One of my experiences when I first encountered The Work was that I knew I felt bad in certain situations but I had no reference for what I was thinking. I had no thoughts! I just FELT TERRIBLE!!
The way I felt fairly often was….VERY uncomfortable: anxious, nervous, nauseated, angry, pessimistic, furious, desperate, sad, choked up, depressed.
When I felt that way, I noticed that I wanted to eat, smoke, or drink either alcohol or coffee, depending on the feeling. Or all of those at once.
I really wanted to change the feeling, I wanted to GET OUT of that terrible feeling, ASAP!
One thing that really helps when you feel panicked or very angry, any strong emotion, is to question the belief “I have to do something about this feeling”.
You have to do something….is that true?
DAMN RIGHT IT’S TRUE, I AM NOT PUTTIN’ UP WITH THIS!
It would feel like an emergency, like a big feeling-cloud coming over me, taking over.
Help! Quick! Something or someone come to the rescue! Where’s the mind-altering substance or experience that can distract and switch this feeling!? EMERGENCY!
But can you absolutely know that your Big Feeling is really something you have to do something with? Are you sure? What if you just waited, watched, and did NOT do anything?
I found out I was SAFE having a big feeling. It sounds kind of funny now, right? OMG! Horror movie! Anything but have a BIG FEELING!!
But that is really what I believed. I expected myself to be steady, have small, manageable feelings at all times. No fast heart beating, no crying, no despair, no rage.
Funny, but once I discovered it was safe to have a Big Terrible Feeling then I could much more easily become aware of what I was thinking.
Who would you be without the thought that feeling bad IS bad…and that you will keep feeling that way unless you DO something?
Things will slow down. Empty space will be a possibility. Waiting will be interesting.
In just a wee tad of willingness to stay with the feeling, the thoughts appear, and I can write them down.
I am angry because….I am frightened because…I am upset because….
Now we’re talkin! Feeling and Thinking are mixing it up, communicating with each other.
Close your eyes and wait 10 seconds before moving towards relieving your feeling. Write 3 sentences down about what is upsetting you. Ask yourself if you are SAFE right now, in this moment? I always notice that I am.
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
This seems like a small thing. This seems like a very little thing to do. But it is not.
Taking one extra second before running away, squishing, destroying, or changing your feeling may change the course of your entire day, your entire week…your entire life.
You may not want to eat anything, or smoke, or drink coffee or alcohol, or do that other thing or take a drug or go on auto-pilot the way you often do. You may notice just a little something different inside, an openness to be with exactly what is, in that moment. All your reactions. All your feelings.
It is not a small thing to notice that you don’t want to do self-destructive or compulsive behavior anymore.
“Everything supports you whether or not you even notice it, whether or not you think about it or understand it, whether you love it or hate it, whether you’re happy or sad, asleep or awake, motivated or unmotivated.”~Byron Katie
Even Big Feelings support you. They are part of reality.
If you want the last spot open for this coming Saturday/Sunday workshop Horrible Food Wonderful Food then email me right away. We come together to look at feelings and what they are expressing, and get to the thoughts that we believe that produce them.
By questioning our painful thoughts…we may no longer feel like over-eating or obsessing about food, weight and diet. How amazing is that!
Much love, Grace