In the Eating Peace Core Teleclass, we explore how the mind takes over our experience of eating and our relationship to food becomes eating war, not eating peace.
But when you travel and leave home or are faced with something different and unusual with eating, anxiety and war-like thoughts might become even MORE difficult.
When you leave home, or change something familiar….even going out to eat at a new restaurant or attending a meal at someone’s home….
….many people with eating concerns think “Oh no, what will they serve? What will I eat? Will it be OK? I might overeat! I might not get enough! I’ll probably gain weight!” and on and ond with fearful anxious thoughts.
First, take a deep breath.
(What I always love to call the “first course” of any meal….a deep breath).
Then, do this (watch the video). Nothing else required.
If you’re ready to join the next Eating Peace Core teleclass, the next one is 8 weeks (instead of 6) and we’ll meet on Mondays 5:30-7:00 pm Pacific time starting May 9th. (Yes, you can listen to the recordings if you can’t make it live….and I will also offer this course on a morning hour in the future as well Pacific Time if this works better with your schedule).
Module One: (weeks one and two) Underlying Beliefs that fuel eating off-balance and the Food Plan. Should you follow a food plan, or not? I’ll share when it’s a good idea, and when not. I’ll also share the most common underlying beliefs I’ve found that create eating havoc. You’ll send me your peaceful food plan and I’ll share mine with you.
Module Two: (weeks three and four) Judging Bodies. What are your thoughts about how you should look, or what those other people look like? What do you think of other perfect bodies? We’ll explore why we
Module Three: (weeks five and six) Who Taught You? Here we look at what we innocently learned from those around us, whether family of origin or society or both. We learn to disconnect our actions from what we thought was “truth” about eating.
Module Four: (weeks seven and eight) Peace Beyond Beliefs. We look even deeper at the underlying beliefs, including what we’re thinking there’s Not Enough or Too Much of in our lives that isn’t food.
If you’d like to come along on this journey, the core eating peace teleclass is a wonderful way to look closely at your relationship with food and what thoughts and feelings take you away from the natural peace within.
All you need to join the course is a phone, or skype, or any way to dial the number or connect to the event via computer. The course is audio only (not video). We will have only a small handful of people so I can give you personal attention on this journey.
Teaching Eating Peace Retreat recently in California was magnificent.
I always love who appears to share the freedom of slowing down, stopping, holding still on a moment and identifying the thoughts that come alive in the presence of food.
Memories from the past, the people who raised us, the experience of being with food and eating it can all be present in this moment now, when we’re eating.
Together, we went back and looked at situations and our history, and at what we projected into the future that might happen that seemed scary.
If you’re wondering how to do this….today I’m sharing my January Eating Peace talk from the Institute for The Work convention (Byron Katie and certified facilitators in the audience). I didn’t know it would be filmed when I was there, but so honored it was and so happy to share it with you now.
This is the way to begin to understand and end your experience of eating off-balance.
Knowing you can discover peace with everything, including food and your body.
While on retreat here with a beautiful assembly of those who have shown up to be together these three days, I’m struck by a thought someone mentioned our first day together.
I can’t eat whatever I want.
This tantrum shows up in so much more than food and eating.
I can’t DO whatever I want. I can’t BUY whatever I want. I can’t SEE whatever I want. I can’t TAKE whatever I want. I can’t HAVE whatever I want.
It’s like a deep cry of feeling limited, enraged, locked in by the circumstances of life or reality.
When we do it anyway, eat anyway, take anyway….even though there are consequences we don’t like….
….we may “win” just for a moment, but then we lose.
The frustration and fury and guilt gets ramped up even higher.
Yesterday, as our retreat group investigated together, someone became aware of a beautiful distinction I’ve heard before.
The body “can’t” eat everything….it’s the mind that wants to, and can.
What if you rested there?
What if, instead of following, like a zombie, the demands of mind saying you MUST eat, drink, do, have, see, take….even if there are horrible consequences (like being overweight, or going to jail, or harming something, or feeling ashamed)….
….you went ahead and let the mind have a hissy fit, and you let it run wild with imagination having everything it wants all by itself without dragging the body along?
Instead of saying “NO, don’t think about that!!” to yourself, in terror, what if you treated your thoughts like they were there for a reason, and doing the best they can (like a toddler)?
Everyone had a laugh imagining the mind getting to eat the entire box of cookies, or taking one bite of everything on display, or wolfing down the entire extra large chocolate bar.
Later as we walked around a nearby lake, in silence, as a part of a contemplative exercise during retreat, we took the question with us on our walk: who would you be, walking this path, without the belief you have an eating problem?
Who would we be, without the belief “I can’t have what I want, in this moment and it’s HORRIBLE!!?”
I notice, in this morning moment squares of bright sunlight shining through a curtain, on an avocado green wall. I hear the sound of air blowing through a vent. I see a dark magenta colored tassel hanging from a silver doorknob.
I feel the joy of the sweet day ahead in sharing with others the preciousness of inquiry, and my notes and curriculum on this little laptop.
Turning the thought around: I can have what I want, in this moment.
Could what is happening right now be good enough? Could what is present be supporting you? What if everything you ever thought you couldn’t get or have or eat or feel or be…..was available?
Is what I thought I wanted really the thing I want?
All I know is….all those times I ate and ate and ate actual food, it was never what I really wanted. I never felt satisfied, or happy, or thrilled, or joyful. It was never enough, it never hit the spot. It felt like “almost but not quite” or wildly far, to be honest, from what I really wanted.
What I really wanted was to feel “enough” and at the same time feel excited about what was unfolding….because life was indeed unfolding, constantly.
Even if this moment is filled with thoughts of “I can’t”….the body doesn’t have to take action.
I hear the words “Is It True?” and allow inquiry to fall into this moment, too.
What if I really did not know what I can or can’t have, or do, or say, or be? What if I have no clue? What if nothing is required, for this moment to be OK? What if “I can’t” is hilarious instead of hellish and frustrating? What if I can?
What if it doesn’t really ultimately matter, and I knew peace and joy were possible no matter what?
What if you left all your notions of what’s missing behind, if you left all your beliefs behind, like all these beautiful retreat attendees do at every meal, as we do The Work together on stressful beliefs like“I can’t….”?
So touched by my latest Peace Talk conversation with Debra Wilkinson, awakened and bright (and free from nutty eating, a freedom we share).
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eating peace
Next week I’m off to California to teach Eating Peace near Oakland, starting Friday 9:30 am. Join me if what you really want is to understand what makes you eat (or think) out-of-balance without trying to destroy your cravings, or yourself, on the way.
Why do I mention this idea about destroying cravings?
Well…..isn’t it what we’ve all wished for, or tried to do, unsuccessfully? The cravings sure don’t have to be about food. they can be for anything.
We wish we’d stop wanting or thinking about “x”, we go to war and try to kill the craving for “x”, but the image or desire for “x” keeps returning.
I got to work with a lovely inquirer just yesterday, on her cravings for potato chips. This is not the first time someone has come to a session to inquire on craving, specifically, potato chips.
But you can do this on anything: chocolate, sugar, tobacco, alcohol, sex, gambling, cleaning, internetting, working, exercising, wealth.
The feeling is “I have to do this”.
You won’t feel settled, calm, and relaxed until you get or do this thing.
I often found inside myself that this deep craving, and the activity of pursuing it and feeding it (literally, for me) was my reaction to a belief.
If you have NO IDEA what belief you’re thinking that would drive you to ingest something or do something whacked like spend $1000 on credit cards you don’t have, then take a moment to do this exercise. The inquirer working on her craving for potato chips did this with me yesterday.
Invite the craving to take a physical shape and form, like a person.
What does this being look like?
Did you hear the knock on the door? Say “come in” for once, instead of “get lost you creep!”
Have them sit down with you, like you’re doing a therapy session with them, or a special heart-to-heart conversation, or a mediated talk.
Tell the craving you’re sorry you’ve been trying to kill them all these years, and now….you’re willing to listen.
Get out your notebook, like you’re an amazing world famous journalist, and start writing.
What color is this craving? Where does it sit, in relation to you (and especially when it was around and you wound up getting overwhelmed by it)? What is its temperature? What shape is it? Where is it moving? What does it remind you of?
If this craving had a voice, what would it tell you?
Ask it why it’s here? What’s it trying to help you avoid? What’s it trying to help you get, that you think is missing right now?
When you think about the last time this craving visited you, what else were you upset about, or worried about, or thinking about….that the craving needed to come visit?
What do you believe, if anything, that you can’t handle? What do you believe is really honestly missing, in that moment where you needed to do something, or eat something?
What was wrong with that moment, that getting this thing or doing this activity would soothe?
These are some very powerful questions.
Questions that help you get curious about what’s going on, instead of remain at war.
Because what I do know about war with reality is, you lose.
And craving/grabbing/reaching/wanting is a part of your reality, right?
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy–the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
~ Brene Brown
No, this is not about giving in to your cravings and gobbling everything in sight for the rest of your life.
It’s the opposite.
This is about dealing with them once and for all.
It’s not easy, but discovering the infinite power of your light is no small thing.
What are you without the belief you’ve made a mistake, done it wrong, or that you’re bad?
“If I had derived my identity from what the world was telling me, or what my mind used to tell me, I would have been a total failure. Then…a total success.”
I had to chuckle while listening to the brilliant Eckhart Tolle as he said these words, describing himself first at age 50 and then a few years later, after his book the Power of Now had swept the world and become a best seller.
He was talking about this Self, whatever he apparently was (which he no longer believed anyway).
For most of us, we have moments of feeling like failures, or successes, and everything in between.
Have you ever felt like you failed with a partner? Failed with your kid? Failed in “x” area?
(I often hear about failure from people who have struggled with addictions–someone just wrote to me this morning, for example, pleading for help with her eating disorder).
My heart goes out to people when they feel this self-criticism and negativity, this torture about being who they are.
I am bad.
I know it’s hard to do The Work on ourselves, but let’s look today….it’s what appears today for inquiry!
If I really ask myself about this idea of being bad, whether I am bad or someone else is bad, I notice I have this equal and opposite urge to move into the idea “no you aren’t, stop thinking that, you’re good, it’s OK” and wanting to soothe.
Both sides of that BAD coin don’t really feel that great, though. Not thinking you’re bad, not thinking you need soothing and fixing.
Not if YOU are the bad one/failing one….or if someone ELSE is the bad one/failing one.
So let’s take a look.
I am bad, a failure.…(here’s my proof: I’m acting too negative, I’m co-dependent, thinking about “x” too much, Not Present, not being the perfect spiritual person, too critical, a procrastinator, not organized enough, not living up to my fullest potential, didn’t make enough money, didn’t plan well, not succeeding, mediocre, eating ice cream, drinking coffee, watching netflix, etc, etc, etc).
You’ve got your thing you’re failing at, right?
Bad Job.
Is it true?
Well…..yeah.
I mean, look at her, him, them. Do you see those people? Those are SUCCESSFUL people.
Now look at me. See what I mean? I’ve had a whole lifetime and my sisters are doing “x” and I have a midget-sized house and I never get my book done and there are all these incredible people making a million dollars (not me) and I never learned a second language and I haven’t done a Ted Talk and…..
You get the idea.
You may notice you have moments in time where the way you spoke with someone, you considered “bad” or “failure”.
But are you sure it’s absolutely true that YOU are bad, wrong, a failure in that situation?
Who is the You who is answering this question?
Who is the You who you’re looking at, the bad one? Where is this person? Where is this person right NOW?
How do you react when you believe the thought you’re bad, wrong, you failed?
I don’t know about you…..but it’s a dark, cold, sinking, thick feeling.
I can hear it when I’m facilitating people who have this thought. They report that they feel sick when they believe this thought, or depressed. Or, like the person who wrote to me today….they’re frantic, desperate, suicidal.
Now, pause.
Who would you be without your thought that you are bad, you did it wrong, you failed?
Yes….as you watch yourself and your mind fill with images of the past and the mistakes, and images of the future you’re worried will happen….
….who would you be, even if you’ve got pictures running through your head, or voices chattering on the inside….
….who would you be WITHOUT believing this thought?
Just hold still for a minute.
What is happening right now, without any idea that you’ve done something wrong, or anything bad, or bad-ness is part of you or what you are in some situation?
You might still feel some feelings, like sadness, or very afraid, or nervous, or dull, jumpy, thick.
You feel how the energy is moving and where it floats and what happens to it, without the thoughts you’re bad. Close your eyes and feel it, feel everything here now.
Do you feel it? Just the sense of pulsing, and being alive, and what it’s like to not be so sure of your mental evaluations of yourself?
What if you just did not know what was true about “you”?
Kinda funny. Makes me smile, actually.
Can you turn this belief around to the opposite?
I am not bad. I am good. I am ____. I am.
Ooohhh.
“The body reacts to your mind. The body believes your thoughts to be real. Mind patterns often create fear. The thought creates the emotion because you’re totally identified with the thought. The body responds as if the thought is reality. The body can’t tell the difference, what you think affects the body. By seeing thought as untrue is the only way to become free. You can only see it as untrue with awareness. Without awareness, the thought swallows up your entire consciousness. Simply allow everything to be here. Allow the feeling to be here. Without feeling you shouldn’t feel it either. Allowing it….brings awareness.” ~ Eckhart Tolle
I notice the sense of “bad” or “good” is ever-changing, coming and going, here then not here.
In the latest Eating Peace notes and videos, I’ve been suggesting you talk to the parts of yourself that want to overeat, graze eat, obsess about being perfect with food, or see your body as ugly.
Those voices are rough, I know.
They feel rude, nasty, frightening and like the kind of guests you’d call the police on.
But I got quite a few questions about HOW to talk to them. I mean….they’re pretty freaky, right?
With eating, people can get particularly mean to themselves.
Ugh.
“You’ll never amount to anything. Look at you, stuffing your face again. Have you no pride, or willpower? You’ll never be thin. You’ll never get this handled. You’ll never get past this. What’s wrong with you? You ate that….again?!”
When this kind of aggression is directed towards yourself on the inside, it doesn’t exactly feel easy to do positive affirmations, look on the bright side, or turn your mean thoughts off (as if you had any great personal control over them).
Step One, (you may have noticed from other posts I’ve written), is to allow that voice to stay in the room.
Let it be there. Don’t fight it. You’ll never win!
Step Two, ask the voice a few very powerful, very pointed questions.
Watch here to see how I’ve worked with The Voice. If you do these exercises, let me know how it goes!
HOW to talk to the crazy voice that wants to eat (when you are not hungry)
“Ending addictions has nothing to do with getting rid of cravings. It’s about seeing cravings for what they are and deeply allowing the to be there. Yes, in the end, this freedom is even there in not getting what you want. This realization challenges all conventional wisdom, goes against much of our conditioning, and isn’t taught in any positive-thinking or self-help books….When you discover who you really are, you’re free whether you get what you want or not.” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance
On April 15-17 I’ll be traveling to Newark, California to offer my three day Eating Peace Retreat. People who take this program report finding deep awareness and freedom from compulsion through truly communicating with themselves, including their inner eater. I’m here to help you do that. Join me (we’re in a private home, still a few spaces left). Click HERE to read more, and register.
Trying to control your thoughts? Welcome to crazyville.
I’ve received quite a few requests from folks who really wanted to listen to the Replay of Monday’s webinar about “Control” when it comes to compulsion (specifically with eating).
Click here to watch the webinar slide show to understand moving out of trying to control yourself or your feelings, and investigate them instead. A whole new world. The Q & A at the end I found wonderful, too, including wanting to control kids’ eating, and what to do if you feel you really can’t stop. Enjoy, and write to me and let me know what’s helpful that you learn.
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Speaking of CONTROL.
Control is a topic of interest to everyone…..whether you grapple with it, or not.
Not just for people who’ve experienced wild out-of-control episodes of consuming, drinking, or doing some kind of intense behavior like trying to have sex with as many people as possible or eating everything in your kitchen from one end to the other.
The energy of “bingeing” is not limited to eating, that’s for sure.
But eating seems like one of the most socially acceptable, pervasive, constantly available compulsive behaviors around.
Even kids do it (unlike a lot of the other addictive behaviors), especially kids challenged with tough emotional experiences, anxiety, or confusion.
When we talk about “control” there’s ONE area probably 99.9 % of us have felt Out-Of-Control in.
Thinking.
And yet, we try so hard to control it.
We have beliefs like “I need to fix my thinking” or “I’m being to negative” or “I’ve got to stop obsessing about x, y or z”.
Over a decade ago, I went on my first “silent” retreat.
I put the word “silent” in quotations because….
….even though the room was quiet with 200+ people sitting with their eyes closed, even though there was no talking while standing in line for meals, or eating meals, even though there was no gesturing or writing notes or looking into other peoples’ eyes, and there was literally nothing to “do” except be in one of three places all day (meditation hall, dining hall, sleeping room)….
….it seemed like it was the loudest retreat I had ever been on in my life.
INSIDE MY HEAD!!
And I mean, it was a scream of immense suffering that I almost didn’t know where it came from or what it was all about.
Something seemed horrified at my thinking, and how out of controlit actually was, and how mean and bitter and negative and alarmed.
I had been trying to fix my thinking for years, and here it was right in my face.
I couldn’t sleep most nights during that retreat, my brain was talking so loudly.
The second night of trying, I got up with my tiny flashlight so as not to disturb the other women all lined up on cots sleeping in the pitch dark of a mountain retreat with no moon.
I’ll start walking. That’s it. I can’t lie still here anymore. I love the trails here. It will be brilliant to be out at sunrise.
I pulled on my socks and shoes, my sweater and jacket. This was northern California and very chilly up in the mountains. I had put my phone away so I had no idea what time it was (no checking emails, no looking at facebook, no contact with the internet. On purpose).
Very softly and slowly, I made my way out of the full room of sleeping sounds, and into the dimly lit foyer, past a reception sort-of open area and towards the bathroom that lit up suddenly making my eyes squint and blink when I entered.
Then, I saw the clock on the wall.
2:33 AM.
Seriously???!!!
As if to check, and make sure the clock was correct….
….I went all the way down the corridor, past the meditation hall, and out of the building and looked out into the night. Pitch dark.
I can’t even go on a f*&ing WALK!! Hell runneth over!!
That was my Shakespeare drama moment. I was fully and completely believing there was danger lurking and this was a TERRIBLE situation.
Even though I was surrounded by amazing people, listening to the beloved and wise author and spiritual teacher Adyashanti twice a day, I could ask a formal question if I wanted to, and basically there was NOTHING I “had” to do.
Food was prepared for me, the gong rang to call people to the hall. A fabulous bed was all mine. I was warm, and clothed.
I came here for this? I thought.
This is insanity! I can’t stand it! Get me outta here! My mind is simply too whacked to do this. I give up. I’m never doing this again. Only 5 more days. I’ll just get through it and go home, never to return. Impossible. Ridiculous. I can’t.
I truly felt like I was trapped in a room for a week with a maniac.
But little did I know, it was this voice that had been waiting desperately for the opportunity to talk with me. She/He (a sort of weird non-gendered monster) had been sitting in the corner waiting for me to stop “doing” stuff constantly for years.
In my twenties, I had eaten instead of listen to that horrible maniac. I had smoked and planned my life and worked and tried to control things and probably most especially that voice. I had spent a whole lot of energy focused on making sure I never, ever, ever was stuck in the same room with this maniac mind for more than one minute. I kept moving.
Why didn’t I remember that before I signed up for this retreat?
Well. Good question.
The reason I was there is because I had done lots of self-inquiry, The Work of Byron Katie, for a couple of years at that point.
And something within me had changed.
I was not so frantic, not so unwilling, and not so convinced that I was insane (or going there) and broken. I had gotten the feel of being something other than my mind itself. I didn’t have answers, but I was definitely calmer at the core.
I had seen by then that my thoughts were not necessarily True. It took a bit of inquiry to see this. There was no “convincing” that they were not true, only willingness to sit still and slowly look at the beliefs running through my mind (maybe for many years) that made me feel awful, and frightened, and like running for my life.
Fortunately, it was only the second day of the retreat.
The next day, I raised my hand to speak.
It was either than, or bolt.
Instead of speaking from the voice that tries to get everything in order, present well, be acceptable, and hold the Maniac Voice underwater until it drowns (which it unfortunately never did)….
….I spoke about my inner torture where I just felt like crawling out of my skin, and like the world was a dangerous place, and I was nuts.
The first step of The Work is expressing what you’re actually thinking that hurts. It’s identifying the beliefs of horror, of pain, of wondering why this world (or you) are so messed up, of despair.
Writing these thoughts down helps so much, because slowing down rather than speeding up is one of the most wondrous and weird keys to freedom (I’d let you know if I had discovered a faster way, believe me).
When I went up to the microphone, I called my thinking a cesspool. “It’s a cesspool in here” I said, pointing to my own head.
And here’s what happened that was unexpected, for the voice, and yet….not so unexpected at all, really.
People nodded, smiled, laughed. Adya basically said in his own more eloquent words: Oh, yeah. I get it. Been there. Done that.
You mean?
I’m not extra special crazy? I’m not hopeless?
No.
THINKING your way out of this predicament of being alive, and having to have things go well and favorably, is hopeless.
THINKING your way out of suffering is….not possible, it seems.
Just look around. It’s in the newspapers. Horrible things happen. It’s tragic. It’s absolutely awful. It’s a deep cry of wailing and sobbing and shock and sadness that’s unbearable for the mind.
But what I notice is, I am alive, even though I’ve seen horrible things (and they haven’t been so horrible compared to what some people have experienced, but it doesn’t matter).
So something here IS surviving. Life still is alive. Something is even present here that is NOT noisy. The mind might be shouting for attention, and shouting for you to watch out around every sharp corner (it loves to think everything’s a sharp corner on a mountain pass going 120 miles per hour).
But do you feel what is here, now, hearing the Maniac? I know the listener in us seems awfully quiet. So quiet it’s imperceptible. I sometimes can’t feel or hear the “listener” at all–I’m just like you.
But I know it’s there, because as soon as I stopped trying to run away from all that noise, the most wonderful feeling of relief poured through me.
And I slept all night long in my little sleeping cot at the retreat.
Question the thought: this world is horrible, hell, dangerous and insane.
Is it true?
Who would you be without that thought?
Turn it around: My thoughts are horrible, hell, dangerous and insane. This world is beautiful, heaven, safe and sane.
I notice, I can find many examples.
“….Nothing could be worse than trying to control what can’t be controlled. If you want real control, drop the illusion of control. Let life live you. It does anyway. You’re just telling the story about how it doesn’t, and that’s a story that can never be real. You didn’t make the rain or the sun or the moon. You have no control over your lungs or your heart or your vision or your breath. One minute you’re fine and healthy, the next minute you’re not. When you try to be safe, you live your life being very, very careful, and you may wind up having no life at all.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy
When I tried to be safe, and careful, and full of warning screams within, I wound up binge eating.
I didn’t have a life. At all.
I just thought I did.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Again, here’s the replay for the Eating Peace webinar on having your needs met without control when it comes to eating. And if you want to join me for a deeper Eating Peace online mini retreat on Saturday (limited to 10) then click HERE to learn more and sign up.
I am sooooo thrilled to be featured on Women For One.
This beautiful and far-reaching organization is a global community of women sharing their truth, stories, and inspiring action and transformation. Featured TruthTellers on the site are Maya Angelou, Marianne Williamson, Marie Forleo and Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor.
Recently, the founder Kelly interviewed Byron Katie. Kelly founded Women for One in 2011 and I love her tagline “permission to be real, granted”.
So now, I’m a “TruthTeller” on Women For One, too!
So deeply honored to be among such amazing women.
I would be so grateful if you headed over to the article I wrote, and leave a comment below the article there.
Click HERE to read my article. If you’re moved to comment, lovely. If you’re moved to share the article with family and friends, thank you ever so much. It so helps to spread the message of peace that’s possible for us all.
Anger turned inward feels very depressing. You can explore your thoughts, even the ones against yourself, with The Work.
“Oh Grace….I feel so horrible today, my eyes are bloodshot, I look in the mirror and feel worried about aging, and I feel fat. I know it’s so stupid.”
One of my dearest friends, who is an amazing, loving woman, also in her fifties like me and in unbelievable physical condition (a former professional athlete) left this message on my voicemail.
She’s going through a super rough transition with her long-term partner and needs a job.
I felt touched that she could say this out loud, actually admitting these kinds of troubled self-criticisms.
Because often what happens with our inner world, is we are so tormented and in turmoil by our emotional life, and feeling scared, that we’ll begin to turn on ourselves just to let off the fire of energy somehow.
Kind of like the way a bottle of fizzy water all shaken up explodes when you pop the cap off.
All over yourself.
I remember someone sharing a story once.
A dog had been hit by a car and was dying.
The owner ran into the street, heart racing and tears choking, and the dog, lying with a broken body, bit his beloved owner.
It’s a sort of strange, natural reaction sometimes to lunge out and hurt the one you love most–even if it’s YOU.
My dear friend doesn’t have any issues with food….her compulsive patterns used to show up in other ways around drugs and alcohol and smoking and she’s been sober and clean of all that for many years now.
But even those of us who don’t go to extremes with any substances, or with food, can have a stream of thinking and feeling where anger, confusion, fear and upset are directed like knives or sharp slaps towards ourselves.
What I like to remember is, it’s energy wanting to move somewhere.
It’s the reaction to stressful thinking. We feel bad. We feel desperate, or so worried.
Good time to remember to do this one part of inquiry, if it’s hard to remember to do it all (and I encourage you to call the Help Line or get someone to facilitate you if you can)….
….and this one part of self inquiry IS….
….notice the worst thought that you’re thinking.
Just that one.
I know you may have a whole pile of them. They seem to multiply fast and have babies and one piece of criticism turns into being critical of so much more.
But find ONE difficult thought, a basic core repetitive idea running through your mind.
My friend’s was “I can’t do this.”
I’ve had the same thought.
So deflating, depressing, sad, despairing.
But what you can do once you see and feel the thought permeating you, is to question.
We’re not trying to fix it, or destroy it, or even change it.
Only to see what the truth really is.
Is it true you can’t do what appears to be required?
Are you sure?
Write down your answers, get the journal out.
How do you react when you have this thought running through your head, that you can’t…..
I personally want to cry.
I might snap at others, or make general statements about life or the world and how dumb this all is, or those other people, or the state of affairs in politics.
Nice big general grand statements of YUCK.
But who would you be without your belief, if you couldn’t have this thought running in your mind?
If suddenly, you weren’t ABLE to think “I can’t”.
This is a powerful practice.
Sometimes it takes awhile to imagine. I like noticing that the tree doesn’t think it can’t, the table I’m sitting at while writing doesn’t think it can’t, this laptop doesn’t think it can’t, and this morning I myself didn’t think I can’t get up to go to the bathroom–I just did it.
So I know what it’s like to NOT have the thought that I can’t.
Now apply that same feeling to this situation, where you think you can’t.
What would it be like?
What would you sit like, walk like, breathe like, talk like?
This isn’t about forcing yourself to do anything, either, it’s really just noticing what it would be like to not have the belief “I can’t” in this moment in time.
THEN….turn the thought around to the opposite, just to try on every angle, every possibility. It’s opening up your view and your perspective to include ALL things in duality….can and can’t.
I can.
How could this be just as true, or truer?
Turned around again: My thinking can’t.
Yes, my thinking can’t get me a job, bring me peace, allow me to relax, get me more money. Movement, action, motion is what will bring me any of this.
But I can question my stressful thinking, and open up to the exciting turnarounds, and the bigger space of thinking something like “I can” and finding examples of how this can actually be true then brings new movement, new action, new motion, new ways of being.
Think – Feel – Act – Have.
The process of creation.
So let’s begin by looking at what we think clearly.
At least when I look, I see what is NOT true, and it becomes so much easier to see what is.
TA: I can eat normally, I can feel peaceful today, I can find a new job, I can spend time with people, I can take care of myself, I can feel beautiful, I can love my body, I can move away from things I don’t really want (food, boyfriend, substances, activities), I can say no, I can say yes, I can move slowly, I can live, I can be a human being in all my imperfect glory, I can speak up, I can stay quiet, I can do what seems right in this moment, and do something else tomorrow.
If you’d like to do the deep research, practice, wondering and exploration when it comes to the basics around EATING….
….I’m opening up a new Eating Peace Core Teleclass six week program, as a foundation for doing your ongoing work on emotional and compulsive eating.
We begin Friday March 4th from 2:00 – 3:30 pm Pacific Time. All audio (no video). Join from anywhere in the world with skype.
If it’s time to dive into The Work and Eating….I’d love to have you.
Click HERE for all the information and to register.
“I did The Work because I was in a hurry.” ~ Byron Katie
Big peace,
Grace
P.S. If you prefer in-person immersion learning, join me for the Eating Peace Retreat in Newark, California April 15-17 in six weeks. Everyone who enrolls in the telecourse can register for the April retreat for a special gift rate of $297 (instead of $347).
