My very first stress when it came to food, eating, weight, body, fitness…..all started with believing I should look better, different, perfect, strong, and fit.
Before that, I was a little nervous about food and eating, and aware as a kid that being overweight wasn’t good according to the world of grown ups….
….but I didn’t really care about having a “good” body until teenage years.
But you can get stuck in that teenage mode of striving for the perfect “look” forever, if you don’t sink deeper into a more honest look at weight, body image, or your looks and what it means.
In this video, I make one suggestion on how to work with comparing your body with some other more perfect body out there in the world, on the TV screen, in the movies, at the gym.
Wouldn’t you rather find acceptance, appreciation and joyful laughter about having a body versus that crazed drive for looking your best?
The thing is, if you hate feeling any of these feelings, you may do anything….like I used to do….NOT to feel them.
Such as eat. When not hungry.
Or figure out whatever will alter your mood, change the channel, reboot.
We think of these compulsive activities as the quick, “easy” way. Using a behavior or substance to refocus the mind and get away from that other dreadful feeling.
But what if it’s actually the harder way, in the end?
Instead, I could sit with the feelings and not only express them, but find out what I was thinking that produced them in the first place, and look at it deeply, closely.
If this isn’t about destroying, crushing, suppressing, changing or fixing any feelings….
….but allowing them to be as they are….
….maybe we’d even feel appreciation for the full range of feelings in this life.
And not try to make any of them go away. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the heart-breaking, the heart-mending.
Who would you be without your stressful thoughts about your feelings?
I know I keep mentioning the Eating Peace Retreat in January in the Pacific Northwest. There are 3 spots left, and no private onsite rooms. Commuters are welcome, though.
And here’s why I talk about it.
Because I’m not only very excited for the new content and ways to share with those who attend, giving you insight into how you can take the practice of questioning your thoughts with you, in every moment (including eating)….
….but also because I know people receive what’s possible at the retreat from the neck down.
You stop staying up in that head which is yelling at you.
The mind that says things like:
“Did you see what you ate last night? What were you thinking? You did it right in front of all those people, too….have you no shame? You should fast every year in December. Rather than stuff your face. Do you know how many times you’ve done this? Yeah….too many to count. You’re pathetic.”
Ow.
Double ow.
It’s really not that funny. It’s dreadful, vicious, and nasty.
I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and immediately think “ugh” instead of “oh hello you lovely person!”
It almost doesn’t even matter what’s in the mirror, it’s a judgment, an assessment, based on deep conditioning about what you’re supposed to think of as beautiful or ugly.
But what if you can’t do it wrong?
Especially if you think you failed lately (you’re gaining weight, you’re eating a lot during the holiday season, you’re going off your food plan, you binged yesterday).
For those of you feeling extremely discouraged during December, try this for a change.
It’s called Not Fighting.
And, I’m so thrilled about the art practice I will bring into our retreat, by living this from the neck down. And movement. And being in the presence of food and eating in a peaceful way for 3.5 whole days.
Let’s do this together.
If you want the experience of disconnecting yourself from your thinking….come to the Eating Peace Retreat in January. You won’t regret it. (The mind loves regret).
When I used to be invited to a potluck, a feast, a celebration, a party, a huge dinner, a brunch, a birthday….OK, you name it, a place where there was food all over….
….I started getting anxious about the food long before I went.
If it’s really good, I’ll eat from one end of the room to the other, all the while faking like I’m normal, and then ditch out of there.
I won’t eat anything at all. I’ll have a salad. I’ll drink soda water with lemon slices.
I’ll call and ask them beforehand to make some special no-skin chicken or other specially prepared food that’s plain, non-triggering, and pure or healthy or “right”.
Arrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!
What I really wanted was to NOT BE THINKING ABOUT IT BEFORE IT HAPPENED.
I didn’t want to be concerned in any way with the food.
I wanted to relax today, in the present moment, and eat when hungry and stop eating when full, and enjoy food and eating immensely.
Well….when you’ve used food for emotional safety and comfort, when you’ve used food to replenish you after you’ve been starving yourself, when you’ve used food to help you with your feelings….it’s going to have a pretty big role in your life.
First thing to do: don’t beat yourself up into a pulp.
Seriously, if you knew any better, you would have done it differently long ago.
Food has been reliable in many ways, and YOU are not a terrible awful person for relying on it.
Today I share with you one kind of funny way to handle big food events, feasts, and times when food is a gigantic focus (and by the way, these will eventually be absolutely wonderful celebrations for you, too, in a very normal way).
I call it the Slowing Down step, which is the first step in a series of seven I sometimes talk about when it comes to healing food and eating.
And here’s the fun news: I’m inspired to offer an entirely free MasterClass on all seven steps to Eating Peace.
If you’d like to register for the MasterClass, please click here. We’ll meet on Wednesday, November 23rd at 1:00 pm. Please set aside 90 minutes.
Can’t wait to bring you this masterclass training, it will be the very first time I’m doing it in this particular format, and I hope it gives you fantastic practices for any upcoming feast (or any discomfort with food and eating)!
Even if you can’t make it to the MasterClass, watch here for the first Slowing Down step and how you can bring it to your next feast. (Hint: there’s a little bit of Step Seven in what I share here today….they all become a big process together, bringing you thinking, feeling and eating peace).
Have you often wondered why you’re eating, or why you ate the food you ate, or why you ate the way you ate?
If you’ve experienced compulsion with food, you’ve certainly wondered these things many times.
The answer to this question, for me, has really become quite simple.
The reason I’m eating (or doing anything compulsive that I really don’t want to do, or isn’t healthy for me) is because I am AFRAID!
I’ve felt threatened by something.
I’m nervous.
This might have happened many years ago, or very recently.
But my view of a relationship, a task, a request, an activity, a dynamic about life and the world….
….is fearful.
Here’s an amazing question to ask that can really help uncover the truth of what you’re thinking and believing when you feel like doing something (in this case eating).
Eating Agony can turn into Eating Peace….you have what it takes to quit hurting yourself with your thinking, with your eating, and change your life
The first Eating Peace course I taught was in 2010, six years ago.
I can raise my hand and say with all honesty, even though some people benefitted, I was a total beginner and it wasn’t anywhere near as good and clear as the program is now.
Ugh.
It was not actually called Eating Peace back then. It was called “Too Much Not Enough”….because what I had found in my own recovery from horrible eating was that the way I ate had to do with what I was thinking.
What I was thinking was…..there was Too Much of something OR Not Enough of something in my reality, in my world.
Or both. Usually, both.
Too Much of something right in the very moment I was eating, or wanting to eat, when I wasn’t hungry. And Not Enough of something in the very same moment.
It’s like some kind of centered internal balance was GONE. Vaporized. The pendulum was swinging out of whack.
Too Much of what, or Not Enough of WHAT….you might be asking?
A most excellent and brilliant question.
What I believed was Too Much was most often the following:
big feelings, pressure, requests from others, too many demands, advice, danger, threat, boredom, disappointment, rebellion. The biggest feelings I had the worst time dealing with were anger and fear and every variation of either one (anxiety, nerves, rage, irritation).
What I believed was Not Enough in situations where I found myself eating when not hungry were the following:
my ability to stop the cycle, my capacity to love myself, receiving unconditional love from anyone, not enough time, not enough genuine attention, not enough kindness or forgiveness, not enough willingness to let something go. The feelings I felt most unhappy with that there weren’t enough of were love and acceptance.
My whole entire view of reality was it was flawed….and unfortunately so was I. Something was missing (Not Enough) or something was present that shouldn’t be (Too Much).
One of the best ways you can begin to explore your inner world (and get ready to be shocked by how this actually affects your eating–for the better) is to honestly examine your mind.
People believe they need a mate, money, time, kindness, a bigger house, a better job, world peace, no war…..in order to be truly happy.
People believe they must eliminate sadness, poverty, violence, and their own qualities of not-enoughness in order to be truly happy.
What I know is, if you’re waiting for life to be perfectly in balance according to your definition of Just Right….
….you’ll be waiting forever.
When I ate because I was angry, terrified, bored or hurting….I didn’t have the conscious thoughts “here’s what I think is too much for me right now, or not enough of right now”.
I just started eating. The belief sped by under the surface, and I quick started eating before I could see it. My feelings ruled everything, they were wild and frightening and very big.
The only way I’ve found to get started on unraveling this deep level of how I feel about life, and how this affects the way I ate, was to start by identifying the thoughts running in my mind—the stressful, troubling, harsh ones I felt about life.
We start to do this in the Eating Peace Core TeleClass.
And like I said, after six years teaching eating peace and the improvements I’ve made, and experience I’ve had along the way working with others, I am better at working and guiding people now than I was six years ago when I first wanted to share recovery with the world.
I’ve heard the same kinds of thoughts over and over again by working with many people, and I recognize the similarities those of us who eat off-balance have about food, eating and the body.
Sure, there are variations. Some people have never been super heavy in weight because they’ve vomited or over-exercised. Some people have under-eaten most of their lives and felt extreme tension around food. Some people have been chronically overweight or even obese, or yo-yo’d up and and down and been on a thousand diets.
But even if the symptoms and the appearance looks different, they are all sides of the same coin.
The coin that says “something is wrong with reality here”. There’s too much, or not enough. I can’t handle this. I’m too scared. I’m too angry. Life is too hard.
I call the Eating Peace Core TeleClass the “core” teleclass because we dive into the basic first-level beliefs most of us carry who have eaten weirdly.
When I first started out teaching, I wanted so badly for everyone to find relief and freedom, I hardly talked about myself. I didn’t share what I really thought when someone was struggling, even though I had lots of experience. We needed to question reality, after all….this wasn’t about the food! But it was jumping over too big a canyon, and people didn’t get what I was talking about.
Wait, isn’t this about eating?
I learned along the way to move back and forth between questions of life, and questions about eating, and to listen very closely with every group and class for the unique flavors and concerns of every person present. I learned that it was never the same, but it was helpful to present the patterns I saw come forward, and share these with everyone, every time.
So, that’s what we do in this Eating Peace Core Teleclass. I’m sharing with you what I found very helpful to begin with on my road to recovery, and how to practice it in an ongoing way.
For the first two weeks (Module One) we look at our relationship to the food/eating/diet plan. Everyone shares theirs with me. We dialogue back and forth about it. You will make a commitment to explore why you eat too much when you do, or why you eat too little when you do. What takes you out of a peaceful, balanced, normal way of eating?
Weeks 3 and 4 (Module Two) we identify our judgments about bodies. This is fascinating, to write what we think about someone’s body who is “overweight” and what we think about “perfect” bodies. Where did you learn how to see this way? Finding out brings huge ah-ha’s and insight for many.
During weeks 5 and 6 (Module Three) we remember moments of eating with our family of origin. What was it like when we were young, with mom and dad, or other huge influencers in our lives? What did these people say, or model, about eating or reasons to eat?
Finally the last two weeks (Module Four) we get to really sink into what we think there’s too much of in our lives, and not enough of in our lives. What’s missing, what’s overwhelming? We get to make a list and see what our thought-system holds.
Only by identifying clearly all our beliefs can we take them to inquiry and actually QUESTION them. When we question our thinking, we can change our vision, and change our eating, and change our lives.
Everyone who takes Eating Peace Core Teleclass will get weekly exercises and then we’ll go through the actual inquiry process on our live phone calls using The Work of Byron Katie. You’ll know how to begin working with your eating in your daily life, and begin the journey of the road home to eating peace.
Peace means never eating so much you hurt yourself, and never eating so little you hurt yourself.
This Eating Peace Core Teleclass will be the last until the fall. We meet Mondays 5:30 – 7:00 pm Pacific Time for 8 weeks beginning tomorrow, May 9th. Room for 2 more people. Please write to me if you really want to enroll, but you can’t afford the fee ($395). It’s my privilege to help everyone who suffers from eating battles, food fears, body hatred and criticism, to question their beliefs and change their eating.
This course is also excellent for those wanting this support, but not ready to take the full Eating Peace Online TeleProgram offered for the past two winters. This long course, covering more than 3 months together from November through February, is a very comprehensive practice combining the best practices and spiritual principles of a mindful, feeling-full, peaceful life with food. It’s a program of transformation and everyone who joins Eating Peace Online gets access to life, so no matter where you are in your journey….you can take the time you need to come home.
And what IS eating peace anyway? What does it look like?
I know you understand the word “peace” and what it feels like. Peace is soft, kind, supportive, loving, empty and nourishing at the same time. It’s the absence of war.
Eating Peace is the absence of debate, argument, attack, violence or fighting with food or the act of eating. I used to fight with every thought I had about eating and my weight or my body.
What I was really fighting with, was my experience of my life and reality. I could not see much peace in reality, so there wasn’t much peace in my eating either.
Listen here as I share some of what eating peace is like, now, and can be for you, too. Everyone has this birthright. You are born able to eat peacefully.
If you’ve had questions about food plan, and getting one….there are many ways you can land on what really works for you. I share an introduction to this in the video today.
If you want to know more about the Eating Peace Core Teleclass, you can read all about it and sign up here ($395 for 8 weeks, and please write to me if you absolutely cannot afford the fee, I am always open to considering options with you, if you deeply want to participate). Click HERE to read about the course, and register (and there’s a short summary of the modules below, too).
Much love, Grace
Eating Peace Core TeleClass:
Module One: (weeks one and two) Underlying Beliefs that fuel eating off-balance and the Food Plan. Should you follow a food plan, or not? I’ll share when it’s a good idea, and when not. I’ll also share the most common underlying beliefs I’ve found that create eating havoc. You’ll send me your peaceful food plan and I’ll share mine with you.
Module Two: (weeks three and four) Judging Bodies. What are your thoughts about how you should look, or what those other people look like? What do you think of other perfect bodies? We’ll explore why we
Module Three: (weeks five and six) Who Taught You? Here we look at what we innocently learned from those around us, whether family of origin or society or both. We learn to disconnect our actions from what we thought was “truth” about eating.
Module Four: (weeks seven and eight) Peace Beyond Beliefs. We look even deeper at the underlying beliefs, including what we’re thinking there’s Not Enough or Too Much of in our lives that isn’t food.
Teaching Eating Peace Retreat recently in California was magnificent.
I always love who appears to share the freedom of slowing down, stopping, holding still on a moment and identifying the thoughts that come alive in the presence of food.
Memories from the past, the people who raised us, the experience of being with food and eating it can all be present in this moment now, when we’re eating.
Together, we went back and looked at situations and our history, and at what we projected into the future that might happen that seemed scary.
If you’re wondering how to do this….today I’m sharing my January Eating Peace talk from the Institute for The Work convention (Byron Katie and certified facilitators in the audience). I didn’t know it would be filmed when I was there, but so honored it was and so happy to share it with you now.
This is the way to begin to understand and end your experience of eating off-balance.
Knowing you can discover peace with everything, including food and your body.
