This past weekend, I went with my husband who is a school teacher to run errands late Saturday afternoon.
He needed supplies to make name tags for his new students, little plastic bins for each child with lids, and some classroom toys. (He’s teaching pre-Kindergarten again this year).
Out in the late afternoon overcast day, I welcomed being a passenger in his car, going along for the ride, resting after running dance in the morning, washing all the windows in my cottage with a dear brother-friend who is a pro window washer, and sweeping, dusting, cleaning.
The weekend looked like autumn, and felt like autumn. Autumn cleaning and autumn rain.
My husband and I were greeted in the bright lights of the fabric store with Halloween decorations, and school supplies.
Fall is when school always began for me, whether I was attending school in Kansas, England, South Africa, Washington state or Colorado.
It’s so ingrained to start new ventures in the fall, it would almost be a surprise for me NOT to have something new beginning in the fall.
But not everything about school is full of simple newness and anticipation that feels good.
Oh, no.
In fact, when my oldest child approached school age, I felt excited….and suddenly, horrified.
I studied homeschooling options. I felt a strange panic inside about all that he was about to get inundated with.
There’s the definitions of Good Student. Grades, tests, homework, sitting in your seat on time before the bell.
Then, there are the social fields of navigation; if you’re “in” or “out” of a group, or who you eat lunch with, if you play sports or do something well.
And what about being easy for the teacher to work with in the classroom? You should be adaptable, show up always on time, listen (No Talking), not ask too many questions, and do what the teacher says.
The teacher will be happy! You will be praised, or at least appreciated!
Recognizing all this deep conditioning, when it came to my child, I had a voice yelling in my head “You can escape the ongoing system! You can save your kids from being taught what is right and what is wrong incessantly!”
(Monty Python’s hilarious line “subvert the dominant paradigm!”. Even though I wasn’t a huge Monty Python fan when I first encountered them.)
Which is why in Year of Inquiry, even though we begin in the fall…
….we don’t have a “good student” precept or conditioning to follow.
Sure, there are some structures that are intended to support. But they aren’t there to mold or force you or instruct you.
But let’s inquire.
Wherever you are, whomever you are, let’s take a look at this concept I’ve held, it seems, without even knowing how deeply ingrained it was in my bones:
You need to be a good student (and maybe this fits for you in the context of work, if you aren’t a student. You need to be a good worker or employee).
Is this true?
Oh my. Can we really question this one?
What if I question it and stop being a “good” student? I’ve tried to be such a good student of the world, life, the mind, even meditation.
Wait. What about doing The Work?
I’ve been a really good student of The Work! (Have I)?
But can I know it’s true I need to be a “good” student of anything? Can I know what a “good” student looks like?
Did I have to try hard to take a glorious walk after the rain when all the leaves were steaming yesterday?
(Good students try hard, right?)
Can I absolutely know it’s true that this “good” conditioning or story is the way I need to go about studying….anything?
No.
How do I react when I believe I need to be a good student, or at least try, try, try? Yes, even when it comes to The Work, or doing yoga, or meditating, or doing something supposedly “good” for me?
I put a whole lot of effort into what I’m learning until I avoid it altogether and say “screw it, who cares”.
I evaluate how my day “should” be spent and give myself a thumbs up if I accomplished a lot, and a thumbs down if I did not. (And I believe I know what ‘accomplished” looks like).
I feel a list of ‘shoulds’ running my life. I’m polite, I withdraw, I question myself and earn the right to just relax, instead of “study”. I do things myself, and don’t ask for help.
I forget how much I love to study, and that there are some topics I’m so fascinated by–there is no making myself study, or making myself do it “well”.
Which is why in Year of Inquiry and sharing this orientation means, at a fundamental level, is there is truly no wrong way to do it.
People really have to question this belief to understand, though. Most folks don’t believe it.
But in YOI (or anywhere there’s schooling) you don’t “have to” find insights, become a good example, show up for absolutely everything, do your work the “right” way, not express yourself truthfully.
In fact, I encourage people to NOT follow their “good student” stories.
Instead, we can turn it around, and have fun being BAD students. (LOL).
TA: You need to be a bad student (or bad employee or worker or whatever role you’re questioning).
What if that was just as true?
Bad students show up (or not) and come to what they can.
They sit down with pen and paper and do The Work (or not) with resistance and complaining and heavy emphasis on noticing what you really don’t like about reality, other people, family of origin, yourself, work, money, stress…..school.
People think they’re behind all the time in regular school, or they have to “catch up” with their homework or assignments.
In Year of Inquiry sometimes people think they’re “behind”.
Behind what?
Usually when I have this thought I’m behind my own ideal version or perfected version of myself (that is entirely unreal). I have thoughts about how my mind should be.
But in this turnaround exploration, I can be the “bad” version of myself. THIS mediocre, regular-person version.
(And we of course find over and over again we can’t know what “bad” or “good” even are, not really).
Who would we be without our stories that we must be schooled, and become Good Students?
Holy smokes, what a question.
All I can say is….free.
I would be free. And unencumbered. Wild instead of domesticated. Perhaps uncertain. Full of new crazy ideas.
There would be no more “not good enough” or “good enough”. No constant measuring and evaluation, or believing that the measurements are true.
What we have going in Year of Inquiry you can bring into your own new year of inquiry, starting today.
Consider if you did not have “bad” or “good” on how you parent, what kind of a mate you are, what kind of employee you are (or manager), how well you managed life?
What if you just arrived here from another planet for the very first time, with no concepts of how there are right ways to do things here, and wrong ways?
What if you just noticed what works and what doesn’t work, and what feels loving and what feels violent?
Perhaps it is not so scary to question your stories about what is “good” and what is “bad”.
Perhaps this could offer the greatest freedom you ever imagined.
“Once I learned the scam we run on ourselves here, once I understood that people were pretending not to know who they are, it became simpler to talk….
….Everything comes and goes in its own time. You have no control. You never had any control, and you never will. You only tell the story of what you think is happening. Do you think you cause movement? You don’t. It just happens, but you tell the story of how you had something to do with it: ‘I moved my legs, I decided to walk.’ I don’t think so. If you inquire, you’ll see that that’s just a story. You know that you’re going to move because everything is happening simultaneously. You tell the story before movement, because you already are that. IT moves, and you think that you did it. Then you tell the story of how you’re going somewhere or how you’re doing something. The only thing you can play with is the story. that’s the only game in town.” ~ Byron Katie
If you’re ready to join me on an open adventure in being with other minds, sharing The Work together, all of us letting go of stories of “good” and “bad”, then check out Year of Inquiry HERE.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Two spots left in fall retreat in Pennsylvania Oct 17-20, dorm style lodging in our great big beautiful amish-style vacation home. Bring your own bedding or we’ll have a cot set up for you (lodging has a small separate fee).
