This morning was the first teleclass on Food and Eating. I love the thought
brought to surface to question: “I crave it uncontrollably“.
The feeling of craving anything uncontrollably can be extremely painful
and desperate. Whether a substance, or a person, or money, or for
someone to be with you again who is not longer here.
I’ve thought about craving and all it means many times in my life. Even though
I don’t seem to get overwhelming urges or cravings for much in my life I still
LOVE to look at the amazing sensation called craving. Especially when
people say it’s UNCONTROLLABLE.
As I heard all the group answer the simple question “how do you react
when you believe this thought that you crave something uncontrollably?”
I noticed once again the way so many of us criticize, condemn, blame,
and attack ourselves.
I am the one who craves things uncontrollably, and it’s really terrible.
There’s something wrong with me.
Sometimes I still glimpse the feeling of craving, of wanting with a panic,
an extremely deep ache. I can imagine something like…”if only my father were
still alive” or “if only I had enough money to pay for everyone in my family” or
“if only I had more time”….and what these thoughts might be like if they
grew then it might feel like uncontrollable craving.
Because I found the Work it feels like such a relief to have spent lots of
time questioning these things of life that I wish would get satisfied, the things
I want.
One of the most amazing feelings is the feeling of being with a craving and
studying it, not acting right away. What color is it? Where does it live?
Where did it come from? What is it saying? What am I most afraid of in this
moment? What’s the worst that could happen, if I stay here and if I don’t
do anything to solve this craving?
Pema Chodron says “Most of us do not take these situations as teachings.
We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape
— all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t
stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become
addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.”
See if you really are out of control when you have that craving that seems so big.
Who would you be without that thought that you are out of control, that something
is wrong with you, that your craving is altogether wrong, or that you shouldn’t
have it in the first place?
What if this is a moment where what is happening is that you are meeting your
edge. Maybe it has nothing to do with the thing you’re craving. See if you can sit
still for 30 seconds and see. That may be all it takes to make a discovery.
What if nothing is wrong with you, even when you had a craving?