Most of us these days have thought about the term “Enlightenment”. In one of the online dictionaries it is defined as transcending suffering and desire.
That about sums up my determination in my late teens and throughout my twenties. The way I would handle not feeling confident, not having lots of money, not feeling happy, and constantly feeling empty and hungry and like actually eating tons of food or smoking and drinking a lot was that I would chase after every teacher, idea, book and philosophy that could teach me how to NOT WANT ANYTHING.
It seemed like being totally unattached would feel so free, painless, and easy.
Wouldn’t it be great to be detached and just be able to say honestly “uh, yeah, I don’t really care about eating anything right now. Whatever.”
Or, “I don’t care about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it doesn’t matter one way or the other.”
Or, “Who cares about my job, we’re all rats in the rat-race so I’ll just walk away from it or never get anything where I really have to do what the Man says”.
I like when the detachment chase becomes a little possible in some areas, and it seems like we’re conquering it. It feels so transcendent. “I’m beyond all this! It’s working! Hooray, I don’t care!”
The tricky part about this search for detachment is that it is just another strategy created by my mind. When something doesn’t work, the mind gets a bigger plan, says Katie. The new plan: Attain Enlightenment!!!!
The problem is, I was always there with my imperfect little self, making mistakes and having emotional ups and downs, sad then happy, angry then calm. Worried then not worried.
I think it’s called being a Regular Human.
It can feel like a weight is lifted off your entire world if you stop trying to “work” on your attachments. If you feel beyond them and like you get some distance, it feels so wonderful to not react.
But those of us who are drawn to detachment….like me….it’s good to be really honest and still find out what I care about, what I love, what I miss. Doing the Work doesn’t mean being passive and being detached and “loving what is” absolutely all the time without passion. It feels alive, aware, present, excited.
If you’ve been interested in Enlightenment and seeking it, write down all your concepts on what is good about it and what is wrong with you now, if you believe you’re not there yet.
I love what Adyashanti writes about seeking and trying to get to that state that we think is better than whatever is happening right now, whether it’s being detached like I used to want all the time, or feeling blissful:
“What does awakening mean for you? Do you want it because it sounds good? Then you’ve borrowed someone else’s idea of it. What is it that’s intrinsic to you? What’s been important to you your whole life? If you touch upon that, you are in touch with a force that no teacher or teaching could ever give you. You are quite on your own in finding it. No one can tell you what that is.”—Adyashanti
Love, Grace