Tag: adyashanti

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Good news….you could be wrong (and one spot in tomorrow’s Seattle retreat)

ocean
Wide open wild ocean at Asilomar, where I’ve been retreating. And now…..more retreating in daily life!

I have missed you this week, I love sharing with you so much, and hearing from those who write.

I have just come away from a primarily silent retreat with the inspiring and loving teacher Adyashanti for seven days.

The only time there was speaking, was if you raised your hand, Adya called on you, and you came to the microphone (in front of 300 people) to ask him a question or have a conversation about this thing called life.

I asked Adya a question.

How do I bring this profound silence and joy that I receive here on retreat into my daily life, and stay connected to serving and being peace?

It was such a good answer.

He is always very kind and generous, and not judgey.

But if I could sum up the answer in one fell swoop, although it was much longer and sweeter than this, it would be:

Don’t be afraid of getting disturbed.

Oh.

Right.

Questioning what’s going on.

I can do that.

We all can do that.

And not just questioning what’s going on when we feel unhappy, or upset, or sad, or mixed up about things….

….but even telling an uncomfortable situation to come on in.

It’s welcome.

When I wish for my life to be one big long retreat, and a retreat has to look like lots of silence and open time, and space and gentleness, good simple meals, lack of work….

….then I will be disappointed.

And very, very confused.

Because really? That’s not what I want at all.

I want life to be exciting, and challenging, and fascinating, and full of wonder and miracles, and change and destruction, and rebirth and passion.

I want what Life wants.

When I don’t, it hurts real bad.

So today, as I have a day of travel and writing and getting ready for a half day retreat tomorrow in inquiry, I can remember about how every single time I thought I knew how life should go and could not find flexibility in my thinking….

….things got a bit worse.

Every time I have stopped, questioned what I believed to be the truth about any situation….

….things got better.

Eventually.

Today, I am so grateful for every harsh, difficult thing I’ve ever gone through, because of what it’s given me along the way.

Today, I am so grateful for laundry, children, cleaning the bathroom, making copies of retreat materials for participants tomorrow, doing the dishes, and cleaning out the Inbox of emails.

Do I really want my daily life to be like a silent retreat with non-stop spiritual guidance?

Who had the idea that it isn’t?

Oh yeah!

That was me!

The good news….if that was little me who had that thought, I could be wrong!

Much love, Grace

P.S. Last minute shuffling looks like one spot has opened up for tomorrow’s December 12 mini retreat 1:30-5:30 pm. Question your mind, change your life. Really.

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What’s It Like To Thank Yourself?

selflove
I am so awesome, thank you to, loyal inner me

Byron Katie has a funny thing she does when talking about the way people thank others.

People say “thank you” to her.

People say “thank you” to their families, or friends, or neighbors.

Katie asks with a tone of laughter….

….”Have you thanked you?”

When you really think about it, this is the sweetest thing.

Not everyone immediately thinks so.

It’s like….yeah….whatever.

I’m not really that great. I don’t get it. Isn’t that kind of egotistical or something?

But taking a moment to consider your steadiness, your loyalty, your patience with yourself.

You’ve been with you no matter what.

Even if you’ve ripped yourself to shreds verbally, or done things you’d prefer to keep secret forever….

….that sweet mysterious center of you has been here the whole time.

It doesn’t actually even need to be thanked, have you noticed?

It basically doesn’t care, in a really good way.

But for the fun of it, thank you anyway, in this time of thanking and gratitude.

“We’re all taught that something needs to change for us to experience true peace and freedom. Just imagine for a moment that this isn’t true. Even though you may believe that it’s true, just imagine for a moment: What would it be like if you didn’t need to struggle, if you didn’t need to make an effort to find peace and happiness? What would that feel like now? And just take a moment to be quiet and see if peace or stillness is with you in this moment.” ~ Adyashanti

That’s the place I’m talking about, that we all have.

Even if you think you don’t or you’re so mad at yourself for wasted time or doing something dumb or doing it wrong or not getting it yet.

All that’s running like a babbling brook.

And here we are together, floating, relaxing, Not Leaving even if we’ve tried to leave.

Thank me, thank you, thank me.

(Now pet your own hair and feel how absolutely cute and adorable you are…..

…..and if you can’t feel it or it seems too weird or wrong…..

…..there’s something you can do with that kind of thinking and it’s called The Work).

Much love, Grace

P.S. Half day mini retreat Saturday 12/12 1:30-5:30. Question your story, change your world. Join us!

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Life contains tragedy and sorrow

footprintsonsand
everything comes and goes, the tragedy, the joy

Yesterday was my father’s birthday.

Only not really. It was the anniversary of the day he was born as a human in that particular lifetime he walked through.

1930.

He died many years ago. He never made it to 85 which he would be today. He did not age into elderhood. He was still teaching at the university. No grandchildren had been born (although I know they were a twinkle in his eye).

He got leukemia, or his body did, and he died two years later.

I was by his side, holding his left hand. All my sisters, and spouses or boyfriends, my dad’s dear friend, and my mother, were surrounding his bed.

Candles were burning, the sky was pitch dark. Rain was pattering on the old 1920s glass window panes of our family house.

We were all singing. The same lullabies he sang to his four daughters who he cared for so deeply, we now sang to him as he left.

As he took his very last breath and died, I felt his hand grow cold so quickly.

I was astonished to recognize this…and then realized….“of course this would happen.” 

The heat, the life, the blood, the activity within this body simmering down, down, down.

It was the first time I was with a dead body.

Several years later, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

During the 12 hours of birthing, and the hours and days that followed, I sometimes thought about when my father died, and the great allowing of life to unfold and do what it does….

….at its own pace, without any control of the process.

Every human present at these events had to simply be there, witnessing, stepping in when support was needed, always allowing the thing (death, birth) to happen.

I also noticed, I gave birth before I had ever even seen a birth.

My father died before I had ever seen a person die.

Strange for such profound events to be so closed, or quiet, or somehow hidden.

Don’t these things happen by the hundreds and thousands every single day?

But there are perhaps some beliefs and concepts that hang over the experience of birth and death that make them fade into the background of daily life, so that in my 20s I would have never seen them before until I was participating in them directly.

What could they be?

  • death is horrible, private, personal, an end, loss, evil, wrong
  • birth is private, personal, exposing, naked, hopeful, good
What do death and birth mean to you, that you would feel uncomfortable, sad, anxious, terrified, worried, or angry?

 

People write to me often to ask about death, or major transitions of all kinds (which include birth).

 

Yesterday I watched a movie called Griefwalker about Stephen Jenkinson, a man who has worked with hundreds who are dying….and then I got to see Stephen Jenkinson in person speak and read from his book Die Wise.

 

(Remember my Grace Note that I was buying a ticket to see myself on Thursday? Well….I got a ticket for me, and my two kids, to see Stephen on Thursday, so that’s the way it rolled. You never know how something will turn out, do you? That’s another Grace Note).

 

One of my first inquiries in 2005 was “my father died.”

 

It seemed true….

 

….and I discovered how he lived within my heart, so closely I could call on him anytime. More quickly than when he was in form, to be honest.

 

I had done The Work on my own moment of cancer diagnosis, even though it was not terminal….the fear had raced through me.

 

I have thought deeply about death, and wondered about my fear of it. I have questioned that death is frightening….or that dying is frightening….and found deeply that I can’t prove that it’s ultimately true.

 

But I learned something new from Stephen, at just the right moment in my life.

 

Not only is this passage called death coming, but it’s a wonder, and inevitable, and happening For Sure at some unknown point.

 

And I do not have to fear it.

 

Today, I have the brilliance of this one day, apparently “alive” on someplace called earth.

 

Castles fall down (I saw some of those last August).

 

A new house is built.

 

I gave birth to two children and they were born to eventually die, who knows when.

But what I can do, is question my painful thinking about my stories about birth and death, rather than dread them.

Who would you be without your beliefs about birth, about death, good, bad, evil, wonderful, wanted, unwanted?

What if both life and death are equally true and mysterious?

  • death is shared by everyone, its what we do
  • birth is shared by everyone, its what we do

“At the very heart and core of our being, there exists anoverwhelming yes to existence. This yes is discovered by those who have the courage to open their hearts to the totality of life. This yes is not a return to the innocence of youth, for there is no going back, only forward. This yes is found only by embracing the reality of sorrow and going beyond it. It is the courage to love in spite of all the reasons to not love. By embracing the tragic quality of life we come upon a depth of love that can love “in spite of” this tragic quality. Even though your heart may be broken a thousand times, this unlimited love reaches across the multitude of sorrows of life and always triumphs. It triumphs by directly facingtragedy, by relenting to its fierce grace, and embracing it in spite of the reflex to protect ourselves.” ~ Adyashanti

I bolded these words. Because they aren’t the nicey-happy-sweet-kind-lovey-comforting words I sometimes have preferred when it comes to thoughts about this birth/life/death path.

But they are the truer words: overwhelming, tragedy, sorrow, broken, no going back…..

…..even though, unlimited love, always triumphs, fierce grace, embracing.

That’s why when I think of my dad, I can still feel the heart-break and overwhelming love, and wishing I could be with him again, and also unlimited love that has never died.
I remember and know that I am connected to him, and I honor him, and those who gave birth to him and all my ancestors.
I embrace them all in my heart, knowing also that I will be an ancestor, too, and so will my children.
Much Love, Grace
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Faster Than A Speeding Bullet…Look! It’s A Thought!

the speed of thought is *zoom*
the speed of thought is *zoom*

It’s amazing how speedy quick thought happens.

Kinda like Superman.
Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Thoughts are crazy wild, racing down the German Autobahn.
It is concerning, since thoughts move and multiply so chaotically and exponentially, when a thought produces stress.
Gentle, happy, easy, smooth or wonderful thoughts aren’t so difficult to deal with.
(Although…funny side effect……when you question troubling thoughts, the thrilling ones can also dissolve. This is not a bad thing. More on this another day).
Thoughts. Move. Fast.
This is on my mind because I spoke about “stopping” thought on the Peace Talk podcast I was recording just today.
You can’t.
Stop thought, that is.
But you can stop believing what you think, taking it seriously, thinking its important, repeating it for years.
How?
Through self-inquiry, of course. Do The Work.
Why do it though?
What a pain…..I mean, it takes work. It seems like when doing the work, the mind is busy-busy and the brain is analyzing and obsessing and contemplating and “working” and crunching.
You have to write things down, to have to get people to ask you the four questions, you have to look at your immature, frightened thinking.
Who needs it!?!
Jeez! Give it a rest!
That’s the thing, though.
Have you tried to give it a rest, and noticed…
…you actually can’t?
Mind thinks thoughts.
“You either question your stressful thoughts, or not. That’s your only choice.” ~ Byron Katie
If you notice your mind has occasionally been full of thoughts about a topic, a person, an issue, an incident or a situation.
And you’ve even tried many ways of resolving these thoughts, getting rid of them, shaking them off, changing the channel, eating, drinking, distracting yourself, falling in love, quitting, moving on, going to therapy.
If you’ve tried everything, may you might want to write down what runs through your mind?
The uncomfortable, terrible thoughts.
And ask….
Is it true?
Are you absolutely sure?
How do you react when you believe this, when you think it over and over again? What happens inside your body? How do you act?
Who would you be if you just got here from Jupiter and you weren’t a human after all but instead were an entity made of star dust? Like ET, what if you had never learned, with all your conditioning and stories, all the ideas you have about THIS difficult situation?
Can you use your imagination to see things differently?
Start with one simple painful thought.
Like….she hurt me. He hurt me. I’m in danger. This isn’t safe.
Become an un-believer. Give yourself the freedom you really, truly desire.
The freedom you truly have already.
“Human beings have a drive for security and safety, which is often what fuels the spiritual search. This very drive for security and safety is what causes so much misery and confusion. Freedom is a state of complete and absolute insecurity and not knowing. So, in seeking security and safety, you actually distance yourself from the freedom you want. There is no security in freedom, at least not in the sense that we normally think of security. This is, of course, why it is so free: there’s nothing there to grab hold of.” ~ Adyashanti
Much love,
Grace
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When Taxes Hurt….Stop It

gimmemoneyYesterday I had to write a check to pay taxes here in the USA.

I didn’t like it.

At least that’s what one voice was shouting in the corner.

Like a crazy Gollum character…..

“Noooooo! Don’t write that check! OMG she’s doing it! Help! This is a disaster! Someone stop her!!”

The check was accompanying my first ever “extension” form to the IRS.

As in, the first time I was not able to complete my taxes successfully by the April 15th deadline.

I’m turning everything in, for the first time, to an accounting firm.

I’ve always done all my taxes by myself. With Turbo Tax online for the past decade, and on paper before that.

I also generally worked for other companies, or had one side part-time business that didn’t make much extra money, or usually LOST money after expenses.

But now, I work for myself full time.

And I’ve done better and better and gotten completely out of debt and have hours and hours of experience working with groups and people and making my work more refined and more productive and farther reaching and of greater benefit to people.

Forever expanding. So far. For now.

But then….taxes! ARGHHHHGGHHHG!

Those greedy bas*&$*s!!

(Picture a bunch of official government-looking people drinking coffee in offices, waiting for my check).

I had to laugh….finding myself with such thoughts.

Because I have no idea what or who the receivers of the tax checks look like, and I’ve agreed by living here in this country to pay the government a percentage of my earnings.

As The Work worked me (I didn’t even write anything down on paper, yet) I noticed walking to the store that I had the thought….

….I appreciate this road.

Roads are built with taxes.

I appreciate the sidewalk, the traffic lights, the electricity running overhead. I appreciate the bridge, the fire station and the city hall right across the street. Those were all built starting with taxes.

I suddenly remembered one of my first bosses, a long time ago.

He was a small business owner with five employees, and used to be the head of a huge corporation’s Operations department. This was his second year out on his own as a private consultant. He was an expert at what he did, and I worked for him as a general administrative assistant.

I remember helping him gather tax documentation together.

With a fine toothed comb, he wanted to go through every transaction that was international and make sure it was put on a separate list so it was not included in taxes. He would have called them the same name I was saying in my own head.

I remember all those years ago thinking “what a cheapskate, jeez!”

Boom.

No more separation from him. I joined with him, 30 years later from the future (which is now) with understanding and compassion.

The urge to want to keep, hoard, protect and never lose anything is weird but not uncommon…..

…..especially with MONEY!

I notice I can make a big fat story out of it being better to keep andworse to give away and not have.

Who would I be without that story?

Wow.

Almost giddy, really.

Its a joyful lack of fear, and excited willingness and eagerness to give, to offer, to allow money to come and go and depart and return.

Like sitting near a river watching it flow on by, not trying to do anything about it, not trying to save it up or go find containers to put it in, or build a dam, or drink lots of water right now because there won’t be any later.

None of that is on my mind next to the river.

I listen, I relax, I’m still.

Having fun paying taxes.

“Enlightenment can be measured by how compassionately and wisely you interact with others–with all others, not just those who support you in the way that you want. How you interact with those who do not support you shows how enlightened you really are.” ~ Adyashanti

It dawned on me in this act of writing a check I felt uncomfortable writing that I was treating the tax payment itself, money, the people at the IRS, the government, and myself….

….all without compassion.

So I stopped.

Much love, Grace

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Is Compassion Possible In This Rotten Situation?

compassionIn our Year of Inquiry tele session group yesterday morning, we entered a really powerful situation for The Work.

The kind where you got pretty scared….or hurt….and you might even see this as a problem in society or the world.

Violence.

In this case, the inquirer was doing The Work on hearing about a man she knew personally beating his partner, something we call “domestic violence”.

The interesting thing about this inquirer’s situation and thoughts were how well everyone could relate to hearing something like that, experiencing something like that, or feeling the same feelings.

Disgust, irritation, fear, rage, separation.

You may find these kinds of feelings in your own past, in some incident you went through yourself.

The first thing to do is to identify the specific moment you felt your fear or terror.

Yes, it’s going into the fire in a big way….except you are here now, in this safe, quiet moment.

You’ll be OK.

(I began to notice when doing The Work on disturbing experiences that memories are floating through, and they are pictures only, and feelings are just energy moving through the body–nothing terrible is actually happening when you recall something, you know?)

So pause the movie in your head, the one with the bad difficult memory, and answer the question:

Why is this upsetting?

I’m terrified because he called me names, said I was stupid and ugly, and kept asking me to do things I didn’t want to do.

Now break it down into just one simple concept, to walk through inquiry with.

You don’t have to inquire into everything at once–in fact, this can dilute and confuse you and not really provide enormous insight when you have a particularly troubling situation to investigate.

Just start with the very first concept: he called me names.

Is it true?

Yup, sure is. Absolutely? Yes.

See how you feel, though. Are you angry?

You’re looking at something that happened, and you are already deciding it was horrifying, wrong, bad, impossible to get over.

And this is years and years later maybe. Or even last week.

It’s over.

This is important to notice.

Can you find the crack between something being true, and the second you decide you’re against it?

Because when you are against it……you are naturally thinking it should not have happened, or it is unforgivable, or you are frightened of it happening again, or you feel lost about it, unresolved, sad, hurt.

Are you sure you’re hurt?

I’m not asking because this is an exercise in denial, or criticism of anyone who thinks back on a troubling situation with fear.

Right now, I can think of someone from many, many years ago and remember the scene still. Words were coming from him towards me. Really nasty, bitter words. Cutting, mean.

I remember at the time how I felt like I was punched in the gut. I was trying to control my tears and failed. My heart was racing and my face got red and hot.

Who would I be without the belief I was damaged, in that situation?

Who would I be without the belief I was unable to recover, lost, hurt, or that my life was altered in a bad way?

This is really hard sometimes to imagine, but you can.

For me….I noticed without the belief how well I handled that emotionally violent situation.

I noticed how full of suffering this person was who was saying such things.

How nutty humanity is that we believe our thoughts and lash out, not knowing any better–but this seems to be the way of it, so it’s not wrong, and we discover there are much better more loving ways.

Without my beliefs, I feel great compassion for that man, and any men who become violent.

Without my beliefs, I notice how healed I have become, how my life never seems to have any really big violence in it (and it could tomorrow, who knows).

I notice when I turn the thoughts around that someone shouldn’t be violent with words or deeds, that my own mind has been just as mean and attacking as that person was!

To others, to him, and to myself!

I was not hurt. I was healed. 

He was hurt.

These beliefs are just as true.

Imagine that.

“Through observing the illusory nature of thought without resisting it, we can begin to question and inquire into the underlying belief structures that support it. These belief structures are what form our emotional attachments to the false self and the world our minds create…..Reality is not something that you integrate into your personal view of things. Reality is life without your distorting stories, ideas, and beliefs. It is perfect unity free of all reference points, with nowhere to stand and nothing to grab hold of…..Cease to cherish opinions and it stands before your very eyes.” ~ Adyashanti  

The truth is that troubling situation happened in another time and place, when I believed very strongly that there were many things to fear.

It became proof of scary things and mean people.

But then later on, remembering, doing The Work, that very same situation became proof of survival, peace beyond belief, the end of war, compassion, silence and love.

Much love, Grace

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You Grow Older, You Don’t Know Why

I was interviewed recently on how the work is helpful for women over forty by my friend and fellow-inquirer Roberta Mittman.

It was sweet!

And wow….women over forty as a topic….phew!

I have found The Work so powerful for thoughts and beliefs that have to do with being over a certain age, changes in the life trajectory, relationship challenges, health adjustments, loss, awareness.

Sometimes the beliefs that seem to match a certain age, and beyond, are strangely uncomfortable.

You might know they are superficial, or not as important as other thoughts (that’s where my mind would always go) yet they are present.

These wrinkles are ugly, I need to look young, I want to feel more energy, these hot flashes are irritating, my life is over.

There are also other thoughts many women have who enter the middle time of their lives about career, lack of success, needing a mate by now or wanting to leave the one they have.

It’s powerful to see what we’re telling ourselves is true.

And to ask…..are you sure?

Or to see if something IS indeed true for you (as in aging) why is that a bad thing? Are you sure it’s hard, or difficult, or frightening?

If you’d like to opt-in to get the links to the interviews, a collection of interesting topics for women over forty (including mine) then do it right here:  Click Here to Join Love Your Mind, Love Your Body.

Who would you be without the belief that being “Over Forty” is troubling, for whatever reason?

It leads to the great question, I find, that death is coming.

I know that sounds weird. Maybe extreme.

But when I really look deeply at being past the middle of a normal timeline of human life…..I’m on my way closer to the end than I used to be. No longer at the beginning.

Who would I be without the belief death is difficult, or troubling, or hard, or a disappointment?

Woah, really?

I find it exciting just to imagine being without these thoughts about death.

Like I can’t wait to see what happens when death comes, and I’ll be ready.

“The breeze blows that way, and that’s the way you go. You don’t ask questions anymore. You don’t evaluate why the breeze is blowing that way because you know that you don’t know why. And you know you can’t know why. There’s never been a leaf anywhere that knows why the wind blows that way on that day at that moment. That breeze changes the orientation of your life, moment to moment to moment, simply because that’s the way life’s moving. And when you’re living in your awakened self you have no argument with the way it’s moving because it is the same as you are.” ~ Adyashanti

Love, Grace

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What Is The Shape Of Love?

Can you catch love, the spirit of life, or joy in a jar?
Can you catch love, the spirit of life, or joy in a jar?

Today appears to be an ordinary day. Maybe a holiday Monday for people in the US.

Nothing super supreme special, though.

Not “Valentine’s Day” or a special love day…that’s over now.

But what if it could be?

What if it was a wildly beautiful love celebration day?

For yourself.

What happens when you don’t really love yourself though?

What’s up with that?

Often, I found different moments that created lack of love in the moment….and they looked like this:

You think you made a mistake. You remember a painful situation.

You compare yourself with others.

The thought runs through your mind that this day isn’t exciting enough, fun enough, loving enough, sweet or kind or peaceful enough.

Something’s just plain Not Enough.

You feel guilty for saying something harmful to somebody. You hurt someone.

Maybe you don’t feel you’ve done a good job.

You think you aren’t good enough, big enough, strong enough.

You haven’t gotten there yet, you judge yourself as wrong.

Owwie.

It definitely hurts to not enjoy your own company, to not feel satisfied in this moment right now, with you.

Why not today take a little break from this type of thinking today, just as an experiment?

Can you forgive yourself today for not doing it right? Or not getting it yet? For being less than perfect?

Who would you be without the belief that something’s missing in you, or wrong with you, or off, or bad, or not enough?

I found…..I feel very quiet, without these voices running off at the mouth.

I don’t have to do anything special.

Stillness is here….very, very still.

“By being nothing you are everything. By wanting nothing you are eternally full of grace…

…Tell me, what is the shape of Love? How much does Joy weigh when held in the palm of your hand? Can you catch the Spirit of Life in a jar?” ~ Adyashanti in My Secret Is Silence

Today, what if you acted like someone who couldn’t believe what’s going on in your life right now is BAD?

Someone who couldn’t think the thought “I’m a loser” or “I’m doomed” or some more mild version of the same?

Happy This Day to you. Happy every day to you.

Nothing special. Nothing.

Happy day. Happy.

You.

Love, Grace

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A Day In Heaven With Technological Difficulties

Technology hell or heaven? Question your thinking and see.
Technology hell or heaven? Question your thinking and see.

Day before yesterday I spent a lot of time recording a video for Eating Peace and finishing my Peace Talk podcast episodes for the week on romantic love.

The first video got entirely deleted after there wasn’t any more “start up disk” space, and I spent an hour deleting old photos, movie clips and audio files….

….and apparently also, the video I had just created.

Then the Peace Talk podcast got trimmed the wrong way.

As in, I was deleting the very end silent space, I thought, but instead deleted the entire podcast and got left with…..the space.

Then my battery on my computer wouldn’t charge.

Down to the apple store for what turned out to be a new battery (they are always so nice at the apple store).

Back home.

Battery still won’t charge.

Back to the apple store for a new charger now, turns out.

Everything new! Yippee!

Do it over again!

Ha ha.

But I will say, this might be something in the past I’d have a hissy fit about.

However, I noticed I had intentionally arranged no clients (it was the day after retreat) and a mid-afternoon massage.

I pretty much futzed with technology until the massage. Then re-did everything I did earlier all over again AFTER the massage.

Who would I be without the thought that the technology situation was a “disaster” and “taking waaaaaaaay toooooooo long!” and even something to be upset about?

Noticing how I had time for everything.

I enjoyed waiting (twice) in the apple store working on emails and writing and hearing the hum of many voices all around, wearing my yoga pants and slippers back and forth between house, car, parking lot and store.

Stressed? Not really.

I heard the voice complaining about what a waste of time, blah blah, but it was like the voice was in a cave in the back yard, quite a distance away. I just couldn’t believe it was true.

Wow.

When I finished the video (no retakes! just one take!) it uploaded in record speed to youtube and just went out to all the Eating Peace subscribers.

So how was it a good thing that I had a day of non-stop technical details?

No idea.

But it sure was fun not having a heart attack about it. Kind of amazing, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Who knew.

“Praise this day–and with each breath you take be filled with the golden arc of love which announces the ending of your argument with God. Praise this day simply because it exists and sit down now in the warm skin of your own lap; for you are home and it is time to rest in the merciful light of your own eyes.” ~ Adyashanti

Yeah. Even on a day with broken batteries, chargers, vanishing files, deleted videos, time ticking by, deleted podcasts.

If I had run out of gas, or my car had broken down on the road or something, I might have been in heaven.

Except I think I already was.

Love, Grace

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Using Housecleaning For Spiritual Awakening

Feeling a little hostile about house cleaning?
Feeling a little hostile about house cleaning?

Housecleaning Wars.

You know what I’m talkin’ about, right?

He didn’t clean up after himself, they left mugs in the sink, you call that tidying a room (?), they left all the food out, he should have hung up those clothes, she shouldn’t have broken the glass, they should have swept the floor and bought a new box of garbage bags….

….yada yada yada it goes on and on.

You scan the room, you don’t like it.

It should look different than it looks.

Parents often dictate to their kids and have steam coming right out of both ears when the kids don’t do it right, or quickly enough, or at all.

But the other day, I had a very interesting experience.

The Other Side.

As in, I was the one who was seen through critical eyes–the loser who didn’t clean up right.

(Hanging head in shame).

The kitchen was bustling, people were finishing their lunch meals. A large group of 7-10 close friends were in a big private home kitchen.

There were a lot of house rules.

I mean, a lot.

I’m good at rules. I’m exquisite at rules. When there are rule-lists, I keep them (wouldn’t want to be seen as a loser, or disliked for not keeping the rules, afterall)!

I don’t like making trouble. I lean towards the least conflicted way possible.

When I was a kid, it was much faster to take care of the rules, handle the rules, not complain about the rules, do your chores…

…because the consequences of speaking up, arguing, or refusing to pitch in could mean extreme rage or exasperation from my mother.

That was worse than anything. It made me sick to my stomach with anxiety, with the fear of rejection and dismissal.

If I don’t do it well, I’ll be considered Not Good Enough.

So guess what. Of course.

Kitchen is full, lights are on, food is spread, dishes are clanking. I’ve gone to a space in the living room area, lying down, stretching, noticing I’m not hungry yet and can’t imagine eating right then, seeing how my body feels, what it wants to do….

….when, uh oh.

The dreaded worst thing ever.

Someone in the group came all the way over to where I was, looked at me very directly, and said “could you please come help in the kitchen?”

Anxiety, a question mark over my head.

When I finally asked, slightly embarrassed and afraid of the answer, if she thought I wasn’t doing enough, the answer was…..YES.

Yikes. Confirmed criminal. Ugh.

But right in that confirmation….

….who would I be without the belief that being seen critically, being seen as not good enough (no matter what it is, in this case cleaning) is a horrible thing?

I mean, why?

Does everyone need to think I’m a freakin’ genius? Or a brilliant and caring cleaner?

Ha ha!

The identity of ego is so sneaky, so massive. It would get upset at someone else getting upset with me.

It would have a hissy fit and say things inside like “how dare she!” or “the nerve!” or “she should never see me poorly!”

Who would I be without any of this? How would it feel if someone could express their honest opinion, ask a simple question, and I responded honestly?

Turning the thought around: she should ask me to help, she’s right, she can say whatever she wants, I shouldn’t ask me to help (I did this so many times in my life–said yes to something I really wanted to say no to).

In that very moment, without being motivated to please but instead being honest, I could notice my answer might be “no”.

It was also TRUE that I wasn’t helping.

I was separate from everyone else at that moment. My stomach ached a little. I had no interest in eating lunch. I was having a huge internal experience of shifting at a deep level that I couldn’t explain, and I felt slightly frightened and slightly ecstatic.

I wanted at that moment to be out of the room altogether.

It was absolutely true I wasn’t helping in the kitchen!

I had been intently talking to a visitor who was only there for a short while, who had been asking me lots of questions. I was distracted, and off.

Without the belief, entering the turnarounds, I stop the game of believing a crime has been committed, or someone has accused me and it’s terrible, or something’s wrong.

Something’s exactly right.

“So if you want to find out how openness relates to each moment, just go inside. Be that openness. Be that emptiness. All you can do is ask yourself, inquire for yourself. How is it relating to this thought in my head? To this person? To this moment? You can see this. Go directly to the source, to the only authority that is finally liberating: your own awakeness, your own emptiness perceiving this moment. It will teach you how to live.” ~ Adyashanti 

If the one who get adversarial, or wants to prove it’s worthy of being admired, gets involved, then BAM…

…Everything becomes very, very small and imploded into this fighting moment, now.

But without all that…

…even housecleaning wars become a moment to use for spiritual awakening instead of spiritual sleeping.

So lucky, so lucky.

Love, Grace