Yesterday I was reviewing the thoughts many of you sent in
that were your Top Three stressful beliefs for 2011.
What a fun list! OK, “fun” is not exactly the word most would use.
So many of our painful beliefs have to do with what we’re
thinking about ourselves:
*I’m not doing enough
*I should be doing MORE
*I’m not good enough
*I’ll never get this right
Katie speaks often that to really do The Work we need to focus on that
other nasty, mean, troubled, sad, difficult person and judge the heck
outta THEM first. We need to write down all our thoughts about them that are
petty, childish, non-politically-correct, rude, nasty, mean…
But those beliefs about ourselves, they feel like a knife in the gut.
And sometimes, those painful thoughts are the ones that are there…it’s
just the way it is. Hateful, brutal, violent, nasty, mean thoughts about
ourselves. They really hurt.
And they are so amazing to question.
Is it really, really absolutely true that you are not doing enough? Are
you absolutely sure that you are not good enough? Can you be positive
that you will NEVER get things “right” or that you aren’t doing the
best you can?
We’re sooooo sure that we could do better.
Yesterday I had the feeling pass through my whole body and mind that
if I said “no” to a dear friend of mine, he would be so unhappy he would
be crushed. He is feeling so depressed he is suicidal.
A toddler screams when you take away the pair of sharp scissors he’s picked
up and was going to put in his mouth. But parents are clear that the
scissors are not safe to chew on, the toddler is confused and doesn’t
know any better.
With adults I become less clear. The simplest requests become complicated.
Our co-workers say “can you work for me next month?” Our children
ask “can you give me some money?” Our parents say “can you come visit us?”
and we notice that we want to say “no” but don’t speak it directly and end up avoiding the person who was asking, or we get mad at them silently (or not-so-silently).
So there I am thinking about myself “I should be doing MORE”. This is really
no different from a good friend asking me for MORE (time, attention, advice).
I notice that I love that friend dearly, he is hurting, and I know that he will be OK. I don’t have to avoid or push him away in anger. He is just being honest, he is being himself, doing the best he can.
I am doing the best I can, too.
So is everyone else.
Who would I be without the thought that I should be doing more, or that I am
not good enough? Or that I need to say “yes” to everyone who asks me for
anything? Or pissed off at everyone who asks me for something?
Who would you be without the thought that all those people out there who are
so annoying, mean, rude or needy could do better than they are doing?
I’d be in a place that was really clear right in that moment. I’d take the scissors
out of the toddler’s hands and then hug the cute little two-year-old while he screamed his eyes out. I might even chuckle that he’s so upset. And he’d probably forget about the scissors in 30 seconds and move on to something else.
I would give to myself, too. I’d feel comfort for myself, feel kind towards myself,
and feel amused at my own mistaken thoughts of how much better I could be doing or how I’m not good enough and ought to be doing more.
Everything would relax….
That’s what doing The Work gives me nearly every time I do it. Freedom
from having to do MORE or be MORE than I actually am. Freedom to say
“no” and freedom to say “yes”.
The next class on Money and Business, such a great topic for clarity around
saying “no” or saying “yes” to others, starts in only 10 days, Wednesdays at 4:30 pm
Pacific time. Check your time zone and join us in exploring freedom!
Much love,
Grace