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Reminder: First Friday is actually Second Friday for July. No good internet for me for this past Friday means no way to connect well with you. I look forward to being with those of you who can attend July 12th at the same bat time 7:45 am Pacific.

I recently got the chance to interview a lovely woman who first learned about The Work from her enrollment in Jacqueline Green’s parenting programs (www.greatparentingshow.com). Jacqueline herself has been a brilliant member of Year of Inquiry and teaches The Work to moms as a core tool for becoming a clearer and more peaceful parent.

Listen to Peace Talk Episode 151 here where Mary shares about writing her first Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and began to do The Work in earnest….and how it changed life for her.

And in case you haven’t registered yet: Sign Up Here for Ten Barriers That Derail The Work, and How To Dissolve Them, a free workshop open to anyone and everyone online on Sunday, June 30th at 11:00 am Pacific Time/ 7:00 pm UK.

I’ll send out the link for joining the workshop to everyone registered several hours before we begin, so watch your Inbox and bring a pen and paper.

So speaking of parenting and doing The Work….yesterday, a crazy thing happened.

And what’s even more crazy, is I reacted differently than I ever used to act in similar situations.

In fact, the whole thing is completely hilarious.

My husband and I were helping our 22-year old daughter move.

A few big pieces of furniture needed to go from one apartment to the new apartment, along with final boxes and reassembling the bed in the new place.

Boxes were moved, a dump run was made to throw out an ancient mattress and chairs with mould on them (don’t ask me why chairs got set out on the balcony where it rains), a Goodwill donation run was completed, some scrubbing and cleaning was completed, and there was one final item to move: my daughter’s bicycle.

It was on the balcony, chained to the railing.

As my daughter unlocked the chain and rolled the bike from porch through the sliding glass doors into the empty apartment living room she was saying goodbye to….she knocked a can of paint off the railing.

A gallon can of black paint she had been using to paint her bookshelf a few days before.

The lid was loose.

KABLLOOOOOSSSHHHH!

Almost an entire gallon of paint oozing across the porch, and a big huge splash of black paint on the white apartment building wall, on the glass doors, on the bicycle, on all the railings of the porch, and all over my daughter’s news sandals and legs.

OK then.

I’d love to show you a photo of it for dramatic emphasis.

LOL.

Guess what we were doing for the next hour?

Yah, that would be scrubbing the walls, carpet, porch, glass windows, railings with towels, hot water, soap, chemical cleaners and sponges. And throwing paint and rags full of paint away.

Now, in the past, I might have been FURIOUS.

I’m not saying there wasn’t a reaction. It was like….GASP.

But I don’t know if it’s the amount of times I’ve questioned “this shouldn’t be happening” or “this is a mistake” (hundreds) but something almost found it funny in the very moment in happened.

Humor? Instead of being angry?

Wow.

Who are we without the belief “this is a huge horrible mess! OMG!”

We’re rolling up our sleeves, cleaning and chuckling.

How could it be an interesting predicament that the paint can went toppling onto the porch and wall and bicycle?

Well, I certainly have an entertaining story to tell, for one thing.

I also learned by googling how to use hot water and soap to get paint out of a carpet. My daughter learned why it’s a good thing to hammer the paint can lids back on tight. We had all the time we needed to clean it up. We didn’t have to take the paint to the hazardous waste center–it was spilled.

But mostly, for me, I got to notice how the inner fireworks just didn’t happen by comparison to the way they used to.

In the past, I might have banged my fist on the counter and said DAMNIT! And huffed around while cleaning.

Sure, there were some thoughts about how long this would take and if we could get it cleaned up and how this was going to turn out….

….but they didn’t go anywhere much.

We were laughing later.

I said “this might be the best moving story yet!”

If there’s any reason I ever could find to do The Work, this situation and how I responded was an example.

How wonderful to not react to the world as if it’s a horrible moment, a pain-in-the-ass, a huge drag, or to shout “jeez, why didn’t you put the paint lid on correctly?!” at someone I love.

I’d rather do The Work, and laugh.

Much love,

Grace

As Summer Camp for The Mind approaches and people are joining, I’m suddenly in a flurry of getting my entire 2019-2020 calendar year organized.

I have an invitation for you to a free online workshop I love offering about what comes between us and finding freedom in doing The Work, plus–at the end–I’ll answer your questions about Summer Camp and Year of Inquiry.

The webinar topic? Ten Barriers That Derail “Getting” The Work…and How to Dissolve Them. 

Ten Barriers Workshop is online Sunday, June 30th at 11:00 am Pacific Time/ 2:00 pm ET/ 7:00 pm UK.  This is open to everyone, no fee, and will be recorded.

Register Here for the Free Online Workshop and I’ll be sure you get all the info on how to join, listen, and follow along in our work. No one has to share.

These ten barriers include tricky subtleties the mind comes up with when it comes to self-inquiry that I’ve experienced over time, and they may help you to recognize them, too.

Summer Camp for The Mind then starts July 8th (and Year of Inquiry is starting again in September, for the 11th time–wow).

So here we go….questioning our thoughts together virtually.

A good way to experiment with group live online inquiry (how amazing we can even do this) is to join Summer Camp! It’s a virtual audio-only telesession blitz of daily inquiry this summer.

Here’s how Summer Camp works:

Using your phone, tablet, gizmo, laptop (anything that dials a phone number or connects to the internet) you’ll either dial the simple old-fashioned phone-number way OR you’ll connect by clicking an internet link.

Yes, people participate in Summer Camp while sitting on the beach, while driving their car to work, while walking home from the office or on their way to pick up the kids.

You can be there any time the calls are live, and drop in or leave at any point. There are no requirements or demands for you to be there from start to finish of the call. You can listen to recordings if you wish, instead of participating live.

Being a part of our calls offers a fabulous time for coming and going in your life as you need. The group creates a circle, and it’s here for you from wherever you are physically on the planet.

One of my favorite things about our live calls is when someone calls in and says “I’m ducked inside an empty office. I have a meeting with my boss in an hour and I’m soooo nervous. Can I do The Work?” 

Yes.

“She’s going to fire me.” Is it true?

Once, someone who attended Summer Camp and then Year of Inquiry called while in the car on her way to her nephew’s trial. “He needs to NOT go to jail.”

Is it true?

Or the time when one of us found herself headed to Rome for a weekend unexpectedly without the boyfriend after a last-minute break up. She got on the plane for her romantic destination anyway, and did The Work with us.

“I’m all alone. I’ve been abandoned.” Is it true?

We’re all there together, doing The Work with the ones who are frightened, navigating something tough in life. We’re finding our own similar situations where we might feel the same way, just a little.

It’s so exciting to learn, to listen, to notice how with anything, in any situation, we can find peace.

Doing The Work with others, we address our own inner life.

We can’t change what’s happening out there, but we can respond differently from in here when we do The Work and see other options.

So when are the Summer Camp calls?

We meet July 8-August 16 Monday through Friday, with a different time each day (not July 15-19 though). You find which times work for you and mark your calendar. (see them all below).

I email everyone daily with the link and phone number so you’ve got it easily accessible. We share a forum together for posting, writing worksheets, asking questions….writing out your own work in the middle of the night when you’re worried and can’t sleep.

I love the community that gets created, and that you can use it any way you want. Nothing is required.

The calls meet at the following times. If you need to figure out your time zone, this is my favorite simple time zone converter link: click here.

Calls are all an hour +, but I like to leave a little wiggle room on the end to finish out an inquiry if we need to, or feedback and insights people might want to share. Schedule 75 mins if you can, and nothing’s required. Come for five.

• Mondays July 8-August 12 4:00-5:15 pm PT
• Tuesdays July 9-August 13 8:00-9:15 am PT
• Wednesdays July 10-August 14 Noon-1:15 pm PT
• Thursdays July 11-August 15 5:30-6:45 pm PT
• Fridays July 12-August 16 7:45-9:15 am PT (90 mins)

No Summer Camp July 15-19 this year–I’ll be camping where the internet isn’t connected

I hope you’ll join me on this sweet journey. The Work has changed my life and I do this work because it’s one of the most profoundly peace-giving tools I’ve ever discovered. Life changing for me. I love questioning my thoughts and I love doing this with you.

“Peace doesn’t require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” ~ Byron Katie

Sign up for Summer Camp here. Yes, it’s sliding scale. You get to decide how many calls you’ll make or listen to via recording, what you can afford, what works for you. Come for one week only, come for every call, come weekly on the time/day that works for you. You’ll click the pay button, and fill in whatever amount you choose.

And come to the workshop on Sunday. Register for it here so I can send you the details for attending.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If in-person is your favorite thing and telesessions just do not sound fun, here’s the scoop on autumn retreat (exciting)!

We’ll all stay in a gorgeous lodge near White Haven, Pennsylvania I’ve not been to, but been told it’s fabulous. A stunning area in the fall, sharing time and space in The Work away from all things distracting, taking time to share meals, inquire, rest and be in silence and connection together. Three private rooms and the rest of us will stay in the many semi-private beds, bunks and loft spaces (or cots and mattresses) available. October 17-20, 2019. For more information, read here. Can’t wait to join you this year for autumn retreat on the east coast.

Tomorrow evening, June 27th 7-9 pm at East West Books at 65th and Roosevelt in Seattle, come learn and do The Work of Byron Katie from start to finish. Register with East West Books right here (and OK to register at the door).

We’ll use the doorway of addictive or compulsive behavior to enter our inner work, if it applies: urges to escape, watch TV, eat, drink, smoke, clean, buy, acquire, hunt, seek, push.

Ay yi yi. 

Those sensations of tumultuous behavior are so troubling, aren’t they?

Can’t we just get rid of those feelings altogether?

(What’s wrong with me)?

One of the first places to pause and notice, as we become open-minded inquirers once again, is our thoughts about feelings themselves.

Feelings. Emotions. Moods.

WHY??!! 

I remember having mixed beliefs about feelings from a very, very young age. If you asked me when I was only about six what I thought about feelings, I might have said people who are super emotional or who cry are babies and people should “rise above” their feelings.

In other words, “feelings” are not good. Seriously. They’re not for grown ups, not easy, not acceptable.

Even overjoyed jubilation or happiness is a bit over the top. Let’s just keep an even-keel. No tipping over in the sail boat. Calm waters all the time. Poker face.

Right?

Late June where I live in the Pacific Northwest there’s light in the sky until 10 pm, some glorious bright days and lush green everywhere.

Then there are dark days, misty rain and chill. People refer to these as June-uary. Last Saturday and Sunday? June-uary. We got our jackets back out of the closet.

This is a bit like the way feelings move, our inner landscape.

Sunny, light and brilliant….dark, chilly, quiet.

Nothing wrong with that, in fact it seems to be a deeply human response, to have feelings, awareness, noticing.

And we wouldn’t say to nature: it must be sunny and bright with long days–all the time, never-ending.

But we often expect it of ourselves.

How do I react when I believe feelings are volatile, unacceptable and too moody, cold or unpredictable? How do I react when I want to get rid of them?

I hide away at home. I feel even more compulsive than ever, in an attempt to eliminate the feelings. I believe I should be able to control my feelings, and maybe even my own thoughts.

(Have you had the idea you’re in charge of your mind)?

Who would you be without the belief that strong feelings are dangerous, and you need to control yourself, your feelings, your mood, your thinking?

I noticed for myself, without the belief I need to control or even change what I’m thinking or feeling….I’m so much more open to what I feel, and think. I’m kinder.

I’m more compassionate.

I even get to wonder if it’s “my” feeling, “my” mood, or “my” thought?

Wow.

Turning the thought around: I don’t want to get rid of my feelings.They are acceptable, curious, wonderful, messengers.

I can let them be here.

Can I just let them be here?

Sigh.

Yes.

My feelings are brilliant, sharing, doing what they do. I am human. No need to change or alter or switch or fix the feelings.

Turning the thought around again: feelings want to get rid of me. 

Are these feelings showing me a simple thought pattern? A stressful story?

Are they coursing through me and allowing me to notice a “me” that isn’t real, and also noticing there’s part of me just here, without concern (no matter what the weather)?

Are my feelings pointing to thoughts I might love to question?

In the moment of brilliant sun, OK. In the moment of cold chilly rain, OK. Snow, all is well. Fire, something carries on. Pain, something happens. Something continues.

Feelings, I notice, don’t stay at volume 10 forever. They come and go, and live and die. So do thoughts.

“When we look inside, we see that whatever we are is prior to thought. You were there before thought, you were there during the thought, and you are going to be there after thought….Start with what you feel….” ~ Adyashanti

What I notice is when I open up to my feelings and thoughts being just fine as they are, even *cough cough* good or OK, something within calms down.

I’m just here. Noticing what it could be like without believing a thought, or a feeling. Noticing, noticing, being.

I notice I experience peace, and the awareness that freedom is here–nothing is required.

Summer Camp for the Mind–a wonderful telesession program online for anyone in the world–starts soon, the week of July 8th. Read about the schedule and how Summer Camp works here. Join by sliding scale (suggested offering $150-$400 but you decide how many sessions you’ll be listening to whether live or on recording). No one turned away for lack of funds.

Let’s do The Work together, and find our enlightenment.

Much love,

Grace

….is it true that something’s wrong with you?

Many people feel “yes, it’s true”.

If only I didn’t feel so much, believe my thinking, follow my impulses. 

Who are you when you believe it?

People doing The Work, and me too, notice a very vicious bitter cruel voice arising with this thought.

It’s the voice that believes violence makes change.

It also believes in taking credit for everything, whether damaging or successful. It’s entirely focused on owning all responsibility, and blame.

It’s partially right about violence enforcing change. Violence does make change. It breaks things, kills things, destroys things.

But who would you be without that belief that this is the “truth” and the only way to change, or that your problems are all about you being wrong and the culprit?

I notice when I think this way, I begin to wonder what else or who else was wrong, almost hand-in-hand with me being a problem, I’m aware of everything that’s a problem. I blame my family of origin, I hear my parents’ voices and their opinions, I see myself tiny and innocent getting walked over, I see myself freaking out about getting it right, becoming thin (that’s “right”..right?), I’m upset with school, religion, humanity.

Lots of proof.

I notice the list of right and wrong, almost like a religious thing.

I don’t trust whatever this deal is called “true nature”. What’s my true nature? It must be wrong. It must be cruelty and desperation and violence.

I jump to extremes and think all humanity is just….mean, self-centered, small-minded, willing to step on people to get theirs.

It’s very stressful. It can be a living hell. 

How I react with all these thoughts about reality, and myself being “wrong” is very angry with life, or God (if I use that word) or reality.

Hopeless, useless. Eat. Drink. Smoke. Avoid. Escape. Attack. Consider life worthless. Why are we all here? Sob.

Well who would you be without this belief that there’s something wrong with you?

Who would you be without the belief there’s anything wrong?

I know it’s completely weird.

It feels like passivity, but is that true?

Or is that swinging to some other place where I’m still believing my conclusions about life, about myself, about humanity….and they feel depressing, or frustrating, or very confusing?

When I slow it way down, though, and pause completely (or imagine pausing) then I notice a lot of energy flailing about, trying, moving, doing, not-doing, pushing, pulling, holding still.

Lots of energy waves moving.

I notice a Don’t-Know place.

This startling question “who would you be WITHOUT THOUGHT?”

That thought about wrongness, then that thought too, then the next one.

Like a little machine running that’s dead set on survival and Must Change….the mind is working over-time very busy with many ideas including keeping you in check with the belief “there’s something wrong here”.

And it must be righted.

But it’s not about you and how all-wrong you are.

Without the thought there’s something wrong with you….and you really just didn’t know….

….you might feel willing. Just a little open. Just a tiny bit willing to not know a single thing about where this is going or what this all is for, or what your obsessive thinking is all about.

I find it to be a stepping stone into something different, for a change.

Turning the thought around: there is something right with me. 

And I mean in the very act of doing something “wrong”. I know it’s weird, but see if you can find one thing.

I can find that my crazed eating led to seeking help and peace. It led to throwing out everything I thought I knew about being thin, being fat, or being greedy.

It led me to dropping my religion called “there’s surely something wrong with me” and endlessly making a game plan to fix myself.

Warning.

It may not be comfortable to give up your belief that there’s something wrong.

You might think “well, then how would I ever change?”

Tricky little rabbit.

You need to change, is it true? You need something that isn’t here, or to fix something….and I’m not saying you wouldn’t want to stop eating-smoking-drinking-drugging-spending-freaking out.

But is it true you don’t have what it takes to “right” your sail boat (a different kind of “right” like when a sail boat keels over, and then comes back to center).

No.

You weren’t born with something missing, or damaged so badly along the way you can’t find peace.

Sometimes, weirdly enough, you just have to notice you’re tired of looking elsewhere and you’re going to stop believing there’s something wrong with you.

People I work with around compulsions, and working with myself, I notice I can have a thought about doing that obsessive escapist thing….and not follow it.

Turning the thought around: My thinking believes something is wrong, only my thinking.

“My” thinking. Which is not even “mine”.

What do I want to notice here, in the big wide open field of this moment?

Perhaps it’s just a matter of noticing “I” have no idea what’s going on, and not even sure what “I” is, and there’s something of a witness here so curious, so very curious, so happy to be here, so aware of pain and suffering and also love and joy.

Which one feels more like truth, or what is natural?

Tomorrow morning is First Friday! Which means open inquiry for anyone and everyone–listen or participate, you get to choose–from 7:45-9:15 am PT. (Also, for July, it will be SECOND Friday, same time…July 12th).

If you do NOT want to speak or be called on, and you want to listen-only, then pick Broadcast for the way you’re joining if you’re on your computer. You can also use your phone and remain on mute (you can let me know you can’t share if you want). I love how people join this call from their offices and headphones everywhere.

To be heard and to share, give feedback, or do The Work, use phone or WebCall.

We always start Monthly Friday with filling out a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet as a meditation. Bring your pen and paper, or your device where you write….and we’ll begin right on time.

Join me here. Or dial 425-440-5010 pin code 305799# at 7:45 am PT.

If you like First Fridays….then you may also love Summer Camp for The Mind. Some wonderful inquirers join every year. It’s sliding scale donation, Monday through Friday daily inquiry sessions from July 8-August 17th. This is the best way ever to get the hang of group online inquiry. Simple telesessions in The Work. Come and go as you wish.

Read about Summer Camp here.

So where does our inquiry go right now, as I sit with laptop?

I just gazed out my cottage living room window into the trees I seem to look at daily when writing. It’s the very same chair I use when I meditate, or do zoom calls or facebook videos.

Something in the thoughts landed on relationships, since I’ve heard about them a lot lately with individual clients.

Those people. 

The ones we’re troubled by. Mild concerns or bitter despair in every interaction, or one past incident, doesn’t matter.

Especially those people we’ve had a hard time with in romance. 

Those people.

Three people came to inquire on trouble with romance in the past ten days or so. And I got a text from someone I briefly dated over a decade ago, who I did a lot of worksheets on back when.

The inquirers with their romance pain: I shouldn’t be reacting, I should let it go, they shouldn’t be so intense, they should support me more, they shouldn’t have been like that with me, I’m heart-broken. 

Funny, the minute I saw the text I received, my thoughts careened a bit off the road: WHAT?! Why is he saying he hopes I had a happy Mother’s Day and asking if I got any nice gifts? What a materialistic ridiculous person. 

In the extremely short exchange (I had said basically something like “surprised to hear from you!” in response back)….

….he let me know he’s had the same girlfriend for seven years.

Inside my mind: “Why are you telling me that? Is that why you wrote to me, to brag about something you’ve never done before in your life until your 50s? Do you think I give a rat’s ass?”

Heh.

Yah, it was that mean and it was there almost instantly. All the pictures in my head of dealing with him, almost wanting to wipe the phone off, like it got smudged. Eww.

Sigh.

I had a wonderful exploration on why the intense response to a simple text after over a decade. That’s how long the time period was between the last time I’ve ever spoken with him or texted or emailed or even heard about him from anyone else.

Yet this disgusted response was still there.

It’s almost like the inquiry was on this thought: “Ew”. 

Eeww.

Is it true?

Yes.

Can you absolutely know “Eew” is true?

(How do you spell “ew”)?

And, no. I can’t know a thing about the truth in this situation. I’m having an emotional mini-seizure. I see letters making words on a phone. And a bazillion images from the past and wonderings about who would ever date him and an urge to lash out. Past fear, hurt, confusion.

This is what happened when I saw his text and thought “ew”.

Imaginings and pictures about what is so, or guesses about his life and having the shivers, ten years older, and what it looks like–which is all based on thin air and mental creativity. Based on nothing but a feeling of “ew” in the past.

So who would I be without this repulsed and repulsive story of “ew”?

Noticing I have no idea who is writing those words as I read his text. There’s something incoming, I look, I notice, I write some letters and words (spells) back, there’s an exchange and a wave of remembering….

….there’s slowness and waiting and noticing.

“All life is imagined, without exception”. ~ Byron Katie

There’s even an honoring of the “ew” that appeared, like a teenager, and the memory of acting like one and considering him to be one as well at the time all those years ago.

No one doing it wrong, including me.

Turning the thought around: to myself. Ew.

Could this be just as true?

Yes. I could experience disgust and playful teenish angst towards me-myself-and-I and wonder what the heck I was even doing there in that relationship back then? Distracting myself from the heart-breaking pain I had just been moving through during divorce. Doing the best I could.

And what about the moment of reading the text? Am I not conjuring up old memories of being grossed out?

I notice them, I notice I’m not even trying to conjure, its just happening, and I can stop and not follow the trail of disgust.

Turning it around again: Welcome. (What’s the opposite of “ew”? It feels like “welcome”–you can be here, memories, response, reaction, texted words….it’s OK).

How is that just as true, it’s OK the words appeared there on my phone, as a text?

That’s all they were. Maybe 8 sentences total. Noticing waves of feeling about that whole era long ago, and that person’s name. Aware of how valuable our exchanges were for my growth, maturity, clarity.

Later on the same day as reading the text, I had the thought “I should have texted back that I’ve been married for seven years.”

Noticing the bizarreness of my wanting to one-up him, or annihilate his share, or brag myself.

Wow.

“Defense is the first act of war.” ~ Byron Katie

Turning it all around: thank you. 

Thank you for the crushing honesty, the cruelty, the desperate neediness, the grabbing, the pushing away, the attempting to control, the trying hard, the disappointment, the sadness and loneliness….the surrender.

From others, from myself. All of it.

Thank you all the romantic interests and exchanges and dramas for bringing me back to myself, and back to nothing. To surrender.

Can there be freedom after feeling so hurt by love?

Yes. Freedom beyond belief.

Freedom to have no idea what’s going to happen next. Freedom to have nothing else to say to Mr. Texter. Freedom to see there is no more texting, or communication, and it only took the tiniest reminder (a few sentences on my phone) to find the wind lets out of the sail quickly and a little more peace comes alive about the tortuous dramatic story over a decade ago, where it seemed I lost everything as I knew it.

I found everything as I didn’t know it. 

Turned around: Love. Roses. Yum.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Love to have you bring any of your judgey, stressful, painful, mixed up, frightened thoughts to the call tomorrow. Free Friday Inquiry, right here.

Other upcoming events:

• June 27th East West Books evening 7-9 pm.
• June 12-16, 2019 Breitenbush Retreat with Tom Compton
• Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry
• Divorce Is Hell 8 week course Aug 18-October 13, 2019 Sundays 11 am PT/ 7 pm UK with Nadine Ferris France
• Year of Inquiry begins Sept 8, 2019–a whole year of monthly topics in The Work, and sharing inquiry together
• always free: First Friday inquiry power hour (90 mins) 7:45am PT
• Eating Peace Annual Retreat Jan 15-20, 2020

At Breitenbush Hotsprings, they hold a few extra spots for us for lodging and meals for the last-minute panic I-really-need-to-be-there sign-ups. Since it’s a big conference center with many little cabins, tent platform options, a campground, and dorm rooms in the great lodge (or cabin style dorms), they hold back just a few in case we have people dying to come to our retreat last minute.

Those secret hold-out spots (in beautiful cabins with all linens and towels included, some on the tent platforms where you bring your sleeping bags, or camping spots)….are about to be released to the public. This will happen in 2 days.

After that, the whole place will be sold out in the shake of a lamb’s tail. Call Breitenbush to find out the full cost for yourself based on your sleeping options. Three amazing organic meals provided each day, no cell or internet service, fresh pristine air and old growth woods, gorgeous hikes, a wild ice cold river, The Work of Byron Katie, companionship in inquiry, and silence. Call 503.854.3320.

I know Tom Compton and I are both so excited to welcome you to a true retreat from daily life, to investigate our minds and perspectives that feel troubling, worrisome, stressful, or very painful. No issue too great, or small, for The Work.

Really, you might say?

No issue too great, or small, for The Work?

Yes.

I once did The Work with one of my ongoing partners in inquiry for several years. Her “work” was on her kitchen drawer.

“It should open”.

It was a fairly new remodel. The drawer was supposed to open.

We laughed, she brushed it off almost, saying “what a ridiculous thing to do The Work on, I’m not even that upset!”

It was a profound hour in The Work, for both of us.

With the thought….images of poor contractors, hassles, making people come back and fix things, money honesty, hissy fits about design, irritability.

Without the thought….laughter, handling the issue, making a quick call, enjoying the contractor’s assistant who came to fix it, being clear about the charges and money exchanges.

Turned around: my mind won’t open in that very split second when the drawer won’t open

Another TurnAround: the drawer SHOULD NOT open (she found some interesting reasons why not, one of them learning how to adjust drawers, and how fascinating drawers actually are)

TA: the drawer shouldn’t open! How fun! How interesting! What do I get to turn towards, since it won’t open?

TA: I don’t open to myself, I sometimes flare up at myself when something doesn’t go “right”, I hit myself with critical thinking and rattle and jam and pull at myself….especially when I believe drawers (or anything) should behave differently. I think of myself as disabled, or unable, like the drawer.

Laughter followed this inquiry, which lasted an hour. I never saw the drawer myself (except in my own mind), but it made a huge impression on my own inquiry work.

I could understand the knife the mind slashes with, when one smallish thing happens that I think shouldn’t be happening.

And no issue is also “too big” for The Work.

This also continues over and over again to be true.

What do we see as the “big” stressful experiences of our lives?

Someone has died tragically, you are sick with a terminal illness, your house has burned down, you’ve lost all your possessions, you’ve been abandoned, you’re hurt.

We can still sit with a profoundly difficult situation in this present moment, and wonder.

Is what I think and believe entirely true about this?

Who would I be without this story?

Just one concept at a time.

This shouldn’t be happening, or shouldn’t have happened….

Turned Around: my thinking about this situation shouldn’t be happening (all the believing and images and panic I’m having isn’t based on absolute reality in this moment)

TA: What is OK, even though this is happening? Am I breathing? Yes. I am surviving, I am still alive, I am here right now.

TA: This situation SHOULD BE happening. There are advantages. Have I missed them? Can I find one, two, three?

I’ll never forget sitting in the audience of a man doing The Work on cancer, after I myself had a cancerous tumor on my leg removed. His tumor, in the brain, was still there despite surgery and treatment.

HE could find advantages for having cancer.

I sat and cried while I listened to him. He found that everything had dropped away that he previously thought of as important, and only love and connection with others, and with himself, remaining.

He found courage where he never thought it existed.

He found appreciation for cancer, instead of battling it endlessly with self-pity and aggression.

He had awareness of the temporariness of life, which we ALL have, cancer or not.

If you find you can’t seem to make the time, or you don’t do The Work unless you’re with other people….you might love dipping your toe in the water of inquiry through Summer Camp for The Mind.

We meet online, Monday through Friday starting Friday, July 5th with Opening Day (2 hours for this first Opening Day call). Every call is 60 minutes, and at different times so something fits your schedule. Come to one call, or all of them.

This program is the offering I do each year by donation (suggested donation $150-$400 depending on how many calls you plan on attending–and all the calls are also recorded).

We share in an online slack forum, no one has to talk, and you learn so much by listening. I can’t believe it, but we start in only a month. A great way to see if Year of Inquiry is also for you, or not.

Sign up here: Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry. Together we question.

“In so far as one denies what is, one is possessed by what is not; the compulsions, the fantasies, the terrors that flock to fill the void.” ~ Ursula K.LeGuin

Let’s not deny what is and scare ourselves, or irritate ourselves, with closed drawers and cancerous thinking.

Let’s do The Work, for peace which passes beyond all understanding.

Exciting.

Much love,
Grace

Breitenbush Hotsprings retreat with Tom Compton and me here. Only 12 days away. There are actually just a couple of spaces (it’s often sold out by about now, so maybe there’s a spot because it’s for YOU). We begin the evening of Weds 6/12 at 7 pm and end Sunday 6/16 at lunch. Call Breitenbush to register 503.854.3320.

Have you ever felt like you have so many things going on, you begin to fantasize about quitting it all?

Dramatic pictures of leaving it all behind and living in a hut somewhere.

Except I know someone who did that and it wasn’t fun. At all. Mind came with her. And suffering. And hardship.

Really….what helps is inquiry and noticing “overwhelm” and the expectations the mind has for what must be accomplished.

• I should watch that learning video
• I should complete my homework
• I should finish watching the Pema Chodron meditation course
• I should re-watch the Michael Singer course and re-read Surrender Experiment (that was soooo good)
• I should be working on fall retreat location
• I should finish that spreadsheet
• I should be updating the website
• I should be getting things ready for Summer Camp and Year of Inquiry

This is only a tiny slight beginning that veered off into business-like tasks. There are so many other things I should be doing too.

Like dusting the house, cleaning out the fridge, and ordering the trigger balls I’m supposed to get for physical therapy (which is WORKING).

OK, just ordered those. It was something I could do in five minutes, right in the middle of this inquiry.

I love how we humans like small, tiny, incremental changes. We like what’s manageable, what we believe we CAN handle. Order those trigger balls? OK. Done.

There’s something sweet about it really. Something realistic, normal, middle way, simple.

But I should do all those things I think I should do.

Is it true?

Those things are required if I want success.

Is it true?

How do you react when you believe you should do all that stuff. You know the list. The endless list. If you accomplish one thing, the next thing appears.

When I believe I should…I scare myself.

And when I’m scared, I either give up/give in, I quit, or I attack something or someone and feel like a rebel.

In the Eating Peace Program that’s running right now, several participants have the belief “I should do all the lessons, homework, journaling, calls, absorb all that’s offered here.”

Others aren’t thinking this, they are sitting steady with it, doing what they can. Taking one bite at a time, chewing, digesting, and then moving on. Or not.

A balanced way of it.

I’ve had the endless thought I need to x, y, z in order to be truly successful with money. Right now I’m failing. I’m building a mother-in-law apartment for my actual mother in my back yard, and turns out I need to borrow money for it that I didn’t want to borrow.

Drama enters the vision of the future. I’ve ruined my debt-free existence, I’ve broken my promise to never borrow anything or go into debt again, I’ve added years and years of work or worry to my life, I’ll never retire, I’m a poor planner with money and projects.

My divorce changed my entire trajectory of life with money and that was such a shame it ever happened twelve years ago. Ugh.

I should, I should have, I shouldn’t, I should. 

Me and money. A drama forever.

Is that actually true?

Sigh.

No.

How do you react when you believe you should or even in the past you should HAVE already?

Good lord.

We not only think we should be behaving, thinking, doing, accomplishing something NOW….but we also should be in the past, when it’s actually completely over.

How do I react?

Depressed, discouraged. Terrible images of the future. I’m 80 years old and working, and forgetting things because I have memory problems so I’m not helpful to clients and I’m on food stamps or a burden to others. I never saved for retirement, never achieved that success. I have images of a half-built MIL in the back yard, plywood, ugly eyesore reminding me of failure on a daily basis.

Cry.

I have images of what I expected with my life when I first had kids and got married, and how things have gone terribly downhill since then.

(Don’t worry, I know that is complete bull. These are the images though).

So who would I be without this story in the moment that I am not succeeding, and things are going wrong….and most importantly that I SHOULD be doing (or have done something) I am not? 

Ha ha!

I’m just here, noticing.

The humor I have at such a deep abiding place of child-like joy suddenly appears again.

But even if you don’t have ANY humor (not yet) about your situation, just notice this moment now, without a belief that failure is happening, or the list should be ticked off.

Imagine.

This is the art of imagination.

So is believing your thoughts.

Mind imagines, that’s what it does. So let’s give it a more open, expansive, wondering story, a surrendered story.

Why not? In this world of duality, it’s just as possible to dream of not having a belief be true than to find proof it is true.

What are the turnarounds?

I don’t have to do anything. I even SHOULD NOT do anything on the list. I should do at all.

Perhaps just being, which I notice I am already.

Nothing missing. Breathing in this moment, even when money is taking a nose dive, even when my feelings are challenging, even when failure appears to be happening.

Being. Here.

Are there good reasons for not doing anything on the list? What are they?

I need to borrow more money than anticipated, and it’s a good things because….

….it keeps me in this amazing business of inquiry, where it’s my job to inquire and share and question. It keeps me connecting to others honestly about money issues (like the architect and the builder).

It brings me awareness of how what happened in the past, including divorce, was brilliant. So many endlessly good reasons for that to have occurred in my life. I wouldn’t be writing this note, nor have thousands of people reading this (which is shocking) if I had not gotten divorced. My world expanded times 10,000.

So did my capacity to earn money and work with money, and it’s still a work in progress, which is AH-MAZING! It feels limitless, slow, steady, just right…which is peaceful, supported.

I love the dear ones in Eating Peace program who are a part of the revolution of not dieting, not forcing, and inquiring for freedom–the new friends/clients/students sticking it out in the exploration of the unknown.

All of us finding our way together. A mystery of love, support, truth.

And each one who feels too overwhelmed, good for me for assisting in my improvements, my refining, my openness to sharing and shifting whatever needs to happen to support everyone’s freedom.

I also love the one who divorced me for giving me such an incredible gift of strength and finding how to stand on my own two feet, and be with others genuinely in ways I never thought possible.

What do you find today that you thought you should or shouldn’t be doing….that is not fundamentally true?

Who would you be without your story?

And if all you can do is notice….that’s enough. That’s plenty.

To listen or watch Peace Talk podcast, my guest this time is Nadine Ferris-France. One thing we both went through and applied The Work like gangbusters?

DIVORCE.

She and I will be teaching an 8 week course called Divorce/Break-Up is HELL: Is It True?

We love working with those who show up. Such an amazing opportunity for wild, unexpected change….really.

Listen to Nadine’s journey, on far more than transforming beliefs about divorce right here:

• June 27th East West Books evening 7-9 pm.
• June 12-16, 2019 Breitenbush Retreat with Tom Compton
• Summer Camp for The Mind Online Inquiry
• Divorce Is Hell 8 week course Aug 18-October 13, 2019 Sundays 11 am PT/ 7 pm UK with Nadine Ferris France
• Year of Inquiry begins Sept 8, 2019–a whole year of monthly topics in The Work, and sharing inquiry together
• always free: First Friday inquiry power hour (90 mins) 7:45am PT
• Eating Peace Annual Retreat Jan 15-20, 2020

Breitenbush Hotsprings retreat with Tom Compton and me here. June 12 evening-June 16 morning. 26 CEUs, 24 ITW credits. Call Breitenbush with any questions (if your Q’s are about curriculum, hit reply and I’ll answer). 503.854.3320.

I’m having a moment.

I think I must be the luckiest person in the world to have such a job as sitting with people sharing this process called The Work.

I just hugged goodbye on Sunday all the fascinating people who came to spring retreat in Seattle.

Honestly, I never know how exactly any retreat will turn out. I have an inner collection of exercises to bring out inquiry, and we move into them if and when it feels right.

It’s like taking the temperature of this unique group, in this place and time, and digging into the medicine of self-inquiry.

And all that’s ever truly needed is The Work. Identifying our thoughts, writing them down, answering four questions, finding turnarounds.

In this past spring retreat, we considered a profound question we can ask (it’s written about in Loving What Is) that helps identify our beliefs about the world:

What’s the worst that could happen?

Everyone began where they were: writing a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on that stressful moment rising to the surface–the one yelling “look at me! look at me!”

Then, once we had investigated some of our thinking about our situations, we looked at worse case scenarios that rose to the surface.

These are the conditions the inquirers found painful in the particular work they were doing….The Worst:

• the election goes a certain way, and my candidate loses and the other candidate wins
• all my co-workers think I’m weird
• I live in my childhood home for the rest of my life and never marry or have children
• I die alone in an apartment at an old age, and no one notices
• I can’t pay my bills
• The disease never goes away
• My partner leaves me for someone else
• I’m married but living a separate life across the country from my spouse

What is one “worse case scenario” you notice appears in your mind?

 

I’ve probably had them all.

 

But so as not to be overwhelming, this question asking “what’s the worst that could happen?” can be placed on whatever is in front of you right now….the situation of concern in the moment.

 

It doesn’t have to be about the entire world or what you think of as the worst grand huge thing that could ever happen, like the planet blowing up or all humans being attacked by zombies.

 

We don’t have to get that dramatic.

 

In fact, I love noticing the fearful situations and images we have running in the background are often about being alone, having no support, needing something that isn’t here, suffering.

 

I’m losing something, I won’t get something I want (something’s missing). 

 

As I sat taking in everyone’s images during retreat of those difficult outcomes they feared, in popped an idea of my own:

I’ll never be successful like that. 

(Fill in the blank for yourself. Partner, Body, Paycheck, Income, Job, Business, Stage Presence, Creativity, Leadership, Patience, Enlightenment, Speech-Giver).

I see that other option, the one where someone has “made it” in show biz, they’ve invented something brilliant, they’re a famous surgeon, they have a partner who’s amazing, they have a way with people that is unique and genius, they’ve found truth, peace, love, abundance….

….Not me.

I don’t have that (whatever it is).

Not successful. Didn’t make it. Picture of me having some gigantic bill due and no more capacity to work to earn any money.

This is terrible that it turned out this way.

Is it true?

Well, it’s true I didn’t do it THAT way (success image in my head).

But can you absolutely know it’s true that this terrible situation is All Horrible All The Time?

No.

How do you react when you think THIS is not good….THAT is much better, more successful.

Very disappointed. So sad. Like the air is let out of my sail, or out of the balloon. I’ll never have THAT, oh sad day. Pity for myself. Self-criticism or self-abuse: I never, I should have, I didn’t….

And I treat this moment, and me inside it, as if it’s not good enough.

A complaint.

Who would you be without your thought that this is terrible (that worse case scenario)?

Hmmm.

I’d notice, in my situation (end of life, no money, big bill) that things are extremely simple. Simple room, simple chair, not too many gizmos and gadgets around. Sweet quiet.

The bill will soon not be much of a problem (I’ll be dead). But right now, it’s not one either.

It doesn’t mean I don’t care, or that I’m ignoring it. I have a CAN-DO feeling about it. I’m asking for help from experts. I have a phone.

Turning the thought around:

This situation–yes, the same one we just pictured (the worst)–is actually the BEST way it could ever go.

THIS is success, for me.

How could this be just as true, or truer?

I love how during the retreat as I suggested “why would this situation be the BEST thing that happened?”….

….one woman gasped out loud and said “Oh Grace! No!”

Chuckle.

And then, she began to find examples.

One, then two, then three.

People are amazing.

Who would you be if you were not afraid that life might not go the way you like?

Open. Strong. Joyful.

Now, that sounds like success to me, especially when things look a little dire and we’re not sure what’s going to happen.

Breitenbush Hotsprings, Oregon retreat June 12-16th still has a few spots, but it’s almost full. It’s 3 weeks away from last night.

What if you could leave the weight of worry about worse-case-scenarios in the river at Breitenbush?

Join us. 503.854.3320

And even if you never, ever go on a retreat, you can do this work.

You can question your thinking about “terrible” and “worse” and turn your thinking around….to “wonderful” and “best”.

I’d love to hear what you find, if you can find examples.

Much love,

Grace