Category: Money

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Bring All Those Money Thoughts

Someone asked me “You mean, you just investigated your thoughts about money, and your money changed?”

The short answer is “yes”.

Of course, I now see that money changes all on its own, without my opinion.

My opinion used to bring anger, frustration, terror, unhappiness and anxiety. My opinion used to bring comparison to those other people with money, me with less money, those other people without money, me with more money.

It can drive a person nuts to be in that framework. Well….it did drive me nuts.

My job, as I see it these days, is to watch my mind, be present, and investigate. I watch the effort rise, the thoughts that I need to do something, the thought that this money should go here or there.

I’m so bossy!

If you’re wondering what to do with your Money Thoughts….all those endless ideas and dreams about having more or less….one place you can bring them for deep investigation is to a very small group of inquirers.

The power of the group is amazing, intimate, and precious. And it can change your mind entirely about that thing called Money and all the ways we know to get it, receive it, have it move towards us.

Monday we start the teleclass Earning Money. We dial in together, limited to 10 participants, using our phones or Skype, and we sink into examining this thing called money and the ways we access it…work, having a business, marketing, services, gifts, spending, investing, donating.

People will be on the call together from all over the world. Amazing.

Come along for the ride, it’s a fabulous journey.

You don’t need to have huge job or business problems…all you need is an interest in looking at your thoughts about money, your relationship to money, and to question it!

Richness Of The Group Inquiry Process:

Thanks everyone, for a great class. And thanks, Grace, for creating the structure and support for this powerful inquiry. I so appreciate your facilitation, dedication, humility, and humor, and I’m nourished by your desire to be of service in any way you can. This is a motherlode of a ‘topic’ and it’s amazing to me that after 8+ weeks of exploring Money, Work, Biz, how it feels like it’s just the tip of the iceberg….I was really impressed by how much richness there was in the group inquiry process. And enjoyed the companionship, vulnerability, and humor that was generated in our circle.~MB, class participant Autumn 2012

I Never Looked At This Before:

I really loved sitting with the questions from Grace this week.  No wonder I feel so uncomfortable marketing when I saw all the underlying beliefs I have around marketing and sales.   I have been doing the work for several years and never looked at this part of my business and what I do, the marketing. ~ MM, class participant Summer 2012  

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.   

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th. 
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
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You Do Not Need More Money

Money seems to be one of my biggest hooks, triggers, potholes, or suffering zones over the past several years. For some weird reason, I didn’t think about it much in my teens, twenties, or thirties.

It’s almost like I put it on a shelf over there. I had other more important things to think about. I didn’t want to get all riled up about it, like other people. I didn’t want to feel scarcity around it, or get too driven about it.

I was always pretty happy with small amounts of stuff. Seriously. I loved taking things to goodwill or give them away. I preferred everything I owned to fit in my car.

During my childhood it seemed like Money caused a lot of problems for several important people in my life: my mom, dad, grandma and grandpa.

Strange, but it remained unimportant to me, because there was nothing I actually wanted, as a child, that money could buy. It was super easy to get my first job…one of my sisters got a job at a retirement home and told me to go ahead and apply, too. I think we were about 14 and 15 years old.

If she hadn’t suggested applying, I probably wouldn’t have even thought of it in the first place.

Cut to 30 years later when I was desperate for an interview, income, a job. And yet…picky picky picky. It couldn’t be a low-paying waitress job or an entry level position. Because of my thoughts, I imagined that to be worse than being unemployed.

A few weeks more, with the threat of not being able to buy gas for my car much longer, I was not so picky anymore.

Fortunately for me, at that time, I had The Work as a tool to use for my wildly insanely panicked thoughts about money and work.

Even though I had almost no money left and my bank account was dwindling to nothing, I hired a facilitator to help me investigate my beliefs about money, and work. I like to tell this story in the Earning Money teleclass.

The most painful, painful thought was “I need more money. Yesterday”.

I could see the inevitability of losing my house unless something really drastic changed. I made my first late mortgage payment….only 3 months away from foreclosure.

My savings were gone.

I needed more money, so I thought, or I would lose my house. And THAT would of course be horrendous, because my kids and I would have to move in with my mom. Forty minutes away by car.

Thinking about the worst that could happen without money was something I barely wanted to consider before. But with investigation into my greatest fear, I asked myself what was really true.

  • I will have no home
  • My children will suffer
  • My entire family will be happier than me
  • I will never bounce back
  • It’s too late for me to start a good career
  • I don’t know how to get a good job, earn LOTS of money
  • I need more training, another degree, a different education
  • My mother will be annoyed with us
  • I won’t be able to stand sharing a kitchen with my mother! It will be WWIII.

As I found these thoughts my stomach felt nauseated and tight, the images were terrible, I imagined myself as such a loser.

And the thing that would cure this pain was definitely more money.

But could I absolutely know that this was true? Would my pain actually be cured? Would I feel excited and without fear? Would I feel secure, truly? Would I feel rested, peaceful, happy? Was money the only way to freedom?

Um. That would be a “no”. I knew money was not the only way to freedom, that would be crazy.

How I lived with the thought that I needed more money YESTERDAY was like I was in a state of emergency inside my body. I was exhausted, I was jittery, I couldn’t sleep well, I kept thinking the same thoughts, and I was sure I couldn’t get along with my mother.

Who would I be WITHOUT the thought that I needed more money?

It was almost impossible to find that place, initially. I kept seeing my house disappear, my life disappear, my car disappear, my enthusiasm and motivation disappear. I kept seeing myself depressed in my mother’s basement, and my kids crying because they missed the house we used to have (as if they would join me in the same agony).

But turning the thought around….WOW. Now that was amazing to consider. To become open to the possibilities.

  • I will always have a home, no matter where I am–that has been the case so far
  • My children will not suffer, they will see what it’s like to move from here to there
  • I could be happier than my entire family. Hilarious! Without the constrictions of a mortgage, who knows!
  • I don’t need to bounce back, I will be bouncing forward
  • Amazing people have found new careers late in life, and so can I
  • I do know how to get a good job, I am just as capable of earning lots of money as anyone else
  • I don’t need any more training, no degree, no education. I have the perfect amount. Incredible people in this world support themselves, without degrees.
  • My mother will be thrilled with us, and get to know us intimately
  • I will love sharing with my mother. It will be an incredible truce!

I began to see such benefits, that it started sounding fantastic to move out of our home, sell everything, give everything away, and move in with my mother. What an opportunity! Start a brand new life! Fun!

The relief, stillness, acceptance, and peace penetrated everything I had started believing about money.

I did not need more money. 

The whole thing was a nightmare, and I was waking up.

And that was happening, without more money. DOH!

“Fear has only two causes: the thought of losing what you have or the thought of not getting what you want. In either case, the worst thing that can ever happen is a story. Nothing you need can be taken from you. And no one can ever have anything you need. Need is a story you tell yourself. It’s a wanting-what-is-not that separates you from what is.”~Byron Katie in I Need Your Love, Is It True?

Seeing the advantages in what is, I waited and kept moving and calling places, more joyfully. I looked at want-ads with more creativity. I asked for loans, and amazing family members said Yes.

I felt the trust of the universe. This was going to go the way that it would go…without my opinion.

It went the way it needed to go, for my biggest learning.

Come join the next teleclass Earning Money: What’s The Problem?  It starts next Monday, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. We spend time investigating the really gritty, angry, beastly thoughts about money, about our businesses or our jobs (or lack of them), what we believe about marketing or selling (job interviews, promoting our businesses) and how we feel about the state of not-enough.

It’s one of my favorite journeys of all time. Join us! We still have room for a few more.

Love, Grace

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People With More Money Are Better

The anxiety of discovering that you made a mistake or did something wrong, shows up in a variety of ways, depending on your usual modes of operation.

Some people get very jittery and nervous, very shallow breathing, very worried, with the mind spinning as fast as it can trying to feel better.

Some get very angry, blaming, frustrated and saying defensive things like “well, if she hadn’t done or said THAT, then I wouldn’t have made the mistake in the first place!”

Some people cry, feel frightened of what will happen next because of their bad mistake, or desperately wish they could go back and get a do-over.

Whatever this terrible mistake is….it’s painful.

This morning I worked with a lovely woman who observes her family and sees them all as successful, prosperous, adventurous people.

Her mistake? Taking a road less traveled. Not making as much money. Owning less, doing less, having less.

I remember when my marriage was ending 8 years ago. At the time I had the thought “Holy Cow! (maybe the words were a little more caustic) I shouldn’t have been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years! What the hell was I thinking!?!”

I looked at my life path and choices and had a profound, sinking feeling of failure.

I had just wasted 10 years of my life NOT earning money, I had just selfishly done what I wanted with my kids and gotten myself into a place of poverty, I had just relied on a husband to provide, and not realized how STUPID that was.

I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

So many thoughts about money, success, career, enjoying the pleasures of life, feeling secure and safe, having enough, not having enough.

Like the woman I had the honor of speaking with this morning, my mind at the time began wildly comparing me to other “better” people who hadn’t made bad career-and-money mistakes.

  • members of my family are doing much better than me
  • they are successful, I am not
  • they have more money, so they did something right
  • I have less money, so I did something wrong
  • I should have gotten a degree, stayed married, earned more money, invested better
  • I shouldn’t have spent that other money in the past
  • I should have saved
  • I’m worthless now
  • I need more money

It can be incredibly difficult to step back in the middle of looking at everyone else with great comparison to see your surroundings without it.

At that time when my economy was collapsing, I had to look over and over again at thoughts about money and my worth and my choices and the people around me, who seemed to be better off…..especially my family.

I asked myself over and over, and had facilitators ask me “who would you be without the thought that you should have made more money? Or that you should have chosen and followed a career path? Or that you did it wrong? Or that you need more money right now?”

Who would you be without the thought that other people have done better?

This is a very strange place to visit, this place of no comparison, when the mind is used to constantly comparing.

It feels empty, open, paused. It appears to be like a movie scene, with the sound turned off. It is mysterious….and it begins to be beautiful.

All these people, including family members…..these bodies surrounding us, who we were assuming were better than us, are now just neutral. No better or worse. It’s simply a picture, a vision. No attaching “good” or “bad” to any of it.

I am here breathing, apparently in this body over here….this one that doesn’t have much money associated with it.

This body has a heart beating, lungs taking in breath, eyes seeing other people, eyes seeing the richness, colors, things, stuff, items that money can buy, it appears.

Without a sense that anything is good or bad…this person that I am feels unlimited, wild, magical, unknown. Just being here, seeing.

“Being present means living without control and always having your needs met.”~Byron Katie

I begin to find advantages for my life being exactly as it has been, with no career developed until age 45, with just the amount of money I had.

I watch the other people I love who are around me and see how perfect the amount of money is for them that they have. If they have more, they need more. If I have less, it’s just the amount I can handle.

What a spectacular adventure: to realize how much is here in this moment, bursting with stuff, things, sounds, sights. I need to do nothing to experience any of it. I haven’t had to work hard.

“I notice that I fed myself this morning in the kindest way. The food was wholesome and simple, and if I hadn’t had china and elegant flatware and chairs and table and candle, I would have found a place in the sun and sat and eaten breakfast with my hands. I wouldn’t give myself less than the best of what is available at any moment. I love that I am my keeper, and I love what keeps the keeper: everything.”~Byron Katie

If I spend only 10 seconds looking around, as if I came from another planet or another culture, and I did not know about money and who has enough of it (or that I don’t) then I see how I am surrounded by infinity. Abundance.

This moment is so full. How can I practice giving myself the best of what is available, right here, right now in this moment? There is so much to choose from….I think it might be easy.

Love, Grace

P.S. The next teleclass is beginning soon on MONEY! One of my most favorite all-time topics! We begin Mondays, Feb. 4th to start our week. Class is filling up…register soon and join us for this amazing and wonderful exploration into money and how we think about it, relate to it, get it, and experience it.

Learn About Teleclasses Here

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Money Is None Of Your Business

Last May after writing these Grace Notes for about 6 months, I received a paypal donation of $10. A month later someone sent $100. A couple months after that I got $25 and then another $10. And then $100 again.

Now that is a weird thing, when your beliefs about money and how you get it is supposed to be hard work, and you’re supposed to be selling something or doing something that feels work-ish.

When it first happened, I thought “what is this? is there some mistake?”

This person out in the world who had sent me that first $10 also sent me an email saying she was tithing to what supports her in her personal inner journey. And that would be these posts.

You mean, just by being myself and having this practice of writing…which actually feels like it’s for me, people express their appreciation by sending money?

Holy Moly. I was so moved. And I saw with more clarity some of my own assumptions about money, because receiving these donations turned some of my beliefs upside down.

This is what I thought before:

  • People pay you if you work very hard and give them a lot of energy, relief, attention, or time
  • You have to push, drive, be disciplined to make money
  • Money is NOT easy to get
  • I have to hide my true feelings if I’m going to get paid
  • The harder I work and the more time I work, the more money I will get
  • If I am enjoying myself or doing what I would do right now anyway, for fun, then it’s weird to get paid for it
  • If I wasn’t getting paid for something, I wouldn’t do it
  • If I had all the money in the world that I needed, I would do NOTHING and I would be FREE to go the SPA

Really?

One of the most fascinating insights I ever had around money was when I did The Work with Katie on those rich people out there. Those greedy, jet-ski-using consumers who cared about nothing but themselves and their money!

Those people who went to fancy restaurants, spas, tropical islands, and who drove big ridiculous cars.

I think someone called them the 1%. Like they are Someone Different, in a different category, living in a different world, than me.

Mother Teresa was OK, because she was putting all her millions towards suffering people, but that guy who bought himself a 2 hour massage, a Four Seasons Buffet lunch, and a fancy suit from Nordstroms…now THAT guy was a selfish, greedy prick.

When you have all these rules about what is good or bad or selfish or generous about money, then you have to be so careful all the time. You have to watch out for your own inner greedy self that wants to win the lottery and go to the spa.

Who would I be without the thought that if I had a lot of money I would turn into the hoarding, sneaking-to-the-spa rich person who offered nothing of value to the world?

I mean really….it’s like my evaluation of human nature (when having these thoughts of money), including my own, is that everyone would prefer to have fun and do nothing and never exchange energy for money in the form of “work”.

Is it true? Can I absolutely KNOW that this is TRUE?

No. I see tons of people with great amounts of money flowing through their hands who are very involved and interested in giving, changing, making a difference, creating.

No. I notice that I myself don’t really like to sit around. I like writing and creating. I love teaching. I love working with people. I’ve done it a lot for free. I’ve PAID for workshops myself!

What if the turnarounds are just as true or truer?

  • Money is easy to get, it is easy to receive, it just shows up, like air
  • People pay me if I work very easy and give myself a lot of energy, relief, attention and time
  • I have to relax, wait, and be undisciplined to make money–I have to allow my wild, chaotic, creative self to come forward and play
  • I have to expose my true feelings to get paid
  • The easier I play and the more time I play, the more money I will get
  • If I am enjoying myself and doing what I would do for fun, why not get paid for it
  • I do many things all day, every day, which don’t involved getting paid for it but I do it anyway….do I really have to get paid to do something?
  • Have you ever been in a spa all day? It gets boring. I would want to do more, very soon, beyond this.

I found out, too, that when I had only $10 left in my bank account, and a mortgage due, and a first late payment which is the first step on the road to foreclosure, and not enough money to get gas to drive my car somewhere….I was still breathing and thinking and warm, and comfortable.

Who would you be without the thought that you are greedy or that going to the spa is a waste of resources, or that luxury is not cool?

What if even all this was not true? What if money was not my business? What if I didn’t believe the thought that there is not enough money somewhere?

Free to find out who I really am. Free to relax. Free to have or not have and enjoy both states and question what fears present themselves.

“Abundance has nothing to do with money.  Money is not your business; truth is your business.  I am not going to get wealth on the other side of the truth; I am going to get something much more important than that, something so powerful that everything else looks like nothing.  But as long as I think it should look like money, I am cheating myself.”~Byron Katie 

How is it the most fun ever, the most wonderful, the most interesting, the most perfect that you have exactly as much money as you have….and those other people have the amount of money they apparently have?

Who would you be without your story of money?

Someone who is sent money by strangers, out of the “blue”.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
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MUST Get It Done To Succeed

Uh oh. I woke up the other day thinking I HAD to get something done that supported a new program I want to offer in this business.

It’s like a fiery feeling in the gut….determined, tight fists, almost angry. This WILL happen. I MUST not fail. I WILL get that finished. I was BORN to OFFER this.

Dang, that voice just will not let up sometimes! It begins to drown out other voices when I feel a bit fearful that the thing I need or want to accomplish is urgent, that there is danger in NOT accomplishing. The greater the fear, the louder the voice.

I MUST CREATE THIS, AND MAKE IT SUCCESSFUL. In some circumstances, this could be an exciting thought, but sometimes for me, it is stressful.

So I take it to inquiry, thank goodness.

My situation is not uncommon. I am a small business owner, so I’m the boss. It’s my responsibility (so it seems) to bring in the money. I cannot believe how much I love what I do, in the actual moment interacting with a person or a group, but the thinking about putting it together feels stressful.

The calendar, the scheduling, the promotion, the announcements. SO ANNOYING.

At the recent Cleanse event, where Byron Katie worked with so many people questioning their thoughts, someone did The Work on business.

She was angry with the head of her company. He was so pushy, he went so fast, he didn’t listen, she felt slighted. “He is making the company grow too fast!” 

Jeez, I sure would like to have the stressful belief that my little miniscule one-man-show company is growing too fast! I’ll NEVER have THAT thought.

I’m almost embarrassed to even write about my “company” which has this focus on offering inquiry to whomever wants it. I have thoughts like “people should get this for free” and“making money isn’t spiritual” and “other people are doing it better than me”.

I mean, my penchant for the life of noble poverty, or thinking in that particular way, is very strong. The life of the monk sounds fine to me, much of the time.

But I am also interested in freedom.

I notice that money seems to be a means of exchange here on planet earth. I use it to enroll my child in a special school. I use it to buy food. I use it to fix my leaking roof, to buy the computer I write on, to drive a car, to learn from others, to attend the Byron Katie workshop.

This all might seem ridiculously obvious, but it has been amazing and wonderful to question whether or not I actually need money for all those things. I don’t, really.

But trying to get something faster than it is being gotten is *very* stressful in a subtle, little pinchey way. Like a little pin being stuck in my rib cage while I’m trying to run fast.

OW!

Is it really true that I have to get it done? That I have to move faster? That I need to work-work-work!? I notice that this is when I think I need some coffee. All by myself is not enough.

Not enough time, energy, skill, focus. I must push harder. Faster. Bigger.

Really?

Who would I be without the thought that every waking moment must be devoted to production and promotion, unless I’m taking a shower or at the gym?

I might get to breath for a moment. I might feel the emptiness all around me, and notice the beauty of This Here Now.

What is it I really want to GET if I do all the stuff on my list, anyway? What would I have, if I had all that success? If I had that project finished? If I had that outline completed? If I had more money?

Relaxation?

Byron Katie says, skip the middle man and relax right now. Skip the money and notice what is secure here. Skip the project being “done” and enjoy the incredible creativity that springs forth right now, in fits and starts, on its own timeline.

“The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way.”~Tao Te Ching #59

Without the thought that I need to DO something, faster, bigger, better….I am relaxing. I am smiling. I am resting. I am not interested in coffee. I do not push. I do not pull.

I am what I was looking for in the first place. Happy.

Much love, Grace

P.S. New teleclass times below!

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy.Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
  • Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. OR Fridays, January 25 – March 22, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks.
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
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I Need Need Need That

What a fabulous Thursday morning this past week with the Money, Work and Business teleclass group. This particular class, the third session, is the one directly on MONEY.

I have spent hours and hours doing The Work on Money, and it fascinates me as an entity, energy, thing, exchange. Money is wonderful! I love playing with it, having it, spending it, not having it, understanding it. Like life.

There was a time once when I woke up at night quite often, thinking about money with a sick stomach, spinning mind, anxious, nervous, imagining the scenario of losing my house, of packing up my stuff in boxes and driving it to my mother’s house to put in her basement.

Nowhere to live of my own! A failure! A terrible parent! An idiot!

Fear enters in whenever we feel scared, threatened, uncertain. When the images our mind is coming up with are frightening, we get very tense, very stressed…it feels like there is an anvil on our chest and we can’t breathe.

This does not have to be about money. It can be about a person. It can be about your boss, a lover, a child.

Here comes the fear, here comes the obsessive, repetitive thinking.

If all was well, if we really felt it was a friendly universe and we could trust this at a core level, right in the middle of this situation, then we would not wake up at night.

I knew back then already that my own thinking was the actual “thing” that was out of control. My thinking was panicked. The key was identifying what thoughts I was having very specifically that created such fear.

I wrote down what I believed Money would give me, if I had it, if it was mine. You can do this with anything. Substitute your target of desire! Sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s a new job, sometimes it’s youth, health.

Ooooh, if I just HAD THAT….then I would be peaceful, happy, content, OK, relaxed.

For some people, the great object of desire is spiritual enlightenment. Once I have that, I’ll be fine.

Are you sure?

“It’s not reality that matters, but what you’re saying to yourself about it.”~Anthony De Mello

I found that I could not be sure that having money would make me happy. In fact, I was quite sure I knew people with lots of money who were not. Could I skip the middleman, as Katie says, and be happy right from here, right now?

If you think you can’t….good. Welcome to exploring the amazing mind. Welcome to seeing where you argue with reality.

So, write down what you believe would make you happy, if you had it. Why would it make you happy? What would you really have, if you had that thing?

If I had money, I would be secure, safe, comfortable, calm, peaceful, generous, entertained, proud. I cannot have these things without the money.

If my father were alive, if my house were bigger, if I drove a better car, if I had a life partner, if my children were successful…THEN I would be excited, ecstatic, spacious, powerful, satisfied, satiated, adventurous. And not before!!

You see that from where you stand, right here in this present moment, you believe it is not good enough, it could be better….later.

Is that absolutely true?

The mind creates these images of how it will be in the future….soon, we hope, when it will be better. Right now, I am reading a book in the evening and then *PING* this imaginary picture enters that suggests eating some food would make things even better.

That little thought can grow into a torrential thunderstorm of longing, hoping, anger, fury, rage, despair. This life right here, right now, is not good enough, not full enough, not big enough, not fun enough, not rich enough.

This moment needs improvement. Something is wrong.

As soon as I stopped believing that I needed more money the minute I had that thought, my mind started to slow down. The images seemed to dissolve away.

The way the fear dissolved? I did the Work, I asked myself if my thinking was real and true. Was the impending disaster that I conjured in a split second of imagining actually going to happen?

Who would I be without the thought that I needed more money in order to be safe, successful, stable, or proud?

And if I turned the thought around to the opposite….in this world of duality….how would that idea fit? I DO NOT NEED MORE MONEY. Can I find ways that this is genuinely, actively true in this moment?

Am I safe, secure, generous, calm, peaceful right now? Could it be that there is enough of anything I thought there was NOT enough of?

Suddenly, or sometimes more slowly, that moment of waking up in the night that felt like a nightmare looked simple, quiet, non-eventful. Yes, I was safe. Yes, I was breathing. Yes, I was secure and stable. Yes, I was up to the challenge of living without lots of stuff (in fact it was incredibly fun).

In fact, there were amazing benefits. I had more free time. No going out for dinners, movies, workshops. I read. I spent whole days alone. I began to love my own company like I never had before.

Trusting in the flow of life….the Universe appeared to be friendly. Wow.

“We’re all looking for love, in our confusion, until we find our way back to the realization that love is what we already are. That’s all. We’re looking for what we already have.”~ Byron Katie

If you don’t get it and this doesn’t make sense….if it just DOES NOT seem like you already have what you’re looking for….write down why you are so unhappy, write down what is missing, and begin to inquire.

This pain you feel may be your gateway to freedom.

Love, Grace

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Cash, Wealth, Money and Loving What Is NOW

The topic of money is very juicy. It seems there is an on-going human interest in getting it, needing it, wanting it, planning for it, earning it, spending it, saving it.

In the most simple terms, it appears that it’s better to have money than not have money. So we dive in to figuring out in this big monopoly game board of life the answer to the question: HOW DO I GET MORE?

People sort and sift through many ideas about how money is earned or received. It seems we can “do” something (get a job, offer service, offer a product) and then money is given in exchange for this activity or this item.

Ultimately the actual money itself is not useful. We can’t eat it or drink it. It’s just pieces of paper or metal coins. They all look different depending on what part of the world you’re in…but in the big scheme of things, it looks very similar.

Of course there are other ways to get what the body needs to survive without having money involved. That’s what settlers did. They chopped down trees or grew plants or hunted for animals, and assembled everything they did from their own hands.

But most of us are not settlers in unknown territory where money isn’t even used. We’re here exchanging things, going to stores, buying toothbrushes, taking care of our bodies. So, it’s great to have money to buy stuff.

I find that the most painful, stressful thinking for people who come to me to do The Work on money (and in my own work on it) falls into two categories, with variations on these themes:

  1. I need to do something to get money but I don’t know what or how, and I’m not sure I can offer anything of value anyway, or,
  2. my present situation with money or work SUCKS!

I started with the second category. I had so much fear, anxiety, and anger right in the middle of my present moment with money….no matter how much I had….that I knew I needed to face what I was believing that felt so terrible.

As I questioned the most simple concept “I need more money” I discovered that I didn’t. Life was actually fine, without it. I could go without it entirely. In fact, for awhile, I came very close. I always had enough food, clothing, water, and a bed to sleep in.

I am still here, right now, writing this. So I never had too little money.

“Money is not your business, truth is your business. The story ‘I need more money’ is what keeps you from realizing your wealth. Whenever you think that your needs are not being met, you’re telling the story of a future. You’re supposed to have exactly as much money as you have right now. This is not a theory: this is reality. How much money do you have? That’s it, you’re supposed to have exactly that amount. If you don’t believe it, look at your checkbook. How do you know when you’re supposed to have more? When you do. How do you know when you’re supposed to have less? When you do. This is true abundance. It leaves you without a care in the world.” ~ Byron Katie

Now that I know without a doubt that however much money I have is just right, it’s incredibly exciting….just to notice that.

I forget for awhile sometimes. Some goofy thing triggers worry or disappointment, and my mind races off into thinking I need more money, but it’s very short lasting. I hear myself actually saying out loud something about needing or wanting more money, and I find it doesn’t even make sense 30 minutes later or I can’t remember why I thought that.

Not believing what you think is THRILLING! So when you think stressful thoughts about money, ask yourself if it is really true!

After deeply questioning the notion of needing more money many times, touching on it regularly…I began to find more intricate concepts about my worth, what I might offer that would be of value, what I believed about work, time, bosses, employees, clients, accounting, marketing, promoting, spending.

How wonderful to look at all the thinking and behaviors and feelings about what value things have or don’t have!

“When you are concerned with making money you want the future more than the present. Whenever you want the future more than you want the present, true intelligence cannot flow into what you do…..The ego always looks toward the next moment for some kind of fulfillment. The realignment means the primary purpose of your life is whatever action you are doing in this moment.”~ Eckhart Tolle

The wonderful news is that you don’t have to have total confidence about your worth or abilities, or how you will get money….all you need to do is question your most anxiety-riddled thinking about this moment now, and notice all you believe so you can catch it and question it.

Now that my world is lighter about money, work, service, clients, action, doing, time, effort….I find humor and joy so much more easily.

And, it turns out, for now anyway, I have more money.

If you find you would like to focus more on inquiry in this area, then come join a small group on Thursdays starting in 2 days! We will meet each week for 90 minutes, skipping 11/1 and 11/22 and do this fabulous work on our internal thinking all the way until 11/29. Eight sessions and amazing life-changing work!

Money, Work and Your Business Class Participants Have Said:

“I received so much from your class.  I am sincerely grateful for your offerings in this world.“~ Deanna

“I am constantly astonished and amazed at the dark crap I had dumped all over money! No wonder it couldn’t come to me – I had insulated myself well to keep me from become “One of those people!” And now I’m like, “sign me up!” and I’ll do it my way! Clearly sometimes resisting being “that way” is worse than just being that way, especially when you are anyway! I can’t hardly believe how much money has changed in the past few weeks!”~Delia

If you want to join in the amazing journey with a small group of supportive angels in your life: CLICK HERE

Love, Grace

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Willing To Lose Everything

Yesterday I was thinking about money. Not unusual of course. I wonder if there are many human beings who don’t?

The part that is different about my thinking, when I think about money, is that it seems that whether there is a bill due, a payment to be made, a payment to receive, or imagining upcoming future payments….I simply do not have the mental stressful thinking I once had about it.

I have done The Work on money about 500 times. Well, maybe this is an exaggeration.

Exaggeration is common when it comes to money:

  • I’ll NEVER get out of debt
  • This will take me years and years to pay for, I’ll probably be dead
  • I don’t EVER get what I want
  • it’s sooooooo hard to go to work
  • This whole system is set up with such inequality, it is ALL UNFAIR
  • I’ll NEVER understand how to get lots of money
  • I am trapped, stuck, stupid, desperate, hopeless when it comes to money

Stressful thinking can enter so quickly and take off like a rocket, that it is helpful, whether you consider yourself worried about money or not, to consider all that you believe about this thing called money.

Five and a half years ago, I got divorced.

Before that, I didn’t work full time for ten years, but I always worked part time. I actually did editing for several companies as a freelancer, and for one company as a part time employee only a few hours a week. All work done at home. Incredible for a mother of babies.

My story was often “I didn’t work for ten years! Terrible! Lazy!” and also “The rug is pulled out from under me (divorce)! I can’t afford anything! I can’t I can’t I can’t!”

Two years after my divorce, I had zero savings, no job at all (everything had “ended” or closed for ALL the part-time work I had been doing).

I had used my credit card for three months to pay my mortgage and for groceries. My children were eligible, it turned out, for free lunch at school. I could have gotten food stamps but I felt like such a failure to even qualify for them.

I felt like I was on the Titanic and it was going down, fast. I had no way to pay my bills and nothing left. I had borrowed all that was available to borrow from family. I had been to job interviews everywhere….and I was finally open to working at an entry level job at any restaurant or fast-food place. I had been soooo judgmental of those places.

The whole time, during this period, I had The Work. I did it like crazy. I felt the panic inside, I identified all the judgments I had about money, myself, divorce, survival…

I became willing to be doomed, to stop fighting, to surrender. That was actually all I had left. No choice. Except to question my very negative, painful, horrified thoughts.

“You don’t get to vote on what is. Have you noticed?”~ Byron Katie

So yesterday when I was thinking about money, I remembered all this. It’s like the mind showed me all these pictures and images of that experience. I remembered being willing to move into my mother’s house and live in her basement, to stop fighting that or seeing it as terrible.

I remembered recognizing that my relationship with money was a gift one evening, after inquiring into my thinking with a facilitator.

Nothing else could have even come close to helping me walk a path of spirit, willingness, openness, trust. Nothing else could have allowed me to stop arguing with reality, to stop seeing myself as a loser.

“Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience. Taking responsibility for your beliefs and judgments gives you the power to change them…..I am the perpetrator of my suffering – but only all of it.”~ Byron Katie

In January, it will be four years since that time I completely hit bottom financially. As it happened, I didn’t lose my house to foreclosure, barely.

The amazing thing is, I now have zero debt except for my house mortgage. I didn’t win the lottery, I didn’t rake in piles of money, or get a huge high-paying full time job.

I just kept questioning my beliefs about money when I had them. Even though it felt like I was ready to scream (that was the best time, in fact).

My practice grew with people from all over the world, people also wanting to question their beliefs. I felt creative and put together classes on the work I myself had done around money…and many other repetitively stressful topics.

Waiting for money to be different, for someone else to change, for my body to look “better” or for society, jobs, bills to be other than they are BEFORE I feel happy is very painful.

It stopped mattering what was going on with money. All that mattered was what was going on with the inside of me.

The turnaround to number six in the Work, on this topic, goes like this (write and ask me if you’re not sure what “number six” is): I am willing to lose all my money and assets. I look forward to losing all my money and assets.

“When the ancient Masters said, ‘If you want to be given everything, give everything up,’ they weren’t using empty phrases. Only in being lived by the Tao can you be truly yourself.”~Tao te Ching #22

Love, Grace

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When You’ve Got Nothin—Give

Eckhart Tolle writes “the source of all abundance is not outside you. It is part of who you are. However, start by acknowledging and recognizing abundance without.” 

There are many forms of abundance. Cash. Loving friends. Kind people. Inspiring opportunities. Intimacy with my family.

Many people feel sad or frustrated about these things missing in their lives….not enough money, not enough recognition, not enough fun, not enough love, not enough time.

But what does it mean to start acknowledging abundance around me, like Eckhart says? What abundance???!! That’s what I’m talking about—there isn’t any!! Jeez!!

This is one of those practices that can catch on quicker than you think. You GIVE first. It doesn’t make logical sense to the mind. I’m almost out of money, why would I give? I never get enough acceptance from my mother, why would I give her any?

Because the world is made of a flow of in and out, like the tides. And if nothing else, since the way you’re thinking is not actually working so far and you feel lack in this area, why not flip it upside down and try a different way? There’s nothing to lose, right?

What if you walked around today without the thought that you’re lacking something? If it feels difficult to be in the state of lacking NOTHING, then just think about one thing you feel is lacking. Only that.

Let’s say you want more cash. Not enough. You can’t pay important bills, enjoy your life, travel, live in a nice place, enroll in educational programs, or eat three meals today.

If I lived my life only today without the thought that I need more money, what might that be like? What if I didn’t believe the thought that there isn’t enough?

First, I notice that I quit finding proof of how limited I am, how unhappy without more money. I quit focusing on what I can’t or don’t have.

Then….I begin to notice tiny things, at least they seem tiny. I have $2 in my wallet. I have a wallet, nice old worn leather actually. I have clothes on, and a sweater. It’s summer, I don’t even need a coat, I’m not cold. I have a place to sleep tonight.

If I could give, what could I give? This has to be REAL giving, not fake giving. Not like: I’m going to give something in order to do this exercise so that more money comes to me after I give. That is not genuine. This is about being completely authentic. Letting go of the outcome.

If I could really give right now, in this moment, as if I had enough…what could I give, and still have integrity and peace? What could I give and RISK that I may not get anything back?

I could smile at the next person I pass. I could write a card to someone. I could call my mother. I could listen to a stranger fully as she speaks to ask me a question. I could email a friend.

I can notice that around me there are a thousand colors, trees, cement, clouds, paint, noises, people walking, a phone, lights blinking, birds, blackberry bushes. So many things I couldn’t name them all, I would have to sit in one place and write a list of everything I saw and it could take all day. There are things, shapes, sounds EVERYWHERE. Pretty abundant.

I notice I could say to this close person in my life “I know I often see what’s missing between us, but I also want you to know that I really appreciate you. I see how you’ve done the best you can.”

Or, if that feels a bit much, you can say out loud a few things you like about them. “I’ve always liked your persistence, your laugh, and your hair”.

You could express yourself from the depth of your soul without self-criticism…”I have no money left, I feel so ashamed, I need help on how to handle my situation, I screwed up, I am sorry, I love you and sometimes you bug me and I don’t know how to respond, I want to be of service.”

That’s what I did when I tried everything by myself, watched my bank account go down to zero, and had nothing left, and no way to pay for my house or any of my expenses for the next month.

This is what it’s like to live the turnaround “I have enough”. I am not too small. I am enough, I have the ability to handle this, I am good.

“The acknowledgement of abundance that is all around you awakens the dormant abundance within…..Abundance comes only to those who already have it. It sounds almost unfair, but of course it isn’t. It is a universal law. Both abundance and scarcity are inner states that manifest as your reality.”~Eckhart Tolle

You are enough. You have exactly how much you need for this particular moment in time in your life. Try giving, without expecting anything in return. Turn on the faucet, even if it’s a little drip. Let the tide go out, so it can come back in.

“Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap.”~Jesus

Love, Grace

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Wanting Money

For some of us, it’s hard to admit how much we desire money. In general, if anyone asked “hey, would you like some money?” we would say yes (or immediately start thinking “what’s the catch?”).

It seems like Money would always be welcome in bigger quantities. Unlike water. Most of us, if we are not thirsty, would not always drink more water if it was around or if it was offered.

I heard Byron Katie once doing a role play with someone about money getting exchanged between the person Katie was talking with, and someone they knew. Katie suggested that if someone said to her “here is 10 thousand dollars” and looked like they were giving it to her, she would say “what do you want by giving this?”

Excellent question. So simple if we just ask…..and the answer to this question is the crux of why we would NOT, in fact, just take more money without getting more details and seeing if it is really OK with us to make that exchange.

I myself used to be so opposed to “owing” people money or owing SOMETHING if I received their money, that I preferred to go without it. It wasn’t worth the worry about whether I had given enough, offered enough or satisfied the money-giver.

Yesterday in our Money, Work and Business class, we questioned the belief “what I do is not worth the fee”. Everyone could fill in the blank on what fee they were thinking about, and what they believed they were doing in order to get that fee, whether it was a job or their own business….it doesn’t matter.

I remember talking with a real estate agent once who made what some of us would think of as a big amount of money. He felt like what he actually did was NOT worth the money he made. But after years of making a living this way, he wasn’t even going to begin considering changing occupations. Too scary to consider having less money.

I also have talked with people (usually women) who feel dependent and so far have exchanged their services of running a home, doing laundry, cooking, taking care of kids in exchange for being supported by a money-getter. They want something more, but they aren’t sure what else to do, so they keep doing the same “job”.

There are so many thoughts that rise up, that are quite stressful, when we want money and we believe we need to do something other than really be ourselves in order to get it:

  • I need to make an impression
  • I can win people over
  • When someone else likes what I do for them, I get money from them
  • I must avoid offending other people
  • I need to be polite and have good manners
  • People will think I’m selfish if I ask for money
  • People will be jealous if they see how much I make

In Katie’s book I Need Your Love–Is That True? she writes about how we humans often get into situations where we believe we need to pretend things in order to succeed. This includes making money, for some of us. She mentions Dale Carnegie and his multi-million dollar best-seller classic book about making friends and influencing people and being a great sales person. And she asks us “how do you react when you believe the thought that you can find love and approval by making yourself more likeable?”

How do you react when you believe the thought that by being likeable, you will receive more money?

There is of course absolutely nothing wrong whatsoever with learning techniques to be a great salesperson…it is only when we find ourselves stressed and full of questions about our own integrity that we need to look more deeply.

What if we stopped pretending anything or thinking we need to shift our behavior in order to get money? What if we question what we believe we need to do in order to have a job, that is stressful? What if we stop thinking WE need to figure out how to help that person over there who is giving us money to be pleased with us?

I have found if I don’t need to make an impression, don’t need to win people over, have no concern with whether or not I am liked, connect to the center of my heart and soul, notice how full of joy I feel in giving and receiving, and question that it matters what other people think….then something has started to flow that is beyond all the ideas about whether or not what I do is “worth” any money.

When we question all our thoughts about money, we naturally become more likeable.

Start where you are, you don’t have to make any huge changes. Start by questioning what it would be like if you didn’t ever pretend….see what your thoughts are about yourself and receiving, giving, and earning money.

“In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present. When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”~Tao te Ching #8

Undoing the stressful thoughts about money and how I dance with it has been one of the most exciting, wonderful things in life. Money us such a wonderful friend. Money is so kind, coming and going as it will, being a form of exchange.

How do you know something is worth anything? Write it down and see what you believe about money. It could change your entire life if you question your painful thinking.

Love, Grace

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