Tag: bulimia

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How to find out what makes you eat (or do anything you don’t really want to do)

“I am the source of my pain, but only all of it. One hundred percent.” ~ Byron Katie 

Sometimes, when people read a statement like this out of context, they say things to themselves like……

……”That’s so true. I am my worst enemy. What a schmuck I am, causing myself such turmoil. I wish I was different. It’s hopeless. My life sucks.”

But you know, of course, it’s not the intention that you feel bad about yourself and take this personally.

Often, when we feel frightened or nervous about conditions of life, we automatically get defensive, or attack something….anything.

This moment, this condition, this situation is WRONG!

And so am I!

But the more I work with people in mindful inquiry (and feeling deeply) the more I see that every time there’s a compulsive movement towards something, like binge-eating for example, or obsessive thinking, or other addictive behaviors…..

…..the thing we miss is what was so dang scary that eating felt like the better choice.

Could it be that the self-hatred or judgmental stream of thoughts or compulsive behavior actually covers up something more frightening, that we’d rather not think about at all?

What I found in my own internal excavation was….yes.

Big time.

I had a huge amount of fear, anxiety, resentments and unacknowledged grief about things that had happened in my life.

And I had never spoken of them to anyone, and certainly hadn’t done The Work on them.

No wonder I wanted to eat like a maniac sometimes (or starve myself, or smoke, or move to another town, or start making plans for something in a non-peaceful way, or spend time thinking about how to improve myself).

The other day, I read a quote that most humans would love to take the easy, fast solution to a problem that’s highly unlikely to work, than a slow, hard solution to a problem that’s guaranteed to work.

Isn’t that crazy?

We really hate the idea that something might take awhile, that something might be a practice over time.

Believe me, I tried all the fast solutions. I still lean that way at times, depending on the moment, before I realize “oh, right, there is no fast miraculous solution….time to slow down and take it one step at a time.”

If you’re wondering where to look more closely to find out what’s running below the surface, the underlying thoughts and fears you’d rather not see….

….and yet, you really DO want to see them in the end….

….then watch here today for one exercise that may help. It’s something a therapist did with me many years ago. It will slow you way down, and you may make some discoveries about what’s driving you to eat, be stuck, do that compulsive thing, avoid change.

A little exercise to help you uncover some underlying stressful beliefs that may be driving you to uncomfortable behavior
An exercise to help you uncover underlying stressful beliefs that may be driving you to compulsive thinking or behavior

Much love, Grace

P.S. Not everyone has an eating issue, but if you do….and you want to take a closer look in this sometimes scary but profoundly life-changing way at what’s going on….come join Eating Peace Retreat. It’s in San Francisco area next month. We’ll be in a private home in Newark, and it will be wonderful, and safe.

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Eating Peace: A crazy strange idea (that works)–stop trying

Have you ever stopped to notice, that every single time you reach towards something when you feel uncomfortable….

….food, drink, smoke, internet, activity-you-promised-not-to-do….

….you’re trying to feel OK.

But you don’t feel OK.

You’re trying to.

So you put something in your mouth and eat it, and you forget about how you weren’t feeling OK for awhile.

You move on.

Other stuff happens.

Now, you’re drunk, or stuffed, or exhausted, or your money is gone, or you feel guilty, or you feel horrible pain.

That thing you didn’t feel OK about is long gone.

Now, you have worse problems you have to attend to, and work on, and self-hate to deal with on top.

What if….when you got the first inkling of Not-OK about anything, you didn’t try to get away from it or fix it or do something about it?

Believe me, I know it’s weird.

It’s not what is usually offered, or suggested, or what your mind will chatter away about with many possible ideas to solve the problem.

Not solving the problem is VERY strange for the mind.

But try it on. What if you didn’t try to be OK?

Stop Trying to be OK....see what happens
Stop Trying to be OK….see what happens

Peace,

Grace

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Eating Peace: Be Simple, Lie Down, & Remember you can’t Fail

Recently someone wrote to share a stressful thought she has that I’ve heard before, in every variation possible.

I’m afraid I will fail. I already failed many times. I can’t seem to succeed. I will regret the outcome, later, in the future because it won’t be a success. 

Being a human being, you’ve probably noticed a thought pattern like this, as your mind watches the memory of what you’ve been like, and then imagines what’s possible for you in the future, based on what you’ve been like so far.

That same mind will compare the failing you, to the possibly successful you, and see a gap.

Then it will say to you…..yep. See! 

Something’s missing. You’re obviously not capable of doing this on your own. You need help.

A LOT of help.

Notice how stressful this is, to think you can’t do it, you won’t make it, you’ll not succeed, you can’t get there, you’ve screwed up many times already and failed over and over again.

Super stressful, discouraging, frightening, sad.

Here I share a little mantra I learned that made a big difference for me, a way to interrupt the pattern of reaching for unneeded food (or uncomfortable thoughts).

Peace,

Grace

 

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Eating Peace: if you judge anger or fear…you’ll keep eating them

It’s not breaking news that feelings of anger and fear fuel compulsive or obsessive behavior with food (or other substances).

But maybe you haven’t realized what you actually believe about feeling angry, or feeling afraid.

If you want to destroy, crush, consume, hide, repress or make anger and fear invisible….

….and never feel them again….

….then you’ll keep eating (or starving yourself).

Here’s what happened with me that changed everything:
Eating Peace: Trying NOT to change your anger or fear will help you and heal you
Peace,
Grace
P.S. Eating Peace Online starts November 17. We meet Tuesdays and Wednesdays live (9-10:30 am Pacific time) but all recordings are included and you can watch webinars, and listen. Change your thinking, change your eating.

 

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Eating Peace: When You’re Craving and Nervous About Darkness, Do This

I am sooooooo happy to be back home after traveling for three weeks.

I missed sharing with you all and creating videos, but today I was inspired to consider “home”.

The feeling of being home used to be completely foreign to me when it came to food and eating.

You might have felt this, too.

But there’s a way to pause (and it may require less effort than you ever thought) and picture what’s light about the moment, rather than dark, scary or sad.

Watch here to see what I mean, and leave a comment to let me know what you think.

Lots of peace,

Grace

P.S. Eating Peace is coming! A three day immersion in freedom from eating wars. October 9-11, 2015 north Seattle or November 13-15 near San Francisco. We begin Friday morning at 9:00 am. $347. Register HERE. If you need accommodation, there are 3 bedrooms in our retreat lodge.

 

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Eating Peace: Where to Begin With The Work and Stressful Eating

Wondering where to start when it comes to investigating your beliefs about food and eating?

You can start with your stressful beliefs about certain foods, what you’ve learned is right or wrong….

….but then get into the real deep stuff.

What are the most difficult things you’ve ever experienced in your life?

It seems really hard, and it’s very important to get a helper or supporter to guide you and work with you.

But these difficult experiences, once explored, can change your life.

Much love, Grace

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Eating Peace: A Crazy Tool You Have Within You But You May Not Know It

Are you someone who doesn’t really go for the woo-woo solutions to real life problems?

Well…this tool for changing your relationship with eating can sound a little cray-cray.

But believe me, I’m not that crazy (only crazy in a good way).

This tool is genuine, powerful, and used by many cultures, religions, therapeutic modalities and processes of emotional healing for centuries.

It’s in you already, you just may need to develop it a little, spending a little more time using your imagination for love, not hate (primarily for yourself).

See how I did it here. Leave a comment to let me know how this tool works for you–I love hearing from you and reading your comments.

Love, Grace

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Eating Peace: Tell The Truth….The Way To Heal

When I was much younger, I had the good fortune to enter a therapy group for adults with no special “problem”.

It was simply a therapeutic group for healing, understanding, and…

…well…therapy.

The group was led by two wonderful, experienced therapists (a man and a woman who were colleagues) and whose intention was to help facilitate clarity in peoples’ lives.

I felt like the weirdo with the eating issues.

Ugh.

But when I actually admitted my concerns, my behaviors and what I went through out loud to the group, I got a big surprise.

Absolute acceptance.

People could even relate–even though they didn’t have anything close to an eating disorder or eating concerns.

They related on a human level of suffering, and felt compassion and loving kindness towards me.

I couldn’t have received this without telling the truth about my situation, my experiences of fear and anxiety, and my sadness and disappointment.

My advice now? Tell the truth.

It’s the way out of your world of secrets. And its much more fun.

Lots of peace,
Grace
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Eating Peace – Four Areas To Look When It Comes To Troubled Eating

In the last 3 or 4 years I’ve had a strange and completely unplanned phase of gathering all the teachings I ever received around healing eating troubles….

….and categorizing them into four broad and spacious areas.

I did this because people asked me for help.

I wasn’t shy about saying I had healed from a raging eating disorder and whacked thinking about food.

But I also sometimes felt very reluctant to help.

It’s so intense! It took so long! All those healers, therapists, retreats, workshops, books, and degrees!

How could I ever put into words what I’ve learned about having a fabulous relationship with food?

But one day, I started.

I sat very quietly, considering what was the “answer” to this difficult problem with food, when there is too much, or not enough, and never any deep satisfaction?

I had worked with many clients over time, young women from teens to college students….and then older women all the way to age 80.

Then I had a man come for help with food and eating, and another.

I had lots of experience working with these people one-on-one, I had brought in self-inquiry especially in the form of The Work of Byron Katie to question what we thought was true in the moments we want to reach for food even though we’re not hungry.

And something started coming together to make this easier, more organized, more helpful.

The four broad areas I began to think about (and feel about) became the perfect areas for awareness of what really worked, and what didn’t.

Mind, Feelings, Body, Spirit.

It was so exciting to see what fit where along my journey, what was most important for me to learn, what really made a powerful difference.

Today in this fairly short video, I talk about this part of my freedom journey around food, eating and body….

….where I feel like after several decades of “work” on finding peace around food, I was drawn to take a look-see back over all the path I took, pick the very best of it all, the cream of the crop of teachings, and offer this to others who want to heal their relationship with food, too.

Because I know, every person who returns to joy and innocence with food has access to pleasure, joy, love and simplicity, not just around eating….

….but around everything else in their lives!

Seriously, it’s hard to believe, but the relationship with food, eating and the body really was an avenue into the deepest spirit within me.

If you change the way you experience food, you’ll change the way you experience your entire life.

Click below to watch today’s video.

Then, in a few days, I’ll send a video where I talk about the highlights I found in each area….

….Mind, Feelings, Body, and Spirit….

….that were the MOST important to learn to make peace with eating.

You can use them to help you heal the way you eat and the way you relate to food, or your size.

If I could do it, you can too.

Much love, Grace