The other day I shared with you that I just came from a week-long retreat on the wild, rocky, cold northern California coast.
Every day we had almost exactly the same schedule, starting with silent sitting meditation, a silent meal of breakfast, then a talk by the remarkable and wise Adyashanti, silent lunch, silent break, followed by three silent sitting meditations, silent dinner, and the fabulous Q and A in the evening (called “satsang” in Eastern religious traditions) and finally one more silent sitting meditation followed by….
….you guessed it, silent sleeping.
I loved every part.
Except.
Even if all this was called “silent” (no talking, no unnecessary sounds or rustlings in the meditation hall, no gestures or trying to catch someone’s eye)….
….its not exactly silent on the inside.
Have you noticed?
That mind just chatters away like a committee of monkeys or chickens, doesn’t it?
Many of us are deeply aware of this “problem”.
We especially want the negative, irritable, scary, depressed thoughts to be quiet.
But what if we inquired into this belief, this troubling thought, about our thinking itself?
What kinds of thoughts do you have about your own mind?
I know…..it can get pretty vicious the way we sometimes attack our own minds, our process of this thing called “thinking”.
My thoughts are driving me crazy. I want them to leave me alone. They should shut up! They are destroying my peace. My thoughts are brutal, insane, ridiculous, stupid, repetitive, boring and self-centered.
Can someone give me a lobotomy on my disturbing, totally confused thoughts?
Ha ha.
But let’s inquire.
Let’s give even this grand gesture of Attack of Thought Itself a good look.
My thoughts destroy my peace and drive me mad.
Is this true?
Yes.
And I know from doing The Work that when they dissolve, I become more free.
I know my thinking creates my stress. I want an attitude adjustment! I can’t seem to get it all squared away and done with, once and for all.
But are you absolutely sure your thinking destroys your peace, drives you mad, and that you want to them all to go away?
No. Not at all, really.
How do you react when you believe you must get rid of your “negative” thoughts?
How do you treat yourself when you believe “your” thinking is destroying your peace?
Caught in a loop of judgment.
“I” am doing this wrong.
“I” need to fix this thinking.
Thoughts must die.
(Have you ever had this kind of thinking about people, by the way, who have upset you, or other difficult situations in the world like war, or anything you may find frightening?)
Destroy it! Bring out the posse! Grab your pitchforks and firearms! Attack!
How about truly inquiring instead?
They are YOUR thoughts, are you sure?
Thinking is never-ending….and that’s bad because why?
Peace is wiped out if you THINK something….have you checked?
(Check right now, if you want).
What would you be, without being against your own mind?
What if thinking, and thoughts, and mind, was all here to serve you, to serve life?
What if even this process of repeating ideas, returning to the same thoughts over and over, thinking frightening things….
….was actually happening for good purpose?
An invitation.
Maybe your poor little mind just wants to do its job.
Work!
Might as well give it some great questions it can answer, instead of wishing it would die.
Fortunately, The Work is just that.
It’s called The Work, Katie jokes, because it is actually…. ….well….work.
She also suggests that we have only two choices: question your thinking, or believe it.
Notice there isn’t a choice: wipe out all your negative thoughts from the face of the earth (from the mind) WITHOUT work.
I notice, I don’t want that anyway.
Turning the thoughts around: My thoughts are driving me sane. I do not ever want them to leave me alone. They should shout as loud as they need to shout, continuously, until I pay attention! They are creating my peace. My thoughts are gentle, sane, normal, smart, patterned (not repetitive), exciting and other-centered.
Wow.
It makes me chuckle out loud!
And I notice, my brain is running just like everyone else’s brain.
I don’t yell at my heart or my lungs or my organs to stop doing their job. So what if I welcomed all my painful thinking?
What if I opened my arms to all the little compulsive automated evolutionary function of this built-in energy called “thinking”?
What if I accepted that this mind is a little micro chip of awareness, created especially for this life to form memory, to warn for danger, to help operate the actions of this body, to support a return to peace.
I don’t know how, but starting with this first step of being willing to allow all thoughts to be feels like a huge relief, an awesome gift, and a way out.
Just like all the people you ever got upset with.
Or all the situations you ever hated.
Letting them be here.
Ahhhhhhh.
No more control.
Gosh.
That felt so juicy, and delicious, and sparkling, and open….
….I suddenly realized I forgot was “I” was thinking.
Thinking happens.
So does peace and delight.