Tag: can you stop thinking that thought?

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Sweet and tart….the deliciousness of all thinking and tasting

meditationThe other day I shared with you that I just came from a week-long retreat on the wild, rocky, cold northern California coast.

Every day we had almost exactly the same schedule, starting with silent sitting meditation, a silent meal of breakfast, then a talk by the remarkable and wise Adyashanti, silent lunch, silent break, followed by three silent sitting meditations, silent dinner, and the fabulous Q and A in the evening (called “satsang” in Eastern religious traditions) and finally one more silent sitting meditation followed by….

….you guessed it, silent sleeping.

I loved every part.

Except.

Even if all this was called “silent” (no talking, no unnecessary sounds or rustlings in the meditation hall, no gestures or trying to catch someone’s eye)….

….its not exactly silent on the inside.

Have you noticed?

That mind just chatters away like a committee of monkeys or chickens, doesn’t it?

Many of us are deeply aware of this “problem”.

We especially want the negative, irritable, scary, depressed thoughts to be quiet.

But what if we inquired into this belief, this troubling thought, about our thinking itself?

What kinds of thoughts do you have about your own mind?

I know…..it can get pretty vicious the way we sometimes attack our own minds, our process of this thing called “thinking”.

My thoughts are driving me crazy. I want them to leave me alone. They should shut up! They are destroying my peace. My thoughts are brutal, insane, ridiculous, stupid, repetitive, boring and self-centered.

Can someone give me a lobotomy on my disturbing, totally confused thoughts?

Ha ha.

But let’s inquire.

Let’s give even this grand gesture of Attack of Thought Itself a good look.

My thoughts destroy my peace and drive me mad.

Is this true?

Yes.

And I know from doing The Work that when they dissolve, I become more free.

I know my thinking creates my stress. I want an attitude adjustment! I can’t seem to get it all squared away and done with, once and for all.

But are you absolutely sure your thinking destroys your peace, drives you mad, and that you want to them all to go away?

No. Not at all, really.

How do you react when you believe you must get rid of your “negative” thoughts?

How do you treat yourself when you believe “your” thinking is destroying your peace?

Caught in a loop of judgment.

“I” am doing this wrong.

“I” need to fix this thinking.

Thoughts must die.

(Have you ever had this kind of thinking about people, by the way, who have upset you, or other difficult situations in the world like war, or anything you may find frightening?)

Destroy it! Bring out the posse! Grab your pitchforks and firearms! Attack!

How about truly inquiring instead?

They are YOUR thoughts, are you sure?

Thinking is never-ending….and that’s bad because why?

Peace is wiped out if you THINK something….have you checked?

(Check right now, if you want).

What would you be, without being against your own mind?

What if thinking, and thoughts, and mind, was all here to serve you, to serve life?

What if even this process of repeating ideas, returning to the same thoughts over and over, thinking frightening things….

….was actually happening for good purpose?

An invitation.

Maybe your poor little mind just wants to do its job.

Work!

Might as well give it some great questions it can answer, instead of wishing it would die.

Fortunately, The Work is just that.

It’s called The Work, Katie jokes, because it is actually…. ….well….work.

She also suggests that we have only two choices: question your thinking, or believe it.

Notice there isn’t a choice: wipe out all your negative thoughts from the face of the earth (from the mind) WITHOUT work.

I notice, I don’t want that anyway.

Turning the thoughts around: My thoughts are driving me sane. I do not ever want them to leave me alone. They should shout as loud as they need to shout, continuously, until I pay attention! They are creating my peace. My thoughts are gentle, sane, normal, smart, patterned (not repetitive), exciting and other-centered.

Wow.

It makes me chuckle out loud!

And I notice, my brain is running just like everyone else’s brain.

I don’t yell at my heart or my lungs or my organs to stop doing their job. So what if I welcomed all my painful thinking?

What if I opened my arms to all the little compulsive automated evolutionary function of this built-in energy called “thinking”?

What if I accepted that this mind is a little micro chip of awareness, created especially for this life to form memory, to warn for danger, to help operate the actions of this body, to support a return to peace.

I don’t know how, but starting with this first step of being willing to allow all thoughts to be feels like a huge relief, an awesome gift, and a way out.

Just like all the people you ever got upset with.

Or all the situations you ever hated.

Letting them be here.

Ahhhhhhh.

No more control.

Gosh.

That felt so juicy, and delicious, and sparkling, and open….

….I suddenly realized I forgot was “I” was thinking.

Relax, by Ellen Bass
“Bad things are going to happen.
Your tomatoes will grow a fungus
and your cat will get run over.
Someone will leave the bag with the ice cream
melting in the car and throw
your blue cashmere sweater in the drier.
Your husband will sleep
with a girl your daughter’s age, her breasts spilling
out of her blouse. Or your wife
will remember she’s a lesbian
and leave you for the woman next door. The other cat–
the one you never really liked–will contract a disease
that requires you to pry open its feverish mouth
every four hours. Your parents will die.
No matter how many vitamins you take,
how much Pilates, you’ll lose your keys,
your hair and your memory. If your daughter
doesn’t plug her heart
into every live socket she passes,
you’ll come home to find your son has emptied
the refrigerator, dragged it to the curb,
and called the used appliance store for a pick up-drug money.
There’s a Buddhist story of a woman chased by a tiger.
When she comes to a cliff, she sees a sturdy vine
and climbs half way down. But there’s also a tiger below.
And two mice–one white, one black–scurry out
and begin to gnaw at the vine. At this point
she notices a wild strawberry growing from a crevice.
She looks up, down, at the mice.
Then she eats the strawberry.
So here’s the view, the breeze, the pulse
in your throat. Your wallet will be stolen, you’ll get fat,
slip on the bathroom tiles of a foreign hotel
and crack your hip. You’ll be lonely.
Oh taste how sweet and tart
the red juice is, how the tiny seeds
crunch between your teeth.”

Thinking happens.

So does peace and delight.

Endless, endless.
Can you taste it?
Much love, Grace
P.S. Upcoming inquiry events with Grace for 2016:
Eating Peace Retreat January 22-24, 2016 north Seattle, WA $347
Half Day Mini Retreat April 2, 2016 Seattle
Eating Peace Retreat April 15-17, 2016 Newark, CA $347 (last time at this fee)
Money 8 Week Telecourse Jan 14-March 3, 2016 Thursdays 2-3:30 pm Pacific Time (By donation–suggestion $150-$395)
Question Money 3 Day Retreat March 25-27, 2016 Seattle $395
The Work of Byron Katie with Grace: Delete Your Suffering May 13-15, 2016 $395
Breitenbush Annual Deep Dive The Work June 24-28, 2016 $395 plus food and lodging through Breitenbush
Summer Camp For The Mind Immersion TeleJams in The Work July-August 2016
Being With Byron Katie Silent Streamed Retreat July 9-12, 2016 Kenmore, WA $165 (accommodation available for a few at inexpensive fee)
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You Are Supposed To Be Thinking That Thought–Again

Have you ever mulled over, re-thought, re-hashed a difficult situation with someone in your life in an effort to find a good solution, to get it squared away once and for all so it’s all tied up nicely, it’s over and done, and you never have to think about it again?

That business deal that went sour several years ago, wow that was rough. That really good friend who got some kind of twisted information or who was misinformed who hurt you so badly. That lover or partner who dazzled you but it was all a sham. That uncle who led you astray in career advice. That class you spent all that money on that didn’t really pay off.

I’ve got it!

I know what I need to do to fix my problem with that person, place or thing who bugged me!

With that whole situation….I’ve got a plan.

I’ll write them a letter, explaining myself. I’ll send them a nice card. I’ll email them and say hello and ask about their family. I’ll call them up and say how sorry I am and follow the script on making amends and making it right. I’ll practice forgiveness work and repeat my mantras over and over.

So you do your program.

But you’re still thinking about that irritating, horrible, upsetting situation with that disturbing person yet again, in the middle of the night.

When it seems there’s nothing more to say that’s really useful, when you’ve already written an honest letter, when you’ve attempted to make it right, but it still bothers you….

….thank goodness for self-inquiry.

You can dig deeper and find out what’s left, for you to learn, on the inside of you.

Without ever making contact, reaching out, fixing anything, trying to make it all rosy and shiny with effort.

You can just stop all those other efforts at getting it resolved, and trust that it appears for inquiry inside your heart and mind, because it’s important somehow.

So there you are, going about your day (or you wake up in the night after a dream, perhaps with that person in it) and you think DAMN, why the hell did that happen back then? What was going on with her or him? Why can’t I know what really went on? How could I have let that occur in my life?

Why? How? What?

Pause.

Instead of trying to understand the entire story from start to finish, journal on it, analyze it half to death all over again….

….maybe just see what one of the simple, stressful thoughts is that popped into your mind?

Did something scare you in the present, as you remember that situation and that relationship?

She could hurt me again. He’s still out there. I’m in danger. Something terrible could happen, like before. 

I don’t want to be thinking about this person!!!!

Is that true?

Yes! I’ve done my work! I’ve tried everything, I’ve made amends, I’ve done counseling, I’ve done grief and letting go rituals, I’ve talked with friends and family, I’ve taken responsibility for my part.

Are you sure you don’t want to think of them? Ever, ever? Cuz too bad, you are.

Yes, it feels like I should be totally over this. It seems like it’s absolutely true.

Done. Over. Bye Bye. Forever.

How do you react when you think you’ve done everything, and it still reappears as a problem?

Angry. Irritated. Very sad. Pictures flash of the same scenes I’ve thought about 500 times.

I get upset with my own thoughts. We’ve gone over this before, can’t you remember?

But who would you be without the belief that you shouldn’t think about someone, or some troubling situation, ever again, even though there you are thinking of it?

…”Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably…” ~ from Rumi’s The Guest House

Ahhhh.

Without the belief that I shouldn’t be thinking, or don’t want to be thinking about so-and-so or such-and-such….I allow the pictures, the memories, the feeling to rise and be as they are.

Here.

And here’s what I’ve noticed, every time: when I relax with the thoughts as they are, when I let them be there….when I treat them honorably….they always bring me something precious.

You should be thinking, yet again, about that unresolved thing from the past.

How do you know?

Because you are.

“No one has ever been able to control his thinking, although people may tell the story of how they have. I don’t let go of my thoughts–I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace