Tag: awakening

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Self-Inquiry Is Only For YOUR Inner Revolution

The other day I got a wonderful letter, full of a really interesting core question, from an inquirer.

She said she felt more confused right now after doing The Work.

More lost, stuck and unable to move.

I had to find out more….and this news wasn’t that surprising.

About two years into my own process of doing The Work something happened inside me around this very idea of feeling trapped and passive when I turned my thoughts around into opposites.

One day, after doing The Work on a really, really, really difficult relationship I was in, I recognized a place inside me that was frightened and doing The Work with a motive.

What I mean by “motive” here is that I had an agenda, a plan for the outcome. I had thought I would do The Work, un-do my stress, and skip down the road happily with never a care in the world.

That person would no longer bother me, or frighten me, or hurt me.

But ah ha.

I have no idea why it happened, but I very suddenly “got” that I was acting like the battered women I used to puzzle over.

Why did they return, time and again, to the man who beat them up or almost killed them?

I went to a lecture once on domestic violence, and as the very wise and experienced psychotherapist spoke it occurred to me that the people who were battered and abused repeatedly were living in “hope” reality mixed with a cup or two of “I-must-be-positive-and-forgiving” inner dictatorship.

It wasn’t conscious, but it was deep.

It was believed so deeply because, without the belief that someone might change, without “hope”, the believer could be devastated, lost, crushed with the weight of the depressing truth.

I will smile and spread sunshine and lollipops and rainbows instead. And my boyfriend will get better and change.

Byron Katie herself helped me immensely on this. I told her I was doing The Work over and over again on the same very difficult, mad person.

She said….”How do you know you’re supposed to be angry?! YOU ARE!”

Oh.

Jeez.

I am ANGRY. I am STUCK. I am FRUSTRATED.

Duh!

Who would I be without the secret inner belief that I should be different, have different happy, detached feelings, and keep trying to “fix” myself or my environment or others when doing The Work?

I could have quit doing The Work right then. I could have given up and thought that questioning my mind was a waste of time, and didn’t lead me to the place I really wanted to be.

But instead it dawned on me that I could keep asking myself what was real, what was true (in fact I couldn’t have given up, I couldn’t have stopped asking).

I could find out what beliefs kept me feeling trapped, what prevented me from acting (if I was drawn to take action) or what prevented me from dropping the need to spend time with an addict boyfriend?

Why not break up and drop those conversations?

Why not find a new career and start earning money?

Why not get married?

Why not raise your hand and share in front of an entire audience?

Why not start your own business?

Why not start a free-form crazy dance-however-you-want event in Seattle and keep holding it even if at the beginning, only a few people show up?

Why not quit the daily rigid meditation routine (it served for a very, very long time) if there is no right or wrong, and I’m free?

Why not say NO?

What is freedom?

I started to refine, without trying so hard to do it, the thoughts I was questioning….to find out what was actually true for me.

That is, in the end, what doing The Work is for.

You.

If there are turnarounds that don’t feel right, if there are turnarounds that create depression, unhappiness, more confusion…then find out what’s right for you.

No need to dump everything you’ve ever done so far, unless you do.

“What is this inner revolution? To begin with, revolution is not static; it is alive, ongoing, and continuous. It cannot be grasped or made to fit into any conceptual model. Nor is there any path to this inner revolution, for it is neither predictable nor controllable and has a life all its own. This revolution is a breaking away from the old, repetitive, dead structures of thought and perception that humanity finds itself trapped in…Such a revolution requires an ongoing emptying out of the old structures of consciousness and the birth of a living and fluid intelligence. This intelligence restructures your entire being-body, mind, and perception. This intelligence cuts the mind free of its old structures that are rooted within the totality of human consciousness. If one cannot become free of the old conditioned structures of human consciousness, then one is still in a prison.” ~ Adyashanti

 

This is an ongoing process.

What I notice is I return to The Work continuously. I love the question “is it true?” and I love trying on turnarounds.

I love realizing I am the only one who can answer these questions, even if I love hearing from others what they get, what they have found, what they notice.

There is no ultimate guru….except you.

Much love, Grace

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Join Others And Let The Tao Sing In Your Life

The mini retreat is now closed for tomorrow. An employer decided to pay for all her employees to take the retreat together so we’re doing it separately with only their company.

If you had a little spark of thinking about coming…the March 8th and May 3 will be the next open Saturday afternoons of The Work in Seatown (that’s fondly for Seattle).

Whether you’re experienced or not, everyone will be welcome.

Getting together with others is not always an easy choice.

If you’re particularly introverted like me (I come out very extreme every single time I’ve taken the Meyers-Briggs test, toward the Introverted side of the scale) then your first thought about joining a group of any kind may be like mine.

Isn’t there a book somewhere on this topic? That I could read BY MYSELF? Do I have to get together with other people?

Heck, even someone on the Extraverted side of the scale might have reservations.

(As if these “scales” actually exist, but for the sake of the discussion, I will continue).

Admit it! Other people can be annoying! Or scary!

Many years ago when I had a wonderful mentor/therapist, I told her that I was invited to a party the coming weekend.

“Oh?” she replied, “How will that be for you if you don’t drink alcohol and don’t overeat any food?”

Gulp.

I told her I would have anxiety just walking into the house!

She said “Oh, I’ve had the same feeling. But remember the other people there are Human Beings. You can stand next to someone and actually say ‘I’m a little nervous about being here’. Have a real conversation.”

Wow, a real honest conversation?

What would be the worst that could happen, if you joined a workshop, event, class, group, retreat, party, gathering, trip……..with other humans?

Let’s go ahead and see what some of the stressful thoughts are:

  • someone might dominate the entire group, the conversation, or every activity with their talking on and on
  • there might be someone rude or scary present
  • I might have to talk, expose myself and have everyone hear me, or stare at me….they might think I’m an idiot
  • I could appear foolish, naive, immature, selfish, bossy, or any other quality where people won’t like me
  • someone might start crying, sobbing, freaking out, yelling, or getting really emotional….and that would make me nervous
  • somebody might be needy and start asking for attention from me or others, I might feel compelled to help them and not get what I need

Oh boy. Lots of potential dangers. It’s a jungle out there.

And I’m not kidding!

Let’s say you like the idea of learning meditation, or going to AA, or taking an art class, or going to school, or attending a party, or taking a workshop…….but you hesitate.

Is it true that there could be someone else who dominates, controls….or someone needy and desperate…either of whom might “take over” the group focus?

Is it true that when I reveal my inner world, someone might be disgusted or appalled?

Well, YEAH! I’ve been in these situations before! Very uncomfortable! I wanted to get OUTTA THERE!

But are you absolutely sure you couldn’t get what you needed? Are you positive that when people judged you, that was terrible?

Are you certain that the person who stirred things up was someone you need to run from?

No.

How do you react when you believe the thought that Other People’s needs or behavior can conflict with your own?

That you might have to “deal” with tough people and it will be hard?Oh man.

I avoid groups. I keep a low profile. I don’t sign up for that many group-ish things. I run to my car when an event is over. I don’t ask friends to go with me. I put up a shield against whoever I think of as “trouble”.

And who would I be if I didn’t even have these kinds of thoughts?

If I noticed what I enjoy, and the topics I want to learn more about, and the attraction I have towards classes or workshops…. ….and I simply follow my preferences?

Who would I be without the thought that something bad might happen with a person there? Or that IF someone were difficult that’s the last thing I want?

Woah.

Without the thought that people could make me feel uncomfortable? Without the thought that something might be awkward?

I’d be excited. I’d be ready for anything. I’d say “bring it on” and join with others all the time.

I’d come and go and leave and stay with a deep freedom, something solid, no hesitation, no worries about what should or should not happen.

Without the thought that feeling uncomfortable is something to be avoided…I’d join. I’d walk through the door. I’d sign up.

Someone difficult would be the FIRST thing I’d want.

Turning the thoughts around:

  • someone might serve the entire group, the conversation, or every activity with their talking
  • there might be someone kind or very loving present
  • I might have to talk, expose myself and have everyone hear me, or stare at me….they might think I’m normal, and awesome
  • I could appear foolish, naive, immature, selfish, bossy, or willing, honest, mature, selfless, humble…and people will think whatever they think
  • someone might start crying, sobbing, freaking out, yelling, or getting really emotional and that would make me excited
  • somebody might be needy and start asking for attention from me or others, and I might get exactly what I need by whatever happens next

When every single danger could be an opportunity it’s an adventure to join with Other People.

When every exchange, lesson or activity that is presented in a group creates potential for enlightenment of my own thinking…

…I go.

Almost everything of deep value, I notice, I’ve learned by someone or something bringing it to me. I am presented it by reality, in the form of these Other People.

By looking and being with them, I am with myself.

“Let the Tao become present in your life and you will become genuine. Let it be present in your family and your family will flourish. Let it be present in your country and your country will be an example to all the countries in the world. Let it be present in the universe and the universe will sing.” ~ Tao Teo Ching #54

This universe that I let the Tao be present in includes people and all their reactions, forms, words, behaviors, dominance, neediness…whatever form they/it takes.

Oh boy, can’t wait to show up in whatever group thing is going on next.

I’ve always enjoyed being in the background, sitting in a cafe, watching people. But now, when I sit in a cafe, sometimes people watch me. It’s a challenge. But it’s usually people who want to say ‘your book transformed my life’, or something… so then I’m joyful. One moment before, I didn’t want them to recognise me, but when they do, I’m glad. ~ Eckhart Tolle

Even if you’re very shy…or maybe BECAUSE you are very shy…you may find great joy and just the right amount of contact in the upcoming Year of Inquiry.

It’s filling up. With your peeps.

Come experience the challenge and joy of inquiry with others, even if you’re shy.

(Monthly payment plans available, we meet on Fridays for a year, 3 times per month on telephone). Write me with questions grace@workwithgrace.com.

Connections of a Lifetime in YOI (Year of Inquiry)
It is really valuable to make the personal connections/friendships that we are forming in the group. They are those lifetime, special connection, we were in it together, kinda friendships. And, like The School, it’s basis is life-giving, healing, transcending. So the friendship level is a very high vibration. Like we support each other in being the best we can be, which for me means the most peaceful/loving we can be, (rather than the most successful in society’s eyes we can be.) It reminds me of the bonds/friendships I formed in seminary.~ YOI participant, Oregon  

We start March 7th.

Love, Grace