Tag: tao te ching

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We Have A Situation Here

When something happens in life that feels frightening, whether very small or very big, it’s amazing to watch the mind and body react.

The inner all-about-me mind will say that this is the most important thing to think about, this frightening situation. It will return to it over and over.

If the mind is NOT thinking about the troubling situation over and over, then some other voices may come in and say, “Hey! Pay attention! This is worrisome, you need to watch out!”

Its as if this all-about-me mind is a president sitting in a grand office, working on important things….and then OUT THERE in the regular world something threatening happens.

The president is busy, but the police force and other military officials come running and knock on the door and shout, “WE’VE GOT A SITUATION HERE!”.

And then all forces are enlisted to figure out how to handle this “situation”. The underlying assumption is that this situation needs to change, to go away, to adjust, to get resolved.

There are extremely painful situations, that seem to be agreed upon somehow in the human condition, that feel bad, terrible and important to avoid or fix…

Losing all our money, getting a terrible disease, getting physically hurt, someone close dying or leaving, our house burning down, not having enough of something, like love.

The Work is a way to question our assumptions about what happens in life. Every “situation” can be examined and investigated.

Just because I’m afraid, or upset, or sad, or angry, or disappointed….doesn’t mean it really is Bad. 

That’s quite an amazing first step, to stop, and ask Is it really true that this situation is wrong, or shouldn’t be happening, or is terrifying, or is permanent, or devastating, or dreadful?

The situation IS happening, but if we open to it happening, allow it to be as it is, then there might be a calmer response to it.

This doesn’t mean being passive, like swinging to the opposite of ATTACK-MODE and doing nothing. Calmness does not mean being mute, or extremely cautious.

Sometimes a bigger response is what is called for in a moment…with strength, love, and kindness.

If there was a toddler walking towards a huge freeway with cars speeding by, and any one of us saw the child, we would run (if we had legs) and call out (if we had a voice).

That would simply be the way of it. We would not say, “I am practicing allowing everything to be as it is, so I am going to lie here and do nothing”.

Recently I was thinking about leaders like Martin Luther King, Jr, Mahatma Gandhi, Aretha Franklin, Desmond Tutu, Byron Katie, Marshall Rosenburg…people who speak about what other new vision they have for difficult situations, an alternative to suffering.

I don’t like conflict much. I don’t like arguments with people, or shouting, or name-calling. I hardly ever have had situations that even look like this, I’ve avoided them.

The urge to withdraw or not speak up is very interesting, very subtle.

I find there are thoughts dancing about that make it more difficult to respond to a situation, to be truly honest. These are thoughts like:

  • that person will hate me if I say “no” or if I say what I think
  • if I don’t explain why I am saying “no” then she will get angry
  • if I speak up about this situation, to authority, to others, they will get mad
  • I should make people feel happy at all times, not upset
  • if I tell the truth for myself, as I see it, I will be rejected
  • people will think I’m stupid, mean, cold, immature, aggressive, mistaken
  • I will be shunned, left, abandoned
  • I better be NICE!

But after doing The Work on troubling situations, I find that my responses to new situations that arise are different.

I am not afraid of breaking the rules like “only say nice things”….because a deeper, more penetrating love comes alive, where I don’t have to constantly worry about if I said the wrong thing or that I MIGHT say the wrong thing.

I find the turnarounds coming alive from all these painful stressful beliefs about what nice-ness or kindness is supposed to look like.

  • if that person is upset when I say “no” everyone is still OK and this is an amazing opportunity
  • if someone is angry, it is safe, I am safe, no need to explain
  • if I speak up they will get excited
  • I can’t “make” anyone feel happy at all times
  • if I am rejected, all is still very well
  • people will think all kinds of things, and it’s their business
  • I will be loved, cared for, set free
  • I better be honest!

People come, people go, that’s the way of life. People certainly all won’t like what I am saying in every moment.

“…The path of the warrior is a lot more daring: you are cultivating a fearless heart, a heart that doesn’t close down in any circumstance; it is always totally open, so that you could be touched by anything.”~Pema Chodron

Today, after doing The Work and contemplating how I am so human when I feel afraid of other peoples’ reactions, I have such joyful energy towards those feisty, outspoken, action-oriented humans who have shown what its like to speak up.

Even if the words they speak are not favorable to me, how incredible to hear the honesty, the willingness to be courageous and SAY IT.

As I see beauty in ALL the people who speak…I see how it can be done with skill, with loving kindness, with trust….I can watch the great leaders and see how they did it.

“Know the male, yet keep to the female: receive the world in your arms. If you receive the world, the Tao will never leave you and you will be like a little child.”~Tao Te Ching #28 

Today, I’ve questioned my thinking about that difficult person and un-doing my beliefs, the president calls off the troops, the situation is really not that important.

We have a situation here? Not anymore.

Love, Grace

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The Path of Least Resistance Is For Losers

Many of us have heard of the phrase to take or avoid the path of least resistance. I think my father used it when I was quite young, reading it out of a book. He seemed thoughtful about it, and that it was good news.

It sounds easy. It sounds comfortable.

But some people think it’s a dangerous way to live.

H.G. Wells said “the path of least resistance is the path of the loser!”

Henry David Thoreau said “the path of least resistance leads to crooked roads and crooked men.”

GOSH! Those lazy, crooked, lying, LOSERS! I better go for the path with the MOST resistance, to be on the safe side. If it’s too easy, it could be bad news!

The other day I worked with a client on her young adult son who is expressing new defiance towards her in his life.

Often, people will say “if I do The Work, if I question all my beliefs…I’ll just accept and love everything and lie down on the floor like a bump and express nothing, do nothing, offer nothing, resist nothing.”

Truly allowing what is? NEVER! I need to resist, I need to push, I need to force, I need to BAM-POW-WHAM like Batman!

In physics, the path of least resistance is a natural phenomena. It’s the law, actually. Water always takes this path. All objects take the easiest path when they move through a system.

I love the martial arts directive “mind like water”. It’s written on my car steering wheel.

I notice thoughts appear. Thoughts within us rise. Here they are. You can’t stop them. They have energy. You can’t stop “thinking”.

I figure The Work, or the capacity to slow down and be with something and not know precisely and with hell-bent opinion that it’s true, is like the hill, the landscape, the way of it.

Yes, the thinking starts to run in grooves when you repeat them over and over and over again, starting at a very early age perhaps. The grooves, when unquestioned, can become as big as the Grand Canyon.

At the bottom of the Grand Canyon, you might have thoughts like:

  • it will take years to get out of here
  • I made a mistake
  • this sucks
  • this is hopeless, boring, frustrating, agonizing
  • I should have been questioning my thinking before this, then I wouldn’t be HERE
  • I should have resisted more
  • I didn’t resist, and now I’m a loser

Is this actually true? Can you know there is no next step, nothing now, and now, and change, and now?

Can we know that if we don’t resist something or someone, like our defiant son, that he will be lost, ruined, at the bottom of the canyon too?

Can we really know that the path of MOST resistance is the best path, the winner path, the successful path?

The mind loves to warn you about the bad stuff and bad people that could start appearing, have you noticed?

Who would you be without the thought that right now, in this moment, it will take years to get out of here, to change, that you made a mistake, that this sucks and is frustrating, that you should have gotten this earlier, you should have been more resistant, that you shouldn’t be here now?

Free. Excited. Joyful!

I might even do a little dance, I might jump for joy, I might feel like running up a hill! I might notice something new. I might have a wild, creative idea.

I might hug that defiant child of mine and tell him how amazing he is! I might ask him for more of his opinions, to tell me EVERYTHING he’s thinking about me.

Without resistance.

You might scan the landscape of your life with new eyes:

  • it will take less than a second to get out of here, it will certainly not take years
  • I did not make a mistake
  • this is exciting, awesome, fun, fascinating, an interesting predicament
  • I am here at just the right moment, just the right time
  • I should have resisted less
  • I didn’t resist, and now I’m a winner

“Whoever relies on the Tao in governing men doesn’t try to force issues or defeat enemies by force of arms. For every force there is a counterforce. Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon oneself. The Master does his job and then stops. He understands that the universe is forever out of control, and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Tao. Because he believes in himself, he doesn’t try to convince others. Because he is content with himself, he doesn’t need others’ approval. Because he accepts himself, the whole world accepts him.”~ Tao Te Ching # 30

Feeling the need to force myself, to resist something, to resist someone else, I notice I am not believing in myself. I am not believing in the other.

I do not lie down, in my acceptance, for that would not really be fun, or easy.

I notice the path of least resistance is relaxing, waiting, sweet, non-violent, open, courageous, willing, peaceful. I notice the path of least resistance is full of love, like a little kid running towards its mom or dad.

I notice the path of least resistance accepts that the universe is out of control….like thinking.

Love, Grace

P.S. Last call, a spot left for Friday’s teleclass Horrible Food Wonderful Food, Noon – 1:30 Pacific time. Click below to register or send email with questions to grace@workwithgrace.com.

My Relationship With Food Changed After Your Class

“Dear Grace, I wanted to tell you that after I took your class for two months, I have never had the same difficult relationship with food again. That is a miracle. It’s been six months now, and I still can hardly believe it. I am simply not worried any more about my food, and this changed everything. I recommend it to anyone I know with eating troubles.”~EK Horrible Food Wonderful Food class participant

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