Tag: inquiry

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Something opens our wings….summer inquiry

Holy smokes, it’s only just over a month until a huge time of opportunity for inquiry gets underway, in TWO different formats. I’ll tell you about them (I highly recommend both) in a minute.

But first, I wanted to share something sort of funny about The Work with me.

Early in my practice of learning The Work, I knew I had great insight when doing it, even after attending the School for The Work.

But. It’s a little weird (though it turns out, not as uncommon as you think). I wouldn’t do it!

I’d think, can’t I just do it in my head? Or maybe quick out loud, while I’m driving? Do I really have to follow the steps and write things down?

I’ll get to it later.

Ugh, it’s so much….WORK.

And I’d find, over and over again, it was never deep and life-shifting until I took it slowly and followed the simple directions: Judge Your Neighbor, Write It Down, Ask Four Questions, Turn It Around.

There is nothing like actually doing The Work as a regular practice in your life to assure you clean your mental slate, reduce or dissolve your stressful thinking, and make inner shifts you may never have thought possible.

What do I mean by “doing” when it comes to The Work?

It sounds simple, but it’s definitely not easy.

People tell me all the time, they feel upset, or nervous, or bad….but they don’t really know why.

This process helps you know why, and then to question, or un-do that knowing.

Like pulling a very stubborn weed out by the roots.

I hope you’ll consider joining me for this summer season blitz of The Work. I’m available almost daily live via telesessions, and we join together with a group of awesome folks.

The good news? It’s all come-when-you-can and low fee season, and a time of fun and sharing and simplicity.

Kinda like summer.

The first event coming up for diving into the great ocean of inquiry is joining together with others to share a retreat called Being With Byron Katie for four whole days! We will be watching the event streamed live on a large flat screen in a lovely house in Seattle, and holding complete silence in between viewing sessions (which is the same as the in-person participants with Katie will be doing in Switzerland).

Yes, you can come for the weekend or one-day only (same low fee of $185) and watch what you miss via recording until September 30th for no extra.

Our silent event Being With Byron Katie begins on Saturday, July 8th at 9:00 am and ends Tuesday, July 11th around 9:00 pm. Find out all the details here, including information about how to reserve your overnight stay in Seattle (but commuters are entirely welcome) at our retreat site house, rented just for us. We’re starting to fill, so good to join us soon.

Some people travel from other states, or fly, to attend Being With Byron Katie in Seattle. ITW candidates can earn 24 credits for an in-person Katie event at the end (ask me how if you’re interested).

The morning following the Being With Byron Katie event, we’ll have an optional 90 minute session for Q & A for those with special questions, from 9-10:30 am on Wednesday July 12th as a part of the event. Several certified facilitators will be on hand to support you. Anyone is welcome if you’re registered for Being With Byron Katie. We’ll meet at the same house where we’re viewing the program.

Staying in The Silence

“I could never, ever, ever be quiet on my own in the same way this 4 day retreat offered me the structure of silence. I never did anything like this before, and it was amazing. I feel like I just got to be on a real retreat with Byron Katie, otherwise prohibitive for me financially. Thanks for making this possible. Can’t wait until next year.” ~ Participant 2016

Next….your chance to REALLY DO The Work as a regular practice:

Summer Camp for The Mind! 

I’m so excited people started signing up for Summer Camp before I even announced it this year.

Summer Camp for The Mind is a virtual group experience where people dial-in to the same conference line (audio only–you can be on your car or puttering around doing laundry if you’re in listen-only mode).

People volunteer to “go” and I give everyone turns who are interested in doing The Work with me out loud. Everyone listens as the volunteer does their work, doing THEIR own work through the listening. There’s some time for feedback and sharing and insight after every stressful thought questioned. Again, you can share, or listen-only.

This is a loose, simple format. Meaning, there are no requirements or expectations. Except to enter into self-inquiry and share the process with others. Show up when you want, leave when you need to.

It’s funny how people won’t even know one another, and may be from different continents, yet they meet, grow familiar with each other’s voices, and even stay in touch. Not long ago, someone shared with me they’ve been doing The Work with a Summer Camp for The Mind participant as a one-on-one facilitation partner since 2015 and not planning on stopping anytime soon.

Summer Camp for The Mind is also  a very inexpensive way to jump in to a more organized scheduled intention doing The Work. The fee is sliding scale range ($150-$500 suggested) and we meet almost daily from July 12-August 18 with a 3 hour mini-retreat to kick off Summer Camp. There are TWO options for the kick-off mini retreat Opening Day to Summer Camp. The first is Weds morning 8-11 am Pacific Time July 5th, the second option is Thursday afternoon July 5th 5:30-8:30 pm PT. Choose one, and come along for learning, listening and doing The Work together.

When you sign up for Summer Camp, come to one session, or all of them. It’s up to you.

I also strongly encourage anyone who is interested in Year of Inquiry, (and I know there are many this year since it’s now worth multiple credits in the Institute for The Work), to sign up for Summer Camp. The whole current Year of Inquiry (YOI) group is included in Summer Camp as a part of their final two summer months of YOI.

These participants are courageous, smart, and experienced. They’ve been in Year of Inquiry since last September, and maybe longer if they’re a regular YOI participant (some repeat annually). What a treat to join with them, along with all the inquirers, sharing this profound time together, to get this work done.

Can’t wait for this summer inquiry jam to begin. For more information head over here.

“For thousands of years we’ve been told not to judge–but let’s face it, we do it all the time. We all have judgments running in our heads. Through The Work we finally have permission to let those judgments speak out, or even scream out, on paper. We may find that even the most unpleasant thoughts can be met with unconditional love.” ~ Byron Katie

But even if you never sign up for a paid program doing The Work of Byron Katie…you can “do” The Work even today, right now.

Start by writing down your stressful thoughts. Get them down in writing.

Now, they can’t slip away from you speedy fast. You wrote them. So you can inquire.

If you can inquire, you have access to freedom.

If you have access to internal freedom, you have the possibility of a new perspective…and joy.

“Something opens our wings. Something makes boredom and hurt disappear. Someone fills the cup in front of us: We taste only sacredness.” ~ Rumi

I know whomever shows up at Being With Byron Katie or Summer Camp for The Mind (or both) are just the right people.

Thank you for joining me.

Much love,

Grace

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I was hurt….or healed?

Is it true you will ALWAYS be hurt by that situation in the past? What if you could tell a healing story instead?

This month in Year of Inquiry, we’re looking at Hurt, Anger and Fear. One aspect of YOI this year that’s new, are some of the topics. Plus we always have a 90 minute Introduction ABOUT the topic, before we go into the topic, and best practices for The Work on it. With slides.

Someone said today as we’re in our second week….It’s big, this one.

She said she felt a lot of anxiety and like her nervous system is a little overstimulated.

Looking at the times we’ve been hurt in our lives seems overwhelming, sad, infuriating.

Well, it certainly produces anger, and fear. Feelings of Never Again.

Hurt brings out the urgency to relax and get away from the wild feelings of anxiety or tension.

It’s truly profound to take one situation, only one (not too many, not more than one, not EVERY situation we’ve ever known where we felt hurt)….

….and then sit comfortably and quietly and write down our thoughts that were born out of that situation, using the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

I notice, if I keep holding every situation in my mind producing “hurt” I’m going to feel pretty full of despair, sadness, hopelessness, fear, or overwhelm. I see flashing pictures of people I’ve felt hurt by, difficult situations.

But a very core, underlying belief appears for inquiry in all this. It’s so simple, I almost didn’t see it.

I was hurt.

Is that true?

Yes. It crushed me. It broke my heart. I was physically changed. My life was never the same again. It was terrible. So hurt.

Picture only ONE of those situations where you felt hurt.

Are you absolutely sure it’s true you were?

Are you positive, without any doubt whatsoever, you were hurt by this outside force–a person, incident, experience–and it was awful?

It’s OK to say “yes” if you think so.

But as I investigate this thought…..can I absolutely know I was hurt for all time, forever? Can I know I was damaged? Can I know whatever broke should NOT have broken? Can I really know absolutely that nothing important came from it?

No.

How do you react when you think “I was hurt”.

I avoid any situation that could appear to be like it again. I’m careful in relationships. I don’t share. I keep to myself. I give up. I remember the pain. I run away.

I feel like someone who was hurt.

So who would you be without this belief “I was hurt”?

My mind almost goes….Wha??

What do you mean? But I WAS! I was hurt! I can tell you the whole story of how hurt I was and the scenes and proof and incidents and terrible moments! You would agree! Other people DO agree, who have heard my stories. I won’t be silenced!

OK, this isn’t about saying you’re crazy, or being in denial, or pretending what happened didn’t actually happen when it’s vivid in your mind’s eye. It’s not about keeping quiet, either.

It’s simply noticing what it’s like in the spaces between the thought “I was hurt” and without the conclusions you make about being hurt that never end.

It’s being without the belief that “I was hurt and it for sure means (terrible, negative, awful, horrible, vile, horrifying).”

Huh.

Without the belief I was ever hurt….I’m at peace right now.

I feel completely content, relaxed and comfortable in this moment. All is extremely well, and I notice the only thing alarming–if they appear–are my negative thoughts about being hurt.

Turning the thought around: I was not hurt.

What are my examples?

Well, I’m sitting here writing about it.

You find examples you know are real for you, no matter how small. I’m physically intact. I grew up. I survived. That person never yelled at me (the situation I’m thinking of, she just disappeared).

Turning the thought around again, can you find any examples of how you hurt the other person, or you attacked…..either someone else, or yourself?

I hurt myself by repeatedly remembering it and speaking the story to lots of people and holding it as a story of endless pain and agony and fear. I hurt myself by believing it was not-get-over-able. I hurt the other person in my mind, wishing for her failure and suffering, believing she was incapable of love and honesty, thinking of her as so powerful as to ruin my life.

Long ago when I was doing The Work on this very thought, the person facilitating me said she saw another turnaround.

Oh? I thought I got all three, and found examples for them all.

Well, she said, you could turn it all the way around to the complete opposite “I was healed” in that situation. What do you think?

I was back to No Words. What?? Healed?

But.

That wasn’t a healing situation, it was a suffering, painful, difficult….

….Oh. Right.

(I was already back into proving my original thought, even though I just did The Work. Already back into bolstering up how awful and hurtful it had all been, how painful, how much I had suffered, how it was all that other person’s fault, or God’s fault).

HEALED?

Jeez.

You sure do ask a lot here. Isn’t it enough that I’m doing The Work at all?

And yet….I began to find it.

I was healed, in that situation with that person, because I lived my life onward with greater awareness. I began to stand up straighter, move forward despite my thinking. I felt the presence of life, of the earth, of this temporary organism called me and how difficult situations are temporary–they aren’t happening endlessly 24/7. I unhooked myself from depending on the physical body, or relationships, or the place I’m standing, or money, or anything in reality to be a certain way in order to feel peace.

I was offered the experience of accepting loss, and seeing beyond it.

“Don’t anticipate and don’t regret, and there will be no pain. It is memory and imagination that causes suffering….When the mind takes over, remembers and anticipates, it exaggerates, it distorts, it overlooks…..Question, observe, investigate, learn all you can about confusion, how it operates, what it does to you and others. By being clear about confusion you become clear of confusion.” ~ Nisargadatta

When you’re discouraged, or you think your situation is too big and too overwhelming to question….

….narrow it down. Inquire into only one difficult moment. Write the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet. Then start with one concept, only one.

Who would you be without that one thought, in that one situation?

Wait for the answers.

Having a time when you were hurt does not mean forever, does not mean revisiting, remembering, anticipating, distorting.

Could it be also true something here is OK now, that healing also happened?

Yes.

Much love,

Grace

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Anticipating What Should or Shouldn’t Happen? Do This.

When you’re about to gather with other people for a meal….

….let’s say Thanksgiving, as a random example….

….before the event actually happens what do you notice in that head of yours, as you feel some anxiety, worry, sadness, wonder, confusion?

Any stressful feeling at all….

….what’s the thought behind it?

What’s the SHOULD or SHOULD NOT behind the feeling?

When you spend some time with that, here’s what you might notice.

(It’s really interesting, even moving and beautiful).

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Rockin’ In The Free World With Inquiry

with inquiry - free world
with inquiry – free world

I remember when I first got to The School for The Work ten years ago.

My thoughts so innocently at the time were basically I had no trouble with anyone….

….or if I did, that was in the past. Done. Fini.

Any remnant thoughts of those people were MY problem and I had done “a lot of work” on those problem people already, so I was kinda over it.

Code word for “a lot of work” is many hours in therapy, in workshops, or with close friends analyzing, discussing, rehashing and talking about the people who had been problems in my life.

And finding solutions for how not to feel bad about those people, or about myself.

All of it actually really important.

I don’t dismiss the profound support I received from mentors, people in dynamic roles offering different ways to approach my predicaments.

Awesome. Some invaluable.

But I really did talk about some of those problem people ad nauseam.

When I found The Work, it was soooooo fantastic for cutting through the BS, not explaining myself, not speaking in my own defense, not trying to sound pleasant and non-jugmental while still expressing terror or rage.

No, all that pretzel-twisting was over.

I didn’t have to try to communicate what I was feeling in any particular way.

It was on the paper. Unedited. Blunt. Real.

I could then begin to explore if these judgments and complaints were actually true.

It didn’t matter how I got the judgments in the first place, or if they were justified.

The focus was truth.

I brought up every single person I felt difficulty with in my life, one by one: grandpa, grandma, mom, dad, siblings, best friend, boyfriend, husband, dog.

I went for the relationships that had hurt the most, in my opinion.

The times that felt unbearable, devastating, or shameful.

Or when I felt like hitting someone I was so angry!

I noticed how I acted now, in my daily life, when I believed my thoughts about those people, even if they had been dead for years.

Mean. Impatient. Sad.

I then got to imagine who I’d be without my thoughts….

….Noticing the air, the chair I was sitting in, the open window latch, the hum of the distant street, the color of the plate on the table.

Present.

When I turned my thoughts around about those mean, nasty people from my past…..I got surprised!

She was controlling? I was controlling–of both her, but mostly of me! He was distant? I was distant from him, hiding my real thoughts–but mostly distant from myself! They were critical of me? I was critical of them inside my head–but mostly critical of myself inside my head.

Wow.

You mean this is no one’s fault? Nobody is to blame? Everyone was doing the best they could? They were just acting the same way I already was acting with me?

I could only really get this, though, by walking slowly through each concept on my worksheets–not by flipping to the turnarounds or being speedy about the process.

Going slowly was the speediest.

That’s why every week in the Relationships teleclass (or any teleclass), we look at one thought and walk it all the way from the top to the bottom of inquiry, investigating its flavor and meaning.

“Just understand that what you see is not what is. Appearances will dissolve on investigation and the underlying reality will come to the surface. You need not burn the house to get out of it. You just walk out. It is only when you cannot come and go freely that the house becomes a jail.”~ Nisargadatta

With inquiry, over and over again what I thought was true, I realize after inquiry…..wasn’t.

All those meanies and rejecters, weren’t, and didn’t.

This is not the natural way of my mind. My thoughts will still take off after someone who says something that stings. My heart will still feel broken about someone I miss. Adrenaline will still rush through my body with a jolt when I’m about to walk out on stage in front of a whole bunch of people or have an important confrontational talk with a friend.

But these reactions really are far, far, far less. I can’t tell you how much shorter, or how I’m already laughing even as the adrenaline is coming to the end of its wave.

It has made a difference.

Now, it feels most of the time like everything and anything can be worked with.

Bring it on, even. Bring it.

Wow, it’s a free world.

So free, I could dance!

Love, Grace

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Create Your Own Mini Retreat

Room for two more people on Saturday in Seattle’s Mini Retreat, write to me by hitting “reply” to this email if you want to come. 1:30-5:30 pm, worth 4 CEUs.

The process of the doing The Work really is like a guided meditation.

You can do it with yourself, if you’re patient with your own mind.

To have your own mini retreat like the one we’ll be doing in person on Saturday afternoon, set aside at least one hour of quiet time. Get a friend if you can. That will really help you stay on track.

Then follow these steps.

Step One: Think of a situation in which you felt hurt, anxious, angry or sad about someone else. Don’t do it on yourself. Everyone always wants to do it on themselves. But you weren’t born upset with yourself….it came alive through interactions with other people for the most part.

So go outward first, to keep it really simple.

Step Two: Get what you’re thinking, all the awkward, vicious, judgmental, depressing stuff on paper. Don’t edit yourself. You can burn the paper afterwards. The worksheet for doing this is the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and you can get it atwww.thework.com.

Step Three: Look over everything you’ve written down. All your aggressive, mean, childish, petty, judgmental concepts about that person in that difficult situation.

Pick ONE. Make sure the sentence, this concept, is very simple. If you’re like me and you write long sentences, you may have to break up this concept into two or three very simple, shorter sentences.

For example, you might write: “I am upset because he lied to me about the business transactions and told our secretary that she was going to be fired so she stormed out of the office”. To break this long sentence up, you would write: “he lied to me” and “he told our secretary she was going to be fired” and “she stormed out of the office.”

If you spend time with the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet you will consider on a very deep level WHY this was upsetting for you.

You’ll begin to wonder.

If someone “storms out” what is the trouble with that?

What should or shouldn’t have happened instead? What do you really, really need in that situation to bring you happiness, peace, tranquility, comfort?

Step Four: After you’ve picked only one, simple concept, either answer the questions called The Work in writing….or have someone ask you those questions.

Take it slowly.

Here are the four questions:

1) Is it true?

2) Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3) How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4) Who would you be without the thought, if you couldn’t even have the thought at all?

Step Five: Turn the thought you’ve been questioning around to the opposites. Example: he lied to me becomes a) I lied to him, b) he did NOT lie to me, and c) I lied to myself.

Study all of these. Open yourself to all of them. Open your heart to the flip side of the dual nature of the mind. Truth/Lying, Mean/Kind, Hate/Love.

Enter the world of All Sides. No Absolutes.

We’ll do this, quietly and in silence on Saturday.

But even if you live a long, long way from Seattle….you can have your own mini-retreat. Invite a few people over. Print out Judge Your Neighbor worksheets, and then the Facilitation Guide with the questions of The Work.

You never know what one afternoon meditation session can bring.

“The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness; it’s not about trying to change your mind. Let your mind ask the questions, then contemplate. Take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface.” ~ Byron Katie

If you notice that you’re a thinker….then having this time with that mind full of thoughts is so precious, you may be astonished at what can happen, rather than upset with your speedy analytical mental activity.

Your own brilliance may shine. You may find clarity, your own wisdom, your own answers.

Your life may change, just a little (or a whole lot). Soften, relax, pause, expand.

Sign me up.

Much love, Grace

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I Give Up

Every so often, I get the urge to close up shop, sell the cottage, and go live in a monastery.

You think I jest!

But no.

There will be a moment of fleeting thoughts, perhaps the to-do list…..

….the roof is leaking, the bed needs to be made, I need to post information about the April Horrible Food Wonderful Food weekend because hardly anyone knows about it yet, I should finalize my 2013 taxes and send them off….

….and then, for no apparent reason except maybe the natural inclination to escape, the thought enters “I give up”.

An idea to bring everything to simplicity. A surrender. The thought to lie down on the floor and do nothing.

Oh dear, though.

Then nothing would be done. And the darkness, or emptiness, or depression, or despair might take over.

The other day I was working with a lovely inquirer who came to this realization….

….”if I don’t have a drive to change, then, I wouldn’t change!”

This is one of my absolute most favorite difficult and troubling concepts to question.

If I love everything the way it is, as it is right now, I won’t TRY to achieve anything. I won’t move, I won’t take action, I won’t want to do anything.

Ever!

Are you sure?

Yes. I dream of lying on the beach all day, doing whatever I want, whenever I want to. I dream of meditating, living in the monastery, being extremely simple, reading books. I dream of staying in bed all day, eating or having sex or sleeping.

Everyone’s got their images of dreamy non-doing.

Are you positive that this is what you’d be doing, this is what you’d follow and how you’d live, if you had no urgency to change, no stress, no upset?

Well. I’m not sure. Personally, my answer is no.

I don’t know if I’d like endless monastery life, I hate staying in bed all day, and the beach is only fun for me if I get in the water, talk, walk or play volleyball, or meditate under the shady umbrella.

How do you react when you believe the thought that you can’t stop feeling stress because your stress motivates you to change?

And of course, you HAVE to change. The current state of affairs sucks, right?

Not enough! Too much!

But who would you be without the thought that you need to change, and you need pain to motivate you to change?

I am not talking about pretending that your state is pure heaven, when it is not.

This is not weird mind-control, affirmation, crazy-ville talk.

But really, when I realize that perhaps not only pain motivates me, but actually support, love, encouragement, silence and relaxation support me…

…I feel relief. I feel excited. I feel much more creative.

I don’t feel physically hopeless.

I notice I have energy, thrill, movement, action arise inside me. I love writing. I love organizing and studying what works for people around healing eating issues. I love dancing.

I only like lying on the floor doing nothing, sometimes.

Without the belief that I absolutely HAVE to change, I might notice that I kind of love the idea of change…and even that I can’t help but change…that it’s not possible to remain stagnant and NOT change.

Without the belief that only pain makes gain (eww) things appear to be very obvious much more quickly. I follow my intuition, I don’t get side-tracked, I remember what the point of All This is, is unknown (to the mind) but I may as well enjoy the ride.

(I love how Adyashanti always says “enjoy yourself”, it makes me chuckle and nod).

Turning the thoughts around, I find I do NOT need to drive change in order to change.

Nothing big and dramatic actually needs to happen…I can notice tiny movements towards honesty. I bring up something I’ve been wanting to speak about to my mate for awhile. I tell my deepest truth to a family member. I ask for help. I pray. I stop hiding anything. I look up at the sky with rain falling down on my cheeks.

I question what I’m thinking.

This organism moves.

“‘My life is over’–ask ‘is it true? Can I absolutely know? How do I react when I believe that? Who would I be, just in this moment, if I didn’t believe it?’ Then turn it around and allow life to show you the new way to move forward, the way that you haven’t seen yet…..When your old plan is gone, your mind immediately fills with new possibilities.” ~ Byron Katie

If you did not HAVE to change, and you relaxed on your urgency to force something to happen….are you sure you would give up, and do nothing…or that nothing would then happen?

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” ~ Eckhart Tolle 

Wow, now that’s a turnaround.

Yes! I can do this! I give up! All is well!

Much love,

Grace

 

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Join Others And Let The Tao Sing In Your Life

The mini retreat is now closed for tomorrow. An employer decided to pay for all her employees to take the retreat together so we’re doing it separately with only their company.

If you had a little spark of thinking about coming…the March 8th and May 3 will be the next open Saturday afternoons of The Work in Seatown (that’s fondly for Seattle).

Whether you’re experienced or not, everyone will be welcome.

Getting together with others is not always an easy choice.

If you’re particularly introverted like me (I come out very extreme every single time I’ve taken the Meyers-Briggs test, toward the Introverted side of the scale) then your first thought about joining a group of any kind may be like mine.

Isn’t there a book somewhere on this topic? That I could read BY MYSELF? Do I have to get together with other people?

Heck, even someone on the Extraverted side of the scale might have reservations.

(As if these “scales” actually exist, but for the sake of the discussion, I will continue).

Admit it! Other people can be annoying! Or scary!

Many years ago when I had a wonderful mentor/therapist, I told her that I was invited to a party the coming weekend.

“Oh?” she replied, “How will that be for you if you don’t drink alcohol and don’t overeat any food?”

Gulp.

I told her I would have anxiety just walking into the house!

She said “Oh, I’ve had the same feeling. But remember the other people there are Human Beings. You can stand next to someone and actually say ‘I’m a little nervous about being here’. Have a real conversation.”

Wow, a real honest conversation?

What would be the worst that could happen, if you joined a workshop, event, class, group, retreat, party, gathering, trip……..with other humans?

Let’s go ahead and see what some of the stressful thoughts are:

  • someone might dominate the entire group, the conversation, or every activity with their talking on and on
  • there might be someone rude or scary present
  • I might have to talk, expose myself and have everyone hear me, or stare at me….they might think I’m an idiot
  • I could appear foolish, naive, immature, selfish, bossy, or any other quality where people won’t like me
  • someone might start crying, sobbing, freaking out, yelling, or getting really emotional….and that would make me nervous
  • somebody might be needy and start asking for attention from me or others, I might feel compelled to help them and not get what I need

Oh boy. Lots of potential dangers. It’s a jungle out there.

And I’m not kidding!

Let’s say you like the idea of learning meditation, or going to AA, or taking an art class, or going to school, or attending a party, or taking a workshop…….but you hesitate.

Is it true that there could be someone else who dominates, controls….or someone needy and desperate…either of whom might “take over” the group focus?

Is it true that when I reveal my inner world, someone might be disgusted or appalled?

Well, YEAH! I’ve been in these situations before! Very uncomfortable! I wanted to get OUTTA THERE!

But are you absolutely sure you couldn’t get what you needed? Are you positive that when people judged you, that was terrible?

Are you certain that the person who stirred things up was someone you need to run from?

No.

How do you react when you believe the thought that Other People’s needs or behavior can conflict with your own?

That you might have to “deal” with tough people and it will be hard?Oh man.

I avoid groups. I keep a low profile. I don’t sign up for that many group-ish things. I run to my car when an event is over. I don’t ask friends to go with me. I put up a shield against whoever I think of as “trouble”.

And who would I be if I didn’t even have these kinds of thoughts?

If I noticed what I enjoy, and the topics I want to learn more about, and the attraction I have towards classes or workshops…. ….and I simply follow my preferences?

Who would I be without the thought that something bad might happen with a person there? Or that IF someone were difficult that’s the last thing I want?

Woah.

Without the thought that people could make me feel uncomfortable? Without the thought that something might be awkward?

I’d be excited. I’d be ready for anything. I’d say “bring it on” and join with others all the time.

I’d come and go and leave and stay with a deep freedom, something solid, no hesitation, no worries about what should or should not happen.

Without the thought that feeling uncomfortable is something to be avoided…I’d join. I’d walk through the door. I’d sign up.

Someone difficult would be the FIRST thing I’d want.

Turning the thoughts around:

  • someone might serve the entire group, the conversation, or every activity with their talking
  • there might be someone kind or very loving present
  • I might have to talk, expose myself and have everyone hear me, or stare at me….they might think I’m normal, and awesome
  • I could appear foolish, naive, immature, selfish, bossy, or willing, honest, mature, selfless, humble…and people will think whatever they think
  • someone might start crying, sobbing, freaking out, yelling, or getting really emotional and that would make me excited
  • somebody might be needy and start asking for attention from me or others, and I might get exactly what I need by whatever happens next

When every single danger could be an opportunity it’s an adventure to join with Other People.

When every exchange, lesson or activity that is presented in a group creates potential for enlightenment of my own thinking…

…I go.

Almost everything of deep value, I notice, I’ve learned by someone or something bringing it to me. I am presented it by reality, in the form of these Other People.

By looking and being with them, I am with myself.

“Let the Tao become present in your life and you will become genuine. Let it be present in your family and your family will flourish. Let it be present in your country and your country will be an example to all the countries in the world. Let it be present in the universe and the universe will sing.” ~ Tao Teo Ching #54

This universe that I let the Tao be present in includes people and all their reactions, forms, words, behaviors, dominance, neediness…whatever form they/it takes.

Oh boy, can’t wait to show up in whatever group thing is going on next.

I’ve always enjoyed being in the background, sitting in a cafe, watching people. But now, when I sit in a cafe, sometimes people watch me. It’s a challenge. But it’s usually people who want to say ‘your book transformed my life’, or something… so then I’m joyful. One moment before, I didn’t want them to recognise me, but when they do, I’m glad. ~ Eckhart Tolle

Even if you’re very shy…or maybe BECAUSE you are very shy…you may find great joy and just the right amount of contact in the upcoming Year of Inquiry.

It’s filling up. With your peeps.

Come experience the challenge and joy of inquiry with others, even if you’re shy.

(Monthly payment plans available, we meet on Fridays for a year, 3 times per month on telephone). Write me with questions grace@workwithgrace.com.

Connections of a Lifetime in YOI (Year of Inquiry)
It is really valuable to make the personal connections/friendships that we are forming in the group. They are those lifetime, special connection, we were in it together, kinda friendships. And, like The School, it’s basis is life-giving, healing, transcending. So the friendship level is a very high vibration. Like we support each other in being the best we can be, which for me means the most peaceful/loving we can be, (rather than the most successful in society’s eyes we can be.) It reminds me of the bonds/friendships I formed in seminary.~ YOI participant, Oregon  

We start March 7th.

Love, Grace

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Competition Seen Clearly – No Win or Lose, Better or Worse

Reminder: Free Calls Work With Grace TODAY! Talk soon!

Phone: 206-402-0100 PIN Code 305799#

Skype: Call “joinconference” in your keypad, and then enter PIN 305799#

Listen on your computer (no talking):Click here to listen at 8 am Pacific Time

Listen on your computer (no talking): Click here to connect at 5:15 pm 9/5

*******

This past weekend in the US and Canada we had a long weekend, with Monday being a holiday.

The sun was bright, the smell of the sea air rich and fabulous, seagulls calling and sweeping through the air, as my two children and husband rode off on the ferry to Victoria, British Columbia, for high tea.

I am a British Citizen and so are my two children, even though they haven’t been to England (yet).

This two day adventure was planned long ago.

One brilliant part of the journey was spending half a day (and we wanted more) in the Royal BC Museum.

There just happened to be a display, in gorgeous photography and timelines, of the sordid and dramatic tale of one of my favorite stories (for some weird reason)….humans making it to the South Pole.

The continent had been visited. But now, there was interest in getting to the actual middle of the South Pole, the very center.

A great competition unfolded. Norwegians versus the Brits. Who would get there first?

If you don’t know the brutal story of these journeys…I’m afraid I have to reveal the ending.

The Norwegians won. And the final British party made it, stuck their flag in next to the tattered Norwegian flag and tent, and on their way back to safety…perished.

Based on the diary of the leader of the Brits, I had to chuckle when he wrote “the worst has happened” as they spied the Norwegian flag flying in the distance, and they realized they had lost the race.

Competition is a fierce and sometimes desperate energy…and a little skewed from reality.

The two extreme sides of it are 1) absolute intense determination to win, an almost enraged sense of purpose, ready to destroy anything in the way (not that I’ve ever felt that before).

And, 2) a similar intensity which says “I will not play, I don’t care, I refuse to compete, I give up entirely, I am nothing, I won’t do it.” (I wouldn’t know about that one either).

Many of us have touched on both sides, or at least felt the immense yearning for the power to win or succeed, or the power to refuse to play and to be very small.

But even if you haven’t felt the extremes…the awareness of competing enters into many peoples’ minds every day.

It’s called Comparison.

I saw concepts written right in front of me, in the story of the two leaders who raced to the South Pole, with their entire countries behind them waiting for the news of their success or defeat.

They wanted to be The One. They were willing to go to any lengths.

Which turned out to be Death for several of them.

“Every ego wants to be special. If it can’t be special by being superior to others, it’s also quite happy with being especially miserable. Someone will say, ‘I have a headache,’ and another says, ‘I’ve had a headache for weeks.’ People actually compete to see who is more miserable! The ego that does that is just as big as the one that thinks it’s superior to someone else.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

The way you know you are comparing yourself to someone else and having a little competition moment is that you see them, and something clenches inside.

I’ve had thoughts like these (some are kind of embarrassing):

  • she’s made it in her business in her 30s, she’s way ahead of me, I’m running out of time
  • he’s published four books, I’ve published zero
  • she has a gazillion more followers on her Facebook page
  • she has a ton of education to still finish so she won’t be my competition any time soon
  • he hates himself too much to become ultra successful (in which case I might be jealous)
  • I can’t believe with such a goofy haircut he was on Oprah and teaches sold out retreats
  • her life story is so extreme I’ve faced nothing compared to that, it makes me look like I got stung by a bee and thought it was the end of the world

That kind of thinking, while so immature, separating and busy that you may want to dismiss it and ignore it…is wonderful to question.

It allows those thoughts of competition to live, and be honored.

Maybe the energy of the competition is there as a striving to survive, to master, to create…who knows?

So who would I be without these thoughts as I see the varied and enormous number of characters enter and exit my thoughts, my awareness, my environment?

What if I couldn’t even have the thoughts that someone is better or worse off than me? Doing well or Not-so-well? Us versus Them? Bigger vs Smaller?

The idea that there’s a perfect image of success vs what’s-actually-happening?

I had the thought that without such a furious feeling of competition, perhaps all the men racing to the South Pole would have lived, and worked together….but then the story wouldn’t be so exciting, or such a teacher, something worthy of museum display 100 years later.

And if the ultimate competition is to go beyond this life on earth…well then the British won. (Ha!)

The turnarounds to this thinking truly are “I don’t know” what is success, there is no better or worse, there is no end point to the win or the lose (something always happens next), it is impossible to measure anything absolutely.

Everything simply is the way it is…beautifully, perfectly, kindly empty or full.

The first time I went to see Adyashanti, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, I said as I came to the microphone full of questions and desperation about understanding All This.

With trembling hands and tearful voice, I took the mic. “I never heard of you before until recently, and I’m so glad to be here.”

He replied “I never heard of YOU before either.”

Love, Grace

If you’re ready to join in the company of other amazing inquirers and work together (even if you notice comparison arise) then join us:

 

Click here to read about or register for the 8 week teleclass.

Click here to read about or register for YOI!

 

Love, Grace

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Free Group Inquiry Scoop

Many people wrote to me recently (thank you all so much) and I am called to respond to one of the most common requests I’ve received: you would love a chance to do one trial teleclass with a small group without signing up for a big long course, or maybe even a 2 month course.

You want to try out group inquiry first!

Makes so much sense to me! I would want the exact same thing, some idea of what it might be like to do something to see if it would be a good fit for me.

So—I’m offering two live teleclasses on Monday, June 10th at both 8:15 am and 5:15 pm Pacific Time for 90 minutes.

Anyone can come join the call and participate, or just listen, and connect with like-minded inquirers to work through a stressful belief.

There is no fee for this.

Here are the instructions for joining the inquiry call. With phone, just dial the number and then enter the pin code.

If you are using skype from anywhere in the world, open your key pad and enter “joinconference” in the place you would put a phone number, call it, and you will be connected. Then locate the key pad again and enter in the six code number.

Title: Work With Grace Inquiry
Time: Monday, June 10th at 8:15am Pacific AND/OR 5:15 pm Pacific
Listening method: Phone or Skype
 Phone number: (206) 402-0100 or “join conference” with Skype
PIN Code: 305799#

If you like, bring to the call a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet already filled out on a very stressful situation you hold in your mind.

This can be a current stressful situation or one from the long-distant past that creates sadness, anger, upset, fear, worry, frustration or irritation.

Visualize the scene that is most troubling in that memory. See the person who is annoying or frightening to you. Remember what they said and did, then write short, simple sentences on your worksheet.

Whatever group assembles, we will move through inquiry together and question a painful belief.

You can just listen, or you can participate actively.

You can be on the call even if you don’t have a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

Your presence will be appreciated and just being there will make a difference for you and for the group.

This won’t be a call for sharing long stories or speaking about your stressful experiences in detail. This will be a call for the power of group inquiry together. My favorite!

Love, Grace

P.S. The One Year Program starts on Tuesday, June 11th and I will include more information about it very soon. Important to know is that YES, you can join only the teleclass portion of the program (no in-person retreats or solo sessions) AND you can make payments for the program in small chunks that work for you per month. Write and ask me about this.

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Liking Green Eggs And Ham Reality

As you read this, I am probably somewhere over the Pacific ocean, on board an airplane to Bali. I will post Grace Notes from there….who knows what will go on in the mind with a little change of scenery in the environment.

Many of us have had the opportunity and privilege to travel somewhere, some time, from point A to point B.

Doesn’t matter if it’s in a car, a train, a taxi, a boat, an airplane. You may have traveled five blocks, or five thousand kilometers.

I have a little joke that seems to appear in my mind every so often….and makes me often laugh out loud.

A little private joke with myself, and today I’ll tell it to you.

Have you ever read Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss? I read it about one thousand eight hundred and forty two times as an adult, about fifteen years ago. I usually had two kids sitting near me, or at least one, and was reading it out loud.

I also listened to it many times when I was a girl.

The images Dr. Seuss drew appear in my mind regularly….as the backdrop to the question “Will you question your thinking everywhere? In all circumstances? In absolutely any frightening, difficult or tricky situation?”

How about on a train? With a goat? On a boat? In a plane?

Will you question your thoughts anywhere?

Won’t you try on Reality, and question it, and see if you like it?

Won’t you see if it’s a friendly universe? How about just a taste?

NO says this little inner scaredy cat place. No, no, no. I will not try to relax, or change my point of view Here nor There, I will not try that ANYWHERE.

NO says resistance, the little self that needs a wall up, that is sure it needs protection from dangerous possibilities.

No, I will not change my perspective when my relationship ends, when I am terrified, when people die, when I get sick, when people do weird and upsetting and creepy things, when friends betray me, when I feel hurt.

Basically, that inner place that doesn’t wish to try on new orientations, or open to very, very radical different ideas….that inner “ego” place is one big NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Arms folded across the chest.

And then comes a day when you may be so hungry, you just have to try those green eggs and ham.

Or perhaps something (like Sam-I-Am) has invited you over and over again, never giving up, always tickling your mind (or nagging) to JUST TRY QUESTIONING YOUR REALITY and see what happens.

Maybe you’ll be beaten down by life circumstances, and you’ll think, “why not simply question what I’m thinking?”

“Deep down we all suspect that something is very wrong with the way we perceive life but we try very, very hard not to notice it. And the way we remain blind to our frightful condition is through an obsessive and pathological denial of being — as if some dreadful fate would overcome us if we were to face the pure light of truth and lay bare our fearful clinging to illusion.” ~ Adyashanti

Soon, I will be looking at a country I’ve never seen before (as far as I know) and encountering brand new visions, sites, people, languages, food, money, weather…

…and it will be so exciting to see what happens, in the mind, and watch as it dances the way it has tended to do, so far.

Thankfully, I’ll be there with inquiry.

You don’t have to change countries to do it. You can do it from your vista, where you are right now…at work, in a car, in a box, with a fox, in the dark, in the rain, on a train…

….and yes, even in that pretty rough situation, that feels frightening or full of anguish.

Do you like reality?

I do, I do like it! And I will see if I like it in EVERY situation!

Much love, Grace