Tag: tao te ching

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Do the same thoughts appear and re-appear for inquiry in your life? The good news about that.

  • Breitenbush is filling and it’s only $245 tuition until 10/31 (it goes up to $295 on 11/1). Thurs eve to Sunday lunch (+lodging and meals at low-season rate). 16 CEUs for mental health professionals or 12 for ITW candidates.
  • Seattle East West Books November 3rd 2-5pm $40 The simple Work of Byron Katie
  • Eating Peace Retreat Jan 9-14, 2019 Seattle. Deep immersion in The Work and eating, dependency, compulsions and body image issues.

I had the best time talking about The Work with my friend Todd Smith who is also a certified facilitator of The Work.Our conversation is the revival of the itunes Peace Talk podcast! You can also download it here.

One thing that struck me about talking with Todd was something he said that I’ve also experienced: The Work just never gets boring.

Which is somewhat SHOCKING, given some part of me that’s ALWAYS wanting to be entertained.

But what if you’ve thought The Work HAS gotten boring?

What if you’ve had the thought “this isn’t working for me!!”

Well, surprise….I’ve had those thoughts too.

Not that long ago, I shared a Grace Note about money woes and worries, and someone wrote back to me that she’s noticed I’ve written about the same thing before.

In other words, she was wondering about the experience of change or absence of it. Because here I was again looping back to the same old thoughts about money like “I need more” and “there won’t be enough” and “I have to work hard to get it” and “I’ll lose it.” Blah blah blah, right?

I loved this reflection and question from the reader.

Because it reminded me how change has occurred in my life, sometimes rather suddenly, but way, way, way more often slowly, incrementally, step-by-step, one day at a time. Todd and I were noticing this orientation to practicing The Work during our podcast conversation, as we shared our experiences doing inquiry.

The mild, tiny adjustments that have occurred in the process of self-inquiry are the ones that for me, seem to stick.

There is a term I learned from a friend once who received her master’s degree in food science. She told me about the word “titrate”.

When someone is titrating one thing into another, what this means is they’re adding one substance or chemical to another larger substance one tiny drop at a time so that it mixes in and is imperceptible, until a certain point when it one more drop tips to “perceptible” and measurable and the whole thing mixed together is neutralized.

When The Work “works” for me, it feels like the great issues of the human condition appear and reappear in my daily life over and over, and they are questioned one moment at a time, one drop at a time.

And as I look back at the road taken, I chuckle at the adventure and the stories I traveled through. They no longer appear to be horror stories, or traumatic stories, or dangerous stories. (And if they do appear frightening or disappointing, I can question them, of course).

What are the great issues and stories I’ve become most aware of over time, that seem to have repeated themselves in different formats and themes?

Here they are:

1) Thinking “my” survival and security are threatened. Physical pain or danger or injury, sickness, death, money.

2) Thinking my needs are not being met in relationship to others. I don’t have enough love, kindness, sharing, or there’s loss of attention, being cut off or dismissed, someone’s angry. (See #1).

3) Thinking other peoples’ needs aren’t being met. Worry about their pain, money, sickness, injury, lack of safety, death. Which reminds me of my own and of course I notice I’d be happier if they were happier. (Uh, See #1 again).

4) Thinking pleasure or joy or love or rest isn’t possible in certain situations. Noise, rage, natural “disasters”, violence, surprise. I’m here temporarily and there are no guarantees about survival. (Hmmm, See #1).

5) Thinking there’s something wrong with me and if I fix it I’ll feel better. Shame, guilt, self-criticism, fear, addiction. (Come to think of it, my own mind is an enemy: See #1).

It seems like as I look at everything I object to….

….it’s about “my” survival and “my” happiness and “my” security.

Not that there’s anything wrong with this “my” thing going on. LOL.

It’s quite natural after all, for me to be taking care of me and watching out for me and learning about me and navigating a course for me and being with me.

But who would we be without the beliefs that all point to something-is-threatening……me?

What is this “me” that is so threatened anyway?

Woah.

Maybe if we got there all at once with our stories of stress and suffering, the beautiful slow process of gentle titration wouldn’t happen the way it does, and we’d have a cracked open mind or go completely bonkers (not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Consider the outliers who have sudden “awakenings” like Byron Katie or Eckhart Tolle. They didn’t have a very good time to the point leading up to their breakdowns. It was so severe, they almost committed suicide. And maybe not so easy after they cracked open, either.

Who would we be without the belief “it needs to change faster” in my mind or “my approach to inquiry needs to be more dramatic” or “The Work needs to produce a clear, obvious upgrade” or “I shouldn’t need to repeatedly question the very same story”?

Are you sure it’s the exact same story? Are you sure you’re not progressing? Are you sure something’s not working, or needs to go faster?

What I notice is something happening that’s like a slow, slow dawning. Not too fast. Not too slow. Just right for this one.

Repeating itself. Sun rising, once again. Sun setting, once again. Coming and going.

Noticing how much is repeated, reborn, dying again.

The Way of It.

“How do I know when it’s time to do The Work? I don’t even have to know what to do The Work on–it appears. The story comes, and if it’s not totally comfortable, undo it–or not.” ~ Byron Katie

If you do The Work on the very same thing every single day, can you absolutely know it’s true that nothing is changing?

No.

Are you sure something needs to change?

No.

Isn’t that exciting!?

“In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added. In the practice of the Tao, every day something is dropped. Less and less do you need to force things, until finally you arrive at non-action. When nothing is done, nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained by letting things go their own way. It can’t be gained by interfering.” ~ Tao Te Ching #48

Much love,
Grace
P.S. Join me live on facebook on Mondays at 2 pm Pacific Time.

Head to Work With Grace facebook page and “like” it to be alerted to the live show.
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The day I lost control and felt suicidal because of eating

One of the most painful experiences I had in my early days of trying to find peace with eating (and with life) was my efforts to control the chaos.

I attempted to control my food, my exercise, my cravings, my thoughts, my emotions, and my experiences.

I had recognized the insanity of my thoughts and my eating, so one of my first solutions was to apply MORE force, control and rigidity to my behavior and plans with food. Food was frightening and should be kept at bay.

This is not uncommon. It’s the mindset where “dieting” comes from. Activate willpower, discipline and control, and you’ll find peace.

The problem was, I was so at war internally….I was full of anxiety, even when I no longer binge-ate for a couple of years.

One day, I cracked. I ate for hours, like a wild rebellion cut loose like a geyser. I felt so awful, I wanted to die.

This is when I decided there has to be another way besides dieting or controlling what I’m eating. Because even though I had been “abstinent” from binge-eating for a couple of years, I was miserable.

In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,
nothing is left undone. True mastery can be gained 
by letting things go their own way. 
It can’t be gained by interfering. 
~ Tao Te Ching #48

 

Much love,

Grace

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Orchestrate your happiness. It’s not what you think.

Do you ever want the future to go a certain way?

LOL.

It’s almost considered odd NOT to think the future should go a certain way.

We so think we KNOW what would work best, what success looks like, or surviving well. I might lose what I have, or I might not get something I want.

The other day, my mind had the belief when I woke up in the morning: It would be bad if no one came to my retreats this spring. I need to make announcements about them. I wish there was only one, not two (because there are too many seats to fill). They’re too close together.  

I started dreaming of the work I’d do that day before I was even out of bed; posting the events to the free city events page for the general public, submitting to local publications, contacting the workshop postings for mental health practitioners.

And then, I chuckled.

The brilliant question hung in the air like a sweet melody, before I even started in on the tasks I had in mind:

Can I know it’s true not enough people will come to retreat if there are two right in a row? Can I really know it’s better if they’re “full”?

Is this really a scary scenario for me, this picture of “not enough”? Really?

This thought could be a story I’ve told a zillion times in my mind.

Later, soon, in the future….there won’t be enough support, there won’t be enough company, there won’t be enough money, there won’t be enough excitement, there won’t be enough time, there won’t be enough love, there won’t be enough health, there won’t be enough life.

What a nervous wreck to think these thoughts so regularly. The potential for things to go “wrong” always parading around. The desire for things to go “right” (and I know what it looks like) always hanging in the air.

What do you envision as successful in your future? What do you want to make sure NEVER happens?

How do you react when you think there’s a possibility for success or failure, and you want it to go the way you prefer?

I get all narrow-minded on the success track. I believe I ‘have to’ do certain things to make it go in that direction. I believe I’m the one running the show here. I work with urgency, or with a push. I don’t have fun. I’m determined in an intense way. I’m nervous about it going the “bad” way.

Everything becomes Not Fun.

Sometimes, I procrastinate. I think about doing something and say I should be doing it, but it feels so pressured I also rebel against it all, and go to yoga. I listen to youtubes. I watch The Crown on Netflix.

I get pictures in my head of other people thinking I’m a dork when it comes to marketing anything. Inefficient. Lousy at it. The people expecting incoming calls at Breitenbush to be disappointed, because…..crickets.

Who would I be without this stressful story that it would be bad if the two retreats coming up weren’t full?

A weight lifted.

I’d be happy. Today.

I’d notice the calendar has something on it in mid-May, and again in mid-June. I wouldn’t feel resistant to it, or concerned. It would be what it is.

I’d stop acting like I’m God the Dictator and I Know Everything. I’d let out a sigh (and a chuckle) of joy at how sure a thought flames up in a second about what needs to be avoided….but how I’ve also got the amazing and beautiful question “is it true?” (And it’s not even “mine”).

I’d feel the energy running through this very moment of aliveness. Hearing the dryer turn the clothes. See red sleeves near laptop keys. Gazing at wooden bowl next to a box of tissues. Hearing husband’s feet tap tap walking and opening a drawer.

This moment a poetry.

Every possible way the future goes….perfect.

Trusting what is. Letting life do it. Letting God do it (it is already). Noticing all the people already on the list for May. Feeling the happiness and peace whether events are full, or not full, or the worst turnout ever, or the best.

Noticing what is done today and very much enjoying the ride. I could die tomorrow, and what I did today to post information about these retreats would have still been interesting, even fun. Not annoying tasks.

Turning the thought around: It would be fantastic if no one came to my retreats this spring. I do not need to make announcements about them. I wish there was just the number there are (none in this moment as I am alone on my couch). There are not too many seats to fill. These retreats are perfectly spaced.

Turning the thoughts around again: It would be bad if I didn’t come to my own retreats this spring. If I didn’t approach my thinking with The Work. I need to announce my thinking, to expose it and share it with myself. There’s too much thinking to fill (yes, in my head). My thoughts are too close together. 

Good heavens. Is it my thinking that’s scary or the actual outcome I’m sure would be a disaster?

Only my thinking.

Can you find good reasons, interesting or helpful or advantageous reasons for it going the “wrong” way in the future, whatever it is you’re worried about?

Hmmm. If I have small retreat sizes, I can eliminate one next year. I can give lovely close attention and more time to each person who attends. I’ll have fewer supplies to put together. I’ll get to experience the joy that’s possible even if only ONE person is joining me in inquiry. If no one came at all, I’d get four days in silent inquiry with myself. I could further develop the curriculum. I’d relax knowing we have plenty of time for each exercise. I’d get to meditate.

“I invite you to look forward to an uncomfortable feeling, find clarity through investigation, and meet your own discomfort with understanding. Orchestrate your own happiness. Why wait for anything or anyone outside you to bring contentment and harmony?” ~ Byron Katie

What a beautiful retreat has arrived, after answering four questions. Like, right now.

Oh. Haha.

Who are you without the belief that something might not go right in the future?

Not believing your thoughts. Orchestrating your own happiness.

Feeling the harmony of what is.

In pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done,

nothing is left undone.

True mastery can be gained
by letting things go their own way.
It can’t be gained by interfering.
~ Tao Te Ching #48 (translated by Stephen Mitchell)

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Spring Retreat

P.P.S. Breitenbush Retreat

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Expect reality NOT to follow your plan

For the month of February inside Year of Inquiry our topic is Relationships.

Relationships of any kind.

Now, I’m aware that this is a huge wide range of choices for relationship when they are any kind. But inside, you usually know which ones to investigate.

Anyone who’s disturbed you. Anyone who’s bothered you. Anyone who you feel less than peaceful when you think of them.

You might be thinking “Where do I even begin? There are so many people who’ve bugged me!”

You might also be thinking, like so many people do, that you already know it’s all about you and not the other people, so you just want to focus on YOUR inadequacies and imperfections.

The thing is, focusing on you is still joining in on the belief that there’s a problem. You’re assuming there’s a problem in the first place, right?

Someone’s doing it wrong…let’s fix it!

The other day as we began the Year of Inquiry presentation we always start with every month, like a little mini workshop on the topic, I drew a lot of information from Byron Katie’s book “I Need Your Love–Is That True?”

Especially about the concept of “needing”, having needs, receiving what you need, or getting your needs met, as we say these days.

That’s a simple place to start. You might ask yourself the question “in what situation, with whom, did I not get my needs met?”

Hmmm.

Images float through the mind of moments. Moments where I believed I didn’t have love, support, care, attention, safety.

Yeah. Remember that time one of your supposed best friends stabbed you in the back and reported you to the authorities for entirely false reasons? Remember that love interest who acted like a stalker and freaked out? Remember that relative who quit communicating? Remember when that stranger stole your luggage? Remember when your dad died? Remember when you were abandoned?

Stories flash through. Sometimes we find proof that we didn’t have what we needed waaaaay back. It started young.

But can you absolutely know it’s true?

Rats. No. I’m here now, breathing, alive, having a pretty spectacular life honestly.

It can’t be absolute that I didn’t get what I needed.

Otherwise, I wouldn’t even be here. (And that’s not even true that if I wasn’t here, it means I didn’t get my needs met–we all seem to perish or transform into whatever’s next. It’s called dying. Everyone gets to do it.)

How do you react when you believe you weren’t supported, loved, honored…that you didn’t get what you needed?

I shake my fist at the sky! I shout “Bloody Hell!” with a gruff look at an imaginary God who is supposedly looking down. Resentful. Tense.

Who would you be without your belief that you didn’t get what you needed?

Huh? But….

Really wondering who I’d be without believing this story of having needed something and missed it….

….a softness is here. A recognition that who I am without my desperate, sure, anxious, victim-minded thinking, is relaxation. Being. Just here.

No need for it to feel ecstatic, loving, thrilling or “good” or pleasurable.

Here. Just here. Natural.

Noticing all is very, very well and I’m temporarily in this life showing up as this right now, and all the things I’ve ever thought that happened that were BAD about relationships are over. 

Noticing I have no idea what is needed and what isn’t…and when I DO think I know, I’m often wrong.

Noticing how liberating it is to Not Know what’s best for anyone or for me.

“The alternative is to expect reality NOT to follow your plan. You realize that you have no idea what’s going to happen next. That way, you’re pleasantly surprised when things seem to be going your way, and you’re pleasantly surprised when they don’t. In the second case, you may not have seen what the new possibilities are yet, but life quickly reveals them….a life beyond your schemes and expectations.” ~ Byron Katie

Turning my thoughts around: I’ve always had just what I needed. Every one of those people has supported me in getting exactly what I needed. My thinking didn’t give me what I needed.

Wow.

How could these be just as true, or truer?

When I didn’t get what I hoped for or expected, I had to reset, to regroup, to learn, to ask for help, to give up. My sense of “me” and my grabbiness was crushed. I woke up (sometimes it felt like a slap in the face awakening–but apparently that was required).

I found my self-sufficiency that had nothing to do with having a mind or having a thought. Magic happened. Loss turned into transformation. I became aware of what I truly value–and it wasn’t other people providing my needs.

In every situation where someone was less or different than what I expected, I can ponder what was supportive about that experience.

You can too.

Success is as dangerous as failure. 
Hope is as hollow as fear. What does it mean that success is a dangerous as failure? 
Whether you go up the ladder or down it, 
you position is shaky. 
When you stand with your two feet on the ground, 
you will always keep your balance. 
What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear? 
Hope and fear are both phantoms  

that arise from thinking of the self. 
When we don’t see the self as self,  

what do we have to fear? 
See the world as your self. 
Have faith in the way things are. 
Love the world as your self; 
then you can care for all things. 

~ Tao Te Ching #13 Translated by Stephen Mitchell

Those relationship moments that hurt?

I can practice having faith in how they went. I can find examples of how they helped me grow, what they revealed.

I’m not sure what the ultimate outcome will be, but it sure is more fun than thinking I didn’t get what I needed.

What could be more exciting, heart-breaking and joyful than thinking I got just what I needed in every moment for my entire life….and everything’s OK, even when it isn’t (according to my plans)?

Can you feel it?

Much love,

Grace

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What would you really be without thinking about it?

The other day, I had one of those moments where I noticed….

….”OH. I’m here. Without thought. Just here.”

Even though seconds before I had images in my head about all kinds of things with a voice offering advice: go make those copies for Breitenbush, do laundry so you’re ready with clean clothes, I hope he’s doing OK with his cancer treatment, I hope she’s going to find peace with her mother, I need to email them, I wonder what she’s doing right now, I need to reply to him, set that up, do this.

The mind is so fast and full. Jam packed with possibilities and ideas and plans.

Scenes, memories, pictures, thoughts ticker tape through.

But as something draws your attention through your day….who are you without your thoughts about it?

Who am I without my thoughts?

Dang, what a crazy question…but what a wonderful, fascinating, exploratory question.

Don’t I need my thoughts? Wouldn’t I be some kind of weirdo without thoughts? Or dumb as a post?

As a memory steps through your mind, the image of someone’s face, or a scary picture, or the idea for a task, or your calendar, there’s a response in the body, in emotions perhaps (or sometimes, oddly, there is not response at all).

Who would you be without believing the image, picture, response was true?

Kinda cosmic, right?!?

But WOW.

It’s lighter, it’s even exciting, it’s relaxing, it’s a willingness not to take whatever you’re bumping into so seriously, including the pictures floating through your own mind about what your encounters mean about the future.

Turning the whole entire experience around: Thinking is not required. I don’t need to think, to “have” thoughts, or even “good” thoughts in order to be safe, secure, alive, successful, or happy.

Holy Moly.

Thoughts appear. Then, I notice they aren’t present, I’m simply observing. I also notice I’m sleeping sometimes–no thinking going on during sleep. I notice I also “lose my train of thought” all the time, and everything’s apparently fine.

Life goes on. Without a thought about it.

As I observed this wonderful and weird phenomena of noticing the absence of thought, the beauty of something just being here, I decided to make a Peace Talk podcast Episode 132.

(These things just appear, I have no idea what’s going on).

What’s here, without our stories?

“The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal Name. The unnamable is the eternally real. Naming is the origin of all particular things. Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations. Yet mystery and manifestations arise from the same source. This source is called darkness. Darkness within darkness. The gateway to all understanding.” ~ Tao Te Ching #1

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you want to listen to the ten minute Peace Talk episode, head over HERE.

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Brain swirling money thoughts? Inquire….and the whole world belongs to you.

Are thoughts about money swirling around your brain? Time to inquire.

This week, I’ve taken time off to be with family and to go hiking in the dark misty rainy deep forests of the Pacific Northwest.

My computer stopped working one day. Giving me more time to be in silence, and to look at my thoughts about “working” and how important I think it is.

It coincidentally happens to be the time in Year of Inquiry where we look at money, during Month Five.

Money. What a topic of ups and downs, highs and lows, success and failure, fear and joy.

But that one deep belief, so simple really: I need more money….oh so tricky and persistent.

At least for me.

I’ve shared about the depths of my crash in the past. (Several Grace Notes include this powerful time that apparently happened and one of the pieces is right here).

As I put together my webinar about doing The Work on money for the Year of Inquiry peeps, I was reminded again of how powerful my thoughts have been about money….

….and needing it.

And again, one of my favorite questions about this money investigation: What would I have, if I had it?

What do I really believe money gives me? What is dangerous about Not Having it?

How fascinating, the mind comes up with answers almost instantly, without question (even though I’ve “done” the work on this before).

If you have money, here’s what you get:

  • security
  • protection
  • health care
  • comfort
  • fun
  • entertainment
  • admiration
  • belonging
  • ability to be generous
  • creativity
What this means, if you don’t have money (or not enough money, in your opinion) is that you do NOT have these things, or they are threatened.

 

How great to have this out in the open. Because then, you can question all these concepts to see if they are in fact true!

 

Are you absolutely sure that if money is not present, not “yours” that you don’t have enough security, protection, health care, comfort, fun, entertainment, admiration, belonging, ability to be generous, creativity, etc, etc?

 

You need more of those things, or to guarantee them later on, in the future.

 

Is that true?

 

Hmmm.

 

It seems like to have a happy life, I might need that list.

 

Although, as I answer the question (is it true?) I can’t be sure. I’m not even sure money brings you those things. (LOL, it doesn’t guarantee any of them).

 

I was thinking the other day I need more money (to buy a better car, to get better health care, to travel).

 

You need a better car, better health care, and to travel…..why is that, Grace?

 

Um. Because. It would be more fun, secure and easy?

 

True?

 

Right now I am sitting in a chair feeling fine health-wise. I’m in tip top shape and don’t need to see a doctor, as far as I know. I have no reason to go. I notice also, in this moment, my car works beautifully even though to some it might be called “old” (the year 2000). It is not broken, and it’s warm, light, clean and comfortable and drives me everywhere. Today I went hiking in the woods and was reminded of the Lord of The Rings adventures. It’s like that 45 minutes from my house, in the misty land of the elves.

 

It’s not TRUE that I “need” more money, or to do any of the things I think more money would bring, in order to be happy at this moment.

 

How do I react when I believe I need more money?

 

I get stressed out! I think about working harder, longer hours, doing it better. I start to think what I’ve done already to earn money isn’t good enough (obviously, otherwise I’d be done thinking I need more)! I see pictures of the future of me working when I’m very old and wrinkled and almost 100 years old. No rest, ever!

 

So who would I be without this thought I need more money? Or without the thought I need any of the things money buys? Or that these things would bring me happiness?

 

LOL.

 

Holy Moly!!

 

I would notice how happy I am right now at this moment. How cozy and warm, how I’m sitting at a laptop computer which I bought myself.

 

“Has there ever been a time in your entire life when you have not had enough money, when you have not had all of your needs met?” ~ Byron Katie asking the audience
 
I can’t remember a time when the way it turned out, I needed more money. At least not to be safe, secure, loved, healthy, cared for, or to have fun. I had all those things, with the exact amount of money I had. 
 
There was a time when I needed more money (I thought), and it came to me what to do that day, and the next, and I kept going. It would have been OK if I had no idea what to do, and I wound up living in my mother’s basement. Then I would have been warm, fed, and content THERE.
 
My suffering was in my thoughts…..not in reality, my body, my heart, other people near me, my spirit.
 
Without my thoughts about needing more money, I notice this present moment, and there is absolutely no problem.
 
Maybe you have a piece of paper with numbers on it, and writing says BILL PAST DUE. 
 
Is it the end of the world that you can’t pay? Is it a tragedy that you’re moving out of your house? Are you lying down and starving to death because you lost your job? Does no one care about you because you don’t have x, y or z? 
 
Are you completely safe and secure at all times because you do have a, b, and c? 
 
No. 
 
Turning the thoughts around about needing more money: I need more of ME. I need more of my own sane thinking. I need LESS money.
Let’s look at these turnarounds: I need more of myself, of my own sane thinking.
Yes, right in any given moment I’m thinking I need more money, I can remember it is not required for happiness, safety, enlightenment or love. “Skip the middleman” says Katie. I can almost feel giddy by looking at whatever this thing is called “me”. This attention to “I”. The inner, mysterious feeling of being alive, being only this. Of giving attention to the thing that will last forever, beyond this body.
I need more of my own thinking. Sure….especially the depths of inquiry which appears to require a type of wonderful open-minded thinking.
Rather than needing more money, I might need more kindness, trust, acceptance, sharing and joy in this moment. I can relax. I can be. I am being, already. How astonishing to notice I do not need anything more right here and now. Love, kindness, acceptance, sharing and joy appear, if I look at how the carpet warms the room, the bookshelf shines joyfully, the empty water glass waits in service.
How exquisite to not even feel interested in more money, now that I’m in deeper contact with this moment.
How incredible to wonder, if the universe is friendly, could it be supporting me to feel truth and love in this moment here, now….without needing any more money than I actually have?
Just….wow.
I need this amount of money. This is just right, for me. To learn to feel joy, outside of the story of “More Money”….what a powerful gift.
What an incredible, different, new, wonderful story….and maybe not so new. Maybe inspired in me by others who also questioned this story of money before me, and found a new exciting path of letting go.
Letting go into a infinite source of support.
What if what you truly want more of is already here in infinite supply? Not wishful thinking, not hopeful thinking, not religious thinking, not “right” thinking, not positive thinking.
Only infinite mysterious wild brightness.
Strange, I know. I notice this mind seems to *think* it loves answers and simple ideas, like “I need more money” to be true, so it knows what to do next and what to avoid and what might happen.
But it really has no idea.
(It’s OK that it has no idea, everything’s gonna be fine, don’t worry).
“If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~ Tao Te Ching #44

 

The annual money class will begin again in early 2017. Stay tuned for the announcement of when it will run. If you’ve been waiting excitedly for this like me (it will be an 8 week class I teach annually, by donation) then hit reply and give me your favorite time of day and I’ll consider it, if it works with my schedule.

 

I would also love it if you shared Grace Notes with others and let them know they can sign up for free at www.workwithgrace.com.

Much love,

Grace

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Freedom from your ideas, nothing is impossible (stress-free Resolutions)

nothing required for the stream to be happy

A client said to me yesterday, rolling her eyes….

….”this time of year, everyone’s assessing and thinking about their goals and year-end reflections and resolutions. Ugh.”

I could tell she was irritated at some of the ideas in her mind.

Goals.

What does the word conjure in your mind?

Many of us have completely thrown away all planning, striving for goals, setting goals, dreaming of some achievement out there in the future somewhere….

….and still….

….thoughts arise with scenes of what could be, what I might walk towards (even if I’m not running anymore), what I’d prefer, a hope for that wonderful vision to become realized.

When you have a dream of where you’d like to go or what you hope to achieve, do you feel stress? Does it make you want to roll your eyes?

I remember having goals in my past.

Long ago, when I was in my later teens and throughout my twenties, if you asked me at any time, in almost any situation, any moment of day, in the company of absolutely anyone (although I might not speak it out loud)….

….what my greatest dream, hope, goal, or longing was….

….I would say “to stop being crazy with food”.

Well, OK, honestly at age 14 (when I went on my first diet) my dream was to be thin. I wanted to be skinny and svelte. THEN after several years of that, I only dreamed of stopping the war with eating.

Be thin. Never overeat. Get control of the wild appetite.

As I grew older, the vision was not so much to be skinny, but to feel relaxed with food….although I would say it always included Not Craving, not obsessing, not thinking or re-thinking what I ate or would later eat.

Then being thin and ending obsession with food faded away (with deep help from therapists, groups, and clarity with emotions and relationships and no longer trying to be skinny all the time)….

….and instead I really wanted to be happy with money.

I wanted to feel like there was enough, I was satisfied and cared for, safe and secure.

Then….I wanted a mate, a close companion, a partner in life to live with and share adventures with.

And then….yet another vision to “work” towards.

Enlightenment.

For some reason, even though it’s so human, I feel a little embarrassed to speak of these goals, visions, dreams or hopes.

They aren’t very unique.

It seems like everyone wants these things in this culture I live in.

Here is so….scary, sad, disappointing, or boring.

Over there is better. In the future.

Is that true?

Oh surely, if I had 10 million dollars I’d be excited and happy. Wealth. Perfect health. Love.

Although…can I really absolutely know I’d be happy in every way, for the rest of my life, and never worry again if I had these things?

No.

Who are you when you believe reaching that goal (you know the one) would mean you could feel happy?

Constantly pushing, reaching, grabbing, wanting, and waiting to be happy….later.

Who would I be without the belief I need to earn double my income this upcoming year? Or lose 30 pounds? Or get married? Or get divorced? Or live in a different town? Or win the Olympic Gold medal? Or resolve that relationship. Or have a mind-blowing self-realization?

Right here now, without any thought that something needs to happen later, in the future, in order for you to be happy?

I notice it doesn’t mean I don’t naturally move in the direction of a vision, or an accomplishment….

….but there’s no stress. 

It’s a weird paradoxical thing.

I don’t need anything to change right now, I don’t need this other condition this instant.

If that other state was not required for happiness (thinness, money, pain-free, health like x, partner like y, mind like z) what would THIS moment be like, right now?

Interesting. Strange. Wonderful. Amazing. Taking everything in. Noticing. Being here. No matter what the outside circumstances or condition.

How bizarre this is, to have it be OK to be the way it really is, right now.

So for example, with the endless goal I lived with for years (thinness, absence of eating battles) without the belief I needed to be thinner in order to be happy, I would have been brought to the present moment.

Sometimes the present moment required eating, sometimes it did not. Happy either way. Happy with the Way of It.

“The mark of a moderate human is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way. Nothing is impossible for him.” ~ Tao Te Ching #59

Ahhhhhh.

A way to be with all situations, even this thing called envisioning “goals”.

Turning it around: it is not necessary, that way of being or thing or condition I must have, in order to be happy. It is not necessary to be thin to be happy. It is not necessary to be rich to be happy. It is not necessary to have a relationship to be happy. It is not necessary to be self-realized to be happy.

Not having anything be necessary for happiness IS self-realization.

Oh!

Ha ha.

Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace: the Tao says you don’t have to be happy to NOT eat

A fantastic group of people will be attending the Eating Peace Retreat January 19-22, right here at a lovely private lodge near my little cottage in Seattle. I’d love you to join us. People are traveling from every corner of the US so far, literally New York, West Virginia, California and of course up here in the Pacific Northwest. For travelers, there are still queen sized mattresses we can set up for you in the loft (no private rooms left, although someone may be willing/interested in sharing).

The most important part of the retreat….if I could say there is a MOST important….

….is being with yourself compassionately.

Like the way you are with other people.

You’ll slow down, we’ll eat together, write together, question thoughts together, have an experience of art and movement together. We’re in session daily from 9:30 am until 9:00 pm. No matter how far down the road to overweight, underweight, crazy eating or simple unhappiness about food…..you will be welcomed with open arms.

Enroll here. Space for 4 more. As mentioned in the Eating Peace Masterclass, included in this retreat registration is a one-on-one session to use any time in 2017 whether in person or online.

****************

Have you ever noticed how your thoughts seem to direct your behavior (including eating, obviously).

And yet, you don’t have to DO what your thoughts say.

You might get wound up full of cravings and compulsions and reaching and the agony of urges to stuff yourself with food.

It seems like that Voice that says GO GO GO is nasty, unconcerned about your peace or your freedom, busy, rude, critical of you. That Voice suggests that you….eat. It almost demands you eat, if you have a craving for food. As if there’s no other option.

But there is another option.

You actually take this other option all the time.

It’s called Not Listening To Or Doing What Your Mind Says.

It’s not the King of everything (it might think so, but it really isn’t).

Based on the Tao Te Ching, here’s a way to work with the mind that’s yelling at you to eat: tap into what is NOT your thoughts.

Here’s how:

Much love,

Grace

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Danger, danger…but are you sure your thoughts are true?

eyescloseddeepseriousthought
Who would you be, in that serious situation, without the belief you’re in danger? Could you be supported?

Today is the anniversary of my father’s death.

It was a very long time ago, and I’m so used to living without him being physically present in my life, there is no dreadful pain about his absence.

But it wasn’t always this way.

When he first got diagnosed with incurable, terminal cancer, a wave went driving through me of deep fear, anguish, and grief.

It was terrible, horrible news.

I was filled with dread.

In Year of Inquiry we’re really diving deep in our third month together into some great and profound questions, related to fear.

I remembered vividly, when I heard someone else’s work on the fear they had for their own child’s safety….

….the fear I felt when I learned my father was going to die.

Worrying about someone else is so stressful.

But here’s what I absolutely love about inquiry. It can open up your mind to seeing clearly, and seeing beyond the fear.

What is safety? Why do I feel so unsafe, in this situation? What am I expecting of myself, or of others, or of life….when I think it’s threatening? 

And hey, wait a minute!

Where did I get this idea anyway, that something’s OFF and unsafe or dangerous?

Is it this situation, or Reality, that is off? Or my thinking?

We know intellectually that Byron Katie and other thought leaders and spiritual teachers are offering perspective on this whole “mind” and “thinking” thing, right?

Katie suggests our thinking is the cause of suffering, not the actual conditions of reality. She invites us to look, over and over, as a practice.

“Nothing terrible has ever happened, except in our thinking. Reality is always good, even in situations that seem like nightmares. The story we tell is the only nightmare that we have lived.” ~ Byron Katie

Holy Smokes….let’s test it out.

Let’s look at this very common and VERY troubling belief: I am not safe.

Notice you can only think you should be experiencing something different, this “safe” thing, if you believe you aren’t and it’s bad, bad, bad.

I am not safe (TERRIBLE)!

Is it true?

To really dig into this inquiry as you read, find a situation in which you felt unsafe. Emotionally, physically, spiritually–whatever your circumstance.

Is it true, you’re in danger?

Yes!

I remember the circumstances, many of them, when I felt unsafe.

The doctor is telling me the tumor on my leg is cancer. I’m in full-stop traffic miles away, with my 5 year old standing in the rain in the dark by himself, waiting. I’m reading an alarming text. I’m reading an email that says someone’s coming over NOW and they are desperate. I’m hearing a phone message where someone implies I’m a liar, and another phone message where someone says I’m not being a good friend.

I learn someone very close to me (like my dad) are very sick or going to die. I’m suddenly at the scene of a car accident right after it happened. I can’t reach the man I have a crush on, he’s not ever calling me back. I open the trunk of my car and see it’s empty–all my luggage has been stolen.

Not safe! Surely!

You are not safe.

Is it absolutely true for all time, beyond all doubt?

I pause, wondering about this moment, holding still.

Astonishingly, I notice I can’t know it’s absolutely true I am not safe. Even though I just injured myself, even though someone I love just received a diagnosis, even though my stuff is apparently gone (stolen) and I feel energy coursing through me. I can’t absolutely know I am not safe.

Wow.

How do you react when you believe “this is a threat, I am not safe, this is dangerous”?

I clench up tight. I stop breathing deeply. I want to quit everything, why bother trying in this dangerous world? I see pictures of how things will go (badly) and terrible scenes I imagine for the future, and sad memories from the past. I attack myself, or I attack the attackers in my mind.

I condemn nervousness or anxiety as bad and wrong, and I act tough. I avoid any place or any person who threatens me. THEY are the one making me feel this terrible feeling of danger, after all.

I treat myself like I’m meek and tiny, and unable to handle these feelings or this threat. I run.

So who would you be without this thought, this story of the lack of safety? What if you didn’t know this person, this situation, was dangerous?

Some people think, with this question….my God, I’d be crazy! I’d be walking right into something without fear, and not even know it.

Bingo.

And this isn’t about being passive, or being stupid and defying gravity or something.

You can still follow traffic rules, make lists of pros and cons for spending money, notice you drop everything and leave your house when you learn your kid has a broken wrist at school.

But you’re taking action without terror. You’ve moved, without personally believing it MUST go a certain way, or else.

You do the most efficient, kind, loving thing. That’s who you are, without panic. Someone who cares. Someone who moves to help, if you’re able.

I once remember Katie facilitating someone through their thought “I’m afraid of the cancer in my body!”

She asked the person; “Do you think the cancer is more likely to go away…if you hate it and fear it, or you don’t mind it’s there?”

Hmmm.

Without the belief that I’m threatened…..WOW. I’m wondering where this is going? I’m open. I’m stepping forward, even if it’s in the dark. I’m feeling about, I’m curious, even excited.

Even about the Big Fears, like death and loss and change.

Turning the thought around: I am not threatened in this situation, I am not in danger, I am safe.

Could this be just as true, or truer?

What part of you is OK?

I notice, I’m alive, I’m unhurt physically, I thought I was threatened but actually I only read words, or heard words. Bodies are temporary, and some last longer than others. Things are temporary, too.

Without the belief that I’m unsafe, as I hear troubling news from someone else, I might just sit, stay connected to the person, notice I have only kindness to offer and speaking isn’t necessary.

Turning it around even further: I am supported, all is well, everything is not only OK but brilliant, loving, wonderful.

I know that sounds a bit over the top, considering some of the human situations we find ourselves in. I’m not saying I’d be happy in some very grave, shocking news.

And yet….who knows what is possible?

I notice I would live, even if my child died. I notice I lived, even though my father did die. I notice I’m sitting in a very quiet room, with a heater humming hot air into the space, and a beautiful orange lamp shining, with a cup of peppermint tea and some apple slices sitting within reach. It is extremely safe.

It is as if, right now in this very moment, nothing terrible HAS ever happened, unless I remember or think about it.

It is true that I am only threatened if I THINK.

What I notice, too, is when I was in very apparently dangerous situations, I did not actually “think”.

Thinking happened afterwards. I took in what was happening, I moved, I ducked, I ran, I waited, I showed up, I left.

Who was I without my story?

Life in action. Human, being itself.

Human learning something different. Human discovering what it’s like to not believe it’s thoughts.

Human living with no requirements, conditions, demands (except in thought)….or true lack of safety, ever.

Human spinning through space on a small planet called earth, here for a few seconds by comparison to Reality.

Here, noticing what is sweet and lovely, and bitter and difficult, and noticing I’m not running this joint.

Thank God.

“The Master acts without doing anything and reaches without saying anything. Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn’t possess, acts but doesn’t expect. When her work is done, she forgets it. That is why it lasts forever.” ~ Tao Te Ching #2 (Translated by Stephen Mitchell)

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you notice anxiety, fear, nerves, emptiness, boredom, anger when it comes to eating, food and body….I’m offering a MasterClass on Wednesday, November 23rd 1:00-2:30 pm. Eating Peace: How To Question Your Thoughts That Drive Off-Balance Eating. Register here.

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Are you sure it’s disappointing?

if you're disappointed....time to question your thoughts
if you’re disappointed….time to question your thoughts

In the past year, I’ve received a few questions from people connected to the Institute for The Work (ITW) about credits for programs I offer, but especially Year of Inquiry.

(In case you’re not familiar with ITW, it’s a very thorough in-depth training and certification program in Facilitation of The Work created by Byron Katie and many others in 2008).

I finally decided to write to the institute friends and ask about whether or not Year of Inquiry could offer more credits for these folks training to become certified facilitators.

Just the other day, I found out….not yet.

First, I need to offer some of their teleclasses inside the Institute, and teach their curriculum.

It makes sense. They need to see me in action as a teacher, get evaluations from people taking the courses, get super familiar with the curriculum inside ITW.

I had this little let-down though.

I had gotten all excited. They ran it by Katie. It sounded like I might very well be able to call my one year program the equivalent to a 9 day School for The Work plus 80 more hours of partner training in facilitation.

That would have been a lot of credits people could get, for taking Year of Inquiry!

Have you ever found out some exciting, maybe unexpected news….and thought Oh Cool! That sounds great!

You get excited and have visions of the way it will be.

It was like a little journey inside the head….I might be able to offer ALL THOSE CREDITS to people….wowwee!

Imagination goes off on thrilled tangent at how awesome it is because more people will like this and sign up, it will help them, this is an acknowledgement of the beauty of the program.

Then….wait. No, it turns out. Not gonna happen.

Imagination goes off on a disappointed tangent. Too bad because now no one will sign up, people like credits so they won’t like this, I’m doing it wrong.

It is HILARIOUS how the mind runs rampant with one new idea, and what it thinks it means, all in a course of literally a few days.

Now, here’s the great, great, great and I mean great news about all this.

There was a strong part of me, a place I was looking from the whole time, that was unmoved and completely undisturbed.

It had no idea what would be best here. It watched with a neutral eye.

It’s like there was a twinkle of fun in the whole thing.

And I notice plans for Year of Inquiry moving forward, with joy, with or without credits.

How do I know I’m supposed to carry on, and for now it doesn’t matter? It feels right. It feels brilliant and exciting.

It feels like the perfect format for some people, those who don’t care about certification credits (just like it’s always been so far) who want to keep returning to The Work over and over, week after week, every month, all year.

Year of Inquiry is for those who want to answer the four questions deeply without giving up or quitting, or dreaming of doing The Work without DOING it.

I organized it because I needed it, and I still love it.

The most remarkable people tend to show up. This is not surprising. People who know they want to quiet themselves down, slow their minds down, and become more loving and kind with the world and with themselves.

Who would I be without the story that having mega-credits to offer participants in Year of Inquiry would have been the better outcome?

Trusting. Happy. Laughing.

Thrilled to implement the newer format I have planned, and the longer 4 day retreats for both autumn and spring, and the new webinar that’ll be at the beginning of each month on the topic with guidance through a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and the more in-depth partner work for those who want it, and the monthly in-person group again.

Who would you be, right in this moment, without the belief that it should have gone that other way? The way you were hoping it might go, even if just for awhile?

Who would you be without the belief that you should have been with that other partner, or it would have been better in the other job or position, or it would have been better if you got the second house instead of the first, or it would be better if you had a possible $25 instead of the $10 in your hand right now, or you had gotten the green one instead of the red one?

Turning the thought around: the way it’s going is perfect. Everything unfolding in just the right timing, in just the right way, for the highest good for all.

Can you find this feeling within, for your situation?

How could this be as true, or truer, for the Year of Inquiry program?

Well, I don’t have to evaluate others on their facilitation skills or their awareness, or for any reason at all. I don’t need to “grade” anyone. Or myself. I’m learning from everyone there.

People can come to Year of Inquiry to immerse themselves in however much inquiry they want, it’s all optional, there’s nothing mandatory or required. It’s sooooo easy for me (and what I’ve been learning is true about life–that nothing’s required–even when I think something is).

I get to relax and see who shows up, and notice how quiet, peaceful and silent this moment is right now….no matter what’s going on in the mind.

I can do whatever I want, make changes whenever I want, take suggestions and new ideas whenever I want. Last year we started an in-person group because someone in YOI wanted more face-to-face contact. Bam. It was created.

How would I ever possibly be able to know that the other alternative I was dreaming of for a few days….would have been better?

How do I know it wasn’t supposed to happen? It didn’t.

That goes for everything that didn’t happen.

Wow.

“The past is an illusion (over). The future is an illusion (not happened yet) so any time you’re worried, you’re worried over….Nothing. That’s how friendly the Universe is.” ~ Byron Katie in Being With Byron Katie 2016

“Return is the movement of the Tao. Yielding is the way of the Tao.” ~ Tao Te Ching #40

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you have the idea you might love doing The Work for a year with other marvelous and interesting people….and you wonder if The Work could really be helpful for you….I’ll be offering two live masterclass webinars in August on how to dissolve barriers to your process in The Work, when Year of Inquiry is still open for early-bird registration. August 4 or August 9. More soon. Just a little heads-up special for Grace Note readers.