What do you do if you’re anxious, concerned, or troubled about what MIGHT happen in the future?
If the FUTURE is the thing stressing you out, how do you do The Work, or inquire, on that imaginary circumstance?
Someone asked me to write about this the other day.
Great question.
My first response is to chuckle a little….
….because that imaginary future scene we’re so afraid of feels like TOTAL imagination and making up a worrisome story, right?
Except, these memories or situations from the past….they’re also filled with imagination.
You might think….no.
That can’t be true.
In the past, this terrible horrible thing really did happen. I know it. I was there!
Doing The Work isn’t about denial, or saying something actually did not occur, because that would be weird or a bit crazy.
Throughout life, to make matters worse, we learn about tough things happening to other people….and it’s natural to conclude that if bad things happen to people in this world, THEY’LL HAPPEN AGAIN!
And maybe to ME!
HHHEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!
With the logical mind, you’d almost be bonkers NOT to conclude this.
But what I love about The Work is, we’re entering the mind, thoughts, imagination, thinking, visualizing and wondering what’s really true….
….and feeling what it would be like without believing our thoughts.
So let’s do a little exploration of Future Worries today and inquire.
Picture one of those upsetting things happening to you in the future.
If you really want to go for it, you can picture The Worst That Could Ever Happen.
I know this idea is intense.
You might want to do it in a group, or with a facilitator, and make sure you have support–you do anyway, no matter what, but having people with you can help.
(Just remember, it’s all in the mind, you are actually safe even if you think of horrible things).
I did this work myself.
The worst thing I could ever imagine happening was my kids dying suddenly.
It made me feel nauseated and I’d shout “DON’T THINK ABOUT THAT!” at myself.
I remember how vividly I considered this loss right after my first child was born.
My son, lying in his tiny car seat, seemed too delicate to even place in a car. I suddenly felt like I should never ever leave the house. Ever.
I was stunned with what I had just done. I had given birth and created such an intense tie with this human life, it dawned on me I could lose it.
I WOULD lose it, one day.
We were in separate bodies now (unlike pregnancy), and one of us would move on out of a body, who knew when, into this thing called “death” and the other “left behind” for awhile longer. That’s the only thing that could be known. No timing of it, no order of it, nothing else could ever be known about this process of traveling through this temporary life. My child might die before me, or me before child.
Only one thing was for certain. We both would eventually die.
So I sat with this imaginary horror show experience. Both my children dying.
Let’s do The Work.
Is your terrible vision something you are sure you couldn’t handle?
Are you positive it would be impossible to go on clearly, if it did?
Can you find, even a teensy eensy speck, of acceptance that these things do happen in reality, and life does indeed go on, and people not only survive but thrive sometimes?
Are you sure it’s true what you think about such difficulties isactually true?
Are you certain it’s as horrible as you think in this moment right now?
Byron Katie used to have a question she’d ask from time to time. It’s pretty blunt, and might sound kind of harsh.
And yet, I find very worthy of deep consideration.
“Who needs God, when we have your opinion?”
Gulp.
Even if you don’t like the word “God” you can substitute “Reality” or “Life” or “What Is”.
You mean….I might be….wrong? Or have one tiny perspective here that’s not the whole entire picture?
Oh. Right.
I notice, even if I don’t like something, or am terrified of death, hardship, separation, whatever….these events exist.
Could I look at them differently?
Who would you be without the belief that this vision you have, that’s pretty worrisome or devastating to think about….is bad, terrible, not handle-able, total destruction, evil or wrong?
Again, you aren’t denying the heart-breaking experience of loss, and change, and the feelings that pour out of it.
In fact, I learned of someone today, who I don’t know personally, whose son and 11 month old grandson were killed by a drunk driver one week ago.
I burst into tears.
But without the thought that this should never happen, or that nothing ever good comes out of it…..
…..without feeling terror of it, or against it, what might this be like?
You know when you go to the movies, and you see a very sad event occur, and you’re filled with sadness or fear? You might even cry in the movie theater.
Then the movie ends, and you wipe your eyes and ponder. Maybe you even sit quietly for awhile, in silence.
You’re aware that something deep has moved in you, and it’s moved through you because you felt.
You also know, it’s not real.
It was just a story.
Stories seem to happen in the human condition. Every kind of story you ever dreamed of (or had a nightmare about) happens in the human condition.
Everything.
But who are you, right now, without knowing exactly WHY anything happens or even needing to know?
Who would you be if you could relax in the presence of suffering, and hard stories, and the mind imagining all kinds of troubling things whether past or future?
What do you notice is here, besides “thinking”?
Even if you have visions of the apocalypse….what do you notice is here, now, holding all these stories and surrounding these difficult visions?
“Love can take everything into itself and remain complete – it can take in heartbreak, pain, fear, anger, sadness, total devastation. It can be crucified over and over again, and still remain whole. It knows no opposite, no enemy, no other. Only itself. Eternally, timelessly, Now.” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance
Now….here’s the interesting part.
Turn your thoughts around about that possible scene making you anxious about the future.
Could anything interesting, or good, or beneficial, or helpful come out of that vision that scares or repulses you?
Has anything OK come out of that kind of thing ever before in the history of humanity?
As I do this work again today, I’m brought back to my nightmare vision of my kids dying.
What would be OK about it, or what might happen after that happens, or is there anything at all I can think of that would be acceptable about my nightmare?
What I thought about at the time was hard, but miraculous that I could find even one thing. I found three.
- I wouldn’t have to worry about making enough money to support them, feed them, pay for college–I was financially in ruins later on in life and horrified I couldn’t buy them clothes, school supplies, or music lessons.
- I could move anywhere I wanted in the entire world.
- They would never have to suffer through losing me, or their dad, or just about anyone in their lives.
If you can’t find any examples, let it sit there.
Notice in the world what has happened when the thing you’re afraid of has occurred in someone else’s life.
“I just met my thinking with a little understanding. I no longer saw it as an enemy that needed to die, go away, be–what was the term we used?–let go of it. Why would I let go of one of my children? Does that make sense? Our thoughts are our children. Why would we want to banish them? Why can’t we just join with them? And that’s what this Work does: it meets every concept with understanding.” ~ Byron Katie in Who Would You Be Without Your Story
Much love, Grace
P.S. If you want to question your wants about the future that appear favorable….the ones you cross your fingers for, pray for, hope for, come inquire and open to peace, now. Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295.
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