It was the first night of our support group for people who wanted to investigate the emotional suffering of cancer.
Members of the group could be in remission, or any phase or stage of cancer. Maybe in treatment currently, maybe in treatment in the past.
The important thing, is they were interested in finding support for their beliefs about life and cancer.
Their thoughts, their feelings.
The doctors and medical professionals were the treatment experts.
In this group, we were treating our minds.
Me too.
I will never forget the day I heard when visiting the doctor and she said with a concerned look on her face, like someone trying to be calm…..
…..”Why don’t you go ahead and get fully dressed first. Then we can discuss the biopsy results.”
What??!
Oh no.
I knew. Before she even came back in the room.
“You have cancer.”
It’s not as if it hadn’t crossed my mind, as I felt this weird bump on my right thigh get bigger, and bigger over an entire year.
It met my fingers at my shorts line. I would feel it at the gym, or out running.
It had a hue like the color of my skin, only a little bit darker. The bump grew, outward, as if a pencil eraser was poking up out of my right thigh from deep inside, slowly.
But the doctor had assured me, when she first looked…..”no, that looks like so many funny bumps and spots people have when they begin to age like you, in their 40s. Come back in a year and we’ll check it again.”
Now, it was a year later.
She had biopsied this strange bump a week ago, and needed to put in four stitches.
It looked like the whole thing was gone.
But nope.
Since it was positive for a sarcoma, a tumor in the interstices of the skin, I would need surgery.
A much bigger area needed to be removed, to take out all possible cells surrounding the bump that might also be cancer.
Adrenaline shot through my body, and my mind filled with the sound of the words cancer.
Cancer.
Remembering it so clearly, like it was yesterday, our new group was gathered in a circle for the purpose of exploring and deeply investigating stress and cancer, using The Work of Byron Katie.
I could find it!
My kind and knowledgeable co-leader Anil smiled and shared his introduction. We all went around and said what drew us to be there.
But ultimately, I thought, what brings us together is being touched by cancer.
And thinking….I’m afraid. Cancer is bad. This is a terrible situation. Cancer must be avoided. I did something wrong, if I got it.
Everyone received a clipboard and a blank piece of paper, and a pen.
And we went there.
I guided people to write their answers, in silence, to six questions (known as the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet).
But instead of directing their writing towards a person they had trouble with, they would hold in their minds the very worst moment, the most frightening, when it came to cancer.
Was it the moment they learned they had it?
Was it sitting in a chair receiving chemotherapy?
Was it feeling the sickest they’ve ever felt in their whole life?
Was it on the operation table?
They picked one moment, like the one I remembered so vividly, and held it close while answering these questions.
Somehow, as I guided them along through the meditation of capturing thoughts on blank paper, something told me to be truly thorough. To look around that situation and explore what was difficult, in the memory.
- Why are you upset?
- How do you want this situation to change?
- What should happen instead? What shouldn’t?
- What do you need, in order to be happy in that moment?
- Describe what you’re looking at which is most frightening in that situation. Describe cancer for you, in your situation.
- What is it that you never want to experience again, in this situation?
Then one by one, everyone read this incredibly powerful, vulnerable, honest situation, and the thinking about it, in their lives.
This is the first step in The Work.
Clearly identifying the thoughts, the beliefs, about a situation you dislike, or hate. A terrifying situation.
The four questions come next.
But you can’t move with the four questions without contemplating the belief in your head in the first place.
Now, our group has been meeting for over a month, and everyone’s so inspired to continue.
Can you imagine an entire group of people, all of whom have experienced the fear of cancer…..
…..able to find sharing, love and connection because of cancer?
All I can say is….wow.
Much love, Grace
P.S. This group has space for one more person who would like to join for four weeks beginning on Wednesday 11/18 (no group 11/25). We’ll also begin again in January. We meet in Seattle.