Grace, Author at Question with Grace

January 9, 2013

MUST Get It Done To Succeed

Uh oh. I woke up the other day thinking I HAD to get something done that supported a new program I want to offer in this business.

It’s like a fiery feeling in the gut….determined, tight fists, almost angry. This WILL happen. I MUST not fail. I WILL get that finished. I was BORN to OFFER this.

Dang, that voice just will not let up sometimes! It begins to drown out other voices when I feel a bit fearful that the thing I need or want to accomplish is urgent, that there is danger in NOT accomplishing. The greater the fear, the louder the voice.

I MUST CREATE THIS, AND MAKE IT SUCCESSFUL. In some circumstances, this could be an exciting thought, but sometimes for me, it is stressful.

So I take it to inquiry, thank goodness.

My situation is not uncommon. I am a small business owner, so I’m the boss. It’s my responsibility (so it seems) to bring in the money. I cannot believe how much I love what I do, in the actual moment interacting with a person or a group, but the thinking about putting it together feels stressful.

The calendar, the scheduling, the promotion, the announcements. SO ANNOYING.

At the recent Cleanse event, where Byron Katie worked with so many people questioning their thoughts, someone did The Work on business.

She was angry with the head of her company. He was so pushy, he went so fast, he didn’t listen, she felt slighted. “He is making the company grow too fast!”

Jeez, I sure would like to have the stressful belief that my little miniscule one-man-show company is growing too fast! I’ll NEVER have THAT thought.

I’m almost embarrassed to even write about my “company” which has this focus on offering inquiry to whomever wants it. I have thoughts like “people should get this for free” and“making money isn’t spiritual” and “other people are doing it better than me”.

I mean, my penchant for the life of noble poverty, or thinking in that particular way, is very strong. The life of the monk sounds fine to me, much of the time.

But I am also interested in freedom.

I notice that money seems to be a means of exchange here on planet earth. I use it to enroll my child in a special school. I use it to buy food. I use it to fix my leaking roof, to buy the computer I write on, to drive a car, to learn from others, to attend the Byron Katie workshop.

This all might seem ridiculously obvious, but it has been amazing and wonderful to question whether or not I actually need money for all those things. I don’t, really.

But trying to get something faster than it is being gotten is *very* stressful in a subtle, little pinchey way. Like a little pin being stuck in my rib cage while I’m trying to run fast.

OW!

Is it really true that I have to get it done? That I have to move faster? That I need to work-work-work!? I notice that this is when I think I need some coffee. All by myself is not enough.

Not enough time, energy, skill, focus. I must push harder. Faster. Bigger.

Really?

Who would I be without the thought that every waking moment must be devoted to production and promotion, unless I’m taking a shower or at the gym?

I might get to breath for a moment. I might feel the emptiness all around me, and notice the beauty of This Here Now.

What is it I really want to GET if I do all the stuff on my list, anyway? What would I have, if I had all that success? If I had that project finished? If I had that outline completed? If I had more money?

Relaxation?

Byron Katie says, skip the middle man and relax right now. Skip the money and notice what is secure here. Skip the project being “done” and enjoy the incredible creativity that springs forth right now, in fits and starts, on its own timeline.

“The mark of a moderate man is freedom from his own ideas. Tolerant like the sky, all-pervading like sunlight, firm like a mountain, supple like a tree in the wind, he has no destination in view and makes use of anything life happens to bring his way.”~Tao Te Ching #59

Without the thought that I need to DO something, faster, bigger, better….I am relaxing. I am smiling. I am resting. I am not interested in coffee. I do not push. I do not pull.

I am what I was looking for in the first place. Happy.

Much love, Grace

P.S. New teleclass times below!

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy.Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. OR Fridays, January 25 – March 22, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

January 8, 2013

Emergency! I Have A Big Feeling!

One of my experiences when I first encountered The Work was that I knew I felt bad in certain situations but I had no reference for what I was thinking. I had no thoughts! I just FELT TERRIBLE!!

The way I felt fairly often was….VERY uncomfortable: anxious, nervous, nauseated, angry, pessimistic, furious, desperate, sad, choked up, depressed.

When I felt that way, I noticed that I wanted to eat, smoke, or drink either alcohol or coffee, depending on the feeling. Or all of those at once.

I really wanted to change the feeling, I wanted to GET OUT of that terrible feeling, ASAP!

One thing that really helps when you feel panicked or very angry, any strong emotion, is to question the belief “I have to do something about this feeling”.

You have to do something….is that true?

DAMN RIGHT IT’S TRUE, I AM NOT PUTTIN’ UP WITH THIS!

It would feel like an emergency, like a big feeling-cloud coming over me, taking over.

Help! Quick! Something or someone come to the rescue! Where’s the mind-altering substance or experience that can distract and switch this feeling!? EMERGENCY!

But can you absolutely know that your Big Feeling is really something you have to do something with? Are you sure? What if you just waited, watched, and did NOT do anything?

I found out I was SAFE having a big feeling. It sounds kind of funny now, right? OMG! Horror movie! Anything but have a BIG FEELING!!

But that is really what I believed. I expected myself to be steady, have small, manageable feelings at all times. No fast heart beating, no crying, no despair, no rage.

Funny, but once I discovered it was safe to have a Big Terrible Feeling then I could much more easily become aware of what I was thinking.

Who would you be without the thought that feeling bad IS bad…and that you will keep feeling that way unless you DO something?

Things will slow down. Empty space will be a possibility. Waiting will be interesting.

In just a wee tad of willingness to stay with the feeling, the thoughts appear, and I can write them down.

I am angry because….I am frightened because…I am upset because….

Now we’re talkin! Feeling and Thinking are mixing it up, communicating with each other.

Close your eyes and wait 10 seconds before moving towards relieving your feeling. Write 3 sentences down about what is upsetting you. Ask yourself if you are SAFE right now, in this moment? I always notice that I am.

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”

This seems like a small thing. This seems like a very little thing to do. But it is not.

Taking one extra second before running away, squishing, destroying, or changing your feeling may change the course of your entire day, your entire week…your entire life.

You may not want to eat anything, or smoke, or drink coffee or alcohol, or do that other thing or take a drug or go on auto-pilot the way you often do. You may notice just a little something different inside, an openness to be with exactly what is, in that moment. All your reactions. All your feelings.

It is not a small thing to notice that you don’t want to do self-destructive or compulsive behavior anymore.

“Everything supports you whether or not you even notice it, whether or not you think about it or understand it, whether you love it or hate it, whether you’re happy or sad, asleep or awake, motivated or unmotivated.”~Byron Katie

Even Big Feelings support you. They are part of reality.

If you want the last spot open for this coming Saturday/Sunday workshop Horrible Food Wonderful Food then email me right away. We come together to look at feelings and what they are expressing, and get to the thoughts that we believe that produce them.

By questioning our painful thoughts…we may no longer feel like over-eating or obsessing about food, weight and diet. How amazing is that!

Much love, Grace

January 6, 2013

I Am Trapped, Stuck, and There’s No Way Out

When my first significant primary relationship and marriage ended seven years ago, I was really lost and unhappy, abandoned and terrified.

I had so many painful thoughts it was like they came in waves and I could barely keep my head above water….really almost drowning in the thoughts and feelings.

Rage, terror, desperation, anxiety, sleeplessness.

I worked those thoughts using The Work on a daily basis. I got people to facilitate me. I remember spending an entire day with back-to-back facilitation on thoughts like “I can’t make it on my own” and “I will fail” and “he abandoned me”.

A couple of years ago, in my current and amazingly peaceful relationship, my blessed partner suggested we might get married.

OH NO. Not that again. Never! Ever! Ever! I will NEVER subject myself to such ridiculous shenanigans as “commitment” or “marriage” or “promises” that no one can actually ever keep!

Now that I was safely away from danger, and was earning money and almost done paying off my debt, and saved my house from foreclosure, and had many an adventure in dating…I wanted to do nothing that involved even the possibility of dependency or relying on another person.

It was like I had moved from the dark basement to the daylight first floor, and I wanted to keep all options open and make sure I had NO expectations for the future.

I never wanted to live in the basement again!

But of course I recognized that I was having a bit of a strong reaction. Heh heh.

I also noticed that this interesting companion of mine had moved into my house with me and I had said “yes” to this configuration of life. And I hadn’t noticed any problem, imposition, or irritation.

Such a niggling sense of worry about this, though…..I could be trapped! I could be stuck! I could get myself into a situation where I can’t get out without hurting him or other people!

What I found is that just the POSSIBILITY of being “stuck” was the only fear. Many of us have this when considering parts of our lives.

I have to work
I must clean my house
I can’t change my mind
It will always be this way
I am trapped in this life
I can never be intimate with anyone else
I can’t really be free

The mind is such a drama queen. So extreme!

Images will spring forth instantly of this terrible, imprisoned, trapped, bounded life where we are stuck with that boss, these kids, this house, that partner, this body, this problem *F-O-R-E-V-E-R*!

Enter Inquiry.

This situation is hopeless, I am stuck, I am trapped, I’m getting cornered, there’s nothing I can do, there’s no way out….is it true?

First of all, I can tell that any of these Prisoner Thoughts are Not True, because I feel stress when I think them.

“Suffering occurs when you believe in a thought that is at odds with what is, what was, or what may be….Suffering is how Life tells you that you are resisting or misperceiving what is real and true.”~Adyashanti

And the ultimate fun is realizing the Great Turnarounds to these thoughts that I am in a concentration camp of some kind with a dictator “universe” in which I am stuck:

I do not have to work, I may choose to work and find its really fun
I don’t have to clean anything, I might enjoy it though
I can change my mind at any second (I love that my husband says that this is what he would most want for me and for him)
It will never stay the same
I can be completely free in this amazing playground world
I can be intimate in many ways with many people, every day
I am totally free to say Yes or say No, to make commitments

I can jump off the roof if I want, so that I can fly for 3 seconds, but I will hit the ground after that. I see what happens clearly. If I don’t want to hit the ground, I won’t jump unless I use a parachute.

Something’s going on around here and I can have fun learning all the “rules”. Which is different than complaining about the rules.

“Anyone in harmony with what is has no past to project as a future, so there’s nothing she expects….She lets all things come because here they come anyway; it’s not as if she had a choice. She lets all things go because there they go, with or without her consent.”~ Byron Katie in A Thousand Names For Joy

Who knows what exciting thing will happen today in this vibrant, changeable world…with my health, my job, my housecleaning, my child, my bank account!

Free mind, free world.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you are interested in understanding some of your deepest “complaints” about being STUCK about one person in your life, or about sexuality and physical contact with other(s) in your life, then join us for either Our Wonderful Sexuality on Tuesdays from 6:30-8:00 pm Pacific time, or Turning Relationship Hell to Heaven on Fridays from 8:00-9:30 am Pacific time. Go to the website to read about the classes in more depth and explore what’s right for you. We have so much fun in class!!

Learn About Teleclasses Here

January 5, 2013

They Won’t Like What I Say

Last night a talented, hilarious and kind group of good friends gathered to celebrate a birthday.

At the risk of revealing how North American west-coast touchy-feely we all were…we had what is called an Appreciation Circle.

But really, in all countries and cultures, people give toasts, make speeches, write prose, and express appreciation or gratitude through spoken or written word all the time.

We love true, genuine, authentic, moving words. We love to see and be seen, in truth.

This can also be REALLY SCARY if you’re not used to it.

I used to be so shy and introverted, I remained very quiet if the group gathered grew beyond about 4 people. Just one was best for me.

The thoughts I had when I was so shy still come forward, but I hardly believe them for one second anymore because experiencing the honest connection, experiencing what happens, is sooooo rewarding.

I have nothing meaningful to say
People will think I’m stupid
I don’t speak well enough, eloquently enough
I’m not funny (and I need to be!)
If everyone is looking at me, I risk being judged
If I remain quiet, no one can hurt me
I need to hide my judgments, they are too mean

I still notice that with all attention turned on me, my heart may pound and my arms might shake. My body is reacting to these old thoughts….EMERGENCY! Don’t let anyone see or hear you! They might judge you!

Is it actually true that they might judge me? Yes. Almost certainly. They will be looking AT ME and listening to what I say. Their mind will kick in and start making assessments. They really might not like what they hear or see.

But! It is BAD if they don’t like it…..is THAT actually true?

Good question. In my shy days I thought OF COURSE it’s bad! I want other people to think what I am expressing is fabulous!

I want people to like me!

Have you noticed how being in other peoples’ heads is seriously burdensome? It tends to dampen, suppress and squelch any possibility of spontaneous expression.

In my mid-twenties, when I began to become VERY, VERY interested in honest talk, in being authentic, I joined a therapy group.

Three months into the group, I had hardly said a word, even though we met every single week for 3 hours. I believed with a vengeance that if the other people didn’t like what I had to say…it was bad.

I had never questioned that thought.

After being there week after week for those months, one of the therapists said “I’d like to speak to Grace today with everyone listening in an all-group discussion”. GULP.

Adrenaline shot through my veins.

With the whole group listening, this honest and wonderful therapist said to me: “when you are quiet, do you realize how much control and distance you have? No one knows what you think about anything….so they have to guess. No one knows what you’re interested in, what bothers you, what pleases you, what angers you. You don’t share yourself, and you maintain a separate, powerful space by keeping to yourself. You are being very controlling. And we want to know the REAL YOU.”

I wanted to vomit. With fear.

But that was the best thing that could have happened to me, the best thing anyone had ever said to me so far in life. I started talking. I started telling the truth.

My heart’s greatest desire was to express myself.

Everyone’s greatest desire is to express, however that looks. It’s life, living itself, being itself.

Walking around, living life, thinking “I need to hold myself this way, talk that way, look this way, think that way” is like being in a straight-jacket.

Questioning all thoughts that what other people think of you is freedom. This does not mean I will now blast all my mean judgments out towards others…that is not freedom either. It’s the flip side of the same coin.

I look at whatever would keep me from expressing truth in a very real, simple way.

Even with the quietest little voice, speaking what you feel out loud, or writing it down and giving it to someone else, is so appealing, so much fun.

What is one thing you would like to say or express today, that you’ve been holding back?

They will think badly of you, or they will be inspired by you, if you say it, sing it, write it….

Who would you be without the belief that what they think matters?

Revolutionary. Spontaneous. Speaking and not speaking at just the right time and space, for you. Kind. Loving. Real.

“One must be willing to stand alone–in the unknown, with no reference to the known or the past or any of one’s conditioning. One must stand where no one has stood before in complete nakedness, innocence, and humility…..It is the activity of an inward revolution brought down into time and space.”~ Adyashanti

Much love, Grace

January 4, 2013

Resenting What Is

Welcome to all the new subscribers. Really…so very humbled that you come along on this journey and I am so touched and happy that you are HERE. I love company.

This wasn’t always the case. I was always trying to get away from people.

And then when I was alone, I was trying to get away from my own mind.

What a dilemma! You were irritating and so was I. Kind of a bummer, right?

No situation is good, in this scenario. Every situation could be improved. No satisfaction, no true comfort, no peace.

Eckhart Tolle says the ego LOVES its resentment of reality. Isn’t that amazing?

I ask myself….why? Why would I get off on this resentment of what is? This is not a trick question. It is an actual question. Like, pretend you came from another planet and you find out this is what people do here….they resent what is. Now, see if as an observer you can discover why they would do that.

I am RIGHT, not wrong. I am brilliant, the One-Who-Knows-All.
I am more brilliant than God/Source/Whomever Set This Up/Reality.
If people are suffering here…well, that wasn’t MY idea.
I am so powerful, with all this brilliance, to see what is WRONG.
It is not my fault…I am innocent. I am not to blame for this mess.
It’s their fault. Those people are schmucks. Not me.
I can’t help being here. This was an accident. I didn’t ask to be born.
I can remember, daily, what is wrong with this planet and through that, be reminded of what an innocent victim I am.
I’m off the hook. Not Guilty!

So much fear!

OMG what if I don’t resent what is? Could it then be all up to me? My fault, my problem? But, but, but….I don’t know what to do! I am actually nothing! I’m powerless! A tiny speck in the middle of a gigantic universe!

Exactly.

It’s like if I stop resenting what is, then I’ll have to be faced with the Unknown. I’ll have to admit that I don’t get all THIS. That the little details and resistances of this tiny life are not important. At all.

It will be revealed that I have no idea what’s going on. Which I don’t.

Good News.

“The moment you become aware of a negative state within yourself, it does not mean you have failed. It means that you have succeeded.”~ Eckhart Tolle

I used to think that if I gave up resenting things, people, places, events, weather, life, death, and being “stuck” here….that I would see how meaningless it all is, that it would be even worse, that I would see how pointless, that I would feel absolute despair.

Despair is just another form of resentment, of doubting that THIS is OK.

What if this world is wonderful, friendly, beautiful? What if it is all a big misunderstanding? What if what you are most afraid of is not actually true? What if death, losing an arm, someone getting killed, scary people, or being alone are actually not a problem?

But I will be a traitor if I give up my resentment of reality! Everyone will think I’m crazy!

Aren’t you crazy already? As Byron Katie says, you do what you’re doing, and you either love it or hate it, but you’re still doing “it”. Living.

What if Reality is doing its thing and you’re in this soup and there’s nothing you can do about it, and that is actually NOT A PROBLEM?

“You are the light of Presence, the awareness that is prior to and deeper than any thoughts and emotions.”~Eckhart Tolle

Much love, Grace

NEW! 2013 January Teleclasses! As always, please write if you need financial assistance. Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, January 14-March 11, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class February 25th.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy.Tuesdays, January 8 – February 26, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, January 11 – March 1, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

In Person workshops:
Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. $215. To register click HERE now and then send me an email grace@workwithgrace.com.

Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June 2013! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.

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January 3, 2013

No One Does Anything Around Here Except ME!

This morning I had the thought “everyone in this house is sooooo lazy!”

No one puts their dishes in the dishwasher! No one vaccuums! No one cleans the bathroom! No one takes out the garbage! No one cleans their room! No one goes to bed early! No one hangs up their wet towels after showering! No one accomplishes ANYTHING! EXCEPT ME!!

Yup.

Sigh.

I started believing these thoughts…and could feel the energy of frustration surround me. I heard this mouth say “no one has done anything around here since I’ve been gone!” And I heard one absolutely dear and sweet person who lives here say he was working six hours yesterday on house upkeep (my husband).

I felt the attack towards what these eyes were seeing. MESS. And then how fast this voice moves towards blaming ALL THESE LAZY PEOPLE! (Not me).

Even if I don’t speak while believing these thoughts….the people I live with get that something is going on called “she is not pleased”.

And then, about as quickly as the stream of thoughts that are against the mess rise up, there is another viewpoint that is saying “are you sure this is unpleasant? are you sure this is bad? are you sure you don’t like what you see?”

How is it a good thing that this particular body and eyeballs take a look at the house and sees a mess that was made when I was away?

Who would I be without the thought that no one accomplishes anything around here, except me?

I would see the stunning accomplishment of each and every person who lives in this house. They are all alive, pulsing with life around me! Where did they come from? A husband, a daughter, a son.

Other humans, breathing, moving, talking, making sounds, laughing…Amazing!

I would see the miraculous abundance of things and stuff and furniture, dishes, laptop, computer wires, towels, glasses, dishwasher, sink, the new cherry red vacuum I bought two weeks ago.

Then very suddenly the house is empty and all those other humans have left for school and work and the place is silent, and this body moves around touching and wiping and vacuuming and sweeping and taking this item from here, and putting it there.

And then this mind, suddenly it seems, knows it was believing un-true thoughts for a minute. It knows there was resistance, fighting, anger, frustration. This mind that can question itself remembers, almost as instantly as the resistant feelings came in, that THIS moment is a teacher.

Why is it a good thing that I return home after being away, and notice that what needs to happen is cleaning?

Then this mind feels so grateful. And I begin to cry and sob, and I sit down on the couch and I write this for my daily Grace Notes inquiry, right now.

Tears streaming down my cheeks for being able to question that attacking mind that is so vicious, commanding, brutal. That mind that says NO ONE else does ANYTHING around this house! ONLY ME!!

This was war in a tiny eensy little moment….about dirty dishes and wet towels, apparently. That Mean Voice can turn housework into World War III.

And Inquiry then comes forward, on the tails of the Mean Voice that wants everything it’s own way and thinks it is the Ruler of the Universe….

“There’s something out of order on planet earth….and it’s NOT ME!” ~Byron Katie at The Mental Cleanse 2012

The amazing thing is that all of us are able to watch ourselves. We see ourselves do that critical thing, or get angry, or get sad, or terrified.

I wanted everything to be “in order” today so I could “have time” to do fifty thousand things I wanted to do….none of which were housecleaning, so I thought. Anxiousness was there before I ever got upset with mess. My MIND was messy before I even SAW the house mess.

Cluttered thoughts, busy, busy, great expectations, plans, speediness, hope, dreams, wanting to sit and finish my curriculum for a one-year program for the Addictive Mind that I’ve been working on for quite a long while now (as defined by the Big Boss Mind). Wanting to finalize the plans for the Pain, Sickness and Death class. Wanting to go to the gym. Faster, faster, faster, faster screams the mind!

I turnaround everything in this moment. The speed and pace that is happening in my life is just right. The plans I have are unfolding in just the right order.

The most important thing new is housework, de-cluttering on the physical level. Using this moment to de-clutter the mind.

I surrender.

“Just decide that no matter what the mind says, you aren’t getting involved.”~ Michael Singer in The Untethered Soul

I surrender.

“Seeing into the darkness is clarity. Knowing how to yield is strength. Use your own light and return to the source of light. This is called practicing eternity.”~ Tao Te Ching #52

Everything that was ever truly important is being accomplished around here, just for me.

My sanity. My awakening.

Thank you, family, for leaving the dishes and vacuuming in just that perfect state so that I could watch myself trying to be the Boss of the Universe, and choose peace instead of war.

Who knows what can come next….in such a friendly universe.

Much love, Grace

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, January 14-March 11, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class February 25th.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy. Tuesdays, January 8 – February 26, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, January 11 – March 1, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

January 1, 2013

Happy New Moment!

There are beautiful, sweet, precious, peak moments all throughout our lives. Along with the apparent ugly, sour, ordinary, bottomless-pit moments. And then many in between.

We humans generally like the beautiful ones and shun the ugly ones.

What this “work” of being alive seems to bring is a wider, bigger, more expansive understanding or acceptance of the beauty of it all.

Byron Katie said “Happy New Moment!” to all the people gathered together at The Cleanse.

Can you imagine living your life with the general energy and attitude of absolute-loving-happiness towards each new moment?

I mean really….happy new moment. Now. And now. As you read, do your laundry, go for a jog, take a shower, feed the cat, talk to a friend on the phone.

The moments of this day that don’t seem quite as fun…we have a tool that we can use for broadening our understanding of these moments.

It is, of course, The Work. Identifying your stressful thoughts and beliefs, and asking yourself if they are really true.

Simple perhaps, but tricky. There are so many thoughts!

So if your moment is full of the memory of your mean mother, your neglectful father, your judgmental sister, your over-extended boss, your abusive partner, your lying brother, your cheating boyfriend, your cancer diagnosis, or your annoying clients….you can use this new moment to write out your thoughts and start to question them.

Even if there are so many uncomfortable moments you can remember, just pick the worst one that you can think of right now, and narrow in on that situation only, then write down what you didn’t like about it!

In that terrible, difficult situation…I wanted “x”, I needed “y”. Write down what should or shouldn’t have been said, or done, or thought.

Only then, with the mind on paper, can we really see what to look at most easily.

One of the most profoundly powerful reminders I have received from Katie and all the people who have done the Work with her these past several days, is to sit with the possibility, in this world of duality, that what happened to you, what you didn’t like, had advantages.

What could actually be good about that person saying what they said? Why could it be a good thing that you got that disease? How is it of benefit that that person left, or arrived, when they did? What is an advantage of that thing happening to you? Or NOT happening to you?

This is an incredible thing to discover. It is not an attempt to get you to think positive or deny your very painful experience you had in the past…it is not being all pollyanna on it.

This is admitting…and continuing to see actual advantages for you where before you may have seen it as ALL BAD and EVIL.

Nothing is all bad and evil. At least that’s what I’ve noticed. And the more I find examples of turnarounds for why it is a GOOD THING that it went exactly the way it went….the freer I feel. The more joyful, the more excited, the less fearful.

Less fear is good. I know it, because it feels better.

Not fearing feels natural, simple, peaceful. Not fearing opens up a future you just feel excited about for no reason…you want to clap your hands!

Doing The Work: writing down a painful, stressful thought, and then taking it to the four questions, is very straightforward, very simple. No need to complicate this.

“If you want to learn how to govern, avoid being clever or rich. The simplest pattern is the clearest. Content with an ordinary life, you can show all people the way back to their own true nature.”~Tao Te Ching

Byron Katie suggested to us all yesterday to sit in inquiry 20 minutes a day. Take only one thought and be with it, in silence. Look at it from every angle.

Slowing down and simplifying is the easiest way, the fastest way.

“War ends when you don’t have someone to fight with”. ~ Byron Katie at The Mental Cleanse.

This includes you.

Much love, Grace

December 30, 2012

Live From The Cleanse!

WOW. Today several hundreds of people from all over the world came to gather in a big hotel conference room in Los Angeles, California, to listen to Byron Katie the woman who discovered and practices The Work, a way to question your beliefs that feel painful.

I love how we are all here at the Mental Cleanse, as it’s called, to question our answers.

These are the answers we came up with long ago. These are the answers that landed inside us without even thinking they might not be true….we just thought automatically they were.

Byron Katie suggests that when we have difficult thoughts about someone or something, some event, some entity, ANYTHING, then we are remaining blind to what the truth really is.

We are closing ourselves off, somehow, for some reason. We are centered in fear, in thinking things could be better. We are not relaxed, we have an opinion that it should go another way than it did.

Several incredible people stepped up onto the stage to sit in the empty chair next to Katie. In their hands, they held their worksheets. These are their painful thoughts, written down, on that one person or situation that was deeply disturbing.

To find your painful thoughts, the simple directions are to hold that person or situation in your mind, as clear as you can even if it happened fifty years ago, and write down what you believe you needed, what you wanted, what that person should or should NOT have done, said, or thought.

These are our objections. They come in swarms like flies. They sometimes feel overwhelmingly full of bad yucky feelings….gut-wrenching, deep, horrifying feelings. The kinds many of us want to avoid.

We remember that thing that happened and we say “I don’t ever want to think about it again, I don’t even want anything even remotely close to it to ever, ever happen again.”

Everyone in the room wrote one of these sheets (or maybe two) full of their thoughts about one difficult situation.

They are so brave, so willing, so filled with a desire to stop believing their painful thoughts!

A man spoke of his greatest desire that his own mother would be happy. She seemed to complain constantly. The food is not right, the weather is not right, the amount of time in the car is uncomfortable, the surroundings are not right.

The audience laughed….and it is a laugh of relating to this man, who was wanting his mother to CHANGE.

A woman spoke of her recent cancer, and the terrifying thought that it could be coursing through her whole body, RIGHT NOW!

A mother spoke of her terrible angst with her son who doesn’t pay his bills or his rent on time, so she needs to step in to take care of it.

As we all listened to these brave individuals on stage, or sharing with the microphone to the whole group, honesty is seeping out into the room. We aren’t trying to be spiritual anymore. We’re being REAL.

Rage, despair, fear, sadness is described, with these upsetting people in our lives…brothers, sons, parents, friends…

As I heard other peoples’ thoughts and they brought them into inquiry and began to not take them so seriously, it struck me once again how the people who hurt us are the ones who teach us the most, if we let ourselves be taught.

These people who hurt us? They LOVE us. They are being themselves, full of love, living their lives, and bumping into us in this way that challenges our basic core beliefs.

We have to grow up, or suffer. No other choice.

The suffering begins to stop when conversation happens, when the truth is told, when people move towards and face their most terrible beliefs…the ones they wish they didn’t even think were true.

This cancer needs to leave me alone
She should be happy
He lied to me
He needs to pay his rent
She is stupid
He criticizes me
I hate her voice

With just one thought written on paper, you have one of your “conclusions” or your “answers” right there in front of you, stopped and caught red-handed.

And then you can start to question your answers. Because, as Katie herself says, the Don’t Know Mind is the most fun and wonderful place to be.

I keep finding out that what she says is accurate.

When I turn around my stressful beliefs, and un-do my thought-system, I get goose bumps. I actually feel excited. I don’t need as much sleep. I am thrilled….for no reason.

Because I didn’t find any set answer. I only found that the person WASN’T critical, and I was just as critical by the way, and there’s no one to blame.

Nothing to do, nothing to get, nothing to say, nothing to be…just UN-believing all these thoughts I repeat and repeat, over and over.

“As long as we think there is something to get (or something we’ve gotten that we need to hold onto, or identify with, or remain ever-mindful of), we will suffer. When it is recognized that there is literally nothing to get and no one to get it, that is freedom.“~Joan Tollifson

So I am here at the Cleanse, listening, being, noticing…knowing there are no answers here, but more and more beautiful, holy, open, unknown, mysterious questions.

Everything is good, everything is good.

My life project is, can I see this?

Best. Project. Ever.

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late. You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.“~Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, January 14-March 4, 2013, 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy. Tuesdays, January 8 – February 26, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, January 11 – March 1, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

December 29, 2012

Quick Glance New Classes Starting Soon!

This morning just a quick look below at the fun, powerful, and truly wonderful teleclasses that start this next month. I can’t wait!!

Plus the in-person Seattle weekend on food, eating and your body on January 12 – 13, which is filling up, known affectionately as Horrible Food Wonderful Food: The Live Intensive Version.

I hope you can join us for one of these fabulous groups.

Meanwhile…I just realized this is my anniversary of beginning this Grace Notes blog (thank you to the amazing people, especially Jack, who were so encouraging about this….I love that you couldn’t stop nagging me to WRITE).

I will send my “Live From The Cleanse” updates, as I spend my time with Byron Katie!

If you’re at the Cleanse event in Los Angeles yourself, please come find me and say hello. I love meeting and hearing from you readers. Thanks for all your emails!

Much love, Grace

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, January 14-March 4, 2013, 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy. Tuesdays, January 8 – February 26, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, January 11 – March 1, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

December 28, 2012

I Shouldn’t Have Known Better

Most people have felt at some point in their lives that they have been accused of something they didn’t do. At least not 100%, not intentionally, not with meanness or calculation in their hearts.

You might have rear-ended someone once, or dropped something precious that belonged to someone else, or told a secret you didn’t know you weren’t supposed to tell, or done something that caused someone great fear or rage.

Once I was driving on the freeway with windows rolled down and music playing and it finally occurred to me someone in the lane next to me was honking. When I looked over at her, she flipped me the finger.

I will never know exactly what I did, but whatever it was, she was furious.

It stung in my heart, even though it was a stranger.

I remember another moment when I waited in a very crowded parking lot with my newborn baby in his car seat for a space near the entrance, since my back hurt and I had no stroller. I circled the lot.

Finally someone pulled out and I turned on my blinker, waited, and took the empty parking place left behind. Ten minutes later inside the store a man with fury in his eyes approached me and said “THAT was VERY discourteous of you!!”

Did he have the right person? Who was he? My face got red and flustered. I saw he was indeed looking straight at me and shaking with anger. I asked “What was?”

“YOU TOOK MY PARKING PLACE!”

Hilarious, really.

But at that time, I, too, was then shaking with the man….and I wanted to cry.

If someone is extremely angry with me, I could still have the initial gut-wrenching fearful reaction. But THANK GOD now I have The Work.

I’ve done something unforgivable
Things will never be the same
I deserve to be punished
I am worthy of being hated, left, scorned
I should get out of here

Is it true that you are a piece of dirt, worthy of punishment, a bad person, a thoughtless person? Should you have known better?

No, I can’t know that this is true. Really think about it. Can you know if it’s absolutely true beyond a shadow of a doubt? Given everything you knew right at that exact moment?

Are you sure you could have known better? Are you the ruler of the universe?

Many people will say “YES YES YES! I did know better! I could have paid closer attention! I was doubtful! I had lots of information! I am smart than that! I should have done it differently!”

You see how you are when you believe these thoughts: There is no way out, no way to freedom, no gentleness, no love, no peace….only regret and a sick feeling in your gut.

But who would you be WITHOUT the thoughts that you should have done it differently? Without the thought that you did something wrong, or that you shouldn’t have caused someone pain?

Free. Curious. Excited. Ready to listen. Compassionate towards that other hurting human. Trusting. Willing to relax in the face of all this. Willing to have a DON’T KNOW mind…not jumping to the conclusion that you yourself are a piece of junk.

“True words aren’t eloquent; eloquent words aren’t true. Wise men don’t need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren’t wise. The Master has no possessions. The more he does for others, the happier he is. The more he gives to others, the wealthier he is. The Tao nourishes by not forcing. By not dominating, the Master leads.”~Tao Te Ching #81

When someone is impacted by you and your words, your actions, your behavior, your life and they appear MAD or SAD…instead of imploding into yourself and believing you are BAD BAD BAD…nourish yourself, give love. Take a deep breath. Time out.

No forcing necessary, no need to dominate your negative thoughts, no need to do anything.

The opposite of what you were thinking, the turn-arounds to everything, are all as true as your terribly painful stressful thoughts:

I’ve done something important, something forgivable
It’s wonderful that things are changing and no longer the same
I deserve to live, to be accepted, loved, happy
I am worthy of being loved, connected to, set free
I should stay

Love, Grace

NEW! 2013 January Teleclasses! As always, please write if you need financial assistance. Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, January 14-March 4, 2013, 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy.Tuesdays, January 8 – February 26, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, January 11 – March 1, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.