“I am the source of my pain, but only all of it. One hundred percent.” ~ Byron Katie
Sometimes, when people read a statement like this out of context, they say things to themselves like……
……”That’s so true. I am my worst enemy. What a schmuck I am, causing myself such turmoil. I wish I was different. It’s hopeless. My life sucks.”
But you know, of course, it’s not the intention that you feel bad about yourself and take this personally.
Often, when we feel frightened or nervous about conditions of life, we automatically get defensive, or attack something….anything.
This moment, this condition, this situation is WRONG!
And so am I!
But the more I work with people in mindful inquiry (and feeling deeply) the more I see that every time there’s a compulsive movement towards something, like binge-eating for example, or obsessive thinking, or other addictive behaviors…..
…..the thing we miss is what was so dang scary that eating felt like the better choice.
Could it be that the self-hatred or judgmental stream of thoughts or compulsive behavior actually covers up something more frightening, that we’d rather not think about at all?
What I found in my own internal excavation was….yes.
Big time.
I had a huge amount of fear, anxiety, resentments and unacknowledged grief about things that had happened in my life.
And I had never spoken of them to anyone, and certainly hadn’t done The Work on them.
No wonder I wanted to eat like a maniac sometimes (or starve myself, or smoke, or move to another town, or start making plans for something in a non-peaceful way, or spend time thinking about how to improve myself).
The other day, I read a quote that most humans would love to take the easy, fast solution to a problem that’s highly unlikely to work, than a slow, hard solution to a problem that’s guaranteed to work.
Isn’t that crazy?
We really hate the idea that something might take awhile, that something might be a practice over time.
Believe me, I tried all the fast solutions. I still lean that way at times, depending on the moment, before I realize “oh, right, there is no fast miraculous solution….time to slow down and take it one step at a time.”
If you’re wondering where to look more closely to find out what’s running below the surface, the underlying thoughts and fears you’d rather not see….
….and yet, you really DO want to see them in the end….
….then watch here today for one exercise that may help. It’s something a therapist did with me many years ago. It will slow you way down, and you may make some discoveries about what’s driving you to eat, be stuck, do that compulsive thing, avoid change.
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An exercise to help you uncover underlying stressful beliefs that may be driving you to compulsive thinking or behavior
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Much love, Grace
P.S. Not everyone has an eating issue, but if you do….and you want to take a closer look in this sometimes scary but profoundly life-changing way at what’s going on….come join Eating Peace Retreat. It’s in San Francisco area next month. We’ll be in a private home in Newark, and it will be wonderful, and safe.