Eating Peace: Ending Crazy with eating can happen any moment, even now…and the timing is not really up to you

Sometimes, when you want it to be another way….not the way it is….the sense of discouragement is awful.

I’ll never get there.

I can’t do this.

Nothing ever works.

I’ll be an overeater or a binge-eater forever.

I’ll never be a thin person.

I give up.

But can you really know that it’s true that you aren’t on a path to peace? To liberation?

You’re here, reading this, aren’t you?

Who would you be without the story that this learning process, or un-learning process, is taking too long? Who would you be without your stressful beliefs about yourself, and what a compulsive person you are, or how difficult your mind or your thoughts are to deal with?

Who would you be, right here in this moment, without the belief this situation is never going to be ideal, or over?

Recently an eating peace inquirer was saying she feels she’s made progress with losing her diet mentality (on the wagon, off the wagon type thinking), but wants to lose more weight.

As she continues investigating her thoughts, and even looking very specifically at what she’s eating and what she might tone down or reduce, without deprivation, I know she’ll find new awareness.

At one point in my journey of healing, I remember thinking I would never ever be over this horrible binge-eating problem. But then, as I connected with mentors, went into group therapy, learned to talk with people very honestly, risked being myself very naturally (the best I could at the time) and committed deeply to a life of peace and freedom….

….I noticed I returned again, even after a binge or turmoiled eating, to feeling open to studying what happened, and a willingness to stop being so terrified of change.

I’d also find calm again. I was never at the peak of horrible stuffing in of food all day, every day. Good to notice.

One day, I realized it had been awhile since my last restriction/self-starvation day and my last binge-eating day. The gaps got bigger between episodes, between the stress or isolation.

They got bigger, and wider, and bigger and wider and then one day, I knew I could promise to myself at the deepest level “I will never binge again” and know it was true. Even if I had the urge, or felt fear, I just knew I wouldn’t.

It was nothing like all the previous promises to stay on the diet or control myself or use willpower to force any cravings underground.

This was more like a knowing, a commitment, a depth of certainty that I didn’t have to follow any craving, or act on it, or be so threatened by anything in my life that the only option was to eat.

Watch today as I speak about this idea of being “done” with the obsession, and share a poem I remembered from just about the time of my very last binge (it was written in 1988).

Seattle workshop: Eating Peace rare 3 hour mini-retreat on How to do The Work of Byron Katie on eating, weight, body image and cravings at East West Books in Seattle, March 18th 3-6 pm only $25. Please pre-register here.

 

Much love,

Grace

Eating Peace: Comparing your body to other bodies? Do this, for freedom.

My very first stress when it came to food, eating, weight, body, fitness…..all started with believing I should look better, different, perfect, strong, and fit.

Before that, I was a little nervous about food and eating, and aware as a kid that being overweight wasn’t good according to the world of grown ups….

….but I didn’t really care about having a “good” body until teenage years.

But you can get stuck in that teenage mode of striving for the perfect “look” forever, if you don’t sink deeper into a more honest look at weight, body image, or your looks and what it means.

In this video, I make one suggestion on how to work with comparing your body with some other more perfect body out there in the world, on the TV screen, in the movies, at the gym.

Wouldn’t you rather find acceptance, appreciation and joyful laughter about having a body versus that crazed drive for looking your best?

Watch here to see:

Eating Peace – Distorted Thinking, Distorted Eating

Whenever I start a new program, even if I’ve taught it many times before, I review the whole thing and often make little changes or notes.

Yesterday I was contemplating the way the Mind works when it comes to food and eating troubles as I reviewed the Eating Peace presentations, twelve 90 minute lectures with slides.

Beliefs, thoughts and views of the world sure do affect our lives in a deep way, including the way we eat.

Some of its conscious, some not so much.

The mind is quite remarkable, so busy, full, quick, and often–mistaken!

That Mind.

It’ll get things all twisted up and mixed around so you don’t know what’s up or down anymore.

It’s called making up stories based on past imprints or situations….worrying….anticipation….regret.

In the world of psychology, one term for the way thinking gets whacky when it comes to food (and other stressful stories) is….

….distorted thinking.

I talk today in this video about some of the ways we get distorted thinking when it comes to food….

….and the REAL origin or view of distortion (its not really about food).

I love how food is a reflection of how you feel about life.

Click here to listen, and leave a comment for me on my website, or on youtube after you watch–I love reading your impressions and feedback, and answering your questions.

Lots of peace,

Grace

P.S. Click HERE to read all about Eating Peace, the upcoming Online and Live Telecourse Program from February 22-May 31, 2015. Jam-packed with information and tools for healing the relationship with food, and with life.

Sign up here if you’re ready now (limited to 16, getting full):

undefined full one-time payment
undefined 1st payment for 3-payment plan (now, 3/22 & 4/22)
Once you register, I’ll personally send you all the information you’ll need via email.
Much love,
Grace

Is There Something Wrong With You?

One by one I’ve been interviewing all the participants who took my recent 8 week Eating Peace class.

I LOVE getting feedback.

It’s like we’re engaged in a project together to investigate this common and sometimes agonizing experience when the act of eating feels stressful, NOT peaceful.

And I’m learning how to deliver information in a way that is easiest, most direct, clear, supportive.

In the end, the most important thing is, how can I be of greatest service? What works? What induces or inspires freedom, change, an alternative experience, one that is useful?

Of course, there are no guarantees. No way to apply an exact formula. It’s a process, a practice. It’s an un-doing really, not a doing of anything.

Doing Nothing.

I remember how I used to feel when I would have “episodes”. Code word for frantic binges, eating everything in sight and buying more, stuffing food in like I was trying to hide it, in a panic.

Quick! Emergency!

But not everyone has such extreme anxiety or urgent cravings and actions. Some people will buy one candy bar and gulp it down, or continuously return to the cupboard for more raw cashew butter or vegan brownies, grazing off and on all evening.

Sometimes, people sit down with food while watching television and feel semi-conscious of how much is going in their mouth and down their throats.

But for just about everyone….there is a moment in time later on, after the eating, when they have the thought that they must be sick, crazy, failing, missing something, hopeless, lacking any discipline.

A pretty difficult thought to believe: something must be wrong with me. 

Yeah! Look at the evidence. Extra weight. Isolation. If normal weight, then the evidence is this obsessive eating, this obsessivethinking.

Even if you don’t have an issue with food, or it’s very minor and of fairly little concern, you can find where you might have evidence of the possibility of something being wrong with you.

For some people it’s change, loss. Divorce. Illness. Confusion.

Something must be wrong with you. 

Is that true?

Yes.

Why can’t I stop acting or thinking this way?

Can you really know that it’s true though, like for All Time, that doing this thing or being that way MEANS there is something wrong with you?

For me, when I look back at who I was and how I behaved and how I lived…I can find how nothing was inherently wrong with me.

Something was out of balance. I was afraid. I was in a fog. Something wasn’t clear. It seemed like my best choice at the time.

I was believing some really troubling thoughts, and somehow I needed to eat at the time. Because that was what I did. Everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve got, with what they’re believing, and that includes me. And you.

How did I react when I believed that thought, that something must be wrong with me?

Exhausted. Total despair. A feeling of the lowest energy and like giving up. Sometimes an inner rage, blistering words towards me, towards the whole planet. I’d go off on being in this world sometimes, saying or thinking things like “it’s completely insane!”

For some people, how they react to the thought that something must be wrong with them, is that they eat more, they snap at people, they push, they isolate themselves…..or, they try even harder and put on a fake plastic smile and overwork or take care of others and strive to be better, or take mega workshops.

But who would you be without the thought that the must be something wrong with you?

Especially given what you’ve done?

Realizing that there was something so powerful, important, crucial and fundamental happening in those moments of troubling or shameful behavior, that even if I didn’t understand it all….it was a clue, a gift, of the greatest awareness.

That activity I was doing, that thing I said, that uncomfortable behavior….could that mean that something must be right with me?

What’s a genuine example?

Instead of just going on autopilot that something was wrong, how was it right?

Here’s what I see as right, when I look back: I felt the pain. It helped me move away from the hot stove. I became aware of how terrified I was of other peoples’ anger and my own, and how I’d try to shut it down. I was too afraid of rejection, and didn’t want to ask for help for good reasons. I didn’t know another way, but I began to put energy into whatever it would take. 

I had the mechanism, naturally, that was like a compass telling me which way to go. I could feel it, even if I didn’t consciously grasp it.

And now, years and years later….I also realize that it put me on a trajectory that completely eliminated more minor food obsessy type moments. If I have any criticism of the body, it can barely get any traction.

I do not get involved with the “right” and “wrong” of food. I do not go up and down ten or twenty pounds. I do not have conversations about recipes, I don’t cook because I notice I don’t enjoy it, really, ever (and I don’t oppose it). I am happy with very, very simple food a lot of which turns out to be raw since I dislike cooking. Hilarious.

I have small moments of learning about food, with delight, but it takes just about one tiny percentage of my mental energy.

I have a good friend who also found how something was right with her for her past drinking behavior. She stopped, because it got unmanageable. Non-issue now.

What is right about you for getting divorced, for losing your temper, for being so clingy, for getting sick, for hurting your leg, for losing your job, for feeling like you can’t forgive……

…..for getting a Reality Slap (coined by Russ Harris)?

It waking me up. Eyes wide open awake.

I felt the discord in being a believer of those stressful thoughts.

Yes, something was really right with me. You may find if you even open yourself to this possibility, something inside sparkles.

Not screwed up. Not missing something. Not incapable. Not special. Same as all humans…feeling pain sometimes.

But wait, there’s more.

What if there is no wrong or right with you, nothing to counter or get rid of, nothing to add or find? 

“It is in the absolute surrender of all conditions and requirements that Liberation is discovered to be who and what you are. Then the love and wisdom that flows out of you has a liberating effect on others. The biggest challenge for most spiritual seekers is to surrender their self importance, and see the emptiness of their own personal story. It is your personal story that you need to awaken from in order to be free.To give up being either ignorant or enlightened is the mark of liberation and allows you to treat others as your Self. What I am describing is the birth of true Love.” ~ Adyashanti 

What if There. Is. Nothing. With. You.

Oh, ha ha!

“We all already have everything. We all do. That’s how I can sit here so comfortably.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’re noticing difficulty in your inner world around food and eating, come join the Horrible Food Wonderful Food weekend, the first weekend of April right here in Seattle. Friday night, Saturday and Sunday all day, non-residential. $295.

Please email grace@workwithgrace.com if you have questions. If you want to attend and bring a family member or good friend, the second person is half the fee ($150).

Love, Grace

You Must Not Want It Bad Enough!

Stephen Mitchell, the author and translator of many ancient mystical texts (and married to Byron Katie), writes about non-action in his forward to his translation of the Tao Te Ching: A good athlete can enter a state of body-awareness in which the right stroke or the right movement happens by itself, effortlessly, without any interference of the conscious will.

All of us have this kind of experience in our lives, when things came together without our “trying” to make it happen. We know we want to be “over there”; for example, on a trip to a distant country, at a different point in our career, to change the shape of our body, to stop smoking, to reach peace in a vital relationship, to be on time, to win the competition.

And one day, we are there. Why now?

The thought that I can Do Something and Will myself to go in a certain direction, or will someone else to go in a certain direction, is very difficult to give up, especially if we are the type of person who loves discipline and structure.

Sometimes the sense of a lack of will power is the reason people hire life coaches or health coaches or personal trainers. They say things like “I’m gonna hire that coach so they kick my butt into shape” or “I need some accountability”. There is the person who is the whip-driver and the person who “needs” to get whipped. Power is perceived to be missing from the whippee. Something needs to be done. Things are very serious.

The deal these two people make often assumes that the person getting coached needs to make their will stronger, and to destroy some other loser part of themselves.

  • winners never quit and quitters never win
  • no pain, no gain
  • I’m going to get there, or die trying
  • get MAD!
  • you must not want it bad enough!

Have you noticed that the more you push, cajole, fight, twist, criticize, battle or attack something, the more energy it takes? The more you try to build up power inside yourself using force, the more tired you feel, or more unhappy, or more doubtful, and endlessly dissatisfied?

It does not feel stress-free, peaceful, or fun.

I remember giving up diets forever. They never, ever worked for me anyway. I got as thin as possible and it excellent physical condition, and then there was more effort, and a sense of being imprisoned and having to be alert at all times, cravings and anger at certain foods.

I wanted true freedom. Honest freedom. I wanted to be like I was when I was a child, when I barely remember food. I wanted my natural will, the way it was, to be effortless. I wanted to not have to work on my will power at all, to not think of myself as so lacking.

I had a lot of painful beliefs and thinking to question and Un-Do in order to get back to an uninhibited life around eating and my body. They were base-level core painful beliefs that were not true, like “I am unlovable, my appetite is too big, my feelings are too dramatic, I am greedy.”

Most importantly, I noticed that all of those kinds of thoughts about being fierce, aggressively holding the line, getting mad, or thinking I should be forcing myself to success were the opposite of loving and kind, and not the way I wanted to live.

If I could do it with food and eating, anyone can do it. I took my behavior and thinking to the extreme edges, which helped it all crash and burn. Total surrender. Total loss. Complete failure.

When it is not so serious and you give up fighting, instead of losing, you might find that playing comes alive. Joy, excitement, open to anything. Willing to have a body that does what it does.

“The best athlete wants his opponent at his best. The best general enters the mind of his enemy. The best businessman serves the communal good. The best leader follows the will of the people. All of them embody the virtue of non-competition. Not that they don’t love to compete, but they do it in the spirit of play. In this they are like children and in harmony with the Tao.”~Tao Te Ching #68

I want my aggressive big-appetite self to step out into the open, I want to enter and understand the mind of my obsessive self that gets fixed on things like an addict, I want to be open and supportive to every inch of my amazing body, I want to play with food and eating, explore my cravings, biting into yummy things and then moving on to something else the minute I’m full. In harmony with what is.

My First Bulimic Episode

I was 18 years old and knew I would be attending a small liberal arts college so far away from my family home that it took 26 hours to drive there, or several hours by plane.

I knew the date I would be leaving home, in 3 weeks. Not going to this small academic college would have been an option, I suppose, but a terrible one (in my mind). In our family, people go to college. It means success. My father was a professor, my mother had an advanced degree and spoke fluent Spanish.

It never occurred to me that I might not want to go. People fail who don’t attend college. They work at low-income jobs for the rest of their lives. They don’t meet new friends who are also on a path to success.

I already had several years of practice in not understanding or expressing my own feelings. What I felt, I believed, was not important, and actually, would lead to disaster. My beliefs about Feelings went something like this:

  • people who cry or sob are way too dramatic
  • people who are angry need to control themselves and hold it in
  • “losing” ones temper means you are not mature or patient
  • people with big feelings are childish, disrespectful, and self-centered
  • having anxiety is a sign of weakness
  • people who have “negative” scowls instead of “positive” happy faces will fail in life

Unfortunately, I had already encountered anxiety, anger, irritation, sadness and any other feelings most human beings feel as they live their lives….along with learning what I was supposed to do with them. Which was generally NOT SHOW THEM.

When you have such judgment towards showing feelings….then when you have one, it takes energy to hide it, but you do everything you can to make sure you succeed.

The groundwork was perfectly laid for me to be drawn to use something, anything, to regulate myself.

My parents had a celebration send-off dinner for me in our back yard. Many people were there, although I can’t remember who, now that over 30 years have passed. What I do remember is that there was a ton of delicious homemade food, and I ate. That was the one thing that looked appealing.

I ate, and ate, and ate. It was like I couldn’t stop and it didn’t matter anyway….My first full-blown Binge episode. And then, excusing myself to go up to the bathroom and disengage from the intensity. Horrified at my lack of control. Hearing all the guests voices floating up in the summer air past the open window. Feeling such pain in my stomach and wondering how I could possibly have eaten so much that I was nauseated and my stomach hurt. Desperate. Wanting to sob, wanting help.

That evening, I decided that I would accomplish the task that I had imagined for quite awhile, I would force myself to throw up like the people who ate poison accidentally. I had never heard the word “bulimia”. But that’s what it was called, I later learned.

Thus began a long and interesting journey of having to admit there was a “problem”. Something off. And discovering that my feelings were not only important to understand and express, but that they were the golden key to understanding what I was believing and thinking about myself, the people around me, and about life.

As Byron Katie says, any stress is a “temple bell” waking you up to something. As I’ve said before, my stress was like a set of large cymbals crashing together. During a nap.

“Express yourself completely, then keep quiet. Be like the forces of nature: when it blows, there is only wind; when it rains, there is only rain; when the clouds pass, the sun shines through…..Open yourself to the Tao, then trust your natural responses; and everything will fall into place.”~ Tao Te Ching #23

If feelings are present, don’t futz with them. Don’t fight against them, criticism them, call yourself “out of control” or attack others for having them. But feeling them with respect, curiosity, openness….this is opening to the Tao, no judgment, no resistance. Allowing them, they move, they teach, and the clouds part.

Love, Grace

 

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Click Here to register for any fall class to learn how to do The Work of Byron Katie on these powerful topics in your life.

 

Horrible Food Wonderful Food – Tuesdays, Sept 18-Nov 13, 2012, 8:15-9:45 am Pacific (no class 10/30)

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven – Saturdays, Sept 22-Nov 17, 2012 8 – 9:30 am PT (no class 10/27) 

Our Wonderful Sexuality – Fridays, Sept 21-Nov 16, 2012 10-11:30 am PT (class one time on Thursday 10/25, no class 11/2)

Money, Work and Business – Thursdays, Sept 27- Nov 15, 2012, 8-9:30 am Pacific Time (no class 11/1) 

 

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Grace Bell, MA, Certified Counselor WA

Certified Facilitator of the Work of Byron Katie
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Go Towards The Dark

The study of Addiction; how it happens, what we mean by it, how we know we’re addicted, and how to find peace beyond it, is an interest humanity has had for centuries.

At a basic level, Addiction can be defined as a compulsive urge to escape the present moment, to escape feelings that rise.

A wonderful author and psychologist who has worked with people recovering from addiction for 30 years, Frederick Woolverton, describes any addictive process, no matter what the substance or activity, as an attempt to avoid internal darkness.

I remember Adyashanti saying at a retreat once that we’re all addicted to our thinking, we are all Addicts. We’re all addicted to distracting ourselves, forgetting about ourselves for awhile. To getting away from that pesky dark, emptiness we notice.

OH DEAR. Does this mean I have to go towards the darkness? Like, not AVOID it? But. That’s scary.

In our Horrible Food Wonderful Food teleclass this week a thoughtful participant offered the troubling concept “I need to control my emotions”.

I used to live with this belief under the surface of every interaction I had with others; going to work, studying, being with my parents, talking with friends.

All would be fine if my emotions were in check, if I didn’t actually feel anything dramatic, powerful, intense…if I didn’t feel scared, angry or sad. Then life was easy. Things were peaceful, simple, pleasant, fun or exciting.

But OH NO if I felt any fear over about a 2 on a scale of 0-10, or any sadness over a 4 on that same scale, or any anger more than a 1 on the scale of 0-10….then the need for a substance to help stop the feeling would come along. I couldn’t seem to close off the feeling on my own. “I need to control my emotions…I need to shut this down.”

How did I control my emotions? Why, by eating of course. Stuffing, shoving, cramming food in with a vengeance, with a force that was VERY ANGRY. I would also smoke cigarettes, having a quiet moment with them instead of actually expressing my deepest feelings to a human.

Drinking alcohol also served a purposed in changing feelings and thoughts. It would derail sadness and fear, kind of like switching theaters in the middle of an intense and troubling movie.

The problem is, while it appeared that I was doing everything I possibly could to control my emotions, they would pop up like geysers at Yellowstone. I’d run to plug up the fountain of emotion spewing out, only to have a new one pop up the next day 100 yards away.

It was a lot of work to avoid feeling big feelings, to avoid internal darkness.

Fortunately, the addictive process offers an unsatisfying and temporary solution. It also has really painful side effects….like horrible physical sickness or spending lots of money. There is no lasting peace whatsoever. It makes people wake up to wanting another way to live.

I found that through exploration and study of this amazing process of addiction, of giving myself a break from the attempt to control what was inside of me all the time, to be willing to stick with the internal darkness that haunted me, and to speak honestly to other people about it….the addictive processes stopped.

The good news is that just a drop of Willingness to be aware of what is happening inside of you, of being open to it instead of afraid of it, puts you on the path towards ending the annoying cycle of glimpsing darkness and trying to run away from it.

“Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain…you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain.”~ Eckhart Tolle

It can feel really difficult at first, when the addictive process you’re in doesn’t actually work anymore. When you stop using the substance or pattern, you may feel panicky or raw, or super-hyper sensitive. Your pain may now be sitting there totally exposed.

You may decide to look at the opposite to the concepts you’ve had before about your emotions. “I need to stop controlling my emotions, I need to feel everything, I need to share what I’m feeling authentically, I need to face my greatest pain…”

You may have to trust others who have gone before you….even if they’re saying “Go Towards The Dark!”  

It’s worth it.

Love, Grace

 

Click Here to register for any fall class.

 

Horrible Food Wonderful Food – Tuesdays, Sept 18-Nov 13, 2012, 8:15-9:45 am Pacific (no class 10/30)

Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven – Saturdays, Sept 22-Nov 17, 2012 8 – 9:30 am PT (no class 10/27) 

Our Wonderful Sexuality – Fridays, Sept 21-Nov 16, 2012 10-11:30 am PT (class one time on Thursday 10/25, no class 11/2)

Money, Work and Business – Thursdays, Sept 27- Nov 15, 2012, 8-9:30 am Pacific Time (no class 11/1)

I Crave It Uncontrollably!

This morning was the first teleclass on Food and Eating. I love the thought
brought to surface to question: “I crave it uncontrollably“.

The feeling of craving anything uncontrollably can be extremely painful
and desperate. Whether a substance, or a person, or money, or for
someone to be with you again who is not longer here.

I’ve thought about craving and all it means many times in my life. Even though
I don’t seem to get overwhelming urges or cravings for much in my life I still
LOVE to look at the amazing sensation called craving. Especially when
people say it’s UNCONTROLLABLE.

As I heard all the group answer the simple question “how do you react
when you believe this thought that you crave something uncontrollably?”
I noticed once again the way so many of us criticize, condemn, blame,
and attack ourselves.

I am the one who craves things uncontrollably, and it’s really terrible.
There’s something wrong with me.

Sometimes I still glimpse the feeling of craving, of wanting with a panic,
an extremely deep ache. I can imagine something like…”if only my father were
still alive” or “if only I had enough money to pay for everyone in my family” or
“if only I had more time”….and what these thoughts might be like if they
grew then it might feel like uncontrollable craving.

Because I found the Work it feels like such a relief to have spent lots of
time questioning these things of life that I wish would get satisfied, the things
I want.

One of the most amazing feelings is the feeling of being with a craving and
studying it, not acting right away. What color is it? Where does it live?
Where did it come from? What is it saying? What am I most afraid of in this
moment? What’s the worst that could happen, if I stay here and if I don’t
do anything to solve this craving?

Pema Chodron says “Most of us do not take these situations as teachings.
We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape
 — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t
stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, and we become
addicted to whatever it is that seems to ease the pain.”

See if you really are out of control when you have that craving that seems so big.

Who would you be without that thought that you are out of control, that something
is wrong with you, that your craving is altogether wrong, or that you shouldn’t
have it in the first place?

What if this is a moment where what is happening is that you are meeting your
edge. Maybe it has nothing to do with the thing you’re craving. See if you can sit
still for 30 seconds and see. That may be all it takes to make a discovery.

What if nothing is wrong with you, even when you had a craving?

Grateful for Food Obsession

As so many of you know, my relationship with food was the most painful one
in my life, the earliest in my life. At least it seemed like that’s what really ailed me.

It’s the relationship that called me to know something was off with my perception
of life and the world, ultimately nothing really to do with the actual food.

Now, I’m grateful for that experience. It brought me to really understand the
concept of Surrender. I had to look at what I was believing, there was no way
out.

Some of my primary thoughts about living at that time in my twenties were:
this world is a dangerous place, people are dying right and left

  • I can be rejected by anyone, any second of the day
  • I could be hurt randomly, for no apparent reason
  • I am not good enough, courageous enough, wise enough
  • I should NEVER be angry, good people are always kind and “nice”
  • If I’m thin, I’m powerful….if I’m fat, I’m needy
  • If I don’t eat when I’m hungry, if I eat the perfect diet, I’m superior
  • There are “good” foods and there are “bad” foods
  • If I eat the bad foods, or if I am too needy, I should be ashamed
  • What I want is WRONG TERRIBLE HIDEOUS

Jeez, no wonder I was ping-ponging between depression and rage.

Identifying the most painful thoughts is step #1 of the Work. This can be really
hard to do.

Looking at concepts about food, and really, about life, is what we do in the
food and eating class. The power of the group energy is wonderful!

The best, quickest, most powerful and lasting awareness I have consistently
experienced has been in groups. I was lucky enough to find a therapy group
when I was most depressed to start learning new ways to approach life,
to learn not to panic emotionally about things, not be so fearful or angry.

Now, the teleclasses are wonderful collections of people all wanting to
identify their most repetitive stressful beliefs that they live by, and bring them
to light through their own answers.

I love that everyone is their own best teacher. I also love how anyone can do this
work, anyone, even a child.

Tornado Sirens or Temple Bells

This past week I worked with two clients who felt very, very discouraged after having the experience of an episode called “binge-eating”.

I remember it well, like it was yesterday even though the last “binge” episode I had was many years ago, compulsively overeating food, absolutely stuffing myself until my stomach hurt, feeling like I couldn’t stop or wouldn’t stop until I was in extreme pain, like something was taking over me, almost another personality!

In that state of mind, there were no obligations, no future, all rules broken, no control, no care for consequences, surrender to the craving.

What exactly is this thing called a Binge? The dictionary defines it as an uncontrolled period of excessive self-indulgence, immoderate, unrestrained. Humans go on spending sprees, gambling binges, eating orgies, crying jags!

It’s like we’re ON these things, as if they are a trip. A train is running and it feels like we can’t get off.

I find that there’s a really interesting flip-flop between being in control and out of control, and people with different kinds of personalities gravitate towards the two sides more or less. And some of us bouncing between both sides.

In control looks careful, regimented, disciplined. It gathers information and data, really uses the thinking mind. I used to live in this place when I was not bingeing. Reading, collecting, analyzing. It felt very mental. I couldn’t get enough information, go to enough workshops, or ponder the meaning of my life and my problems ENOUGH.

Then there would be the state of FEELINGS breaking through and what felt most dominant would be anger, grief, fear, anxiety….some kinds of very intense feelings that seemed overwhelming, serious, and so powerful. Unplanned, unexpected and sometimes very extreme behavior would become the dominant experience in this dramatic place.

But both experiences are reactions to stories. The stories are simple. They go something like this:

  • This could be better, things could be better, I could be better
  • This moment is not perfect, I am not perfect, my body is not perfect
  • Who is God? What’s going on? I NEED to KNOW!
  • My feelings are not perfect, I am angry, scared, sad.
  • I am not complete as is. I need a partner, more money, happiness, a better body, a better mind, more fun, more knowledge, success.
  • Death is terrible
  • Life is boring
  • I’m not good enough

When you can hold still and not react to things like they are an emergency to which need to be figured out, then you can see what’s on your list of stressful beliefs.

The fantastic news is that the more I have found out that what I believed is not actually true for me afterall, the more calm and peaceful I feel. Sometimes it’s pretty stormy inside my mind, but it never works its way up into a frenzy of a binge.

No controlling anything, no being on plans, budgets, rations. No flipping out and going wild as if escaping from a jail.

Byron Katie says that when we feel stress, we’re actually believing something that isn’t really true for us. Which means, when we really get down to it and look…we already know it’s not true. The stressful moment or feeling is the little temple bell ringing, a wake-up call.

OK, OK, tornado sirens for some of us!

It’s just saying “Woah, you’re really believing a story here. This story hurts. You’re forgetting that it’s a story, and that it isn’t true”. Like a little kid believing there is something terrible in the closet.

The next Horrible Food Wonderful Food class starts the first week of April. A great place for first identifying what you’re actually believing about food, eating, your body, and then questioning these thoughts.

Love, Grace