Tag: adyashanti

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What If This Was Your Only Path To God?

There is an idea that humans have used for centuries to find relief. The idea is that their pain means something, that their suffering is not just random, chaotic and ridiculous, but that it is instead part of their life path. How could it be otherwise? There it is….suffering.

If this experience of life that I am having hurts sometimes, perhaps a lot of the time, it can help on a basic level to consider that what hurts is offering something of value, that I can learn from it.

The tricky part for many is when they quickly also conclude that some other great and powerful entity, that is outside themselves (maybe called God, but it could also be called Reality, the Universe, or Fate) is throwing “hard” situations into their paths so they learn.

That there is a power, we’ll call it God, that is punishing. You suffer, God doesn’t care, let’s it happen, or even creates your dilemma. We’re in a wild, uncertain world where terrible things can happen.

Byron Katie will occasionally use the phrase “if this was your only path to God, would you take it away?”

This question comes from her out of a way of thinking about God that is without fear. This God is love, peace, neutrality, beauty, silence, kindness, openness, truth. Truth. 

We like the idea of a path to this kind of God. So the thought that our pain holds a path to God helps quell the urge to panic, escape, shut down or eliminate this painful path.

We can breathe a little. You mean I might be OK in the end? You mean this is all going somewhere, and it’s good?

The phrase Katie uses helps us enter non-resitance to the situation we find so difficult. Allowing ourselves to stay with it, to look at it. To understand the truth of this situation, to see it from every angle and nuance.

Eckhart Tolle has many incredible things to say about human suffering and pain. He suggests that we have a Little Me that is very self-centered, that always thinks life isn’t good enough. Terrible things can happen.

If we get deeply into this Little Me that is all about, well, Me….then we are constantly on edge, irritated, annoyed, enraged, defensive, nervous or terrified. Always thinking about only the past and what has gone before, or the future and what should be prevented. He calls it being in the Pain Body.

At the core level, the Pain Body is screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER. It is scared out of its wits. Literally. There is no clear thinking, beliefs of imminent danger take over our entire awareness.

But what if this Pain Body experience was actually our path to God? (Whatever God is for you, you can say “Love” if you like, or “Peace”).

Eckhart Tolle himself would not be who he is today without terrible suffering as a grad student. Byron Katie would not be who she was today without years of extreme suffering into her early 40s.

Pema Chodron felt rage at her former partner and realized she couldn’t live with that kind of anger, and that set her on a path that changed her entire life. Joan Tollifson was a drug addict living on the street, near death, became sober, and grew into a beautiful spiritual teacher.

Then there are so many others who felt unrest, sadness, unhappiness, never-ending seeking, like THIS was not enough….ever….and now they are different.

A common thread is allowing everything, especially their pain, to be the way it is. Not attacking it, running from it, pretending it’s not there, doing Positive Thinking and saying affirmations. Not fighting.

This is it. Here’s the path. It’s what you are on, it’s what you’ve been living. Right in this moment, if you leave everything the way it is and drop any part of you that wants it to change….see what that feels like.

What if everything is supposed to be exactly the way it is right now, and everything has led you to this moment. Now.

“Only a huge ego could say that you’re supposed to be doing something that you’re not doing.” ~Byron Katie

Feel the relief of not needing to do anything—without a thought that you should do anything, say anything, think anything, feel anything different than THIS.

Even if the Pain Body or Bad Suffering seems to be here, Bad News, Sadness, Anger…see if you can only stop needing to do something about them. No trying to get to a peaceful state, no working on yourself. No getting over to a different Path.

Nothing wrong with THIS.

“When we realize who we are, we no longer have this endless confusion, this eternal battle with ourselves. Therefore we tend to not struggle with others or the world.”~ Adyashanti

Love, Grace

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Make A Decision!

Beliefs about the best ways to make decisions, how to make them, and when to make them can be really heavy without us even realizing it.

What exactly is a “decision”? It’s a great word. In the latin root it meant to CUT OFF or kill. Kind of dramatic. It’s like there are different pathways or roads, and to decide is to cut off all of them except one. Deciding means eliminating possibilities.

When someone is decisive, they are considered to have solved the problem, persuaded themselves or others, convinced, settled the situation. They are clear, they move on quickly, they have killed multiple choices.

People are seen as successful when they make clear, quick, “good” decisions. People are more wishy-washy or flaky, changeable, unpredictable if they change their minds or don’t know what they will decide.

It can be really fantastic and liberating to question beliefs and theories about making decisions. Are you sure that it’s best if you decide NOW? Are you sure that it’s true that choosing-not-to-decide-IS-a-decision? (I always loved that one, so stressful in some situations if you believe it).

Is it really true that it is best if you make a good, solid, quick, zippy decision? Or bad if you reconsider, take in more data or information, let things digest, or wait?

The mind that is very identified with YOU and YOUR SUCCESS loves to chatter away at you about your problems and other peoples’ problems. It will use scary tactics and threatening ideas to force you to decide or make you nervous about a decision you just made.

I love questioning any thought, ever, that arises about making decisions that is nerve-wracking, anxiety producing, anything that creates uncertainty.

  • I need to get moving
  • I absolutely must make a decision
  • Other people will think less of me if I don’t decide
  • Not deciding means I’m procrastinating/weak/anxious
  • I made the WRONG decision
  • I’m the one who decides, it’s up to me

Your smaller ME mind, some call it the ego, will be focused on one thing only. Making the RIGHT decision. No regrets. Making sure it works out for you and those around you.

“You have a decision to make, and your mind wants to know what the right decision is. But you realize that that isn’t a relevant concern anymore because your framework for decision making has been conditioned. A “right decision” according to whom? One person’s “right” is another person’s “wrong.” If you’re not going to make decisions based on right and wrong or should and shouldn’t– which only exist in thought–then how do you move?”~Adyashanti

What is beyond the me/ego/personal mind is infinite possibility, especially if there really is no right and no wrong. It’s vast, and silent. Notice how the Universe doesn’t really ever answer the question about what is absolutely right or wrong. It allows everything, there is nothing to resist. There is NO WRONG DECISION. And no right decision. Wow!

Do not despair if you don’t know what decision to make. The mind will put so much energy into good and bad, right and wrong, justifying what you are about to decide or what you just decided. It will spew out criticisms, lists, analyses about things you “decided” from 20 years ago even.

Instead, relax. I have found it’s all I can really do once I question my thinking that seems to enjoy churning out the list of pros and cons about everything. That becomes….boring, unimportant.

Instead, know that you don’t have to know how anything will turn out. Let yourself stop trying to find the right answer. Trust in the subtle silent force of life….of love, that is just here. If you’re not sure it’s here, question your thinking.

Even if this is not the acceptable norm of society, allow a decision to come by feeling out what is true beyond fear and worry, beyond what is YOU. Literally.

“A healed mind is relieved of the belief that it must plan….”~ A Course In Miracles

Love, Grace

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Looking For Something Means I Don’t Like NOW

It seems true that everyone is looking for something. Whether in five minutes or in during this lifetime….we are looking for excitement, peace, creativity, safety, joy, balance, contentment.

Today, I am looking to get a lot of writing done. Some people are looking for a job, a special relationship, more money, adventure, inventing something new in their lives. Maybe you are looking forward to your kids succeeding or becoming really happy.

Perhaps you seek enlightenment, bliss, being awake. Or having the best in-shape awesome healthy body you could possibly have. Or looking for a cure for your cancer.

I have found, pure looking with my hands clapping together and exuberance…is so much fun. No stress. Simple pleasure, loving my desire, loving my imagination.

But it’s soooooooo easy to click over into feeling FRUSTRATED that we don’t have that thing we’re looking for. Enter disappointment, despair, depression, terror, or FURY!

How come those other people get to find what they’re looking for? How come I don’t have it yet? Why am I not satisfied? It seems like I work SO HARD but I’m still not THERE. I keep getting interrupted, bored, tired, abandoned, discouraged. I don’t have enough time!!

Within a matter of minutes (or seconds) we’re seeing what is lacking. NOT what is here in the present situation that is satisfying and good.

Dang it.

Here’s where investigation of the mind comes in, doing The Work so we have really simple questions (not always simple to answer). Oh good, I get to dive into that “difficulty” and see what it’s here for, see what’s going on.

  • I’m not getting what I’m looking for fast enough
  • the sooner I find it, the better
  • I can’t really have fun, relax or completely enjoy myself until I find ___.
  • this moment/situation/experience could be improved if I had ___.

Things would be good if I had more money, more peace, a boyfriend, a wife….if I stayed on my diet, followed an exercise program, spent more time outdoors….if I meditated more, had time to study, found the right teacher….if I figured out the best tricks for my business growth, sold more products, launched a new offering….if my house was clean, my closet had space, the lawn was mowed.

Who would you be without the belief that you can’t relax, you can’t enjoy your desire, you can’t get what you want, you shouldn’t speak up and ask for help, or that NOW is not good enough?

But if I think that NOW is GOOD, then things will never improve! I will be a saintly pacifist with no accomplishments! I will be bummed out, never “trying” to go for anything. Life will be meaningless. NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE!!

Are you sure?

Could it be possible that I could be thrilled, full of wonder, contentedly happy, kind, and softly relaxed….right in the middle of dreaming about all that money I will have in the future and all the fun I will have in my business or job developments?

Could I be absolutely delighted right now, as I think with joy about my clean house, the mowed lawn, the work I will do on my computer, the open honest intimate conversation I will have with my spouse or my boss?

Could I be having an awesome rockin’ time dancing or attending a party by myself while excitedly thinking of how fun it is to have a date, a partner, a spouse?

Without the thoughts that something must happen, and THEN I will be really happy…I notice it’s possible to be ecstatic right now.

Even if something terrible is happening, like my father is dying….I notice without the thought that this shouldn’t be happening and that I am entirely against it, I cry and my grief flows like a river and I hold his hand and I do not feel desperate.

There is something present in every moment that is content, that is OK. Even the moments that need a slight adjustment, according to the mind, and the ones needing a major overhaul (like death and trauma).

“The plot twist changes. But underlying that, something is the same, and as far back as you can remember…….You think that enlightenment is something other than what is happening right now. This is your primary mistake”~ Adyashanti

If what is happening right now, for me, includes dreaming of running two glorious retreats full of curious, thoughtful people all doing The Work on their hatred or sadness with their imperfect bodies, and their painful addictions, then without a stressful thought about it, I feel such happiness right NOW. It’s SO FUN. I notice I start writing, I know what to do next, right in this moment.

Which way do you think you will get more of what you want? Being against what is happening right now, or being for it?

Love, Grace

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Trying To Be Detached

Most of us these days have thought about the term “Enlightenment”. In one of the online dictionaries it is defined as transcending suffering and desire.

That about sums up my determination in my late teens and throughout my twenties. The way I would handle not feeling confident, not having lots of money, not feeling happy, and constantly feeling empty and hungry and like actually eating tons of food or smoking and drinking a lot was that I would chase after every teacher, idea, book and philosophy that could teach me how to NOT WANT ANYTHING.

It seemed like being totally unattached would feel so free, painless, and easy.

Wouldn’t it be great to be detached and just be able to say honestly “uh, yeah, I don’t really care about eating anything right now. Whatever.”

Or, “I don’t care about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it doesn’t matter one way or the other.”

Or, “Who cares about my job, we’re all rats in the rat-race so I’ll just walk away from it or never get anything where I really have to do what the Man says”.

I like when the detachment chase becomes a little possible in some areas, and it seems like we’re conquering it. It feels so transcendent. “I’m beyond all this! It’s working! Hooray, I don’t care!”

The tricky part about this search for detachment is that it is just another strategy created by my mind. When something doesn’t work, the mind gets a bigger plan, says Katie. The new plan: Attain Enlightenment!!!!

The problem is, I was always there with my imperfect little self, making mistakes and having emotional ups and downs, sad then happy, angry then calm. Worried then not worried.

I think it’s called being a Regular Human.

It can feel like a weight is lifted off your entire world if you stop trying to “work” on your attachments. If you feel beyond them and like you get some distance, it feels so wonderful to not react.

But those of us who are drawn to detachment….like me….it’s good to be really honest and still find out what I care about, what I love, what I miss. Doing the Work doesn’t mean being passive and being detached and “loving what is” absolutely all the time without passion. It feels alive, aware, present, excited.

If you’ve been interested in Enlightenment and seeking it, write down all your concepts on what is good about it and what is wrong with you now, if you believe you’re not there yet.

I love what Adyashanti writes about seeking and trying to get to that state that we think is better than whatever is happening right now, whether it’s being detached like I used to want all the time, or feeling blissful:

“What does awakening mean for you? Do you want it because it sounds good? Then you’ve borrowed someone else’s idea of it. What is it that’s intrinsic to you? What’s been important to you your whole life? If you touch upon that, you are in touch with a force that no teacher or teaching could ever give you. You are quite on your own in finding it. No one can tell you what that is.”—Adyashanti

Love, Grace