Tag: appearance

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Eating Peace: Is it your body, or is it your thinking, that’s too fat?

People with eating issues often have criticism (or let’s be honest, outright hatred) of their own body image.

If they see themselves in the mirror, or in a window…..ugh.

(I used to feel like this, and it was super automatic).

And then on top of the self-judgment, they think “Why am I so judgmental? Why am I so superficial when it comes to my appearance?!!”

You can’t win.

Here’s a deep way to work with these kinds of body judgments.

Open yourself up to this inquiry. You may be amazed. And fascinated (like I talk about in this video when I saw my skin around a scar this past week).

Peace,

Grace

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Eating Peace: The Work of Byron Katie on Appearance

Recently in the Eating Peace Core Teleclass I guided everyone through filling out a Judge Your Body worksheet.

The thing about worksheets on the body, is if you pause for two seconds and think about the body, the criticism or worry or judgments of it are…..well….infinite.

For the purposes of eating peace, we look in a concentrated way at appearance and all the associations we make with needing to look a certain way and how the mind concludes that we’re doing something wrong, we’re ugly, we need to fix our eating or exercise program. Obviously.

Astonishing how quickly the mind directs attention to solving the problem. Let’s fix this! Go! Go! Go!

It races off to find a solution without even taking a look at the original concept: this is wrong.

Now, here’s where it can get even more interesting.

Take a dive into WHY you need this body to look NOT like this, but another way, and actually allow yourself to see what it is you truly want.

Why did I want a thin body (or, to be attractive)? What would it give me? What would I have, if I had that Other Better Body?

It’s OK to admit your desires without embarrassment or shame.

What do you see your mind has locked in on, without discernment, without question, without inquiring, believing the assumption hook-line-and-sinker?

You need to be thin (thinner). You are fat. That cellulite is ugly. That belly is disgusting. I need these to change because other people think these same thoughts about me when they see me. And then, I am rejected. I am not picked. I am alone. I am abandoned.

Is any of this true?

Yes, oh yes, oh yes. It would be better to have thin, smooth, flat, long, tight, strong thighs. Says the mind, the eyeballs looking with the view of “corrective lenses”.

But are you absolutely sure what you’re thinking is accurate and true?

I always found I was so convinced people would like me, find me appealing, attractive, interesting. Almost like my survival depended on it. I would be abandoned without looking amazing. My mom, my dad, my grandparents all agreed. I heard them say things when I was young. They even talked about themselves negatively. I can tell this thin-thing is important. And I want their love!

There’s a book for this, written by a sage and wise woman Byron Katie: “I Need Your Love–Is That True?”

People in the Eating Peace Core class said….but….wait a second.

If I don’t think I’m ugly, or fat, or need to do something….

….then I will never, ever change!!

It’s true, in my experience, that I’ve been drawn to look at my mind and my beliefs because of noticing that when I thought them, I suffered. I would perhaps never have done The Work without suffering, I don’t know for sure—I do see that conflict, sadness, agony, hatred, judgment and criticism felt painful, and I wanted to stop feeling like it was all unbearable, intolerable, not worth living through.

But here’s a great question:

Are you SURE you need to hate yourself, or your body, in order to assist it to change? Are you sure you need to judge, despise, and criticize yourself the second you see your thighs in a window (that’s how fast it happens, when you’re conditioned deeply)?

Are you sure you actually need what you think a great body would get you (their love and adoration)?

I thought a great body would get me romance, acceptance, attention, maybe even fame.

News Flash: it didn’t.

How do you react when you believe your body size and shape, if it were “right”, would bring you happiness?

You make sure you do everything humanly possible to keep your body in “admirable” shape. Without addressing your deepest fears and suffering, or conflicted thoughts. It’s a lot of work.

So who would you be without your belief system about thinness, fatness, needing to limit eating, needing to control yourself, needing to fix who you really are?

Hold very still as you contemplate this answer.

Who is asking this question? Who is doing the looking at the body? Have you noticed the body doesn’t look back at you? It’s just there, being itself. YOU are the one who is looking. An observer.

Can you look with the eyes of a three-year old who doesn’t have all these judgments piled on yet? How about with the eyes of someone loving, supportive, kind, attentive, and gentle? How does God look at this body? How does Reality see these thighs? Can you look, just for a second, without your bitter judgment?

You CAN. Because it’s just as possible for you as the critical way. And it feels much better. It feels secure, patient, solid, unconditional.

How do you think your eating will change more easily…..if you HATE the way you look, or LOVE the way you look?

Watch my video telling what happened for me when I did The Work on my ugly, cellulite-filled, repulsive thighs.

Are you sure if you think you’re beautiful, no matter how imperfect, and accepting….that you’ll never be thin?

Well you might as well at least try seeing with different eyes. Note to self: looking with criticism and hatred hasn’t worked so far to make you change.

Right?

Love, Grace

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Ouch! What To Do With Negative Thoughts About Your Looks

A few years ago I was the speaker for a women’s event at the Center for Spiritual Living in Seattle.

The topic was, of course, The Work of Byron Katie.

I had everyone in the audience (there were about 100 women) fill in Judge Your Neighbor worksheets on one situation that really bothered them, maybe for a long time, in their personal lives.

I noticed something interesting, and yet not at all surprising, when I asked for volunteers to share what they had written.

Seven out of ten of the volunteers wrote about something being wrong with their weight, body, appearance, or how they ate.

One woman said she hated the way her butt looked, and her size. Another said she hated her wrinkles at age 60, and that they kept getting “worse”.

Yesterday, I was interviewed (yes, the second time in a week, weird I know) by a wonderful friend and colleague Audra Baker who works with women in nutrition, fitness, exercise and finding freedom and love in all these areas.

She sought me out to share with her peeps about undoing some of the core beliefs about appearance….one of my favorite set of beliefs to undo.

She bravely used her own belief to show the audience how The Work can work.

Her painful belief?

My weight should be my ideal weight.

At the women’s conference at the Center for Spiritual Living I heard these thoughts: my wrinkles are ugly, my thighs are too big, my arms are to jiggly, my belly is too fat, I look too old.

Often, I hear people get angry at themselves for even HAVING these thoughts in the first place….I should know it doesn’t matter! I’m more than a body! I refuse to be so superficial!

But have you noticed, the mind will run these thoughts anyway, despite your best efforts at controlling these kinds of thoughts about your appearance?

So let’s dive into them, look at them head-on, and see what happens.

Your weight (you fill in the blank for what you find unattractive about yourself) is NOT the right weight for you.

Is that true?

Yes! I saw my body! I walked by the store window, I looked at myself in the mirror, I tried on my old jeans. All these prove that this is true!

But can you absolutely know that it is true? If you were all of divine consciousness, if you saw with the eyes of the absolute and infinite?

Are you positive your weight is not ideal?

Are you sure your body is ugly, unattractive, or that it will send people running for the hills? That people won’t find you beautiful? That it means there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re flawed?

No. I can’t know any of this is true.

How do you react when you believe the thought that what you saw in the mirror was repulsive, wrong, ugly, droopy, fat, thick, too big, too small, too old?

Depressed, discouraged.

All the women I’ve ever done The Work with answered that they felt small, shrunken down. Sometimes they wouldn’t even go out to a party, or to the beach, or walk down the street happily. They’d cover their bodies up.

They’d shrink.

So now the big beautiful question….who would you be without that belief? Who would you be without the thought that what you saw to be wrong, actually IS wrong?

If you couldn’t even THINK that thought when you saw that reflection in the mirror? Or when you saw the scale read a number you don’t like.

WOW.

During our interview, Audra said without that thought, her whole mind expanded, her consciousness grew infinitely bigger, she felt lighter.

A weight lifted off her heart.

I saw her put her palm to her chest, so touching.

I noticed I had the thought just the other day putting lotion on my face that my skin really was looking old and very wrinkled around the eyes.

Without that belief that there’s anything wrong with that, my actions move on to the next thing, I don’t avoid anything, I flow with the space of the day, the joy of being alive.

I notice that what’s inside, the deep inner center space inside, could care less.

Turning the thoughts around: What I’m seeing is gorgeous, ideal, perfect for now.

These wrinkles, this weight, this butt, this stomach should be exactly the way it is. It’s a GOOD thing.

How could this be true? Can you find three examples?

My wrinkles give me wisdom, the authority of someone a little older, I move beyond appearance because it’s too late to be involved with that (ha ha!), I surrender to the knowing that this physical, natural thing (this body) softens, bends, moves.

I see the groves of the canyons and mesas I see in Colorado and how phenomenally stunning they are. I notice I don’t believe the valleys, rivers, lines and canyons should not be there.

These wrinkles are absolutely beautiful. This weight is ideal. This butt, this stomach, these thighs, these arms, this body…all so stunning, miraculous, sensual, alive.

Live that turnaround! Oh happy day!

“Too fat, too short, too tall, too thin…bad, bad, wrong, wrong!… Every body is perfect, Now. Every body is perfect, NOW. It doesn’t mean it won’t change, but for now, this is the body you need to be you…..There’s a perfect thing going on here, there’s not one thing out of order.” ~ Byron Katie

Really considering what is good about this state of this body, in this moment, today, is the most heavenly feeling of liberation.

Freedom from all these thoughts of how the body needs to change, in order to be truly happy. Freedom from concern about ugliness, rejection, fear.

Can you find your good reasons for your current body being the way it is?

Share them on the Grace Notes page, I’d love to read your turnarounds!

Much love, Grace

P.S. I’m cooking up an intensive in-person immersion in The Work on the Body and Beyond…the spiritual path of unraveling your stressful thinking. More on this very soon in Grace Notes.