The anxiety of discovering that you made a mistake or did something wrong, shows up in a variety of ways, depending on your usual modes of operation.
Some people get very jittery and nervous, very shallow breathing, very worried, with the mind spinning as fast as it can trying to feel better.
Some get very angry, blaming, frustrated and saying defensive things like “well, if she hadn’t done or said THAT, then I wouldn’t have made the mistake in the first place!”
Some people cry, feel frightened of what will happen next because of their bad mistake, or desperately wish they could go back and get a do-over.
Whatever this terrible mistake is….it’s painful.
This morning I worked with a lovely woman who observes her family and sees them all as successful, prosperous, adventurous people.
Her mistake? Taking a road less traveled. Not making as much money. Owning less, doing less, having less.
I remember when my marriage was ending 8 years ago. At the time I had the thought “Holy Cow! (maybe the words were a little more caustic) I shouldn’t have been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years! What the hell was I thinking!?!”
I looked at my life path and choices and had a profound, sinking feeling of failure.
I had just wasted 10 years of my life NOT earning money, I had just selfishly done what I wanted with my kids and gotten myself into a place of poverty, I had just relied on a husband to provide, and not realized how STUPID that was.
I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
So many thoughts about money, success, career, enjoying the pleasures of life, feeling secure and safe, having enough, not having enough.
Like the woman I had the honor of speaking with this morning, my mind at the time began wildly comparing me to other “better” people who hadn’t made bad career-and-money mistakes.
- members of my family are doing much better than me
- they are successful, I am not
- they have more money, so they did something right
- I have less money, so I did something wrong
- I should have gotten a degree, stayed married, earned more money, invested better
- I shouldn’t have spent that other money in the past
- I should have saved
- I’m worthless now
- I need more money
It can be incredibly difficult to step back in the middle of looking at everyone else with great comparison to see your surroundings without it.
At that time when my economy was collapsing, I had to look over and over again at thoughts about money and my worth and my choices and the people around me, who seemed to be better off…..especially my family.
I asked myself over and over, and had facilitators ask me “who would you be without the thought that you should have made more money? Or that you should have chosen and followed a career path? Or that you did it wrong? Or that you need more money right now?”
Who would you be without the thought that other people have done better?
This is a very strange place to visit, this place of no comparison, when the mind is used to constantly comparing.
It feels empty, open, paused. It appears to be like a movie scene, with the sound turned off. It is mysterious….and it begins to be beautiful.
All these people, including family members…..these bodies surrounding us, who we were assuming were better than us, are now just neutral. No better or worse. It’s simply a picture, a vision. No attaching “good” or “bad” to any of it.
I am here breathing, apparently in this body over here….this one that doesn’t have much money associated with it.
This body has a heart beating, lungs taking in breath, eyes seeing other people, eyes seeing the richness, colors, things, stuff, items that money can buy, it appears.
Without a sense that anything is good or bad…this person that I am feels unlimited, wild, magical, unknown. Just being here, seeing.
“Being present means living without control and always having your needs met.”~Byron Katie
I begin to find advantages for my life being exactly as it has been, with no career developed until age 45, with just the amount of money I had.
I watch the other people I love who are around me and see how perfect the amount of money is for them that they have. If they have more, they need more. If I have less, it’s just the amount I can handle.
What a spectacular adventure: to realize how much is here in this moment, bursting with stuff, things, sounds, sights. I need to do nothing to experience any of it. I haven’t had to work hard.
“I notice that I fed myself this morning in the kindest way. The food was wholesome and simple, and if I hadn’t had china and elegant flatware and chairs and table and candle, I would have found a place in the sun and sat and eaten breakfast with my hands. I wouldn’t give myself less than the best of what is available at any moment. I love that I am my keeper, and I love what keeps the keeper: everything.”~Byron Katie
If I spend only 10 seconds looking around, as if I came from another planet or another culture, and I did not know about money and who has enough of it (or that I don’t) then I see how I am surrounded by infinity. Abundance.
This moment is so full. How can I practice giving myself the best of what is available, right here, right now in this moment? There is so much to choose from….I think it might be easy.
Love, Grace
P.S. The next teleclass is beginning soon on MONEY! One of my most favorite all-time topics! We begin Mondays, Feb. 4th to start our week. Class is filling up…register soon and join us for this amazing and wonderful exploration into money and how we think about it, relate to it, get it, and experience it.