The other day I shared with you that I just came from a week-long retreat on the wild, rocky, cold northern California coast.
Every day we had almost exactly the same schedule, starting with silent sitting meditation, a silent meal of breakfast, then a talk by the remarkable and wise Adyashanti, silent lunch, silent break, followed by three silent sitting meditations, silent dinner, and the fabulous Q and A in the evening (called “satsang” in Eastern religious traditions) and finally one more silent sitting meditation followed by….
….you guessed it, silent sleeping.
I loved every part.
Except.
Even if all this was called “silent” (no talking, no unnecessary sounds or rustlings in the meditation hall, no gestures or trying to catch someone’s eye)….
….its not exactly silent on the inside.
Have you noticed?
That mind just chatters away like a committee of monkeys or chickens, doesn’t it?
Many of us are deeply aware of this “problem”.
We especially want the negative, irritable, scary, depressed thoughts to be quiet.
But what if we inquired into this belief, this troubling thought, about our thinking itself?
What kinds of thoughts do you have about your own mind?
I know…..it can get pretty vicious the way we sometimes attack our own minds, our process of this thing called “thinking”.
My thoughts are driving me crazy. I want them to leave me alone. They should shut up! They are destroying my peace. My thoughts are brutal, insane, ridiculous, stupid, repetitive, boring and self-centered.
Can someone give me a lobotomy on my disturbing, totally confused thoughts?
Ha ha.
But let’s inquire.
Let’s give even this grand gesture of Attack of Thought Itself a good look.
My thoughts destroy my peace and drive me mad.
Is this true?
Yes.
And I know from doing The Work that when they dissolve, I become more free.
I know my thinking creates my stress. I want an attitude adjustment! I can’t seem to get it all squared away and done with, once and for all.
But are you absolutely sure your thinking destroys your peace, drives you mad, and that you want to them all to go away?
No. Not at all, really.
How do you react when you believe you must get rid of your “negative” thoughts?
How do you treat yourself when you believe “your” thinking is destroying your peace?
Caught in a loop of judgment.
“I” am doing this wrong.
“I” need to fix this thinking.
Thoughts must die.
(Have you ever had this kind of thinking about people, by the way, who have upset you, or other difficult situations in the world like war, or anything you may find frightening?)
Destroy it! Bring out the posse! Grab your pitchforks and firearms! Attack!
How about truly inquiring instead?
They are YOUR thoughts, are you sure?
Thinking is never-ending….and that’s bad because why?
Peace is wiped out if you THINK something….have you checked?
(Check right now, if you want).
What would you be, without being against your own mind?
What if thinking, and thoughts, and mind, was all here to serve you, to serve life?
What if even this process of repeating ideas, returning to the same thoughts over and over, thinking frightening things….
….was actually happening for good purpose?
An invitation.
Maybe your poor little mind just wants to do its job.
Work!
Might as well give it some great questions it can answer, instead of wishing it would die.
Fortunately, The Work is just that.
It’s called The Work, Katie jokes, because it is actually…. ….well….work.
She also suggests that we have only two choices: question your thinking, or believe it.
Notice there isn’t a choice: wipe out all your negative thoughts from the face of the earth (from the mind) WITHOUT work.
I notice, I don’t want that anyway.
Turning the thoughts around: My thoughts are driving me sane. I do not ever want them to leave me alone. They should shout as loud as they need to shout, continuously, until I pay attention! They are creating my peace. My thoughts are gentle, sane, normal, smart, patterned (not repetitive), exciting and other-centered.
Wow.
It makes me chuckle out loud!
And I notice, my brain is running just like everyone else’s brain.
I don’t yell at my heart or my lungs or my organs to stop doing their job. So what if I welcomed all my painful thinking?
What if I opened my arms to all the little compulsive automated evolutionary function of this built-in energy called “thinking”?
What if I accepted that this mind is a little micro chip of awareness, created especially for this life to form memory, to warn for danger, to help operate the actions of this body, to support a return to peace.
I don’t know how, but starting with this first step of being willing to allow all thoughts to be feels like a huge relief, an awesome gift, and a way out.
Just like all the people you ever got upset with.
Or all the situations you ever hated.
Letting them be here.
Ahhhhhhh.
No more control.
Gosh.
That felt so juicy, and delicious, and sparkling, and open….
….I suddenly realized I forgot was “I” was thinking.
Relax, by Ellen Bass
“Bad things are going to happen.
Your tomatoes will grow a fungus
and your cat will get run over.
Someone will leave the bag with the ice cream
melting in the car and throw
your blue cashmere sweater in the drier.
Your husband will sleep
with a girl your daughter’s age, her breasts spilling
out of her blouse. Or your wife
will remember she’s a lesbian
and leave you for the woman next door. The other cat–
the one you never really liked–will contract a disease
that requires you to pry open its feverish mouth
every four hours. Your parents will die.
No matter how many vitamins you take,
how much Pilates, you’ll lose your keys,
your hair and your memory. If your daughter
doesn’t plug her heart
into every live socket she passes,
you’ll come home to find your son has emptied
the refrigerator, dragged it to the curb,
and called the used appliance store for a pick up-drug money.
There’s a Buddhist story of a woman chased by a tiger.
When she comes to a cliff, she sees a sturdy vine
and climbs half way down. But there’s also a tiger below.
And two mice–one white, one black–scurry out
and begin to gnaw at the vine. At this point
she notices a wild strawberry growing from a crevice.
She looks up, down, at the mice.
Then she eats the strawberry.
So here’s the view, the breeze, the pulse
in your throat. Your wallet will be stolen, you’ll get fat,
slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel
and crack your hip. You’ll be lonely.
Oh taste how sweet and tart
the red juice is, how the tiny seeds
crunch between your teeth.”
Thinking happens.
So does peace and delight.
Endless, endless.
Can you taste it?
Much love, Grace
P.S. Upcoming inquiry events with Grace for 2016:
Eating Peace Retreat January 22-24, 2016 north Seattle, WA $347
Half Day Mini Retreat April 2, 2016 Seattle
Eating Peace Retreat April 15-17, 2016 Newark, CA $347 (last time at this fee)
Money 8 Week Telecourse Jan 14-March 3, 2016 Thursdays 2-3:30 pm Pacific Time (By donation–suggestion $150-$395)
Question Money 3 Day Retreat March 25-27, 2016 Seattle $395
The Work of Byron Katie with Grace: Delete Your Suffering May 13-15, 2016 $395
Breitenbush Annual Deep Dive The Work June 24-28, 2016 $395 plus food and lodging through Breitenbush
Summer Camp For The Mind Immersion TeleJams in The Work July-August 2016
Being With Byron Katie Silent Streamed Retreat July 9-12, 2016 Kenmore, WA $165 (accommodation available for a few at inexpensive fee)
In the fourth month of Year of Inquiry, we look at our complaints.
We use an awesome exercise that I first did at Byron Katie’s School for The Work, a 9 day program with Katie where everyone gets to question their thoughts every day, all day long, about the world.
I’ve been to three schools, either as participant or staff.
The first time I did this exercise, it felt like I would never stop writing.
I actually didn’t.
Stop writing, that is.
The group process needed to move on, even though some us felt like our lists were unfinished.
The prompt?
What do you complain about, and why?
I complain about _____ because _____.
You can give it five minutes right now, in your journal.
It’s a little overwhelming, once you get started, right?
At least this was my experience.
(And still is, by the way….if that mind gets started on complaints, they are never-ending: war, greed, betrayal, disparity, overpopulation, climate change, partners, disease, dandelions, addiction, complainers, garbage, chores, marriage, time, divorce, money, laundry. OK I will actually stop now).
But there are always some people who have very few complaints.
Which is really sweet.
And you only need one.
You don’t have to get all hyper aware of all the troubles of the world, life, my life, your life, everyone’s life, the entire history of everything….
….like I sometimes do.
But my favorite part is wondering WHY I have any complaint in particular.
It’s the part where you say….
….I complain about ____ BECAUSE.…
That complainer voice wants to say “I have my reasons!”
It’s pretty defensive, full of grief, or despair.
But one day, I noticed that really, all my reasons for why I complained were because of one thing.
Fear.
I was scared, if I thought about whatever it was I was complaining about.
If I encountered it live in living color (as opposed to on the news or in the movies) even worse.
It was like I was running around as if being chased…..like a cartoon character.
Help! Help! The Sky Is Falling! The Sky! Help! See Over There? See Over Here? Help! Sky! Falling! HHHHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!
OK. Shhhhh.
Really?
(That’s my very wise very funny fairy godmother talkin’. Come here child, she says, with her big arms open wide. Stop your fussing.)
The other day our Year of Inquiry group looked at the thought “he’s getting violent” after spending a short time writing our answers to the prompt above.
One of our members noticed someone she loved (her brother) escalating his voice, his words, his volume recently when she was present.
We could all find our own situations, even if the violence we pictured was in far away places in the world, where we really believed “this situation is getting violent”.
It IS violent.
(Shivering with fear, deciding I will never go there again, angry at the threat).
But who would you be without the belief that it is absolutely violent, all of it is violence, all of it destructive and devastating and all leading to nothing good?
This is NOT ABOUT DENIAL.
It is simply noticing what happens when you imagine NOT labeling things as severely dangerous (or mildly dangerous for that matter).
With the label “violent”….
…I avoid, I close and shut down, I don’t make the phone call, I do not act, I hide, I feel small, I act small, I swear, I call people names, I don’t trust.
It’s a kind of fake prison space, like purgatory, an in-between zone of non-action and closing the world off.
This place feels small and trapped, and suffocating.
Time to take a breath.
A deep one.
And ask “who would I be without the belief that it is violent and therefore must be avoided or shut down/destroyed?”
What if I simply could not tell a horrible story about what I see here, in this situation, where intense energy is bursting forth?
What if I couldn’t believe that life was absolutely dangerous in a fearful way?
Wow.
I almost don’t know how to describe it, it’s so weird and unusual and off the map and not of the mind….
….to consider being in this moment, let alone being around something loud (like shouting or guns) without the thought “this is dangerous, violent, fearsome, wrong.”
But I do notice a relaxing within, as the inquirer did who questioned the thought about her brother.
Without the belief, she could see her brother, terrified about what he was perceiving.
He was scared.
Without her own conclusions and label called “violent”, she would see his fear but not join it.
Without knowing what to do next, without needing to know.
Turning the thought around:
My thinking is violent, towards these other people, towards the news, towards this person I love (when I think they are the violent one).
My thoughts rip the entire world to shreds and use events to prove my point….
….”this world is dangerous, sad, lost, horrible, a disaster.”
(Shhhh, Says Godmother).
I am violent to myself, never feeling satisfied with who I am, never thinking I am enough.
I am violent to myself in the very situation when I think another person is violent….
…..because right in the middle of it, I consider myself too small to make a difference, too small to stay there, too impossible to connect with the ones acting out, too insignificant to speak up, to stand up, to rise up.
Without the belief that they are violent….
….you might be a voice for peace, rather than hatred, anger, apathy, giving up or depression.
This does not mean you should walk directly into an angry mob, or not move away from someone who starts yelling in a cafe, or feel the heartbreak of learning about people killing other people.
But without the labeling, the black-and-white thinking….
….I might work to help change the roots of the violence. I may think of more interesting and creative possibilities. I may start a movement.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
“No one can be more aware than they are in the moment. If I have the thoughts someone should be more aware….in that moment I’m asleep. I’m unaware. One of us can be more aware, and it’s not them.” ~ Byron Katie
What can you do, today, to help bring peace into your life?
Not with a “should” (which would be violent) but with the powerful energy of activated love, not fear.
My 100th Podcast Episode. Peace Talk is a short (less than 10 minutes) talk about inner peace, in every situation. Thanks for listening. Keep writing with your topics and questions, I love hearing from you.
********
thank you everyone for sharing your stressful thoughts, for they are mine, too, it turns out
“This is a LOT of work”said the handsome young man sitting on my couch.
Our session had just come to an end, after going into overtime.
He said it with a sigh and a slightly dejected sense of disappointment in his voice.
Like….dang it.
I was hoping for a change of heart after this.
Immediately, I thought about how I could have used the session more productively by saying a little more about The Work in the first place, by explaining it better (not true).
What I had not known was he knew just about nothing about The Work, but was still somehow drawn to come see me.
He knew I once had a food thing of some kind.
He had a drinking and smoking thing.
I could see the pack of Camel Straights in his shirt pocket, the kind I used to smoke myself so many years ago.
He wanted it to be over.
He wanted it to be a thing that was No Longer A Thing.
Like that old terrible relationship you remember you once had, and it was violent and troubling, and now it’s been 20 years, or 2 years, and you actually kind of smile when you think of that person.
Addictive compulsive behavior is like this.
It’s so painful, so full of suffering and angst and self-hatred, that anyone experiencing even a little tiny bit of trancing into something addictive, whether a substance or a behavior, would think “this has to stop” when you snap out of the trance.
It doesn’t just stop though, right?
Nope.
Not if you want to skip over the part in which you discover what you’re thinking, believing and feeling that causes the unrest in the first place, that fuels the reaching for the thing that will help you forget awhile about your thoughts.
It also won’t stop if you persistently think you are alone AND you should be able to figure this out by yourself.
It won’t stop if you think you should pull it together and feel gratitude for how much you have (whats-wrong-with-you-anyway).
And it won’t stop if you HATE uncomfortable feelings, or feelings of terror and failure and vulnerability.
Because those feelings are what often happen right before you reach for the thing, so you’ll have to be with them.
This sweet man had emailed me before our first session and asked if he should fill out any forms beforehand, to save time, or do anything to prepare.
I sent him a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and said he could spend time filling it out and to pick something other than himself.
Guess what he said as he sat down on my couch to begin the session?
“I couldn’t find anyone at all in my life I have trouble with, thank God. I have such an amazing life. I have so many people I love and who love me. I have it pretty good.”
Oh boy, here it comes I thought….
“It is me I have a problem with. Just me. So I answered the questions on this sheet about myself.”
So now today, instead of talking about how I found it so much easier to do The Work on the world, which turned out to Be Me anyway, and give you a suggestion on Not Doing It On Yourself…..
…..I’m going to do my own work.
Which is really the quickest, easiest, most productive, direct way.
And yes, it’s called The Work because it appears to require some time and attention and care.
But I really have no choice, because it’s either do this, or fuss internally and get irritated.
Maybe I stay irritated, maybe I fuss, but at least one way there’s a chance of rain.
Without questioning my thoughts….it’s a drought and maybe rain comes eventually, but who knows.
I’m in a hurry.
So here we go.
People should stop doing The Work on themselves!!
They should stop being so harsh and critical of themselves. They should join the human race and be normal mediocre humans. They shouldn’t think they owe a debt or are extra privileged and guilty, they shouldn’t try so hard, they should relax and enjoy this amazing life while they’re here.
If they’re addicted and they don’t want to be, they should f*%&ing stop using the thing they’re addicted to and WRITE DOWN THEIR THOUGHTS when they think “I have to smoke”.
They should understand that their thoughts and feelings are driving them crazy, not the substance. They should stop being so frightened, so discouraged, and so hard on themselves.
Let’s do The Work.
These people should stop insisting on doing The Work on themselves.
Is that true?
No.
How do I know?
It’s not happening.
Plus, I’ve watched concepts I’ve had about ME float through my consciousness, and been aware of questioning them, and how powerful it’s been.
I should have explained the process of self-inquiry using The Work much better to that new client…..is that true?
No. I didn’t.
How do I react when I believe people should stop doing The Work on themselves?
Irritated. Wanting to explain. Thinking that explanations would solve the problem.
Remembering my own life when I thought all it would take to be happy was me being different, doing therapy, me being strong, disciplined, full of willpower, determined, intentional, driven, clear.
With the thought, pictures of another friend pass through my mind.
A friend very, very determined to become enlightened.
I feel angry at her effort and her pushing, her bossy ways, her spouting off her opinions about other people and who is awake or not awake (ugh).
That same friend, I realize suddenly, sees herself in the same way this young man sees himself.
Not There Yet.
“I just need someone to kick my ass…” he said.
Really?
Pause.
Deep breath.
I got a little worked up there for a minute, reacting to the thought “people should stop doing The Work on themselves.”
So who would I be without the thought?
Without any thought that they should be any different than they are, that they should think any differently about themselves, or stop being so harsh and critical and controlling.
Without the thought they should stop thinking they need their ass to be kicked?
What would that feel like, as I sit picturing them in this moment?
I see myself over there, in their shoes.
I see someone with a huge enormous heart, so big they don’t want to judge others or hurt others.
I see someone full of passion, someone wanting to give to the world, someone understandably tired of their own fears, worries, doubts and false stories.
I think of this young man, and my friend, and sense their discouragement.
I feel compassion without the belief they should be any different than they are, including self-critical.
I feel lightness, too.
If I just got here from another planet, without any thought that these humans should be less critical of themselves….
….I would notice that’s not reality here.
Without these thoughts….
….I’d facilitate this man on his belief that he just needs to get organized.
I turn it around: people should keep doing The Work on themselves.
I should not be so harsh and critical of them, or of me. I should join them, being a normal mediocre human rather than a know-it-all.
They should think they owe, and I owe them and others and myself as well. I should keep trying hard, and so should my friend. I should relax and enjoy this amazing life, and these amazing people who are so brilliant, while they’re here.
I should stop using what I’m addicted to (My Brilliant Stories) and write them down and question them instead.
DOH!
I should understand how my thoughts are the things that hurt….and not even really those. I should stop being so hard on them, on me, on her, on him.
I shouldn’t do The Work on myself, as I’ve learned how it’s got this underlying motive that I need to change.
Or what the heck, maybe I SHOULD do The Work on myself, and see what happens with the critical voice that sees things so imperfectly sometimes, including me. See what’s left of it.
“The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is, is what we want…….There is only one mind, and people are going to tell us what we haven’t dealt with yet in their own thinking.” ~ Byron Katie
People are so dear, so adorable.
Aren’t we amazing, aren’t we all incredible in how sincerely we desire to be the best version of ourselves possible?
And I love and appreciate, bowing to the ground in gratitude, that this improvement is not all up to me.
First, write it down, then ask four questions, turn it around: a Revolution
People in my Eating Peace class are invited to keep a journal during the 3 months course together online.
Whenever I’ve taught this course, I suggest writing at least once a day, for five minutes if you can’t do anything more.
But it’s almost embarrassing….
I myself have been practically rebelling against journaling.
Again.
Even though, when I do it, it brings such clarity. As if I see the story I’m telling in vivid formation.
It has to come out into the open, when you write it down.
And sometimes….
….OK, maybe often….
….we humans hate this.
Can’t the thing that happened, or the meaning we’ve put to it, or the difficult incident, or the truly awful experience and the terrible accompanying thoughts….
….just GO AWAY?
I really do know better than to think something can “just go away”.
It doesn’t.
Even if it’s forgotten, it’s only buried and ready to crawl out of the grave at the perfect trigger moment, if you don’t look at it, share it (with yourself, with others) and question the story you’ve made from what you experienced.
Like, for example, holiday season.
People getting together, the weather and sky very dark, memories, hopes to gather, disappointments.
I suddenly realized the other day….
….after waking up with a terrible nightmare about being stuck in a weekend business mastermind conference that cost 5 million dollars….
….I not only need to slow down, I also need to go ahead and talk with myself.
By writing.
So even though part of me is complaining about it, I’m writing.
It’s astonishing the list of things I can find that feel upsetting.
I miss my mom who is traveling in Mexico with my aunt
I miss my dad who died 25 years ago and who would have been busy cooking for all the expected and invited guests
clients I’m working with feel the same awareness of holidays past and I hear their sadness and despair
I’m taking two trips in December and I’m nervous about both
my neck and hamstring injury site are hurting
I haven’t had a super close transformative conversation with my husband in quite awhile
I have two friends I feel distant towards and I notice I don’t write to them, or call them, because it might be hard or stir up feelings
In Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong, she talks about the arc of a story when someone “rises strong” and faces hurt in a way that brings more wisdom to life.
The Reckoning: get curious about your feelings, see how they connect to how you’re thinking and acting
The Rumble: own your story: get honest, then challenge your assumptions (gosh….that would be doing The Work!)
The Revolution: experience a new, braver story to change how we engage with the world and to ultimately transform the way we live
The act of simple writing of all your judgments, complaints, whining, stressful feelings allows you, allows me, to step on the path of this journey.
Without even starting there….
….I’m just a mish-mash of memories, pictures, sensations, feelings and disturbances.
Everything is unconscious, without having some way to look at it more slowly.
Writing seems to be the easiest way.
So today….
….give yourself the immense gift of journaling what’s going on inside that head of yours.
Yes, I know….it would be really fantastic if it would all just go away.
It would be great if we didn’t really have to feel the agony or pain of our stories, our memories, and drag through them again.
But it’s the only way I have ever found that they can get challenged, questioned, seen, digested.
It’s the only way I ever stopped “eating” over something, was to actually spend time with the “something”.
Then eating (or drinking, smoking, doing that escape thing) to shove it back underwater is of course no longer required, or even cared about, or in any way interesting.
Right after this, tonight, I’m going to write about the things I mentioned above that feel upsetting.
Will you join me?
Because only then can we begin to look, investigate, and have a rumble.
And only then can we experience the revolution that follows.
4 hours to insight…with The Work of Byron Katie on 12/12 at Grace’s place
December 12 mini retreat has open spots 1:30-5:30 pm at Goldilocks Cottage (my home) in northeast Seattle.
Whether you’re brand new to self-inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie, or very experienced, it’s the most exquisite time to start at the beginning, and go from step to step through the process.
(Break into Julie Andrews….”let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start….”)
The Work begins with identifying a painful situation in your life.
Something you wish would change.
This is the first step, whether you are super experienced in doing The Work, or brand new.
You might be saying…..
…..are you kidding me?
If I unleash that Pandora’s Box of places I’ve experienced pain in my life, I’ll be in a workshop doing The Work for about a month.
Or a year.
Or the rest of my life.
You get the point…..some of us have encountered many very difficult experiences and people, places and things.
But here’s a funny thing I hear all the time:
“I know in the end that what I complain about or object to is really just me. It all comes back to me. I am the person with whom I have a gripe. I’m the one I don’t like. I’m the one at fault now. I don’t really even judge other people any more, what’s the point? I get that they did what they did and were mentally ill, or messed up from their parents. I KNOW it’s all about ME now!!”
I really hear this almost every single time I hold a retreat, or a new class, or even have a solo session with someone.
The thing is…..
…..it is very difficult to suddenly drop out of the ego-centered mind, a sort of negatively grandiose idea of the badness of oneself…..
…..and instantly become open to hearing, accepting, forgiving and being entirely compassionate with oneself, exactly as you are right now.
People are mean to themselves, have you noticed?
This is not exactly a mind that’s capable of consulting and inquiring with loving unconditional neutrality.
Which is what doing The Work is all about.
If you’re positive you’re a bad seed, then you’re being stubborn and your mind isn’t exactly open.
Actually, your same mean vicious mind is likely better at forgiving other people than it is at forgiving you.
So why not start with others? It will be easier.
And not just a little bit easier….a LOT easier, and a lot more clear and mind-blowing for you.
BUT.
If you really persist at feeling bad about yourself, I have a confession to make.
I’m with you, brothers and sisters.
I’m keeping a journal right now more regularly because I’m teaching Eating Peace, a 12 week program in deep self-inquiry with presentations, exercises, and The Work for anyone who has ever felt angst around eating and consuming.
We’re working from the inside out, on slowing down this process of thought that leads to reaching for something to put in the mouth.
Everyone is invited to keep a journal five minutes a day, and to sit silently five minutes a day.
Most people who know they have an issue with consuming in an emotional or addictive way think thoughts like this:
I should get a grip
there’s something wrong with me
I’ll never heal this
it’s always been this way
I should know better by now
I really should be different (I know)
I’m ugly
The other night, I wrote for five minutes without stopping when I experienced an uncomfortable moment.
I wrote about the moment: this is boring, I should be creating my podcast, my daughter is contrary and hard to be around right now, I want an inspirational movie, I need more fun and down time and excitement.
Then, I actually thought when reading it over…..
…..wow, how embarrassing that I was such an 11 year old complainer about “my” evening and wanting entertainment NOW.
I can’t believe I didn’t think of meditating, instead!!
What a dope!!
So I shared my journal entry with everyone in the next Eating Peace presentation to show them, even if I no longer have an issue with food, I still have thoughts of consumption around movies, and I’m judging the evening hours as boring.
But what if I didn’t know what was true?
What if I didn’t believe my thoughts?
What if I left them over in the corner, like a little humming plugged-in machine, and spent time wondering what it would be like to not think I needed to be any different than I was?
“Egocentric karmic conditioning self-hate is a process of taking life personally.” ~ Cheri Huber in I Don’t Want To I Don’t Feel Like It
Mind is still making noise.
It’s appearing in the pages of my journal, like any other human being with a brain.
But who would I actually really be without these thoughts?
Who would you be, if you did not take life personally, if you didn’t take anything personally….like a personal thought against you?
Wow.
Um.
Even as I just wrote this, I looked up and looked around the room, rather delighted.
This is the same room I wrote in that I thought of as boring last week.
But I feel laughter almost bubbling up out loud.
Without the thought that anything around here is personal?
Without the thoughts against myself being true, in any way?
Without KNOWING that I’m wrong, that I should get a grip, that I should know better, that I’m so eleven-years-old, or that I should improve in any way whatsoever?
The lightness is astonishing.
Surreal. Thrilling. Almost brings tears.
Everyone else looks brighter, too.
And all those situations I felt oppositional to, or weird about remembering, or in pain over…..
…..they seem like bad dreams, and distant times.
They’re over.
They’re figments.
“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now. ” ~ Rumi
If you love yourself right now, as you are, thoughts and all….
….you live now.
Much love, Grace
P.S. Half day mini retreat Saturday 12/12 1:30-5:30. Question your story, change your world
Without your dreadful thinking, even in the midst of great suffering….who would you be without your story about what is hard?
I’m sitting in such gratitude and delight in the power of people collecting together to investigate truth, suffering, love and being human here on planet earth.
Yesterday we had the first group of inquirers gathering for an 8 month adventure of meeting to do The Work.
(We’re full now, but I’ll do it again next year).
The mind, and the feelings following all the thoughts the mind produces, are magnificent.
But on a bad day….
…..it feels like it’s NOT so good that this mind is so magnificent.
It’s overwhelming.
You feel very much alone, and therefore lonely.
Kind of like this lifetime trek, especially with this mind, is never-ending and something always comes along to trip you up somehow.
Not feeling good seems super difficult, and drives people to seek relief.
Somewhere.
Anywhere.
Trouble is, sometimes there is relief, and sometimes not so much.
Even mentors or teachers, or methodologies, or practices, or books, or teachings we all agree are incredibly powerful and supportive….
….don’t always “work”.
Or sometimes, they work for awhile–we feel better temporarily.
Then, we just want to get back to that good-feeling place but we’re waving our arms around like a beetle turned upside down.
A few years ago, when sitting quietly listening to someone else do The Work on a situation that brought me to tears, I noticed a very persistent and painful underlying belief pop into my head.
This man had been responsible for killing a child by accident.
Life is full of suffering.
Its sooooooo sad.
I don’t like these stories, these terrible things that happen in peoples’ lives!
Horrible accidents, war, trauma, death, disease, starvation, depression, loneliness, being trapped or stuck emotionally.
I asked God (you can call it something else, call it Reality or The Force–that mysterious energy I have no idea how to define)….
…..what’s up with All This?
I asked this question as I heard the destruction, and pain, and the guilt this man expressed while doing The Work.
Flashes of many pictures came through my head. It felt like my heart would break.
People I personally knew who were currently suffering, people in the room I was sitting in, all of whom were there to understand better their difficult feelings about life, and how to become free of the negative, fearful, agonizing thoughts about what happens here.
Why is it so hard? I asked, feeling so desperately sad.
And bam, I realized I had a huge deep-seated base-level belief about being human.
It’s hard.
Bad things happen here.
Just listen to the news!
We wouldn’t be doing The Work, or in meditation retreats, or doing the things we all do, if life were easy, would we? Any of us?
But I felt the awareness of self-inquiry begin then to work on that thought, that deep belief, like a ping-pong bouncing and banging off edges everywhere.
Hard–easy–wanting it to be harder occasionally–wanting it to be easier (almost always, can’t this be easier)–harder–easier?
Too hard, too easy, not hard enough, not easy enough.
Well….let’s take a look at this belief.
Is it true that life is hard?
You’re seriously asking this question?!?
Of course it’s hard!
Did you hear what I heard? Have you seen what I’ve seen?
But wait.
Let’s slow down and wonder about this statement, this thing we’re calling “life” and how we conclude it’s hard.
Life is hard.
What is meant by that?
Usually, thoughts like I already mentioned….war, brutality, fear, death.
But is life, itself, hard (even if those things take place inside of life)?
Is it True?
Wait for it.
My answer is “no”.
I wound up here, alive, it turns out.
I didn’t invent life, or create this life. I was given it whether I like it or not.
It…..happened.
Life actually came first, not my thoughts about it, or my experience of it.
My attitude, and preferences, and whether I like it or not…..
…..developed as I grew, learning from all the people around me, taking in what I encountered.
I never thought to inquire about much, I was like a sponge.
No one knows why, or exactly how, life happens.
Not even the most brilliant scholars or genius minds or religious wise-people (although it is amazing to read everything you’re drawn to, if you enjoy it).
So is life itself, hard?
No. I really can’t find this to be absolutely true. I really don’t know what it is.
How do I react when I think this thought, as I listen to the suffering of other people, or remember times I believed I was in pain?
I want to cry and cry. It feels like a grief that is forever.
So sad that such terrible things happen to people, that everyone feels fear sometimes, everyone feels physical pain, loss and agnst.
But who would you be without the belief in the absolute-ness or grand broad idea that life itself is hard?
Not like denial, not like trying to slap a smile on, or think positively.
Just not acting like you’re sure having life itself, being alive, is HARD?
Who would I be without this thought?
I’d feel a pin of light on the inside of myself, maybe back behind my heart, that is here and accepting of everything, knowing I’m here as this body/mind but also perceiving more than what is here.
Just like a flower or a tree, I grow, I live, I die.
Nothing to be done.
Except to be, to wait, to feel the stillness, to feel the balance and unknown mystery of it all.
What if you collapsed and relaxed absolutely everything inside of you, everything about yourself?
Your muscles, your feelings, your mind, your hands, your eyes, your thinking, your breathing?
If you let it all relax, nothing to do…..what do you notice?
I noticed that’s the practice of who I would be without believing my thought that life is hard.
I don’t even have to actually NOT HAVE the thought….
…..only to feel the imagination enter my mind.
Who would I be, without believing that life is hard, even in the middle of loss, hopelessness, loneliness, or being with other people and their suffering?
Turning the thought around: life is easy.
Woah.
I actually have nothing to do with it.
It couldn’t really get much easier, you know?
It’s being completely run by something other than my mind, that’s for sure. I’m participating in it, without choice.
What could be easier than that?
Double-woah.
Except for my thoughts about “life”, it is the easiest thing in the world.
“The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is.” ~ Byron Katie in Loving What Is
What about in the middle of such terrible suffering, hearing about the story of someone who accidentally killed someone? Or suffered childhood abuse? What about wars and violence? What about dying of disease? Rage? Starvation? Thirst?
How about the turnaround: my thinking is hard.
If I did not believe my thoughts, I would see the suffering, but also the joy, in the experience of living.
I could find having no heavy opinion, no wish for it to be different than it is.
I wouldn’t feel hopeless, either, oddly enough–I wouldn’t treat myself like I’m a jerk for thinking life is hard sometimes.
I’d just notice, that’s the way of it. I have a brain, it turns out. Nothing wrong with that.
I would notice that in the moment I am picturing this man’s terrible story, I am actually in a room full of loving curious supportive people, all sharing this together, with unconditional love.
I almost missed it.
“It’s very simple: When we believe our stressful thoughts, we suffer; but when we question our stressful thoughts, we don’t suffer. We end our suffering. I’ve been told that the whole point of the Buddha’s teaching is the end of suffering. It’s the Fourth Noble Truth, Stephen tells me. Yes, human beings suffer when they don’t know how not to, and yes, it is possible to end all suffering simply by waking up to the difference between what is reality and what isn’t.” ~ Byron Katie in her Newsletter October 2012
You mean, I can question the difficulty, sadness, or suffering….
….of anything?
Yes, anything.
“All suffering is mental. It has nothing to do with the body or with a person’s circumstances.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy
Thank you everyone for coming along for the ride, for bringing your thoughts, concerns, worries, confusion, and despair to this Great Inquiry.
Who would we be without believing our stressful thoughts?
Noticing how shared this experience is, and how much we all love each other.
Excited.
Grateful.
Full of wonder.
Coming up with genius ideas for how to proceed.
Aware that the worst story, the one running in my head that isn’t even mine, is actually……over.
What do you notice right now in your reality?
Much love, Grace
P.S. Half day mini retreat Saturday 12/12 1:30-5:30 has 4 spots still available. Question your story, change your world. Join us!
you need to do something to get this party started, are you sure?
I was reading and preparing for my Peace program that starts later this morning.
I’ve been reading on why people act compulsively for several decades now, to tell you the truth.
Because I suffered so much when I did stuff like smoke, overeat, drink, think, seek, grab.
It’s not news to me that sometimes I’ve decided to watch a movie because I feel the freedom of empty time, but hemmed in by my own demands of myself.
Write the thing! Get it done! Write the thing!
You don’t have time to watch the Martian!
(Blah blah blah).
Almost always, my belief systems appear to be supporting two Grand Ideas.
1) Not Enough.
2) Too Much.
Usually, these have to do with feelings.
Feeling like there’s not enough peace, love, relaxation, gentleness, nurturing, happiness, contact.
Feeling like there’s too much fear, anxiety, irritation, worry, darkness, unhappiness, tragedy.
But the other day, as I found myself absolutely joyfully blissed out at an awesome house party for a wonderful friend who turned 70 (without a substance of any kind entering my system in any compulsive way).
By comparing that moment of joy with humanity….to the moment I think there’s not enough….I remembered that sometimes, sometimes when I’m alone….
….a thought comes through that says….
….wait for it….
….this is boring.
This is it? says my brain.
Really?
This all you got for me, Reality? Seriously?
Come. On.
Like a Mean Girl.
But, I admit, it’s there anyway, even though it is so immature, self-centered, and shows how much I am seeking entertainment from This World (which I should probably call My World in that kind of moment, if I’m being totally honest).
Have you ever called a situation, or a person, or life….boring?
I know, it feels like you’re twelve.
OK, six.
But let’s look anyway.
That’s what inquiry is all about…after all.
(It’s called, becoming more mature and wise by starting with where you are, but I’m getting ahead of myself).
That person, or that quiet moment, is soooooooo *BORING*!!
Is that true?
Yeah!!!
Same house, same people, same neighborhood, same obsessive tendencies, same stories, same complaints, same way of saying hello to me, same clothes, same repetitive need to buy groceries and pay the mortgage bill and do the laundry, same business goals, same trying, same family dynamics. Same, same.
Same.
(I love the way the mind makes things really huge and wide, like so big they are statements about All Of Life, for All Time).
Can you absolutely know it’s true the thing you think is boring, actually IS boring?
Are you sure?
Oh. Um.
No.
Not at all.
I’ve found an empty silence in my own familiar living room on a Friday night the most remarkable place I’ve ever been, or felt. I’ve been on totally silent retreats with zero talking and smells coming alive, sights of nature astonishing me, staring at people with wonder.
Kind of weird, but it’s been true.
But in THIS moment….my neighbor telling me her same story over again about her cat is definitely boring.
Maybe.
Hmmm.
Rats.
NO!!! I can’t know she’s absolutely positively boring!!
I can’t know that if my mind says…..”boring”…..
….it is true.
Dang it.
How do you react when you think something, or someone, is boring?
Frustrated. Looking. Shouting “change the channel!!!”
Hunting around for a little somethin-somethin.
You know what you do when you think something’s boring.
I used to do eating. Now, I do more subtle things like work on my business, or write, or read spiritual books, or watch spiritual teacher lectures, or plan my next program.
But who would you be without your belief?
Who would you be in the very moment you think…(boring!)…whether you speak it out loud or just notice something moving away from the moment?
Who would you BE?
No thought that this is boring.
Hold still, consider it.
Look around the moment.
Woman talking about her cat, showing me her cat, leaning in to have me pet her cat.
What is your moment?
Without the belief, in that moment, I notice gentle quiet energy, soooo sweet. I notice ideas about what else is happening over there in the house, and that’s OK too. I notice a genuine and very slow impulse to now move back into the house, to go over there, not here. I notice dear faces, openness, kindness. I notice silence.
You may find, without your belief that someone is boring, that you turn in another direction. Or you laugh. Or you lean closer to that person, with tenderness. Or you reach out to pet.
What’s it like to not have the thought that life is boring?
It happens…..life without that thought.
Just when you least expect it, have you noticed?
Dream Song
Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so.
After all, the sky flashes, the great sea yearns,
we ourselves flash and yearn,
and moreover my mother told me as a boy
(repeatingly) ‘Ever to confess you’re bored
means you have no
Inner Resources.’ I conclude now I have no
inner resources, because I am heavy bored.
Peoples bore me,
literature bores me, especially great literature,
Henry bores me, with his plights & gripes
as bad as achilles,
who loves people and valiant art, which bores me.
And the tranquil hills, & gin, look like a drag
and somehow a dog
has taken itself & its tail considerably away
into mountains or sea or sky, leaving
behind: me, wag.
by John Berryman
It’s all so beautiful, and changing, and brilliant as a bonfire in the dark November rain.
Turning it around: I bore myself, in this moment of boredom. I am boring. My mind is boring. My thoughts are boring.
But I am pretty exciting.
I am much more than these thoughts, these little repetitive beliefs.
Me, wag. Me, exciting. Me, wagging.
You too. All of us.
Nothing missing, no one left behind, nothing out of order, nothing more required.
It was the first night of our support group for people who wanted to investigate the emotional suffering of cancer.
Members of the group could be in remission, or any phase or stage of cancer. Maybe in treatment currently, maybe in treatment in the past.
The important thing, is they were interested in finding support for their beliefs about life and cancer.
Their thoughts, their feelings.
The doctors and medical professionals were the treatment experts.
In this group, we were treating our minds.
Me too.
I will never forget the day I heard when visiting the doctor and she said with a concerned look on her face, like someone trying to be calm…..
…..”Why don’t you go ahead and get fully dressed first. Then we can discuss the biopsy results.”
What??!
Oh no.
I knew. Before she even came back in the room.
“You have cancer.”
It’s not as if it hadn’t crossed my mind, as I felt this weird bump on my right thigh get bigger, and bigger over an entire year.
It met my fingers at my shorts line. I would feel it at the gym, or out running.
It had a hue like the color of my skin, only a little bit darker. The bump grew, outward, as if a pencil eraser was poking up out of my right thigh from deep inside, slowly.
But the doctor had assured me, when she first looked…..”no, that looks like so many funny bumps and spots people have when they begin to age like you, in their 40s. Come back in a year and we’ll check it again.”
Now, it was a year later.
She had biopsied this strange bump a week ago, and needed to put in four stitches.
It looked like the whole thing was gone.
But nope.
Since it was positive for a sarcoma, a tumor in the interstices of the skin, I would need surgery.
A much bigger area needed to be removed, to take out all possible cells surrounding the bump that might also be cancer.
Adrenaline shot through my body, and my mind filled with the sound of the words cancer.
Cancer.
Remembering it so clearly, like it was yesterday, our new group was gathered in a circle for the purpose of exploring and deeply investigating stress and cancer, using The Work of Byron Katie.
I could find it!
My kind and knowledgeable co-leader Anil smiled and shared his introduction. We all went around and said what drew us to be there.
But ultimately, I thought, what brings us together is being touched by cancer.
And thinking….I’m afraid. Cancer is bad. This is a terrible situation. Cancer must be avoided. I did something wrong, if I got it.
Everyone received a clipboard and a blank piece of paper, and a pen.
And we went there.
I guided people to write their answers, in silence, to six questions (known as the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet).
But instead of directing their writing towards a person they had trouble with, they would hold in their minds the very worst moment, the most frightening, when it came to cancer.
Was it the moment they learned they had it?
Was it sitting in a chair receiving chemotherapy?
Was it feeling the sickest they’ve ever felt in their whole life?
Was it on the operation table?
They picked one moment, like the one I remembered so vividly, and held it close while answering these questions.
Somehow, as I guided them along through the meditation of capturing thoughts on blank paper, something told me to be truly thorough. To look around that situation and explore what was difficult, in the memory.
Why are you upset?
How do you want this situation to change?
What should happen instead? What shouldn’t?
What do you need, in order to be happy in that moment?
Describe what you’re looking at which is most frightening in that situation. Describe cancer for you, in your situation.
What is it that you never want to experience again, in this situation?
Then one by one, everyone read this incredibly powerful, vulnerable, honest situation, and the thinking about it, in their lives.
This is the first step in The Work.
Clearly identifying the thoughts, the beliefs, about a situation you dislike, or hate. A terrifying situation.
The four questions come next.
But you can’t move with the four questions without contemplating the belief in your head in the first place.
Now, our group has been meeting for over a month, and everyone’s so inspired to continue.
Can you imagine an entire group of people, all of whom have experienced the fear of cancer…..
…..able to find sharing, love and connection because of cancer?
All I can say is….wow.
Much love, Grace
P.S. This group has space for one more person who would like to join for four weeks beginning on Wednesday 11/18 (no group 11/25). We’ll also begin again in January. We meet in Seattle.
I received a powerful question the other day about ending eating arguments.
These would be those ones inside your own head.
Eat it! Don’t eat it! I’ll eat it! You shouldn’t eat it! Stop eating it! You ate it! You’re wrong! This sucks! You’re fat! You’ll GET fat! You’ll die of a disease! I can’t! I can! I need more! I need less! Too much! Not enough!
Those eating wars, fights, arguments, concerns, worries that happen on the inside of you.
The person asked me….
….”If I’ve tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING under the sun known to humankind, to stop being out of balance with eating, food, my weight, my obsessive thoughts….
….what could I possibly have missed?
Why would I want to take any of your programs?”
She went on to tell me she is 52 years old, and spent a lifetime working on this issue.
She began at age 8 when her mom and a doctor put her on a diet (taking a pill and restricting her food).
Like so many of us smart, educated, well-read people, she also knew practically enough to have a degree in nutritional science (no offense to those who actually have it, I know it’s expert work).
She had been to Overeater’s Anonymous and Weight Watchers, and Jenny Craig, and Fat Camps, and done low carb and raw diet (she actually enjoyed it quite a bit, but went off it one day).
She had studied the 12 steps deeply enough to attend AA meetings without feeling like an outsider even though she didn’t think of herself as an alcoholic. She could relate to “addict”.
She had also engaged in therapy with someone she trusted, to study her own emotional experience around eating.
But she still ate too much, and ate the “wrong” things.
She always failed.
What else was there left to do?
She asked me.
So.
What’s my honest answer?
Just Stop…..and get mega tons of support as you do it.
Stop trying to know, or find the answer, or do it all alone….and make THAT a practice in itself.
Then I shared with her a turning point for me that occurred with two things colliding together around the same time.
A commitment to no longer hurt myself. And if I did, I would keep walking the path of Not Hurting Myself. This was stoppingfor me.
If I thought I couldn’t stand it, or my love for myself was threatened (by over-eating, or under-eating) I would be absolutely and completely vulnerable and honest. I would reveal my humanness. I would reveal my shame (if I had it). I would ask for help, if that’s what was required. I would do my part. I would hold still, all alone, and wait for someone to come help, if that was required.
I know these are two pretty huge and gigantic, profound stands.
But they aren’t really.
The short versions could look like this:
Stop before you break the dish
Cry out for help (knowing it’s there) and shout, “I’m wanting to break the dish, help me!”
Notice.
There is no plan for what the outcome is, in either one of these energies.
No set idea for which way it will go.
No ideal weight, no special result, no serious rules to follow.
Except:
Stop hurting yourself,
See what’s really true.
To get to that inner place of what I like to call Open Hands (no fighting) feels very hard.
At least it appears to be hard.
It appears to require some kind of intention, or ability to achieve it.
But is that true?
Are you sure?
Are you sure you need to find these things, and you’ve lost them? Or you came into this world with them missing?
Are you sure you’ve tried absolutely everything, and it’s completely hopeless?
Because I felt that way hundreds of times, as I look back on my experience of raging eating pain…..
…..but I’m still here.
I’m not only here, I’m writing about healing from eating. I’m living in my 25th year since the last binge-eating episode. I am not destroying anything with eating, or trying to destroy or change something.
My life, however, looks very normal and not that exciting or unusual, when it comes to food and eating.
For example, the other day, I felt like eating ice cream and it was pretty late at night.
We had some kind of chocolate chip flavor in our freezer. I took a bite after dishing it out in a pretty little crystal bowl.
I tasted it.
Not that good.
I opened up the fridge and found chocolate syrup in a container on the door, I didn’t even know we had it in there.
I put it on the ice cream, remembering childhood days of this same canned syrup and ice cream and peanut butter.
But it still didn’t taste that great.
So I ate another bite, as if checking, but then rinsed it into the sink.
Slowly.
It wasn’t a sudden smack of “NO! I won’t! OMG!”
It was just….oh. Ha ha.
Almost like a little mini attempt for something, then discovery of the truth.
It’s not even good. I don’t like the taste in my mouth. Maybe I like the texture and the coolness and gooey-ness, but not the actual taste.
There was no willpower or controlling the ice cream necessary.
I realized I was quite thirsty, and very tired.
What I really wanted, was to drink a big huge glass of water, put away the project I had been working on, and go to sleep.
What I really wanted was to feel the absolute quiet of this moment, at 11:00 at night, at the end of a huge day with many clients and creativity and plans for an upcoming retreat on December 12th.
What I really knew was true, was that nothing was required, and I could have what I wanted instantly….now.
Silence.
Rest.
So how do we do it?
What would that even look like, in a program of study like Eating Peace?
What it looks like is practicing together, which is amazing, and enlightening, and supportive.
Just like people in the medical field practice first aid, or emergency procedures, by repeatedly having fire drills and role-playing.
Rehearsing.
When we’re joined in a group together we practice:
stopping what we’re doing that doesn’t work and loving ourselves as we already are, and
asking for help if we think we can’t, hearing what others think, sharing
I find, when gathered with one or more people other than myself who are intent upon understanding the joy of silence, of knowing the mystery of oneself (like on a meditation retreat)….
….then I can return to the “regular” world of life and I’m more aware than ever of the silence and peace in doing the laundry, working with others, typing, answering phone calls, shopping at the grocery store, playing music, picking up kids from school.
Or eating.
That’s what Eating Peace is all about.
It’s really Thinking Peace, Feeling Peace, Living Peace.
I know….we aren’t always in the middle of whatever this idea of pure “peace” actually looks like, right?
(Except we are).
So we’re making friends with every feeling, every thought, every encounter we have that doesn’t seem friendly and peaceful.
The ones where food becomes an enemy, or our own minds become our foes.
We’re practicing the feelings of safety, the thoughts of openness, the activities of gentleness and love, the awareness of feeling powerful and clear.
We’re wondering and practicing and rehearsing and feeling what it might be like to be people who are capable of landing and being at peace.
Even with eating.
Because we are capable of it.
Not all of us realize it yet.
We get to really see clearly what the barriers are to peace in our heads, the blocks to freely acting on our own behalf, or to opening up to the help from the universe on this topic.
I do not know how long it will take for anyone to truly discover eating peace.
But what I do know, is that anyone can.
I created Eating Peace as a 3 month program (and then a 3 day retreat as well) to support people who want to investigate eating wars once and for all, and see what’s happening internally that makes eating so troubling.
How do we end eating arguments?
You stop believing your thoughts, and your feelings that drive you to be weird with food.
How do we do that?
Love yourself enough to take a look at what is.
Stop eating out of emotions, feelings, desperation, anger, or sadness.
Share, be honest, tell the truth, slow down.
Amazingly…..it works.
Next week, we begin the very thorough Eating Peace Online program again.
As always, it’s updated and improved (how could it not be updated, as life continues to unfold).
It’s my deepest intention to inspire both myself and you as we remember how to return to experience peace with food.
If you’re wondering how the program actually works, here are the basics:
Tuesdays are Live Presentation Days. You listen, you watch a slide show I’ve put together on all the ways I’ve discovered to interrupt the pattern of thinking and feeling that leads to eating out of balance.
Presentations are 9-10:30 am Pacific Time, and you can just as easily watch the recording. If you participate live, there is no talking-you do it all via your computer and write to me during the live 90 minutes to share your responses, discoveries and feedback. You can ask questions, too.
Wednesdays are inquiry days. We do The Work of Byron Katie, a magnificent way to clearly identify the weird things we’ve learned about the religion of eating, and we dissolve these beliefs through questioning them.
Wednesday inquiry sessions are also 9-10:30 am Pacific Time. For these sessions, you CAN talk if you like (I love it if you do) but you can also listen without speaking.
The exact dates of this exploration of the world of eating are below.
We move through four powerful modules: Thoughts, Feelings, Body, Spirit.
Three sessions for every module, three weeks for every module.
Twelve weeks in total. It’s more than three whole months of support, learning, sharing, watching.
You’ll have exercises and practices that are fun, fascinating and full of curiosity as you live your days noticing and accessing your imagination around eating, food and your body image.
You can do them all, or not. Your choice.
You’ll also be invited to Stop.
Stop overeating, stop undereating, stop believing your thinking (question it instead), stop trying to change your feelings into something better all the time.
If you falter or fail, you’ll still be loved, included, accepted and congratulated for coming back. The only requirement for participating is your desire to participate, your desire for eating peace.
I’m sending out this email today because I realized something the other day, when the wonderful woman asked me why she should sign up for Eating Peace?
I have not shared what it’s really all about.
So now I’m sharing with you, so you get the opportunity at least to decide if you want to investigate in a deeper, more profound way than perhaps you ever have before, and to see what it’s like if you Just Stop.
(No matter how much that freaks you out).
If you don’t stop, you’re still welcome.
I’m in Seattle and I can’t keep you from eating, or not eating, but I can offer you the stepping stones through the darks woods, and what I found worked most beautifully.
Module One: Thinking. (We start with the mind).
ALWAYS 9-10:30 am Pacific Time (check your time zone HERE).
11/17 (Weds 11/18 The Work of Byron Katie)
11/24 (Weds 11/25 The Work of Byron Katie)
12/1 (Weds 12/2 The Work)
Module Two: Feelings (the power of feeling bad, or good)
12/15 (12/16 The Work)
12/22 (12/23 The Work)
12/28 Monday Presentation instead of Tuesday
Module Three: Body (loving this body, tending this body)
1/12 (1/13 The Work)
1/19 (1/20 The Work)
1/26 (1/27 The Work)
Module Four: Spirit (practicing being with your mystery)
2/2 (2/4 The Work)
2/9 (2/10 The Work)
2/16 (2/17 The Work)
Everyone in the program has my text, my email, and a 9-1-1 solo session to use any time between now and June 1, 2016. Plus a secret private facebook group for sharing insights.
Even if you do NOT join this program, or any future program, you can begin to watch, take in, notice when you do NOT want to stop and when you do NOT want to share (and keep secrets).
You can try, just a wee little bit, to turn this around.
You can do it.
You have what it takes.
To sign up for the entire 12 week journey, including your choice between one of two Eating Peace in-person retreats (optional) then please click HERE.
“The real thing that we renounce is the tenacious hope that we could be saved from being who we are. Renunciation is a teaching to inspire us to investigate what’s happening every time we grab something because we can’t stand to face what’s coming.” ~ Pema Chodron
I’m here to help inspire you to investigate, and share with you how I do it.
Join me, let’s do it together.
And by the way, anyone who joins, gets access for life. Yes.
Grace, you have a REMARKABLE ability to embrace anything that comes into our Work, and weave it in. I love your light-hearted but serious style, and that you can tell your own stories. Looking back at what I wanted to get out of the program, I can say that I got a lot more than I imagined. Thanks, so much. ~ Florida
Peace, Grace
P.S. This is probably the only time this year I will teach this 3 month course. There’s something amazing about doing it over the holiday season, no matter what your practice or religion.
The other day I shared with you that I just came from a week-long retreat on the wild, rocky, cold northern California coast.
