Tag: mindfulness

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No conditions for love…even with cancer

I am ready to continue to sit again with this mind, old thoughts, new group, and the dreams I’ve experienced that appear stressful.
Someone wrote and asked about cancer and seeing it with unconditional love.
One of my deepest inquiries, personally, has been whatever appears to show up as a matter of life or death.
What are the situations I see in my mind with cancer?
  • Sitting at the bedside of my father, a November where it’s been drizzling all day, and the darkness has now descended at 4:00pm in the afternoon in the Pacific Northwest. The time of death is near, after two years of many treatments. He will never get to see his grandchildren not yet born, or to retire.
  • My doctor looks serious when I return to her office about a large bump on my thigh that was biopsied two weeks earlier. “After I take the stitches out, we need to talk about this.” Adrenaline surges through my body.
  • One of my dearest friends since age 14. I’ve been visiting him weekly for many months. He doesn’t get out of bed anymore when I come. I see wide bumps on his back that look like they are full of liquid, as he moves to reach for a glass of water.
  • The father of my children and first husband lies in a very quiet low-lit room in the tall Swedish Hospital in the middle of our city. There’s a gorgeous view out the window of a warm summer sunset. Everyone who visited earlier has left. I didn’t know I’d be the only one in the hushed room. I feel choked up, and heart-broken, and awkward….but there, present.
This is horrible. Awful. Wrong. Terrible. Devastating. Something to be AGAINST. Death. Knowing death is coming. Body breaking down. They are going soon. Terrifying.
 
Is it true?
What?! What kind of question is that?
How could that NOT be true? Of course it’s terrible. Nobody likes dying, and especially of cancer.
I notice how sure the mind is that it’s right. I notice how it’s terrified of death, even when it’s inevitable for everyone.
Such certainty, all based on guesses.
Can you absolutely know this is true that this situation, dancing with cancer, is horrible, terrifying, wrong…for them, for me?
This is no small question. This is the greatest question in the world.
Can I know it’s true that death–and especially death by THIS thing called cancer–is the “worst” thing ever?
Can I know the pain is intolerable, wrong, devastating?
No.
I. Do. Not. Know.
When I experienced the cancerous tumor, it was cut off my leg and almost 50 stitches to sew the area back up. The pain I felt was a super sharp sting as they put in the lidocaine injections deep into my thigh. I was awake. There was no additional pain. I saw nothing but the surgeon wearing her mask and the assistants moving about, smoke rising from a cauterizer. I heard them talking.
 
With my loved ones, I was there with them, just being there. Except for my reaction to the image of them over there, looking like they were weak and hurting and almost dead (and my stories about death) the space was peaceful.
Actually, more than peaceful. It was sacred.
Holy.
Like I was present to the portal that opens between this world and another, perhaps.
Someone doing The Work with me once said with a choked throat and tears and despair “There might be nothing on the other side. It’s just over. It’s so sad.”
And I notice, I don’t know if it’s sad. If it’s over there would be no sadness. The sadness can only be in the mind, now.
How do you react when you believe this death approaching, this illness, is horrible?
How do you react when you’re against it?

Crushed.

Imagination run rampant with thoughts of how it would feel, of imagining pain, of comparing what is with what was or what should be.

Here, I’m aware this work of self-inquiry is not about moving speedy quick over these difficult feelings or the wildness and mystery of life and death.

It is not saying “never think about death” or pretending there is no feeling of falling.

There is no trying to get somewhere else really, at all, even though I must admit I came into The Work trying to get somewhere else, somewhere different that felt better.

But who would I be in the face of cancer and death, without my conditions? Who would I be without the belief it should be different…another way?

How did I get the idea?

I notice how much I love the world, love people, connections, life, wonder. Perhaps that’s where I got the idea.

I imagine this love, this awe of life and how strange, magnificent, weird and mysterious it all is….and I dream of it ending in the future, as other things have apparently ended, and I feel what I’m calling “sad”.

Without the thought of “horrible” though, I’m in the moment now, with these people and images, with this invisible thing called cancer, where bodies are changing.

I see how there’s a slow peaceful movement away from the symptoms into whatever death is.

Everything changing, shifting, moving.

Turning the thought around: MY THINKING is horrible. Awful. Wrong. Terrible. Devastating. Something to be AGAINST. Death. My thinking is coming. Mind breaking down. My thinking is going soon. My thinking is terrifying and terrified.

Could it be that except for my thinking, all is well?

Yes. I’m simply here, aware. Being here, winding up here without a plan–there was no plan.

Holding this person’s hand, sitting in the presence of What Is. Broken open. Broken open very wide.

Not too terrified to be here, witnessing. Of service, if I can be. Noticing I want to give time, attention, connection. Noticing I wouldn’t want to miss any of this.

Not too terrified to feel like falling to my knees and surrendering to All This and sobbing my heart out.

This is wonder-ful, bearable. Right. Happening. Affirming. Something to be in favor of. Life. Knowing death is coming is good. Body breaking down is OK, the way of it. We are all going soon. We get to make that mysterious journey. It is loving.

Could this be just as true, or truer?

I can find so many advantages.

What if all the “conditions” I’ve placed on loving and being loved, on accepting and being acceptable, on feeling happy and peaceful, on me being a “me” and you being a “you”…..

…..fell away and there was nothing more required, absolutely nothing, in order to experience and be love, or peace, or happiness itself?

Aren’t I most interested in No Conditions?

Isn’t my greatest choice, perhaps my only choice, the ending of all conditions for love, peace or happiness? Isn’t that what I’ve always wanted…to feel whole, joyful, free no matter what?

Isn’t that why I keep loving doing The Work?

Yes.

Without the thoughts about dying, disease and death….what is, is amazing.

Much love,
Grace
P.S. Retreat starts in 2 days. For those of you asking about attending morning sessions only during this retreat since you’re in Europe, or evenings only if you’re in Australia, yes you can (good to have experience in The Work). Please consider the contribution of about $60-$80 per session to support us in our work. Institute for The Work ITW candidates receive 24 in-person credits (12 with me, 12 with Tom Compton–unless you’ve already gotten credit with us before). Join us here.
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Gratitude Eating (and not because you should be)

I’ve created a course just for brand new beginners to The Work called The Work for Dingalings (LOL).

It’s a Complete Idiots or The Work for Dummies Course where you’ll receive an email per day for a week. You’ll need 20-30 minutes per day to complete your homework.

To enroll (it’s entirely free) sign up here.

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We’ve heard about the power of gratitude.

But sometimes, it’s very difficult to find gratitude when it comes to our relationship with eating, food and our bodies.

These have caused so much strife, hell, stress, desperation, self-criticism.

How can we find gratitude for the weird diet foods we’ve eaten, or the ugly foods we’ve placed before us, or the sick feelings we’ve had when it comes to eating, or the disappointment about our weight, or worst of all, the compulsion to eat when not hungry?

This is NOT a “should”.

But it’s worth trying anyway. The power of appreciation is immense–and maybe more magnificent than you ever imagined.

Take a moment today, and think about the service this relating to food, eating food has been for you.

When I think about my truly whacky disordered eating, it almost seems nutty to consider that experience in my life with gratitude.

But I can find examples of feeling appreciation for the wayI I’ve eaten:

  • It led me to explore psychology, peace, relating to other people, learning about all relationships, and improving my communication
  • it gave me a way to be different from my family, to rebel dramatically, to find freedom from rigid rules about life
  • it gave me a big Left Turn in my own life–I dropped out, I worked on a ship, I went to therapy
  • it brought me to my knees and put me on a spiritual path of acceptance, including myself and my emotions
  • I love the very taste, texture, joy of emptying and filling up every single day–I love eating
  • it’s helped me learn how to support other people also suffering from the same craziness with food

Today, you can try to simply find a sense of gratitude, of appreciation, for something about food, eating, and your body.

Feel it.

Especially before eating. Practice “thank you” and see what happens.

EVEN if you think you’re overeating, binge-eating, doing it wrong.

Without our stories, we are not only able to eat and act clearly and fearlessly, we are also a friend and listener to ourselves, our own bodies, our fullness and our hunger. We are people living happy lives when it comes to eating. We are appreciation and gratitude that have become as natural as breath, and eating, itself.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Eating Peace 101 is coming: a six session class on Thursday mornings 8:00-9:30 am PT starting July 26th and will meet every two weeks (every other week) until October 4th. $295. Everything will be recorded. To learn more, visit HERE.
P.P.S. Eating Peace Process, the immersion, will begin again in November 2018 and meet through April 2019. This is an in-depth program for those who are serious about transforming their relationship with food from the inside out. Stay tuned or learn more (not taking registrations yet) by visiting HERE.
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Eating Peace: Everywhere You Go The Relaxation Diet….Lie Down (Watch the Weight Come Off)

Last week I was traveling and facilitating a retreat (in Oregon at Breitenbush Hotsprings Conference Center).

Yesterday I was out in the city to dance and meet friends for a birthday dinner.

We all move about, in and out of our houses. Food is out there, at home, on tables, and often easily acquired–especially for those in first world countries like me. Super abundance of food options and eating is all around.

When you’ve had an internal war with eating, your body image, or food itself….it often doesn’t feel good to be out away from home, and your safe refrigerator and pantry.

But who would you be without the belief you need to worry, you have to control the environment or the food, you must be anxious about you and food in any situation?

It doesn’t mean you don’t take good care of yourself and move towards what you need or away from what hurts when it comes to food and eating.

This is about finding truly, deeply what you need.

For me, it was always relaxation. Trust. Peace. Resting with what is. It doesn’t mean I’m passive and never speaking up for what I prefer or desire, or not acknowledging I’m hungry, or full.

When I relax fully, I’m actually free to ask for anything.

Here’s one of my favorite meditations or ideas to carry with me wherever I go. It’s called “Lie Down”.

Do it for real, on the floor or couch, or do it on the inside.

And see what happens with your fearful dilemmas about eating, not eating, foods, ingredients, body, fat, thin, weight.

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Eating Peace: What’s The Worst That Could Happen….If You STOP Eating?

New Eating Peace Masterclass on the Barriers in The Mind That Come Between Us And Eating Peace. Watch the webinar live on Tuesday 1/10 at 5:30 pm or Weds 1/11 at 8:30 am. Register here. (It’s free).

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When it came to food and eating, or weight loss and getting into shape, the first place my mind always went was to the solution.

I’ll eat like “x” and avoid “y” and add this exercise to my daily routine and resist “z” and control myself and apply willpower. I read many books on nutrition and dieting, all of which had pages of information about what was happening with the cells and molecules in the body, what recipes I should follow in the kitchen, and how I should plan my day (take the stairs, not the elevator).

All of that was ridiculous, considering the actual problem was in my mind. It was in the way I viewed the world, and how I was adapting to very stressful situations.

I was full of fear, anxiety, worry, nervousness and discomfort in some areas when it came to living life….

….and the way I adapted and coped show up in the way I ate.

The way through this very agonizing dilemma?

Identify clearly your stressful beliefs and fears, and question them. Find the opposites, the turnarounds, and practice living them.

As Einstein said (paraphrased), if he had an hour to solve a problem, he’d spend 55 minutes defining and studying the problem, and five minutes “solving” it.
So I quit studying food, nutrition, and exercise and I began to wonder what was below the surface of this whole thing in the first place.
 
When I questioned my fearful assumptions about life (and eating, food and body image) and spent the majority of my focus on this issue there….I cracked open the barriers I had to freedom.

When I questioned my fearful assumptions about life (and eating, food and body image) I cracked open the barriers I had to freedom.

I still feel nervous and anxious sometimes–I still have bad dreams occasionally, or concerns and I’m not sure how to handle a situation. But turning to food to handle them, or to help me cope or comfort or support my emotional state, is not something that even occurs to me. Nothing like it once was.

To begin to understand what your blocks are to freedom from compulsive eating (or any compulsive behavior) you can start with Byron Katie’s wonderful question that invites us to see what we’re afraid of. It’s not comfortable, always. But it’s profound, and offers insight to our inner fears that can be found in no other way than by identifying them, and looking at them.

The great question?

What’s the worst that could happen?

Here’s how. (The text on the screen will vanish in 50 seconds, hang tight at the beginning if you find it distracting).

Much love,

Grace

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How to quit playing the game: Be Afraid–Pass It On

quit playing the game FEAR: PASS IT ON!

Do you remember playing telephone when you were a kid? It’s where everyone sits in a circle, and one person begins with a simple sentence, a one-liner, and whispers it in the ear of the next person.

No one gets to say “WHAT???” and have it repeated. You need to listen carefully the first time. Then you whisper the very same thing into the next person’s ear. The very last person in the circle says out loud what they heard.

Peels of laughter! Sometimes it’s total nonsense and hilariously different from the original sentence.

Well, the other day when doing The Work with someone, I thought fearful stories were like this game.

Only they’re passed along from one generation, to the next generation, to the next.

Here’s what you should fear. Be afraid of THIS (insert whispered story).

How do I know you should be afraid? My mom told me. My dad told me. My grandpa told her. They gave that look of fear. They painted a terrible picture.

A frightening thing happens….and then WARNING, WARNING.

Teach everyone how scary that is and how you need to be very, very careful from now on.

There are events and experiences that cause fear in many human beings. Abrupt behavior, loud sounds, events where things break into pieces or are physically altered, or emotionally hurt. Change. Loss. Surprise. Anger. Blow-Ups. Crashes. Wars.

But trying to stay in a holding pattern of Calm-And-Collected and BE CAREFUL has its drawbacks.

Because we also like relaxing. We LOVE relaxing. It’s a place I want to return to, a homeostatis, and maybe the reason I first ever began to want to do The Work and find out what moves me away from peace.

And what about when we get a wee bit bored and actually want some excitement, or what if we want to improve our performance or results in some area (like health, eating–my favorite–love, money, romance, support), or create something new, or grow, transform or participate in change, on purpose?

We like developing and growing, and we like remaining calm.

But these two things don’t always go together!

Sometimes it’s like we’ve got the foot on the brakes and the foot on the accelerator at the very same time.

I want something different, but I don’t want it to be….scary! And remember! We need to be careful!!

How do you react when you believe, as you’ve always heard from people around you, that bad unexpected frightening things can happen in this world?

What happens when you want to do something new?

I’m careful.

Very, very careful.

I walk on eggshells.

Eggshells are so easily broken….I barely step out, I don’t move, I don’t take the risk of being rejected, or setting the person off, or having that worrisome thing occur.

But who would you be without the story that you need to be careful? At all.

Gasp!

If I’m not a LITTLE bit careful, I’ll be a fool. Ridiculous. I’ll do something completely stupid. I’ll lose everything. I’ll make a terrible decision. I’ll go against what my parents told me. And their parents before them.

Are you sure? Do you have to be afraid, and careful, in order to make sure you don’t fail, lose, or get hurt? Are you sure you need to never get hurt, fail, or lose?

Are you sure you need to stay entirely peaceful every second of every hour?

Wow. I never thought of that before.

A year ago, I went to a lecture and read a book by an author and speaker I found super interesting. Unexpectedly. I wasn’t looking for anything new to attend, I had been attending a lot less for a few years, in fact. But when a program appeared with an Enroll Here button, I clicked it and just knew to sign up.

I was simply drawn to it (and it’s been a wonderful adventure and brilliant people). But not easy. A day of travel just to get to the location. And sometimes daunting and mind-opening in a way that’s not exactly….happy.

What if you turned your thought around, and the very thing you ought to be careful about, and worried for, and avoid, or resist, or feel nervous over….

….has some powerful medicine to teach you?

This can even be true about very dreadful things, like getting a disease.

No, this isn’t saying sickness, violence, sudden change are easy and you need to be happy they’re happening. That would be ridiculous and kind of mean to yourself.

But what if you did become willing to have it occur, if it did? What if you noticed what you were OK with about it happening, or if it had anything helpful to offer in the way of a teaching, or it helped you eliminate what wasn’t working in your life?

Anything. An example, no matter how small, of how that thing you feel so worried about happening that it causes you to be careful in your life, even when things are fine….An example of if it happened, you’d be OK with it.

Even look forward to it.

I know it’s weird.

But it’s an exciting approach to duality and the negative, dark, scary things of life’s unfolding ways.

How could this part of Reality work for me, rather than against me? Have I ever heard of anything coming out of a situation I’ve always found scary like this, where the outcome was amazing change, or some kind of transformation, or some small advantage?

Who would I be without my story of needing to be careful?

Maybe not participating in the game called “BE AFRAID: PASS IT ON!”

Instead, you might be afraid, and do it anyway, or inquire, or pause and breathe deeply and keep going.

Who knows what being you will look like, without living a life of being afraid of being afraid.

“A teacher of fear can’t bring peace on Earth. We have been trying to do it that way for thousands of years. The person who turns inner violence around, the person who finds peace inside and lives it, is the one who teaches what true peace is. We are waiting for just one teacher. You’re the one.”  ~ Byron Katie

This doesn’t mean you never, ever experience one non-peaceful or violent thought.

It means when you have a violent or less than peaceful thought, you move to look at it, you don’t automatically believe it (and pass it on), you turn it around, you’re committed to understanding it, you open your hands up with wonder.

Whatever it looks like. Pass it on.

Much love,

Grace

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Do The Work With Others And Be Amazed By Kitchen Drawers

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Doing The Work with others brings deep and powerful support and connection

Only 4 spots left for Being With Byron Katie, an unusual event where we’ll be watching Katie on screen via internet as she teaches a retreat in Switzerland July 11-14.

Because this event is via internet, the cost is only $165 for all four days. These last spots available are for commuters only (a mattress may be free for you if you want to sleep in our big private rented lodge). We’ll have a ball together (24 people total), share potluck lunch, and have one hour of silent sitting meditation each day at 2:30 pm.

A fantastic group of people interested in questioning stressful thinking. What could be more wonderful?

Perhaps Breitenbush Retreat June 24-29!

This is a deep intensive dive into your inner world of stressful thinking, where you will get to do The Work with me and the incredible group who always assembles for 4.5 days. We gather to declare peace through this powerful self-inquiry.

Breitenbush Hotsprings is a gorgeous conference center located in old growth forest in Oregon. This retreat also has 20 people registered (capacity is 28) so call soon to make your reservation 503-854-3320.

The Breitenbush Retreat offers mental health counselors 26 CEUs.

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Speaking of gatherings and retreats, it seems like a summer full of contemplative activities, doing this powerful work, is spread before me.

In only two weeks, all the people in Year of Inquiry who can come, plus some Year of Inquiry alumni, will be arriving in Seattle and coming to my cottage to do The Work for three days.

My hands are clapping!

I love that it doesn’t matter where you are for this work.

You can be deeply concerned, very frightened about a particular issue or situation or person….

….or concerned about something that seems petty and small, and unimportant in the big scheme of things.

Long ago, a dear friend and inquirer and I had made plans to exchange facilitation in The Work.

She had facilitated me through a worksheet I wrote on my impending divorce.

I felt sick to my stomach, almost every day.

I was terrified I would never find a job, my money was draining out of my bank account faster than the sinking Titanic, I was a bundle of pain and agony.

I felt a little lighter after she facilitated me. Like chipping away at a big block of granite, my beliefs about being supported in life getting broken into pieces one hammer-strike at a time.

Then we switched roles.

Now I would facilitate her.

Her stressful belief was on her kitchen drawer.

It wouldn’t open properly, after the recent remodel.

“It should open easily.”

Seriously?? 

As I asked her the four questions, I noticed with amazement the joy of doing this work on something so apparently insignificant.

I could feel the frustration having a thought like this, that sometimes made me want to bang something around, throw my hands up in frustration, lose my temper in a fury, slam a door, or a drawer, break something.

Who would you be without the belief that this drawer, or anything, should open more easily than it is opening?

What if everything, even a drawer, is exactly in place, doing what it does, without a need to argue with it, or against it?

As my friend answered the questions, it washed through me….

….what if my estranged husband shouldn’t open, either?

What if all was going along in the best way possible?

What if I didn’t get involved in being opposed to or in favor of thislife?

Turning the thought around….

….this dear friend found the opposite: “my mind should open easily”.

WOW!

I chuckled softly.

I could find this, too.

Later, after the phone call was over and we had hung up, I sat silently.

A sense of peace, quiet, and emptiness beyond all words, beyond all thinking, beyond needing to do something or fix anything, wrapped around me.

Everything was going to be OK.

It already was.

Thank you for inquiry, on a drawer in a kitchen that wasn’t even mine.

Sometimes inquiry works in the oddest ways.

“There is no peace in the world until you find peace within yourself in this moment. Live these turnarounds, if you want to be free. That’s what Jesus did, what the Buddha did. That’s what all the famous great ones did, and all the unknown great ones who are just living it in their homes and communities, happily and in peace.” ~ Byron Katie

Do The Work on whatever you see around you that brings you stress. Begin with one situation at a time. Nothing more is required.

You can do this.
Come gather with a group on retreat, if you want support in getting there.
 
Much love,
Grace
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Mindfulness: Doing Nothing Is Easier Than You Think

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Martin Luther Kind and Thich Nhat Hahn: Peacemakers

Thich Nhat Hanh is a rather famous meditation teacher and spiritual leader in the Buddhist tradition.

Not long ago, I was listening to him talk about being mindful in every moment.

He said he enjoyed breathing mindfully, pouring and drinking his tea mindfully, walking mindfully, bringing his mind home to the present, using concentration.

Ahhhh. Good. Yes, cool.

But wait. THEN, he said something about sitting on your computer for three hours and forgetting you have a body.

Or walking very fast to get from here to there. Or eating quickly because you’re super hungry but you can’t be bothered to stop to enjoy the taste. Or holding it when you have to pee because you’re absorbed in something.

These are not mindful.

Um. Oh.

Mindfulness. It’s sooooo slow, though. It’s not exactly “exciting”. It can’t be that easy!

I mean, I have work to do. Programs to create, service to provide, money to make, success to achieve.

A great teacher and mentor of mine asked me “What do you want? If you could have one thing, what would it be…the thing you want the most?”

Really, really. What. Do. You. Want?

And then I realized…I don’t even know.

Awakening? Success? Ecstasy?

Suddenly I remembered….this allowing the mind to rest here in the body, including every sense, aware of everything here in the present, is pretty easy.

Like, crazy ridiculous easy. You don’t have to do anything.

Literally…nothing. You can stop trying. Stop looking for what is wanted.

It is not only easy…it is joyful.

“When you breathe in, you know you are alive. Because someone who is dead doesn’t breathe anymore. Breathing in, I know I am alive. I have a body. I can get in touch with the many wonders of life. Sunshine. Rain. Flowers. River. People. Joy, right away. Joy is born from mindfulness, concentration, insight.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Even if something difficult is happening. Sickness, loss, break-ups, destruction, suffering.

Even if I *think* this is not enough, just couldn’t be good enough, best enough, fine enough, big enough….

….I stop, anyway.

Who would you be without the thought that your present moment, this moment, is not quite enough, or missing something? That you have to get somewhere else, besides here right now?

I’d relax so deeply, it would be amazing.

Instead of “I WOULD relax so deeply, it WOULD be amazing” the whole experience suddenly becomes “I AM relaxed so deeply, this IS amazing.”

Turning the thoughts around: right here, right now, is enough, is plenty, is more than enough. 

It is overflowing, full, moving, alive.

Even if I’m crying, or afraid, or disappointed…these emotions are not all that is happening in this moment, there is much more.

Who are you right now without any belief that you need more than mindfulness, awareness, being still? That you need more than imagining who you would be without thought?

It’s a fun mystery.

“Each separate being returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity.” ~ Tao Te Ching #16

Much Love,  Grace

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Breitenbush Sold Out (With One Exception)

Wow, Breitenbush Annual Retreat in The Work of Byron Katie is FULL….except for people who want to stay in a deluxe tent platform open-air space, or a dorm.

The pros? Incredibly inexpensive, you still get all those exquisite healthy meals, access to all the hotsprings natural pools, and of course, you’ll attend our deep sessions in The Work to Declare Peace.

The cons? You bring your sleeping bag and set yourself up like someone going on a spirit quest walkabout in the deep forest. With hotsprings nearby, and showers heated by the springs.

If that’s for you, call Breitenbush soon and join our awesome group taking the deep sea dive into the internal world of inquiry, questioning all your painful stories, and turning your mind inside out (in a good way) by contemplating what is really true for you.

That last spots will go very soon. If you have special questions about anything Breitenbush, call me (206-650-1230). I can’t answer every logistical thing because Breitenbush does all the registration and administrative stuff. But I can tell you of my experience.

Funny, but that’s all any of us can ever really do if we’ve visited somewhere and someone else asks to know what it was like.

Including the world of freedom from stress, sadness, anger or pain. The peace found beyond believing what you think.

Last year, before I went to Bali with my husband on our honeymoon, I read about Bali, I heard from people who had been to Bali, I saw pictures of Bali, I got recommendations of where to stay and what to see.

But nothing was the same as actually being there.

You can’t really get the feel of any place entirely, just by learning about it.

I could even see a film of Bali (which I did, when looking at a bike-ride adventure for a day with a touring company). I could read guidebooks (I got about ten from the library). I saw the personal photos from a good friend from his trip with his family.

Everything brought it closer: film, pictures, stories from others, words.

But NOTHING was like being there. From the moment of getting off the airplane, there were smells, sights, colors, temperature, sounds of all kinds.

It was like diving into the lake, when before, someone told me about what it was like to swim there.

Even if I had entered a 3-D hologram sort of scene of Bali (I heard recently that there are bird-tweets programmed into the speakers in the ground at Disneyland) it might have been fun, but not quite REAL.

You know what I’m talkin’ about!

Understanding your own mind, your own experience of being alive, how you react, and who you’d be without your stressful thoughts….you have to experience it for yourself.

Even if you can’t make it to Breitenbush in Oregon in the United States and you are across the world (maybe you’re in gorgeous Bali, I met some awesome Grace Notes readers there) you can support your own inner journey by making your environment ideal.

You can do The Work, you can see what you’re thinking, you can stop, question, and hold still and look around.

Then….FEEL your environment, feel who you are, feel all of you, beyond your thoughts and perceptions.

“This Work is meditation. It’s like diving into yourself.Contemplate the questions, drop down into the depths of yourself, listen, and wait. The answer will find your question. The mind will join the heart, no matter how closed down or hopeless you think you are…..You may begin to experience revelations about yourself and your world, revelations that will transform your whole life, forever.” ~ Byron Katie

This has been true for me. It has transformed my whole life.

This life of understanding the mind, thinking, thoughts, beliefs, un-believing, not knowing, mystery, enlightenment….

….what a stunning adventure.

We’re all on the same journey of freedom, we all love freedom soooo much!

And in the end, you don’t need to move your body anywhere to take this journey. It’s real, and real can be to be exactly where you are.

Well…maybe a fake bird call here and there (an untrue thought)…but you’ve got what it takes to know what’s real. Phew!

“I came to see that the world is always as it should be, whether I opposed it or not. And I came to embrace reality with all my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. Summer Camp for The Mind coming June, July and August. Only $97 per month with live telecalls and a private membership site. Do The Work with others, only using your phone or computer. You really DON’T have to leave your home for summer camp!

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Create Your Own Mini Retreat

Room for two more people on Saturday in Seattle’s Mini Retreat, write to me by hitting “reply” to this email if you want to come. 1:30-5:30 pm, worth 4 CEUs.

The process of the doing The Work really is like a guided meditation.

You can do it with yourself, if you’re patient with your own mind.

To have your own mini retreat like the one we’ll be doing in person on Saturday afternoon, set aside at least one hour of quiet time. Get a friend if you can. That will really help you stay on track.

Then follow these steps.

Step One: Think of a situation in which you felt hurt, anxious, angry or sad about someone else. Don’t do it on yourself. Everyone always wants to do it on themselves. But you weren’t born upset with yourself….it came alive through interactions with other people for the most part.

So go outward first, to keep it really simple.

Step Two: Get what you’re thinking, all the awkward, vicious, judgmental, depressing stuff on paper. Don’t edit yourself. You can burn the paper afterwards. The worksheet for doing this is the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and you can get it atwww.thework.com.

Step Three: Look over everything you’ve written down. All your aggressive, mean, childish, petty, judgmental concepts about that person in that difficult situation.

Pick ONE. Make sure the sentence, this concept, is very simple. If you’re like me and you write long sentences, you may have to break up this concept into two or three very simple, shorter sentences.

For example, you might write: “I am upset because he lied to me about the business transactions and told our secretary that she was going to be fired so she stormed out of the office”. To break this long sentence up, you would write: “he lied to me” and “he told our secretary she was going to be fired” and “she stormed out of the office.”

If you spend time with the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet you will consider on a very deep level WHY this was upsetting for you.

You’ll begin to wonder.

If someone “storms out” what is the trouble with that?

What should or shouldn’t have happened instead? What do you really, really need in that situation to bring you happiness, peace, tranquility, comfort?

Step Four: After you’ve picked only one, simple concept, either answer the questions called The Work in writing….or have someone ask you those questions.

Take it slowly.

Here are the four questions:

1) Is it true?

2) Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3) How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

4) Who would you be without the thought, if you couldn’t even have the thought at all?

Step Five: Turn the thought you’ve been questioning around to the opposites. Example: he lied to me becomes a) I lied to him, b) he did NOT lie to me, and c) I lied to myself.

Study all of these. Open yourself to all of them. Open your heart to the flip side of the dual nature of the mind. Truth/Lying, Mean/Kind, Hate/Love.

Enter the world of All Sides. No Absolutes.

We’ll do this, quietly and in silence on Saturday.

But even if you live a long, long way from Seattle….you can have your own mini-retreat. Invite a few people over. Print out Judge Your Neighbor worksheets, and then the Facilitation Guide with the questions of The Work.

You never know what one afternoon meditation session can bring.

“The Work is meditation. It’s about awareness; it’s not about trying to change your mind. Let your mind ask the questions, then contemplate. Take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface.” ~ Byron Katie

If you notice that you’re a thinker….then having this time with that mind full of thoughts is so precious, you may be astonished at what can happen, rather than upset with your speedy analytical mental activity.

Your own brilliance may shine. You may find clarity, your own wisdom, your own answers.

Your life may change, just a little (or a whole lot). Soften, relax, pause, expand.

Sign me up.

Much love, Grace

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True Relief In Changing Absolutely Nothing

Only three more spots in the mini retreat this coming weekend. If you want to go from beginning to end investigating one personal dilemma, problem, person, situation, or pattern in your life that causes upset….

….and learn how to facilitate someone through the process as well….

….we’ll go from beginning to end in four hours. Four CEUs for mental health professionals. 1:30-5:30 on Saturday 5/3.

Write grace@workwithgrace.com with questions or to register.

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I’ve been teaching the Money teleclass again lately.

I love bringing the awareness of supply to the forefront again, like every time I do the money class.

Looking at money, and what it symbolizes, means, represents.

All the stories, so fantastic, so thoroughly fascinating.

Seeing what you *think* will give you support, time, relaxation or freedom in your life is truly exciting.

Throughout human history, people have had complex and confusing ideas….but very common ones….about what they need in order to have support, security, or freedom.

Money, a boyfriend, a wife, a lover, youth, good parents, a different partner, a guru, a teacher, a method, a meditation retreat, enlightenment, a different mind (we went over that yesterday), a fair divorce, health, weight loss, beauty.

One of my favorite questions that Byron Katie asks is “what would you have, if you had what you think you need in order to be happy?”

So what would you have, if your partner quit smoking? What would you have, if you got married? What would you have, if you won the lottery? What would you have, if you no longer had cancer?

Often we’re just sure we’d have it better. Life would be easier, safer, more interesting, more loving.

I always thought having more money would make life easier.

You pick the thing you want to investigate with me right now…that thing that if it changed, and you got MORE or LESS of it….

….you’d be rockin’ the casbah in no time.

Well….first off….is it true that if you got more (or less) of it that you’d be happy?

Yes. If I won the billion dollar lottery, I’d be jumping up and down, I’d never have to worry again, I’d get so excited to share it, I’d be free to move forward on x, y, z.

Yes. If I had a husband who was a competitive athlete I’d have more health and fitness, and therefore happiness, in my life.

Yes. If I had all the time in the world for retreats I’d be zoning out on bliss and clarity at all times.

Yes. A client of mine said if she didn’t have cancer, all the fear, pain and danger in her day-to-day activities would dissolve.

Yes. Another client said if he go that new promotion, he’d jump for joy.

But can you absolutely know that its true?

I once heard Adyashanti talking about the way we get a nice new car and its awesome for about two weeks. Or less.

Or a new lover. Pretty exciting for some amount of time. Then we find faults. The relationship isn’t giving us what we anticipated or hoped for.

So we start to look for something different, something else. Not quite there yet.

No. I really can’t know its true that if I got what I think I want, I’d be totally and completely satisfied and happy.

But who would you be without the thought that having a bunch of money, or attention, or fame, or love from a person….

….or a bunch less sickness, mental analysis, boredom, work….

….would give you real happiness?

Wow, it’s astonishing.

Without the story that you need anything, in order to be happy, a very strange and exquisite emptiness is felt. Like a big question mark. A very quiet but powerful silence. Everything slows down.

Nothing, absolutely nothing (including the right spiritual message) could give me happiness, that I don’t already have?

You mean I’m not lacking something? Or in need?

I don’t need to have a back-up plan, or save something in reserves for a rainy day? Or keep hunting, endlessly, for my true love, or my true teacher, or the right answer, or enlightenment?

Ha ha!

Without the thought that I need even a drop of something to gain or achieve something better….

….laughter wells up from underneath somewhere, behind and below and all around.

Turning the thought around: I don’t need that thing in order to be happy. Maybe that thing (or person) needs more of me. Maybe I need more of myself, more awareness of what is here.

Well, I sure notice that what I always needed was more of myself, not money, love or security (etc). I kept looking at myself like I was just a mind, thinking thinking thinking.

But we are all so much more than what we *think*.

What does your pinky toe say about this effort to find awareness, enlightenment, money, truth, or health?

Pinky Toe is very happy, already. It doesn’t even “get” trying to find enlightenment or a lover or extra cash.

Phew. Nothing more to do. Nothing to find or get. Nothing to acquire.

You already know that stopping, and resting, is just what the doctor ordered. Sweet, magnificent rest.

“When your image of the me takes a break, you’ll find all you are doing at that moment is just being open. You feel quite relieved that you are not trying to get to another moment or a better experience. You feel yourself just being in a very relaxed, easy sense of peace. You haven’t gained anything at all–you’re not smarter, you don’t necessarily know more than anyone else, and you haven’t suddenly become holy.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace