Craving. Wanting. Desiring. Grabbing. Needing.
I used to have this experience on a daily basis. If I didn’t
have an overwhelming compulsion to eat food, I might have
been in the middle of smoking a cigarette (yes, I used to smoke).
Or I might have been drinking wine.
The feeling was sooooo strong, sooooo dramatic and intense.
My mind was convinced “if I can’t get something to satisfy
my craving, I will die, I will explode, I will go crazy!”
Nevermind that right in the middle of that thought I felt
entirely and completely CRAZY already.
I had a one-track, focused, determined mind. I WANT.
Then, after indulging….I would feel desperate, full of despair, full of
self-hate (why can’t I control this???) and suicidal.
I would get a PLAN. I’ll get a new diet and do yoga, say affirmations,
have a meditation practice, get up at 6 am to exercise, buy
special food….and follow the plan. I’d get CONTROL of the
situation. of myself, of my symptoms, of my cravings.
But I always knew there must be another way…..
There must be a way to live without such intense craving,
without feeling crazy, without wanting to destroy myself.
I began to look at the moment of CRAVING and seeing what was
going on right in that split second. I had amazing guides along the
way; therapists, friends, practitioners….
And I began to question my thinking right in that moment of craving.
What do I actually really, really want? Is it true that I MUST get
something or go crazy? Is it true that I can’t handle this feeling right
now? Is it absolutely true that I am needy, or that I NEED SOMETHING
NOW OR I WILL EXPLODE??!!
I slowed down and found out what was actually true, for me.
That’s what we do in the teleclass group Horrible Food Wonderful Food.
We look at different parts of our thinking about eating, craving, wanting,
diets, plans, fat, thin…..watching all the thoughts that gallop along with curiosity.
What is this moment showing me? What is this feeling?
Even if you’re not sure what you’re thinking….it starts to become
clear. And it’s fun! It’s not torture!
Wow, who would have ever thought that CRAVING would be OK.
Even FUN.
And guess what? I haven’t felt the pull of craving turning into self-hate
around food, smoking or drinking for many years now. Everyone
has their own journey, their own timeline….but for someone who once
wanted to commit suicide just to get out of the cycle of craving, my
thoughts are now my friends and I love all my interactions with food!
You can have this too, I know it.
The next teleclass starts Saturdays (only offered once a year on the
weekend) February 11th, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. You can do The Work for
breakfast, as Katie likes to say (although I know some of you will be
in other distant time zones so you can do The Work for lunch…or dinner!)
To your freedom,
Grace