Breitenbush has glorious spots available in two beautiful cabins, a space for one man to share a cabin, and a few more sweet lodging options. They’ll open up these best lodging spots to the general public on June 1st, so calling now is best to register. Speedy quick! Breitenbush is June 22-26, beginning the evening of Weds with dinner and ending Sunday lunch.
We’re together every step of the way through investigating a deeply important stressful situation…and soaking in the wisdom of The Work and our inquiry. The natural mineral hotsprings and old growth forest are yours to experience outside of our sessions together. It’s an exquisite time, worth 26 CEUs for mental health practitioners and 24 credits for candidates of the Institute for The Work.
I love to say….”question your beliefs, have a wonderful summer” 2016. Everyone who signs up for Breitenbush automatically receives access to Summer Camp for The Mind, a 7 week daily blitz of The Work from July 5 through August 19. You could dial in almost every single day to keep soaking in The Work and stay connected to the practice of inquiry.
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The theater lobby doors open, and people begin to pour out of the dark standing ovation in the final performance of the high school spring musical.
My college-aged son, his girlfriend, my husband, and me all find each other and lean in one area against the packed space, waiting for daughter to emerge, knowing she could be awhile. We discuss the play amongst ourselves. Did you like it?
We talk, wave to people we know as they exit, watch delightedly as some of the actors mill through the lobby still in full make up and costume, holding flowers.
Daughter appears.
OMG that was soooo good, we exclaim. We talk about the story line, what an interesting choice of musicals and some problematic parts (did you see the one actor trip and nearly fall)?
I feel so proud of my daughter as she’s been on stage crew, behind the scenes quite literally, on stage.
This is her last theater production, but her first on crew–not acting or dancing.
I’m amazed she’s never felt left out for this show, she’s enjoyed the whole thing, been so willing and helpful and able. Not one comment of disappointment. She’s had a ball!
During the production, as I watched all the dancers (tap shoes, lots of complicated steps) I am struck that the cast is smaller than I thought. Something inside me feels totally understanding why my daughter didn’t get a dancing/acting part. Everyone on stage had a lot of dancing skills….and it’s not like there were a ton of dancers, either. Fewer than I thought, look at that.
So I begin to say something along these lines to my daughter out loud as we all stand together in that moment, like “wow, they were so skilled it makes sense you didn’t….”
She cuts me off.
“Why would you say THAT??!!”
Uh oh.
Everyone is listening. I’m confused. I feel on the spot. I’m embarrassed. Wait. She’s not hearing what I’m saying. I’m not saying it right.
I give her an icy stare. I feel hurt. Like I want to say with Steve Martin humor (only no one’s laughing)…..
…..”well excuuuuuuuuse me!!”
I actually say “you don’t have to speak to me like this….”
“Well, no one knows what you’re talking about!” she replies.
I go quiet.
Thoughts develop like rabbits, like a fountain of me-the-victim. I drive home separately from everyone else since I came separately. Good. Time to think. Time to see what the heck happened in two seconds of words. Fume. Sad.
She disrespects me. She doesn’t get me. I’m an idiot. We will NEVER get along well (don’t you love these grand broad forever statements), she finds me an embarrassment, I can’t connect with her, this hurts too much. Teens are too hard to work with. I take back all my awareness of how great we are together. Nevermind! (By Nirvana!)
Deep breath.
Is it true I’m a victim? Is it true she hurt me? Is it true I hurt her? Is it true everything should be said so no one gets hurt, under any circumstance? (LOL) Is it true we should communicate perfectly? Is this troubling story, and all its baby rabbit thoughts….true?
Oh. What a question. Is it true? Wow.
No.
How do I react when I think I should be respected, and this looks like DIS-respect? How do I react when I feel hurt? Or I worry I hurt someone else? Or someone didn’t hear me right….called my daughter?
Ugh. I think “I VANT TO BE ALONE”! (Say it with a Hungarian accent and a lot of drama, put back of hand on forehead and fall backwards into the couch).
But joking aside, it feels so uncomfortable.
With the thought, I’m very sad. I feel an arrow go into my heart. I defend. I attack. I say things like “NEVER…” and “ALWAYS…”
So who would I be without this thought that my daughter hurt me, in the moment she cut off my words? Or that I was bad because I hurt her, or did it wrong?
I would feel the energy of STOP coming towards me as she spoke. I would stop.
I would trust the universe, reality in this moment, is making an important declaration through the voice of a teenage daughter. I would notice I have no idea what my daughter is thinking, and I’m making a zillion assumptions about her and what she’s experienced being on stage crew.
I would give a little bow, on the inside, to her direction.
I would not feel hurt. I would not defend. I would not tell her how to speak to me. I would not be disrespectful. I would notice the healing element of silence. I wouldn’t have to do a thing.
Turning the story around:
She respects me deeply. She gets me so well, she picks up that I might be talking about her lack of a part on stage before I even say so fully, (maybe not something she wanted to hear in that moment). I’m not an idiot, just bumbling about saying what’s in my head without a filter. I could use the refinement. I can find other examples.
More turning it around:
We will ALWAYS get along well (don’t you love these grand broad forever statements), she finds me to be someone she can speak honestly to, I CAN connect with her, this hurts ME too much to be telling my internal story (that has nothing to do with reality). Teens are easy to work with–bam. I know where I stand. We are great together!
Nevermind.
Nevermind my whole story. Never. Mind.
Even with daughters and foot in mouth?
Yes, even then. Especially then.
Much love, Grace
P.S. If you have a child, or a parent, or someone in your life who has apparently caused a disturbance within….come to Breitenbush. We’re almost full. You don’t have to bring THEM, just your own mind. Enter what Byron Katie calls the Great Un-Doing. You can tell, feel, think a different story.