Tag: adyashanti

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Be your own Gandhi–the change you wish to see–by doing The Work!

Gandhi said “be the change you wish to see in the world”. The best way I know how? Self-inquiry, followed by living our turnarounds and taking action. Join YOI to receive the support to do this.

The Year of Inquiry (YOI) circle begins next week in earnest with live telecalls. No one has to commit completely until November 1st.

This week, everyone’s going through Orientation, scheduling their first solo session with me, and joining our private forum watching the tech intro video. We’re writing our first Judge Your Neighbor worksheet.

We’re gathering. We don’t know each other yet. We’re about to begin our journey.

We’re taking the plunge into sharing inquiry in a committed way with other people. Scheduling it.

Not just doing it in the car in our heads.

Plus, our in-person live group (optional) retreat in Seattle is only six weeks away (Oct 17-21…it will be amazing, the highlight of my fall).

If you are seriously considering joining this fabulous one-year small group of inquirers, email me soon for a conversation: grace@workwithgrace.com or read about it here. Only a few spots left.

A participant in a past year shared this with the YOI group as we got underway, and I feel the same: “I’d like to say how much I’m enjoying being a part of this group. I thank you all very much for coming together and making it possible. I thank me, too, for this gift to myself.” ~ YOI Participant

Being connected to others in groups and at a deeply intimate level has offered me shifts in my life that have changed…..everything.

But being in a group can be uncomfortable! It can be really freaky scary!

It might be boring, stupid, full of annoying people, or depressing!

The first time I went to a twelve step meeting, over thirty years ago, I was so shocked that people spoke the way they were. I was quite literally stunned.

I had no idea you could say out loud what was going on inside your mind and heart.

I had no idea you could actually tell the truth.

But I caught the bug of awareness about my own mind by hearing others talk about theirs.

A few years later, I joined a therapy group.

That scared me half to death. I was silent for six months before the therapist actually said “your silence is actually very controlling”.

OMG! Really? But I don’t want anyone, ever, to see anything wrong with ME!

Oh. Right. I’m controlling the potential opinions of others.

This very resistance to people seeing what’s wrong with me, and the story I have about it, may be a terrible misunderstanding. And also, the primary way the story remains intact.

When I first encountered The Work of Byron Katie, I felt a memory stir of how I felt when I started that group therapy in my twenties.

I wanted to clam up.

Thanks! Got it! I’ll just go away and handle this BY MYSELF! See ya! I’m good! Yep, yessirree I’ve done a LOT of personal work so I’ll take it from here!

I wanted to burn my Judge Your Neighbor worksheets. I might even look over my shoulder while I wrote them just to make sure no one was coming.

Once, I was reading a worksheet out loud to a facilitator (who I could hardly believe I had hired), and I watched myself skip right over one of my sentences, one of my stressful concepts.

I couldn’t read that one. Then the facilitator would really hate me. Maybe some judgments are acceptable, but not that one.

I’ll just work on that one later, by myself in my closet with a flashlight.

The truth is, when you work with a group of people, and get to know them and show up regularly, you have no way to manipulate, direct, appease, lighten, or control what anyone does, says, thinks or feels when you tell the absolute truth.

We may see parts of you that you normally keep hidden.

You may not be able to keep that ugly stuff to yourself anymore.

“The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else’s eyes.” ~ Pema Chodron

The thing is, you can only maneuver your life into being closed and careful for so long.

At some point, for everyone, their interest in the truth and revealing themselves becomes more important than holding things together.

I find every time I join a collection of people with the intention to learn, grow, incorporate and understand….it’s thrilling.

Our joining makes something wonderful happen.

But I’ve got a lot of practice now at self-disclosure. I know from experience that it works WAY better than puttin’ a lid on it.

I speak from careful testing.

I would have LOVED to maintain a perfect image and never have to say the yucky stuff, the fears, the anger, the sadness.

But it was killing me not to.

Even if you’re super crazy shy, you know how great it feels to have one of those wonderful, close, connected, honest conversations.

Being with others in a deeply honest way may not only be good, it may change your entire life.

Twelve step groups, support groups, one-on-one counseling, group therapy, retreats, prayer circles, study groups, people who do The Work of Byron Katie together.

We the people are somewhere you can reach us…whether on the phone, in your neighborhood, in your city.

You mean….I am going to reveal my stressful, weird, unpleasant, nasty, immature beliefs?

You mean I’m going to tell about my inadequacies, fears, and anger?

You mean I’m going to write what is inside my head? On paper (not in invisible ink)? And read what I write OUT LOUD?

Yes. You are. (You know you want to)!

You may feel sick for a little bit, but it’s awesome.

The more I’ve done The Work….the easier its gotten to reveal my innermost crushing thoughts to other humans.

In fact, the cave is no longer dark and musty and smelly–the one filled with all those resistant beliefs.

It’s rather light and treasure-filled now.

I see now that this comes from being totally and completely honest, noticing exactly where and what I wanted to hide, and uncovering it…all the way.

“Most people don’t get out of childhood, or adolescence, without being wounded for telling the truth. Someone says ‘you can’t say that’ or ‘you shouldn’t say that’ or ‘that wasn’t appropriate’ so most of us human beings have a very deep underlying conditioning that says that just to be who we are is not OK….Most human beings have an imprinting that if they’re real, if they’re honest, somebody’s not gonna like it. And they won’t be able to control their environment if they tell the truth.” ~ Adyashanti

Letting go of control, you become very honest.

That moment of speaking the truth without trying to get anything or expect anything or look a particular way–that moment of just being you–what an amazing shift.

You may notice a freedom beyond belief.

“If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve.” ~ Tao Te Ching #74

If you’re ready to be with a group, supporting you through inquiry with honesty and integrity, then come on down to the One Year Program and join our telesessions, starting next week.

We meet Tuesdays OR Wednesdays OR Thursdays. Come to one a week, or come to all three. You’ll be partnering with others privately, sharing on our private slack forum, learning about and diving into a different topic every month.

You will be welcome here…the real you.

If you head to this page, there will be a recorded presentation at the top about every detail of the program you can watch (60 minutes) and fast forward through any piece of it. There are slides to make it easy (it’s a webinar). If you’re ready to join, scroll down until you see the registration links.

When you sign up, I’ll get a personal email and write you back within 24 hours to welcome you and get our first solo session scheduled.

And even if you never join Year of Inquiry, find others to connect with. Have them facilitate you. You facilitate them.

Begin. Then, you’ll truly be the change you wish to see in the world.

You’ll be your own Gandhi.

Much love,
Grace
P.S. If you want to come to ONLY the retreat October 17-21, you can sign up here.

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It shouldn’t have happened. Seriously. I was soooo overheated.

As always, being at Breitenbush annually in the height of the bright summer days is not only the sweetest fresh air, gorgeous giant pines, flowers, babbling river, cozy cabins, and a true complete break from regular daily life….

….but also a time of such joy and gratitude as I sit with people who have never done The Work, along with quite a few who have, and hear the insights pop throughout the room.

The more time in the work, as we spend our hours together, the deeper the insights seem to move.

It occurred to me once again, that one profoundly painful ghostly underlying belief appears in almost everyone’s Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, including my own…even if we haven’t written it down.

This one belief appears in every objection we’ve ever had. Whether we almost died in a car accident, a true love left us, or someone was rude.

It shouldn’t have happened that way.

When anyone writes a JYN, we’re remembering a painful moment in the past, or imagining being in a painful moment in the future.

I’m hurting. I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m worried about the way it went, and worried it will happen again.

Actions, ideas, ways to solve the problem spring out of this deeply painful thought that I believe it shouldn’t have happened….

….whether the thought is about death, sickness or shock….

….or the annoying long-term partner who won’t stop that irritating behavior….

….it simply would be better if it hadn’t happened.

Let’s do The Work together today: Find an incident you believe shouldn’t have happened. Just one. That’s the simplicity of The Work. You don’t have to question everything you’ve ever thought shouldn’t have happened.

Just that first one that came to mind just now.

Picture that person, being like that. Or that event you’d rather not think about too often.

I picture immediately someone I knew. The way she swore really scared me. She seemed so mean, I wanted to hide under the bed because of her critical and bossy manner.

So is it true it shouldn’t have happened? Is it true she shouldn’t have acted like that, used those words, been so cruel and angry?

Yes!

It was so frightening! I can’t handle it! (Wave arms around, tell the whole story, express how awful it was–at least this was my first answer to the question “is it true?”)

Now, I’m not suggesting it’s not incredibly powerful to share what you experienced, in order to understand it or receive help and support in exploring what happened. Many people have benefitted profoundly through a therapeutic meeting one-to-one where one important facet of the meeting is to tell the story of what happened clearly, openly.

It can be especially meaningful if the person telling the story has never shared it before. Secrets don’t fester and grow when they are shared. Secrets can be revealed, and come out of the darkness when they are spoken.

But to take it to the next step….to look with open eyes, with questions, finding your own answers….this is The Work.

So is it absolutely, 100% true for all time, with no shadow of a doubt that the person in question, the incident that went down, shouldn’t have happened?

Hmmm.

I can’t know it for sure. Not in the situation I’m remembering. And do I actually have all the data? Could that even be possible? Do I know what the final outcome will be, or what it created or offered me that it went that way? Could I know that I wouldn’t mess up some weird piece of the puzzle if I took out that incident or that person entirely from my life? And can I simply notice, it was painful, and now it’s over?

I can’t know it shouldn’t have happened. It doesn’t mean I have to like that it did.

How do I react when I believe something shouldn’t have happened?

I crunch up inside against the memory. I try to think about other things. I say positive affirmations. I chant and work on myself to “get over” that person. I get super grumpy. I say “screw them!” even though I haven’t seen them in ten years (LOL). I blame that person for ruining my life, or trying to.

Sunday, on my way home from Breitenbush, it was 98 degrees Fahrenheit outside. Very unusually hot. I have no air conditioner in my car, and it never occurs to me to need it because I live in a cool climate (once a year, it wafts through my mind and then I forget about it all over again).

I was melting.

I drove by a large car sales lot about four hours from my home, and the thought entered my mind I could get off the freeway and buy a car with air conditioning RIGHT NOW. My mind was so speedy quick, I already had pictures of that plan not working because I would need to leave my car there, unload all the luggage, including boxes of retreat-facilitating materials, and put everything in my new car, and then I’d have to come back and get the old one and drive four whole hours AGAIN just to retrieve it. A whole future image, all thought up, in about 2 seconds. Bam.

Mind dishing up solutions to the problem, speedy quick. Brilliant, busy mind. When it thinks something is true, it will really try to go for EVERY possible solution.

Trouble is, it hurts if a) none of the solutions really solve the problem and b) you can only be happy if the problem is solved.

Even if a solution CAN solve the problem, you aren’t happy until you execute the solution. Which leaves “unhappy” time as required while you wait.

But who would you be without the thought “this shouldn’t be happening” or “it shouldn’t ever have happened”?

Who would you be without the belief she shouldn’t have been that way? He shouldn’t have said that? It shouldn’t have occurred? It shouldn’t be this freakin’ hot?

Sometimes, where there’s a particularly painful event, or personality you’ve had to deal with….

….you just stare at it blankly for a minute, when you consider that fourth question.

Let yourself take it slowly.

What would it be like, without that thought?

I notice first, I’m coming back into this present moment. I’m here now, listening to trucks and men’s happy shouting voices outside since a neighbor is building a new house. Noticing the overcast sky, and the cool breeze of today. Not overheated in the body.

Noticing the mind was OK all along, whether the car was a baking sauna yesterday, or not.

Without the belief it shouldn’t have happened, I feel more relaxed somehow. Not so tight and restricted and focused on solving that problem. Not obsessed with What Was.

Without the belief, I don’t feel condemning, of either that other person or of myself. I’m more in a Don’t Know place. Feeling the quiet of this moment, here, now.

Without the belief “it shouldn’t have happened” I notice the sadness of things like that happening sometimes in this world without the heaviness, with compassion for us all.

Turning this underlying belief around: it should have happened. 

This is not about finding examples of how it should have happened because you deserved it, or someone else did, with all the pain and agony that involves. This is about seeing how it should have happened, because it did.

And did anything at all come of it, that you found helpful….even the tiniest thing?

That hot melting physically uncomfortable ride should have happened, because it made me think again about finding an electric air-conditioned car, that suits my support of lowering the environmental impact of my driving. It made me take it so seriously, I believe I may be researching this soon.

That person should have acted that way, because it showed me how not to act. It showed me who to move away from and how to say “no” in a clear way. It showed me what I’ve been afraid of, that may not be so scary after all (she’s just a human being, with a lot of fearful thoughts actually). It showed me where I assumed I was unworthy, and invited me to question this form of suffering instead of believing it.

That should have happened, because I am a human being living in the same conditions of temporary life on planet earth as any other human being. It should have happened because it affected my life so deeply, it’s a part of my spiritual path and growth to make peace with it. Otherwise, I’d probably be watching TV.

How amazing to discover reasons that are honest, genuine reasons I actually believe for why it should have happened.

Can you find them, for your situation?

“Any time you argue with what was, what is, or what will be, you limit your ability to experience the vastness of who you are. There’s no way around it. It doesn’t matter what happened, or how cruel someone was, or how unfair something was. It may have been all of those things, and the pain may be very deep and real, but when we have a mental resistance, when we say something should or should not have happened, we’re arguing with what did happen or what is happening. When we argue with life, we lose every single time–and suffering wins.” ~ Adyashanti from Falling Into Grace

I see the present moment as sometimes including my thoughts about a past moment I objected to. If I say “yes” to that moment, including the thoughts of the past….it’s called The Work.

Loving what is….including my belief “it shouldn’t have happened”.

What a sweet belief, that resisted What Is, that the mind thought would help me survive, and not feel pain.

Turning the thought around again: My thinking shouldn’t have happened…instead of the event, person, condition, or incident.

Yes, that thinking was very fretful, full of boiling anxiety, resentment, rage, despair. So focused on how “it” shouldn’t have happened.

The thing, person, event, incident, situation actually ended, or moved forward, or morphed and changed, or grew into something different. It’s over. My thinking is the thing that continued and ruminated or obsessed or re-considered it over and over again.

And, I love how my thinking also moves me into noticing how the way I see it is not true, how it can answer the simple questions, how it can ponder and relax….and end the repetitive suffering.

I love how my thinking can journey into new answers, new possibilities, variety, gathering ideas, joy in the midst of sorrow, humor.

All as a result of the little question “can you absolutely know it’s true that it shouldn’t have happened?”

Turns out, it happened, but I don’t have to suffer over it.

This is true for cars without air conditioning in very hot weather, or your dear friend getting cancer, or parents being abusive, or your partner leaving you, or the kitchen drawer getting stuck every time you try to open it.

Who are you right now, without your story?

Accepting what is. Broken drawer, partner not in the room, mean parents, very ill friend, hot.

Noticing what happens next, with complete acceptance of what is.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Two events happening soon, that support your inquiry:

1) Being With Byron Katie Joining in live event happening in Switzerland via streaming video all the way to Seattle. Four bedrooms for those who want to sleep overnight. We’ll participate right alongside the folks who are in Switzerland with Katie.

2) Sliding Scale pay what you can. Summer Camp For The Mind begins July 5 – August 18.

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Don’t go spouting out an answer…..sit there.

My mom on my left, announcing to all of us in the row on the plane: Do you want to see where we are?

She’s excitedly waving her cell phone.

My sister on my right: I keep telling you to TURN ON your airplane mode! You should NOT be able to tell us where we are!!

My mom: I didn’t turn it on this time! But the GPS dot is still glowing!

My sister: That’s impossible!

My mom: No it isn’t! I swear! 

My sister: OK. Fine. Show me where we are on the map.

My mom: No. I’m not going to show you now!

My sister: I didn’t want to see it anyway!

Hilarious!

Don’t you love how adults can snip at each other just like age 11?

Everyone was laughing a moment later.

But it’s sort of endearing to notice, these moments happen. Communication snafu, a little sting, an irritation, a flame.

They happen at such a quick speed, it’s practically hard to even catch. You might say something you regret, or feel all riled up on the inside full of tension.

Family is especially great for this practice. You know what I’m talking about.

The best way I find to work with a dynamic where someone really bugs you, even if you adore and love them, is to first, hold very very still on the moment you felt the slap, or irritation, the sting, the offense.

What are your thoughts about that moment?

What do you want, what do you fear, what do you need that you think is missing?

Now….see if there was another similar moment like it in the past, maybe even the distant past.

The Original Offense.

I like investigating my fears that show up as little irritations by noticing how far back they go. I see the story and where it was born, where it came alive, and where I’ve then seen proof for this belief I had appear, perhaps again and again.

A moment like this for me: I’m in the passenger seat. My husband is driving. He turns a different way than I normally go, headed to the same destination.

I feel a blast of annoyance. “Why are you going this way? It’s longer, and less pleasant!”

Why on earth would I care about which way we’re going, if I’m not even driving the car, and I trust we are indeed headed where we both desire to go?

What do I want? No surprises. To relax. What do I fear? The route will take up my attention. We’ll be lost. I can’t concentrate on our conversation, or enjoying the ride. What do I need that I think is missing? A recognized pattern. My usual way. Not having to re-direct.

Do I remember an earlier situation where taking an unexpected turn wasn’t such a great outcome? A time I got lost?

I sit a moment to see if a memory appears.

And then….one does appear.

(I told you it doesn’t take long, if you sit still with it a moment).

It’s my mom and dad, up front in the car, dad driving, mom navigating–and THEY are arguing, and I’m worried about their argument.

I just want my dad to go the normal way, so my mom doesn’t get upset. Going alternative ways is obviously worthy of upseted-ness. My proof is my mom’s response to him.

And now, I can question it all. My dad was lost, is it true? My mom was frightened, is it true? My mom shouldn’t have been angry, is it true? They should never bicker, is that true?

Who would I be now, without that story appearing before my eyes?

Laughing at the hilarity of it all. Noticing the similarity in the moment sitting between two wonderful people I adore (sister, mother) and having no issue with them being pissy with each other.

In fact, it’s rather entertaining.

Another case closed.

“Don’t try to change the dream, because trying to change it is just another movement in the dream. Look at the dream. Be aware of the dream. That awareness is It. Become more interested in the awareness of the dream than in the dream itself. What is that awareness? Who is that awareness? Don’t go spouting out an answer, just be the answer. Be It.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love,

Grace

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Trying to Clean the Screen? Inquire, & the Projector Gets Clear Instead. And there’s dancing.

Upcoming events:
*Three hour Saturday afternoon meetup 3/18 at East West Books for only $25. Register here. I’ll share specifically how to do The Work on eating, weight, compulsive thoughts about food and your body.
*Living Turnarounds Group Sunday 2/26 3-6 pm (if you’re a beginner in The Work, email me first before registering).
********************
question your thoughts, dance into a new reality

I’m about to go dancing. It’s what I do on Saturday mornings now if I’m not teaching a retreat somewhere out of town, and one of my absolute favorite things in my entire life.

This kind of dancing is almost not really “dancing” the way many of us think of as dancing, because it’s spontaneous movement, without words, to music of all kinds of genres and countries.
There are no step, no choreography, no requirements whatsoever, no need to dance with anyone. You can stop, you can sit on a yoga mat or a chair eyes closed or open, you can shake a shaker or tambourine, you can be entirely still. People of all ages attend, and I especially love all the people who come in their 60s, 70s, 80s.
What does this have to do with The Work?
Everything, I realized some time ago.
Here I am in this body, on planet earth, experiencing this particular lifetime. There’s a mind attached to this body, a brain, thoughts, feelings, responses to this reality.
And movement happens, it seems, out of this body. I lie down to sleep. I rise in the morning and get out of bed. I go to the kitchen and drink a glass of water. I notice thoughts, and notice the room, and notice sounds. I peel a banana and eat it, gorgeous.
Now, the body sits at a table and fingers are typing. Soon, this will stand up and gather a coat and others items to leave for the dancing. At least this is most likely. The mind doesn’t know exactly how it will go.
In the flow and river of what’s happening are thoughts, ideas, planning, wondering, and movement and stillness.
The way of it.
Not up to me. I am not in charge. I didn’t even invent this body, I don’t run the lungs, heart beat, temperature. I don’t invent the thoughts that appear, or the feelings that follow thoughts.
I used to think, when I stuffed myself with junk food, and watched my judgments become enraged, when I shoplifted that time on my bicycle in college, when I said mean things to people close to me, when I didn’t have enough money, when I didn’t win the race, when I didn’t dance very freely, when I was nervous about going on stage, when I had any uncomfortable feeling….
….I used to ALWAYS think it was My Fault.
Or, someone else’s.
What’s wrong with this person? (Me, Them).
Then I’d start to think about all the ways I could improve myself, or get away from that other person, or stop feeling “x”.
In the Year of Inquiry group the other day on our phone call, someone said as she’s navigating a major change in her life, very unplanned….
….What if this is the BEST that could happen?
As opposed to the WORST?
An amazing thing to realize, to feel and understand and be aware of….even just a drop.
It suddenly brings us back to right now, this moment, looking around as if to find the good news, the best, the interesting, the wondrous, the handle-able.
Are things so difficult as our thoughts sometimes make them out to be? Do we really need to worry? Is fear the motivator for change….or is accepting this stunning lack of need to change things the easier way?
As I found The Work in 2014 it was a slow dawn. First it was reading Loving What Is. Then a weekend workshop. Then making my way to the School for The Work in 2005 (a big leap there, with 9 days of inquiry). Then another school, and using the last drop of savings to attend it. Free to spend the money without fear. Even with fear.
No planning was done for how this went. I just knew what to do next. And next. And next.
And I noticed dancing right there at the School, during breaks, during one exercise. The joyful, spontaneous movement that didn’t need to be any certain way whatsoever except free, expressing itself.
So I found dance back at home where I lived, free-form dance, and I started going specifically to do what Byron Katie calls “living your turnaround”. An intention to move without worry, or criticism (well, there were a lot of inhibitions at first, for about a year, but I kept showing up and dancing who I would be without my thoughts).
And eventually, with my husband, I started a dance of this same interesting kind–open movement without plans, without requirements of any kind.
Being You in a group of other people all moving together.
This feels like where The Work brings us all. Being ourselves, connected to everyone and all that is, moving freely with joy and love, this body, music (or no music as we live our waking day moving from here to there, even from one room to another room). Just for a temporary time here on planet earth.
Who would you be without any thought whatsoever that something is required, or there’s someone to blame–someone’s fault–just for today? Who would I be without the belief there’s something off, or wrong, just for the next hour?
What if this is the BEST that could happen, and I could doubt my fears and angst about whether or not it’s gone wrong?
“Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector-mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.” ~ Byron Katie
As one of my other favorite teachers (Adyashanti) invites people from time to time to try: Sit on a couch, and only get up when “it” gets up, not when you think you should, or shouldn’t, or when you have a thought about it.
Who would you be, how would you move, without your beliefs or your identity?
This morning, apparently, I’d be Dancing.
Much love,
Grace
P.S. Most Saturday mornings Free Form Dance Dance is at Northgate Community Center in Seattle. Doors open 10 am.
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Nothing holds a candle to this

What if you didn’t know you did it wrong, made a mistake, or failed? Don’t believe your thoughts, even about yourself.

Last Sunday in the middle of a beautiful, dark, wintery afternoon at a hushed meditation satsang event with a teacher I so love, Adyashanti, I noticed a thought suddenly appear.

(Satsang, by the way, means a gathering of people with shared spiritual interests to talk about truth and sacred ideas–Q & A time).

This wise teacher and author, a man very close to my same age, has followers from all over the world, and hundreds of people at his meditation retreats.

And here he was talking, yet again, about giving up the hunt. The pain of seeking, searching, reaching, pushing. The ridiculousness, in many ways, of talking about “enlightenment” or pursuing some condition other than what is here, now. He dialogued with a very sincere woman encouraging her to find her own way, her own answers, and not follow his way or anyone else’s. And definitely not to move to California near where he lives.

His unassuming invitation was to wonder about All This. To grapple and sort through it. To come up with no solid, rigid answers and yet still move, act, watch oneself navigate through conditioning, and reality.

Somewhere around then, my stressful thought appeared. (Remember I mentioned it?)

The thought had babies. It went something like this: I better buy the recording of this conversation, so I can “get” it.

Then a little familiar depressive feeling of the futility of all the “trying to understand” something about the meaning of life. Whatever.

I had stayed up late the night before, and perhaps lack of sleep affected me. I had a very chocolatey dessert and a lively and wonderful conversations into the wee hours.

I also felt a slight sore throat, glands working hard. A fatigue.

Have you ever noticed when you have a barrage of self-critical thinking, the voice is saying “you” like it’s an actual person, talking to you?

You should have gone to bed earlier. You didn’t even like the chocolate that much, what a fool for eating it so late. You facilitate Eating Peace for crying out loud! You should quit! How you got this far with your programs, I have no idea. I have one word for you: retire. You’re not that great at meditating either, I might add. Twenty minutes a day? (Say “loser” while coughing).

Um.

It would be funny except it’s pretty harsh, right?

Deep breath.

Lately, I’ve been preparing the Year of Inquiry group for our next month on Relationships. As I was reading and researching for Katie’s ideas and suggestions about doing The Work on relationships, I came across an important passage.

“If you haven’t undone your painful thoughts, you can get into a bubble bath, light candles, recite positive affirmations, pamper yourself in every way–and once you’re out of the tub, the same thoughts will come back to haunt you. It’s like staging a seduction only the one you’re trying to seduce is you…..The only obstacle to loving other people is believing what you think, and you’ll come to see that that’s also the only obstacle to loving yourself.” ~ Byron Katie (pg. 204 in I Need Your Love)

We’ve all heard how not doing The Work on yourself is generally the easier, more crystal clear way to “see” your objections to a situation. Everyone always wants to do The Work on themselves when they first begin The Work. But get the hang of judging someone else? Oh what brilliant awareness can come forward, without it wiggling out of reach because you’re questioning your own thoughts about your own thinking.

But what if you DID take this potentially harder road, where it might get a bit murky and you might have an agenda to enforce change….

….but you questioned just one stressful thought about yourself, very sincerely, very honestly, anyway?

Ready?

What haven’t you forgiven yourself for?

Even if it’s not the biggest, wildest, most ugly thought…..what do you see in the middle of a situation where your thoughts get nasty, about yourself?

I did it wrong.

OK, let’s go.

Is it true you did it wrong? (Stayed up too late, ate the wrong thing, said the wrong thing, screwed up, failed)?

Yes.

Ugh.

The pictures start showing me so many ways I screwed up. Remember that time in high school? What about the multitudes of embarrassing moments involving romance? How about driving after drinking, with your headlights turned off on purpose? What about the guy who loved me and I broke his heart but can’t even remember his name? Or the time I stole laundry detergent? Dropped out of college? Started a job, went through the training, and then quit it only a few months later?

Or, the abortion?

Mistake! Mistake! Mistake!

Are you sure? Can you absolutely know that it’s true it was wrong?

No.

If you say “yes” keep going anyway. There’s so much you can still learn, even if you’re sure you made a terrible mistake.

How do you react when you think your thought?

Sinking into the ground. Afraid. Embarrassed. Secretive. Too nice. Incredibly stiff and careful. Hoping I never run into “x” or “y” people.

So who would you be without the thought you made a mistake and did it wrong?

Really, what would it be like if you couldn’t think that thought?

“Trying to earn your own love is just as painful as seeking the love of others, and the results are just as unsatisfying. And undoing the search works the same way. When you sincerely question your unexamined thoughts about yourself, love just happens.” ~ Byron Katie

Some people will think….well, wait now. If I let myself off the hook, if I accept myself or STOP thinking I totally screwed up, doesn’t that excuse it? Doesn’t it mean I’ll do it again, or never stop doing it?

Don’t I have to be against myself eating something for example, in order to know NOT to do it again?

Well, heck, that never worked before. So how about let’s try kindness and open inquiry, rather than violent thoughts towards the self.

Turning the thought around: I did NOT make a mistake, or do it wrong. I made a correction. I did it right.

This path is perfect for me. This path is my particular enlightenment path, my personalized journey of awareness in this world.

How could that be true, or truer, than the thought “YOU SCREWED UP YOU DINGALING!” (and all the accompanying yelling)?

I did not make a mistake. I didn’t do it wrong. 

These actions all showed me something very interesting. Showed me when I was willing to override what I thought was wrong to get something I believed was missing, or threatened.

Making these “mistakes” helped me identify how small I felt. How victim-y. How impatient. How desperate. How merged with holding onto an identity that’s in control, that “knows” what I shouldn’t be like.

Huh.

How simple, and quiet it is, to consider I should be exactly all the ways I’ve been–every action, every supposed mistake. No battle in it. Simply seeing, when I’m being a dictator, even about myself, I have no idea what’s talking really. It’s only fear.

“Know nothing. Take your ignorance all the way to your freedom.” ~ Byron Katie

“I can assure you that nothing else holds a candle to life lived beyond self.” ~ Adyashanti

Much love,

Grace

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Teenage Ninja Wars

angrygirlpluggingears
Bowing (on the inside) to the one who doesn’t want to hear me. Who would you be without your teenager story?

Breitenbush has glorious spots available in two beautiful cabins, a space for one man to share a cabin, and a few more sweet lodging options. They’ll open up these best lodging spots to the general public on June 1st, so calling now is best to register. Speedy quick! Breitenbush is June 22-26, beginning the evening of Weds with dinner and ending Sunday lunch.

We’re together every step of the way through investigating a deeply important stressful situation…and soaking in the wisdom of The Work and our inquiry. The natural mineral hotsprings and old growth forest are yours to experience outside of our sessions together. It’s an exquisite time, worth 26 CEUs for mental health practitioners and 24 credits for candidates of the Institute for The Work.

I love to say….”question your beliefs, have a wonderful summer” 2016. Everyone who signs up for Breitenbush automatically receives access to Summer Camp for The Mind, a 7 week daily blitz of The Work from July 5 through August 19. You could dial in almost every single day to keep soaking in The Work and stay connected to the practice of inquiry.

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The theater lobby doors open, and people begin to pour out of the dark standing ovation in the final performance of the high school spring musical.

My college-aged son, his girlfriend, my husband, and me all find each other and lean in one area against the packed space, waiting for daughter to emerge, knowing she could be awhile. We discuss the play amongst ourselves. Did you like it?

We talk, wave to people we know as they exit, watch delightedly as some of the actors mill through the lobby still in full make up and costume, holding flowers.

Daughter appears.

OMG that was soooo good, we exclaim. We talk about the story line, what an interesting choice of musicals and some problematic parts (did you see the one actor trip and nearly fall)?

I feel so proud of my daughter as she’s been on stage crew, behind the scenes quite literally, on stage.

This is her last theater production, but her first on crew–not acting or dancing.

I’m amazed she’s never felt left out for this show, she’s enjoyed the whole thing, been so willing and helpful and able. Not one comment of disappointment. She’s had a ball!

During the production, as I watched all the dancers (tap shoes, lots of complicated steps) I am struck that the cast is smaller than I thought. Something inside me feels totally understanding why my daughter didn’t get a dancing/acting part. Everyone on stage had a lot of dancing skills….and it’s not like there were a ton of dancers, either. Fewer than I thought, look at that.

So I begin to say something along these lines to my daughter out loud as we all stand together in that moment, like “wow, they were so skilled it makes sense you didn’t….”

She cuts me off.

“Why would you say THAT??!!”

Uh oh.

Everyone is listening. I’m confused. I feel on the spot. I’m embarrassed. Wait. She’s not hearing what I’m saying. I’m not saying it right.

I give her an icy stare. I feel hurt. Like I want to say with Steve Martin humor (only no one’s laughing)…..

…..”well excuuuuuuuuse me!!”

I actually say “you don’t have to speak to me like this….”

“Well, no one knows what you’re talking about!” she replies.

I go quiet.

Thoughts develop like rabbits, like a fountain of me-the-victim. I drive home separately from everyone else since I came separately. Good. Time to think. Time to see what the heck happened in two seconds of words. Fume. Sad.

She disrespects me. She doesn’t get me. I’m an idiot. We will NEVER get along well (don’t you love these grand broad forever statements), she finds me an embarrassment, I can’t connect with her, this hurts too much. Teens are too hard to work with. I take back all my awareness of how great we are together. Nevermind! (By Nirvana!) 

Deep breath.

Is it true I’m a victim? Is it true she hurt me? Is it true I hurt her? Is it true everything should be said so no one gets hurt, under any circumstance? (LOL) Is it true we should communicate perfectly? Is this troubling story, and all its baby rabbit thoughts….true?

Oh. What a question. Is it true? Wow.

No.

How do I react when I think I should be respected, and this looks like DIS-respect? How do I react when I feel hurt? Or I worry I hurt someone else? Or someone didn’t hear me right….called my daughter?

Ugh. I think “I VANT TO BE ALONE”! (Say it with a Hungarian accent and a lot of drama, put back of hand on forehead and fall backwards into the couch).

But joking aside, it feels so uncomfortable.

With the thought, I’m very sad. I feel an arrow go into my heart. I defend. I attack. I say things like “NEVER…” and “ALWAYS…”

So who would I be without this thought that my daughter hurt me, in the moment she cut off my words? Or that I was bad because I hurt her, or did it wrong?

I would feel the energy of STOP coming towards me as she spoke. I would stop.

I would trust the universe, reality in this moment, is making an important declaration through the voice of a teenage daughter. I would notice I have no idea what my daughter is thinking, and I’m making a zillion assumptions about her and what she’s experienced being on stage crew.

I would give a little bow, on the inside, to her direction.

I would not feel hurt. I would not defend. I would not tell her how to speak to me. I would not be disrespectful. I would notice the healing element of silence. I wouldn’t have to do a thing.

Turning the story around:

She respects me deeply. She gets me so well, she picks up that I might be talking about her lack of a part on stage before I even say so fully, (maybe not something she wanted to hear in that moment). I’m not an idiot, just bumbling about saying what’s in my head without a filter. I could use the refinement. I can find other examples. 

More turning it around:

We will ALWAYS get along well (don’t you love these grand broad forever statements), she finds me to be someone she can speak honestly to, I CAN connect with her, this hurts ME too much to be telling my internal story (that has nothing to do with reality). Teens are easy to work with–bam. I know where I stand. We are great together! 

Nevermind.

Nevermind my whole story. Never. Mind.

“The mind is so conditioned to move away from it [peace] that it will try to argue with the basic fact of peace’s existence within you: ‘I can’t be at peace yet because I have to do this, or that, or this question hasn’t been answered, or that question hasn’t been answered, or so-and-so hasn’t apologized to me.’ There are all sorts of ways that the egoic mind can insist that something needs to happen, something needs to change, in order for you to be at peace….
….Just imagine for a moment that this isn’t true. Even though you may believe that it’s true, just imagine for a moment: What would it be like if you didn’t need to struggle, if you didn’t need to make an effort to find peace and happiness? What would that feel likenow?” ~ Adyashanti

Even with daughters and foot in mouth?

Yes, even then. Especially then.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you have a child, or a parent, or someone in your life who has apparently caused a disturbance within….come to Breitenbush. We’re almost full. You don’t have to bring THEM, just your own mind. Enter what Byron Katie calls the Great Un-Doing. You can tell, feel, think a different story.

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deep divers inquiry–why does it work?

Today I’m headed to the distant reaches north of Ottawa, to a cold (snow flurries recently reported) remote area to participate in Orphan Wisdom School with the good Stephen Jenkinson.

I’ll be taking my trusty laptop and sharing with you some of what happens there for me, especially when it comes to the power of self-inquiry and being on this beautiful and crazy planet. Who knows what will happen. Stay tuned!

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Grace Bell facilitating – notice the new gamer headphones, extremely hip. My game is inquiry, apparently.

During the past year, I’ve been doing more and more mini retreats, something I offered for the first time several years ago: a short intense half-day session doing The Work with a small group.

People come from all walks of life, and I’ve offered them online and in person.

This format morphed into mini-retreats-for-one, where a client and I meet for three hours whether in person or on facetime or skype or facebook video call. The amount of time feels luxurious and incredibly powerful and helpful.

The number of people taking this option has exponentially increased, maybe because it’s such a sweet deep dive. It’s amazing to have the time available to really go beyond the traditional once per week 50 minute sessions in many healing professions (this way isn’t always ideal for everyone).

I wanted to make sure you knew this was an option for you. If you’re concerned with anxiety, eating issues, a really difficult relationship (or lack of one) or trouble at your job, career, a co-worker, it can be awesome to sit with your mind and a facilitator for 3 whole hours.

What I didn’t expect was that people who chose this format for meeting….would want to come back two weeks later for another mini retreat. As long as I have room and space, I’ll do this for the significantly smaller fee than the usual rate for solo sessions (3 hours for mini retreats right now = $225).

So why is this way working, I wondered?

I didn’t even think I had enough 3-hour chunks in my schedule to find space, but they keep appearing to open up just right, for example for a condensed version of inquiry on weekends, or evenings when it’s only 5 pm my time, but 10 am for the inquirer in their time zone.

And why is it working for the inquirers who love to take the time and space to work this mini-retreat way?

I see these five reasons why:

1) there is time for the inquirer to express the presenting “problem” which is a person, situation, condition, a feeling they don’t like about their lives….so they feel heard.

2) with a few questions and further investigation, a MORE critical or worrisome or frightening problem often appears. A childhood memory comes forth, a moment with a parent, or a very stressful time in life with change. These come into focus….like we’re detecting the true source of the trouble, the proof or evidence of suffering they’ve carried with them sometimes for years.

3) The inquirer gets to contemplate and meditate on the Judge Your Neighbor questions very deeply (not the way we usually do things on our own, at least I sure didn’t). When these beliefs are identified, then you’ve got your direction. I do the writing for the inquirers, they sit still and give all their attention to simply answering the questions, nothing more required. (If you want to see the Judge Your Neighbor worksheet questions, they’re right here).

4) We inquire into stressful belief(s) using the four questions. We relax and take a short break if needed part way through for just 5 – 10 minutes (or not). We let The Work run the session.

5) The inquirer is left with clear Next Steps. Other situations or scenes to explore and investigate. We’ve taken time to start at the surface, and then look into the fog, clearing out the cloud cover and finding it’s safe to go deeper.

Another way to spend more time slowing down to discover what really disturbs you is to take a small class with others. Meeting once a week for 6 or 8 sessions is such an awesome way to anchor your time in inquiry (and spend less, but also learn from hearing other peoples’ inquiry work).

Whichever way you enter inquiry, I personally think the mind finds it too slow.

Can’t this go faster? Can’t I just get a quick one-sentence answer to life? Can’t someone tell me how to calm down and chill?

Well….maybe that’d be nice….but not really, no.

It just doesn’t work the “fast” way. You don’t really want it super fast, anyway–you want the truth, not some quick answer, right?

Really, the only way I ever found to enter peace was to look into what caused me, personally (it seemed) to move OUT of peace.

I had to tell and question my story, to respect my story, to honor my story for being like a two year old. I had to give it the time it deserved because it was the only one I had.

As I look back at myself doing The Work, and all the incredible inquirers who appear in my life for facilitation….what I see is we all have to start at the very beginning (like Maria in the Sound of Music). We look at the difficult, stressful stories of suffering we’ve been living out, sometimes for our entire lives.

But now, we get to wonder….is it true?

“So in the beginning, to deeply inquire about anything, you have to care about it. You have to care enough to allow it to get inside that shell. What do you really care about? What pulls you into here and now, this minute? What is the most important thing to you? For real inquiry, it is important to be asking about something you sincerely care about. The question needs to be personal, not about a spiritual teaching or something that’s outside of your experience. It needs to be something that’s coming from the inside.” ~ Adyashanti

Are you ready to join a small group or have your own one-to-one solo session(s)? If so, I’d love to work with you. It’s the greatest honor I have in my life….exploring what we truly, honestly care about and finding out what’s actually true, for ourselves.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Relationship Hell To Heaven is a 6 week telecourse starting Weds, May 4th. We meet 9-10:30 am Pacific Time, and all you need to begin is a willingness to clearly notice what your stressful story is about ANY relationship in your life (mom, dad, brother, sister, neighbor, spouse, boss) and dig into the beliefs you have about that person without editing yourself. What an awesome place to do it, in a telegroup. You’ll start to feel less embarrassed about your thoughts, you’ll be inspired by others, you might even feel normal, and free, and discover solutions you haven’t thought of before. Register here. Join me in the Peace Movement.

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left out on the dance floor helps to end the dream (the nightmare)

leftout
what is really unbearable here? separation…..or Unity with everything?

Yesterday in Year of Inquiry people read their worksheets at the beginning of our call, as always (and as I also say to everyone….if you don’t have a worksheet, you are ALWAYS still welcome).

Scenes of being left out emerged, or fear of criticism.

I rotate people in to take turns offering the thought to question, and the woman whose turn it was shared her situation with us.

A moment when she’s watching her partner express love and openness…..and it’s not to her.

The speedy quick lightening bolt of “I am left out” arises, almost without words.

The mind is so quick in its assessments, isn’t it?

I have one of those moments, from the past, and I still remember it vividly, it was so fascinating….

I was loving getting to know a man who I found very unusual, quirky and adorable. It was mid-life and after divorce and something about this man was very different and not the typical type of guy I had been attracted to in the past.

He was the facilitator/instructor of a dance I started attending. For a long time, I participated and noticed him and honestly, found it quite wonderful that he didn’t approach me, look at me, or try to dance with me. (I was very inward in a rather exciting, moving, wild way and dancing without words and without obligation facilitated this inward movement of change brilliantly).

The moment I remember so vividly was after this new man in my life had become a companion for a few months.

I was no longer so inward and quiet at that point. I had been attending almost a year, twice a week. I had made some new friends, pretty amazing and friendly people, and found myself finally breathing more deeply in this different chapter of my life.

On the freeform dance floor, everyone dances however they want, moving towards and away from other dancers, dancing alone, joining others mid-song, following the flow of your own movement without instructions, rules, or steps.

It’s a brave and strange experience, but then….not brave at all–just you being you, moving in a body.

I loved it.

One night, this flash of a moment, I looked across the dance floor to see my new companion dancing closely with a woman.

The music stopped, with a pause of silence before the next song soon began, but they did not part from a close embrace, foreheads touching. When the next tune began, they continued to hold still, close, together.

Suddenly a zap of adrenaline surged through my whole body.

I’m left out.

This means….

It’s almost without words, it’s so fast.

But it means something terrible, in that kind of moment. It means I’m abandoned, I’m lost and untethered, this is threatening in some way. That’s what the body is saying it means, as I feel the fear of zapping anxiety run through me.

The Work is about not ignoring this, or pretending it doesn’t matter. The Work is not about acting like you don’t care what you’re looking at disturbs you, or giving yourself a pep talk about how it’s not what you think and all is well and this is not a problem and you better not show you’re so insecure and already acting like you own him so get your act together.

That’s one of the things I love about The Work.

The Work says “tell me everything, everything, everything about that moment.”

That’s step one….allowing everything to come into consciousness that frightens you about a moment in time, and what you’re believing that causes you torture and pain.

I was left out.

Is it true?

Yes.

I’m not in that pairing over there. I’m over here, on the outside of the circle, on the fringes. Alone. Abandoned.

Are you sure???

Who would you be without the belief you are left out? Who would you be, how would it feel inside the body, without the notion that I am not included in something and I should be?

Whoooosh.

I’m back inside my body, without the belief I’m left out.

My arms move, my eyes take in lights, motions, dancers, colors, legs, arms, peoples’ feet, floor. The energy pulsates inside me. I hear music, flutes, drums, cello, horn, tambourine. I see so many other teeth smiling, eyes laughing, faces expressing all around me.

And over there, this new man I adore is in a tender pose, kind and connected with another human being on the dance floor, unafraid to show public closeness to someone else right in front of me. He is free, I am free.

Turning the thought around: I am not including him, I am not including myself.

I am filled with resistance to what I see, I am assuming it means something about me (it didn’t) and how I won’t get enough love, attention, connection. Or something dangerous, called abandonment or loss, might happen.

The turnaround continues, endlessly, to be true: I am included.

I am part of a human family celebrating to music on a dance floor. Together we are all sharing. I dance with others, including both men and women. It’s absolutely beautiful.

I am included in breathing the air, in sweating and drinking delicious water, in being here, body on dance floor….body on planet earth.

With this particular man, he is one of the happiest human beings I know, not seeking and grabbing for contact from others (or me) but very content within himself. He loves dancing with men and women, with strangers and friends. He moves with joy. He trusts himself. He is not intent on being worried about what I think (that’s my job). He has deep integrity, and loves honest talk.

I included myself later by being very honest, sharing with him that I had seen him hugging another and felt a surge of fear, and we had a fabulous conversation about intimacy, physicality, contact in dance, closeness, touch….

….and everything we’d ever learned about it and what we wanted to un-learn.

“Most people want to keep dreaming that they are special, unique, and separate, more than they want to wake up to the perfect unity of an Unknown which leaves no room for any separation from the whole….To the ego such uncontaminated love is unbearable in its intimacy. When there are no clear separating boundaries and nothing to gain the ego becomes disinterested, angry, or frightened. In a love where there is no other, there is nowhere to hide, no one to control, and nothing to gain.” ~ Adyashanti

As I do The Work, I see the fine, exciting, and mysterious dance of relationship I have with anyone reveal itself as….amazing, startling, uncontaminated love.
No one is required to do anything to keep me happy.
Except, well….me.

Much love, Grace

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They have more than me

moneyquoteI’m doing lots of questioning about money again.

I guess this comes up at least once a year when the Year of Inquiry group starts inquiring for a month on money AND the eight week teleclass is running, too.

Yesterday, in Year of Inquiry we looked at such a simple and powerful thought:

They have more money than me.

You know those people?

The ones who have more?

I remember vividly a moment.

I am standing in the foyer of a huge home, some would call it a mansion. My daughter is playing here on an after-school play date with a new friend. This foyer is marble, imported from Italy (I am told, when I exclaim at the beauty of the house). I look up to see a wide, expansive view of the lake. With a dock. And two boats.

Suddenly…..I am somehow less than these people who live in this house. Like, not as good. Not as successful.

They have more money than me, certainly. They have done something right, I have done something wrong.

Sick stomach.

That’s my situation. I stare at it while I inquire. I don’t let my mind move from that moment, the way it likes to shift to something else, like another memory.

I don’t let myself move into trying to make myself feel better, now.

I stay right there in the situation.

Can you see them in your mind, wearing jewels, living in gigantic houses, frolicking about the world on jets, owning islands, going to every kind of retreat or workshop or spa they want?

What we’re questioning in this is the stress. The pain of comparison.

We’re just sooooo sure they have more.

More opportunity, more freedom, more fun, more power, more security, more creativity, more independence, more health, more support.

There’s moral value placed on what Those People are doing (or not doing).

They should….they shouldn’t….I need…..other people need…..it shouldn’t be like this.

Wow, it’s a gigantic system of Right and Wrong. Have and Not Have.

Let’s investigate.

Who would you be right now, without the belief that those people have more? More than you, more than others, more than they deserve, more than they can use?

Who would you be without the belief in judging YOU in the middle of this (which is also critical-mind, the vicious attacking mind that makes you wrong)?

Even if the ones you look at with all the money are very lovely people doing wonderful things in their communities…..

…..who are you without the belief they have MORE of anything?

I notice how I’ve had this thought about more than just money.

I’ve had this thought about other things I value deeply….like enlightenment, peace, joy.

Those gurus have more of it than me.

Those authors and actors have more influence than me.

Who would I be without this belief, if I couldn’t even have this thought run through my mind as I look at them, as I hang out with them?

What if I had no awareness of More or Less?

It’s almost so weird and counter to the way the mind normally works, it’s strange to even contemplate.

“Ego mind is so upsetting. You think you have choice, but you don’t. You’re submerged in the waters of active thinking. Only when you become aware of your attention is there choice, is there an option. ‘Oh. I can put my attention on my ego/reactive mind, or I can put my attention on silence!’ Now that I’m aware of my attention, I can choose where it goes….And you don’t need a self to do the choosing. You don’t need a self to breath, you don’t need a self to walk down the street. You don’t need a self to choose either. Consciousness itself is highly intelligent.” ~ Adyashanti

Who would I be without the belief that someone has more than me?

Feeling the peace of this moment, here now. Trusting.

Dropping down into silence, watching, feeling.

In harmony in the presence of money and whatever money is doing.

Turning the thought around…..and this is so fun and mind-boggling:

They do not have more money (or anything) than me. I have more money than them. I have more of myself, here now, than anyone else has.

I notice money is flowing around in constant motion, like air and energy. In any given moment, I can freeze it like a picture and maybe say “more is here!” or “less is here!” but then…..

…..there is another in-breath, and out-breath, another purchase of a bag of groceries, another gift coming to me, another opportunity to enjoy, another day of sun rising and setting, another paycheck received, another withdrawal from savings, another kind word, another conversation, another beautiful Ah-Ha inquiry, another person registering for something.

There’s hunger, then fullness.

Everything moving and changing and flowing.

I am not in charge.

What I have is actually…..nothing I can hold on to with my two fists.

What I have is an attitude willing to question my own thinking. What I have is awareness. What I have is silence in this moment.

I have curiosity, I have wondering.

I have the ability to expand my conditioned stories. I have the capacity to step out of this stressful story line, with money.

In my situation standing in the front entrance of the magnificent house, without the belief that these people have more money than me….

….I marvel at the gorgeousness of what is walking distance from where I sleep. I feel so lucky to be seeing it, and how amazing that humans build and invent such incredible stuff.

Without the beliefs (after doing The Work)…..a few weeks later, picking up my daughter again, I ask the owner all about what it was like to plan, build and move into this place, and where the money came from.

I learn a ton. It’s super fun.

I feel very connected. He tells me about how bored he is and that he’d prefer to be working again, rather than retired.

Ha ha!

You can stop blaming money for how you feel.

You can stop insisting, judging, condemning.

Yes, you have sooooo much more than “you” in this moment.

You have the mystery of the universe available.

You have peace, quiet, life…..right here now.

Wow. It’s priceless.

And free.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Join me at Breitenbush this summer! To get all the information and learn how to register, click HERE.

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The beautiful thing about the truth about money….it’s free

moneyblossome
have a love affair with money

As I walk through life (and sometimes run, I admit) in the past couple of years, one thing has been very, very, very transformative and awe-inspiring for me.

The way I relate to money.

The way money appears to relate to me.

As in, we’re having more fun together than we used to. Almost a love affair….but let’s not get carried away.

Now many people might think….

…..oh. What? She’s making money now? That’s what’s happening?

That MUST be what she means by having a love affair with money, if that’s what’s going on!

But check your assumptions about what a “love affair” actually is.

Is it all I-get-what-I-want-and-I-am-comfortable-at-all-times easy-peasy non-confrontational never-asking-you-to-grow kinda deal?

If that’s what you want with a love affair, there’s nothing wrong with that.

And, that’s not what I’m talking about.

Somewhere along the way in my life, I discovered through extreme fear and suffering (it took some yelling to wake me up) that what a truly deep, wild, fantastical, growth-inspiring love affair looked like with money….

….was to lose my need for it to go MY way.

(Secret hint: this is true about romantic love, other people, your family, and everything else in your entire life).

My way involved money always directing its attention towards ME.

Staying with me, giving to me, calling on me at all the right moments, showering me with appreciation, bringing me gifts, making it fun-fun-fun pleasure ALL the time, growing before my eyes, asking nothing or very little of me.

How did I react when I believed the thoughts that money doesn’t care about me personally when it was not acting the way I wanted, and it should, that money should stay with me and never challenge me, ever?

Twisted up in knots.

Terrified.

Angry.

With those thoughts, I felt small, tiny, and inconsequential. Unloved. Left behind. Less than others who had more money than me.

Who would I be without the belief that when money moves away….

….it means I’m abandoned, or unloved by money, or incompatible, or undeserving, or bad?

Without the belief that money is acting unacceptable, frightening?

That money is not doing as I wish, that it’s leaving me unhappy and all alone?

Who would I really be without these beliefs?

Holy smokes.

That’s an amazing feeling.

The lightness of allowing money to be as it is, moving the way it does!

To not “need” anyone, including money, to do it the way I want in order to be happy…..laughter-inducing.

The freedom to not have to depend on money to come to me in times of trouble…..incredible.

Turning the belief system around about money:

I do not need it to survive. Never have.

Money needs more of me, pouring myself into the world and meeting the world with joy, instead of the other way around.

Turning thoughts about needing more money around to the opposite (I don’t need more of it than I ever have) I notice I have abundance all around me, and its free for the noticing.

Grass, trees, sidewalks, parking places, bicycles at the gym, daylight hours, conversations, videos, furniture, long slabs of wood creating a floor, pieces of furniture, art, air to breathe.

Abundance everywhere I look.

Including the direction “in”.

“The Tao never does anything, yet through it all things are done. If powerful men and women could center themselves in it, the whole world would be transformed by itself, in its natural rhythms. People would be content with their simple, everyday lives, in harmony, and free of desire. When there is no desire, all things are at peace.” ~ Tao Te Ching

Now don’t go off thinking this means you’re supposed to not have any desire for money, if you do.
That’d be pretending stuff that isn’t really true.
Just investigate the stress.
I keep seeing there’s nothing to fear, and money keeps asking me to grow. It invites me to create, to bring service and have a ball doing it.
And this is what I always so deeply wanted anyway.
So thank you, money, for being soooo challenging, and such an exciting, brilliant, wise, ingenious energy.
You’ve loved me so much that you want me to come out of my cave of introversion, shame and being small and insignificant….
….and turn up the volume on being here, on being myself, and connecting very honestly and intimately with the world.
“This is the beautiful thing about the truth: ever-present, always here, totally free, given freely.” ~ Adyashanti
 
Truth is free.

 

Truth about money is free.

 

All you need to do is inquire within.

Money Love Story 8 week telecourse Thursdays 2-3:30 pm beginning on January 14th. So much fun to watch it fill up with awesome people. We will have a great time investigating money with exercises, questions and prompts that allow you to see what you think, that’s hurting, and change your relationship with money.

Much love,

Grace