Silly mind….you’re not as good at playing the trumpet as you think!
What a goof ball the mind can be.
Remember yesterday, sooooo many hours ago, and how I did The Work on how totally boring life can be sometimes?
Ha ha. Not really true.
But you would think, in the midst of inquiry about quiet, repetitive, empty moments of time and the nature of boredom, it would be easy to remember that in less than two days, I’d be walking the streets of New York.
Mid-stride, with a huge smile on my face, drinking in the dark, windy streets full of noises, people, lights coming from small passageways into warm cozy hole-in-the-wall restaurants, art galleries, and shops….
….I suddenly thought to myself, “Jeez, look at this amazing life. I get on an airplane, I sit down for five hours, I run into a friend on the same airplane from Seattle, we travel into New York City on the train together, and the entire journey is spectacular, new, fun, joyful, restful (I slept for part of the plane ride) and my eyes can’t stop taking in this delicious world.”
If you’re bored, just wait awhile.
If you’re sad, just wait awhile.
If you’re angry, just wait awhile.
Here comes another day, another hour, another new moment.
This one.
The complaining mind is so funny, isn’t it?
It’s like a little wind up puppet with a trumpet, and it loves to play that trumpet really loud sometimes!!
We start listening to the horn blow, completely forgetting it’s not that harmonious, and not very good technique, and kind of random.
In fact, it’s terrible.
What if we just looked at our inner complainer like a kind of “off” guy in the alley delightedly playing a trumpet?
Maybe someone with a few cards short of a full deck, if you know what I mean.
Kind of a dim bulb. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Someone with only one oar in the water, if you catch my drift.
As in…..did you remember, the other day when you thought life was boring….but actually you were soon to depart for New York City?
Oh. That was me.
Now. I know this is pretty incredible to be able to take a trip and travel and have the world show up as so very very entertaining.
But I am talking about so much more than the huge privilege of physical adventure.
I’m talking about the very funny way our perceptions are soooo clouded by the moment.
Dang. Just so sure what’s happening is TRUE, it feels like being completely immersed in the emotion and the experience….
….and it will Never End.
But it will. It can. Any minute now. It does.
“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?” ~ Tao Te Ching #15
Much love, Grace
P.S. If you want to question your wants about the future that appear favorable….the ones you cross your fingers for, pray for, hope for, come inquire and open to peace, now (not just later): Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend. March 18-20. Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday. $295.
PLUS Special gift early-bird registration for the spring retreat (all rooms are now sold out, but commuters are welcome) for May 13-15. $325 for three full days of The Work: Question your thinking, change your life.
I’m excited because people are signing up for the new retreat I’m offering March 25-27 in north Seattle on Abundance, Desire and The Work.
I notice is everyone signed up so far has already done a retreat with me in the past.
Which is awesome of course….I love each and every person I get to spend time with and when they return to dive into more of their own work, it’s such an honor to witness.
But if you don’t know me particularly, or even if you DO….
….you might be wondering….
….what is Grace talking about with this Abundance and Desire topic?
The sub-title of the retreat is: Doing The Work on What Keeps Us From What We Really Want–Reality, Now!
But aren’t abundance and desire fun?
Of course they are!
However.
I saw within myself such disappointment, discouragement, unworthiness, sadness and suffering when I didn’t get what I secretly wanted.
I wanted to understand the feeling of being, acting, moving, living and seeing what would happen if I wasn’t motivated by the future, but instead by the present.
We all have visions of what we desire.
Our dreams, goals, wishes, longings.
If only it were like THAT….I would be happy.
OK, maybe I can’t realistically know I’d be happy. But I’m absolutely positive I’d be happier.
How could I not be just a little bit happier if I got that thing I’m dreaming of?
I mean, this is a no-brainer, right?
I dream of more money, I dream of the beautiful soul mate, I dream of being in relationship with “x”, I dream of being addiction-free, I dream of being enlightened, I dream of adventure, joy, bliss, peace, self-realization, adventure, seeing the world, health, happiness.
Maybe I don’t know what it’s really like until I get there, but heck I really, really, really am positive it’s going to be good.
It’s got to be better than this.
Right now I happen to be in the middle of the Money telecourse I teach once or twice a year. The participants are truly amazing at seeing clearly how much they want more money, how sure that money represents safety, ease, independence, power or freedom.
I get it.
I feel like if I won the lottery this afternoon, I’d jump up and down and feel so excited and start planning my trip to Turkey immediately. And buy my new Prius. And update the scratched up floors in my house and fix up the garage.
I have all these personal all-about-me kinds of fun ideas and visions come into my mind.
It gets extended beyond only me, too. I feel altruistic. I’d open a hospice center, I’d open an inpatient treatment center using The Work to address emotional eating, I’d plant trees in my neighborhood where they chopped the diseased ones down.
A man I know longs for a committed partner and everyone thinks he’s a catch. He’d love a companion on this life adventure.
He wants what so many people want….tender conversations, inside jokes, intimate touch, support in hard times.
Another student of mine wants youth and health. She’s on a mission to find healing from her disease and spending all her life savings to rock bottom to live longer than anticipated.
So understandable, and so honestly human.
Nothing wrong with any of these desires and wants.
Except.
Have you noticed how you treat this present moment, when you want something different than what’s happening?
Brushing through this and flipping through to the turnaround really speedy and lightly isn’t going to generally feel very clear, easy and peaceful.
For some reason, quickly doing a more positive thinking process goes like this: “Oh yeah, I forgot….I’m gonna concentrate only on loving what is. Doing it! Rock on!!”
Maybe sometimes this actually “works” to move our minds into a different way of perceiving by jumping to the opposite. But usually, my mind then once again returns to the wishing, slowly but surely….
….unless I do The Work.
Unless I really, really take a look at what is Now and what is Desired and investigate closely to see what’s true, for me, genuinely and honestly.
So let’s say you want ______.
You know what it is.
Admit it. You don’t have to tell anyone.
It’s OK if it’s money. Again.
But maybe it’s something else.
The most important thing I’ve found to understand what happens in this process is to hold still and focus on that one dream you have, that thing you wish for, without jumping to something else.
Get that picture as clearly as possible in your head of that life you so desire.
Compare it to right now.
Yep. It’s better over there.
Pause.
Is it true?
Are you sure if you take a bite of that yummy delicious thing, you’ll feel better?
Yes, yes, yes.
I am positive that if I just had one bite of food in this terribly hungry moment, I will feel better.
I’ve proven it 1000 times.
It feels good to eat when starving and ahhhh, I get so relieved.
I am positive if I had one word of praise from that awesome, sexy hunk of a man I would feel thrilled….and better than this boring moment here.
I am positive if I had a million dollars descend on me through the lottery channels or some special winning that I would feel ecstatic….and have more options and a changed life from this limited scarce reality.
Notice how there are two visions.
This One Here Now.
That One There Then.
And we get so sure the other one is better, right?
I know how I act when I believe my life would be better, enhanced, joyful, thrilling, adventurous, calmer, blissful, free….IF I only had that thingie come true.
I’m in pursuit.
I’m waiting.
I’m reaching for that delicious carrot and it keeps moving just a wee teensy bit out of reach so I’m almost falling over trying to get it, and never succeeding.
Can you feel it in your body, when you’re reaching?
But who would you be without the belief that the thingie you want, that vision you see or feel so sure of in your mind….
….will give you happiness?
Wait.
You mean.
Are you saying there’s no possibility of happiness?
That SUCKS!
That’s WORSE!
You’re taking all my hope away….oh no!!
Hand wringing!
Please don’t take my hope. That’s the only thing I have to hold on to. I’m reaching maybe….but it keeps me going. Please.
I will get there.
I will get that person, place, condition, enlightened state of being!!
Pause.
Who would I be without the thought that something else will make me happier?
Noooooooo!
OK, so slow it down.
Relax.
Nothing will be destroyed, except maybe a few thoughts here and there. Look around, everything is still the same, OK?
You are simply considering who you would be WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT of a future happy place.
No getting better, later.
Stay. Stay. Don’t rush off.
This is it, right here.
This is what you got.
Here it is.
If you’re like me….it’s bloody difficult to stay, with this genius mind so good at imagining improvements and possibilities.
I’m not saying you have to give up your mind, though.
What if this is it….and “it” includes your brain thinking away and dreaming and conjuring up brilliant (and troubling) ideas?
Say: “Thank you mind, for showing me about 150 movies at the same time about the future and about the past. With the sound playing on all of them. At once.”
And then leave the movie-playing alone and let it do it’s thing.
But notice what else is here.
Who are you, without this belief that the Thing will get you to some better place?
Can you hear the deafening Silence? Can you feel how OK you are no matter what you’ve ever been through in your entire life that’s hard? Can you feel how OK you are if you never achieve that future vision you’ve been hoping for?
Turning the thought around: There is no “better”, in the future. Even five minutes from now. There is no “worse” that once happened before. It’s all a figment. It’s all images and movies playing in various and completely different genres (horror, winner, tragedy, comedy).
All that goin’ on?
It’s all just the mind, doing it’s THANG.
Sing to it now….
You are more than your mind working it out.
Sit still with that part of you that immediately follows the mind. Let it not race behind the pictures your mind shows you so quickly. Let it walk more slowly.
Widen the gap between thinking about your dreams and sorrows….
….and reality.
If I can attempt this, if I can stop just a minute….
….so can you.
“The things you think you love–you have no idea–you don’t…You can’t get away with it [being against what is] because your true nature is kind. Everyone’s trying with all their might to believe what they don’t believe. We believe our thoughts, and Hell is created.” ~ Byron Katie in Seattle 1/2016
If you need a little help, with the support of others to stay focused on inquiry and set yourself free from the difficulty of wanting what you don’t have….
….come to the Abundance and Desire Retreat.
Here’s what I am finding out over time, through the powerful support of inquiry. (You may be surprised).
Everything is here right now for my happiness. It’s amazing.
It’s astonishing.
As you realize this, right here in this moment….
….as you notice that everything you need is here now, you are inspired, astonished, relaxing, laughing, calming down, finding peace, hearing, feeling.
All those things, conditions, experiences, people or items you wanted before, so that you’d feel happy?
Completely unnecessary.
Happiness is present.
And THEN….they begin to happen after all. Now.
“Serenity is within, do not seek it without.” ~ the Buddha
Much love,
Grace
Join the Abundance and Desire Retreat. Doing The Work on what keeps us from what we really want: Reality Now! March 25-27. Friday night through Sunday afternoon. $295. Three private rooms plus a couple of very comfy air mattresses available if you need to stay overnight (just ask).
Want to feel the power of love? Question your thoughts about what you (and others) might think about you
I was watching my own video the other day.
Jeez.
What a rambler.
Often, our most critical voices….
….well, let’s face it….
….USUALLY our most critical voices are directed towards ourselves.
We look at us, being us, and we think….
….good grief, ugh.
If I were watching this (and I were another person) I’d find this unorganized, wandering around all over the place, and I’d wonder what the heck is this person even saying?
Dang!
The thing is, most of us then believe these self-critical thoughts are “true” and additionally that they are “absolutely true”.
No other option.
Is there something in your life that you do regularly, where your immediate response or assessment of yourself is that you suck?
It can happen anywhere, any time.
You’re just walking down the street, and you have a thought of that conversation you had with your old friend, or your co-worker, or your boss, or your mom.
You get a sick feeling inside, because you really feel you didn’t handle that situation well.
Or maybe you feel embarrassed about something you did.
Or the way you appear, like I did when I saw myself.
It’s so good to explore this process, and see what’s really going on.
First question: what is TERRIBLE about the “mistake” you’ve made?
What’s the worst that could happen?
Be entirely honest about your worry.
What’s the danger….when someone displays this kind of behavior, words, appearance, “mistake”?
What are you afraid of?
OK, so in my situation, I’m looking at myself on screen rambling away.
What’s the worst that could happen, because of this video, this quality I’m showing and displaying (ramble ramble no inspiring point)?
My answer: other people will also think this, and they’ll miss the message. They’ll reject the message.
They’ll say….what the hell is she talking about?
And go away.
Abandonment. Rejection.
Irritation directed towards me from others.
Every single time I believe I’m doing it wrong, or made a mistake, or appearing like a loser….
….I can guarantee I’ll find Someone Else who might see me through the same eyes.
The next question is…..WHO?
In my case, the people who I think might agree with me that I was rambling on without being clear about my point, are people suffering from compulsive behavior (especially eating)….
….what I’m talking about and the way I’m talking Is Not Helping!
They’ll be disappointed, and leave.
They’ll think….she’s no good, she doesn’t know how to deliver her message, she’s boring, she’s unclear.
At worst, they could not only leave, but spread the word that I’m totally Un-Helpful. They could tell other people to keep away from me.
Yeah, it may seem absurd, but to accept these pictures inside is easier than trying to suppress and attack them and hide them and try to “think positive”.
Because when they’re out in the open, you can take a closer look at the beliefs, and investigate them through inquiry, just to see what’s really, really true for you.
Do you want to know the truth?
So now, because of my own thoughts about me, I can find what I believe others are capable of thinking about me, too, and what would be dangerous about it.
What would their judgments mean for me?
It would mean I won’t have clients, and I won’t have success, and I won’t be a helpful person of service in this world who makes a difference.
From here, I get to see what my mind secretly believes in, that produces pain, suffering and stress.
My belief system here: People will only be served if I’m crystal clear, direct and don’t ramble. They will not receive support if I’m rambling. And I actually need to serve.
Let’s inquire.
Is that true that I’ll only serve if I don’t ramble?
No.
How do I know it?
I’ve been super rambly, I haven’t been clear, and I’ve still served a whole lot of people.
It’s OK to be however I’ve been.
How do I react when I believe in anti-rambling….and I’ve rambled?
Ouch.
Tight. Unhappy. Self-critical. Worried. Needy.
Worried about how to improve or fix myself. Signing up for self-improvement classes out of fear (not out of the fun of it or wanting to learn more).
So who would I be without the belief that I absolutely HAVE TO be clear, direct and never ramble…..in order to serve people?
What if I stepped out of that old mental Dictator paradigm, that the mind loves….
….where it gets crackin’ on the “problem” and solving it without inquiring if what it’s believing is actually even true?
Wait.
You mean I can be however I am, in any given moment?
Yes. Hello!
It doesn’t mean improvement doesn’t naturally happen. It doesn’t mean I don’t re-shoot the video, after greater clarity. It doesn’t mean anything “terrible”.
What if you turned this thought around?
People will only be served if I’m honestly myself, being who I am. They will receive support if I’m rambling. The only way I’ll become clearer about my message and way of speaking is to be myself, authentically me, a human being and not a fake version of someone more perfect.
And, “I” don’t need to serve. It’s not an emergency. It’s not a fundamental “need” like I need food or water. I can naturally serve by being myself, and life shows me what is required, and what serves, and I follow this easily….because it’s the most fun, the greatest joy.
Continuing to explore turning this all around again:
I am the one who will be served if I’m crystal clear, direct and don’t ramble with myself. I won’t receive my own support if I’m rambling.
“I” need to serve the end of my self-judgment, the acceptance of being a human being, the sweetness of enlightenment that’s not up to me.
I am served when people are super clear with me, I notice. I love it when they’re direct.
I also love the flow of rambling brooks, and direct waterfalls, both.
Why would I be against any of these qualities, all of which are present in reality?
Rambling can help things slow down, create a feeling of softness and silence, serve as a reminder that words are not important in the end.
Peace is.
“I’ve come to see that every thought is about identification….Until you come to love yourself, there’s no way to understand that love is the power and hate is not. When people abuse themselves mentally–that’s how we abuse ourselves emotionally of course, with thoughts that just are not true, with the mind that attacks us–You train yourselves to believe that violence is how. It blocks the awareness that love is the power.” ~ Byron Katie in Your Inner Awakening
If you’ve noticed self-critical, or abusive thoughts towards the self, or violence about what you’re like or who you are…..
…..be honest and see why on earth you would really “need” to be different.
What are you afraid you won’t get, or won’t achieve, or won’t be?
question your stories about death, or craving….. …..feel the mysterious inexhaustible silence
Every year at the summer Breitenbush annual retreat in late June, we have a movie night.
We watch the film Turn It Around with Byron Katie.
In the movie, quite a few courageous people get up on stage with Katie.
They share their innermost suffering and disturbing thoughts with the whole audience (and in this case, all of us who ever watch Turn It Around, too)!
That’s brave!
Last night, I showed Turn It Around in my Eating Peace retreat.
I’ve seen it about 10 times now, and it’s still moving for me.
One of my favorite pieces of work is when a young woman shares that her brother died in Afghanistan, and how enraged she’s felt about the loss, her devastated family, and death itself.
What an amazing question to ask someone as they consider death (to ask myself)….
….who would you be without the belief that death is so awful?
Without being against death, and anything leading to death?
It does seem to be the overwhelming way of it, as in 100% of the time, that we die.
So why get so disturbed?
What’s this deep, terrifying upset all about, anyway?
It’s profound to think of, at this level.
Almost the same, for me, as the process of addiction (which is what everyone is looking at so very closely in Eating Peace these three days).
Craving.
This whole over-eating, under-eating, worrying about eating thing.
What’s So Upsetting?!!
What’s going on in any moment, that we would choose to start to eat, and eat, and eat…..or drink, and drink, and drink…..or smoke, obsess about a person, shop, internet, clean, facebook….
….want, want, want?
What is so disturbing about the moment we insist we need something to…..
WHAT??
We looked at this today, in our retreat.
What does that thing, person, activity…..give you?
People noticed they thought eating, in those compulsive moments, would give them comfort, reward, compensation, soothing.
What does believing that death-is-terrible give you?
Huh.
Why would I choose to think death-is-terrible is true?
It’s like there’s some kind of idea within that if I didn’t think death was terrible, I’d twiddle away the hours I’ve got, I wouldn’t care, I’d be weird, I wouldn’t get freaked out about loss, change, and things coming and going (people or animals).
I’m afraid I wouldn’t truly love, I’d be too detached.
But is that true?
Whether it’s death I find frightening, or this empty moment, or this gruesome image from a memory….
….when I believe my story that this situation is lousy, or bad for me….
….I become fear, loss, sadness, distress, drama, excitement.
That’s who I am when I’m believing my story.
Alone, confused, not exactly trusting of the universe and reality.
So who would I be without the belief that my mind, my thoughts, my story, the images I see, my fantasies about death, my fantasies about this moment (that invent the need for some compulsive behavior) are true?
Who would I be if I didn’t believe my stories?
Including the story of death?
Including the story of uncomfortable feelings and moments and situations and addiction?
I would be feeling, seeing, being myself, which includes for me nutty pictures (some frightening) and judgments racing by and a brain full of thinking (sometimes).
Noticing that even though I see pictures of what death might be like, or other people I love dying, and even though I wonder about death a lot….
….and even though it sometimes occurs to me that a moment is annoying, missing something, more than I can handle, or boring….
….I don’t have to believe it.
In fact, I often don’t.
I don’t have to do anything.
I don’t have to get up, or fix it quick, or eat something, or figure out how to handle it.
Without believing my thoughts, they are just there, being themselves.
Me, too.
Oh, and look at that.
The universe is being Itself, too, in all its wild mysterious glory, full of lives being lived temporarily (it seems) and moments happening only for an instant (even moments full of craving) and things morphing, moving, opening, closing, changing.
Turning the thoughts around in every way: death is wonderful, craving is wonderful, life is terrible, not-craving is terrible, my thinking about death is terrible, my thinking about craving is terrible.
Could these be just as true, or truer?
“She who is centered in the Tao can go where she wishes, without danger. She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart. Music or the smell of good cooking may make people stop and enjoy. But words that point to the Tao seem monotonous and without flavor. When you look for it, there is nothing to see. When you listen for it, there is nothing to hear. When you use it, it is inexhaustible.” ~ Tao Te Ching #35
Question your thinking, feel wonderful and open, rather than terrible and closed.
Question your belief in Not Enough….discover the truth.
I’m offering the three day Eating Peace retreat this coming Friday, Saturday and Sunday. This is a time to completely unplug from your usual ways with food and eating.
This morning I noticed a funny thought float through.
There aren’t enough people enrolled.
Not Enough.
The Not Enoughs are back, alive and well. The belief in Not Enough of something…..anything.
It’s such a common human idea.
Not enough money, not enough time, not enough love, not enough pleasure, not enough peace, not enough accomplishment.
You might have noticed this thought, even if you’ve never eaten a bite of anything compulsively.
As I sat in meditation on this upcoming retreat, something I always do before I’m about to teach, I felt the sweetness of looking forward to whoever shows up, and feeling the joy and inspiration of investigating thought….and eating very slowly together.
Yes, we practice mindful eating at the retreat.
And people attend this retreat who don’t even have intense “eating” issues, it’s so amazing to slow down in this basic human experience called eating.
In the retreat, I stay with everyone every step of the way, including when you’re eating midday and in the evening. Every bite is eaten together.
Something almost none of us do on a daily basis.
Something I never even imagined I would one day do in a retreat, where I’m the facilitator!!!
Sometimes, when people take this Eating Peace retreat, people report a life-changing HALT, almost like the brakes were put on, around the wild eating cycle of constant compulsive thinking and behavior with food.
Wild cycles of compulsive eating…..
…..that’s certainly what it used to be like for me, thirty years ago.
If someone had offered a live workshop on eating peace at the time, I would have thrown myself into it as soon as possible. I had nothing like that available to me. What was available was therapy (I am grateful and deeply appreciative to all the therapists who worked with me). I also found a group called Beyond Dieting that met weekly about freedom from compulsive thinking about food. There were books to read. There were 12 Step Meetings.
But nothing just for crazed eaters like me that would help stop the insanity for a whole day or more.
I had to go to an inpatient hospital program for that. And I did.
But not before a LOT of suffering.
When I was about 25, I moved. Again.
I had lived in dorm rooms, apartments, house-shares and lots of temporary type housing (interspersed by staying at my parent’s home) since I was 18.
But that year when I was 25 after finally graduating from college, I actually moved a long distance away, going from Washington to Colorado.
I’ll never forget the silent drive for 3 days, camping in my own tent by myself, and feeling the combined fear and excitement of being on the road and entirely free and uncertain.
It’s a wild, strange feeling.
I remember driving through Wyoming and seeing the mountains rise up in sharp, dramatic peaks. I was on small backroads for a certain length of time and I pulled my little car over and stopped and got out and stood in the wind.
A herd of antelope moved off in the distance between me, and the mountains. The wind blew loudly. It was completely silent. Not one other car in sight. Brown grass blowing chaotically like water all around.
I was on my way to Denver. I was on my way into a new life chapter.
For awhile, when I arrived, I had an excited momentum of newness surrounding me. I knew what to do each day.
Project: Get A Job. Get A Place To Live.
Basics like that can keep you very busy and concentrated.
No time for the haunting sense of failure or need to overeat or binge-eat, or smoke or drink (which were low-level things I used occasionally also at the time).
The horrible behavior had been binge-eating. I hated it and fought with it and really did not want to experience it ever again. I had seen therapists for it and learned a lot.
That was OVER now!
But after about six months of things settling down, having a basic job at the University of Denver and my own room in a beautiful Victorian house-share with 4 other people….
….one day my visitor appeared again.
The mean, bored, critical one who was also quite frightened and felt like a victim with a chip on her shoulder and wanted to eat.
She was a part of me. And she was back.
Uh-oh.
I thought I had obliterated her from the face of the earth. And locked the door and thrown away the key.
But here she was returning after my “geographical cure” of moving to a brand new city, starting to make new friends, take new classes, be a new person.
Dang it.
She was kind of angry (wouldn’t you be?) that I had ignored her and put her on hold for so long.
I found myself opening the cupboards of the kitchen in this beautiful house I lived in on Elizabeth Street, and seeing what my roommates had for food.
I stared at their boxes of cereal, or loaves of bread, or chunks of cheese on other peoples’ designated shelves in the refrigerator.
I shaved off a tiny slice, trying to make it so it wasn’t noticed, of banana bread from someone’s package.
My mind started to kick in…..
…..if I just eat a little bite from everyone’s food, they won’t notice.
I did that.
And guess what?
It wasn’t enough.
I wanted more.
I got into my car, in snow 8 inches deep on the ground in my first Denver winter, and started to drive.
I call this, now, the Searching Trance.
I would turn into a fast food restaurant, order something that sounded normal, pay for it through the cold roll down window, and start to eat it the minute I drove away.
Driving and eating and looking for the next place to buy something to eat.
My mind would spin with what sounded good and what I wasn’t allowed and where I could find it.
Is it here? Is it there? Is it around that corner?
Quick, quick, quick, quick.
The adrenaline was pumping and there was a sense of almost being about to get caught, and sneaking everything I wasn’t allowed to eat (to think).
My mind was on an escape mission.
I ate and ate from one end of town to the other, and headed back to my home.
Inside, thankfully, only one of my housemates was home and I managed to smile a big fake smile, say hello, and speed past them to head upstairs to my room. And the bathroom where I would turn on the shower so nobody could hear me, and make myself throw up food I had just eaten.
Then….I could rest.
That’s the thing about that cycle….I could finally rest and I would sleep very deeply almost like I got knocked over the head.
Nowadays I look back at that suffering and realize if only I could have discovered a way to stop, lie down, and relax….
….I could have gotten there without the food.
But I didn’t know how.
I so badly wanted to rest my MIND and my thinking, and it never worked to lock it up or try to control the thoughts by suppressing them and pushing them away or down or out of sight.
Eventually, still in Denver, I checked myself in to the hospital treatment program for addiction and eating disorders and lived there for an entire month.
Fortunately for me, my health insurance through my job at the university paid almost in full for the entire program, although it was crazy expensive.
It was a huge help for me to live my life daily without the binge-eating, and not as a geographical cure…..
…..instead I was surrounded by people who knew how I suffered.
Every hour of every day was filled with exercises, groups, activities, relaxation, therapy, conversations and intense sharing of the deep darkness I held in my heart about life.
I had to face the most sad and frustrating events from my past, and look at ways to handle my thoughts without needing or using eating or any other substances to “help” me get through life.
Now, the honest truth is…..
…..I engaged in every single addictive behavior again after a certain period of time back in “regular” life on the street after my inpatient experience.
But that was when I got really scared again and didn’t know how to be with my own feelings and thoughts.
I had no way to inquire at the time.
I just “believed” and went with it. I thought what I was thinking was true.
However, that immersion into time without binge-eating or using anything, ever, to escape gave me some solid ground to walk on.
I knew I was going to be OK.
I knew I could return to practicing the belief in “enough”.
I got myself into a group, I went to meetings, I found ways to get support and not panic with the deep belief in Not Enough.
Who would you be without your thought in Not Enough of something?
Are you sure you need it?
Are you sure it’s not possible for you to get what you need?
Are you sure you can’t handle this moment easily, without that thing you believe is missing or that you don’t have enough of?
Whether it’s money, time, love, safety or success…..
…..what if you turned the thought around, after you contemplate being without it altogether?
I DO have Enough.
That thing I don’t have enough of?
What if it needs more of ME?
More of my kindness, acceptance, attention, willingness to hang out with it.
That mean nasty one who used to come visit and want to binge-eat?
I notice she still shows up sometimes, although she never cares about eating and hasn’t binged in several decades…..
…..because she doesn’t need to scream that loudly anymore.
She’s softer. She’s not so dark and dreary.
She’s more easily amused, and her mind changes much more quickly.
I let her sit at the table with me for as long as she wants, and she can tell me all about what I’m missing and what she believes isn’t present enough in my life.
I give myself a lot of her……
……because she is me.
Because the ultimate turnaround is:
I need more of myself, in this situation.
I need to attend to me, love me, enjoy me, notice me, care for me, be in love with me, dance with me, eat with me, hug me, feel the enoughness of being alive even as life changes and moves every day.
When I feel this way, I love everyone and everything I come into contact with….
….whether it’s a small workshop full of inquirers, or a big one with 100 participants in it.
I’ve had both, and it’s a marvel either way.
This retreat has room, apparently, for more.
And it is perfectly enough as is.
Can you find it, in your life?
In my world, I can trust that exactly the people who show up are the ones who are supposed to be here, and no more or no less.
If you think you’re possibly supposed to be with me this weekend, hit reply, or join now, or call me 206-650-1230. To register, click HERE.
And meanwhile, no matter who or where you are….
….question your belief that you don’t have enough of something.
It doesn’t mean you SHOULD go without. You don’t know what will happen, with inquiry. It’s just an adventure in exploring beliefs.
You might be amazed at what you find.
“The way out of suffering is to be engaged in the process of ending suffering. The process is the outcome. In Life, the transformation occurs in the process.” ~ Cheri Huber in I Don’t Want To I Don’t Feel Like It
“The Master stays behind; that is why she is ahead. She is detached from all things; that is why she is one with them. Because she has let go of herself, she is perfectly fulfilled.” ~ Tao Te Ching #7
News Flash: Join me for a completely free Eating Peace Master Class Online on Sunday morning 8:30 am Pacific Time. You participate from the comfort of your home with any computer. You’ll receive a link to the webinar in your Inbox if you register. To sign up, click HERE.
Watch my little two minute video about it here:
You can find peace with compulsive eating (thinking). Join me on Sunday!
Why am I offering such a class?
Because I’m committed to supporting people end their misery around food, eating and body image.
To end all misery, in every area, really.
You probably know by now, my worst nightmare was living with terrible thoughts and feelings about eating, food, and how my body looked and performed athletically.
Always falling short, never good enough.
Unable to stop binge-eating and then swinging to total restriction and freaking out on heavy exercise.
You don’t have to have this experience with eating to know the pain of compulsive or “addictive” behavior.
….this state of grabbing can precede the urge to smoke, spend money, buy stuff, clean, surf the internet for hours, watch TV, drink, smoke, gamble, obsess, be sexual, think.
Addicts Anonymous….you know what I mean?
Yikes.
It’s really not a happy life in this cycle.
But if we knew what else to do, we’d do it.
The interesting trick I’ve found (and the only one that seems to hold up over time)?
Questioning Thoughts.
Wondering who I would be without them.
Noticing what’s right here, now, in front of my face and in my environment.
What I’m surrounded by that is Not Thinking.
At first, it was just puzzling.
Then….wondering who I was without thought became quite interesting.
Then….fascinating.
And then….just a feeling, a being.
Here. Present. Accounted For.
But don’t worry about all that.
We all think, we all believe, we all take ourselves very seriously, we’ve all fallen into fantasy worlds.
All it takes is practice to relax, just like walking.
As you use your imagination to experience what it’s like to be without your stressful thoughts….
….you get a glimpse of freedom.
If you’re not sure how and you’re especially interested in questioning thoughts about food and eating….
….come join me on Sunday morning for The Work of Byron Katie on food and eating.
We’ll take at least one deeply stressful core belief to inquiry, so you’ll know what to do the next time you’re suffering.
And the next.
And the next.
You can do this.
Right now….who would you be without your thoughts? What’s going on around you, in you, through you?
Are you laughing yet?
And if you aren’t, there’s nothing wrong with you.
Thoughts about someone else doing unmentionable addictive things? Do The Work for freedom!
Do you have someone in your life who repeatedly acts a certain way, and you find it disturbing?
Almost funny to ask the question….because if you give yourself even a few minutes to consider it….you can probably find it.
Yeah, now that you mentioned it….
Amazing, though, how frightening it is for people to see this part of the mind that objects to someone else and what they’re doing, or saying, or feeling.
But give yourself the amazing gift of inquiry today, if you’ve noticed some small (or large) behavior in someone else you don’t appreciate or like.
It doesn’t mean you are a bad person, if you have something like this you notice, if you have something about another person that bothers you.
Not at all.
It means you’re a human being, with a brain.
Long ago I was dating someone who was very caustic, opinionated, intense, and hilarious, and in a great deal of pain–in both my opinion and his opinion.
I had The Work, so I knew to question my thoughts.
I did quite a few worksheets on this guy!
Because of the number of worksheets and stressful thoughts about him, there were a few times when I thought “I should give up!”
What good was this to repeat the same complaints over and over again about this individual?
The thing is, that’s a nice thought to have, EXCEPT….
….giving up doesn’t really work either.
“You either question your thoughts, or you believe them….there is no other choice.” ~ Byron Katie
Your thoughts don’t just decide to dissolve, diminish or go away never to reappear again if you think “it’s no use, I can’t get rid of these thoughts.”
Because you’re trying to get rid of them!
How do you feel when someone tries to get rid of you?
So let’s take a look at a situation when someone is doing that super irritating thing again, or that discouraging thing, and you feel upset about it.
The place I found it repeating itself for me?
He shouldn’t be addicted.
I know other humans suffer deeply with this belief about people they love.
She shouldn’t drink. He shouldn’t smoke. They shouldn’t use drugs. He shouldn’t engage in that activity. She should stop cleaning,trying to be perfect, exercising, working. He should stop watching TV, gambling, having affairs.
The person I thought of over and over again who should not be addicted was troubled by his pornography use. He paid a lot of money for it, he went on binges with it, he swung from zero sexual contact to compulsive sexual contact with other people.
He was incredibly unhappy, he reported.
Yet, he couldn’t stop signing up for membership porn sites, and paying for sexual encounters, or even masturbating.
I know this may seem shameful to speak of, but replace this obsessive activity with eating, or drinking, or smoking. Just notice anything you feel the urge to hide.
It’s the same kind of shame.
Having the judgments feels shameful, too. I shouldn’t be judging him for this. I shouldn’t bring it up. Ew.
But there I was, dating someone with this kind of compulsion to do things that felt sexually stimulating.
I had a few thoughts.
He should control himself. He’s disgusting. He should have real relationships with people (with me) instead of using people to get off all the time. He should quit pushing for peak experiences and become interested in the valleys as-where most of us live. He should quit participating in the sick sex industry. He is immature, gross, inaccessible, unable to be intimate. I don’t ever want to date a man who uses porn again.
Phew.
See, I can still find the thoughts all right there, as I remember this relationship and how I saw him even though it was many, many years ago. The situation is still accessible to me.
Step #1: get all the vicious, mean, nasty, discouraged thoughts out on paper. Write it all down. All of it.
Step #2: One concept at a time, have someone walk you through inquiry–the four questions.
Like this.
Is it true that he should stop doing that behavior?
Yes. Dear God, yes.
Some mothers and fathers feel this way about their addicted kids. So much terror and angst, they might walk the streets at 2 am trying to find their kid. So much sadness.
Are you sure, are you absolutely positive this is true?
If you say yes again, no problem.
I understand.
I do see, from doing this work, that Reality appears to have addictive people living in it.
Reality includes a mind that believes, and gets so upset it thinks to escape with some activity or substance.
So for me, personally, I’m not really sure it’s absolutely true anymore. I also see how addiction brought me to my knees, and then to God/Reality/Source/Freedom.
How do you react when you believe he or she should not be operating the way they are operating, in the throes of addiction?
Screaming on the inside.
One huge “noooooo!”
Frightened half to death, enraged, wanting to hit something.
Who would you be without these thoughts?
Who would you be without the belief that this person you care about should stop that activity?
Who would you be in that same situation when they are doing it, or you learn about them doing it, and you aren’t hating it, or against it with all your might?
What if it was not personal?
Sometimes in this question, people think…..but….
….I would walk away, if I didn’t have this belief, and this would be terrible and even worse, and very sad.
I would quit fighting, and if I quit fighting I wouldn’t be there for them, or help them, and I’d be all alone. I would be the one who abandoned them. Oh no, I couldn’t do that, I have to keep the thought “they should stop” or else they (and I) will go to hell in a hand basket!
But are you sure THAT is true?
Do you really think everything is on YOU to be The One to turn that person around?
Are you the one in charge here?
I noticed, I wasn’t.
When I did this work in earnest, I suddenly realized, in this question four, that I had no idea how to be with my friend without the thought that he needed my help.
Wow.
Some might call that a big ego. Heh heh.
But I was willing to find out what it was like without being a “helper” or being someone who thought this other person needed to change.
Because, as mentioned, the way I was when I believed the thought also did not work. At all.
Instead of listening to long explanations of what, why or how this man I cared about entered his addictive behavior, I let it all rest.
(All those conversations were really incredible, by the way, and enlightening, and I saw how much I shared with him around wanting to escape the world).
Instead of having an End Goal to have this behavior stop, I stopped.
The relationship completely changed.
And then, ended in its current format.
No need for further communication.
No talking, no phone calls, no seeing each other….as it turned out.
Turning the thoughts around about this man and his pornography use:
I should control myself from being so addicted to helping him. He’s not disgusting. I should have real relationships with people (and with myself) instead of using helping people to get off all the time.
Wow.
I should quit pushing for peak experiences (bliss and happiness) and become interested in the valleys–where I usually live. I should quit participating in his sick sex industry by getting all freaked out about it.
I am immature, gross, inaccessible, unable to be intimate with him, or with myself (especially when I have a constant agenda of him not using).
And finally, I am willing to be in contact with people who are using porn again. I look forward to being in contact with them.
That’s 100% true.
Because I learned so much about compulsive sexual behavior from that amazing man, I have the ability to support people through inquiry and exploring their addictive process, without judgment.
I know it’s exactly the same as I was with food.
And it’s not like I haven’t had thoughts about sexuality and sexual experience–everyone has thoughts about this, all worthy of questioning if what you’re thinking is stressful.
It’s exactly the same as I’ve been over and over again with believing my stories are true.
“If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them. If you want to lead the people, you must learn how to follow them.” ~ Tao Te Ching #66
Ahhhhh yes.
I had learned also that sexuality was shameful, and worthy of hiding, and never discussing. I’ve pretended I didn’t have huge desires and passions for ecstatic experience of all kinds. I’ve been pulled into craving and fantasy, and worried it was wrong.
No different.
Thank you inquiry, for leveling out the playing field.
without your stressful story, maybe all you have is a beautiful wishing rock
You might be able to tell, there’s a theme lately going on in Grace Notes or Eating Peace videos on youtube.
Retreat.
On the inside.
But you may not be so happy about that theme if you feel like you’re not doing it right.
If you feel like you’re completely pissed off, agitated, anxious or depressed. Or on attack mode (the opposite of retreat) running forward trying to get it handled, or fixed, or done forever.
I get it.
The other day I thought a stream of thoughts, all of which were along the same vein….
….like the way there are veins in the old granite rock up near Ross Lake in the wilderness, driving distance from my home.
Up near Ross Lake, huge slabs of rock are exposed, with a highway cutting through the edge that winds up through the mountains.
College and high school classes go there for the observation and learning about geology of the region, where the under-layers of earth pushed and cracked to the surface and became exposed.
Huge veins of deep or light color run through the rock.
Like the pebbles you see on beaches that have one line running through the pebble that’s different from the rest of the rock, making the pebble appear to have a ring around it.
Since I was little, the kids all said “pick up this kind of pebble, make a wish, and throw it over your left shoulder into the water….your wish will come true.”
Wishing rocks.
Who said so?
Maybe someone many generations back, or far, far back into so many years ago we don’t even remember.
That one thread running through the rock was so solid, so beautiful, so permanent, so colorful.
As I was noticing a thread of thinking running through my own mind, I suddenly had the vision of one of these pebbles….
….or a whole side of a mountain, like near Ross Lake, that had a thick vein of color running through it in massive proportion.
My thoughts were thick and tight and strong, and repetitive, like this vein.
Sigh.
They went like this:
Life is kind of dull, like the weather. I don’t feel like (fill in the blank). Maybe I should get a different regular normal job (I always love when this thought comes in). How about a cup of coffee? Yeah, that’s it. It’s not possible to be on retreat at all times. It’s too boring, too slow, and not practical. There are too many things I want to do in life, and I need to clean. And pay bills. My cottage is too small. The carpet needs vacuuming. Nothing ever works out perfectly.
Yeah.
It was that self-piteous. Piss. Moan.
It continued.
My clients and students who are angry right now, or having a hard time, especially those who experience a contentious relationship with eating?
There’s no solution. They’re right. Life is hard. Holidays are difficult. Family is troubling. People are complicated. Addiction is not easy to overcome. Compulsion is too strong to address. It’s too hard to change one’s story.
And while we’re at it, can I mention that I hate shopping?
BEEEEEEEPPPPPP.
Did you hear the loud horn?
It was the kind that is built to scare away bears in the wilderness.
You hear it?
It means “stop now”.
Because these kinds of thoughts are strong, compelling and they have babies faster than you can say Jack Robinson.
(Which, by the way, do you know where the saying comes from “faster than you can say Jack Robinson?” From the 1600s in England. Talk about passing along ancient impressive history and old stories through phrases, like the line in the hard rock lasting for generations into the future, even if we no longer know who Jack Robinson is anymore).
Pause.
Even though everything is happening.
Even though you are getting on and off airplanes, or wishing you could and you aren’t.
Even though you are upset with the weather, and worried about global warming, and its not snowing where you live anymore, or snowing too much.
Even though you were fired, or your love of you life divorced you. Even though you lost your hearing, or your health. Even though you can’t read every amazing classic book ever written. Even though you don’t know what to get your kid for Christmas. Even though you’re sick of decorations all around you when you do not even celebrate this holiday. Even though you ate too many cookies at the office party.
Just stop.
Do you notice how you react when you think it’s hopeless?
Do you notice what happens in your body when you believe the world is a dangerous place, or disappointing?
Ow.
When I believe these kinds of thoughts, there’s a crushing weight of self-criticism, responsibility, grief.
So who would you be without these thoughts?
Without beliefs that pack tightly together and create a line inside a rock?
What if you just caught that chatter that says “I’m sick of it” and wonder who you are without the belief?
Because there are already huge parts of you without the belief.
My pinky finger on my right hand, for example, doesn’t have any of these thoughts.
I also didn’t have these thoughts yesterday when curling up in bed to go to sleep after a productive day.
I didn’t have the thought when walking into the gym, or listening to one of my best friend’s messages about her own thoughts with love and acceptance.
Or when I noticed the beauty of red car tail lights filling the night streets. I’m not kidding.
You don’t even really have to work so incredibly hard to wonder what it would be like to not have these kinds of solid, ancient thoughts.
Because there is already a great part of you, far bigger than the energy of this thinking, that doesn’t have any of these thoughts.
Who are YOU anyway, who believes it has stressful thoughts?
Are you sure YOU have them?
Where are they?
I notice they are only an energy, zipping through.
I notice they only come into vein-formation if I begin to follow them, and believe them, and take them seriously.
The other day a student wrote to me “I feel like breaking something!”
“How do you know you’re supposed to be angry? You are!” ~ Byron Katie to me when asking her about my own anger and how to get rid of it.
Just because I think it, I feel it, doesn’t mean I AM IT.
Turning the thoughts around….
Life is full of movement, like the weather. I do feel like (fill in the blank). I am not the one in charge. Nothing is required. There are no solutions to “life”. It IS possible to be on retreat at all times, it’s already actually happening, I don’t have to try. My thoughts are profuse, and that’s fun. Only my mental noise and mind believes them, not the rest of me. I will never be “done”. My mind is too small, my mind needs vacuuming. Everything works out perfectly.
Pause a moment longer, now that you’ve been pausing to consider your thoughts, and not taking them seriously.
Take a very deep breath.
Relax your entire body. Hold still a moment.
Even if your mind yells and makes noise and comments and gestures and demands you get up and do something….
…..notice how you do not have to act like it’s true.
“Practice not doing, and everything will fall into place.” ~ Tao Te Ching #3
My 100th Podcast Episode. Peace Talk is a short (less than 10 minutes) talk about inner peace, in every situation. Thanks for listening. Keep writing with your topics and questions, I love hearing from you.
********
thank you everyone for sharing your stressful thoughts, for they are mine, too, it turns out
“This is a LOT of work”said the handsome young man sitting on my couch.
Our session had just come to an end, after going into overtime.
He said it with a sigh and a slightly dejected sense of disappointment in his voice.
Like….dang it.
I was hoping for a change of heart after this.
Immediately, I thought about how I could have used the session more productively by saying a little more about The Work in the first place, by explaining it better (not true).
What I had not known was he knew just about nothing about The Work, but was still somehow drawn to come see me.
He knew I once had a food thing of some kind.
He had a drinking and smoking thing.
I could see the pack of Camel Straights in his shirt pocket, the kind I used to smoke myself so many years ago.
He wanted it to be over.
He wanted it to be a thing that was No Longer A Thing.
Like that old terrible relationship you remember you once had, and it was violent and troubling, and now it’s been 20 years, or 2 years, and you actually kind of smile when you think of that person.
Addictive compulsive behavior is like this.
It’s so painful, so full of suffering and angst and self-hatred, that anyone experiencing even a little tiny bit of trancing into something addictive, whether a substance or a behavior, would think “this has to stop” when you snap out of the trance.
It doesn’t just stop though, right?
Nope.
Not if you want to skip over the part in which you discover what you’re thinking, believing and feeling that causes the unrest in the first place, that fuels the reaching for the thing that will help you forget awhile about your thoughts.
It also won’t stop if you persistently think you are alone AND you should be able to figure this out by yourself.
It won’t stop if you think you should pull it together and feel gratitude for how much you have (whats-wrong-with-you-anyway).
And it won’t stop if you HATE uncomfortable feelings, or feelings of terror and failure and vulnerability.
Because those feelings are what often happen right before you reach for the thing, so you’ll have to be with them.
This sweet man had emailed me before our first session and asked if he should fill out any forms beforehand, to save time, or do anything to prepare.
I sent him a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet and said he could spend time filling it out and to pick something other than himself.
Guess what he said as he sat down on my couch to begin the session?
“I couldn’t find anyone at all in my life I have trouble with, thank God. I have such an amazing life. I have so many people I love and who love me. I have it pretty good.”
Oh boy, here it comes I thought….
“It is me I have a problem with. Just me. So I answered the questions on this sheet about myself.”
So now today, instead of talking about how I found it so much easier to do The Work on the world, which turned out to Be Me anyway, and give you a suggestion on Not Doing It On Yourself…..
…..I’m going to do my own work.
Which is really the quickest, easiest, most productive, direct way.
And yes, it’s called The Work because it appears to require some time and attention and care.
But I really have no choice, because it’s either do this, or fuss internally and get irritated.
Maybe I stay irritated, maybe I fuss, but at least one way there’s a chance of rain.
Without questioning my thoughts….it’s a drought and maybe rain comes eventually, but who knows.
I’m in a hurry.
So here we go.
People should stop doing The Work on themselves!!
They should stop being so harsh and critical of themselves. They should join the human race and be normal mediocre humans. They shouldn’t think they owe a debt or are extra privileged and guilty, they shouldn’t try so hard, they should relax and enjoy this amazing life while they’re here.
If they’re addicted and they don’t want to be, they should f*%&ing stop using the thing they’re addicted to and WRITE DOWN THEIR THOUGHTS when they think “I have to smoke”.
They should understand that their thoughts and feelings are driving them crazy, not the substance. They should stop being so frightened, so discouraged, and so hard on themselves.
Let’s do The Work.
These people should stop insisting on doing The Work on themselves.
Is that true?
No.
How do I know?
It’s not happening.
Plus, I’ve watched concepts I’ve had about ME float through my consciousness, and been aware of questioning them, and how powerful it’s been.
I should have explained the process of self-inquiry using The Work much better to that new client…..is that true?
No. I didn’t.
How do I react when I believe people should stop doing The Work on themselves?
Irritated. Wanting to explain. Thinking that explanations would solve the problem.
Remembering my own life when I thought all it would take to be happy was me being different, doing therapy, me being strong, disciplined, full of willpower, determined, intentional, driven, clear.
With the thought, pictures of another friend pass through my mind.
A friend very, very determined to become enlightened.
I feel angry at her effort and her pushing, her bossy ways, her spouting off her opinions about other people and who is awake or not awake (ugh).
That same friend, I realize suddenly, sees herself in the same way this young man sees himself.
Not There Yet.
“I just need someone to kick my ass…” he said.
Really?
Pause.
Deep breath.
I got a little worked up there for a minute, reacting to the thought “people should stop doing The Work on themselves.”
So who would I be without the thought?
Without any thought that they should be any different than they are, that they should think any differently about themselves, or stop being so harsh and critical and controlling.
Without the thought they should stop thinking they need their ass to be kicked?
What would that feel like, as I sit picturing them in this moment?
I see myself over there, in their shoes.
I see someone with a huge enormous heart, so big they don’t want to judge others or hurt others.
I see someone full of passion, someone wanting to give to the world, someone understandably tired of their own fears, worries, doubts and false stories.
I think of this young man, and my friend, and sense their discouragement.
I feel compassion without the belief they should be any different than they are, including self-critical.
I feel lightness, too.
If I just got here from another planet, without any thought that these humans should be less critical of themselves….
….I would notice that’s not reality here.
Without these thoughts….
….I’d facilitate this man on his belief that he just needs to get organized.
I turn it around: people should keep doing The Work on themselves.
I should not be so harsh and critical of them, or of me. I should join them, being a normal mediocre human rather than a know-it-all.
They should think they owe, and I owe them and others and myself as well. I should keep trying hard, and so should my friend. I should relax and enjoy this amazing life, and these amazing people who are so brilliant, while they’re here.
I should stop using what I’m addicted to (My Brilliant Stories) and write them down and question them instead.
DOH!
I should understand how my thoughts are the things that hurt….and not even really those. I should stop being so hard on them, on me, on her, on him.
I shouldn’t do The Work on myself, as I’ve learned how it’s got this underlying motive that I need to change.
Or what the heck, maybe I SHOULD do The Work on myself, and see what happens with the critical voice that sees things so imperfectly sometimes, including me. See what’s left of it.
“The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is, is what we want…….There is only one mind, and people are going to tell us what we haven’t dealt with yet in their own thinking.” ~ Byron Katie
People are so dear, so adorable.
Aren’t we amazing, aren’t we all incredible in how sincerely we desire to be the best version of ourselves possible?
And I love and appreciate, bowing to the ground in gratitude, that this improvement is not all up to me.
