Category: The Work of Byron Katie

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Asking Is Fun When You Don’t Expect Anything

I could take one last person in the Money Beliefs class that starts tonight….write grace@workwithgrace.com if you’re interested. We meet on the phone or skype 5:15-6:45 pm Pacific Time for 8 weeks.

We’ll question painful concepts about money and what we do with it…work, business, buying, spending, wealth, poverty, needing, marketing.

And speaking of marketing….

Wait! Before you think that “marketing” doesn’t apply to you in any way, shape, or form because you’re not someone in business…

….I’ve had an incredible time inquiring into my thoughts about marketing (making announcements, making an offer) and absolutely everything that I think it means when someone else is doing it, or when I myself am doing it.

Asking for something we want, or saying no, or negotiating a trade is more common than you may think, off the top of your head.

What I mean by marketing in this context is that fascinating space of being in this world, apparently in a body, and being sparked to make trades….to ask someone for something, to respond to someone who is asking you for something, to have expectations, to have something satisfied, to offer something, to make an exchange.

A trade in the most broad sense of the word….I give you this, you give me that.

If it’s a good trade, we are both happy and more excited than we were before (that’s the goal at least, so we think).

But oh boy, when the trade is NOT so good…it can really hurt….if you’re believing your stressful thoughts.

This arena of making a trade is the action connected to acquiring something…..anything.

For example, I feel hungry, I go to the market and buy some food, taking money with me to trade for it.

These kinds of trades are fairly simple (although they do raise some really interesting stressful thoughts inside people sometimes)….and they often have to do directly with money being moved from one person to another, in exchange for a service or a thing.

But there are also fascinating parts of all these trades that are made around emotional contact between people.

  • I give you attention, emotional support, appreciation….you give me encouragement, a place to live, and love.
  • He gives her entertainment, fancy clothes, exotic and expensive experiences…she gives him physical touch, taking care of his physical environment, house cleaning.
  • She gives her parents company, conversation, respect…they give their daughter success pep talks, college tuition, encouragement.
  • She gives him hope, acceptance, freedom from loneliness, witty jokes….he gives her praise, adoration, gifts.
  • He gives his friend fun, playfulness, intimacy….the friend gives him availability, empathy, an easy-going “yes” to all his ideas.
  • I do good deeds and behave well and kindly….God gives me favorable circumstances in life.

You may have noticed by now that these trades, while constantly occurring between people, are a bit tricky.

And kind of gross if their spiked with neediness, desperation, volatility, or intense expectation.

There is no peace in some of these trades. People feel trapped in the deal. Unable to move on, unable to enjoy staying.

They’re getting what they want sort of, they’re trading what they’re willing to trade, sort of.

When stress arises in your beliefs about what you give and what you receive between YOU and SOMEONE ELSE, and something is off for you (or the other person) then it is a great time to look at what that other person is offering that bugs you, or what you think you are offering that has a cost, and investigate:

  • he should pay the bills, since I give so much love
  • she should be supportive of my new career
  • he should stop promoting himself, I already said NO
  • she should not have gotten angry when I made a request
  • my encouragement should help him change
  • they expect too much of me
  • I need her to be solvent so I can feel secure
  • I can’t change my mind because I made a vow
  • if I stop giving *approval, appreciation, attention* then I’ll be out on the street, and my situation will be worse
  • I must be doing something wrong

Holy Moly…its amazing how many of us humans will stick with a deal we’ve got going because if we protest or say we don’t want to make that deal anymore….we’ll be criticized, guilty, banished, regretful, alone.

I see how I’ve reacted when I think I’ve done my part, I believe that other person should do their part….and they don’t. Or vice versa.

Outrage! Fear! Confusion! Disappointment! Tired.

This whole trade would be waaaaaaay better if that person did a better job at their part.

Or maybe its me, and I should be doing a better job at my part.

“We always want someone else to change so that we will feel good. But has it ever struck you that even if your wife changes or your husband changes, what does that do to you? You’re just as vulnerable as before; you’re just as idiotic as before; you’re just as asleep as before. You are the one who needs to change, who needs to take medicine.” ~ Anthony De Mello

Making trades are natural to humans, and can be really fun.

And when they are not fun, it may be time to do The Work and find out what you’re expecting from that other person, what you think you’ll lose if you stop making a trade with them.

It may be time to see what you’re believing about Reality, what you think it should be giving you that it’s not giving you.

Or maybe how you think you should improve, that you should become a better person so that life will work better.

I look at the turnarounds to all I have believed, as I question my assumptions:

  • I should pay the bills, and give love to myself
  • I should be supportive of my new career
  • he should promote himself as long as he does, I can give a truly loving and simple no and it can be heard
  • I should not have gotten angry when she made a request
  • my encouragement should help me change
  • they expect just the right amount from me
  • I need me to be solvent so I can feel secure
  • I can change my mind, my vow is to peace
  • if I stop giving *approval, appreciation, attention* then my situation will be better
  • I must be doing something right

“How do you react when you think you need people’s love? Do you become a slave for their approval? Do you live an inauthentic life because you can’t bear the thought that they might disapprove of you? Do you try to figure out how they would like you to be, and then try to become that, like a chameleon? In fact, you never really get their love. You turn into someone you aren’t, and then when they say ‘I love you,’ you can’t believe it, because they’re loving a facade.” ~ Byron Katie

As I do The Work over time, and question expectations, what I think others should give, what I think I should give them, what happens when I announce or ask for something, what I believe would be best….

….the world becomes so much lighter, relationships easier and easier, the future less and less important.

Asking, receiving, attracting, offering, creating, trading….everything becomes easier, and tons more fun, in the present moment.

“The Master’s power is like this. He lets all things come and go effortlessly, without desire. He never expects results; thus he is never disappointed. He is never disappointed; thus his spirit never grows old.” ~ Tao Te Ching #55

Love, Grace 

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I Need To Look Good

Yesterday in our One Year of Inquiry Telegroup everyone looked at the stressful belief “I Need To Look Good.” 

As I sat with these thoughtful inquirers, all investigating situations in which needing to look good might bring about stressful feelings, I was suddenly stunned by how far this thought reaches…touching on so many relationships and experiences.

When needing to look good is stressful, it can be excruciating and paralyzing, or provoke just a wee bit of anxiety.

But in any case, NOT looking good is dangerous. That’s the belief, that’s what the mind is shouting.

Look Good! Do The Right Thing! There Are People Watching! Careful!!

I could see places in which I felt it crucial that others perceive me well. And it had never occurred to me that maybe it was not important at all.

My dictator mind will formulate the need to look good like this:

  • I need the students to see me as capable, personable, and intuitive….if they don’t, there will be chaos, they will complain, they’ll think I’m worthless, they will replace me
  • I need the children to see me as a wise, loving, and strong leader…if they don’t, they will be lost, frightened, insecure and dislike being with me
  • I need that organization to see me as supportive, vital and creative…if they don’t they will fire me, they will dismiss me, they will ignore me
  • I need that man to see me as kind, intelligent and attractive….if he doesn’t, he’ll get interested in a different woman, he’ll leave, he’ll abandon me
  • I need that woman to see me as honest, full of integrity, accepting…if she doesn’t, she will disgrace me, criticize me, betray me
  • I need those friends to see me as real, caring, and fun….if they don’t, they will forget about me, give up on me, think of me as unimportant
  • I need the world to think well of me, to think I’m worthy, spiritual, safe, attentive….if they don’t bad things will happen: rejection, abandonment, attack, hurt, separation, loneliness.

It is amazing how deeply we can go into Other Peoples’ Business. In other words, as Byron Katie puts it, we become very concerned with what other people are thinking of us.

Amazing to sit with this incredible, fourth question of The Work: Who would you be without the thought, that you need to look good?

Without the thought that I need to look good, that I need to clean up my presentation, that I need to be great on stage, that I need to be thought of as kind but firm, that I need to be clear, powerful, graceful, creative, secure, wise, loving, special, pretty, fascinating….

….Wow. It is so unusual to consider not having this thought and what that would be like, it’s almost unimaginable.

Not care at all what I looked like? Not care at all what other people thought? Ever? Not believing that there is anything to risk? No worry about appearing BAD?

That is freedom beyond belief. Totally and completely untethered. Empty and mysterious.

It stops time.

Sitting without this thought goes far beyond where I thought it would go.

Suddenly, I became aware of how, without believing I have to look “good” (whatever I am thinking good is) then there is no future…because there is no planning for what could happen and how to prevent it, no stressful concern for how I’m being perceived.

The entire body relaxes. Open to whatever comes.

All I have to attend to is all the reality around me, this thing apparently called me, this energy that is unbounded and actually doesn’t even need to be a “me” and yet seems to be here, pulsing with life.

The turnaround comes alive…”I do not need to look good to others”.

Not only do I not need this, as I notice the love that is present in the core of myself looking outward, I even realize that all in this instant, I actually need to look bad (if I do). 

Those moments of looking bad to someone else, to a group, to others….as someone said this morning in our telegroup out loud….”didn’t every single one of those times I was perceived as looking bad teach me something incredible?”

“In many ways we were drugged when we were young. We were brought up to need people. For what? For acceptance, approval, appreciation, applause—for what they called success…..An attachment is a belief that without something you are not going to be happy. ‘How could I be happy unless I have good health?’ you say. But I’ll tell you something. I have met people dying of cancer who were happy.” ~ Anthony De Mello

You may think the thought, “How will I ever be happy, or be motivated to do a good job, or be successful…unless I believe I need to look good? I’ll go around looking bad right and left, and fail, say stupid things, lose, be disliked…”

Are you sure that is true?

I notice how beautiful the world looks, how safe and intriguing and full of wonder…amazed at the next minute, and the next, without the thought that I have to look like anything.

Without the thought that it is TERRIBLE if someone thinks of me as worthless, incapable, weak, hateful, a poor leader, uncaring, boring, dishonest, stupid, ugly, unsupportive….it is not a brushed off I-Don’t-Care defiant freedom….it is a deep, open, expansive freedom, full of all the feelings, full of joy.

Everyone allowed to think whatever they think, without me getting involved.

“Don’t look for it outside yourself. You are the source of milk. Don’t milk others! There is a milk fountain inside you. Don’t walk around with an empty bucket. You have a channel into the ocean, and yet you ask for water from a little pool. Beg for that love expansion. Meditate only on THAT. The Qur’an says, And He is with you.” ~ Rumi

How would you live your life today, driving your car, walking down the street, at the gym, buying groceries, going to work….without the thought that you ever needed to be better, look good, or generate positive feelings in anyone else at any point in time so far in your life, including now?

Love, Grace

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Shopping Is Stressful! Investigating Money Beliefs

This past weekend I had a few stressful beliefs about Money. It made me very happy to know I am about to embark on the 8 week journey of investigation of beliefs about money, work, earning, spending with everyone who is participating.

There I was standing in a big store, looking at barbecues, thinking of buying one for my husband for our anniversary. There were small ones, medium sized ones, various brands, huge ones.

In many places there were signs that said “SALE!!”

Now, normally, I am not a big gift-giving person…not with material items, things, stuff you can hold in your hand.

It’s not that I don’t like buying and giving gifts…it just doesn’t occur to me. I know that’s very weird to hear for those of you who do like giving gifts.

I suppose I am more of a person who gives experiences and receives these as well, than actual “items”. I like very clean surfaces, smaller spaces, small amounts of stuff.

Lots of people are amazing at listening to what people want or desire, and selecting the perfect items.

I have to have something repeatedly mentioned….like my husband and I both noticing that it might be nice to BBQ food over the past five years….before I catch on.

Oh, I could actually acquire this thing, by going to a store and buying it.

I am not a cook, either. So I had no idea how much BBQs cost or that there were fifty thousand types and brands.

It was a little overwhelming. I started thinking it wasn’t a good idea after all.

Funny, my mind went from excitement about actually getting someone I care about a gift, to having the feeling “nevermind” after hunting for it.

Then I had another more unexpected expense arise, I did some banking online, and I thought even more….NEVERMIND.

  • We’ve gotten along without a BBQ for many years, why bother now?
  • I won’t use it enough, and I already have a stove in the house
  • I’ll have to clean it
  • there are other things to spend money on that will be more satisfying
  • I need to save when I can
  • I have no idea what my income will be next month, how many people in classes or individual sessions
  • better be careful
  • don’t ever want to regret purchasing something or be in that barely-making-it position again!
  • don’t buy anything unless it’s an absolute necessity! Run for your life out of the store! I hate shopping!!!

Later on, I was at home again. With no gift. And worried about my finances. On a Sunday evening.

Uh oh. Time to do The Work.

Time for a little mind surgery.

 

I sat down and wrote out my feelings, my thoughts, my perspective, from the most petty, childish, worried, innocent little point of view.

I used my computer, I wrote like a crazed person, many paragraphs, letting it spill out.

Then I had it all in text, and I could begin….

An hour later, after sitting quietly with myself and listening to my own mind, I felt lighter, more sparkly, relieved, and laughing at myself.

I’ll share with you the thoughts I questioned in tomorrow’s Grace Note, since I’m “late” getting this one out today.

But the most important thing for now is knowing what a gift it can be to give yourself the time of investigating your really stressful thoughts about money, work, earning, income, outflow.

I questioned my thinking and my experience changed, right in the same day. The feeling in my body relaxed, my mind relaxed.

I felt amused.

Before The Work….anxious, annoyed, frowning, tired, thinking about dollars and accounts and debits and credits.

After The Work….eyes wide open, gentle with myself, grateful, laughing with my husband.

“If you want to accord with the Tao, just do your job, then let go.” ~ Tao Te Ching #24

Love, Grace

P.S. Two spaces left in the Money class which starts on Thursday.

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Getting Personal–Questioning Beliefs About Sexuality

I have heard from so many people about their reflections on their relationship with money. Thank you all for writing and sharing with me, seriously. It’s fascinating!

What about that other pesky topic that is unmentionable, when it really gets down to sharing the “facts”.

Sexuality, lovers, being physical, touch, making contact with other humans, attraction.

When I was single for several years after a 16 year marriage, it was the weirdest thing to suddenly become aware of all the fears, worries, doubts, misunderstandings, desires, wants, panic and confusion around attraction, dating, expectations, saying yes or saying no to others.

The whole entire arena of sexuality appeared unsafe, and rather dramatic.

Attraction isn’t to be trusted! Bad things happen…just look at Romeo and Juliet, Helena of Troy, Bill Clinton, relationships ending or changing forever. People killing themselves over all this!

People go nuts, they lose their minds, they make stupid decisions, they get irrational, they get addicted to pleasure.

I was one of them.

Even though it felt really difficult, I began to find great wonder in investigation of any belief that appeared that was uncomfortable around pleasure, attraction, interest, noticing others, and communicating with people to tell them what I was thinking.

I discovered that there were some very painful beliefs I held from my far distant past, learned in childhood, about sexuality. Beliefs agreed upon in my culture.

I had never bothered to question them.

All I knew before inquiry is that I felt really nervous in romantic encounters, not very grounded, worried about taking care of myself, worried about the other person and their intentions or lack of intentions.

One of the simplest but most uncomfortable set of thoughts that I had was “this is right, and that is wrong.” 

There was a list for both sides.

Here is when being sexual is right…and over here is when being sexual is wrong. Lots of people agree on the lists, depending on where you live or what your cultural conditioning has been.

It seemed at the time that I believed practically 100% that relationships, attraction and sexuality and what these offered were fun, but also danger zones because people (and I) could do something on the “wrong” list….and then someone would be hurt!

It’s true, it’s true! People get so hurt! People cry, gnash their teeth, feel unrequited love, feel obsessive, feel rejected, lose their rational mind, are full of wanting, regret, grabby, demanding, despairing!

I did The Work on men, dating, sex, attraction, stalking, desiring, saying yes, saying no.

I did The Work on the worst situations I had ever heard about, whatever caused me internal sadness or pain or fear; violence connected with sex, children being abused, pornography, hyper-sexuality, insatiable people, addictive sexuality, neediness, religious control around sexuality.

I noticed that many of the stories I had heard, the things people warned about, or the actual events I had encountered, shaped my life as a sexual being….without even knowing it.

Question Four in The Work during self-inquiry is: Who would you be without this thought? Who would you be without your story, in this situation?

When I answered this question in The Work on sexual behavior and beliefs, I felt the unknown mystery, emptiness.

No rules, no dogma, no right, no wrong.

A slowness, a caring. No compulsive urge. No neediness. No demanding. People could come or go, be attracted or not, say yes or say no.

When I answered who I would be, as a dating woman interested in men, without my stories about wrong and right…I didn’t shut down, get so scared.

I didn’t know the answers, and I trusted my internal NO or YES much quicker.

More freedom, more curiosity.

More awareness of something entirely beyond the human body, beyond sensual pleasure, or feelings.

“As long as the conditioned mind operates and you are completely identified with it, there’s no true love. There may be substitutes, things that are called “love” but are not true love…..The important thing is that true love emanates from the timeless, non-formal dimension of who you are…….complete identification with form is ego.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Finding out what you really believe in any given moment or situation with someone….about sexual contact, attraction, feelings, desire….and then inquiring into these troubling or opposing beliefs, can make the world a most amazing, interesting place.

It calmed down my feelings of intensity, relaxed thoughts that said “I have to!” or “he should!”

Everything became much softer, and yet, for me, more sweet and powerful all at once.

But wait!

Back to the drama! I must have a big theatrical wild sensational orgasmic feelings! There must be roller coasters and chaos and desperation and an exciting story!

Not.

Back to self-inquiry, back to investigation, to understanding, to forgiveness, awareness.

Sexuality, like all other areas of inquiry, has been like a pendulum swinging.

At first, very wide big far-reaching swings, believing my thoughts, having a hissy fit reaction to what people did or said.

And then the more inquiry, the less the pendulum swings. The more relaxation.

“Freedom is not necessarily exciting; it’s just free. Very peaceful and quiet, so very quiet. Of course, it is also filled with joy and wonder, but it is not what you imagine. It is much, much less.” ~ Adyashanti 

If you notice stressful beliefs about dating, your lover(s), your spouse, expectations around sexuality, physical touch….whether you are single and alone, or partnered for many years…and you want focused time to identify your beliefs and question them, then join us on Fridays, starting next week.

We make a sacred, honorable, confidential space to write our judgments down and take them to inquiry, all via teleconference calls.

Just audio, not video. Freedom to speak what you think, and inquire.

Who would you be without your story that sexuality or attraction, or what happend to you in the past, or the dangers of sexuality, or lackof sexuality, is a problem?

I love continuing to find out.

Love, Grace

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, July 11 – August 29, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Fridays, July 12 – August 30, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Mini Retreats Seattle. Saturdays 1:30-5:30 pm. 2013: 8/10, 10/19, 11/30, 1:30-5:30 pm. 2014 Mini Retreats: 1/18, 3/8, 5/3, 10/11, 12/6/14. 4 CEUs can be earned. Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks, $55 repeater rate.  Click here to register for mini-retreats
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Who’s Bugging You? Parent, Child, Spouse, Partner, Boss, Client…bring them. September 12 – November 7, 2013 8 – 9:30 am PT Register Here.
  • Pain, Sickness and Death: The Worst That Can Happen. Fridays, September 13 – October 25, 2013 10-11:30 am PT. 6 week teleclass. Register Here.
  • Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend! Seattle, December 14-15, 2013 10 am – 9 pm Sat and 10 am – 5 pm Sun. Stay tuned for details coming soon.

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Have Money But Still Feel Anxious

When people come to question their beliefs about Money, they usually fall into one of two categories:

  1. no money, limited income, barely enough to buy food, utilities, rent, struggling to keep surviving, difficulty with work, trouble with earning and receiving money
  2. huge desire to do something powerful with money, be free of the worry of it, wanting to make a difference, wanting the money flow to be meaningful

Not long ago I was working with someone who has plenty of money in her bank account.

But something bothered her deeply about her free time, the way she spent her money, her semi-retirement status.

She felt guilty, disconnected from the feeling of “drive”, lazy, pointless…maybe even slightly depressed.

She had grown children, a husband who was a super successful lawyer, and she did not want anything….

….except more meaning in her life.

She was sometimes bored. 

She attended lots of spiritual conferences and retreats, meditated, did yoga, traveled extensively. But if she thought about REALLY going for it and following her interests, she pulled back, afraid that she might lose a good thing, lose the support (in the form of money) that she had.

Clearly her problem wasn’t lack of money, but, there was something about this having of it that felt out of sorts.

I actually had the thought “gosh, I’d love to have that problem….”

And then she told me about how she couldn’t talk about this “problem” with anyone in her life because they all got jealous, thought she should be appreciative of her incredibly abundant situation financially, and stop complaining.

I snapped out of it, and looked at this set of beliefs she was bringing for inquiry…a deep feeling of lack of importance, that she “should” be grateful, and worry about other peoples’ criticisms.

I loved that I got this chance to be there and inquire myself, through her honesty and intention, and find out more about money.

It’s a very painful thought to think “I’ll just keep being bored or listless, or not feel much purpose….I should be doing more, but I don’t want to risk the good amount of money that I do have.”

It adds to the pain to believe you shouldn’t be feeling the way you actually feel.

Believing we should be doing MORE than we are doing is rough, or that if we step out into doing something new and unusual, that we could lose our financial stability.

“I should be doing something more….meaningful, important, fun, supportive, interesting, passionate, eye-catching, exciting, charitable, helpful….but that would be risky.”

Is that true?

Seems true. Seems like a lot of my time is spent taking care of myself and my family, gathering my nuts and storing them, and trying not to lose any of my money.

When I have this thought….even if quite low in stress level, I have a heavy feeling in the body. I think I’m not good enough. I feel guilty. Disappointed.

I get fearful thoughts about not having money, I feel anxious when I spend money. But I still buy stuff, since I have it.

Who would you be without the thought that you should be doing MORE with your life and that it’s scary to do something unusual, out of the status-quo, radical, or that you don’t need to worry about a future?

I wouldn’t have a feeling of hurry-hurry-hurry. I wouldn’t feel lethargic or self-condemning. I’d gently take care of myself. I wouldn’t compare myself to other people and THEIR success.

I’d give more, without nervousness.

The woman I facilitated answered that without her thought that she should be doing more, she could relax.

She found that without the thought that she should do more with all her abundance and time….she was enormously relieved.

Without the thought, she noticed that there were some ideas that excited her, a creative spark that lit. She might not WANT to travel all the time, she might not WANT to host parties, there may be some very thrilling things she could become involved in.

The turnaround: I do not need to do more with my life or worry about losing my money.

What if that was as true or truer than the original thought? What if whatever was being done was just right?

What if I need to DO less with my life? No need to orchestrate, push, control, plan, invest well, keep, hold on?

What if I stopped “trying” so hard to achieve, make a difference, accomplish, protect?

I might become fearless about money coming, and money going. Respectful, moving from my hand to that other place, and other money moving into my hand again (or not).

“I’ve never seen a work or money problem that didn’t turn out to be a thinking problem. I used to believe that I needed money to be happy. Even when I had a lot, I was often sick with the fear that something terrible would happen and I would lose it. I realize now that no amount of money is worth that kind of stress.” ~ Byron Katie

Who would I be without my money story?

I keep learning about it, every day, unraveling my beliefs….so very exciting. Such freedom.

“The Master observes the world but trust his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky”. ~Tao Te Ching #12

Love, Grace

P.S. Click right below to read all about the upcoming 8 week Money teleclass. It’s such an adventure to question all the thinking about money, service, rejection, selling, employment. Join us!

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Time To Really Care About Money

Money.

What a lot of beliefs about one single topic! Where do we even begin?

This morning I was sitting on my pretty cream-colored leather sofa with my laptop, the little cottage quiet and cool in the dawn summer morning.

For many years, I sat on an ugly, torn, tan, ragged sofa in the very same spot.

It would hurt my left hip, because my butt sank so low into the crevas between the back and the seat, I practically sank through to the floor.

I grew up with that old couch. I believe my parents purchased it in the late 60s. It used to have a matching couch, but that one broke during a potluck gathering dinner about 15 years ago.

One of my friends, a guest, sat down and the couch caved in to the ground.

But I didn’t get rid of the second one! I couldn’t afford a new couch!

The gorgeous cream-colored couch I sit on now I bought six months ago.

I have carried many very painful beliefs about money, about buying things, selling things, selling services, trading money for fun, storing money, saving money, accessing money.

And over time (it’s taken a few years, ahem) I have felt myself getting lighter and lighter and freer and more thrilled and more excited about money…whether its in my hand (or my bank account) or not.

The reason it took me so very long to buy a new couch to sit on related to a huge pile of unpleasant and unquestioned and opposing beliefs.

If you had asked me, I might not have been able to even tell you these beliefs were present.

I had to undo them like peeling an onion. And yes, it made me cry. I have spent a lot of time worried, unhappy, and depressed about money.

I created for myself a lot of sadness and anxiety.

Here were many of my beliefs:

  • its very hard to get, earn, find, acquire money
  • I don’t have anything worth trading for money
  • I can do without….its almost easier, then no terror of losing money
  • when people (maybe me) get loads of money, they become selfish, greedy, sick, unspiritual, ruthless, anxious, and bossy
  • men like women who don’t want money or things that cost money….and since I like men, its dangerous to want money
  • when I have no money, I have no power
  • when I have no power, I don’t get to choose, decide, live, or be how I really want to be
  • I must work and not be picky about it
  • everything that is wonderful costs money
  • I can’t live an opulent, luxurious, rich, interesting life without lots of money
  • my life with money is a huge disappointment

It is very painful to believe these thoughts…it meant for me that life couldn’t be fun without money, and since money was too hard to acquire, that life couldn’t be fun.

My attitude was to make do, survive, and ignore money.

Like it was the crazy uncle who might be dangerous, so better stay away. Don’t ask too many questions.

Danger!

One of the first times I really sat with money and what it truly meant to me, I had so many images in my head I was confused.

It was like I had a huge committee screaming totally opposing ideas, solutions to this Great Problem of Money.

I began, however, with the first thought that I wrote down.

“I am upset about Money because I need more of it.”

I then asked myself the four questions, doing The Work.

Is it true that I need more money?

Are you kidding me? Have you seen my bank statement? I only have ten dollars left to my name!

But in that exact moment, sitting quietly, did I need more money?

Did I have enough food to eat? Yes. Did I have air to breathe? Yes.

I even had an old used car, a cute cottage, clothes, a whole kitchen with silverware and pots and pans and an oven.

But I need more money in order to have fun, to feel secure and safe, to feel at home, to feel comfortable, abundant, stable, peaceful, confident, powerful!

Was that actually true?

Was having more money the way to get these things?

Wow. No. I could experience any of these emotional states by questioning my thinking, by simply noticing that they were present.

All these elements were alive and breathing all around me, in most creative and interesting and mysterious ways: safety was here, security, stability, comfort, abundance, confidence, power, peace.

I could find examples of every single thing, how all of this was here, now, in this amazing moment called Now.

I began to look at the opposites of all that I believed, and try them on, just to investigate. I found concrete, genuine examples for every turnaround here, that I knew to be true already:

  • its very easy to get, earn, find, acquire money. Gosh, come to think of it, I’ve had about 50 jobs in my lifetime.
  • I have an infinite amount of ideas, service, creativity, skill, experience worth trading for money
  • I can do with or without, there is no fear necessary either way, I need not be concerned with any future
  • when people (maybe me) get loads of money, they become generous, giving, healthy, spiritual, discerning, calm, and easy-going
  • money has nothing to do with relationship unless you believe ancient thoughts that have been passed along for generations
  • when I have no money, I have lots of power: I am focused, clear, I know what my priority is, I feel determined!
  • when I have no power, I get set free to surrender into being how I really want to be
  • I do not ever have to work, and I can be picky about it in an exciting way and adjust, ask for, and explore what I like
  • everything that is wonderful does not have anything to do with money
  • I can live an opulent, luxurious, rich, interesting life without lots of money
  • my life with money is a huge teacher and success

Finally, I realized that I could go to a luxurious furniture store, with a lovely salesman, and smell the beautiful leather, and notice the colors, the styles, the artistic design, the beauty of all the play and energy that went into making every piece of furniture there.

I could find out how much my favorite sofa cost, and realize that I could come up with that much money because of all my ease, relaxation, inquiry and peace around every dollar that came and went through my life.

I said yes to questioning my troubling beliefs about money, and when I said yes to listening to these thoughts, and spent time with them….money started showing up much more often.

“Authentic inquiry is allowing yourself to care, to take on the weightless burden of caring. Everyone knows what it’s like to inquire out of intellectual interest–asking for the sake of asking or because you think you should. This is not caring. When you care about something, it gets inside of you. It gets inside the shell that keeps you from being affected or bothered, the shell that keeps anything really new from happening.” ~ Adyashanti

If you’re wanting support to question your beliefs about work, money, business and earning….if you want something new to happen….then come join our group next Thursday, July 11th, 5:15-6:45 pm Pacific time for 8 weeks. Click HERE to register.

If you need some scholarship help, write and ask me: grace@workwithgrace.com

Love, Grace

Dear Grace,

Thank you. A year ago you gave me a discounted place on one of your business courses. I went into it open minded but not exactly sure what (if any) impact it would have.

At the very outset of the course I remember you saying that we should deal with whatever will stop us from fully participating in the course.

That simple challenge meant it was the first course that I have taken that I completely participated in (and I have taken a lot of courses).

I am still working with my issues around money, however in terms of my business…

… it doubled within a year of taking the course.

Working with you was a major consciousness shift.

It was a brilliant and worthwhile investment on many levels.

Thank you for your valuable work – and very welcome grace notes.

~ JC, Kenya  

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Money and Sexuality Teleclasses Start Next Week

Next week two teleclasses begin: One on Money and many threads that relate to Money and the opposing or uncomfortable beliefs we have about it.

The other on Sexuality and all those thoughts that are most nerve-wracking or frightening or frustrating about THAT topic.

If you’re interested in either one click over to the teleclasses page. You can click on any teleclass page to read all about it.

Both Money and Sexuality are considered very sensitive issues. As in, so sensitive, you may not want to discuss them. Or hear other people discuss them.

It’s like there are certain codes socially that we may find ourselves automatically following, without even questioning whether they are true:

  • never say how much money you make to anyone, especially close friends or family
  • don’t talk about your attractions to other people, it causes trouble
  • don’t ask questions about sexuality, or express concerns—you’ll be embarrassed
  • if you’ve ever owed a lot of money, make sure to keep a lid on that information (people will judge you as a loser)
  • if you’ve ever had a difficult or violent sexual encounter, don’t tell anyone
  • if you’ve been in a troubling financial or sexual situation, there might be something wrong with you
  • don’t do business with friends or family, people get upset and it could ruin the relationship for life
  • if you make a lot of money or enjoy a lot of physical pleasure, people will get jealous, criticize you, feel envious, or think you are undeserving….so keep that under wraps
  • don’t talk about the details of your sexual encounters! Ewww!

I notice that people feel pretty nervous sometimes when we all gather together to identify our most troubling beliefs about Money, Work and Business OR Sexuality.

There are so many assumptions to move through, just to even be able to say your beliefs about these topics out loud! Yikes!

But as someone said recently….it’s so worth it.

Step Number One of The Work is seeing what you’re believing under the surface. These are the thoughts that you think, based on your past experience, that color how you look at your relationship with money, at how you feel about sexual feelings, attractive people, desire, or acquiring things with money, selling things, receiving money, earning money.

Step One is identifying your most upsetting beliefs. Good news: it’s not very difficult to find them.

They are there, often right in front of us in our heads (and felt in our bodies) when we have a stressful experience around one of these topics.

Something happens, and we feel worried, frustrated, anxious.

Our minds start running. These stressful thoughts are the petty, childish, embarrassing, judgmental, bitter, critical, mean, defensive, angry thoughts that are all there anyway, hanging back in the shadows.

They come out when we think we’re in danger, or threatened, or afraid that some past experience will repeat itself.

One of my most favorite discoveries in my life has been the numerous times I’ve found that telling the whole truth, asking all my questions, exposing my inner thoughts….has led to enormous freedom.

Who would you be without the thought that you shouldn’t talk about money or sex, for the danger of other people judging you, or other people behaving with uncertainty, or other people being upset, or feeling rejected?

Who would you be without the thought that you need to be quiet on these topics?

I found that when I didn’t force myself to keep thoughts about money or sexuality hidden, when I wasn’t frightened of my own thinking…..then I could use the thoughts, the issues, the beliefs I have had about these topics to become enlightened.

These areas of life offered amazing areas of investigation, for me to find out what was really true for me, to feel the peace and unconditional love available to anyone.

Who would you be without the thought that you have to hide, avoid, push away, or destroy your thinking or memories around these subjects?

You may find it’s safe to talk about them and investigate them, and a weight that has been on your mind (or physically on your body) becomes much lighter.

You may find that in your investigation and in your safety that other areas of your life, that have nothing to do with money or sexuality, become more clear, loving, and easy.

“There’s no intimacy when we’re in fear and there’s no love when we’re in fear…..it’s there, it’s just that our awareness of it is broken. So we experience this separateness. So what I invite people to do is to identify when they’re stressed out and look at their relationship, you know love and sex and what we’re all talking about here in this particular time together. We look at what we’re believing about our partner, and that either turns us off or it turns us on, physically.” ~ Byron Katie 

Finding out what you’re thinking about money or sexuality, for me, has been finding out what I fear and what I love.

What turns me on, or turns me off…with working, loving, spending, giving, receiving, being, conversing, connecting…finding out what I am believing is an amazing journey!

Come join other inquirers in exploring your thoughts and beliefs, what you have learned, observed, repeated to yourself, worried about, feared…..and see what can happen.

You may be surprised.

Who would you be without your stories around money, attraction, promotion, receiving, giving?

Who would you be if you felt joy, happiness, simplicity, love, health and ease with money or with sexuality?

“Not-knowing is true knowledge. Presuming to know is a disease. First realize that you are sick; then you can move toward health. The Master is her own physician. She has healed herself of all knowing. Thus she is truly whole.” ~ Tao Te Ching #71 

Money Teleclass: July 11-Aug 29, 5:15-6:45 pm PT, 8 weeks
Sexuality Teleclass: July 12-Aug 30, Noon-1:30 pm PT, 8 weeks

Freedom To Speak
“Thanks to all of you for such a wonderful teleclass and the freedom to speak about sex as if I was talking about a nose or arm, how cool that we have this time together…and thank you Grace for having the foresight to bring this topic to the open space of presence for us to question it.” ~ Tanya, teleclass participant

Marketing Became Easy 
“Through Grace and her class, I confronted my issues with marketing my business with patience, ease and self-compassion. She helped me open up to all my fears and depression over this issue and move beyond that without pressure and impatience. I learned so much from this course. I highly recommend it. It helped me understand that real freedom is not a how-to-do-it job. It is through being with myself as I am that I can find all the love and enthusiasm I relish from life. Results came out of who I was being, not in doing it “right” or through effort.”- Ben, teleclass participant

Love, Grace

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When Practicing Non-Doing Looks Like Picking Up Socks

This morning I had one of those smooth, no-hitch, right-on-time kind of stretches of moving here and there and accomplishing all kinds of things that has lasted, mostly, for about nine hours.

I am rocking with the completion of administrative duties and happy action!

Super early client, other clients scheduled, son to doctor, eye-glass prescription handled, kitchen fully cleaned, broken cell phone replaced, excellent gym workout including arms, iphone calendar updated and synced, green smoothie, reply emails done, photo copies for Breitenbush event completed, forms filled out, envelopes stuffed, flyer completed and sent to printer, teleclass….

….I won’t go on. But you get the idea! I’m rockin’ the house! Tasks done! Action Action Action! Hiya! I got the Powah!

So much fun.

But then…the mind looks out at the rest of the world and begins to find a few things wanting. A few things at fault, not quite right.

There are some other people who are NOT accomplishing as much as MOI!

Those other people are somehow slower, not aware, not the same as I am, they don’t care, and they don’t appear to be finding my way of doing things interesting.

They may not even be noticing my fabulous way of doing things.

All was fine…until the thought that person should git up off their hiney and go faster!

The other day I had a wonderful inquirer sharing her stressful thoughts about her partner. He was out playing golf, and had been saying he would clean out the garage for months.

She was not pleased.

Oh boy. I happen to know this stressful way of thinking.

  • the kids should notice the dishes need to be cleaned, and do them
  • everyone else should see that the carpet needs vacuuming, and vacuum of course
  • I should never have to ask anyone to tidy up
  • my spouse says he will do something, but I do not see it being done!
  • he’s lazy
  • she’s too distracted
  • that person should understand how much better it is to GET THINGS DONE
  • work first, play later

There are many visions of how it works best. Speed, clarity, energy, ticking off the list, power, peak performance, efficiency, discipline!

But I will never forget once, sitting in a meditation retreat, when a dear fellow-participant spoke with great pain in her voice describing her feeling of depression, not wanting to move, low energy, listlessness, and discouragement about being overweight.

The very dear and wise meditation teacher asked her if she could simply be, in this apparent state in the present moment, without needing to change it….

….no need to make it faster, better, different.

At Breitenbush these past five days, our group returned again and again to imagining what it would be like to be without the thought that the body needed to change.

No pressure, no pushing, no forcing, no condemnation for the current condition.

But other people should feel as awesome and psyched about running around handling the basic logistics of life as I am!

If they don’t think they need to change, they won’t, and things will stay the same, and life will be non-productive!

They should be energizer bunnies, like I have been today!

Whole books are written on this idea. They list all the things humans *should* do to make themselves powerful and successful.

If you don’t match that picture, it can be really disappointing and discouraging, and feel impossible.

But who would you be without the thought that there is someone, THAT person (you know the one I’m talkin’ about) who really should be doing things faster, or more efficiently?

I notice the second I ask myself this question, I am very simply back to me, enjoying myself and whatever energy comes out of this particular body…..which by the way, I can’t actually say has all that much to do with me.

I can’t honestly say that I am forcing myself, or making myself, or planning, or pushing or expecting. I actually had no plans for this day to go this way. I didn’t even have a to-do list written.

This energy and efficiency feels like it is not from me, or about me. If I stop labeling things “good” and “bad”…then how could I possibly know that moving slower isn’t just as fabulous?

What if the turnarounds are as true, or truer?

  • the kids should NOT notice the dishes need to be cleaned, unless they do. I notice I absolutely LOVE to clean the kitchen.
  • no one else should see that the carpet needs vacuuming, and do it, because it is so dang fun for me to see the before-and-after…I am amazed by vacuums
  • I should not have to ask myself to tidy up, like it’s a bad thing. I notice that without my mind getting involved, I love the simplicity of tidying up, and the easiness of it, and I don’t “have to” ask myself to do it.
  • I say I will do something all the time, and do not see it instantly being done….so I guess that is apparently the way of it.
  • my own thinking is lazy….it’s spending time looking at other people and evaluating their laziness
  • I am too distracted….I love simply watching where this body goes, without my mind driving everything—oh look, “it” is cleaning the toilet, how interesting. What will she (it) do next?
  • I should understand how much better it is FOR ME to get things done, it brings such joy to me
  • work is play, play is work…one is not better than the other. I have spent many hours in my life loving the movement of “working” on something, there is no need to create order or boss myself or others

“One day in 1986, after The Work was alive in me, I realized that it simply wasn’t true that my children should pick up their socks. I saw that I was the one who should pick up the socks if I wanted them picked up. My children were perfectly happy with their socks on the floor. Who had the problem? It was me. It was my thoughts about the socks on the floor that had made my life difficult, not the socks themselves. And who had the solution? Again, me. I realized that I could be right, or I could be free. It took just a few moments for me to pick up the socks, without any thought of my children. And an amazing thing began to happen. I realized that I loved picking up their socks. It was for me, not for them. It stopped being a chore in that moment, and it became a pleasure to pick them up and see the uncluttered floor. Eventually, they noticed my pleasure and began to pick up their socks on their own, without my having to say anything. I have had 21 years of sock-free floors (and my children tell me that they have too).” ~ Byron Katie

I did what was next in front of me today, and the way unfolded before me with a lot of ease and delight.

Tomorrow perhaps there will be a slower pace, a traffic jam, a broken printer, a way things move where achievement of a task is not possible…and that will be interesting too.

Relaxing completely, without being “right” that others should copy my way of doing things, or that today was a “good” day by comparison.

Can I see today that success, efficiency, accomplishment, and joy can also come alive in someone who is very still, who is resting, who has no need to be in action?

Yes.

“Practice not-doing, and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #3

Love, Grace

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, July 11 – August 29, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Fridays, July 12 – August 30, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Mini Retreats Seattle. Saturdays 1:30-5:30 pm. 2013: 8/10, 10/19, 11/30, 1:30-5:30 pm. 2014 Mini Retreats: 1/18, 3/8, 5/3, 10/11, 12/6/14. 4 CEUs can be earned. Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks, $55 repeater rate.  Click here to register for mini-retreats
  • Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Who’s Bugging You? Parent, Child, Spouse, Partner, Boss, Client…bring them. September 12 – November 7, 2013 8 – 9:30 am PT Register Here.
  • Pain, Sickness and Death: The Worst That Can Happen. Fridays, September 13 – October 25, 2013 10-11:30 am PT. 6 week teleclass. Register Here.
  • Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend! Seattle, December 14-15, 2013 10 am – 9 pm Sat and 10 am – 5 pm Sun. Stay tuned for details coming soon.
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That Person Separated From Me

So many people lately have contacted me to work with them about a a spouse, a lover, a friend, a very close person “leaving” them.

The pain involved in a break up, especially when you believe it shouldn’t be happening (or maybe, ONLY if you think it shouldn’t be happening) is excruciating.

I can hear it in the peoples’ voices….men and women both.

  • She/he shouldn’t have broken up with me
  • It is better being in a relationship than out of one
  • They shouldn’t have left me a voicemail to break up!
  • They shouldn’t have emailed me or written me a letter to break up!
  • They shouldn’t have texted me to break up!
  • I demand face-to-face explanation, time, connection
  • There is a right way to say goodbye

Really?

How do I know it isn’t true that someone should NOT text their break up words?

People do it! It’s reality!

Before we jump all the way to how it might be a good thing to receive a text “I am breaking up with you. We are no longer friends. Please do not contact me again”….I love exploring, with honor and acceptance and compassion, why it feels so bad.

For me, it was because I instantly assumed a whole load of beliefs to be true, and many of them boiled down to “I know what is best for me, for them, for this situation….and it is NOT what is happening.”

Byron Katie likes to joke “who needs God, when we have your opinion?”

That may feel a little harsh, especially when you’re hurting, and it is not meant in any way to suggest that you are wrong.

But for me, it opened up the possibility that what had happened was a good thing, or something I didn’t understand (and maybe never would) and that I may want to consider not toying with the universe and demanding it go the way I want it to go.

This idea is not yet another way to add to your list of pain, that you shouldn’t be so upset, that you are mistaken, that your grief is unfounded.

Your stress and pain is in exactly the most powerful place, the most perfect level, for you to notice how deeply you are fighting reality.

There is reality…with a person texting you “goodbye”.

Right on heals of awareness of this reality, practically the second it occurs, you react.

You explode with anger, terror, pain…you rip the person to shreds, you say how rude they are, how unenlightened, how immature.

People who break up with other people abruptly, with only a few words, are mean, should have given their partners more time, more attention, more comfort, more processing.

Are you sure?

These kinds of thoughts will even appear when someone dies. Suddenly, our beloved partner is gone.

We are shocked, it feels like our world is turned inside out. We can hardly breathe.

And yet, we start to think about what they could have done differently, or what they might have tried or adjusted or considered so that this sudden shocking event of them “leaving” didn’t happen in this exact way.

They shouldn’t have signed up to be in the military in the first place! They should have been wearing their seatbelt! They should have lost weight and taken better care of themselves! They should have gotten sober! They shouldn’t have been up in the middle of the night! They should have consulted a different doctor! They should have gotten their bike fixed!

The mind has a great plan for improvement, even in the past.

But it all points back to a profoundly deep belief that we are separated now, and before, we were together.

You are separated from that person….is it true?

Right in this moment, when you are thinking about them, crying, remembering, seeing them clearly in your mind….are you 100% separated from them?

I didn’t find it to be true, once I looked.

BUT! WAIT!

That person is not IN THE ROOM with me! The future looks as if I may never have them in the same room again with me! Life with that person is OVER!

Look again and be slow about it. Even if think it’s true that you are separated from that beloved person, you may notice that you are not 100% certain.

You have memories, you can picture them perfectly, you can see their smile, you can hear their laughter.

They are in your heart.

“If we’re going to love well, then we’re going to have to stop seeing people as problems.” ~ Adyashanti

This includes them being a problem when they leave.

Perhaps there is no right way to say goodbye, except the way that it is done. That way IS the right way. I can find the advantages every time.

Perhaps you are not actually left, but you are set free…I can see this as true for me.

Perhaps you are not separate from them, or from the universe or life, from All That Is, from Source, mystery, beauty, or love.

In fact, I am sure you are not. It just looked like you were for a moment…according to you.

But it isn’t true.

“Peace doesn’t require two people; it requires only one.  It has to be you.  The problem begins and ends there.” ~ Byron Katie

Wouldn’t it be amazing to feel the incredible freedom that no one else on this entire planet, including the one who breaks up via text, has to follow your rules?

Love, Grace

  • Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Thursdays, July 11 – August 29, 2013, 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Our Wonderful Sexuality: A Safe Place For Inquiry on Painful Thoughts About Sexuality. Fridays, July 12 – August 30, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. Register Here.
  • Mini Retreats Seattle. Saturdays 1:30-5:30 pm. 2013: 8/10, 10/19, 11/30, 1:30-5:30 pm. 2014 Mini Retreats: 1/18, 3/8, 5/3, 10/11, 12/6/14. 4 CEUs can be earned. Goldilocks Cottage. $70 includes intensive, handouts, tea and snacks, $55 repeater rate.  Click here to register for mini-retreats:
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The Kindness In Not Being Understood

Last week in the One Year of Inquiry group, we looked at the belief “that person should understand me.”

As happens sometimes, I then found myself working with several different people during the week who had this belief, for years, at such a deep, penetrating level that the very thought of letting go of it induced anger and frustration.

That person really should have understood! They should have taken the time to hear me out. They should have understood that I was afraid, sad, distressed, in need.

They should have been compassionate, attendant, forgiving, curious.

The mind can bump up against this belief like a brick wall.

How could it be possible that I would be fabulously OK with that person never, ever, ever understanding me…with that person not caring, listening, opening to me, with that person not even TRYING to understand me?

Without this thought, I would be lost in the void, totally alone, no desire to connect, hopeless, depressed.

I need this thought so that I keep on trying to connect. I need this thought so that I keep on trying to figure out how it went wrong, what went wrong, and how to prevent it from happening again with someone else.

Feeling the grief or depression or hopelessness of not being understood is worse than at least having the hope that they COULD understand, that I can assert myself, I can explain myself better, that I can defend myself, that I have SOME kind of power here.

The fear of being in that hopeless place, where I am not believing the thought that this person should understand me, and they still do not understand and probably will NEVER understand, seems terrible.

Yet, can I absolutely know that it is TRUE that they should understand me? What is happening in reality?

They do not understand.

Is there any inkling of possibility, no matter how small, that this person should not understand, cannot understand, will not understand, and must not understand….for your benefit?

Could there be any advantage, at all, no matter how small and seemingly low an advantage, to their lack of understanding?

I did this work, and then repeated it on the same person several times.

Every time, I had new insight and awareness of the advantages of that person not understanding me.

  • I don’t have to listen to really long explanations of that person’s family life anymore–she decided I did not understand, so she takes these stories elsewhere
  • I won’t be invited to a conference I didn’t want to attend anyway, next year
  • I can talk about meditation with others who like it more
  • I don’t need to worry about my social inadequacies or low income (by comparison)
  • she offered me an awesome feeling of my own trustworthiness, integrity, and patience
  • I won’t find myself in over-priced bars for meeting venues

I realize that after the “misunderstanding” I felt more confident, more free, clearer about my profession and more relaxed in some areas than ever before.

I discover, I actually am open to not knowing all the benefits for me, personally, around this person not understanding me….but trusting that the way it went was a good thing.

When I am believing it’s a terrible, upsetting thing that she or he did not understand me…then I expend TONS of energy fighting for understanding. I talk, plead, explain, justify. I am not silent. I ruminate on the whole relationship and where the misunderstanding occurred over and over again.

When I do not believe that anyone should understand me, my mind is quiet. It has no project. I am in the present moment. I feel rooted, peaceful.

“I questioned my thoughts and my world changed, it put me in a kind universe…and that’s how I decided that the universe is kind. I kept coming back to that kind universe and all of the proof. I couldn’t prove the unkind universe, that’s what keeps mind busy, proving the universe is unkind, that’s the mind’s job; to show us the universe is unkind, but when we begin to question that then all the real evidence is; the world is kind and I invite people to test it.”~ Byron Katie

 

Perhaps just the right amount of understanding or lack of understanding is happening, at just the right moment, in just the right way…for awareness to blossom, for the mind to end it’s struggle…for my own enlightenment.

“Without opening your door, you can open your heart to the world. Without looking out your window, you can see the essence of the Tao. The more you know, the less you understand. The Master arrives without leaving, sees the light without looking, achieves without doing a thing.” ~ Tao Te Ching #47

Let yourself not know why that relationship went the way it did.

You may feel your heart open to the whole world, with them in it.

Love, Grace