Uh oh. I woke up the other day thinking I HAD to get something done that supported a new program I want to offer in this business.
It’s like a fiery feeling in the gut….determined, tight fists, almost angry. This WILL happen. I MUST not fail. I WILL get that finished. I was BORN to OFFER this.
Dang, that voice just will not let up sometimes! It begins to drown out other voices when I feel a bit fearful that the thing I need or want to accomplish is urgent, that there is danger in NOT accomplishing. The greater the fear, the louder the voice.
I MUST CREATE THIS, AND MAKE IT SUCCESSFUL. In some circumstances, this could be an exciting thought, but sometimes for me, it is stressful.
So I take it to inquiry, thank goodness.
My situation is not uncommon. I am a small business owner, so I’m the boss. It’s my responsibility (so it seems) to bring in the money. I cannot believe how much I love what I do, in the actual moment interacting with a person or a group, but the thinking about putting it together feels stressful.
The calendar, the scheduling, the promotion, the announcements. SO ANNOYING.
At the recent Cleanse event, where Byron Katie worked with so many people questioning their thoughts, someone did The Work on business.
She was angry with the head of her company. He was so pushy, he went so fast, he didn’t listen, she felt slighted. “He is making the company grow too fast!”
Jeez, I sure would like to have the stressful belief that my little miniscule one-man-show company is growing too fast! I’ll NEVER have THAT thought.
I’m almost embarrassed to even write about my “company” which has this focus on offering inquiry to whomever wants it. I have thoughts like “people should get this for free” and“making money isn’t spiritual” and “other people are doing it better than me”.
I mean, my penchant for the life of noble poverty, or thinking in that particular way, is very strong. The life of the monk sounds fine to me, much of the time.
But I am also interested in freedom.
I notice that money seems to be a means of exchange here on planet earth. I use it to enroll my child in a special school. I use it to buy food. I use it to fix my leaking roof, to buy the computer I write on, to drive a car, to learn from others, to attend the Byron Katie workshop.
This all might seem ridiculously obvious, but it has been amazing and wonderful to question whether or not I actually need money for all those things. I don’t, really.
But trying to get something faster than it is being gotten is *very* stressful in a subtle, little pinchey way. Like a little pin being stuck in my rib cage while I’m trying to run fast.
OW!
Is it really true that I have to get it done? That I have to move faster? That I need to work-work-work!? I notice that this is when I think I need some coffee. All by myself is not enough.
Not enough time, energy, skill, focus. I must push harder. Faster. Bigger.
Really?
Who would I be without the thought that every waking moment must be devoted to production and promotion, unless I’m taking a shower or at the gym?
I might get to breath for a moment. I might feel the emptiness all around me, and notice the beauty of This Here Now.
What is it I really want to GET if I do all the stuff on my list, anyway? What would I have, if I had all that success? If I had that project finished? If I had that outline completed? If I had more money?
Relaxation?
Byron Katie says, skip the middle man and relax right now. Skip the money and notice what is secure here. Skip the project being “done” and enjoy the incredible creativity that springs forth right now, in fits and starts, on its own timeline.
“The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way.”~Tao Te Ching #59
Without the thought that I need to DO something, faster, bigger, better….I am relaxing. I am smiling. I am resting. I am not interested in coffee. I do not push. I do not pull.
I am what I was looking for in the first place. Happy.
Much love, Grace
P.S. New teleclass times below!
Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.
- Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
- Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy.Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
- Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. OR Fridays, January 25 – March 22, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks.
- Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.