They don’t care about me–or is it that I don’t care about myself?

In a moment, let’s do The Work on the belief: that person doesn’t care about me.

Ay me!

When we believe this thought we can feel so sad, disappointed, or angry, you know? Even mild irritation is a message to question the belief.

But first…a few upcoming events that are so close to deadline, I wanted to make sure you were aware, so you can join in if they’re right for you:

1) Today is the last day for early bird registration for fall retreat (this year near the gorgeous Poconos Mountains of Pennsylvania). We meet Oct 17-20. For more information or to register, head over here. We’ll all be sharing a beautiful lodge and there are good loft beds left but not in private rooms–some of the best retreats I’ve ever been on, to my surprise, were when everyone lay on sleeping mats in one big room to sleep. This is a beautiful place to do The Work together, step by step, family style.

2) If you’re wanting to heal from any time in your life DIVORCE or BREAK-UP or SEPARATION, Nadine Ferris France and I would love to have you, beginning this coming Sunday. We meet 11:00 am Pacific Time/2:00 pm Eastern/ 7:00 pm UK from August 18-October 13 (no class August 25th).

Nadine and I both went through marriages ending, and all the suffering that ensued…until we did The Work.

We love sharing the freedom that comes out of doing The Work on this issue with others. Every call is recorded so no need to attend every single one. We meet in a private special forum and really dive into The Work on the mindset that creates war, panic and despair when it comes to relationships transitioning in this way. Learn more or register here.

3) Year of Inquiry starts in a month. Overjoyed to begin this profound journey for another year with a new group of old friends and new. Join us! Read about it here. (And I’ll be offering info sessions on it soon, stay tuned).

A lot of opportunity to do The Work, to question the stressful and stressed-out mind.

Including the thought I mentioned at the beginning of this newsy Grace Note….when someone doesn’t care about you.

This is a thought some of us have had many, many times.

So the easiest thing to do is to pick just one situation with one person. A moment when you really recognized they weren’t caring about you.

God, a girlfriend, a husband, a sibling, your mother, your boss, the neighbor.

What they said, did, or did not do, what they acted like….it proves they don’t care.

A memory comes alive in me suddenly of being enraptured in the middle of watching the ballet “Cinderella” on the television at age 8. It’s a rare moment, I’m alone in the den of our big green house in Kansas for some reason, sitting in the big chair where my dad usually would sit if he were also watching.

Abruptly, my mother enters the room and turns off the television.

(I am so upset about not seeing the rest of the story, told in ballet form, that I still remember the crime to this day).

My mother is very angry. I get my marching orders to go to bed…now. 

Is it true she doesn’t care about me?

YES!

If she cared, she’d let me watch the whole program.

(Is that really true)?

No.

How do you react when you believe that person doesn’t care?

Furious. Put out. Angry. Sad. Feeling it’s Not Fair.

I remember being entirely and completely stuck in the belief that if she cared, she’d allow me to watch, and that it was my only time ever in history I could watch that program.

But who would I be without this belief, that caring = letting me do what I want?

I’d know right away she does care about me. I wouldn’t velcro together me getting my whole TV program with her caring.

I’d contemplate other ways to finish the program some day, instead of give up in despair.

Turning it around:

My mother DOES care about me. I don’t care about myself. I don’t care about her!

Easy to find that I don’t care about her at all. I imagine now, as an adult, that she might have been putting my 3 other sisters to bed (why was I alone watching TV, anyway–maybe the only time I can ever remember that ever happening in my life)? I have no recollection of anything else going on in the house–only MY story and entertainment that wasn’t ending happily.

I didn’t care about myself. I didn’t see how capable and able I was to experience disappointment, but not freak out. I was able to move on. Except my re-conjured up memory, I was totally fine and un-disturbed. I could change channels in the middle of something without dying…easy. It was uncaring of me to miss how all was well in the moment….not a disaster.

She did care about me. Of course she did. She even wanted me to go to bed, since it was night time, and get good sleep. She was wonderful that way. She was a guide, and offered stellar structure of self-care each day.

A little lightly and barely stressful memory just un-did itself in this inquiry today. It’s the type of not-very-stressful memory that I’ve never “worked” before with self-inquiry.

What I notice about caring, is when I believe it isn’t happening, even with the belief that I should care about myself (and I don’t) then I’m full of punishment and attack energy. To others, to me.

Undoing those thoughts is a profoundly brilliant experience. One by one.

Which brings me to the lovely conversation I had recently with Ernest Holm Svendsen, another Certified Facilitator of The Work who lives in Denmark.

So marvelous to hear about someone’s loving journey in The Work over the years.