Recently in the Eating Peace Core Teleclass I guided everyone through filling out a Judge Your Body worksheet.
The thing about worksheets on the body, is if you pause for two seconds and think about the body, the criticism or worry or judgments of it are…..well….infinite.
For the purposes of eating peace, we look in a concentrated way at appearance and all the associations we make with needing to look a certain way and how the mind concludes that we’re doing something wrong, we’re ugly, we need to fix our eating or exercise program. Obviously.
Astonishing how quickly the mind directs attention to solving the problem. Let’s fix this! Go! Go! Go!
It races off to find a solution without even taking a look at the original concept: this is wrong.
Now, here’s where it can get even more interesting.
Take a dive into WHY you need this body to look NOT like this, but another way, and actually allow yourself to see what it is you truly want.
Why did I want a thin body (or, to be attractive)? What would it give me? What would I have, if I had that Other Better Body?
It’s OK to admit your desires without embarrassment or shame.
What do you see your mind has locked in on, without discernment, without question, without inquiring, believing the assumption hook-line-and-sinker?
You need to be thin (thinner). You are fat. That cellulite is ugly. That belly is disgusting. I need these to change because other people think these same thoughts about me when they see me. And then, I am rejected. I am not picked. I am alone. I am abandoned.
Is any of this true?
Yes, oh yes, oh yes. It would be better to have thin, smooth, flat, long, tight, strong thighs. Says the mind, the eyeballs looking with the view of “corrective lenses”.
But are you absolutely sure what you’re thinking is accurate and true?
I always found I was so convinced people would like me, find me appealing, attractive, interesting. Almost like my survival depended on it. I would be abandoned without looking amazing. My mom, my dad, my grandparents all agreed. I heard them say things when I was young. They even talked about themselves negatively. I can tell this thin-thing is important. And I want their love!
There’s a book for this, written by a sage and wise woman Byron Katie: “I Need Your Love–Is That True?”
People in the Eating Peace Core class said….but….wait a second.
If I don’t think I’m ugly, or fat, or need to do something….
….then I will never, ever change!!
It’s true, in my experience, that I’ve been drawn to look at my mind and my beliefs because of noticing that when I thought them, I suffered. I would perhaps never have done The Work without suffering, I don’t know for sure—I do see that conflict, sadness, agony, hatred, judgment and criticism felt painful, and I wanted to stop feeling like it was all unbearable, intolerable, not worth living through.
But here’s a great question:
Are you SURE you need to hate yourself, or your body, in order to assist it to change? Are you sure you need to judge, despise, and criticize yourself the second you see your thighs in a window (that’s how fast it happens, when you’re conditioned deeply)?
Are you sure you actually need what you think a great body would get you (their love and adoration)?
I thought a great body would get me romance, acceptance, attention, maybe even fame.
News Flash: it didn’t.
How do you react when you believe your body size and shape, if it were “right”, would bring you happiness?
You make sure you do everything humanly possible to keep your body in “admirable” shape. Without addressing your deepest fears and suffering, or conflicted thoughts. It’s a lot of work.
So who would you be without your belief system about thinness, fatness, needing to limit eating, needing to control yourself, needing to fix who you really are?
Hold very still as you contemplate this answer.
Who is asking this question? Who is doing the looking at the body? Have you noticed the body doesn’t look back at you? It’s just there, being itself. YOU are the one who is looking. An observer.
Can you look with the eyes of a three-year old who doesn’t have all these judgments piled on yet? How about with the eyes of someone loving, supportive, kind, attentive, and gentle? How does God look at this body? How does Reality see these thighs? Can you look, just for a second, without your bitter judgment?
You CAN. Because it’s just as possible for you as the critical way. And it feels much better. It feels secure, patient, solid, unconditional.
How do you think your eating will change more easily…..if you HATE the way you look, or LOVE the way you look?
Watch my video telling what happened for me when I did The Work on my ugly, cellulite-filled, repulsive thighs.
Are you sure if you think you’re beautiful, no matter how imperfect, and accepting….that you’ll never be thin?
Well you might as well at least try seeing with different eyes. Note to self: looking with criticism and hatred hasn’t worked so far to make you change.
Right?
Love, Grace