I have to make more money.
Recently I sat in a small inquiry circle and someone brought up this thought.
We decided to take a look and investigate.
As I heard, contemplated, and felt the belief “I have to make more money” I reflected on when I have had this thought in my life to the point of desperation, or terror, or fury, or sadness.
I remembered sitting on my couch in my little cottage about 7 years ago holding my mortgage bill, due in one week.
I had $10.16 in my bank account.
The numbers on the bill said around $2000 was due.
Now.
If not paid within 7 days, it would be late, and a late charge would be added (I had never had this added before in my life).
I googled “foreclosure”.
I found out you have 3 months of not paying before they come in with the sirens, or whatever happens when you “foreclose”.
What you think is your house becomes the bank’s house.
I had been applying for jobs for many months. I had gone to many interviews.
I was waiting to hear from one job in particular. But even if I heard the news “you’re hired!” I wouldn’t have $2000 in 7 days.
It seemed hopeless.
There was absolutely no way to get the money for the mortgage. I would be starting the beginning of the 3-late-payments-to-foreclosure process in a week.
This seemed the most likely scenario, if we’re really being honest here.
I had already borrowed from family, I had taken out loans, I had maxed out a credit card, I had sold most things I owned of worth, I had even tried to sell this house (despite being terribly sad to not have a home)….and not had any offers that would cover my mortgage loan with the sale.
My conversation with the universe went something like…..
….”What else do you want me to DO? I have to keep this house! I have to earn more money!”
The thing is…..
…..I had inquiry in my life.
I knew enough to be aware that I was killing myself internally with the stressful thought that things must go the way I wanted.
Let my will be done.
Notice the key word…..”my”.
Not the will of Reality (if it has a will), not the will of God.
Mine.
Here are some other stressful thoughts I’ve had about money during my lifetime.
You might relate.
- storing money brings safety and security for the future
- if I’m not making money, I’m doing something wrong
- I should care about service I give, not money I receive
- wealth is having lots of money
- poverty is lacking money
- being without money is dangerous
- the money I have or receive is mine
- the money I give or pay is theirs
- money is _______ (see what happens when you describe money)
The stories about money and what it’s doing are so deep, and can be excruciatingly painful, and also, very hidden.
But let’s take a look at that one repetitive thought, the one I remembered having that time sitting on the couch, with a vengeance.
I could still find it existing inside me, just not so intense as before.
I have to make more money.
Is that true?
Yes. Duh. Who doesn’t want more money?
But can I absolutely know it’s true that I have to make more money?
Hmmmm. I may be screaming in my head that I LIKE more money, but not necessarily that I have to make more of it.
I don’t know this to be absolutely true.
But it sounds kinda dumb to even entertain the idea that I don’t have to make it at all.
I mean, what are my other options for obtaining money (note the assumption still alive and well that money must be gotten, or made, or saved, or kept)?
Besides making money…..there’s the lottery, an inheritance, a surprise gift, winning it, money growing on the tree in my back yard (little joke), a trust fund, stumbling upon a hidden buried treasure.
Making money means working for it, trading something valuable for it, offering something worthy for it, doing something important for it, creating something appreciated for it.
It seems practically absolutely true, or waaaaay more likely, that I would make money rather than get it another one of these ways.
Funny how even though we know this, something seems more appealing (you can question this) about the other ways besides earning that people get money.
How do you react when you believe you have to make money, or more of it if you’re already making it?
Super stressful, you may have noticed.
There’s scheming to think of ways to increase your work load, your salary, your time management. Plans to achieve, save, earn, earn, earn, invest, analyze future projections.
You may give up other things you love, like exercising, playing, doing things for no good reason, being artistic, hanging out with friends, dating.
With the thought that you have to earn….you may work your butt off now and think about how later you’ll be resting in retirement.
Some day, you’ll relax.
You may resent something about all this.
No matter how much you have.
All you notice is, the thought brings stress, not peace.
Now…..
…..who would you be without the belief that you have to make more money?
Some people feel frightened of entertaining this idea.
If I gave up the thought I have to earn more money, I would lay on the floor all day eating, dozing off, drooling.
I’d lose everything! I’d live on the street! I wouldn’t be safe! I wouldn’t have health insurance!
Must worry! Must keep nose to grindstone! Must EARN!
But if you really allowed yourself to explore what it would be like to not “have to” earn more money?
You still get to love what you love, without the thought.
It doesn’t mean you have to love being homeless (unless you are, or do).
For me, without the belief I have to earn money…..
…..I simply notice a wild, passionate, excited, sweet, powerful energy of LOVING making contact with money, and humanity, and life.
Call it work, OK.
Every job I’ve ever had has brought me face-to-face with people I needed to find resolve with.
Every job I’ve ever had has pressed me to wake up, invited me to expand beyond the smaller picture I have of myself as someone who can’t handle it.
Every job I’ve ever had invited me to end my stand as a victim, as someone working alone–the sole provider of my own support.
In that moment where I looked at the impossible mortgage bill due, and my midget sized bank account, and could sit without the thought that I needed to make more money….
….I found acceptance, and then, gratitude.
I do not need to make more money. I need to make less money. I need to make more of myself. Money needs to make more of me.
In that situation, the need for money WAS making more of me.
It was inviting me, passionately pleading for me to make more of myself. To trust, honor, love and feel the leadership energy inside myself.
I saw in that moment how it would be an amazing experience to lose my house and move in with my mother, and relax, and accept what was happening.
It was a bit crazy, right after complete and total acceptance of my financial situation, when I was given a gift of my entire mortgage, plus living expenses, from an unexpected and surprise donation from friends and family from literally all over the world for my birthday, which happened to be that week.
(Wait, I don’t get to go through this grand experiment of learning to love moving in with my mom again?)
What thoughts can YOU turn around about money, and all the associated stressful beliefs you think are locked in place forever?
- storing money does NOT bring ANY safety and security for the future (there is no guaranteed future, not even tomorrow)
if I’m not making money, I’m thinking something wrong - I should care about money and service equally
- wealth is feeling love, trust, comfort and peace when it comes to anything (including money)
- poverty is feeling suspicion, distrust, emptiness and stress when it comes to anything (including money)
- being without money is exciting, being with money is dangerous (sometimes just as true), being with my thinking is dangerous
- money is not mine or theirs or owned by anyone (it’s flowing in and out like a beautiful tide, and I have my part in it, like breathing air)
- money is _______ (see what happens when you take all the troubling ways you describe money and turning them to the opposite! My thinking has those difficult qualities!)
“Mankind owns four things that are no good at sea; rudder, anchor, oars, and the fear of going down.” ~ Antonio Machado
Fear of going down….
….this is all I could think about before, holding that mortgage statement in my hand that day before inquiry.
After inquiry, oh good….this is going down.
After inquiry, oh good….a loss becomes something brilliant, unexpected, unplanned, genius.
After inquiry, oh good….feeling the astonishment of money doing whatever it does, and knowing it’s not personal, or required.
“You didn’t make the rain or the sun or the moon. You have no control over your lungs or your heart or your vision or your breath. One minute you’re fine and healthy, the next minute you’re not. When you try to be safe, you live your life being very, very careful, and you may wind up having no life at all.” ~ Byron Katie in 1000 Names For Joy
Much Love,
Grace