Tag: tao te ching

Posted on

Emptying Misty Mind of Stressful Thoughts

inside the beautiful misty land of Oregon, the beautiful misty land of the inner world....& seeing clearly
inside the beautiful misty land of Oregon, the beautiful misty land of the inner world….& seeing clearly

Here I am deep in the tall woods, rain pitter-patting on leaves. The morning is very still. I’m at Breitenbush Hotsprings. A low bell in the distance sounds, signaling a half hour until breakfast is served in the lodge.

I hear my husband breathing deeply as he still sleeps.
The cabins here are incredibly cozy, heated by the mineral hotsprings with big pretty old-fashioned looking radiators. A small soft lamp sits on a little wooden desk, sending a quiet yellow light into the cabin. Once again I think of Laura Ingalls Wilder, only there’s plumbing.
My annual Breitenbush retreat began Wednesday night.
When a circle of people gather to learn and do The Work together, a part of me feels strangely unable to convey with words the freedom possible through questioning your suffering.
It’s hard to describe what it means to catch yourself thinking something painful, to believe you’re doomed, to feel terrified or nervous…..
….and to suddenly remember in the middle of the flow of reacting…..
…. is what I’m thinking actually true? Who would I be without this belief?
Before I knew how to inquire and investigate into the nature of “thinking”, my immediate interpretation of things that felt scary or hard, was that it was TRUE that they were scary or hard.
It went like this:
Something happened. It’s bad news. I ran. I fought. I cried. I felt hurt. I felt stress.
I then walked around a little shell-shocked or upset the thing might happen again. I consider life to be a bit dangerous (or very dangerous). I made plans to fix the bad thing, incident, or relationship (or myself, endlessly).
Now, there’s nothing really wrong with this. It’s normal.
It’s sort of brilliant we have these brains set up to be aware of danger, and move away from it. Kind of like the hot stove analogy we’ve always heard growing up “Don’t put your hand on a hot stove-you’ll get burned!”
Got it. No hands on stoves. Check.
But what if your mom or dad or caregiver shouted at you that you’d get burned….every time you walked past the stove?
What if they screamed “Watch out! Remember the stove?! You have NO IDEA if it’s ON or OFF, you could get burned!! BE CAREFUL!! OMG!!!”
You might have an extra big ALERT in yourself about stoves. You’d always feel a little nervous in kitchens.
It’s like the awareness of what works and what doesn’t (stoves burn) would have a sort of instant anxiety-producing result, rather than being filed in the mind as simple data, which the mind is so brilliant at doing.
If it even looks like a stove, you’d feel cautious. If you heard the word “stove” you might have a flash of adrenaline inside. You may decide not to cook.
What I love about The Work is, you get to take what’s already happened inside of YOU, your own basic day-to-day life experiences in the real world, and explore how a disturbance in the past (an event, a word, a conversation, an incident) might still be affecting you in a limiting way.
In a way you don’t feel free.
I wanted to feel free to come and go in life, and have stoves be in the room, without running away, or getting all defensive, or worrying about getting burned.
Now, I get to sit with all these dear people in our retreat and already witness them tasting this freedom.
I don’t really have to explain anything.
When they answer the four questions, and find turnarounds….
….the sweetness of them finding new ways to be with “problem” people, the awareness they are not victims but can feel empowered in any situation, the tears and the relief I see….
….it’s sooooo inspiring.
I love doing this work.
How did this happen, that I get to be a part of a retreat such as this?
So inspirational, so profound, so full of a sense of the greatness of humanity and the awe of how people can transform simply by seeing something or someone disturbing….differently?
 
Empty your mind of all thoughts. Let your heart be at peace. Watch the turmoil of beings, but contemplate their return. Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity. ~ Tao Te Ching #16
Thank you so much for being here on this journey with me, whether we’ve met in person or connected on emails or shared through the phone or audio….I love that you’re here.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. One bedroom left at Being With Byron Katie and space for you on a sleeping mat on the floor or commuting each day (which is what I’ll be doing).
Posted on

My money story turnaround

lettinggobutterflies
who would you be without your story of being trapped in failure? flying free.

Because so many people have seen me in my coach Selena’s films as a successful student, I’ve been getting a lot of feedback from many awesome people (including my mom) about how inspiring my story is.

Night before last, I went to my good friend Mary’s dance in Seattle.

When I entered the dark beautiful dance space always lit with twinkly lights, she pulled me aside and whispered “OMG! I watched your video of your interview with Selena Soo. Wow. You’ve come so far, it’s just amazing. I remember when you almost lost your house….and by the way, you should write a Grace Note blog on that. I want to read it.”

When someone tells me to write about something, I do it.

So, although I’ve mentioned bits and pieces of the time I almost lost my home and most of what I owned….I remembered it vividly last night.

I was failing terribly. When it comes to money.

As in….back then I was so broke I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime (as my Texas grandma might say).

My financial failure was one of the worst experiences of my life. 

And yet, as I say this, I know the brilliant and simple question….is that true?

Oh. Right. Not really.

The story felt awful, kept me up at night, filled me with fretting. I tried to plan and count money, watched my bank account diminish day by day. It seemed like the worst that could happen.

It went something like this:

Divorce, need to get a job, economy crash, twenty job interviews, sweating bullets, picking up a Starbucks application, awake every night at 3:30 am, borrow several thousand from a very kind family member (ashamed to ask for it, desperate), still no job, better sell house (sob), wringing hands during open houses, getting offers so low they wouldn’t pay off my mortgage anyway, sell most of what I have of value (furniture, dishes, jewelry, clothes), my kids go on reduced lunch at school, I’m eligible for food stamps but I refuse to apply, crying at night looking around my little cottage knowing the mortgage was due–again–and not having the funds.

Constant nervous energy. I learn about a dance in Seattle called Ecstatic Dance. You don’t have to talk to anyone. Good. Dance. Keep moving. I can’t afford to pay the $10, but I can trade cleaning for attending the dance.

I meet a lovely man at dance. I begin to make some new friends. No one knows how broke I am. I’m doing The Work at home on money. I’m realizing that moving into my mom’s basement might not be as bad as I think. More job interviews. One interview I get a call-back. I get interviewed a third time. Maybe I have this job….

….heart sinks a thousand miles into the earth when I learn “nope, we picked the other candidate.”

I have $10.16 left in my bank account, I am in deep debt having paid for groceries with my credit card, no one bought my house, my mortgage is due in a week. It’s my birthday in two.

The lovely man I met who I am seeing often now, the only person who knows my true situation besides my family, writes a letter to everyone in my email address book (I think it’s for my birthday when he asks).

I’m questioning my thoughts and finding maybe, just maybe, I can walk away from this home and foreclose on it, and survive the blow–although it might be hard, and a long climb out. I feel the support of the couch I still own underneath me. I feel the unknowingness of the future, the strangeness of loss, the deep sadness of having no place of my own to live.

I feel the turnaround “I have enough” even if I lose everything. Not having money does not equal death. I think of the house I grew up in, no longer in the family. I think of the house I owned with my former husband at Greenlake. I think of our big Lake Forest Park home we also used to have.

Gone, gone, and gone. I can lose this one too, and survive.

I go to dance, barely enough gas in my car to get there. The due date of my mortgage just passed. I’m a day late for the first time. Foreclosure will begin after 3 late payments.

I dance with huge energy, with abandon, nothing left to lose. I dance the turnarounds to my beliefs “I need more money” and “I am a failure” and “I am not capable of working or earning a living” and “it will be shameful to live with my mother in my forties with my two kids” and “no one wants to hire me”.

I dance my turnarounds: I do NOT need more money, I am a success, I am capable of working and earning a living, it will be wonderful to live with my mother and my kids, everyone wants to hire me.

I dance nothing being true. I dance not knowing anything.

At the end of the dance, my friend Mary says…”as usual, we’re honoring birthdays tonight….and we have a special one. Grace, could you come to the center of the circle?”

What?

I shyly walk into the center of the huge circle of dancers all holding hands. My new boyfriend steps forward, with my friend Mary, and they hand me an envelope. It’s thick, and open at the top because it can’t be closed, too puffed full.

I look inside, the room dark, aware of all eyes on me.

Money.

My eyes tear up and I hold back a choked up sob, and look up, feeling stunned, barely able to say “thank you, thank you.”

Later undoing the envelope, there are checks and bills of all amounts, and my sweetheart shows me paypal donations from friends and family I haven’t seen in years, who have all donated to a birthday bucket. For me.

I have enough to call the mortgage company the next day and say I am sending the mortgage payment, can you please withdraw the late fee? They say yes.

The day after that, I get a call from the company where I had three interviews and they tell me they’ve created a part time job and I’ve got the position, if I want it.

A few days after that, someone calls me to ask if she could hire me to facilitate her in The Work of Byron Katie–my first ever client.

What did I do for any of this?

As I look back now….all I can see is….nothing.

Nothing but question my thoughts. And tell the truth. And share with others. And not be so dreadfully serious, about money.

Later on, as I got excited about business, and needing a website, and creating curriculum, and learning technology, and working with more people, and sharing and earning and being of service, I started taking classes in things I wanted to learn about. I had the money to pay for them, so I signed up. As I learned more, I kept doing The Work.

Last year, I joined a coaching group with Selena. I was such a serious student, doing everything she mentioned without hesitation (OK, there was hesitation, and I did The Work). I loved her course because it was built for shy people, like me….and for those who wanted to grow but not be weird or gross about it.

And because of what happened, Selena interviewed me, so now I’m on the internet as one of her student examples of “success”.

Wow.

I’ve repaid every last penny of debt, except for my mortgage–which has never, ever been late (just between us, we know that’s not actually true, but the late fee was removed and no record of that fateful day in January 2009 was kept, as far as I know).

I guess losing my house entirely was not required, because that’s not what happened (my adorable cottage where many retreats have been held). I guess I’ve always needed exactly the amount of money I’ve had, not any more, or any less. I guess I didn’t need to move into my mother’s basement (we have a very loving, kind relationship now). I guess I didn’t need to even work hard or earn every penny. I guess I really don’t know much about anything and what it’s happening for.

And you know what?

My financial failure was one of the best experiences of my entire life.

The turnaround is TRUER.

I would have never, ever seen the magnificent generosity of humans when asked to help out. I would have never learned of the kindness of my own mother, my sisters, my extended family. I would have never learned of the unconditional acceptance of my boyfriend who became my husband. I would have never learned to love learning and growing so much, and to love the wild nature of having a business. I would have never learned to hold still and notice if money was really required for happiness. I would have never become so clear.

I would have never done so much that terrified me….and have it turn out fabulous. 

“The Master view the parts with compassion, because he understands the whole. His constant practice is humility. He doesn’t glitter like a jewel but lets himself be shaped by the Tao, as rugged and common as a stone. ” ~ Tao Te Ching #40

Much love, Grace

P.S. Selena offered a teaching webinar earlier this week for self-employed folks. It is available for replay today only. In it are some great ideas, you might love it to assist your work if you’re an artist, coach, counselor, holistic sort. Literally, Selena will be taking her webinar down and starting her next group of Get Known Get Clients very soon (which I do recommend also).

Watch her webinar replay here.

If you want to see my interview with her (I still feel shy about sharing it, and, it’s not true) you can still watch it here.

Posted on

Are you becoming a doormat by doing The Work?

Who cares, do nothing, give up, say nothing....if you think doing The Work means being passive....you might want to question it.
Who cares, do nothing, give up, say nothing….if you think doing The Work means being passive….you might want to question it.

I have a private monthly group (open again for new members in fall 2016) that meets on Sundays for 3 hours. We met this past weekend here at Goldilocks Cottage.

A member of the group brought up a brilliant and powerful question about The Work and inquiry. It’s not the first time I’ve heard it.

What if I become OK with everything, nothing bothers me, and I wind up becoming incredibly…..passive?

Like, I don’t mind anything that happens?

And it looks like me not speaking up, me never saying “no”, people doing whatever they want even if it’s taking my stuff or walking all over me, me not caring about things that I actually SHOULD be caring about, me quitting things, me not taking action, me nevertrying to achieve anything?

Ha ha, I love this question.

Over a decade ago, when I first was doing The Work after I attended The School with Byron Katie, I was dating and going through a divorce.

The very first guy I dated in my new single life was a super interesting character, like so many humans are.

Only a few dates into the experience of getting to know him, I was writing worksheets. The worksheets continued, even though we actually didn’t see each other that much and mostly had some long phone conversations with long gaps in between. It felt like a push-pull, on-off, go-stop, mixed-feeling relationship, fairly confusing.

I found a lot of disturbing traits in this man, and I wrote about them and took them through the inquiry process.

One weekend I was at an event with Byron Katie (I had the good fortune to attend quite a few in a condensed period of time back then).

I raised my hand.

“Katie….I keep doing The Work on this same very annoying man in my life and our conversations and interactions….but I’m not getting past my irritation. I feel sooooo angry.”

We had a discussion about repetitive work, motive, trying to “get” somewhere else, pushing oneself into being nice, going against what you really want, mistrusting oneself, not saying “no”, being afraid, trying to manipulate so you don’t get hurt.

Katie describes this aspect of doing The Work as doing it with a MOTIVE. Meaning, you already have planned or mapped out where you want your feeling-state or your answers to bring you. You already have mapped out where you imagine yourself to be, and what would be best for you, for the other, for the world.

I wanted to be easy-going, happy, non-judgmental, smiling, laughing, enjoying the company of this guy I was dating….who I actually didn’t really like that much.

Yes, yes, yes, he was perfectly acceptable as a human being on the planet and could live his life the way he liked (which he reported was full of suffering, depression, anger, addiction and a tremendous amount of anxiety).

Yes, yes, yes I could have (and still have) a sense of compassion for the torture people, like this man, put themselves through by not questioning their thoughts.

But that didn’t mean I had to live with him, as Katie says.

I did not have to be his personal right-hand-woman, or to date him, or to even talk with him if I really didn’t want to.

Katie said to me some powerful words in the conversation we had, that I’ve never forgotten: “Grace, how do you know you’re supposed to be angry? YOU ARE!!”

Oh.

Wow.

You mean…..I’ve not supposed to make myself Not Angry if I am? I’m not supposed to force myself to hang out with someone I don’t find very interesting, or loving, or willing, when that time arrives?

Now, don’t get me wrong.

I had absolutely amazing conversations with this man for awhile. Really curious, truly incredible insights. Deep sharing, practicing saying things out loud that I never did before, hearing things I genuinely needed to hear, noticing how much identity I had all wrapped up in “relationship” and allowing that to be questioned and dissolved.

It’s just that it had a shelf life.

I did The Work on powerful situations and events, like “he shouldn’t like porn” or “he is greedy and terrified with money” and “he shouldn’t criticize me.”

I was stunned and liberated with the turnarounds: I shouldn’t like the “porn” of being mesmerized by thinking about him and his porn, I shouldn’t be addicted to incessantly seeing what I don’t like about him or men or dating or sexuality or couples or breaking up. I shouldn’t be terrified and greedy with money. I shouldn’t criticize him, or myself.

After noticing, deeply, my own anger…..and through Katie’s words finding the deepest permission to allow anger to be alive and present….

….I felt an equally passionate surge of JOY.

I knew to stop torturing him, but most of all to stop torturing myself, with my thoughts, and to be HONEST in my inquiry.

For the first time in my entire life, I broke up with someone rather than withdrawing quietly, or trying to prevent someone else’s anger towards me, or trying to make sure someone else wasn’t hurt by me, or trying to maintain the desperate and false image of All-Kindness-All-The-Time (not).

This was TRUE kindness to everyone involved.

Especially me, and I was the most important person I needed to live with and enjoy and love.

The Work is about accessing the next thought, the next underlying philosophy about life and how you think you “should” be, and dropping what you know that creates suffering.

The Work is about questioning what you see on the surface, and then discovering there’s something else the next layer down, and then another layer, and another, and another.

Sinking deeper and ever deeper into inquiry is like having a huge sense of awareness, for me, of making friends with myself and following the breadcrumbs to the most juicy, delicious, mysterious, exciting, safe and loving center.

Fire is a part of All This.

Trying to fight fire with The Work can give you a nasty, bitter taste of pointlessness, despair, non-action, depression, waiting, joylessness, suppression.

Of course, I had to have the motive I had for as long as I had it, until I noticed it clearly.

And then, when I saw it….poof, it disappeared.

“The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way. Nothing is impossible for him….” ~ Tao Te Ching #59

I have found doing The Work is never about being passive, or forcing yourself to be quiet, or pleasing, or happy when you aren’t.

It’s the opposite.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Spring Retreat May 13-15 Seattle has a couple of spots left. We have three wonderful days together, with special focus on uncovering your “living turnarounds”….Everyone finds through inquiry the TRUE freedom you want to live, the action you take despite quaking hands and heart-beating with the unknown ahead. This is the alive, awake you that responds to reality with trust….and this includes trust for yourself.

Posted on

You wanted entertainment? Wait one day.

goofymind
Silly mind….you’re not as good at playing the trumpet as you think!

What a goof ball the mind can be.

Remember yesterday, sooooo many hours ago, and how I did The Work on how totally boring life can be sometimes?

Ha ha. Not really true.

But you would think, in the midst of inquiry about quiet, repetitive, empty moments of time and the nature of boredom, it would be easy to remember that in less than two days, I’d be walking the streets of New York.

Mid-stride, with a huge smile on my face, drinking in the dark, windy streets full of noises, people, lights coming from small passageways into warm cozy hole-in-the-wall restaurants, art galleries, and shops….

….I suddenly thought to myself, “Jeez, look at this amazing life. I get on an airplane, I sit down for five hours, I run into a friend on the same airplane from Seattle, we travel into New York City on the train together, and the entire journey is spectacular, new, fun, joyful, restful (I slept for part of the plane ride) and my eyes can’t stop taking in this delicious world.”

If you’re bored, just wait awhile.

If you’re sad, just wait awhile.

If you’re angry, just wait awhile.

Here comes another day, another hour, another new moment.

This one.

The complaining mind is so funny, isn’t it?

It’s like a little wind up puppet with a trumpet, and it loves to play that trumpet really loud sometimes!!

We start listening to the horn blow, completely forgetting it’s not that harmonious, and not very good technique, and kind of random.

In fact, it’s terrible.

What if we just looked at our inner complainer like a kind of “off” guy in the alley delightedly playing a trumpet?

Maybe someone with a few cards short of a full deck, if you know what I mean.

Kind of a dim bulb. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Someone with only one oar in the water, if you catch my drift.

As in…..did you remember, the other day when you thought life was boring….but actually you were soon to depart for New York City?

Oh. That was me.

Now. I know this is pretty incredible to be able to take a trip and travel and have the world show up as so very very entertaining.

But I am talking about so much more than the huge privilege of physical adventure.

I’m talking about the very funny way our perceptions are soooo clouded by the moment.

Dang. Just so sure what’s happening is TRUE, it feels like being completely immersed in the emotion and the experience….

….and it will Never End.

But it will. It can. Any minute now. It does.

“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?” ~ Tao Te Ching #15 

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you want to question your wants about the future that appear favorable….the ones you cross your fingers for, pray for, hope for, come inquire and open to peace, now (not just later): Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295.

PLUS Special gift early-bird registration for the spring retreat (all rooms are now sold out, but commuters are welcome) for May 13-15. $325 for three full days of The Work: Question your thinking, change your life.

Posted on

Two terrible, awful, horrible, no good, very bad things

question your stories about death, or craving..... .....feel the mysterious inexhaustible silence
question your stories about death, or craving…..
…..feel the mysterious inexhaustible silence

Every year at the summer Breitenbush annual retreat in late June, we have a movie night.

We watch the film Turn It Around with Byron Katie.

In the movie, quite a few courageous people get up on stage with Katie.

They share their innermost suffering and disturbing thoughts with the whole audience (and in this case, all of us who ever watch Turn It Around, too)!

That’s brave!

Last night, I showed Turn It Around in my Eating Peace retreat.

I’ve seen it about 10 times now, and it’s still moving for me.

One of my favorite pieces of work is when a young woman shares that her brother died in Afghanistan, and how enraged she’s felt about the loss, her devastated family, and death itself.

What an amazing question to ask someone as they consider death (to ask myself)….

….who would you be without the belief that death is so awful?

Without being against death, and anything leading to death?

It does seem to be the overwhelming way of it, as in 100% of the time, that we die.

So why get so disturbed?

What’s this deep, terrifying upset all about, anyway?

It’s profound to think of, at this level.

Almost the same, for me, as the process of addiction (which is what everyone is looking at so very closely in Eating Peace these three days).

Craving.

This whole over-eating, under-eating, worrying about eating thing.

What’s So Upsetting?!!

What’s going on in any moment, that we would choose to start to eat, and eat, and eat…..or drink, and drink, and drink…..or smoke, obsess about a person, shop, internet, clean, facebook….

….want, want, want?

What is so disturbing about the moment we insist we need something to…..

WHAT??

We looked at this today, in our retreat.

What does that thing, person, activity…..give you?

People noticed they thought eating, in those compulsive moments, would give them comfort, reward, compensation, soothing.

What does believing that death-is-terrible give you?

Huh.

Why would I choose to think death-is-terrible is true?

It’s like there’s some kind of idea within that if I didn’t think death was terrible, I’d twiddle away the hours I’ve got, I wouldn’t care, I’d be weird, I wouldn’t get freaked out about loss, change, and things coming and going (people or animals).

I’m afraid I wouldn’t truly love, I’d be too detached.

But is that true?

Whether it’s death I find frightening, or this empty moment, or this gruesome image from a memory….

….when I believe my story that this situation is lousy, or bad for me….

….I become fear, loss, sadness, distress, drama, excitement.

That’s who I am when I’m believing my story.

Alone, confused, not exactly trusting of the universe and reality.

So who would I be without the belief that my mind, my thoughts, my story, the images I see, my fantasies about death, my fantasies about this moment (that invent the need for some compulsive behavior) are true?

Who would I be if I didn’t believe my stories?

Including the story of death?

Including the story of uncomfortable feelings and moments and situations and addiction?

I would be feeling, seeing, being myself, which includes for me nutty pictures (some frightening) and judgments racing by and a brain full of thinking (sometimes).

Noticing that even though I see pictures of what death might be like, or other people I love dying, and even though I wonder about death a lot….

….and even though it sometimes occurs to me that a moment is annoying, missing something, more than I can handle, or boring….

….I don’t have to believe it.

In fact, I often don’t.

I don’t have to do anything.

I don’t have to get up, or fix it quick, or eat something, or figure out how to handle it.

Without believing my thoughts, they are just there, being themselves.

Me, too.

Oh, and look at that.

The universe is being Itself, too, in all its wild mysterious glory, full of lives being lived temporarily (it seems) and moments happening only for an instant (even moments full of craving) and things morphing, moving, opening, closing, changing.

Turning the thoughts around in every way: death is wonderful, craving is wonderful, life is terrible, not-craving is terrible, my thinking about death is terrible, my thinking about craving is terrible.

Could these be just as true, or truer?

“She who is centered in the Tao can go where she wishes, without danger. She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart. Music or the smell of good cooking may make people stop and enjoy. But words that point to the Tao seem monotonous and without flavor. When you look for it, there is nothing to see. When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear. When you use it, it is inexhaustible.” ~ Tao Te Ching #35

Question your thinking, feel wonderful and open, rather than terrible and closed.

Yes. Even about Death. Even about Addiction.

The world keeps doing what it does….

….and yet, it looks so different.

Much love, Grace

Posted on

Is it a stressful story, or a wishing rock?

without your stressful story, maybe all you have is a beautiful wishing rock
without your stressful story, maybe all you have is a beautiful wishing rock

You might be able to tell, there’s a theme lately going on in Grace Notes or Eating Peace videos on youtube.

Retreat.

On the inside.

But you may not be so happy about that theme if you feel like you’re not doing it right.

If you feel like you’re completely pissed off, agitated, anxious or depressed. Or on attack mode (the opposite of retreat) running forward trying to get it handled, or fixed, or done forever.

I get it.

The other day I thought a stream of thoughts, all of which were along the same vein….

….like the way there are veins in the old granite rock up near Ross Lake in the wilderness, driving distance from my home.

Up near Ross Lake, huge slabs of rock are exposed, with a highway cutting through the edge that winds up through the mountains.

College and high school classes go there for the observation and learning about geology of the region, where the under-layers of earth pushed and cracked to the surface and became exposed.

Huge veins of deep or light color run through the rock.

Like the pebbles you see on beaches that have one line running through the pebble that’s different from the rest of the rock, making the pebble appear to have a ring around it.

Since I was little, the kids all said “pick up this kind of pebble, make a wish, and throw it over your left shoulder into the water….your wish will come true.”

Wishing rocks.

Who said so?

Maybe someone many generations back, or far, far back into so many years ago we don’t even remember.

That one thread running through the rock was so solid, so beautiful, so permanent, so colorful.

As I was noticing a thread of thinking running through my own mind, I suddenly had the vision of one of these pebbles….

….or a whole side of a mountain, like near Ross Lake, that had a thick vein of color running through it in massive proportion.

My thoughts were thick and tight and strong, and repetitive, like this vein.

Sigh.

They went like this:

Life is kind of dull, like the weather. I don’t feel like (fill in the blank). Maybe I should get a different regular normal job (I always love when this thought comes in). How about a cup of coffee? Yeah, that’s it. It’s not possible to be on retreat at all times. It’s too boring, too slow, and not practical. There are too many things I want to do in life, and I need to clean. And pay bills. My cottage is too small. The carpet needs vacuuming. Nothing ever works out perfectly.

Yeah.

It was that self-piteous. Piss. Moan.

It continued.

My clients and students who are angry right now, or having a hard time, especially those who experience a contentious relationship with eating?

There’s no solution. They’re right. Life is hard. Holidays are difficult. Family is troubling. People are complicated. Addiction is not easy to overcome. Compulsion is too strong to address. It’s too hard to change one’s story. 

And while we’re at it, can I mention that I hate shopping?

BEEEEEEEPPPPPP.

Did you hear the loud horn?

It was the kind that is built to scare away bears in the wilderness.

You hear it?

It means “stop now”.

Because these kinds of thoughts are strong, compelling and they have babies faster than you can say Jack Robinson.

(Which, by the way, do you know where the saying comes from “faster than you can say Jack Robinson?” From the 1600s in England. Talk about passing along ancient impressive history and old stories through phrases, like the line in the hard rock lasting for generations into the future, even if we no longer know who Jack Robinson is anymore).

Pause.

Even though everything is happening.

Even though you are getting on and off airplanes, or wishing you could and you aren’t.

Even though you are upset with the weather, and worried about global warming, and its not snowing where you live anymore, or snowing too much.

Even though you were fired, or your love of you life divorced you. Even though you lost your hearing, or your health. Even though you can’t read every amazing classic book ever written. Even though you don’t know what to get your kid for Christmas. Even though you’re sick of decorations all around you when you do not even celebrate this holiday. Even though you ate too many cookies at the office party.

Just stop.

Do you notice how you react when you think it’s hopeless?

Do you notice what happens in your body when you believe the world is a dangerous place, or disappointing?

Ow.

When I believe these kinds of thoughts, there’s a crushing weight of self-criticism, responsibility, grief.

So who would you be without these thoughts?

Without beliefs that pack tightly together and create a line inside a rock?

What if you just caught that chatter that says “I’m sick of it” and wonder who you are without the belief?

Because there are already huge parts of you without the belief.

My pinky finger on my right hand, for example, doesn’t have any of these thoughts.

I also didn’t have these thoughts yesterday when curling up in bed to go to sleep after a productive day.

I didn’t have the thought when walking into the gym, or listening to one of my best friend’s messages about her own thoughts with love and acceptance.

Or when I noticed the beauty of red car tail lights filling the night streets. I’m not kidding.

You don’t even really have to work so incredibly hard to wonder what it would be like to not have these kinds of solid, ancient thoughts.

Because there is already a great part of you, far bigger than the energy of this thinking, that doesn’t have any of these thoughts.

Who are YOU anyway, who believes it has stressful thoughts?

Are you sure YOU have them?

Where are they?

I notice they are only an energy, zipping through.

I notice they only come into vein-formation if I begin to follow them, and believe them, and take them seriously.

The other day a student wrote to me “I feel like breaking something!”

“How do you know you’re supposed to be angry? You are!” ~ Byron Katie to me when asking her about my own anger and how to get rid of it.

Just because I think it, I feel it, doesn’t mean I AM IT.

Turning the thoughts around….

Life is full of movement, like the weather. I do feel like (fill in the blank). I am not the one in charge. Nothing is required. There are no solutions to “life”. It IS possible to be on retreat at all times, it’s already actually happening, I don’t have to try. My thoughts are profuse, and that’s fun. Only my mental noise and mind believes them, not the rest of me. I will never be “done”. My mind is too small, my mind needs vacuuming. Everything works out perfectly. 

Pause a moment longer, now that you’ve been pausing to consider your thoughts, and not taking them seriously.

Take a very deep breath.

Relax your entire body. Hold still a moment.

Even if your mind yells and makes noise and comments and gestures and demands you get up and do something….

…..notice how you do not have to act like it’s true.

“Practice not doing, and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #3

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

The beautiful thing about the truth about money….it’s free

moneyblossome
have a love affair with money

As I walk through life (and sometimes run, I admit) in the past couple of years, one thing has been very, very, very transformative and awe-inspiring for me.

The way I relate to money.

The way money appears to relate to me.

As in, we’re having more fun together than we used to. Almost a love affair….but let’s not get carried away.

Now many people might think….

…..oh. What? She’s making money now? That’s what’s happening?

That MUST be what she means by having a love affair with money, if that’s what’s going on!

But check your assumptions about what a “love affair” actually is.

Is it all I-get-what-I-want-and-I-am-comfortable-at-all-times easy-peasy non-confrontational never-asking-you-to-grow kinda deal?

If that’s what you want with a love affair, there’s nothing wrong with that.

And, that’s not what I’m talking about.

Somewhere along the way in my life, I discovered through extreme fear and suffering (it took some yelling to wake me up) that what a truly deep, wild, fantastical, growth-inspiring love affair looked like with money….

….was to lose my need for it to go MY way.

(Secret hint: this is true about romantic love, other people, your family, and everything else in your entire life).

My way involved money always directing its attention towards ME.

Staying with me, giving to me, calling on me at all the right moments, showering me with appreciation, bringing me gifts, making it fun-fun-fun pleasure ALL the time, growing before my eyes, asking nothing or very little of me.

How did I react when I believed the thoughts that money doesn’t care about me personally when it was not acting the way I wanted, and it should, that money should stay with me and never challenge me, ever?

Twisted up in knots.

Terrified.

Angry.

With those thoughts, I felt small, tiny, and inconsequential. Unloved. Left behind. Less than others who had more money than me.

Who would I be without the belief that when money moves away….

….it means I’m abandoned, or unloved by money, or incompatible, or undeserving, or bad?

Without the belief that money is acting unacceptable, frightening?

That money is not doing as I wish, that it’s leaving me unhappy and all alone?

Who would I really be without these beliefs?

Holy smokes.

That’s an amazing feeling.

The lightness of allowing money to be as it is, moving the way it does!

To not “need” anyone, including money, to do it the way I want in order to be happy…..laughter-inducing.

The freedom to not have to depend on money to come to me in times of trouble…..incredible.

Turning the belief system around about money:

I do not need it to survive. Never have.

Money needs more of me, pouring myself into the world and meeting the world with joy, instead of the other way around.

Turning thoughts about needing more money around to the opposite (I don’t need more of it than I ever have) I notice I have abundance all around me, and its free for the noticing.

Grass, trees, sidewalks, parking places, bicycles at the gym, daylight hours, conversations, videos, furniture, long slabs of wood creating a floor, pieces of furniture, art, air to breathe.

Abundance everywhere I look.

Including the direction “in”.

“The Tao never does anything, yet through it all things are done. If powerful men and women could center themselves in it, the whole world would be transformed by itself, in its natural rhythms. People would be content with their simple, everyday lives, in harmony, and free of desire. When there is no desire, all things are at peace.” ~ Tao Te Ching

Now don’t go off thinking this means you’re supposed to not have any desire for money, if you do.
That’d be pretending stuff that isn’t really true.
Just investigate the stress.
I keep seeing there’s nothing to fear, and money keeps asking me to grow. It invites me to create, to bring service and have a ball doing it.
And this is what I always so deeply wanted anyway.
So thank you, money, for being soooo challenging, and such an exciting, brilliant, wise, ingenious energy.
You’ve loved me so much that you want me to come out of my cave of introversion, shame and being small and insignificant….
….and turn up the volume on being here, on being myself, and connecting very honestly and intimately with the world.
“This is the beautiful thing about the truth: ever-present, always here, totally free, given freely.” ~ Adyashanti
 
Truth is free.

 

Truth about money is free.

 

All you need to do is inquire within.

Money Love Story 8 week telecourse Thursdays 2-3:30 pm beginning on January 14th. So much fun to watch it fill up with awesome people. We will have a great time investigating money with exercises, questions and prompts that allow you to see what you think, that’s hurting, and change your relationship with money.

Much love,

Grace

Posted on

Holding On To Nothing

outerspace
Who would you be without your story?

On retreat, where the focus of attention is being in silence and wondering about life, the noise of one’s own story can get very dim.

Or practically turn off.

Or not have so much meaning, or any meaning.

It’s weird.

Today I’ve been sitting in silence, feeling the quiet of the environment.

Doves cooing, a light breeze blowing through the open screened window, a murmur of voices in the far off kitchen.

Sound is present, and pictures float across my mind–even during meditation sessions.

That upcoming retreat, where I will apparently be the facilitator (although everyone will be facilitating themselves really).

My drive home–I get a flash of being on the road heading north, not south.

Noticing the thought “it will be Thursday” about when this will happen.

A feeling in the body rises up like a little flare–an ache in an area that was injured–then falls back down.

The thought of sleepiness, and idea “I could get coffee” and watching the body not move, and not go to sleep either.

A tune falls through the space, from inside my head, a song I find hilarious and love dancing to “I’m so fancy….”

Why is that song repeating itself, when the last time I heard it was over a week ago probably?

Shoes inside of slippers, weight of blanket, flashes of color from a prism outside shining in the sun and sparkling in a circle through this living room.

So much happening, in this now.

Everything so temporary, like a match being lit, shining, burning out, smoke.

Is this the “I am” my friend Nisargadatta talks about, the thing underneath all stories, the thing that watches everything pass by?

Coming out of nothing and nowhere, going into nothing and nowhere.

Who would you be without your story…..of this world?

Watching it.

Understanding nothing.

Trusting. Loving.

“We each have our private salvation project…..but if I can learn to be happy even though I’m not getting my own way, that’s the end of suffering.” ~ Richard Rohr

“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.” ~ Tao Te Ching #74 

Much love, Grace

 

Posted on

Changing Your Beliefs About Your Failure

I’ll be doing a live google hangout on Sunday, April 19th at 9:00 – 10:30 am Pacific Time. Come join me for a wonderful time–I can’t wait to meet you and support you in questioning your thoughts and lightening up your life. There is no charge for this event.

Join on April 19th by clicking HERE. You may want to make sure you have a google account (it’s free) to make access super easy.

*******

Have you ever noticed a whole belief system running in your mind that feels like a dark storm?

I can’t do it. I can’t make it. I failed. It’s over. This is terrible. I lost. It’s no use. I don’t know how. I’ll never get what I want.

Have you ever experienced a big blow in your life….

….or a series of disappointments….

….and found a voice in your head saying thoughts like these, maybe over and over again?

How do you feel about desiring things, moving towards something, having dreams and visions…..and maybe not achieving it, or getting to where you’d like to be?

Phew. It’s rough.

The thing is….

….you can question your thinking when it comes to “failure” and investigate to see if what’s going on in your mind is really, really true.

Questioning with an open, curious mind can bring you not just relief, but the incredible perspective of the turnarounds, and actually living with the OPPOSITE of what you’re thinking when you’re in that dark place.

Not long ago, an acquaintance of mine graduated from a program in mental health with her master’s degree. She had loved being in a high-level educational program, she was doing something she had dreamed of for years.

She rented an office downtown and hung her shingle up “Open For Business!”

And waited for new clients.

And waited.

And waited.

Then she had one person come, for two sessions. But the new client didn’t return.

She waited again.

So she gathered her forces together and advertised, made flyers, went to networking meetings and furiously applied her former PR skills to getting clients.

But things limped along, very slowly.

I offered to facilitate her in doing The Work, but she didn’t know me very well and said “no, I just need to hammer away at this.”

I couldn’t help notice the words “hammer away at this”.

It reminded me of myself, pushing hard, running hard, tackling something I wanted to gain with a lot of worry, energy and intensity.

Doing The Work can save a lot of time, energy, busy-ness and action.

Here’s how.

While this acquaintance didn’t choose to do The Work, like I said…..it reminded me of me.

First question: Is it true, what you’re thinking?

Oh. What did you say?

I was too busy ruminating, seeing pictures of terrible things happening, and feeling anxious.

What did you say again?

Oh! Is it TRUE?

Huh. Wow. Well, heck! Not really. I have no idea!

How do you react when you think these thoughts of failure? Even potential failure?

What does it feel like when you’re not getting where you want, what you want, who you want, or how you want it?

You may have the same reaction as the woman I mentioned…..you might hunker down and “hammer” away at the problem.

You might get really disciplined and full of striving and struggle and effort.

When I had no money left and watched my bank account empty and then go into debt, I began to react by thinking these same kinds of thoughts, and then I thought maybe its better to be dead.

Really, it was that harsh and black.

Then I did The Work, thank goodness!

So…who would you be without these despairing, negative, frightening thoughts?

What if you used your imagination to see a new way, without these thoughts, rather than seeing the sky falling like Chicken Little?

Turning the thoughts around:

I can do it. I am doing it. I am making it. I am succeeding. It’s just beginning. This is wonderful. I’m winning. It’s of use. I don’t know how (yay!) or I do know how. I’ll always get what I ultimately want.

This is not to be full of fluffy bunny positive affirmations.

This is deeply considering the benefits of what has occurred, and waiting, noticing, opening and being with joy and love instead of disappointment and hate.

I noticed for myself that I was still alive!

I noticed I was going through something incredibly wild, but actually my little cottage was quiet, beautiful and nurturing. The lights were still on. The phone still worked. The water was still connected. There was still gas in my car. The garbage company still came to pick up my garbage.

I also remember I had a picture of me telling my story of losing all my money one day, and giving other people hope to keep breathing and question their beliefs through a terribly difficult period.

I saw benefits for what was going on with lack of clients and lack of money. I noticed my dive into “no money” generated passion, power, huge energy within me…..I wasn’t so quick to give up or not bother.

I also became willing to question OTHER stressful thoughts like that I was too shy or introverted to be able to succeed in my own business.

Or not good enough to really be effective in life.

Who would you be without your story of self-criticism, judgment and doubt?

“When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. Therefore the Master acts without doing anything and teaches without saying anything. Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn’t possess, acts but doesn’t expect. When her work is done, she forgets it. That is why it lasts forever.” ~ Tao Te Ching #2

Much love, Grace

P.S. September 2015 Year of Inquiry mastermind group begins. An awesome journey with awesome people, inquiring together. For 3 weeks in every month, 3 times every week, you can dial-in with a fabulous group of inquirers and do your work. There’s nothing like the power of group support and connecting for becoming curious, open-minded, and finding the shifts of un-believing that you so desire in your life. Freedom. Registration opens soon!

Posted on

Eating Peace – Seven Foundational Rocks For Your Eating Peace Home

Tomorrow evening, I’ll be wrapping up registration for Eating Peace and starting the program with everyone the next morning (actually, to be exact, everyone will get the link to listen and watch the presentation tomorrow night Pacific time, so no matter what time zone, you’ve got Sunday all day to watch).
I’ve had lots of emails and questions about Eating Peace, so I thought I’d make a video and share some wisdom here with you that can bring insight to everyone.
This will be wonderful information to have whether you ever take Eating Peace online or not.
In this video, I talk about seven foundational principles or bedrocks that I’ve found serve as a base for building a beautiful relationship with eating.
They don’t have anything to do with willpower, controlling yourself, thinking positively, or following a certain food and exercise plan.
Not at all.
I tried all those things, and none of them ever worked to achieve lasting peace with my body and food.
These seven foundational rocks will help you find balance with anything, not just food.
And I have one important piece of information to share that I haven’t broadcast to the greater community….
….which is that once you participate in Eating Peace online, you’re in for life.
In other words, when you sign up, in the current version, you’ll have access to future updates and future versions of the program for as long as I’m offering Eating Peace.
I know everyone has their own timeline and path. Some people break the chain of suffering for years, then maybe relapse, and then reach a final resting point of peace and understanding with food and eating where they never go back.
Some people struggle for years and years with diets and resignation and maybe yo-yo weight gain and loss, then finally learn these principles instead of giving up, and they shift their relationship to eating, forever.
Most people are somewhere in between, and I want you to have all you need at different phases of your journey to peace, right when you need it, if I can be of service.
Therefore, wherever you are, if you’re an Eating Peace Online alumni, you can join us and take it again….no extra fee, for life.
Bottom line, I want people to feel good about eating, good about their lives, and connected to the greater universe so that they can bring their unique gift to this world and not get bogged down with eating problems.
Click here to watch the video to learn these seven foundations to Eating Peace. I’d love to hear how they work for you, where you’d like to develop one of them more, and any questions you have:

Lots of peace,
Grace
P.S. You can still register here today. And after this post, you can write me at grace@workwithgrace.com for information about future programs and when you can participate next time.
undefined full one-time payment
undefined 1st payment for 3-payment plan (now, 3/22 & 4/22)
Much love,
Grace