This past week I worked with two clients who felt very, very discouraged after having the experience of an episode called “binge-eating”.
I remember it well, like it was yesterday even though the last “binge” episode I had was many years ago, compulsively overeating food, absolutely stuffing myself until my stomach hurt, feeling like I couldn’t stop or wouldn’t stop until I was in extreme pain, like something was taking over me, almost another personality!
In that state of mind, there were no obligations, no future, all rules broken, no control, no care for consequences, surrender to the craving.
What exactly is this thing called a Binge? The dictionary defines it as an uncontrolled period of excessive self-indulgence, immoderate, unrestrained. Humans go on spending sprees, gambling binges, eating orgies, crying jags!
It’s like we’re ON these things, as if they are a trip. A train is running and it feels like we can’t get off.
I find that there’s a really interesting flip-flop between being in control and out of control, and people with different kinds of personalities gravitate towards the two sides more or less. And some of us bouncing between both sides.
In control looks careful, regimented, disciplined. It gathers information and data, really uses the thinking mind. I used to live in this place when I was not bingeing. Reading, collecting, analyzing. It felt very mental. I couldn’t get enough information, go to enough workshops, or ponder the meaning of my life and my problems ENOUGH.
Then there would be the state of FEELINGS breaking through and what felt most dominant would be anger, grief, fear, anxiety….some kinds of very intense feelings that seemed overwhelming, serious, and so powerful. Unplanned, unexpected and sometimes very extreme behavior would become the dominant experience in this dramatic place.
But both experiences are reactions to stories. The stories are simple. They go something like this:
- This could be better, things could be better, I could be better
- This moment is not perfect, I am not perfect, my body is not perfect
- Who is God? What’s going on? I NEED to KNOW!
- My feelings are not perfect, I am angry, scared, sad.
- I am not complete as is. I need a partner, more money, happiness, a better body, a better mind, more fun, more knowledge, success.
- Death is terrible
- Life is boring
- I’m not good enough
When you can hold still and not react to things like they are an emergency to which need to be figured out, then you can see what’s on your list of stressful beliefs.
The fantastic news is that the more I have found out that what I believed is not actually true for me afterall, the more calm and peaceful I feel. Sometimes it’s pretty stormy inside my mind, but it never works its way up into a frenzy of a binge.
No controlling anything, no being on plans, budgets, rations. No flipping out and going wild as if escaping from a jail.
Byron Katie says that when we feel stress, we’re actually believing something that isn’t really true for us. Which means, when we really get down to it and look…we already know it’s not true. The stressful moment or feeling is the little temple bell ringing, a wake-up call.
OK, OK, tornado sirens for some of us!
It’s just saying “Woah, you’re really believing a story here. This story hurts. You’re forgetting that it’s a story, and that it isn’t true”. Like a little kid believing there is something terrible in the closet.
The next Horrible Food Wonderful Food class starts the first week of April. A great place for first identifying what you’re actually believing about food, eating, your body, and then questioning these thoughts.
Love, Grace