The mini retreat is now closed for tomorrow. An employer decided to pay for all her employees to take the retreat together so we’re doing it separately with only their company.
If you had a little spark of thinking about coming…the March 8th and May 3 will be the next open Saturday afternoons of The Work in Seatown (that’s fondly for Seattle).
Whether you’re experienced or not, everyone will be welcome.
Getting together with others is not always an easy choice.
If you’re particularly introverted like me (I come out very extreme every single time I’ve taken the Meyers-Briggs test, toward the Introverted side of the scale) then your first thought about joining a group of any kind may be like mine.
Isn’t there a book somewhere on this topic? That I could read BY MYSELF? Do I have to get together with other people?
Heck, even someone on the Extraverted side of the scale might have reservations.
(As if these “scales” actually exist, but for the sake of the discussion, I will continue).
Admit it! Other people can be annoying! Or scary!
Many years ago when I had a wonderful mentor/therapist, I told her that I was invited to a party the coming weekend.
“Oh?” she replied, “How will that be for you if you don’t drink alcohol and don’t overeat any food?”
Gulp.
I told her I would have anxiety just walking into the house!
She said “Oh, I’ve had the same feeling. But remember the other people there are Human Beings. You can stand next to someone and actually say ‘I’m a little nervous about being here’. Have a real conversation.”
Wow, a real honest conversation?
What would be the worst that could happen, if you joined a workshop, event, class, group, retreat, party, gathering, trip……..with other humans?
Let’s go ahead and see what some of the stressful thoughts are:
- someone might dominate the entire group, the conversation, or every activity with their talking on and on
- there might be someone rude or scary present
- I might have to talk, expose myself and have everyone hear me, or stare at me….they might think I’m an idiot
- I could appear foolish, naive, immature, selfish, bossy, or any other quality where people won’t like me
- someone might start crying, sobbing, freaking out, yelling, or getting really emotional….and that would make me nervous
- somebody might be needy and start asking for attention from me or others, I might feel compelled to help them and not get what I need
Oh boy. Lots of potential dangers. It’s a jungle out there.
And I’m not kidding!
Let’s say you like the idea of learning meditation, or going to AA, or taking an art class, or going to school, or attending a party, or taking a workshop…….but you hesitate.
Is it true that there could be someone else who dominates, controls….or someone needy and desperate…either of whom might “take over” the group focus?
Is it true that when I reveal my inner world, someone might be disgusted or appalled?
Well, YEAH! I’ve been in these situations before! Very uncomfortable! I wanted to get OUTTA THERE!
But are you absolutely sure you couldn’t get what you needed? Are you positive that when people judged you, that was terrible?
Are you certain that the person who stirred things up was someone you need to run from?
No.
How do you react when you believe the thought that Other People’s needs or behavior can conflict with your own?
That you might have to “deal” with tough people and it will be hard?Oh man.
I avoid groups. I keep a low profile. I don’t sign up for that many group-ish things. I run to my car when an event is over. I don’t ask friends to go with me. I put up a shield against whoever I think of as “trouble”.
And who would I be if I didn’t even have these kinds of thoughts?
If I noticed what I enjoy, and the topics I want to learn more about, and the attraction I have towards classes or workshops…. ….and I simply follow my preferences?
Who would I be without the thought that something bad might happen with a person there? Or that IF someone were difficult that’s the last thing I want?
Woah.
Without the thought that people could make me feel uncomfortable? Without the thought that something might be awkward?
I’d be excited. I’d be ready for anything. I’d say “bring it on” and join with others all the time.
I’d come and go and leave and stay with a deep freedom, something solid, no hesitation, no worries about what should or should not happen.
Without the thought that feeling uncomfortable is something to be avoided…I’d join. I’d walk through the door. I’d sign up.
Someone difficult would be the FIRST thing I’d want.
Turning the thoughts around:
- someone might serve the entire group, the conversation, or every activity with their talking
- there might be someone kind or very loving present
- I might have to talk, expose myself and have everyone hear me, or stare at me….they might think I’m normal, and awesome
- I could appear foolish, naive, immature, selfish, bossy, or willing, honest, mature, selfless, humble…and people will think whatever they think
- someone might start crying, sobbing, freaking out, yelling, or getting really emotional and that would make me excited
- somebody might be needy and start asking for attention from me or others, and I might get exactly what I need by whatever happens next
When every single danger could be an opportunity it’s an adventure to join with Other People.
When every exchange, lesson or activity that is presented in a group creates potential for enlightenment of my own thinking…
…I go.
Almost everything of deep value, I notice, I’ve learned by someone or something bringing it to me. I am presented it by reality, in the form of these Other People.
By looking and being with them, I am with myself.
“Let the Tao become present in your life and you will become genuine. Let it be present in your family and your family will flourish. Let it be present in your country and your country will be an example to all the countries in the world. Let it be present in the universe and the universe will sing.” ~ Tao Teo Ching #54
This universe that I let the Tao be present in includes people and all their reactions, forms, words, behaviors, dominance, neediness…whatever form they/it takes.
Oh boy, can’t wait to show up in whatever group thing is going on next.
I’ve always enjoyed being in the background, sitting in a cafe, watching people. But now, when I sit in a cafe, sometimes people watch me. It’s a challenge. But it’s usually people who want to say ‘your book transformed my life’, or something… so then I’m joyful. One moment before, I didn’t want them to recognise me, but when they do, I’m glad. ~ Eckhart Tolle
Even if you’re very shy…or maybe BECAUSE you are very shy…you may find great joy and just the right amount of contact in the upcoming Year of Inquiry.
It’s filling up. With your peeps.
Come experience the challenge and joy of inquiry with others, even if you’re shy.
(Monthly payment plans available, we meet on Fridays for a year, 3 times per month on telephone). Write me with questions grace@workwithgrace.com.
Connections of a Lifetime in YOI (Year of Inquiry) It is really valuable to make the personal connections/friendships that we are forming in the group. They are those lifetime, special connection, we were in it together, kinda friendships. And, like The School, it’s basis is life-giving, healing, transcending. So the friendship level is a very high vibration. Like we support each other in being the best we can be, which for me means the most peaceful/loving we can be, (rather than the most successful in society’s eyes we can be.) It reminds me of the bonds/friendships I formed in seminary.~ YOI participant, OregonWe start March 7th.
Love, Grace