Tag: geneen roth

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Eating Peace: Healing Eating Wars With Mind, Feelings, Body, Spirit

If you got the chance to watch my webinar on many in’s and out’s of healing eating troubles, thank you.
I was going through the webinar the other day and realized at the end, I talk about my upcoming online Eating Peace 3 month program….and the dates are for last autumn.
I did teach the course last autumn!
But now….it’s February!
And many of you have written me to ask….well, heck, are you teaching the online class again soon and how do I sign up?
That would be YES.
Registration actually opens tomorrow, on Valentine’s Day. I’ll send a quick, short email with details in the morning with how to register.
But such a comprehensive program may not be right for you, right now. That’s OK. It’s a pretty intensive, full program, with weekly webinars and additional weekly live calls for questioning stressful thoughts using The Work of Byron Katie. There’s only one week off between each module and we go all the way until the very end of May!
Click through to my website to read all the details about the entire program and how it works right HERE….
….but meanwhile….
….here’s a video where I expand on the areas I studied, all of which came together in a big interconnected way for healing:
Mind, Feelings, Body and Spirit.
In the video in each area, I give you a really vital key you can use for changing your relationship with food and eating.
Start to use these tools and principles.
As you change your inner world when it comes to food and eating, you help change the experience of eating from agony to joy.
When you feel the joy of being alive, having a body, and eating, you spread the joy just by being yourself.
Then more and more people can become free from self-condemnation when it comes to food, or compulsion with food, or terrible violent thoughts and behaviors with food.
“There is something better than endlessly pushing the boulder of obsession up the mountain: putting it down. And if you are willing to refrain from dieting and needing an instant solution, and if you want to use your relationship with food as the unexpected path, you will discover that God has been here all along….In each moment of kindness you lavish upon your breaking heart or the size of your thighs, with each breath you take–God has been here. She is you.” ~ Geneen Roth
 
Enjoy! And leave a comment, I love to hear how these ideas work in your life:

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Eating Peace – Video #2 – Write It Down

On the first video I sent a few days ago, I identified the three grand areas that most eating pain comes from: lack of power, upset with emptiness, afraid of feeling fear.

Powerless, empty or afraid….or any combination of the three. I used to have all three running at the same time, frequently, in my underlying beliefs about reality.

In this second video, I wanted to give you an idea of how to get clearer in the midst of all these messy, difficult and uncomfortable feelings.

I give you one of the first steps to freedom I ever took.

It was writing down the thoughts going on in my head.

Even if you’re in the middle of a binge, even if you’re full right now when you’re reading this, even if you’re starving hungry but afraid that if you start eating, you’ll take off into another eating frenzy….

….write anyway.

The best thing I ever did on my early journey into recovery from all eating issues was to get a private journal just for me, called a Binge Journal.

If you don’t binge, but you’re wanting to become more aware of your eating, call it your Eating Journal.

You are getting to know yourself through how you reach for food, how you think about food. It’s really how you think about YOU.

Start recording your thoughts every day, several times a day if you can. This is not with an effort to change or force yourself to write anything ingenuine or untrue.

This is only for noticing.

You have to start with examining what is present, with taking in where you are and what you’re working with. Without trying to change it.

Watch this video for some more of my story, and how to get started in identifying what you really believe, so you can bring it out into the light:

How To Stop Your Mind When It Comes To Food? Write It Down
How To Stop Your Mind When It Comes To Food? Write It Down

In the next video, I’ll show you not only how to potentially change your thinking using lazer sharp questions, but also what to do in the middle of a wave of powerless, empty, fearful thoughts…..when it seems like writing just isn’t enough to stop the urge.

“Awareness is a way you keep yourself company. When you are aware you are being compulsive, you are no longer locked in the behavior. You have a choice to stop. That choice–and therefore awareness itself–is freedom.” ~ Geneen Roth

Much love, Grace

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After A Binge or If You Feel Sick – Simply This

At a huge conference yesterday, I had an experience I haven’t had in a very long time.
Feeling very, very full after eating a feast in a really gorgeous, high end restaurant with lovely people and several hours of conversation.
As I bicycled home late at night the moon shone brightly and the air was warm…this is Scottsdale, Arizona…the desert.
All was well, until I stopped moving, jumped off my bike and entered my hotel room.
Then…woah.
My stomach is so full!
As I drank some water (so full), as I brushed my teeth (so full), as I pulled back the soft sheets (so full), as I checked emails quickly (so full), as I closed my laptop and turned out the light (so full), as I lay in silence on my back, feeling my stomach with the palms of my hands (so full).
As it turned out, something disagreed with my stomach and twice in the night I got up with diarrhea.
When something feels off in the body, the mind loves to comment.
Have you noticed?
No matter what kind of sickness, even a common cold, the mind may chatter away saying “you should have washed your hands after encountering those kids”, “you should have gotten better rest the other day”, “you shouldn’t have eaten that food”, or “you should have taken your vitamins”….
It will go on and on trying to figure out where you made the mistake, so you can avoid it again.
But what if you observe that the reason you feel bad is all because of YOU. Then, there is another meaner more vicious voice that can attack you for succumbing to your cravings. It’s bitter, critical and judgmental.
And really feels horrible. Important for inquiry.
Let’s look.
  • you should know better
  • I can’t believe you drank that/ate that
  • there is something completely wrong with you
  • you’re an idiot
  • you must not love yourself
  • this means you’re a fraud, childish, sick, needy, gross
You may have felt this way a thousand times, if you’re someone who falls into a compulsive process with food (or many other behaviors).
But instead of being so mean and raging an army against your own behavior…try something different.
Who would you be without these thoughts? Who would you be without believing your story about what happened, what’s wrong with you, or why you’re a failure?
If you’ve had a binge, take a deep breath.
Be very quiet.
Can you notice what is gentle, peaceful and sweet about this moment, now?
What else are you, besides your thoughts about the way you eat?
Can you find the opposite to your thinking?
  • you should not know any better
  • It’s completely believable and OK that you drank that/ate that
  • there is something completely right with you
  • you’re a genius
  • you must love yourself
  • this means you’re a normal human, innocent, healthy, have needs, beautiful
How could it be as true, or truer, that all unfolded as it did and you can learn from what happened?
If you’ve binged, it can be difficult to catch the thoughts you had before you felt the urge to binge…but it’s totally possible for you.
I suggest getting a Food Journal. Long ago I called mine a Binge Journal.
Write in it as soon as you remember, whether a day later after a binge, several hours after, 15 minutes after, the middle of it, or when the craving first arises.
You won’t be able to capture your thoughts on paper BEFORE you feel the cravings, if this is a new process. Don’t expect that of yourself, you’ll discover so much just by looking back at your last binge or over-eating episode.
What were you feeling, before cravings rose up? What was happening for you before you felt uncertainty, before you ate, before you drank, before you grabbed for something? Who did you think about or talk with? What did you feel afraid of?
For me…as I look right now today, I see a lot of inner activity was going on, and I didn’t take time to be with myself and rest.
Thoughts that floated through my mind yesterday, before the dinner ever took place, were like this: there are soooo many people at this conference, I want to connect with people more intimately but I’m finding it hard, I want to rest and feel the inner energy I love so much, I wish I had more money, I wish I had more time, I don’t completely belong here, I’d rather be at a meditation retreat, I’m all alone, this place is unfamiliar, I need to squeeze everything I can out of this conference and I’m not doing a good job, I am not really successful in my work.
It felt alarming, somewhat anxious. I had not stopped and questioned what I was thinking. I had believed a lot of what I thought.
Don’t belong. Not enough. Separate.
Without any of these thoughts about what I should or should not be doing, or that I am not connected or enough….
….I feel so relieved. Quiet.
Back again to nothing being required, nothing more needed in this moment, nothing missing.
“Freedom from obsession is not about something you do; it’s about knowing who you are. It’s about recognizing what sustains you and what exhausts you. What you love and what you think you love because you believe you can’t have it.” ~ Geneen Roth
Blessings to all of you who have felt the numbing harsh pain of that Mean Voice talking to you, and seeking comfort in food or drink or something that hurts you later.
There is an answer, there is a reason for it all. There is nothing wrong with you.
Here is a video for you, by a sweet spiritual teacher named Mooji. Very simple, very kind. This is one thing you can do after a binge, or when you’re overwhelmed with self-criticism or cravings.
Much love,
Grace
Eating Peace will begin on October 26th. We’ll meet most Wednesday and Sunday mornings from 8:30-10 am Pacific Time for twelve weeks. We’ll practice self-care, self-love, inquiry, and stopping before bingeing, and stopping before wild believing of everything you think. Read more details and sign up by clicking HERE.
Much love,

Grace

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Do You Know The Difference Between Ghost Hunger And Real Hunger?

One of the first places I experienced deep, horrible, shameful suffering was in the way I ate.

It all started pretty young for me.

I remember “knowing” that people were “good” when they ate salad, broccoli and apples, and “bad” when they ate half a pizza, candy, or big bowls of ice cream.

I was eight.

Slowly the building blocks of beliefs came together to make a perfect storm of being freaked out around eating.

The culture and society praising thin, parents having wildly high expectations of themselves and of me, the beliefs that big feelings were to be shoved under the carpet or you’d make a fool outta yourself, and the incredible comfort of eating food.

Put that all together and you’ve got fear, anger, sadness, and more fear.

It took some heavy work and amazing encounters with wise teachers, and learning to be really honest, to find my freedom.

After a few years went by, people began to ask me about my recovery, how it happened, what it was like….and could I help.

I was hesitant.

It was trickier than I thought.

Fast forward after many years of insight, awareness, reading, learning, a master’s degree, group therapy, individual therapy, family therapy, and finding The Work of Byron Katie….

….and I loved the simplicity of identifying all those beliefs I had as an eight year old kid and a teenager, and questioning if they were really true.

My first telecourse to help break apart the pattern of eating too much or too little, of dieting or obsessing or freaking out about food, was in 2010.

I kept updating it, noticing what worked, what didn’t work, what helped, what didn’t help.

I’ve taught the course 21 times.

The last time I offered Eating Peace was nine months ago.

I’ve been waiting to roll it out again, because I’ve been researching, writing, and compiling piles of information about what’s been missing in supporting people to get to freedom around food.

I surveyed and interviewed almost everyone who participated in the last group…

…and some who participated in classes even before that one…

…and I learned some very important things.

People understood how to question their thinking, they learned how to relax more with food, they felt more self-acceptance in their bodies, they could question some of those big weird beliefs like “I should be thin to be loved” or “I have a problem with food” and turn these thoughts around…

BUT…

…only a few participants felt permanent change in their daily relationship to food and eating, or their bodies.

Sometimes, participants felt enormous relief and flooded with peace. They wouldn’t feel like eating so much, they might not even start a binge.

Then a few days would go by, or a few weeks or months…and the urge to eat would appear again with a vengeance.

Here’s what I found, if you are someone who’s experienced ANY kind of ongoing addictive pattern where you use SOMETHING to alter your mood, whether food, sex, shopping, smoking, drinking, facebooking, whatever…..

….This is all about your beliefs about you, and your conflicted feelings about safety, power, rest, love, sadness, satisfaction, hunger, fullness, independence, aloneness and who you really are.

What I have found by studying myself and other people is, the only way to get to the bottom of the compulsion for food when you are not actually hungry, or the compulsion to starve yourself when you are…

…is to catch that very moment–it speeds by so fast it’s like a flicker of something on a movie screen–before you feel like consuming or exercising or DOING something.

It’s whatever is there that says “I cannot stand being in this moment, I have to do SOMETHING, I don’t feel good.”

There are simple ways to begin to find out how to identify ghost hunger from real hunger, and to stop mistrusting yourself and treating yourself so meanly.

I’m going to dive in again with a group to not only investigate the mind, but also to investigate feelings….maybe even feel them.

It does take practice and it’s a process, not an instant fix.

One thing I learned about the teleclass was that 8 weeks is a great introduction, but it’s not enough time.

We’re going to meet for twice that time. For four months, I’m going to help you get clear about this Food Thing, and practice relaxation.

We’ll practice Being….and Doing Nothing….when it comes to this “problem” with food, this problem you may have had for almost all your life, give or take a day or two.

Here’s the good news:

The mind can be your friend to investigate food, eating, craving, compulsion, powerlessness, discouragement, emptiness, and fear.

If you would like to be on the early-bird list to learn about this new program for making friends with food, eating and your body…

…then click here.

If you have a friend or a family member or colleague who you think would like to be on the list for the upcoming news for Eat In Peace, please click here to forward this Grace Note to them: Blue.

I can’t wait to work with everyone who signs up.

Freedom from thinking and feeling bad about food is possible for everyone.

Even you. Especially you.

“Imagine not being frightened by any feeling. Imagine knowing that nothing will destroy you. That you are beyond any feeling, any state. Bigger than. Vaster than. That there is no reason to use drugs because anything a drug could do would pale in comparison to knowing who you are.” ~ Geneen Roth

Much love, Grace

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Don’t Change Your Addiction, Investigate It

Addictive behavior is one of the most troubling for people who go through it.

Overeating (my personal biggie many years ago), drinking alcohol, drugs, porn, relationship obsessing, emails, sex, internet surfing, smoking. 

If you’ve ever had even one fogged-out trance-like escapist episode, you might come up for air later and often wonder what happened….and how you can make sure it never happens again. 

Only it does.

People write to me all the time asking about how to do The Work on the cycle of addiction. 

It doesn’t actually matter what your deal is, whether eating, ingesting something, doing something mindless and apparently time-wasting…..the main thing is that you notice a lack of presence. 

And often, a sense that you are experiencing something not exactly helpful for your life. Or downright harmful and death-oriented. 

What Byron Katie and many thought teachers often say is, just keep doing The Work, keep looking at your thought patterns and what you believe about everything that bugs you, everything that brings up stress….and you’ll notice that the urge to use will lessen, and then vanish.

But what if it’s not exactly vanishing? Or what if you’re so exhausted by the addictive behavior that the main stress you see is your horrible relationship with that substance?

Just start there.

I hate this cycle. I hate overeating. Why? Because it does nothing for me, it’s bizarre, I keep doing it with the same results. I can’t control myself. 

Recently I was working with a wonderful inquirer who has suffered terribly with binge-eating. She has, however, been studying herself in a lighter way in the past couple of years.

Before, when she overate, she detested herself, thought of herself as totally and completely self-defeating. But now, she was open to understanding better the spell that would come over her called a “binge”. 

And she had recently discovered something. Just like I did long ago.

BEFORE the feeling of urgency to eat entered, there was an uncomfortable feeling that had nothing to do with food. And guess what came along with (almost simultaneously) before that uncomfortable feeling? 

A troubling thought. 

Believing something scary, alarming, worrisome, nerve-wracking or terrifying. And believing that was actually true. And not knowing what to do with all the fear.  

Bam. Eat. Smoke. Drink. Text that person you’ve been obsessed with. Hunt for workshops to sign up for online. Buy another spiritual non-duality book.

But it’s really OK if you don’t even know what the thought was before you felt like doing your addictive thing. 

Like I said, you start with what is prominent, what is screaming in your head. That will be a stepping stone to the next thing.

You can trust the process.

I hate this addictive cycle.

Is that true?

Duh. Of course it’s true.

Are you sure? Are you completely positive? What do you mean by “hate”?

No. I am not completely sure that it’s true that I hate it. 

How do you react when you believe you hate the cycle of addiction and everything about it?

I attack it. I hate food. I hate myself. I hate society. I blame everyone. I wish I were dead. I feel discouraged. I hate being alive. 

Your reaction may not be so dramatic. The way you react may be that you make a plan. You sign a contract. You vow. You go through a treatment program. You promise. You control yourself. 

But who would you be without the thought that you HATE this addictive cycle? 

If you really stay and sit with this idea for awhile, even for five minutes, you may notice that something inside of you relaxes. The energy of “hate” which is like an intense feeling of fear surging outward (or however you might describe it) doesn’t have so much vigor behind it.

What if you LOVE the addictive cycle?

Ha ha, kind of funny right? But what if there is something, up to now, that has been useful about the whole thing (apparently)? Even though it has hurt and been so uncomfortable….perhaps it has given you something you thought you needed.

What if you’re not wrong, to have experienced your addiction?

What has been good about it?

Maybe there is another way to find relief, freedom, letting go, power, kindness, soothing, clarity, or love. That has no side effects. 

You can find the way. You will, in just the right time, the right moment. 

“Who would want their mind to be quiet if they understood it, if they really understood it? If they could meet all their thoughts with unconditional love, which is what these questions bring, then who would want the mind to shut up? Who would want to escape or change it? We haven’t been able to quiet the mind. And we haven’t been able to meditate it down or medicate it down, not for long. It looks like we have control over it until we get the parking ticket. So instead of fighting our thoughts, through these four questions we welcome them as friends.” ~ Byron Katie

I would never, ever, ever be where I am now, with this calm that accompanies me almost all the time around food, without the severity of the food addiction and cravings and urges. 

I LOVE that I had that cycle of addiction. It served me beyond anything else possible to study this mind and wake up, wake up, wake up, over and over again.

“Our work is not to change what you do, but to witness what you do with enough awareness, enough curiosity, enough tenderness that the lies and old decisions upon which the compulsion is based become apparent and fall away. When you no longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop.” ~ Geneen Roth

Much love, Grace

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Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend Coming 4/4

I wanted to let you all know that I’ll be offering my non-residential weekend Horrible Food Wonderful Food, limited to 14, Friday night April 4 – April 6th….in only a month.

The weekend is an ever-expanded in-depth look at the stressful beliefs that I found to be in place that created overeating, binge-eating, obsession with healthy eating, or diet mentality.

I share with you what I found that freed me from that cycle, and you identify what you’re thinking that causes you to stay stuck in yours.

Then, we’ll take these stressful beliefs to inquiry, using The Work of Byron Katie.

This weekend will offer a great tool for your tool box in your journey of healing compulsive or emotional eating…or just thinking too much about weight, or food.

Sign up by writing to me at grace@workwithgrace.com or clicking this button here: undefined

“Our work is not to change what you do, but to witness what you do with enough awareness, enough curiosity, enough tenderness that the lies and old decisions upon which the compulsion is based become apparent and fall away. When you no longer believe that eating will save your life when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed or lonely, you will stop. When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food, you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart. When the shape of your body no longer matches the shape of your beliefs, the weight disappears.” ~ Geneen Roth 

Could it possibly be true that witnessing, looking at what you’re thinking, and questioning it, is enough?

Yes. It has been for me.

Join me for the weekend next month.

Much love, Grace

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You Must Not Want It Bad Enough!

Stephen Mitchell, the author and translator of many ancient mystical texts (and married to Byron Katie), writes about non-action in his forward to his translation of the Tao Te Ching: A good athlete can enter a state of body-awareness in which the right stroke or the right movement happens by itself, effortlessly, without any interference of the conscious will.

All of us have this kind of experience in our lives, when things came together without our “trying” to make it happen. We know we want to be “over there”; for example, on a trip to a distant country, at a different point in our career, to change the shape of our body, to stop smoking, to reach peace in a vital relationship, to be on time, to win the competition.

And one day, we are there. Why now?

The thought that I can Do Something and Will myself to go in a certain direction, or will someone else to go in a certain direction, is very difficult to give up, especially if we are the type of person who loves discipline and structure.

Sometimes the sense of a lack of will power is the reason people hire life coaches or health coaches or personal trainers. They say things like “I’m gonna hire that coach so they kick my butt into shape” or “I need some accountability”. There is the person who is the whip-driver and the person who “needs” to get whipped. Power is perceived to be missing from the whippee. Something needs to be done. Things are very serious.

The deal these two people make often assumes that the person getting coached needs to make their will stronger, and to destroy some other loser part of themselves.

  • winners never quit and quitters never win
  • no pain, no gain
  • I’m going to get there, or die trying
  • get MAD!
  • you must not want it bad enough!

Have you noticed that the more you push, cajole, fight, twist, criticize, battle or attack something, the more energy it takes? The more you try to build up power inside yourself using force, the more tired you feel, or more unhappy, or more doubtful, and endlessly dissatisfied?

It does not feel stress-free, peaceful, or fun.

I remember giving up diets forever. They never, ever worked for me anyway. I got as thin as possible and it excellent physical condition, and then there was more effort, and a sense of being imprisoned and having to be alert at all times, cravings and anger at certain foods.

I wanted true freedom. Honest freedom. I wanted to be like I was when I was a child, when I barely remember food. I wanted my natural will, the way it was, to be effortless. I wanted to not have to work on my will power at all, to not think of myself as so lacking.

I had a lot of painful beliefs and thinking to question and Un-Do in order to get back to an uninhibited life around eating and my body. They were base-level core painful beliefs that were not true, like “I am unlovable, my appetite is too big, my feelings are too dramatic, I am greedy.”

Most importantly, I noticed that all of those kinds of thoughts about being fierce, aggressively holding the line, getting mad, or thinking I should be forcing myself to success were the opposite of loving and kind, and not the way I wanted to live.

If I could do it with food and eating, anyone can do it. I took my behavior and thinking to the extreme edges, which helped it all crash and burn. Total surrender. Total loss. Complete failure.

When it is not so serious and you give up fighting, instead of losing, you might find that playing comes alive. Joy, excitement, open to anything. Willing to have a body that does what it does.

“The best athlete wants his opponent at his best. The best general enters the mind of his enemy. The best businessman serves the communal good. The best leader follows the will of the people. All of them embody the virtue of non-competition. Not that they don’t love to compete, but they do it in the spirit of play. In this they are like children and in harmony with the Tao.”~Tao Te Ching #68

I want my aggressive big-appetite self to step out into the open, I want to enter and understand the mind of my obsessive self that gets fixed on things like an addict, I want to be open and supportive to every inch of my amazing body, I want to play with food and eating, explore my cravings, biting into yummy things and then moving on to something else the minute I’m full. In harmony with what is.

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Relentlessly Thinking I Should Be Different

A thoughtful reader and inquirer wrote to ask me about the stress she experiences when she believes she needs to relax, lighten up, or stop working so much in order to be happy. You may the post from last week I Need To Relax To Be Successful.

This is such a great discovery, to realize that even with gentle-sounding thoughts and concepts that seem like good ideas, we can start a thread of thinking about how we could improve.

The thoughts go something like this (spoken from one who knows):

  • I should relax more
  • I should be kinder to myself and others
  • If I only knew how to calm down, my life would be more pleasant
  • I shouldn’t let that person bug me
  • If I meditated more, practiced my spiritual path more, then I would be a better person, more loving, and happier
  • I want to spread peace and not war
  • I allowed people in my life to hurt me, it’s my fault
  • If only I had a thicker skin, jeez!
  • If I could just remember to count to ten or have more patience, my kids would be happier
  • I should love myself

What I found is that when I start to get into these kinds of thoughts about how I don’t measure up to the best I could be….frustration, tiredness, low-energy, sadness, disappointment.

One of my favorite exercises in Katie’s book I Need Your Love, Is It True? is to consider the worst you have ever done. Almost everyone on the planet, upon thinking about the WORST they have ever done, feels terrible. We are sure we could have done it differently. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

Katie suggests that we couldn’t have done it any better. No better, no different. It went exactly the way it needed to go based on who we were, who they were, what we were all believing at the moment.

We were innocently believing our thoughts. That was the way of it, that is the way of it. We were doing the best we could have done.

Notice how the mind will say “OK, I did the best I could in that moment…and IT WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH!”

You don’t really have to know consciously what you are actually believing, with perfect wording. You can question simply that you are not doing it well, that you could be doing better.

Who would you be without the thought that you are not good enough at relaxing? What if you didn’t evaluate yourself as needing to improve in any way at all, right in this moment?

What if you shouldn’t even love yourself right now? What if it is not possible to be a better parent? What if you are not awakened because you are not supposed to be? What if you are not successfully raking in money or working at a good job because your current status is just right?

“All that’s required of me is that I be good enough just to sit in this chair now. It doesn’t matter what my mind says…..Only a huge ego could say that you’re supposed to be doing something that you’re not doing. If it’s required, just start moving toward it–get the job done. And if you can’t get the job done, it’s because it’s not required.” ~ Byron Katie 

It is so strange for the mind to not have an improvement plan. But how amazing to find out what happens without one.

I was always so sure NOTHING would happen, or BAD things would happen without an improvement plan. Just try for a few minutes, a few hours, seeing what happens if you have no plan, if you don’t know what is supposed to happen now.

See what happens if all that is required is being you, no “making” yourself do, think, say, or be anything. You may find that life begins to live itself, without all the stressful thinking.

Empty your mind of all thoughts. Let your heart be at peace. Watch the turmoil of beings, but contemplate their return. Each separate being in the universe returns to the common source. Returning to the source is serenity. If you don’t realize the source, you stumble in confusion and sorrow.  When you realize where you come from, you naturally become tolerant, disinterested, amused, kindhearted as a grandmother, dignified as a king. Immersed in the wonder of the Tao, you can deal with whatever life brings you, and when death come, you are ready. Tao Te Ching #16

Don’t worry about not being where you’d like to be, yet. You are a part of all that moves in turmoil and then returns to balance, to the common source of serenity. You are on your way. You are supported.

Love, Grace

Wonderful Teleclass!

“Being anchored in doing The Work with something regular, and hearing other people’s thinking helped me see/feel/hear my own…wonderful!”~ JCN, Australia 

Accepting Where You Are:

“I loved Grace’s sweet facilitations and exercises to find blocks, her accepting presence and how she affirms everyone’s process…” ~ Money, Work and Business teleclass participant

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I Crave It Uncontrollably!

This morning was the first teleclass on Food and Eating. I love the thought
brought to surface to question: “I crave it uncontrollably“.

The feeling of craving anything uncontrollably can be extremely painful
and desperate. Whether a substance, or a person, or money, or for
someone to be with you again who is not longer here.

I’ve thought about craving and all it means many times in my life. Even though
I don’t seem to get overwhelming urges or cravings for much in my life I still
LOVE to look at the amazing sensation called craving. Especially when
people say it’s UNCONTROLLABLE.

As I heard all the group answer the simple question “how do you react
when you believe this thought that you crave something uncontrollably?”
I noticed once again the way so many of us criticize, condemn, blame,
and attack ourselves.

I am the one who craves things uncontrollably, and it’s really terrible.
There’s something wrong with me.

Sometimes I still glimpse the feeling of craving, of wanting with a panic,
an extremely deep ache. I can imagine something like…”if only my father were
still alive” or “if only I had enough money to pay for everyone in my family” or
“if only I had more time”….and what these thoughts might be like if they
grew then it might feel like uncontrollable craving.

Because I found the Work it feels like such a relief to have spent lots of
time questioning these things of life that I wish would get satisfied, the things
I want.

One of the most amazing feelings is the feeling of being with a craving and
studying it, not acting right away. What color is it? Where does it live?
Where did it come from? What is it saying? What am I most afraid of in this
moment? What’s the worst that could happen, if I stay here and if I don’t
do anything to solve this craving?

Pema Chodron says “Most of us do not take these situations as teachings.
We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape
 — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t
stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become
addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.”

See if you really are out of control when you have that craving that seems so big.

Who would you be without that thought that you are out of control, that something
is wrong with you, that your craving is altogether wrong, or that you shouldn’t
have it in the first place?

What if this is a moment where what is happening is that you are meeting your
edge. Maybe it has nothing to do with the thing you’re craving. See if you can sit
still for 30 seconds and see. That may be all it takes to make a discovery.

What if nothing is wrong with you, even when you had a craving?

Posted on

Grateful for Food Obsession

As so many of you know, my relationship with food was the most painful one
in my life, the earliest in my life. At least it seemed like that’s what really ailed me.

It’s the relationship that called me to know something was off with my perception
of life and the world, ultimately nothing really to do with the actual food.

Now, I’m grateful for that experience. It brought me to really understand the
concept of Surrender. I had to look at what I was believing, there was no way
out.

Some of my primary thoughts about living at that time in my twenties were:
this world is a dangerous place, people are dying right and left

  • I can be rejected by anyone, any second of the day
  • I could be hurt randomly, for no apparent reason
  • I am not good enough, courageous enough, wise enough
  • I should NEVER be angry, good people are always kind and “nice”
  • If I’m thin, I’m powerful….if I’m fat, I’m needy
  • If I don’t eat when I’m hungry, if I eat the perfect diet, I’m superior
  • There are “good” foods and there are “bad” foods
  • If I eat the bad foods, or if I am too needy, I should be ashamed
  • What I want is WRONG TERRIBLE HIDEOUS

Jeez, no wonder I was ping-ponging between depression and rage.

Identifying the most painful thoughts is step #1 of the Work. This can be really
hard to do.

Looking at concepts about food, and really, about life, is what we do in the
food and eating class. The power of the group energy is wonderful!

The best, quickest, most powerful and lasting awareness I have consistently
experienced has been in groups. I was lucky enough to find a therapy group
when I was most depressed to start learning new ways to approach life,
to learn not to panic emotionally about things, not be so fearful or angry.

Now, the teleclasses are wonderful collections of people all wanting to
identify their most repetitive stressful beliefs that they live by, and bring them
to light through their own answers.

I love that everyone is their own best teacher. I also love how anyone can do this
work, anyone, even a child.