December 12 mini retreat has open spots 1:30-5:30 pm at Goldilocks Cottage (my home) in northeast Seattle.
Whether you’re brand new to self-inquiry using The Work of Byron Katie, or very experienced, it’s the most exquisite time to start at the beginning, and go from step to step through the process.
(Break into Julie Andrews….”let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start….”)
The Work begins with identifying a painful situation in your life.
Something you wish would change.
This is the first step, whether you are super experienced in doing The Work, or brand new.
You might be saying…..
…..are you kidding me?
If I unleash that Pandora’s Box of places I’ve experienced pain in my life, I’ll be in a workshop doing The Work for about a month.
Or a year.
Or the rest of my life.
You get the point…..some of us have encountered many very difficult experiences and people, places and things.
But here’s a funny thing I hear all the time:
“I know in the end that what I complain about or object to is really just me. It all comes back to me. I am the person with whom I have a gripe. I’m the one I don’t like. I’m the one at fault now. I don’t really even judge other people any more, what’s the point? I get that they did what they did and were mentally ill, or messed up from their parents. I KNOW it’s all about ME now!!”
I really hear this almost every single time I hold a retreat, or a new class, or even have a solo session with someone.
The thing is…..
…..it is very difficult to suddenly drop out of the ego-centered mind, a sort of negatively grandiose idea of the badness of oneself…..
…..and instantly become open to hearing, accepting, forgiving and being entirely compassionate with oneself, exactly as you are right now.
People are mean to themselves, have you noticed?
This is not exactly a mind that’s capable of consulting and inquiring with loving unconditional neutrality.
Which is what doing The Work is all about.
If you’re positive you’re a bad seed, then you’re being stubborn and your mind isn’t exactly open.
Actually, your same mean vicious mind is likely better at forgiving other people than it is at forgiving you.
So why not start with others? It will be easier.
And not just a little bit easier….a LOT easier, and a lot more clear and mind-blowing for you.
BUT.
If you really persist at feeling bad about yourself, I have a confession to make.
I’m with you, brothers and sisters.
I’m keeping a journal right now more regularly because I’m teaching Eating Peace, a 12 week program in deep self-inquiry with presentations, exercises, and The Work for anyone who has ever felt angst around eating and consuming.
We’re working from the inside out, on slowing down this process of thought that leads to reaching for something to put in the mouth.
Everyone is invited to keep a journal five minutes a day, and to sit silently five minutes a day.
Most people who know they have an issue with consuming in an emotional or addictive way think thoughts like this:
- I should get a grip
- there’s something wrong with me
- I’ll never heal this
- it’s always been this way
- I should know better by now
- I really should be different (I know)
- I’m ugly
The other night, I wrote for five minutes without stopping when I experienced an uncomfortable moment.
I wrote about the moment: this is boring, I should be creating my podcast, my daughter is contrary and hard to be around right now, I want an inspirational movie, I need more fun and down time and excitement.
Then, I actually thought when reading it over…..
…..wow, how embarrassing that I was such an 11 year old complainer about “my” evening and wanting entertainment NOW.
I can’t believe I didn’t think of meditating, instead!!
What a dope!!
So I shared my journal entry with everyone in the next Eating Peace presentation to show them, even if I no longer have an issue with food, I still have thoughts of consumption around movies, and I’m judging the evening hours as boring.
But what if I didn’t know what was true?
What if I didn’t believe my thoughts?
What if I left them over in the corner, like a little humming plugged-in machine, and spent time wondering what it would be like to not think I needed to be any different than I was?
“Egocentric karmic conditioning self-hate is a process of taking life personally.” ~ Cheri Huber in I Don’t Want To I Don’t Feel Like It
Mind is still making noise.
It’s appearing in the pages of my journal, like any other human being with a brain.
But who would I actually really be without these thoughts?
Who would you be, if you did not take life personally, if you didn’t take anything personally….like a personal thought against you?
Wow.
Um.
Even as I just wrote this, I looked up and looked around the room, rather delighted.
This is the same room I wrote in that I thought of as boring last week.
But I feel laughter almost bubbling up out loud.
Without the thought that anything around here is personal?
Without the thoughts against myself being true, in any way?
Without KNOWING that I’m wrong, that I should get a grip, that I should know better, that I’m so eleven-years-old, or that I should improve in any way whatsoever?
The lightness is astonishing.
Surreal. Thrilling. Almost brings tears.
Everyone else looks brighter, too.
And all those situations I felt oppositional to, or weird about remembering, or in pain over…..
…..they seem like bad dreams, and distant times.
They’re over.
They’re figments.
“To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don’t wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now. ” ~ Rumi
If you love yourself right now, as you are, thoughts and all….
….you live now.
Much love, Grace
P.S. Half day mini retreat Saturday 12/12 1:30-5:30. Question your story, change your world