I need more money. I need a relationship. I need to be different. I can’t handle this…..are you sure?
It’s released.Peace Talk Episode 113: The WORST that could happen if I lose all my money, have no money, lose my house and everything money pays for…..is….what?
Today I share with you my worse case scenario fear when my finances were drained, I was about to lose my house, bills were due, I was 80K in debt….and what happened when I did The Work.
I got the amazing privilege of volunteering for the Help Line for The Work this past month for about five hours. (I know my schedule has been erratic with the Help Line, I’ll be back though).
Guess what the most common stressful belief centered around, from all the amazing people I got to sit with in self-inquiry?
Money.
Here were some of the situations and very stressful beliefs I heard:
my renter shouldn’t be late with the rent
the person sub-letting for the summer just cancelled last minute
he didn’t repay the loan fast enough
I can’t afford to do the program I want to do
my parents just said they can’t support me anymore
I can’t pay my bills
I’ve had each and every one of these thoughts.
Something’s happening with money, and it means….
….I’m screwed.
My survival is threatened. My security is at risk. Change might be coming along, and it isn’t safe.
Let’s look, though. It’s so powerful to pause and see what’s really true.
Are you absolutely sure this money situation is a threat? Are you going to die? Are you positive you might not be safe….or you already aren’t safe?
Do you really need more money?
Are you sure you’d be happy if you suddenly won the lottery, or had a “windfall” on a project you’re working on?
(The word “windfall” refers to trees blowing down in the wind making the fruit available, or the wood available, to anyone walking by. Literally, it’s unexpectedly acquired resources, or money, blown in by nature.)
Do you need more money?
In my mind, I still can answer “yes”.
It seems like it would be super crazy fun to have more money. I could get started on fixing my house, I could pay off my mortgage, I could buy my daughter new clothes for college, I could support my husband who’s about to lose his current job in 2 weeks, I could save some money for my retirement.
There’s so much more. I could do ALL those things! I would be happier if I could do ALL those things!
Really?
Oh. Well, I’m not sure. Maybe not.
I have no idea if I’d actually be truly happy just because I could DO things, or accomplish things, or create physical things, or acquire things.
In fact, I’m pretty sure they are NOT tied together….doing these things, getting these things….and happiness.
How do you react when you think you need more money, or tons of money would make you happy?
I focus on it all the time and have no fun.
Relationships are the same way sometimes. If you have no partner, and you believe having one would make you happy….you focus on finding the “right soul mate person” all the time, and find single-ness no fun.
Or what about spiritual enlightenment and seeking the “Truth”? I grab and listen and read and consume spiritual teachings and retreats and workshops and knowledge….focusing on finding “it”, and finding my present state of mind not all that fun.
But who would you be without this story that having that thing (money, person, success, enlightenment, windfall, etc) would bring you happiness?
Haha!
It makes me laugh out loud suddenly.
Without the thought, I’d be noticing the room I’m in, the environment surrounding me. I’d sense the present moment more, feeling whatever’s here, and noticing….this is important….noticing I’m quite alright. I’m not starving, I’m not dying, I’m not cold, I have a place to sleep.
Turning it around: Nothing is threatening me. What if there are great things about losing it all, not having possessions, not striving to “get” stuff or “understand” stuff or “acquire” a partner or dollars or enlightenment?
Could it be my thinking is threatening me? I need more of me (not money). I need more peace, love, resting, enjoying my own company, enjoying this adventure.
Money needs more of me. Could this also be true? It’s waiting for me to come forward, to be intimate with it, to share myself and appreciate it and me, equally.
What I notice about Money is, it’s not attached to where it goes. It travels here, there, parting, uniting, leaving, staying, going, coming back. Nice to know my worth does not depend on its whereabouts.
That would be crazy.
“When you’re empty, there’s space for revelation, for spontaneity, for intuitiveness. Everything’s fresh. Get ready for that.” ~ Mooji
As I’ve heard Byron Katie ask others doing The Work with her….
….Your highest spiritual path, your greatest freedom, would be if you got what YOU think you want and need. Your greatest freedom would be if you got more money, or that person did it the way you want, or you achieved that status….
who would you be without your story of being trapped in failure? flying free.
Because so many people have seen me in my coach Selena’s films as a successful student, I’ve been getting a lot of feedback from many awesome people (including my mom) about how inspiring my story is.
Night before last, I went to my good friend Mary’s dance in Seattle.
When I entered the dark beautiful dance space always lit with twinkly lights, she pulled me aside and whispered “OMG! I watched your video of your interview with Selena Soo. Wow. You’ve come so far, it’s just amazing. I remember when you almost lost your house….and by the way, you should write a Grace Note blog on that. I want to read it.”
When someone tells me to write about something, I do it.
So, although I’ve mentioned bits and pieces of the time I almost lost my home and most of what I owned….I remembered it vividly last night.
I was failing terribly. When it comes to money.
As in….back then I was so broke I couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime (as my Texas grandma might say).
My financial failure was one of the worst experiences of my life.
And yet, as I say this, I know the brilliant and simple question….is that true?
Oh. Right. Not really.
The story felt awful, kept me up at night, filled me with fretting. I tried to plan and count money, watched my bank account diminish day by day. It seemed like the worst that could happen.
It went something like this:
Divorce, need to get a job, economy crash, twenty job interviews, sweating bullets, picking up a Starbucks application, awake every night at 3:30 am, borrow several thousand from a very kind family member (ashamed to ask for it, desperate), still no job, better sell house (sob), wringing hands during open houses, getting offers so low they wouldn’t pay off my mortgage anyway, sell most of what I have of value (furniture, dishes, jewelry, clothes), my kids go on reduced lunch at school, I’m eligible for food stamps but I refuse to apply, crying at night looking around my little cottage knowing the mortgage was due–again–and not having the funds.
Constant nervous energy. I learn about a dance in Seattle called Ecstatic Dance. You don’t have to talk to anyone. Good. Dance. Keep moving. I can’t afford to pay the $10, but I can trade cleaning for attending the dance.
I meet a lovely man at dance. I begin to make some new friends. No one knows how broke I am. I’m doing The Work at home on money. I’m realizing that moving into my mom’s basement might not be as bad as I think. More job interviews. One interview I get a call-back. I get interviewed a third time. Maybe I have this job….
….heart sinks a thousand miles into the earth when I learn “nope, we picked the other candidate.”
I have $10.16 left in my bank account, I am in deep debt having paid for groceries with my credit card, no one bought my house, my mortgage is due in a week. It’s my birthday in two.
The lovely man I met who I am seeing often now, the only person who knows my true situation besides my family, writes a letter to everyone in my email address book (I think it’s for my birthday when he asks).
I’m questioning my thoughts and finding maybe, just maybe, I can walk away from this home and foreclose on it, and survive the blow–although it might be hard, and a long climb out. I feel the support of the couch I still own underneath me. I feel the unknowingness of the future, the strangeness of loss, the deep sadness of having no place of my own to live.
I feel the turnaround “I have enough” even if I lose everything. Not having money does not equal death. I think of the house I grew up in, no longer in the family. I think of the house I owned with my former husband at Greenlake. I think of our big Lake Forest Park home we also used to have.
Gone, gone, and gone. I can lose this one too, and survive.
I go to dance, barely enough gas in my car to get there. The due date of my mortgage just passed. I’m a day late for the first time. Foreclosure will begin after 3 late payments.
I dance with huge energy, with abandon, nothing left to lose. I dance the turnarounds to my beliefs “I need more money” and “I am a failure” and “I am not capable of working or earning a living” and “it will be shameful to live with my mother in my forties with my two kids” and “no one wants to hire me”.
I dance my turnarounds: I do NOT need more money, I am a success, I am capable of working and earning a living, it will be wonderful to live with my mother and my kids, everyone wants to hire me.
I dance nothing being true. I dance not knowing anything.
At the end of the dance, my friend Mary says…”as usual, we’re honoring birthdays tonight….and we have a special one. Grace, could you come to the center of the circle?”
What?
I shyly walk into the center of the huge circle of dancers all holding hands. My new boyfriend steps forward, with my friend Mary, and they hand me an envelope. It’s thick, and open at the top because it can’t be closed, too puffed full.
I look inside, the room dark, aware of all eyes on me.
Money.
My eyes tear up and I hold back a choked up sob, and look up, feeling stunned, barely able to say “thank you, thank you.”
Later undoing the envelope, there are checks and bills of all amounts, and my sweetheart shows me paypal donations from friends and family I haven’t seen in years, who have all donated to a birthday bucket. For me.
I have enough to call the mortgage company the next day and say I am sending the mortgage payment, can you please withdraw the late fee? They say yes.
The day after that, I get a call from the company where I had three interviews and they tell me they’ve created a part time job and I’ve got the position, if I want it.
A few days after that, someone calls me to ask if she could hire me to facilitate her in The Work of Byron Katie–my first ever client.
What did I do for any of this?
As I look back now….all I can see is….nothing.
Nothing but question my thoughts. And tell the truth. And share with others. And not be so dreadfully serious, about money.
Later on, as I got excited about business, and needing a website, and creating curriculum, and learning technology, and working with more people, and sharing and earning and being of service, I started taking classes in things I wanted to learn about. I had the money to pay for them, so I signed up. As I learned more, I kept doing The Work.
Last year, I joined a coaching group with Selena. I was such a serious student, doing everything she mentioned without hesitation (OK, there was hesitation, and I did The Work). I loved her course because it was built for shy people, like me….and for those who wanted to grow but not be weird or gross about it.
And because of what happened, Selena interviewed me, so now I’m on the internet as one of her student examples of “success”.
Wow.
I’ve repaid every last penny of debt, except for my mortgage–which has never, ever been late (just between us, we know that’s not actually true, but the late fee was removed and no record of that fateful day in January 2009 was kept, as far as I know).
I guess losing my house entirely was not required, because that’s not what happened (my adorable cottage where many retreats have been held). I guess I’ve always needed exactly the amount of money I’ve had, not any more, or any less. I guess I didn’t need to move into my mother’s basement (we have a very loving, kind relationship now). I guess I didn’t need to even work hard or earn every penny. I guess I really don’t know much about anything and what it’s happening for.
And you know what?
My financial failure was one of the best experiences of my entire life.
The turnaround is TRUER.
I would have never, ever seen the magnificent generosity of humans when asked to help out. I would have never learned of the kindness of my own mother, my sisters, my extended family. I would have never learned of the unconditional acceptance of my boyfriend who became my husband. I would have never learned to love learning and growing so much, and to love the wild nature of having a business. I would have never learned to hold still and notice if money was really required for happiness. I would have never become so clear.
I would have never done so much that terrified me….and have it turn out fabulous.
“The Master view the parts with compassion, because he understands the whole. His constant practice is humility. He doesn’t glitter like a jewel but lets himself be shaped by the Tao, as rugged and common as a stone. ” ~ Tao Te Ching #40
Much love, Grace
P.S. Selena offered a teaching webinar earlier this week for self-employed folks. It is available for replay today only. In it are some great ideas, you might love it to assist your work if you’re an artist, coach, counselor, holistic sort. Literally, Selena will be taking her webinar down and starting her next group of Get Known Get Clients very soon (which I do recommend also).
Does it seem impossible to “get there” to peace in divorce, or peace in business? Question your thinking.
A woman I greatly admire is the late Debbie Ford, author of many books, and so passionate about opening herself up to an expanding life. The first book I read by her was Spiritual Divorce.
I read it because I was going through one.
Reading that book, and doing The Work, changed everything for me about what I was experiencing.
I could see myself in her.
She had gone through divorce. She had come out even better. She had not only made it through, but transformed into a new person.
Two big reasons why Spiritual Divorce saved my sanity stood out.
First, to call divorce “spiritual” was a fantastic turnaround. I was only a baby in The Work and had experienced so much inner suffering around loss, fear, and transitions like divorce….it was inspiring to read of someone else putting on a new pair of glasses about something I thought of as terrible, like divorce.
Second, Debbie suggested when I judge someone, or even have a quick immediate response that feels uncomfortable, I’m probably seeing something inside of me I’d rather not see.
In other words….I’m projecting.
When I meet or think of someone and I think “ewwww, gross” or “that’s disgusting” or “he is awful, selfish, uncaring” or “she is rude, passive, needy”….
….I could be rejecting something Debbie called the “shadow side” of myself. I’m looking at that other person and seeing with judgment and rejection and alarm.
My mind is saying “Never Be Like That!” as I look at this other troubling person.
Byron Katie would call your awareness of this projection aturnaround. What I dislike in you, I dislike in me.
Well….I have another area of life where in the past I felt lost, depressed, inadequate and like a failure.
Making a living.
Ugh.
Why didn’t I go to medical school? Why did I have to be such a nervous wreck once I hit my twenties and young adult-hood? Why couldn’t I work at a good company and stay there? And what about me running my own business now….can I even make it on my own?
One thing that’s been incredible, is to notice who I think of as successful, who I feel has made it, who is earning a good living, who has a respectful career, who’s doing “well”….
….and inquire into what’s really true.
What do I think they have, that I don’t?
Believe me. This was several (cough…tons) of worksheets.
Thoughts constantly surfaced as I offered my services whenever I was not directly working with people (working with people I felt good, clear and like I was following my calling). Doing all the promotional stuff, sharing my wares, spreading the word, doing speaking engagements. Yuck!
Thoughts like “I can’t talk to those people”, “I don’t have what it takes”, “they’re better than me”, “they know more”, “I’m a dork when it comes to business”, “people won’t like me”.
And if someone suggested to me I do something like share yourself honestly or talk about money openly, I thought “I can’t, I won’t, that’s embarrassing!”
Well….I’m still not entirely comfortable with the whole business, earning, money, work ethic, success story, to be honest, but I just had to share with you today that I have another mentor/coach who I’ve also learned some valuable things from, just like Debbie.
I mentioned her last weekend….Selena Soo. But here’s why I’m speaking of her again. She interviewed me after I worked with her for a year, and I just got the link.
(You can watch by clicking HERE even though the shy introverted part of me can hardly believe I’m sharing this publicly. My first professional on-camera interview, I was very honored).
This is really, truly a miraculous thing. That I would be interviewed because of my business success. Woah.
A couple of years ago, when I connected and started working with Selena, I actually began to become one of those people I always admired when it came to this definition of “success”. One of the reasons why was because Selena said she was introverted, too, and I could see it was true AND see that she was succeeding and helping people. The gap wasn’t so wide between me and her.
I could see myself in her.
Money was important and valuable, but Serving Others was what was most important about having a business or doing work in the world.
As you know, when we do The Work and question our thoughts, the place we immediately go is to our stressful beliefs. The ones we’re thinking when we feel unhappy, when we feel dread, sadness, anger or suffering.
But what I discovered along the way, especially in the business world, was that when I admired and saw someone successful and rockin’ it, it was almost always just as difficult as seeing someone as bad, wrong or unacceptable.
I know this sounds weird, but my view of myself was sometimes diminished when I saw someone as brilliant, fantastic, genius, “arrived”. They are. I’m not.
Whooo Boy. It was such a weird awakening to realize thatcomparison, even to someone I admire, was stressful.
I’ll never forget going to a huge conference for business owners, before I worked with Selena (I met her there), and being surrounded by some people who said they made $1,000,000 per month in their businesses.
WHAT??!
There were huge fancy dinners and super loud music and people hootin’ and hollerin’ and clapping, people drinking and giving high-fives and laughing and spending. And I was staying “secretly” down the road at a Motel 6.
I was NOT COMFORTABLE.
Classes and programs, coaching and groups are certainly not for everyone, and no one has to sign up for anything. I say this when people are disappointed they can’t go to The School for The Work.
But one way I’ve loved living my turnarounds is to joyfully learn from whoever I can about anything I love and just be the one who is a total beginner, with an open mind, capable of getting something new and different. I’ve loved being in so many amazing programs of education, including ones about business and money, sharing, giving, receiving, paying, charging, marketing, writing, speaking.
Today I’m passing along the encouragement, if this business is something you’d like training in, to sign up for Selena’s webinar this next week or watch my video interview above. The reason I’m sending it now is because she’s getting ready to run her group program again, the same one I took, called Get Known Get Clients. If you’re interested, you can register for her webinar (completely free) here.
And when I did The Work on that big fancy high-flying-numbers business conference I had a profound insight.
It was a very difficult experience, very intense emotionally…..
…..but I found within myself a best friend (moi) and a friendliness to the wealthy, creative, innovative, successful people of the business world who I had always judged so harshly.
I discovered I was keeping my awesomeness from THEM. I was being selfish and greedy, and creating separation with my very thinking.
Most of all, I was disconnecting from myself, being so sure I didn’t belong in their club.
“I know now when I walk in a room that everyone loves me. They just don’t realize it yet.” ~ Byron Katie
Can you imagine feeling this way 24/7? That you’re the cutest thing ever, and you’ll never leave your side, and you adore being you?
What I know to do is when I don’t…..The Work.
Much love, Grace
P.S. Breitenbush has 7 spots before we’re full and it is such a fabulous time in a gorgeous pristine forest with a tradition of hosting brilliant and wonderful people like Ram Dass. I’d adore you joining me, whether you’re wanting to work on money, success, career, neighbor, mom, dad, sibling, child, body, addiction. We dig down into our stories, the ones that when we believe them, we suffer. Doing The Work together is, quite honestly (for me and for many), nothing like doing The Work on your own. Hit reply if you have questions, about anything Breitenbush. June 22 evening through Sunday June 26 lunch.
speak, write, live, announce, share…. the invitation to people in business or those with a message for the world
I almost never talk about business-y things. As in, the help I’ve gotten to grow my own private practice.
I knew absolutely nothing about growing a business, getting clients, sharing my message, marketing. I really hated the concept of “selling” and had to find another more natural way, even after doing The Work and questioning my very stressful beliefs many times on money, income, marketing, business tech, posting, offering programs, teaching retreats, having enough clients.
I soooo wanted, with the deepest integrity, to be someone who offered services based on attraction rather than promotion (just like the approach of 12 Step programs). But even if you operate this way, with attraction as your stand, you must share with other people!
For an introverted person like me, who is content to be quiet all day long, I had a little inner work to do.
So for this weekend Grace Note….I wanted to share something I usually don’t, in case you’re interested in learning and growing in the area of business.
One of my mentors. Introducing….Selena Soo.
I’ve been working with Selena behind the scenes and she’s helped me to grow my business in a big beautiful way. And I believe she’s one of the best at what she does.
Selena’s giving away some really good material that shares the strategies, and steps she’s been teaching me.
I know I don’t normally talk about business resources, but if this is something you’re interested in learning about, here’s a link to a free report about how Selena went from $0 to $157,000 in her first year as a coach. This was definitely NOT my experience when I first opened my business and began working with people. I think I made about $1000 my first year (fortunately, I had a regular job at the same time, so I wouldn’t starve to death).
Like I said, I had a lot to learn.
Not only does Selena have the report she’s offering, she also has a video training on how she became friends with influential people, VIPs, and big deal entrepreneurs. One of the things I love the most about her style is that she describes herself as quite introverted….which is certainly me, too.
But if you’re running a business or growing a private practice, by it’s very nature you must share with others openly, connect with people, speak of your work and enjoy it when others also share your work with people they know.
I’ve learned to do this through Selena’s encouragement, and to find my own way with sharing, extroversion, and what this world calls marketing and promoting and quite simply, expanding your reach and your message and service in the world.
If you want to sign up for either Selena’s free report, or her video training, then click here and enjoy. These are offered for no fee.
“You are forgiven for your happiness and your successes only if you generously consent to share them.” ~ Albert Camus
“Ubuntu is very difficult to render into a Western language. It speaks of the very essence of being human. When we want to give high praise to someone we say, “Yu, u nobuntu” or “Hey, so-and-so has ubuntu.” Then you are generous, you are hospitable, you are friendly and caring and compassionate. You share what you have. It is to say, “My humanity is caught up, is inextricably bound up, in yours.” We belong in a bundle of life. We say, “A person is a person through other persons.” It is not, “I think therefore I am.” It says rather: “I am human because I belong. I participate, I share.” ~ Desmond Tutu
Much love,
Grace
P.S. TODAY in Seattle 2-4 pm: MEETUP in person at Goldilocks Cottage. Bring your thoughts about money, work, eating, people in your life who disturb you, your stresses about life. Beginners to experienced in The Work of Byron Katie all welcome.
Meetups are drop-in groups I offer monthly to share The Work. I just began offering an ONLINE meetup on the first Tuesday of the month at 7:45 AM Pacific Time, too. To get notices about all meetups, including the online monthly meetup, click HERE. Let’s do The Work!
We have ways to make you do that task. (Believe your thoughts)!
As someone who has a private practice, it’s weird how often I notice thoughts about Employment vs My Own Business.
The other day, one of my clients who has been working with me for a very long time, wanted to dig deeper into her thoughts about work and jobs and career.
She was at a crossroads, had been sitting there for awhile, and through the work we had done together she was wondering if she should go left, or right.
She needed to take action.
(She needed some money–although we had done quite a bit of work on that over time and she was fairly relaxed about money overall, and had a good chunk of it in the bank).
But “doing” something was calling to her.
I had her make a list about her beliefs about getting a new job, or starting her own business (she saw the choice between the two as a key dilemma, or decision).
I’ve done this work myself.
I decided to do it again, after my day was over and this client kept popping in my head.
Here are the stressful concepts I myself found when it comes to the two ways to make a living and earn money, which have been my primary options in life (so far):
Being Employed (Job):
Having Your Own Business:
Commuting
Volatile Income
Co-workers
Taxes
Required meetings
Hustling to fill retreats
Doing tedious or pointless tasks
Difficult (or irritating) clients
Must be onsite/at work
DIY (Do It Yourself or Hire It)
Five days a week
Working all hours, any time
Boring
People wanting it for free
As I sat down to make comparisons, I could see how fast the mind would like to see what’s good about that other position over there, and bad about this one.
Or….what’s good about this position here, and bad about that one over there. (I love how this comparison drops in quickly when hearing about another person’s difficult plight, or remember BAD scenarios from the past).
Every single item on each list is worthy of questioning and clearing the mind, with The Work.
But the other day, when I wrote out this list, I had an almost-aggressive feeling about the pointless, tedious tasks I used to have to perform at my previous job, as I remembered it.
Data collecting, and putting the data into an excel spreadsheet.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I loved having the data–it was quite fascinating, and I loved making the charts and looking at comparisons and sort of the big picture, and sharing them with the leaders involved who cared about these results….
….but I HATED that I had to do the data entry.
Yuck.
SUCH A DRAG! NEVER AGAIN! (Grrrr, RESIST).
Can’t someone else do this? It’s so stupid. And boring. A waste of my time.
I hate when you have a job, you’re an employee, and you have to do stuff you hate!
This is so close to the work my client did….let’s question it!
You may have had the same thought as well, about anything in life you dreaded doing, thought it was boring, thought it was repetitive, dull, annoying, even overwhelming…..
….but you HAD TO DO IT.
Is that true?
Yes. It’s in the job description. I could get fired if I don’t…..
Are you sure?
No. I’ve never told anyone how much I hate doing it. Not one single person at this company. Including my boss.
How do you react when you think “I HAVE to do this task!”
I put it off. I wait until the last minute possible. I try to think of rewards, or motivation, or what I’ll do when I’m done. I do it, and bear it rather than enjoy one ounce of it. I feel tense, and tired. I look at my co-workers and see what they’re doing, and notice it’s better (or worse).
I think about quitting. Inside my head, I actually say “when I quit, I will feel sooooooo good….” and dream of the day, in the future.
But who would I be right now, without the belief “I HAVE to do this task”?
What if you couldn’t think about how you’re forced to do it, or it’s required, or it’s necessary, or fundamental to success, or that you better do it, or else (big disastrous picture)?
Without this thought of being so against this task, what my client noticed was she might ask for help, ask others if they’d be willing to do it, work with a partner, find support, or even ask other people what they suggest about how to do this task stress-free!
As my client did The Work, I realized *ping* how I never, ever asked my boss if there were any alternatives to me doing the data entry.
I always went to all our meetings, especially our annual review meetings (the ones all about me and my performance) with anxiety, with a sense of wanting to be extremely pleasing, dreading any criticism.
I was so on the defense from receiving criticism and trying to be perfect, that I didn’t ask for support or talk about what I didn’t like, or even consider what I’d like to do more.
Wow.
Turning the thought around:
You do not HAVE to do that task.
Could that be just as true, or truer?
Yes, for me in my situation, I didn’t “have” to do it. No one was holding a gun to my head. I wanted to keep my job. I wanted to get praised. I wanted to be thought of as the one who did it right, and did it well, and didn’t make requests.
I kept doing it! This job was many years ago, and it only occurred to me during this client’s recent inquiry that I never explored one other option, not once, than Doing It.
Who believed they HAD to do it?
That was me.
Kind of coo-coo bird, how much I blamed the job. But I didn’t know, until now, to question that thought and stop being such a victim. Must be perfect timing…now.
“An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering.” ~ Byron Katie
Desire and Abundance…Do The Work, Clear The Way (March 18-20 weekend retreat Seattle)
The other day I got a quick chat message on skype….
….”Hey, you got time to do The Work for a sec?”
It was from someone I didn’t know or recognize.
Just like when I first started out in my business, I paused a moment to double-check if I missed anything in the short communication.
Nope.
Pretty short and sweet.
My thoughts start wondering, though.
Do they know what doing The Work is?
(It seems like not).
Do they know what “for a sec” means, or looks like?
It sounds super casual and friendly, like something someone might say who wants immediate attention, and probably is not looking to set up a session for hire, which is what I do for a living.
It’s a funny business I’m in, I sometimes muse.
That question for me would be the very same as asking a therapist….
….Hey, have you got a sec for me to run a few psychological issues by you and I can get your opinion….real quick? And I don’t want an actual therapy session or anything.
As always, so I don’t assume, I wrote back and asked….did you want to make an appointment? I gave my normal fee amount ($125), and just between you and me, I am an incredibly flexible person when it comes to payment if you truly need my time and energy and attention and you are honoring and respecting this, but you genuinely don’t have the normal fee.
(I’ve been told, too flexible–lesson learned).
Sure enough, this person wrote back: Oh wow! I didn’t know you charged for facilitating! Nevermind.
This is hilarious!
But the part I love about it is, it wasn’t the first person to ever do this.
Some people appear to think I’m simply open for calls, volunteering my time (which I do on the Helpline for The Work, two hours a month) or that I can call them back to have long conversations about how to do The Work.
This is a truly brilliant situation for me for finding small, slightly stressful or irritable thoughts about money and business and making a living and charging or asking for fees.
It will bring out all your true thoughts about money, and your possible love-hate relationship with it.
Uh, that would be MY love-hate relationship with it.
And this is perfect, right now, because I’m in the middle of running the eight week money course I love to teach (I love to learn)!
He shouldn’t assume I work for free or that I’m here only for volunteer service
She shouldn’t always show up late and go over time in our sessions and pay her bill late
Does he think I have no appointment calendar?
What does she think I do all day?
They don’t think my time is precious!
They don’t respect the huge investment made in training in The Work and human behavior (my master’s degree)
REALLY?
Ha ha, I’m laughing already, but let’s take a look.
You might be able to find this, even if you don’t charge money for anything. Maybe you feel this way about what you’re paid at your job and the raise you didn’t get, or what someone offered you once when you sold your car.
I’m not respected! Or there is something seriously OFF about them!
Is this story true?
Yes!
I mean….what are they thinking? How could they assume this?
But can you absolutely know this is true?
No. I really can’t know.
How do you react when you believe they are either insulting you, or they are missing a card in the deck if you know what I mean?
Wow….I start wondering if there’s some kind of vibe I put off that says “will work for anything” like I’m holding a piece of cardboard next to the freeway.
I start thinking I’m too nice….like my 8th grade teacher said. I don’t stick up for myself. I give off “kick me” or “I don’t matter” energy. I’m not good at boundaries. I don’t say “no” well.
I’m a loser. I’m bad with money. This proves it.
I treat that other person like they must be also a loser with money.
They don’t respect an independent professional, or someone running a small business, or the time and commitment of other people (OK, of me).
Oy.
It’s very stressful. It’s embarrassing. I feel childish, on top of it all.
So who would I be without this story of being used, or disrespected, or that someone’s asking too much for too little in exchange?
Who would I be without my story as I read the incoming simple question?
How would I feel? What would I say? What would I do?
I’d do exactly the same thing I already did….
….write a simple email back….
….without all the horrible dark thoughts of angst, self-criticism, attack, upset, disappointment, discouragement, or heavy meaning.
The moment would be soooo efficient, it would be mind-blowingly simple.
Did you want to set up a session? No.
Done.
My niceness, kindness, care, attention doesn’t have to have anything to do with the money exchanging hands.
What’s true is, I charge for my time. I have a business. Apparently, I need to earn money in order to be able to buy food and pay for my house, clothing, transportation.
Seriously, I don’t have other money available for my basic expenses.
In the world of infinite possibilities of what we can do, this is the one I finally have done more than any other profession or job….and I’m not sure “I” went with it, by the way….but it’s the thing I do and I trade this beautiful experience for money.
And yes, I do it for free sometimes, but this would be impossible without careful consideration and blocking aside my volunteer time in a truly caring and respectful way for my own schedule.
I turn the thoughts around….and while I’ve done this work before, I’m realizing something in this moment as I turn them all around to myself. Again.
I shouldn’t assume I work for free or that I’m here only for volunteer service (ouch, yes).
I shouldn’t always speak up late (about showing up late) and go over time in our sessions (without being clear) and NOT ask why the bill isn’t paid?
Do I think I have no appointment calendar?
What do I think I do all day?
I don’t think my time is precious!
I don’t respect the huge investment I’ve made in training in The Work and human behavior (my master’s degree)
REALLY?
These are all true.
I act passively, and don’t speak up for what I want and need, and then call myself a loser for caring about money, or not asking for money, or being unclear about money.
I think I’m supposed to be Mother Teresa and never keep a penny for myself, and yet, I’m a human with needs that cost money.
I notice….these people who ask if I’ll help them, for free, are an echo of my past beliefs coming forward to be seen again, and faced.
Yes, I am still clearly uncomfortable talking about money, asking for money, charging money, running a business, hiring an employee, paying taxes, paying bills, sending bills, caring about money.
Wow.
I do care about money.
I want to care about money, not ignore it and treat it like it’s nothing and of no use, or something dirty that I still happen to need, like a toilet.
But who would I be without the thought I have to get this all perfectly cleared up, squared away, that I have to be awesome and happy and charitable at all times, that I have to avoid looking selfish and greedy, that I have to be carefree, content, giving, saintly, generous and say “yes” to anyone who asks and never ask about money?
I’d be respecting money itself….which I haven’t. Not in my own mind. Not in my actions.
I turn the thoughts around again, but this time….to money.
I shouldn’t assume money works for free or that it’s here only for service (for me)
I shouldn’t always show up late for money (yep, started earning it in my forties) and give it away in our sessions (by going over time) and being so uncaring about it coming late
Do I think money has no appointment calendar? It’s just supposed to show up when I ask?
What do I think money does all day? Nothing?
I don’t think money is precious
I don’t respect the money investment I made (especially when I don’t charge reasonable fees, or ask for payment, or respect my accounting)
REALLY? (says money to me, do you care at all about me?)
“Why is money trouble? A better question to ask is: What happens to us when we are in its presence?…Money itself provides the occasion for finding this kind of deep ambivalence in the self, and money is one place where the soul’s work must be done.” ~ Stephen Jenkinson in Money and The Soul’s Desires, A Meditation
As I inquire today, I whisper thank you to money today. I bow to it’s power to bring out my own ambivalence about myself, about life, about love, service, right, wrong, reality.
I am here for soul’s work.
Turns out….money is involved.
It has a place in All This.
Just like inquiring about people I feel uncomfortable with….let’s make friends with money, too.
Much love, Grace
Abundance, Desire and The Work Weekend Retreat: If you have trouble with money, a relationship, a dream you’ve never achieved….this is the place to allow the disappointment to surface, to be felt, to see your stressful thoughts, to inquire, to find out what’s really true for you. Let’s find freedom. Question your thinking, change….your whole world.
I’m excited because people are signing up for the new retreat I’m offering March 25-27 in north Seattle on Abundance, Desire and The Work.
I notice is everyone signed up so far has already done a retreat with me in the past.
Which is awesome of course….I love each and every person I get to spend time with and when they return to dive into more of their own work, it’s such an honor to witness.
But if you don’t know me particularly, or even if you DO….
….you might be wondering….
….what is Grace talking about with this Abundance and Desire topic?
The sub-title of the retreat is: Doing The Work on What Keeps Us From What We Really Want–Reality, Now!
But aren’t abundance and desire fun?
Of course they are!
However.
I saw within myself such disappointment, discouragement, unworthiness, sadness and suffering when I didn’t get what I secretly wanted.
I wanted to understand the feeling of being, acting, moving, living and seeing what would happen if I wasn’t motivated by the future, but instead by the present.
We all have visions of what we desire.
Our dreams, goals, wishes, longings.
If only it were like THAT….I would be happy.
OK, maybe I can’t realistically know I’d be happy. But I’m absolutely positive I’d be happier.
How could I not be just a little bit happier if I got that thing I’m dreaming of?
I mean, this is a no-brainer, right?
I dream of more money, I dream of the beautiful soul mate, I dream of being in relationship with “x”, I dream of being addiction-free, I dream of being enlightened, I dream of adventure, joy, bliss, peace, self-realization, adventure, seeing the world, health, happiness.
Maybe I don’t know what it’s really like until I get there, but heck I really, really, really am positive it’s going to be good.
It’s got to be better than this.
Right now I happen to be in the middle of the Money telecourse I teach once or twice a year. The participants are truly amazing at seeing clearly how much they want more money, how sure that money represents safety, ease, independence, power or freedom.
I get it.
I feel like if I won the lottery this afternoon, I’d jump up and down and feel so excited and start planning my trip to Turkey immediately. And buy my new Prius. And update the scratched up floors in my house and fix up the garage.
I have all these personal all-about-me kinds of fun ideas and visions come into my mind.
It gets extended beyond only me, too. I feel altruistic. I’d open a hospice center, I’d open an inpatient treatment center using The Work to address emotional eating, I’d plant trees in my neighborhood where they chopped the diseased ones down.
A man I know longs for a committed partner and everyone thinks he’s a catch. He’d love a companion on this life adventure.
He wants what so many people want….tender conversations, inside jokes, intimate touch, support in hard times.
Another student of mine wants youth and health. She’s on a mission to find healing from her disease and spending all her life savings to rock bottom to live longer than anticipated.
So understandable, and so honestly human.
Nothing wrong with any of these desires and wants.
Except.
Have you noticed how you treat this present moment, when you want something different than what’s happening?
Brushing through this and flipping through to the turnaround really speedy and lightly isn’t going to generally feel very clear, easy and peaceful.
For some reason, quickly doing a more positive thinking process goes like this: “Oh yeah, I forgot….I’m gonna concentrate only on loving what is. Doing it! Rock on!!”
Maybe sometimes this actually “works” to move our minds into a different way of perceiving by jumping to the opposite. But usually, my mind then once again returns to the wishing, slowly but surely….
….unless I do The Work.
Unless I really, really take a look at what is Now and what is Desired and investigate closely to see what’s true, for me, genuinely and honestly.
So let’s say you want ______.
You know what it is.
Admit it. You don’t have to tell anyone.
It’s OK if it’s money. Again.
But maybe it’s something else.
The most important thing I’ve found to understand what happens in this process is to hold still and focus on that one dream you have, that thing you wish for, without jumping to something else.
Get that picture as clearly as possible in your head of that life you so desire.
Compare it to right now.
Yep. It’s better over there.
Pause.
Is it true?
Are you sure if you take a bite of that yummy delicious thing, you’ll feel better?
Yes, yes, yes.
I am positive that if I just had one bite of food in this terribly hungry moment, I will feel better.
I’ve proven it 1000 times.
It feels good to eat when starving and ahhhh, I get so relieved.
I am positive if I had one word of praise from that awesome, sexy hunk of a man I would feel thrilled….and better than this boring moment here.
I am positive if I had a million dollars descend on me through the lottery channels or some special winning that I would feel ecstatic….and have more options and a changed life from this limited scarce reality.
Notice how there are two visions.
This One Here Now.
That One There Then.
And we get so sure the other one is better, right?
I know how I act when I believe my life would be better, enhanced, joyful, thrilling, adventurous, calmer, blissful, free….IF I only had that thingie come true.
I’m in pursuit.
I’m waiting.
I’m reaching for that delicious carrot and it keeps moving just a wee teensy bit out of reach so I’m almost falling over trying to get it, and never succeeding.
Can you feel it in your body, when you’re reaching?
But who would you be without the belief that the thingie you want, that vision you see or feel so sure of in your mind….
….will give you happiness?
Wait.
You mean.
Are you saying there’s no possibility of happiness?
That SUCKS!
That’s WORSE!
You’re taking all my hope away….oh no!!
Hand wringing!
Please don’t take my hope. That’s the only thing I have to hold on to. I’m reaching maybe….but it keeps me going. Please.
I will get there.
I will get that person, place, condition, enlightened state of being!!
Pause.
Who would I be without the thought that something else will make me happier?
Noooooooo!
OK, so slow it down.
Relax.
Nothing will be destroyed, except maybe a few thoughts here and there. Look around, everything is still the same, OK?
You are simply considering who you would be WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT of a future happy place.
No getting better, later.
Stay. Stay. Don’t rush off.
This is it, right here.
This is what you got.
Here it is.
If you’re like me….it’s bloody difficult to stay, with this genius mind so good at imagining improvements and possibilities.
I’m not saying you have to give up your mind, though.
What if this is it….and “it” includes your brain thinking away and dreaming and conjuring up brilliant (and troubling) ideas?
Say: “Thank you mind, for showing me about 150 movies at the same time about the future and about the past. With the sound playing on all of them. At once.”
And then leave the movie-playing alone and let it do it’s thing.
But notice what else is here.
Who are you, without this belief that the Thing will get you to some better place?
Can you hear the deafening Silence? Can you feel how OK you are no matter what you’ve ever been through in your entire life that’s hard? Can you feel how OK you are if you never achieve that future vision you’ve been hoping for?
Turning the thought around: There is no “better”, in the future. Even five minutes from now. There is no “worse” that once happened before. It’s all a figment. It’s all images and movies playing in various and completely different genres (horror, winner, tragedy, comedy).
All that goin’ on?
It’s all just the mind, doing it’s THANG.
Sing to it now….
You are more than your mind working it out.
Sit still with that part of you that immediately follows the mind. Let it not race behind the pictures your mind shows you so quickly. Let it walk more slowly.
Widen the gap between thinking about your dreams and sorrows….
….and reality.
If I can attempt this, if I can stop just a minute….
….so can you.
“The things you think you love–you have no idea–you don’t…You can’t get away with it [being against what is] because your true nature is kind. Everyone’s trying with all their might to believe what they don’t believe. We believe our thoughts, and Hell is created.” ~ Byron Katie in Seattle 1/2016
If you need a little help, with the support of others to stay focused on inquiry and set yourself free from the difficulty of wanting what you don’t have….
….come to the Abundance and Desire Retreat.
Here’s what I am finding out over time, through the powerful support of inquiry. (You may be surprised).
Everything is here right now for my happiness. It’s amazing.
It’s astonishing.
As you realize this, right here in this moment….
….as you notice that everything you need is here now, you are inspired, astonished, relaxing, laughing, calming down, finding peace, hearing, feeling.
All those things, conditions, experiences, people or items you wanted before, so that you’d feel happy?
Completely unnecessary.
Happiness is present.
And THEN….they begin to happen after all. Now.
“Serenity is within, do not seek it without.” ~ the Buddha
Much love,
Grace
Join the Abundance and Desire Retreat. Doing The Work on what keeps us from what we really want: Reality Now! March 25-27. Friday night through Sunday afternoon. $295. Three private rooms plus a couple of very comfy air mattresses available if you need to stay overnight (just ask).
I guess this comes up at least once a year when the Year of Inquiry group starts inquiring for a month on money AND the eight week teleclass is running, too.
Yesterday, in Year of Inquiry we looked at such a simple and powerful thought:
They have more money than me.
You know those people?
The ones who have more?
I remember vividly a moment.
I am standing in the foyer of a huge home, some would call it a mansion. My daughter is playing here on an after-school play date with a new friend. This foyer is marble, imported from Italy (I am told, when I exclaim at the beauty of the house). I look up to see a wide, expansive view of the lake. With a dock. And two boats.
Suddenly…..I am somehow less than these people who live in this house. Like, not as good. Not as successful.
They have more money than me, certainly. They have done something right, I have done something wrong.
Sick stomach.
That’s my situation. I stare at it while I inquire. I don’t let my mind move from that moment, the way it likes to shift to something else, like another memory.
I don’t let myself move into trying to make myself feel better, now.
I stay right there in the situation.
Can you see them in your mind, wearing jewels, living in gigantic houses, frolicking about the world on jets, owning islands, going to every kind of retreat or workshop or spa they want?
What we’re questioning in this is the stress. The pain of comparison.
We’re just sooooo sure they have more.
More opportunity, more freedom, more fun, more power, more security, more creativity, more independence, more health, more support.
There’s moral value placed on what Those People are doing (or not doing).
They should….they shouldn’t….I need…..other people need…..it shouldn’t be like this.
Wow, it’s a gigantic system of Right and Wrong. Have and Not Have.
Let’s investigate.
Who would you be right now, without the belief that those people have more? More than you, more than others, more than they deserve, more than they can use?
Who would you be without the belief in judging YOU in the middle of this (which is also critical-mind, the vicious attacking mind that makes you wrong)?
Even if the ones you look at with all the money are very lovely people doing wonderful things in their communities…..
…..who are you without the belief they have MORE of anything?
I notice how I’ve had this thought about more than just money.
I’ve had this thought about other things I value deeply….like enlightenment, peace, joy.
Those gurus have more of it than me.
Those authors and actors have more influence than me.
Who would I be without this belief, if I couldn’t even have this thought run through my mind as I look at them, as I hang out with them?
What if I had no awareness of More or Less?
It’s almost so weird and counter to the way the mind normally works, it’s strange to even contemplate.
“Ego mind is so upsetting. You think you have choice, but you don’t. You’re submerged in the waters of active thinking. Only when you become aware of your attention is there choice, is there an option. ‘Oh. I can put my attention on my ego/reactive mind, or I can put my attention on silence!’ Now that I’m aware of my attention, I can choose where it goes….And you don’t need a self to do the choosing. You don’t need a self to breath, you don’t need a self to walk down the street. You don’t need a self to choose either. Consciousness itself is highly intelligent.” ~ Adyashanti
Who would I be without the belief that someone has more than me?
Feeling the peace of this moment, here now. Trusting.
Dropping down into silence, watching, feeling.
In harmony in the presence of money and whatever money is doing.
Turning the thought around…..and this is so fun and mind-boggling:
They do not have more money (or anything) than me. I have more money than them. I have more of myself, here now, than anyone else has.
I notice money is flowing around in constant motion, like air and energy. In any given moment, I can freeze it like a picture and maybe say “more is here!” or “less is here!” but then…..
…..there is another in-breath, and out-breath, another purchase of a bag of groceries, another gift coming to me, another opportunity to enjoy, another day of sun rising and setting, another paycheck received, another withdrawal from savings, another kind word, another conversation, another beautiful Ah-Ha inquiry, another person registering for something.
There’s hunger, then fullness.
Everything moving and changing and flowing.
I am not in charge.
What I have is actually…..nothing I can hold on to with my two fists.
What I have is an attitude willing to question my own thinking. What I have is awareness. What I have is silence in this moment.
I have curiosity, I have wondering.
I have the ability to expand my conditioned stories. I have the capacity to step out of this stressful story line, with money.
In my situation standing in the front entrance of the magnificent house, without the belief that these people have more money than me….
….I marvel at the gorgeousness of what is walking distance from where I sleep. I feel so lucky to be seeing it, and how amazing that humans build and invent such incredible stuff.
Without the beliefs (after doing The Work)…..a few weeks later, picking up my daughter again, I ask the owner all about what it was like to plan, build and move into this place, and where the money came from.
I learn a ton. It’s super fun.
I feel very connected. He tells me about how bored he is and that he’d prefer to be working again, rather than retired.
Ha ha!
You can stop blaming money for how you feel.
You can stop insisting, judging, condemning.
Yes, you have sooooo much more than “you” in this moment.
You have the mystery of the universe available.
You have peace, quiet, life…..right here now.
Wow. It’s priceless.
And free.
Much love, Grace
P.S. Join me at Breitenbush this summer! To get all the information and learn how to register, click HERE.
money left me, and it’s a crying shame….is that true?
As I get ready for a full new beautiful telecourse of people gathering for eight weeks starting this afternoon on MONEY, I’m already feeling the freedom of who I would be without my current beliefs about it.
(Sorry the class is indeed all the way full, but you can join it again in the future–maybe even this spring if I can–write me with your favorite times or days).
If you’ve read Grace Notes for awhile, you’ll know where I came from (having $10.16 left in the bank and a $2000 mortgage bill due in 3 days).
It sucked.
Or so I thought.
I still have the feelings sometimes that it should never be like that again….when I get scared.
If I really go back and sit on my couch in my mind, stressing about having no money left, agony about not having enough money to put gas in my car, or buy groceries….
….it seems the same as looking back on the time I was in the war.
No, I wasn’t really ever in an actual “war” in history.
But I’ve heard people talk about being in the war, whether my grandpa in World War II, or my dad in the Korean War, or guys who were a little bit older and cooler than me who were in the Vietnam War (which horrified me as a kid).
These are all wars associated with the United States where I mostly grew up.
Well….I look on that time without money as The War. The money war.
Watching money fly away from me and feeling like I was the Titanic, sinking.
In my head, it was a war zone.
My own private war, with money.
With the universe.
At that time, in that situation sitting on my couch looking at my bank statement, with no current job and nowhere else to borrow from….
….I felt so ashamed.
I was volleying shots directly at myself, kicking myself.
When I look back, I can see that even though it was pretty straightforward when it came to money….
….I Would Not Stop Kicking.
I would not stop kicking MYSELF.
I screamed and demanded that money show itself to me, come to me, be with me, stay with me, not abandon me, rescue me.
Jeez, get a grip woman! Stand on your own two feet!
Nope, wouldn’t do it.
I insisted that I was too small, lost, incapable, and unworthy.
Until I lost all of it.
Fine.
I noticed I was still breathing, even as I said “fine” with total surrender and defeat and anger.
And I wasn’t dead.
Actually….I had a fridge with food in it, a car in the driveway, and clothes in my tiny closet. I had a mom saying she’d take me in if I needed it.
If I had had no mother, I know a friend would probably have volunteered or invited me to stay for awhile.
Just because you have debt, even colossal debt….
….just because you have spent addictively, or felt you MUST HAVE some item….
….just because you’ve been weird with money (and I mean this with people who have tons, and people who have none)….
….doesn’t mean it’s over.
Have you noticed?
If you’re alive, you have the capability of standing on your feet and being cared for.
In the Year of Inquiry group we’re in Month Five.
Money Month!
Yesterday, we looked at the most basic and very stressful belief about money…..
…..when you see it walkin’ away (pull out the strings, this is the basis of a good sad heart-break song).
Money Is Leaving!!!! Oh no!!!!
It doesn’t seem so funny in the moment, though, right?
How do you react when you see money flying AWAY from you, moving to other people, debts you owe, bills?
One inquirer in YOI noticed how vulnerable she felt. Total exposure.
I have to ask for help, I have to connect with people. I have to call and ask why a check hasn’t arrived yet, or call and tell someone I can’t pay my bill this month.
So embarrassing.
But what if you didn’t believe it’s wrong to be vulnerable, or dangerous to not have money? What if you didn’t think you were guilty, or a sinner, for being without money?
What if you just got here from another planet, today. And you never heard of money before. You were here for an adventure, for joy, for excitement, for learning, for riding a rollercoaster (that’s life, right?)
Who would you be without the belief that money is leaving you, when it moves from your pocket or bank account or hand or debit card…..
…..to somewhere else?
Turning the thought around: money is arriving, money is staying, my thinking is the one that’s leaving (wandering off after the money), I am leaving myself….in the name of money.
Some people become super poor and never go to work because of fear about money. Some people become super rich and work all the time because of money.
Who would YOU be if money didn’t matter? Just for today?
What would happen if you stayed with you, your own best friend, knowing how worthy and awesome you are?
Best of all, for me in my “disaster-lose-everything” situation, was being without money and realizing…..
…..wow oh wow…..
…..the inner center juicy peaceful glorious place within has never been absent, has never left, will never leave.
This present moment is alive, and pulsing and rich with creativity, rest, and No War.
Astonishing.
I thought I needed money to be happy, in that moment on the couch with $10.16 left in my bank account.
After I did The Work that day, a little over 7 years ago, I picked up the phone and called my mom.
We had the best conversation we had had in years, about me moving in with her and bringing my two kids with me and all the worries and anger I had about her trying to run my life and order me around if I moved in.
It was a truce conversation, in my own heart.
I knew it might be hard if I moved in with her, but it would be an incredible adventure and I could trust the universe to have brought me into it.
Except, right after THAT like the next day…..I got a job offer and a secret donation from friends and family for my birthday which covered a whole month of expenses, including that mortgage payment.
Who would you be without your war stories with money?
Could they actually be peace stories underway?
And I don’t care how much money you have.
It really doesn’t matter.
Much love, Grace
P.P.S. Join me at Breitenbush! To get all the information and learn how to register, click HERE.
Join me in the gift of inquiry….nothing compares to freedom from stressful thinking! Attend a class or retreat, and celebrate peace
Wow, there’s a lot happening! Can’t wait to spend time with you in this gift of inquiry, if it’s right for you this new year.
In Person Cancer Support Group Seattle starts up again January 13th 5:30-7:00 pm. Limited to 8 participants. Join for a minimum of 4 consecutive sessions.
Eating Peace In Person 3 Day Retreat January 22-24, 2016 9:30 am-9:00 pm Friday and Sat, 9:30 am-5:00 pm Sunday
Money: Loving This Story 8 week telecourse January 14th 2:00-3:30 pm Pacific Time (room for one more only)
Money, Work and Business: In Person Retreat March 25-27, 2016 Seattle $295 Question money+work, change your world
Meetup: January 17th 2:00-4:00 pm $10 everyone welcome
May Retreat: Three Days to Freedom–The Work of Byron Katie May 13-15, 2016 Seattle $395
Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Summer Retreat, Oregon: June 22-26, 2016 Early Bird Now $395
*********
It’s funny when the calendar year changes, it makes many of us think about the Whole Year ahead.
That other year, the one we just had, is now over.
We’re using a different number now when we write out the date, and we’ll keep doing this for 365 days in a row, all over the world.
I see and hear people saying things like “let’s have a great 2016!” or “make 2016 your best year ever!” or “set your 2016 goals NOW, no time to lose!”
Now, don’t get me wrong.
Those are sweet ideas, and can be encouraging, good ideas.
Except….we have absolutely no control, no way to really truly assert this “great” year we’d like to have. No way to predict the actual outcome.
And it doesn’t take special goal-setting or drive or discipline to have a great year.
It’s even better that that.
Right now, today, you can live, feel and be what you hope to have by the end of this year.
That’s it.
I know it sounds weird.
But why wait?
I’ll explain.
OK, so let’s say you’re single and you want a partner. Or, let’s say you have a business and you’d like to double your income (or multiply it by ten–I crack up with all the 10x this and 10x that). Or, let’s say you want a new job. Or, how about finishing that book (my thought) or getting into tip top physical condition or reconciling with your dad or moving to a more compatible home, or serving your community in a bigger way, or repaying your debts, or speaking on a stage to 1000 people.
All valid, beautiful, positive visions.
And I love bringing attention to this moment, NOW.
In fact, it’s the only way any of these visions for a future ever actually come into reality.
Today.
It’s a lot easier than picturing the whole entire year and all those days and all that work.
When we consider huge projects and pushing and effort and persistence….
….you can get really exhausted, just thinking about it.
You can start out super crazy strict, and hyper-alert or disciplined, and pretty soon you’re burned out, and unhappy, and your thoughts are that it’s not worth it.
Too hard.
Instead, I love questioning the thought (because it can be very stressful) that this year I must accomplish x, y, z.
So like I said…..
….how about looking at today, instead?
Here’s what I mean, or how you can work with your visions and thoughts about a great future.
Let’s say I like the idea of making more money.
First, I explore my beliefs about why on earth I would want more money.
What would more money give me, if I had it?
Security, breathing-easy, more empty down time to relax.
I could share more money and experiences with my children and family or others in need, I could travel to more meditation retreats, or exotic places like Istanbul or Europe or Vietnam. I could fix all the broken things in my house. I could buy an electric car.
Life would surely be more fun, exciting and learning-filled.
With money.
Yep, that’s what I need more of.
Is it true?
(See how I snuck self-inquiry in there? I know, it was clever).
Well….it sure seems like with more money I could do all those things and therefore have happiness, relaxation, freedom and joy.
But is it absolutely true I need money to have these things?
No.
How do you react when you believe more money is better for you in the upcoming year?
Wow, I focus on it like crazy. I stay up late working. I get frantic creating new programs and packing in as much as possible to my daily schedule. I don’t even care about my daily quality of life, or spending much time with my children or family. I feel jealous if my friends are leaving for Thailand. I feel awkward when I get invited to someone’s house for dinner and they live in a palace. I’m assessing how much money I “think” people have when I really don’t know. I get resentful of paying taxes.
Now for the wonderful question.
Who would you be without the thought you need to focus, push, reach this goal during this upcoming year?
Who would you be without this belief that more money is required, right here in this moment, looking around at your life?
I notice right now, I’m sitting on an airplane traveling from Los Angeles to Seattle where I live. I have a lap top. I have a tray table holding the lap top. I’m wearing a really beautiful and warm pink wool sweater. The sky out the airplane window is a ribbon of brilliant robin’s egg blue, then orange, then black at the edge of the earth.
My body feels warm and soooo relaxed.
I’m full of joy.
I think of my kids and family and husband and smile. Even my father, who has been gone for nearly 25 years I think of right now and feel a warm joy of “thank you”.
I have pictures flashing of an electric car, or a perfect house, or hiring an employee, or having adventures or going on meditation retreats or having the perfect body, and without the belief any of those are required for happiness or peace….
….I feel incredible freedom.
More money will bring security, ease, fun, safety, joy, success….
….could these qualities already be here, no matter what money is doing or not doing?
Wow. Yes.
I find examples of how what I think “more money” would bring, is actually already here.
You can do this with the thing or achievement you dream of, too.
As Byron Katie says….
….skip the middle man!
(In my case, skip the money–and this doesn’t mean reject the money, not at all).
Do you think you’ll be closer to what you envision for yourself by feeling joy, love, contentment, ease, relaxation, peace, gentleness, kindness, safety, security, calm right now in this very moment, today?
Or do you think you’ll be closer to what you envision for yourself by feeling angst, worry, upset, nervousness, anger, frustration, intensity, disappointment, fury, scarcity, or fear?
Ha ha, kind of hilarious, right?
Try the first way.
Even if you don’t reach your goals….
….you’ll have fun on your way down.
“You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to suffer.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love,
Grace
P.S. If you’re anxious or frustrated with money, join me in the teleclass starting next Thursday afternoon PT, or come to retreat March 25-27. What if you had a wonderful money story and career story, rather than a terrible one? Now that’s exciting.
I’m doing lots of questioning about money again.
