Most people have felt at some point in their lives that they have been accused of something they didn’t do. At least not 100%, not intentionally, not with meanness or calculation in their hearts.
You might have rear-ended someone once, or dropped something precious that belonged to someone else, or told a secret you didn’t know you weren’t supposed to tell, or done something that caused someone great fear or rage.
Once I was driving on the freeway with windows rolled down and music playing and it finally occurred to me someone in the lane next to me was honking. When I looked over at her, she flipped me the finger.
I will never know exactly what I did, but whatever it was, she was furious.
It stung in my heart, even though it was a stranger.
I remember another moment when I waited in a very crowded parking lot with my newborn baby in his car seat for a space near the entrance, since my back hurt and I had no stroller. I circled the lot.
Finally someone pulled out and I turned on my blinker, waited, and took the empty parking place left behind. Ten minutes later inside the store a man with fury in his eyes approached me and said “THAT was VERY discourteous of you!!”
Did he have the right person? Who was he? My face got red and flustered. I saw he was indeed looking straight at me and shaking with anger. I asked “What was?”
“YOU TOOK MY PARKING PLACE!”
Hilarious, really.
But at that time, I, too, was then shaking with the man….and I wanted to cry.
If someone is extremely angry with me, I could still have the initial gut-wrenching fearful reaction. But THANK GOD now I have The Work.
- I’ve done something unforgivable
- Things will never be the same
- I deserve to be punished
- I am worthy of being hated, left, scorned
- I should get out of here
Is it true that you are a piece of dirt, worthy of punishment, a bad person, a thoughtless person? Should you have known better?
No, I can’t know that this is true. Really think about it. Can you know if it’s absolutely true beyond a shadow of a doubt? Given everything you knew right at that exact moment?
Are you sure you could have known better? Are you the ruler of the universe?
Many people will say “YES YES YES! I did know better! I could have paid closer attention! I was doubtful! I had lots of information! I am smart than that! I should have done it differently!”
You see how you are when you believe these thoughts: There is no way out, no way to freedom, no gentleness, no love, no peace….only regret and a sick feeling in your gut.
But who would you be WITHOUT the thoughts that you should have done it differently? Without the thought that you did something wrong, or that you shouldn’t have caused someone pain?
Free. Curious. Excited. Ready to listen. Compassionate towards that other hurting human. Trusting. Willing to relax in the face of all this. Willing to have a DON’T KNOW mind…not jumping to the conclusion that you yourself are a piece of junk.
“True words aren’t eloquent; eloquent words aren’t true. Wise men don’t need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren’t wise. The Master has no possessions. The more he does for others, the happier he is. The more he gives to others, the wealthier he is. The Tao nourishes by not forcing. By not dominating, the Master leads.”~Tao Te Ching #81
When someone is impacted by you and your words, your actions, your behavior, your life and they appear MAD or SAD…instead of imploding into yourself and believing you are BAD BAD BAD…nourish yourself, give love. Take a deep breath. Time out.
No forcing necessary, no need to dominate your negative thoughts, no need to do anything.
The opposite of what you were thinking, the turn-arounds to everything, are all as true as your terribly painful stressful thoughts:
- I’ve done something important, something forgivable
- It’s wonderful that things are changing and no longer the same
- I deserve to live, to be accepted, loved, happy
- I am worthy of being loved, connected to, set free
- I should stay
Love, Grace
NEW! 2013 January Teleclasses! As always, please write if you need financial assistance. Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.
- Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, January 14-March 4, 2013, 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
- Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy.Tuesdays, January 8 – February 26, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
- Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Thursdays, January 10 – February 28, 2013. 10:00 am – 11:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
- Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, January 11 – March 1, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
In Person workshops:
Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. $215. To register click HERE now and then send me an email grace@workwithgrace.com.
Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June 2013! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.
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