Money – Page 5 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

December 16, 2015

The beautiful thing about the truth about money….it’s free

moneyblossome — have a love affair with money

As I walk through life (and sometimes run, I admit) in the past couple of years, one thing has been very, very, very transformative and awe-inspiring for me.

The way I relate to money.

The way money appears to relate to me.

As in, we’re having more fun together than we used to. Almost a love affair….but let’s not get carried away.

Now many people might think….

…..oh. What? She’s making money now? That’s what’s happening?

That MUST be what she means by having a love affair with money, if that’s what’s going on!

But check your assumptions about what a “love affair” actually is.

Is it all I-get-what-I-want-and-I-am-comfortable-at-all-times easy-peasy non-confrontational never-asking-you-to-grow kinda deal?

If that’s what you want with a love affair, there’s nothing wrong with that.

And, that’s not what I’m talking about.

Somewhere along the way in my life, I discovered through extreme fear and suffering (it took some yelling to wake me up) that what a truly deep, wild, fantastical, growth-inspiring love affair looked like with money….

….was to lose my need for it to go MY way.

(Secret hint: this is true about romantic love, other people, your family, and everything else in your entire life).

My way involved money always directing its attention towards ME.

Staying with me, giving to me, calling on me at all the right moments, showering me with appreciation, bringing me gifts, making it fun-fun-fun pleasure ALL the time, growing before my eyes, asking nothing or very little of me.

How did I react when I believed the thoughts that money doesn’t care about me personally when it was not acting the way I wanted, and it should, that money should stay with me and never challenge me, ever?

Twisted up in knots.

Terrified.

Angry.

With those thoughts, I felt small, tiny, and inconsequential. Unloved. Left behind. Less than others who had more money than me.

Who would I be without the belief that when money moves away….

….it means I’m abandoned, or unloved by money, or incompatible, or undeserving, or bad?

Without the belief that money is acting unacceptable, frightening?

That money is not doing as I wish, that it’s leaving me unhappy and all alone?

Who would I really be without these beliefs?

Holy smokes.

That’s an amazing feeling.

The lightness of allowing money to be as it is, moving the way it does!

To not “need” anyone, including money, to do it the way I want in order to be happy…..laughter-inducing.

The freedom to not have to depend on money to come to me in times of trouble…..incredible.

Turning the belief system around about money:

I do not need it to survive. Never have.

Money needs more of me, pouring myself into the world and meeting the world with joy, instead of the other way around.

Turning thoughts about needing more money around to the opposite (I don’t need more of it than I ever have) I notice I have abundance all around me, and its free for the noticing.

Grass, trees, sidewalks, parking places, bicycles at the gym, daylight hours, conversations, videos, furniture, long slabs of wood creating a floor, pieces of furniture, art, air to breathe.

Abundance everywhere I look.

Including the direction “in”.

“The Tao never does anything, yet through it all things are done. If powerful men and women could center themselves in it, the whole world would be transformed by itself, in its natural rhythms. People would be content with their simple, everyday lives, in harmony, and free of desire. When there is no desire, all things are at peace.” ~ Tao Te Ching

Now don’t go off thinking this means you’re supposed to not have any desire for money, if you do.

That’d be pretending stuff that isn’t really true.

Just investigate the stress.

I keep seeing there’s nothing to fear, and money keeps asking me to grow. It invites me to create, to bring service and have a ball doing it.

And this is what I always so deeply wanted anyway.

So thank you, money, for being soooo challenging, and such an exciting, brilliant, wise, ingenious energy.

You’ve loved me so much that you want me to come out of my cave of introversion, shame and being small and insignificant….

….and turn up the volume on being here, on being myself, and connecting very honestly and intimately with the world.

“This is the beautiful thing about the truth: ever-present, always here, totally free, given freely.” ~ Adyashanti

Truth is free.

Truth about money is free.

All you need to do is inquire within.

Money Love Story 8 week telecourse Thursdays 2-3:30 pm beginning on January 14th. So much fun to watch it fill up with awesome people. We will have a great time investigating money with exercises, questions and prompts that allow you to see what you think, that’s hurting, and change your relationship with money.

Much love,

Grace

November 29, 2015

If Money Breaks Your Heart

Just after the new year, I’ll begin offering time to do The Work on one of my favorite topics ever….

….Money.

Because it is rare that any of us, no matter what the quantity of money is in our lives, has NOT had a stressful thought about money.

We’ll embark on the latest newest version of an 8 week journey into investigating stressful thoughts when it comes to money. January 14-March 3, 2016 Thursdays 2-3:30 pm Pacific Time. $395 usual telesession fee, but for this class, you pick what you can pay.

Because, it’s about….money.

And deep inside, thoughts and beliefs about money are really about feeling safe, feeling supported, feeling like you’re not enough, feeling controlled, feeling guilty, feeling urgency, feeling scared, feeling worthy, feeling comfortable with surrender.

Register HERE. Let’s investigate money together and feel the joy possible when you question your stressful thinking, no matter how much money you have!

*******

Wanting anything, loving anything, thinking you need anything, can sometimes be very stressful.

Have you noticed?

If you think you want it, but you can’t have it….Uh oh.

Money, or a lover, fame, success, the big house you saw in that neighborhood, recognition, health….rest, peace.

The mind can take even a lovely, rather holy kind of idea…..

…..like achieving enlightenment…..

…..and make a project out of it, so it’s no longer joyful, genuine, or accessible.

You may believe what you want is good and sacred, or you may believe what you want is gross and wrong.

Either way, there can be deep stress in the wanting.

When something is desired that does NOT seem noble, or moral, or “good”….

….we often think we need to get rid of that desire.

Like, NOW.

Money often fits into this category, at least it did for me.

I wanted it, but at the same time I viewed it as a pain-in-the-ass, and like giving it away or not caring about it was more cool than keeping it.

I also looked at other people, the ones who wanted lots of money or made lots of money, and thought they were sometimes jerks.

Other desires I hate to admit are “bad” too.

If you are super attracted to Someone Else, and you are also married (the person to whom you are attracted is not your mate), Uh Oh.

If you are super attracted to fame and recognition and you secretly don’t care who you step on or step over as you climb the ladder up, Uh Oh.

If you are super attracted to money and you don’t stop to think about why but just push ahead for gaining more of it OR you dismiss your desire as BAD, Uh Oh.

All I know is, every time I tried to resist wanting something, without investigating all the interesting voices that wanted it, Uh Oh.

What I mean by Uh Oh is:

I’m in a dilemma, I’m torn between two things, I’m going to hurt someone or something no matter what I do, there’s no easy way, a battle must be fought, I have to strive, I have to force myself to stay on track or do the “right” thing, I am surrounded with unease or distrust.

What to do?

You know what I’m gonna say.

Do The Work!

But where should you begin?

Because there may be some very helpful ways to access what is really true for you, and feel more free.

First step….notice where you’ve felt irritated, or a slight hesitation, or worried about anything having to do with what you desire.

Let’s say you want more money (but you can do this with lovers, achievements, goals, what-you-wish-for).

Take a moment right now, take out a pen and paper, and consider Money.

When have you felt upset, even slightly, when it comes to hearing about money, being with money, going without money, focused on money in any way?

Immediately even right now, as I think about this, I see a few visions arise where my feeling was irritation, or anxiety, or confusion….

….and MONEY (that dastardly thing) was involved:

a client who doesn’t pay their invoice on time, repeatedly

a friend saying to me “everyone’s mindset towards money is pretty much the same from birth to death” (are you saying I’m trapped where I am? Eeek!)

another acquaintance saying to me “you’re going to have to do some serious work on money internally if you want to become wealthy” (why did you just say that, do I look poor?)

a very close friend sharing about her stock investments, but she still complains about needing to work hard (you have no idea how good you have it you whiner)

a good friend commenting on how her husband makes $350K per year and that’s why she doesn’t work (I wish I had someone supporting ME with that kind of income, you lucky beoch)

rage at my own tax bill, when I finally started to make a profit (the government is so greedy, selfish, and piggish)

fear because my husband, the man I picked to marry, was from a family who took a vow of poverty (what was I thinking, I will never get any bling, or surprise vacations to Hawaii)

hearing about people who are upset with spiritual teachers for charging so much money (only the privileged can get access to freedom I guess)

Ooooh, just watching the different scenes flow through my head, in pictures and visions, makes me MAD!!!!

I HATE money!

Ha ha.

Just kidding.

This is the key, in fact, to your own freedom when it comes to money, or anything.

Noticing where you feel intensity of feelings.

It has been for me.

Anger, jealousy, sadness, despair, fury, envy, irritation, pushiness, worry, anxiety, comparison.

Where any of these feelings arise, and the scenes that cause them to arise….

….is gold.

Write down these situations, these scenes you see in your mind.

What are your difficult moments, where money was involved, and you didn’t like what was going on, or you felt upset in any way?

Don’t edit yourself, or override your feelings with the thoughts “I shouldn’t think about this” because suppressing what you think is definitely not going to work.

The memories or scenes or situations or moments or conversations that come to mind, as you make a list of what has been upsetting when it comes to money…..

…..will be the situations that offer and teach you, personally, how to discover freedom with money.

When you identify what bothers you, THEN you can find true freedom, no matter what money is doing or where it is or who has it or doesn’t have it.

It all starts with you and your own personal experience of money.

What you were taught.

What you believe (repeatedly think).

Because only then, when you’ve got what you think is the “proof” that money is a problem….

….can you imagine what it would be like to not have that thought in the very same situation.

That’s when I’ve noticed, for me, the magic happens.

Can’t wait to continue the fun this January with Money: I Love This Story for 8 weeks.

It’s gonna be awesome.

“Spiritually inclined people and seekers of all kinds must contend well with other peoples’ money and with other peoples’ poverty. They must, more importantly, befriend their own uneasiness about their own money, or lack of it….Your breaking heart makes room for your soul’s work to be done.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money And The Soul’s Desires

For everyone who enrolls in the telecourse in January, the 3 day Money Love retreat March 25-27, 2016 in Seattle is only $147 (materials and costs only). And you can donate more if you choose.

Much love, Grace

P.S. 12/12 afternoon mini retreat 1:30-5:30 a few spots available. Sign up HERE to join me in doing The Work from start to finish.

October 29, 2015

When the little money house you built crashes

Twice in the past week I’ve had two of the dearest people, who have amazing work to offer the world, express quietly to me….

….I am afraid. Business is drying up. Maybe I’m not supposed to be doing what I’m doing. I’m making very little money.

Wowser have I ever been there.

Walking the tightrope between two worlds, it may seem.

What are the two worlds?

Success and Failure. Heaven and Hell. Love and Hate. Trust and Fear.

One side of the tightrope, the world is plentiful, full of possibility, encourages you to continue to press on. It’s light and airy, without gravity. You can’t fall, you can fly. Wide open empty space and the pulsing feel of rightness, support, trust.

The other side of the tightrope, the world is also full of wide open space, but the space is dangerous. If you enter it, you die. You can fall, there’s no support, the ground isn’t anywhere near in sight. The pulsing feeling is of wrongness, fear, trepidation, worry, panic.

But here’s the deal.

There aren’t really two worlds.

There are two feelings, two experiences, two polarities.

Anything can be happening, and you could be feeling either one of these, or bouncing between the two.

They are feelings, imagination, ideas.

Your feelings point to what you believe is true.

You can’t pretend they don’t.

If you say “I know it’s NOT really true that I’ll fall to my death if I fall off this tightrope” but you’re pretty sure that could happen, then the feeling will remain tight, clenched and full of fearful warning.

You’ll be very, very careful and very, very distraught. Maybe frozen.

If you say “I know it’s God’s will that I’m abundant and prosperous”but you notice you don’t have enough money to pay the rent, then the haunted feeling of self-criticism will keep you angry, frustrated and resentful and very distant from whatever God is to you…..believing there must be something wrong with you or you’re missing something, you just can’t get it right.

You’ll be very, very discouraged and very, very self-condemning.

When you’re discouraged like this, you may indeed need to take some kind of action, but I strongly suggest doing The Work of Byron Katie first.

Question your stressful thinking and feeling.

This is doing The Work on money, support, success, and believing there’s a peaceful place that exists somewhere, and it’s not here.

Support is not here, is that true?

If you need to pay a huge bill, right now….let all your ideas about how you’re supposed to do that fall away.

“If I didn’t have money, I would do whatever it took to pay my bills. I wouldn’t need a plan about how that was going to look. It would come to me to mop floors, to clean houses, and I’d love doing that. And one thing would lead to another, one job would lead to another, I would do it all for my own sake, and enjoy it all. I can’t not be wealthy. It has nothing to do with money.” ~ Byron Katie

If you’ve got a pattern of constantly NOT being able to pay all your bills and you’re tired of it….eliminate expenses, apply for other jobs, sell your house, call people and ask them for suggestions on how to stabilize, rent out your house for awhile and go live in a trailer.

Or not. Do none of this. Stay where you are. Watch, notice. Life will makes changes for you.

You might watch your objections arise instantly when I make suggestions for change.

What? Sell my house? That’s ridiculous, that would be total failure, where would I live, I have nowhere to go, I can’t live in a trailer OMG, oh no, oh no, oh no!

What? Get a full time job so I can keep my house? Seriously? I’ll be trapped at an office forever, my creativity will be crushed, I’ll have to deal with a boss again, I hate office buildings.

What? Get a second part time bridge job while I keep offering this beautiful work I love? I can’t do that, it would be a failure, I would HATE doing that job, it’s too discouraging, I refuse.

What? Start paying my debts off slowly, even if I only have $10 a month? That will take too long, I’ll still be paying when I’m 80 years old, it won’t get me where I want, why bother, my whole life will only be all about paying debt.

Six years ago, I was $80,000 in debt. Yep.

This included $50,000 home equity line of credit, maxed out all the way, on my little cottage. Then $30,000 more on credit cards and other unpaid bills and a loan to one of my sisters. I don’t even include my actual home mortgage in this figure, but that was debt, too (still is).

The one thing I can say about that period is, all I could really do is The Work, and notice what was available to me, what was something I could try.

There was a point when I KNEW if I DID go down (lose the house, move in with mom) at least I did everything I could possibly have imagined.

I tried it all, even though a lot of it terrified, embarrassed, or discouraged me.

Who would I be without the belief support is not here?

OK with losing it all, and seeing what remains.

Ah ha. What remains?

A lot, I noticed seven years ago.

“Your awareness can expand to encompass vast space instead of limited space in which you dwell. Then, when you look back at that little house you built, you will wonder why you were ever in there.” ~ Michael Singer

Turning the thought around:

Support is here.

Starting with the ground you’re standing on.

The people who care about you.

The air you’re breathing.

The list goes on.

Nothing more required.

Much Love, Grace

October 18, 2015

Afraid of the ship sinking when it comes to money?

Fear of going down....no good at sea (in life) especially when it comes to money — Fear of going down….no good at sea (in life) especially when it comes to money

I have to make more money.

Recently I sat in a small inquiry circle and someone brought up this thought.

We decided to take a look and investigate.

As I heard, contemplated, and felt the belief “I have to make more money” I reflected on when I have had this thought in my life to the point of desperation, or terror, or fury, or sadness.

I remembered sitting on my couch in my little cottage about 7 years ago holding my mortgage bill, due in one week.

I had $10.16 in my bank account.

The numbers on the bill said around $2000 was due.

Now.

If not paid within 7 days, it would be late, and a late charge would be added (I had never had this added before in my life).

I googled “foreclosure”.

I found out you have 3 months of not paying before they come in with the sirens, or whatever happens when you “foreclose”.

What you think is your house becomes the bank’s house.

I had been applying for jobs for many months. I had gone to many interviews.

I was waiting to hear from one job in particular. But even if I heard the news “you’re hired!” I wouldn’t have $2000 in 7 days.

It seemed hopeless.

There was absolutely no way to get the money for the mortgage. I would be starting the beginning of the 3-late-payments-to-foreclosure process in a week.

This seemed the most likely scenario, if we’re really being honest here.

I had already borrowed from family, I had taken out loans, I had maxed out a credit card, I had sold most things I owned of worth, I had even tried to sell this house (despite being terribly sad to not have a home)….and not had any offers that would cover my mortgage loan with the sale.

My conversation with the universe went something like…..

….”What else do you want me to DO? I have to keep this house! I have to earn more money!”

The thing is…..

…..I had inquiry in my life.

I knew enough to be aware that I was killing myself internally with the stressful thought that things must go the way I wanted.

Let my will be done.

Notice the key word…..”my”.

Not the will of Reality (if it has a will), not the will of God.

Mine.

Here are some other stressful thoughts I’ve had about money during my lifetime.

You might relate.

storing money brings safety and security for the future
if I’m not making money, I’m doing something wrong
I should care about service I give, not money I receive
wealth is having lots of money
poverty is lacking money
being without money is dangerous
the money I have or receive is mine
the money I give or pay is theirs
money is _______ (see what happens when you describe money)

The stories about money and what it’s doing are so deep, and can be excruciatingly painful, and also, very hidden.

But let’s take a look at that one repetitive thought, the one I remembered having that time sitting on the couch, with a vengeance.

I could still find it existing inside me, just not so intense as before.

I have to make more money.

Is that true?

Yes. Duh. Who doesn’t want more money?

But can I absolutely know it’s true that I have to make more money?

Hmmmm. I may be screaming in my head that I LIKE more money, but not necessarily that I have to make more of it.

I don’t know this to be absolutely true.

But it sounds kinda dumb to even entertain the idea that I don’t have to make it at all.

I mean, what are my other options for obtaining money (note the assumption still alive and well that money must be gotten, or made, or saved, or kept)?

Besides making money…..there’s the lottery, an inheritance, a surprise gift, winning it, money growing on the tree in my back yard (little joke), a trust fund, stumbling upon a hidden buried treasure.

Making money means working for it, trading something valuable for it, offering something worthy for it, doing something important for it, creating something appreciated for it.

It seems practically absolutely true, or waaaaay more likely, that I would make money rather than get it another one of these ways.

Funny how even though we know this, something seems more appealing (you can question this) about the other ways besides earning that people get money.

How do you react when you believe you have to make money, or more of it if you’re already making it?

Super stressful, you may have noticed.

There’s scheming to think of ways to increase your work load, your salary, your time management. Plans to achieve, save, earn, earn, earn, invest, analyze future projections.

You may give up other things you love, like exercising, playing, doing things for no good reason, being artistic, hanging out with friends, dating.

With the thought that you have to earn….you may work your butt off now and think about how later you’ll be resting in retirement.

Some day, you’ll relax.

You may resent something about all this.

No matter how much you have.

All you notice is, the thought brings stress, not peace.

Now…..

…..who would you be without the belief that you have to make more money?

Some people feel frightened of entertaining this idea.

If I gave up the thought I have to earn more money, I would lay on the floor all day eating, dozing off, drooling.

I’d lose everything! I’d live on the street! I wouldn’t be safe! I wouldn’t have health insurance!

Must worry! Must keep nose to grindstone! Must EARN!

But if you really allowed yourself to explore what it would be like to not “have to” earn more money?

You still get to love what you love, without the thought.

It doesn’t mean you have to love being homeless (unless you are, or do).

For me, without the belief I have to earn money…..

…..I simply notice a wild, passionate, excited, sweet, powerful energy of LOVING making contact with money, and humanity, and life.

Call it work, OK.

Every job I’ve ever had has brought me face-to-face with people I needed to find resolve with.

Every job I’ve ever had has pressed me to wake up, invited me to expand beyond the smaller picture I have of myself as someone who can’t handle it.

Every job I’ve ever had invited me to end my stand as a victim, as someone working alone–the sole provider of my own support.

In that moment where I looked at the impossible mortgage bill due, and my midget sized bank account, and could sit without the thought that I needed to make more money….

….I found acceptance, and then, gratitude.

I do not need to make more money. I need to make less money. I need to make more of myself. Money needs to make more of me.

In that situation, the need for money WAS making more of me.

It was inviting me, passionately pleading for me to make more of myself. To trust, honor, love and feel the leadership energy inside myself.

I saw in that moment how it would be an amazing experience to lose my house and move in with my mother, and relax, and accept what was happening.

It was a bit crazy, right after complete and total acceptance of my financial situation, when I was given a gift of my entire mortgage, plus living expenses, from an unexpected and surprise donation from friends and family from literally all over the world for my birthday, which happened to be that week.

(Wait, I don’t get to go through this grand experiment of learning to love moving in with my mom again?)

What thoughts can YOU turn around about money, and all the associated stressful beliefs you think are locked in place forever?

storing money does NOT bring ANY safety and security for the future (there is no guaranteed future, not even tomorrow)
if I’m not making money, I’m thinking something wrong
I should care about money and service equally
wealth is feeling love, trust, comfort and peace when it comes to anything (including money)
poverty is feeling suspicion, distrust, emptiness and stress when it comes to anything (including money)
being without money is exciting, being with money is dangerous (sometimes just as true), being with my thinking is dangerous
money is not mine or theirs or owned by anyone (it’s flowing in and out like a beautiful tide, and I have my part in it, like breathing air)
money is _______ (see what happens when you take all the troubling ways you describe money and turning them to the opposite! My thinking has those difficult qualities!)

“Mankind owns four things that are no good at sea; rudder, anchor, oars, and the fear of going down.” ~ Antonio Machado

Fear of going down….

….this is all I could think about before, holding that mortgage statement in my hand that day before inquiry.

After inquiry, oh good….this is going down.

After inquiry, oh good….a loss becomes something brilliant, unexpected, unplanned, genius.

After inquiry, oh good….feeling the astonishment of money doing whatever it does, and knowing it’s not personal, or required.

“You didn’t make the rain or the sun or the moon. You have no control over your lungs or your heart or your vision or your breath. One minute you’re fine and healthy, the next minute you’re not. When you try to be safe, you live your life being very, very careful, and you may wind up having no life at all.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy

Much Love,
Grace

August 10, 2015

The Awakened Mind is Like Water With Money

Cherry flowers and dollar Speaking of money.

A very powerful exercise you can do to become aware of what money means to you, especially noting if it was stressful, is to remember incidents with money that felt uncomfortable, frightening, sad, or devastating.

Maybe there are only a few that immediately rise to the surface of your memory banks. All you need is one. But see if you can find more.

*A moment in the kitchen where the air was so thick with tension, you could cut it with a knife. I am only six. My grandpa and father have just raised their voices at each other. My dad is choked with anger at his father-in-law (grandpa). The women are completely silent.

Money makes my dad furious. Money makes my grandfather nasty and critical.

*A moment in the driveway of my brand new home where I’ve just moved with my then-husband and very small children. I open the trunk to retrieve my little overnight suitcase packed for my uncle’s funeral with my black velvet dress, black high heeled shoes, my favorite elegant earrings, and my father’s grey wool v-neck sweater with the tiny hints of blue and pink woven in.

My father has been dead for 8 years, but I take his sweater with me everywhere. It still smells like him.

As I open the trunk, I discover the suitcase gone. It was stolen.

Money made someone steal what was precious to me.

*A moment where I’m crying in the parking lot of the grand cathedral I grew up attending, sitting in my little car looking out at the Seattle skyline.

My mom opens the passenger door and gives me one look. She takes out her checkbook and writes a check for my mortgage, due tomorrow. I weep with relief, and rage.

Money made me ashamed, to ask my own mother, when I am 45 years old, to rescue me from financial crisis.

*A moment where my then-husband says with both irritation and hesitation, “Were you going to start looking for work soon?” after our youngest, age 2, goes to sleep.

Money made me lose the respect of my former husband. Money made it so I couldn’t stay with my children.

*The family van is loaded. The moving trucks have already gone. We pull away from our house. I’ll have to go to third grade in a place called Washington. I watch the house until I can’t see it anymore, and the car turns down the main road out of Lawrence, Kansas.

Money made my parents leave our home, forever, so my dad could get a promotion to a new teaching job.

*A woman who works with me closely turns out to be watching everything I do with a critical eye, reporting tiny mistakes like typos to our supervisor over time.

Money made me stay in the presence of a creepy, bitter woman because I needed the job.

*People I see who have money have access to health care, body work, meditation retreats, community, comfort, security, pride, housing communities. People I see who have no money hurt themselves with smoking, junk food, zero health care, insecurity, evictions, lack of therapy, isolation and hatred of rich people.

Money divides people.

*I have a friend who has had a long successful high-paying career.

She lives in a dull looking ranch-style house with a tiny yard in a sunny area that stays about the same temperature all year, with cactuses and palm trees. She tell me about investing on the side in a sunglasses company, and buying an apartment building.

She’s saving up for when she becomes enlightened. She constantly attends spiritual retreats, with every non-dual teacher you’ve ever heard of, plus more.

Money keeps people unenlightened and unwilling to let go into what they actually really want.

I’ve got my stories. These are my proof of why money has been a mean, nasty, rotten, hateful, separating, insane-making entity.

Until I take these situations through the inquiry known as The Work.

The more I return to these images and scenes for deep, open-hearted inquiry, the lighter I become.

I notice each and every day, and every encounter with money, there’s an opportunity to slow, slow, slow down and really look.

(And there are so many moments every day with money, from the walk to the store for milk, to gifting my son with his annual license plate tabs when he didn’t expect the expense, to paying my monthly web hosting company).

Who would I be without the story, right here today, that money causes problems…..or lack of money causes problems?

I know its a really big question.

So take one situation at a time.

The minute you begin to look at only one, the story may begin to change. You don’t even have to find “positive” thoughts about money, or work so hard to change your money ideas.

You question, the story changes.

When the story changes, so does the future.

Year of Inquiry focuses on money situations during the fifth month (and if it’s a big topic for you, you can start in on it right away at the very beginning of the year in September).

Join me.

I love unwrapping these stories with myself, with everyone.

“The awakened mind is like water. It flows where it flows, envelops all things in its path, doesn’t try to change anything, yet in its steadiness all things change. It goes in and out, around and over, above and below, and without meaning to, it penetrates wherever it can. It delights in its own movement and in everything that allows or doesn’t allow it. And eventually everything allows it.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

August 9, 2015

Two Things To Do When Something Is Too Expensive

Why is Year of Inquiry (YOI) so expensive?

Someone wrote and asked me this a few days ago.

Or, well, actually her friendasked this question when they were on a walk.

A month ago, someone wrote “that’s the cheapest one-year group program I’ve ever heard of, do you have money issues?”

Hilarious, right?

Well….I notice a few thoughts appearing on the horizon, ready for inquiry.

After both of these emails within one month, I thought….

….maybe I better talk about money.

Yikes.

Do I have to? (No, no money issues here, nope. No-siree).

I loved getting these two questions, though, because….

a) I’ve had so many stressful beliefs about money and things being expensive in this world, or too much for me….

….and I’ve had so many equally stressful thoughts about how I shouldn’t be charging, or this weird guilt for requesting compensation for a service or expertise throughout my life in both jobs and business….

….and also….

b) I realize, some of you might appreciate knowing the thought and research that’s gone into the fee so it supports the program running and isn’t so low you hardly care about participating if you join and I have to go get another job on the side.

I’m starting with (b) first.

You might think because it’s easier…..but it’s because it’s harder.

I’d prefer to skip this part.

Share my research?

I confess, I often squirm when talking about money. It took me about three years just to feel comfortable charging $50 for one hour-long session. When the going rate for counseling and coaching was at least double that. Or triple.

Seriously. Even though I’ve paid close to $50,000 for my own training and graduate education. Gulp.

So, here’s what I’m aware of when it comes to (b) and why the fee is the way it is, or how the decision got made.

Looking at costs of programs in personal awareness, stress reduction, inner freedom, meditation or mindfulness (the topics of Year of Inquiry)….

When I was in therapy I went to see my therapist once a week. I had parents who took a loan to help me pay for it. I might have died without their help.

The same therapist’s fee is $125 per session today (I’d tell you what my parents paid but I actually can’t remember, it was 20+ years ago). That’s a middle-range fee for a therapist where I live. Lots of them charge more.

After a time of individual sessions, I entered the same therapist’s group therapy program, $370 per month 20+ years ago. Health insurance paid for part of it. I had a job and paid for the rest.

It was as much as my monthly apartment rent.

When I was in a coach training program, I had a personal coach.

The normal fee for a coach–having conversations about life, goals, meaning, focus and success–was $700 per month, for 4 one hour sessions. No insurance paid for it.

In the 1980s I attended the “est” program. I don’t remember the fee.

But I signed up to repeat the program last year, just to see what had changed and because I love deeper inquiry. The program was $575 for 3 days for newcomers (even though it had been almost 30 years, I got it a half price). The Advanced program was $875 for 3 days plus optional follow up meetings for 10 weeks.

Transformational programs that I’ve taken, including Byron Katie’s 9 day school, are over $5000. For nine days.

Many spiritual retreats with teachers I find full of integrity, care, and love are $1000 for five days at the very least. I know some of that goes to accommodations and food, but that’s the price to go on the retreat. You need to pay it all, you can’t sleep in your tent.

A fabulous sounding leadership program I was reading all about only a few weeks ago has three 3-day retreats, that’s it. No telephone sessions in between, no private sessions one-on-one. The fee is $7900 for the year.

An online mindfulness program lasting 10 weeks, with 10 weekly telecalls, and one 6 hour online retreat for all the participants I looked at six months ago was $1600.

Business support related work, which is about money and marketing and services, is in a whole different ball park. One year programs often cost $25K. Online video courses cost $1997.

Woah, right?

For Year Of Inquiry, anyone who signs up for the telecalls only (no retreats) for the entire year pays $1697.

As a part of YOI, you get invited to a lot of additional programs (most of my 8 week classes, as a bonus) for no extra fee.

The Year of Inquiry with retreats costs $2497 for the entire year, and this includes two full 3 day retreats, plus the 3 group telecalls every single week for 3 weeks out of every month.

The fee for both full YOI, or telecall-only YOI, also includes up to four solo sessions with me.

I call them “9-1-1” sessions, meaning, when you’re stuck, or you feel confused, or you have a big thing you’re going through and you need individual attention and time, you’ve got it from me if you want it.

YOI also has a forum where everyone is a member, a google group so it’s super private (not facebook) and when people share, they can receive messages via email.

YOI members get to ask questions of the whole group, reach out for support or find extra partners when they want one-on-one help, and offer their experiences when they find something great (like an awesome insight or a link to a Byron Katie interview).

When I researched many programs, and thought long and hard about monthly support and what I would pay if I were enrolling (and what I have actually paid for others’ advice and support) I came in lower on purpose, so I could really feel comfortable about the worth of the program, the energy of it, how much someone might have to “work” at a job in order to pay the fee each month.

I did this because of my own stressful beliefs about charging for things that don’t have “results” or guaranteed outcomes but are on someone’s own time and own evolving process.

I also thought about my own “work” and attention and care, and what kind of time I spend planning, updating, responding to, being with all the fabulous people who join YOI.

On practical notes about life costs, I thought about regular services many of us have for day-to-day living, and what you feel like you “get” for these services.

Where I live, my internet bill is $154 a month, my garbage pick-up is $75, if I go see a doctor for 20 minutes it’s $150, my self-employed health insurance is $560 per month (I have a few stressful thoughts about this one, we’ll talk about that later).

When I’ve gotten medical body work for injuries I had two years ago, the fee is $160 for one hour (he always went overtime a little). It was really important, my leg and back were hurting so much.

And what have I received from supported inquiry, from doing The Work?

It may be up there, for me personally, in the highest value of anything I’ve ever done.

It’s actually priceless, I almost can’t even come up with any number.

It’s infinitely worth it.

But you’ve got to set an actual earth-world price, a fee that’s manageable for me, for people enrolled, for the costs of the program to be covered.

What it feels like with this fee is quite honestly, the most fair, simple amount I could possibly imagine for both myself and for everyone who joins.

Even though it’s basically all made up.

The fee isn’t for the love, or the joy, or the learning, or the care, and not even for the time all added up in hours.

These things just don’t have a price tag.

I’ve gotten more from inquiry practice than from my master’s degree program that cost about $25,000 in the 1990s. That program was fantastic and I recommend it to people still today. Somewhere along the way, the story of “college degrees” brought degrees to cost more.

What else to consider when it comes to researching?

How about costs to run a program?

Having my business involves paying for teleconference services, paying for tons of technology programs and services, rentals, materials, and of course hundreds of hours of time spent with experts, practice groups, feedback, education, inquiry, meditation, group work, research, courses, and training.

All I know is….

I keep following the silence within….

….and it continues pulsing and flowing and offering whatever comes next….

….whether its a new person to hold in inquiry and love, or a new situation to feel what freedom means for me as a human being, or a new way to be a part of the Peace Movement and to help dissolve suffering for myself and for others.

Which is genuinely happening.

It’s incredible.

Evolution, awakening, joy and mystery is here, at our fingertips.

If you feel it’s beyond your reach, I remember this feeling so I can guide (maybe).

I love being a regular, normal, mediocre 54 year old woman who suffered deeply and once felt like death-warmed-over, and now feels astonished every day by the beauty of everything I see, and every step I take.

This is available to everyone.

Which brings me after all this explanation and consideration, which I may never do again by the way, to talking about (a) above…..

…..My own stressful thoughts about money, charging, receiving, not having enough, being selfish, worrying about expenses for other people or for myself.

These are the most important questions and concerns, really.

And fortunately, I know what to do with them.

The Work.

Being free turns out to mean questioning every story about money I’ve ever told and ever believed down to my bones.

I’ve gotten to question what does “expensive” mean?

I’ve questioned what does cheap mean, poor mean, rich mean?

I got to sit in the chair with Katie facilitating me on money.

What does “money” mean? Why does it hurt to part with it, or ask for it, or receive it, or wish for it when it’s not here?

What does survival, and needing, and craving, and longing, and contributing or giving money really mean for me?

What does receiving, and storing, charging and transferring, asking and accepting money mean?

What if money was just a symbol changing hands, moving?

What if I wasn’t against money?

What if I wasn’t for money?

What if it was perfectly OK for someone to talk with me about not having enough money for YOI (it is) and what they can spend?

OK to say yes, say no, every situation unique and worthy of consideration.

Am I sure I have to be careful?

No.

Byron Katie has a little saying she offers with laughter when talking about LOVE for someone else.

“I do, I don’t, I do, I do, I don’t.”

It’s the same with money.

I love it, I don’t love it, I hate it, I could care less about it, I forget about it, I love it, I don’t.

Ideas about it move and range all over the place.

I notice, I’m still here, I am safe no matter what money is doing or not doing, and money is safe with me, and we’re way more friendly with each other than we used to be.

It’s a beautiful relationship. With no guarantees.

Kind of like Reality.

But who changed…..me? Or money?

That would be…..me.

I’m pretty sure money is still doing exactly what it was created to do from the beginning.

I say yes to giving the world my time, my attention, my participation, my contact. I say yes to receiving enough, to being with myself (which is also you) and accepting, forgiving, resting with all of us (which includes me).

You are guided by the same brilliant force as I am.

You have to find your own answers.

And nothing is ever required. You can do inquiry all by yourself, with no money and no programs. I’m sure of it.

Who would we be without our stories?

“After I found The Work inside myself–after it found me–I began to notice that I always had the perfect amount of money for me right now, even when I had little or none. Happiness is a clear mind. A clear and sane mind knows how to live, how to work, what emails to send, what phone calls to make, and what to do to create what it wants without fear….You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have.”~ Byron Katie

What do you do when you think something’s too expensive?

1) Research, sort, contemplate, add, subtract, easy-does-it.

2) Question your thinking.

Free yourself.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. That was a longer Grace Note than usual. If you’re new, they’ll be smaller again soon, thankfully.

P.P.S. Year of Inquiry has a deadline of August 15th for early-bird registration, and the first retreat is Sept 25-27 in Seattle in a beautiful private home. The retreat is open to anyone (not just people in YOI). Click HERE if you’re interested in the fall retreat.

July 30, 2015

You Should Be Doing More Meaningful Work….Right?

questionyourstory — Who would you be without your stressful story about what you do?

I am amazed by Summer Camp For The Mind inquiries.

People are bringing such sweet, incredible, deeply thoughtful, moving and definitely stressful beliefs to this circle.

Maybe its the opportunity to do inquiry every single day, maybe its the people involved….

….probably both.

Yesterday, a profoundly stressful thought came up for inquiry.

I’m not doing the right kind of work in my life.

Over there…..those other people?

They’re doing more meaningful things. They’re helping the poor. They’re working in hospice. They’re living off the land. They’re getting out of the rat race. They’re volunteering. They’re giving inspirational speeches. They’re spreading good news.

They’re earning a good living….or, they don’t care about earning a living.

They’re more creative, or helpful. They’re great teachers. They’re changing lives. They’re meditating! They’re facilitators of The Work!

Ouch.

Hold your horses.

Let’s do The Work.

The lovely inquirer who brought this thought about her work to inquiry is a literature teacher.

Inside I thought…..really?

What would we do without all the incredible stories of the world and all the authors of all kinds of literature, throughout history? All the juicy writing that inspires, distracts, moves people to the depths of their being?

Yet, I’ve had these kinds of thoughts all my life about jobs I was in, work I was doing, even subjects I was studying.

It’s not “it”. This isn’t quite right. I should be doing something else.

Something else better and more……more…..different.

I once worked as a janitor at night. I cleaned an industrial kitchen all by myself, a big cavernous dark place. When I came in, I clicked the lights on with a big thunk.

I swept underneath the huge metal chopping and assembling tables. The same pieces of carrots, bread crusts, fruit peelings, and flour off the floor every Saturday night.

Once it was swept clean, I got out this big floor sprayer machine and put in all the soap and washing liquid and scoured the floor, back and forth, back and forth spraying everything spotless. Then, I rinsed the floor with the same machine, back and forth, back and forth.

I got paid exceptionally well. It was a hard-labor job and gave me fantastic money during college. I never talked with anyone, I was free to come and go within a window those Saturday nights. I got to take college courses other days of the week. I got to listen to music. I was never afraid, angry or in any arguments…no one else was there. It was simple.

What a fantastic job!

Who would I be without the belief the job was a waste of time, or not good enough, or meaningless, or not “it”?

What if whatever you’re doing IS it?

It doesn’t mean you don’t change what you’re doing tomorrow, or take one tiny baby step towards moving on, right now.

“Only be earnest and honest. The shape it takes hardly matters….It is the true motive that matters, not the manner….Meet your own self. Be with your own self, listen to it, obey it, cherish it, keep it in mind ceaselessly. You need no other guide.” ~ Nisargadatta

The brilliant and infinite way work and jobs and activities appear is astonishing and stunning.

What if every single thing is perfect, as it is. Nothing better, nothing worse.

I notice I don’t clean industrial kitchens any more, but that was the most perfect job of silence and movement anyone could have asked for.

What if you do not need to “do” anything more. What if it is being handled by reality itself?

What if this is it? And then, five minutes later, also it?

Who would I be without my ideas that something else is better than this?

Can I find turnarounds, and good reasons for this job that I apparently, do?

I am doing the right kind of work in my life.

I am not doing the right kind of play in my life.

Work is rightly doing me, in life.

Work is doing itself.

Life is doing itself, through me.

I am….and all that follows hardly matters.

You need no other shape.

You need no other guide.

And if you want to question your stressful thoughts, as a practice, whatever shape or form they take, then Year of Inquiry (YOI) starts in September.

Click HERE to read about it. (You can fill out the information form if you want to join). Please feel free to reply to this email if you’d like to talk by phone, try a free Summer Camp session, or have any special questions. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

Much love, Grace

July 29, 2015

Who Is Deciding If Something’s “Worth It”?

Year of Inquiry (YOI) starts in September! Click HERE to read about it. (You can fill out the information form if you want to join).

Here are a few answers to your questions:

you have sixty days to experience YOI and if you don’t like it or something changes for you, yes you can withdraw
there are two men who are signing up so far (in other words, it’s not only women, although….majority women for sure)
inquiry telecalls are Tuesdays 5 pm, Weds noon, and Thurs 9 am all Pacific time
yes, you can make payments over the year (you get a pretty big break if you pay everything at the beginning)

******

Every year, I learn so much about the YOI process and what works for people and what doesn’t.

I ask people for feedback regularly, I really love it.

I find out what works for them and what doesn’t work for them, I get a real sense of what works for me and what doesn’t.

Here’s an interesting thing that has appeared every year in YOI for the past three years:

Some people show up at every call, hardly ever missing a single one, and sharing their process online with others (we have a private google forum)….

….and some people stop joining the calls regularly, maybe they slowly dwindle over time, maybe they simply stop joining live and listen to the recordings instead (as two people began to do this year).

It’s good to know if you like telecalls in inquiry, but you can’t know absolutely everything, even about your own self!

You can’t really always know how something goes for you, until it’s over.

In fact, maybe you NEVER know how something is for you until it’s over.

A couple of years ago, I enrolled in a one-year program (I’ve taken a ton of classes in every kind of format you could imagine, I love learning).

There were three retreats planned in various parts of the country, and small group telecalls mostly Q and A in between.

This was not an inquiry or inner-work process, it was a program to work on your business.

It was the most money I had spent on learning in awhile, since graduate school actually.

I had great expectations.

I have done enough of my own work in life to know, I am the one who ultimately runs my own program.

If something’s not going the way I really want, I need to step up and ask for help, or research and explore what’s happening so I can understand it, or make changes, or brainstorm OR…..do The Work and question my thinking, my expectations, my “plans”.

But. I got all that.

And at the end of that year, I wasn’t satisfied.

I actually felt like the fee wasn’t worth it, I wasted my money, I wish I would have decided differently.

Except, maybe not really.

I notice, those are very stressful thoughts.

There’s no way I could have known what it would really be like, how it would play out, and where I’d be by the end of that year.

What a great experience to inquire into:

That experience wasn’t worth the price.

I had this same thought once about a fancy-pants dinner I took my husband out to. A five-star restaurant.

After the bill came, I was almost angry.

Seriously? $215? For two people to eat?

This was my idea, I made reservations, I planned the surprise….so I wasn’t going to say anything. (Although you guessed it, I eventually did, since I talk with my husband about everything. We laughed).

Who would I be without the thought that something needs to be “worth it”?

What does “worth it” look like anyway?

Joy, happiness, wealth, improvement, some kind of result?

What would that be like, to not have the belief that I need to get a specific result, or have a certain kind of experience, in order to appreciate the cost of something?

I notice, I love the actual practice and contact and experience and sharing going on.

I remember considering this about graduate school long ago.

What if I never use my degree?

For some reason, it didn’t matter. I loved the students, the professors, the environment, the things we were exploring, the information.

I knew it was “worth it” even if I got hit by a bus the day after graduating (which took an extra three years, by the way, since I had a baby).

Who am I without the belief that something I’ve already paid for in the past wasn’t “worth it”?

I’d notice that what I’ve always been doing when signing up for something, or enrolling in a program, or going out to dinner, or making a purchase….

….is seeking greater expansion, greater happiness and satisfaction.

And I learned soooooo much at that program I thought wasn’t worth it.

Even though I missed many of the telecalls.

I met incredible people, I listened and took notes, I noticed thoughts I could question and took them to inquiry, I connected with others and shared myself, I felt a huge amount of joy and happiness, adventure and caring.

It’s OK I didn’t sign up for another year, or take a program of equal price again.

I knew not to.

I relaxed, and stopped pushing myself so hard in business and work.

Turning the thought around: it WAS worth it, my THINKING wasn’t worth it, I wasn’t worth it to THEM (the people running the program).

I see, there is no way to measure the worth in dollars.

It’s trading this amazing energy called money for attention, time and expertise. I like that arrangement.

I appreciate all the staff and the awareness and history those people had, who were offering and running the program. There may still be ways I don’t even know yet that I am benefitting.

My thoughts about money and measuring things in worth were definitely not worth it.

Rejecting money, keeping money, being upset about paying money, thinking there’s not enough money or I have to be so careful and frightened about money….all very un-worth it.

And who is the decider here, anyway?

Who is the one chattering away about worth?

And yes, I can find examples of how I wasn’t worth it to all the people running that “expensive” program. I was shy and didn’t share and jump in as much as I could, I don’t talk it up much now, I hold them as separate and more active in their businesses than I am, bigger and more successful.

If there really are no mistakes, and I can find the great lighthearted joy in not focusing on worth then all that was, was an experience.

Who would I be without the belief that I know what “worth it” looks like or feels like?

I’d notice what I want, and trade money for it (if I have the money) and stay open to what happens. I’d notice what I don’t want, and say no.

It’s much lighter this way.

Money flowing in, out, here, there, up, down, towards and away and noticing like breath, it’s the same.

Just because I went out to dinner and did a program, doesn’t mean I “lost” anything.

All I see now, after questioning, is gaining.

“Where does your sanity, your sense of self, your peace of mind, really come from? What does it really depend on? Money’s not insignificant to that story. It’s right in the middle of it. All your stuff around money is learned, it’s learned. It comes from somewhere, and it’s very rarely that we chose it…..You didn’t choose your prejudice, you inherited it.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money and The Soul’s Desires

“Nothing comes until she needs it, nothing goes until it’s no longer needed. She is very clear about this. Nothing is wasted; there’s never too much or too little. She doesn’t expect results, because she has no future. She realizes the efficiency, the necessity of the way of it, how full it is, how rich, beyond any concept she could have of what it should be.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

July 26, 2015

Are You SURE You Should Buy It? Spending worries?

guiltyspend — Are you guilty if you spend?

The other day a friend shared with me her former husband’s sarcastic text about her upcoming vacation.

“I guess you’re not broke.”

I instantly was personally defending my friend, when I heard of this text, without speaking a word out loud.

That guy makes ten times as much money as my friend! He goes on a minimum of two luxury vacations a year. He demands his 12% payment from her for sports and medical fees for their kids. He ignores her at every extended family event.

He should CHILL OUT!!! Jeezus!!

How could anyone get so unhappy about money? How could anyone be such a jerk, such a victim, and keep it going for ten years (he’s been paying child support this long)?

But I watched my mind flare up, and I watched the passion to believe.

Almost like someone is beckoning seductively.

Come on over here.

This is a really juicy one. You can get VERY upset about that nasty ex-husband of your friend (who you’ve never even met, by the way) and give it a good run, even for ten minutes.

Come on, let’s go.

Have a reaction, have a war….you can do it!

I felt a surge of energy in my chest and heart.

And then, so strange. (Because my mind is a little disappointed….no someone’s-been-done-wrong story? Awww…..)

Even as I saw the pictures and felt the force of energy against this phantom ex-husband I’ve never met….

….I felt compassion for this man, who didn’t want to get a divorce in the first place, and how terribly angst-ridden and sad he is about his loss.

He’s still angry.

He’s still upset, confused.

His life didn’t go the way he worked so hard for it to go.

And….if I read his words, in the most simple way, without emotion or stories attached….they are actually true.

My friend has felt, as I did, like she was dead broke following divorce, and then living paycheck to paycheck.

But she’s not! She can go on this vacation!

Don’t we all know it’s a terrible strain to live paycheck to paycheck, counting your pennies after mortgage, car payment, groceries and phone bill?

I can’t do anything extra! I can’t do anything luxurious. I can’t go out to eat like other people. I can’t buy anything that isn’t completely justified and required for survival. I can’t take workshops or retreats. I can’t enroll in special programs. I can’t buy fancy clothing. I can’t give to charity. I can’t…..

I can’t allow my money to go from here, in my bank account, to there….unless it’s, 1) a clear benefit to my well-being and improvement, or 2) required for my children’s happiness or, 3) I owe it from previous debt, or 4) a gift to someone who needs it more than me (which is a lot of people….I should be more grateful on top of all this!)

The thing is, my friend felt guilty before her former-husband even texted a word.

I know, because she had talked about it as she made plans for the vacation, decided to do it, figured out how to pay for it, and packed her bags.

It’s really, really painful feeling guilty about something that costs money, when you believe you do not deserve it, money is scarce in your life, and you better stay safe.

What to do?

I’m going on vacation myself, and I notice some of the very same thoughts.

I should stick around and keep working.

I’m going to need to prepare for Year of Inquiry and other fall events. I really need to tweak my website more after the overhaul not long ago. I need to make sure I’m ready for Eating Peace retreats. I need to map out my 2016 invitations.

I can’t leave town! I have to concentrate, stay with the program, focus!

Sigh.

Who would you be without the belief that you shouldn’t spend your money on that thing that brings you pleasure?

Something unusual. An interesting item to buy. A learning experience. Something that supports your life, your growth, your awareness.

It doesn’t have to be big. This can be ever so small.

Who would you be without the belief you shouldn’t dive in and go ahead and spend?

Especially if it’s clear you won’t go into debt or compromise your own sense of integrity.

I’m not saying throw all caution to the wind and go crazy buying a yacht.

But this is like my friend’s vacation.

She’s thought about it for several years. She’s actually trading some work for part of it. She’s getting low-cost fees and deals for buying way in advance, or sharing expenses with a whole group.

If you actually have the money to spend (and sometimes, its great to spend what you don’t actually have and to borrow, with integrity)….

….even if it’s a very small purchase by comparison….

….who would you be without the belief that you’re in danger if you trade your money for something you’re quite sure will bring you something you deeply value?

True, it’s not guaranteed.

But if you can question your beliefs, even as your luggage gets lost, your plane gets cancelled, your partner gets sick, you miss the train, the weather sucks….

….who would you be without the belief it has to go perfectly in order to be of value, to be of importance, or to be “worth it”?

Who would you be without the belief you are taking a HUGE RISK by spending some money?

Deep breath.

Wow.

I’d realize money comes in, goes out, comes here, goes there.

I’d recognize I can make the best decision possible at any moment. I can involve myself in wild unusual activities, like signing up for something really fascinating, or visiting a place very, very far away.

Without the belief it will be an emergency if I spend “x” amount of money, I notice there’s lightness on the money coming in, too.

What if safety is not an issue?

What if I can ask for what I need, and wait?

What if a former husband says “I guess you’re not broke”?

It’s true.

I’m OK. I’m not broke. I’m whole. Mended. Put together. Making a choice.

I’m alive, enjoying planet earth, trading money for things I find important, pleasant, necessary, and wonderful.

Whether its food, or a learning program, or a book, or a house.

Not frantic, buying something quick before I have “nothing” again in the near future, not grabbing for crumbs, not going into debt, not desperate.

Easy. Free. Not beating yourself up for feeling anxious, undeserving, worried.

Letting everything be here.

“Defense is the first act of war…..Without you, how can I know the places in me that are unkind and invisible? You bring me to myself….If you say one single thing that I have the urge to defend, that thing is the very pearl waiting inside me to be discovered.” ~ Byron Katie

What did my friend need to realize, and I mean deeply realize within that she had not seen before?

That she was not broke, but thriving, adventurous, courageous, independent, strong and that she actually has all she needs, in order to be happy.

Maybe you have enough, too?

No matter how much it is.

“Questioning the thought that arises when you hit a bump in your life can radically change the quality of your whole existence.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

May 8, 2015

Are You Comparing Apples and Oranges Again?

comparison — one of these is better than the other….is that true?

I was in a lecture by a dynamic, inspiring motivational speaker about working for yourself.

I had actually spoken on the phone to her before, and taken one of her classes. I liked her. She was really fascinating, actually. How wonderful to hear her amazing story of success.

Until.

Wait. How much money did she just say she made in her first year of being in business for herself? Are you kidding me?

How come she got so successful?

What am I doing wrong?

I made a tenth of what she made in my first year of business. One TENTH. I could barely live on it.

There’s no comparison really.

Plus I think she’s about 25 years younger.

In literally a matter of 60 seconds, I was making plans to go live in Pema Chodron’s monastery next year and throw in the towel.

This is ridiculous. I’ll never get “it”.

There’s no point in going on!!

Have you ever felt the Drama-Queen Extremes?

I jest, but I know the feeling of comparing yourself to someone “better” than you can be quite brutal, debilitating and low.

It’s not all that funny, when you’re in the middle of it.

But who would you be without the thought that you should just give it all up and quit, cash out in despair?

Who would you be without the belief you should push on, never give up, and bore yourself like a drill into your plan of success?

Who would you be without your thoughts? Your comparisons? Your fears of the future? Your regrets of the past?

What would it feel like, in this moment right now as you read these words, to consider neither giving up nor pressing on?

“Normally we try to relax beyond our circumstances. We try to transcend our experience. We try to find truth. We try to wake up. But just imagine the relief you could feel having zero task. You can’t make yourself relax, you can’t make yourself let go, you can’t make yourself tight, you can’t make yourself restricted. The relief to being resigned or relinquished to resting in your experience is immeasurable.” ~ Ross Oldenstadt

Huh?

But WOW.

Suddenly *click* (or maybe more like *kapow!*) I am in this moment noticing faces, sound, voices, air, colors, joy, being this, not being that, being this instead, relating, connecting.

Noticing gratitude, and laughter, at all the compulsive comparing and planning and efforts to not-effort.

Truly, nothing to do. Nowhere to go.

Turning the thoughts around: Making that much money is not required for success. I am not doing it wrong. I am doing it right. I am not “doing” it. The amount of money I have is success. The amounts of monies coming and going have nothing to do with success or lack of success.This life has gone this way, just right.

So glad life moved me into a moment of hearing a speaker that reminded me of comparison that reminded me of inquiry that reminded me of peace and nothing-but-now.

I am alive, I am breathing, I am typing, I sit on a beautiful and comfortable white couch, I laugh at my mind, I feel what’s here that is not a thinking brain, I relax, I celebrate these fairy tales all around me including big happy wild accomplishment stories and big fat failure stories, I notice I’m having a lot of fun with this whole success work-for-yourself thing.

Once upon a time….

Much love,

Grace

P.S. Even though its Mother’s Day, I’m offering a 3 weeks of Sunday sessions doing The Work on Money on 5/10, 5/17 and 5/24 from 9-11 am Pacific Time. By donation. Every session will be recorded….click HERE if you want access to the recordings, to join on any call, or participate with this powerful freedom work.