Grace, Author at Question with Grace

January 22, 2013

Are You Trying To Handle The Master Carpenter’s Tools?

I have had many questions recently about how the teleclasses work and what it’s like to participate logistically. Like, “do I need my computer and do I need to watch something online?!”

The good news: all you need is a telephone. Any kind of phone will do. I haven’t gotten fancy yet with webinars or slides or something actually online…although that’s probably coming. But this option is quite simple. You dial in to a regular 9-digit US phone number and then enter a code, and we’re all on the phone together!

Many people like to use Skype as it is then free from their foreign location. This DOES require a computer and the use of the free software by Skype. I am amazed at all the wonderful people calling from Australia, Japan, Germany, Spain, Peru, Mexico. Truly incredible!

And speaking of technology….MY HARD DRIVE CRASHED! ARRRRGGGGH!

What was that? Did you say I might want to do The Work on this situation?

Oh, now that you mention it…I DID notice a moment of exploding thoughts about gizmos and gadgets and hard drives not working. I WOULD call that stressful, yes.

In my Friday Horrible Food Wonderful Food teleclass, the effort to establish the group forum initially didn’t work either. Arrrgghh again.

These moments are so fascinating for watching the mind that wants control, or believes it HAS control, or believes it NEEDS control.

It has such a hissy fit. It should be going THAT way, not THIS way.

This is the landing place of angst, frustration, resentment, suffering. I want it to look like that, I think it should look like that, I need it to look like that…in order to be happy.

I will NOT be happy until it looks the way I think it should look.

my hard drive shouldn’t break
all data needs to be retrieved
this program should work
this shouldn’t take so long
I should understand this. Yesterday.
whose fault is this? Attack them now.

With computers and technology, I find the frustration is so minor, my mind brushes it off as inconsequential. Unimportant, not necessary for investigation. I quickly find that the data I thought I needed is not needed at all.

However, this is absolutely fantastic training ground for awareness of the thought process, since there is not so much invested, according to my mind. The feelings are not very strong, so I can see how the mind works when it’s incredibly self-oriented and all about ME.

Busy finding fault with those people out there who are doing it wrong. Those hard-drive builders, that data-retrieval company, my teenager who dropped the thing in the first place, the people at google or apple who are updating everything so freakin’ fast I can’t keep up.

This mind will do the same thing on seemingly much bigger issues, the ones I care about a lot more.

Like…my body should be like THAT, not like THIS. My girlfriend should be like THAT, not like THIS. My job should be like THAT, not like THIS. The political scene, the corporations, money, traffic, my child, my mother, my father, time, energy, my health, my job, my living situation, that other country, the government, chocolate, the weather.

One of my favorite things Byron Katie says is “who needs God, when we have your opinion?”

But. I can’t be mistaken, could I? That would be alarming. Confusing. Weird. I mean, wouldn’t I lose all my volition, my energy, my push, my drive? If I am not 100% RIGHT then what will I do? I won’t know what to say, think, feel, dream!

I won’t be able to come up with my PLAN for this situation and how it should be handled and managed. I’ll be too passive!

[We interrupt this Grace Notes post to let you know that right in the middle of writing it, half of it suddenly disappeared from the screen with a message about unusual technical difficulty right here in this moment].

I am now laughing!

What are the advantages of having things vanish, break, disappear, get lost, become unretrievable?

I notice that suffering occurs, on some level, every time I think things should be different than they actually are. I also have believed that if I accept WHAT IS, then I myself will become nothing, mean nothing, and not matter. And nothing will ever change (and it needs to, remember?)

What are the advantages for losing my work, losing my hard drive, losing my memory, my former husband, my childhood, my family the way it once was? What are the advantages for losing my health, my youth, my job, my house, my money, my hard drive?

I am here, now, in the present. I notice there is now, and a new thing to think of or do. I notice I don’t need all my recordings on that hard drive, I don’t need the wedding pictures (there are plenty more from other people), I don’t need it to run my classes, I get to buy a new laptop that is new instead of very old.

I notice everything is moving and changing. Nothing is stagnant.

“Our life’s work is to use what we have been given to wake up. If there were two people who were exactly the same—same body, same speech, same mind, same mother, same father, same house, same food, everything the same—one of them could use what he has to wake up and the other could use it to become more resentful, bitter, and sour. It doesn’t matter what you’re given, whether it’s physical deformity or enormous wealth or poverty, beauty or ugliness, mental stability or mental instability, life in the middle of a madhouse or life it he middle of a peaceful, silent desert. Whatever you’re given can wake you up or put you to sleep.”~Pema Chodron

For me, I am nodding off when I start in on those people, that technology, or this situation that is BAD and needs to be FIXED.

There she goes, falling asleep into the irritable, intolerant, anxious, sad, all-about-me mind!

I remember, at some point, to question my thinking.

Because I find over and over again that without making war on a situation, amazingly, it seems that it’s actually MORE likely to change.

Well, it usually does anyway, whether I’m trying to get it to change or not.

“If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve. Trying to control the future is like trying to take the master carpenter’s place. When you handle the master carpenter’s tools, chances are that you’ll cut your hand.”~ Tao Te Ching #74

I used to cut my hands over and over again. They were a bloody mess. OUCH. Just so unhappy and so full of thoughts about my predicament being terrible. Life seemed sooooo hard.

But with The Work, letting go of the outcome, turning my thinking around to the opposite, finding advantages for my present situation….my hands only appear to have little nicks and scratches on them.

And today, with this technology “break down” thing, I notice my “hands” are pain-free. In fact, they look pretty lovely. They look fascinating! Who made these hands? What made these hands? Who or what do they belong to?! Freakin’ Incredible!

Love, Grace

January 20, 2013

I Get Mail About My Intimacy Class

You’ll notice I didn’t use the words, “sexuality class” in the subject line. That’s because the spam filters will sometimes block e-mails with those kinds of “bad” titles and nasty words. The word “intimate” is more innocuous and acceptable.

And speaking of THAT CLASS…here’s a note from a guy who’s taken it before. It sums up what I like so much about this amazing class (which is starting on Tuesday at 6:30 Pacific time).

————-

Hi Grace,

Here’s why I’m taking your sexuality teleclasses again.

For one thing, I just like being in a class that I’ve committed to, because I know how sneaky my mind can be.

By being in the class, I’m doing what I really WANT, instead of believing it when my mind says, “I don’t have time,” or, “I don’t want to bother with this today…another day would definitely be better.”

And I’m amazed how often I think these thoughts just before doing The Work…as my mind looks for an escape hatch…but afterward I’m so grateful…and this happens time after time after time.

Another reason is that doing The Work in a group continues to diffuse the charge on ALL the sexual topics…hearing “the words” said out loud and hearing other people saying my exact same thoughts.

I feel my body relax when I hear other talk about how they react (Question 3) and it reminds me of places in me I hadn’t thought of, or that I was trying to keep at bay and under wraps.

Actually, I’ve thought about it a lot…that what we share and drop into in just a few minutes on these teleclasses, is what used to take me years…of getting to know someone…and then sending out feelers for a while to see if it’s safe…and only THEN getting to the stuff I protect and keep in the deep dark recesses of my hidden mind.

And during the classes, I continue to progressively relax and it seems to get even better as the weeks go by and we “break the ice”…the people become friends after we’ve all had the guts to actually SAY what (awful, horrible, despicable) things really go on in our heads instead of trying to look good or hide.

It’s such a relief.

And I see myself just being more open and hiding less in my daily life with “ordinary” people (who seem to be getting nicer, more open, smarter, friendlier, and more receptive).

Also, I have two friends from a teleclass about 2 years ago, and we’ve continued to do The Work almost every week since then. Our trust level has deepened and we’ve learned about each other’s lives and offer quick e-mails of support and sharing during the week. That was another gift I never planned on.

But it isn’t just sexuality issues that have changed. I feel better about my body, the way it works, the way it responds, and have dropped judgments that I wasn’t aware of until I realize they’re just not there anymore…harsh judgments of both others and myself.

I also notice how the “sexuality issues” are almost never really about sexuality…it’s about expectations, needing and wanting approval, anxiety relief, believing how other people

SHOULD be, how I should feel…the usual suspects!

One specific example I loved seeing during the last session was thinking back to being with my partner and wanting her to initiate sex…but of course, I didn’t say anything that night, I was just lying in bed, facing the other direction, arms crossed, pissed, resentful, pouting, and stubborn as a mule.

And when she unexpectedly started moving toward me, both emotionally and sexually, I was so far down the road of resentment that I said I didn’t want to! Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

But now, I can just laugh and be kind to myself in seeing how I was innocent and didn’t have the tools at the time…instead of bringing out the hair shirt and whip to punish myself for yet ANOTHER emotionally stunted response.

Day by day, I’m gentler with myself.

Another thing I’m grateful for is a great friend who’s a straight guy who DOESN’T do The Work…yet our relationship has deepened so much since doing the first sexuality class.

Now I tell him all about what I’m noticing and we talk about all sorts of sexuality issues. I’ve never had another man to talk to on this level of intimacy.

Frankly, we’re both astonished, yet it seems so normal and ordinary…another unexpected, precious gift.

Sometimes I try to figure out what it is that makes The Work, actually work. My best “analysis” is it’s a combination of opening and shining light on our hidden world, catharsis, intellectual understanding, sharing in the presence of another, honesty, truth, actually feeling our bodies and emotions, seeing our thoughts and images as just thoughts and images, educating our minds, learning to love each other and ourselves.

In other words, all of the above and a bunch of other things I’m sure I don’t notice. But really, I don’t really know or need to know I just keep doing it and noticing.

So thanks for doing what you’re doing with these classes…and how you share yourself too, just like the example in your “Grace-Notes” e-mail about the strip club a couple days ago. That was revealing and pretty funny!

We’re ALL so funny…weird and wonderful.

Much love,

Jack

I loved this letter, so thorough, so thoughtful. If you’re wanting to join a group, we’ve got the Sexuality class starting on Tuesday…then All About Earning Money–Money, Work, and Business starting Feb. 4th, and Relationships starting at the end of March.

We’ve got a fantastic co-facilitated in-person workshop at the end of June, only 4 months away, on the body. Food, eating, embarrassment, aging, our appearance, aches and pains. All of these are pathways to awareness! Come do The Work!

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy. Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

In Person workshops:
Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June 2013! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.

If you like this article, forward it to friends, family or colleagues. To get on the list to receive these directly via email, go to www.workwithgrace.com and enter your email in the sidebar. Your email will not be sold or used for any other purpose than these Grace Notes articles and announcements. You can Unsubscribe at any time by clicking at the bottom of any newsletter.

January 19, 2013

You Should Be Attracted

Yesterday I wrote about the dreaded experience of someone saying “you’re not my type!”

But in our human experience, we also notice great angst when we we think we SHOULD be attracted to someone when we are, in fact, not.

An amazing client working with me in my starting days as a facilitator came to me in excruciating emotional pain. She was leaving her husband of 20 years. She had tried, and tried and tried to feel attracted to him, to no avail.

It can feel like being forced to eat some kind of lousy tasting food when we are not even hungry (although I’ve had this experience, too, but that’s another topic!)

Or like being forced to wear a jacket when we’re already too hot. Suffocating.

That Dictator Voice will come in and demand change of you. Not only should you be attracted, but you should be attracted 85% of the time, if you are in a long-term committed relationship. You should desire physical contact, and you should be grateful and nice.

Your partner is so kind, steady, thoughtful, or such a good provider. Can’t you just FIND IT? COME ON!!

You used to think he was hot, and he still thinks YOU are hot, so this is simply unfair, wrong, and unreasonable. It’s the least you could do.

If the truth is going to hurt someone, then you should keep your mouth shut.

The problem is, the pressure becomes like an underwater boiling lake ready to burst up like geysers through the surface.

The woman I was working with began at some point to simply avoid sitting around at home. She avoided conversation, she avoided confrontation, she got really busy with laundry, tasks, work…she avoided her husband’s anger, sadness, and the terrible guilt.

Years can go by for people in this predicament, where no one actually says anything and no one knows how to make a change.

A simple way to get out (and I know it’s not really simple) is to become interested in someone else. A new attraction.

Another way, is Inquiry.

And heck, you can mix ’em up together if that’s the way of it. The way of Reality is any or all of it, I notice.

What do you notice happening when you do not connect with what is true for you, in this moment, and acknowledge it somehow? What happens when you start putting up with stuff you don’t really like? Or feeling trapped?

the truth will hurt my partner
I should never hurt anyone
if my partner knew my thoughts, she would feel rejected
I should never reject anyone
if my partner knew of my lack of attraction to him, he would be angry
I should never make anyone feel angry
if my partner knew how I’m not that interested, she would be desperately sad
I should never make anyone that sad

You shouldn’t make anyone, ever, feel bad. Bad feelings are terrible. YOU can MAKE someone feel them, if you don’t watch out. They can make you feel bad, too.

IS THAT TRUE?

Hmmm. It seems true. Ever since I was a kid. My dad made me sad, my mom made me angry, my grandparents made me scared, my sisters made me upset.

How do I react when I believe this thought, that other people can make me feel bad, and that I can make other people feel bad?

Very, very careful. Very. Careful. I smile a lot. I’m nice. I laugh when it’s not funny.

Who or What would I be without the thought that anyone can make anyone else feel bad?

Like a tree.

Still on the inside. Looking. Kind of excited. Alive. Buzzing, humming. Free. No matter who is around.

I would hear words coming out of someone, like “I don’t want to talk to you” or “I am crushed by what you’ve just said” and I would have a spark of trust that all is OK anyway. Even if hurt feelings are present.

“In the moment I see you as ugly, I am ugly….It is the moment my mind attacks you. In that moment “ugly” has entered my world. No one can hurt me, that’s my job. In the moment I see you as terrible and unkind, in that moment, my life becomes unkind. It can never, ever be what you say that hurts me, it’s what I think about you that is hurting me.”~Byron Katie

When I think it’s ME who is the hurtful one, and I feel upset…I pause, I breathe, I remember that I can be filled with loving kindness even though I am saying something that is distressing someone else.

In the moment I see you as vulnerable and hurt, I am vulnerable and hurt. In the moment I see you as needing to be protected from the truth, I see how much I want to be protected from the truth.

I turn the thoughts around, that bad feelings can be made and that they are terrible and awful and should always be avoided:

not telling the truth will hurt my partner, not telling the truth will hurt me, telling the truth will heal my partner and heal me
rejection is not terrible, rejection is full of learning, rejection is freeing
anger is love and care with a few rockets attached to it, it’s strong, it fades, we survive it
not being interested is a relief, a message, a joy, not a problem

Living in the turnarounds, I find everything moves and changes, feelings shift and come and go.

Nothing is guaranteed. Attracted, repulsion, towards, away.

Reality changes, reality is never fixed, reality moves.

“Life moves, undulates, breathes in and out, contracting and expanding. This is its nature, the nature of what is. Whatever is, is on the move. Nothing remains the same for very long. The mind wants everything to stop so that it can get its foothold, find its position, so it can figure out how to control life. Through the pursuit of material things, knowledge, ideas, beliefs, opinions, emotional states, spiritual states, and relationships, the mind seeks to find a secure position from which to operate. The mind seeks to nail life down and get it to stop moving and changing.”~Adyashanti

If you find you are NOT attracted anymore to someone, and think you should be, Our Wonderful Sexuality is a wonderful place to be. We look at all angles and aspects of relationship through our past. We start next Tuesday evening 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. Only a few spots left…join us!

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy. Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

January 18, 2013

How Shocking! He’s Not Attracted To Me!

Wow, I got so many notes and emails from people responding to my Grace Note yesterday on Fearing Desire. WONDERFUL comments!

One of the most interesting things I have noticed, in all the teleclasses I teach but ESPECIALLY in the Sexuality class, is people noticing at some point in the process of inquiring into their thinking is that this is about so much more than sex.

This work is about feeling fear when someone does something, or asks for something, or wants something, or says they need something, especially from YOU…whether that looks like physical contact or not.

This work is about feeling the stress that flows through you when someone says they are attracted to you, or when you are attracted to them…or perhaps when they DON’T like you and they don’t want anything from you.

Human connection and communication, relationships, asking for what you want, responding to others when they ask for what they want…this dynamic shows up in almost every relationship.

It is far beyond the experience of sexuality, but the arena of sexuality is so wonderful, so filled with mood, emotion, arousal, disappointment, pleasure, demand, intrigue, hope…that it is one of the most powerful exchanges to study.

We get to find out what we really, really think we want. We get to see what the moment is like, what we are believing when we are disturbed or uncomfortable.

As Byron Katie suggests, we are looking here at the stressful thoughts, not the relaxing, peaceful ones. Those loving ones we may as well keep. They are kind and gentle.

The tougher, nervy ones go like this:

If I move towards that person, I could get hurt
If that person moves towards me, I need to run away
If I like that person, I will hurt someone else
If that person likes me, they are wrong/confused/pushy
I have to do something with this feeling of attraction
That person (those people) are out of control with their feelings
I must get satisfied!
When that person does THAT, says THAT, moves that way…it’s freaky
I need to be liked, I need people to think I’m attractive

We assume things constantly, with a tiny gesture, with a facial expression. We wonder what it means. We stay quiet and don’t ask, because it’s frightening to think of speaking up. Or we may be boisterous and loud, but still full of assumptions that may not be spot on. We keep secrets.

This expression within sexuality can contain what is uncomfortable in human interaction, and what we’re most afraid of. It’s about how we perceive desire, wanting, emptiness, dischord, anxiety.

When my mind used to be so full of all these kinds of thoughts about what that other person might mean, what I should or shouldn’t be doing or feeling, and believing that what I want, say, or think could be bad…it was paralyzing.

I discovered that I could take one single situation that involved physical touch, attraction, or affection, and see a whole box full of stressful ideas from that one single moment.

Once a man I was on a date with said to me after spending a whole day together, having a great time talking (I thought) “you know, you really aren’t my type.”

It was like a knife went through my gut. I had to control myself from crying (must not show that I’m affected by his words–an additional stressful thought of course).

Oh the agony that one human man on the planet didn’t think I was his type!!!

Now, while I look at that moment as somewhat surprising…..I can say DANG, that was direct and blunt! That was awesome! No guessing where I stood, that’s for sure.

It was an amazing moment in not taking something personally. Although…heh heh. I took it sooooo personally (remember the knife) there was not even a half-second before my reaction.

Boy, the seething viciousness of my own mind later was incredible. All because of someone saying they were not attracted to me.

But I did The Work. I investigated what the heck was happening in that moment, for me. I dove into that terrible blistering moment like my life depended on it.

I turned that thought around…”he should have said that, he should not be attracted to me (if he’s not, I mean…duh), he should tell me the truth straight up, he should not pull any punches, I do not need flattery, I am not rejected, I am still attractive—to myself and to other men”.

I realized that all of those were just as true. I realized all the importance and power I gave those words from his mouth.

I even realized he didn’t necessarily mean them to be hurtful to me! He knew I could handle it!

“Who would you be in people’s presence without, for example, the story that anyone should care about you, ever? You would be love itself. When you believe the myth that people should care, you’re too needy to care about people or about yourself. The experience of love can’t come from anyone else; it can come only from inside you.”~Byron Katie

Every time there is a jolt in me that puts up a shield, or something inside that starts to gather rocks, I know I’ve got attack-mode engaged. Not really that useful or fun.

Who would I be without my story that this whole sexuality business is a sensitive topic, that we have to be careful and delicate, that it’s weird, or private, or personal….or really all that important? What if I gave up moving towards, moving away, and just noticed?

I’d start a teleclass on the topic.

“Ego is the movement of the mind toward objects of perception in the form of grasping, and away from objects in the form of aversion. This fundamentally is all the ego is.”~Adyashanti

The Our Wonderful Sexuality starts on Tuesday 1/22. Join us if you’d like to look at love, attraction, anger, first kiss, your longest-term relationship….and question what happened.

Love, Grace

January 17, 2013

Fearing Desire

Sexuality is a pretty sensitive topic, in most cultures. There are delicate nuances to become aware of, from quite young, about what is right or wrong, acceptable, or condemned.

We learn through flashes of conversation, or words, or gestures what people might be doing or not doing. Some of us have more exposure than others. It seems the adults are involved in something that children aren’t quite in tune with yet.

Many of us learn in a more direct manner about the biology and physiology of human sexuality in school, or from books.

The dictionary defines sexuality as the capacity to have responses or feelings that are filled with desire.

And yet so many people grapple with conflict around their own desires or other peoples’ desires.

We think “I don’t WANT to be capable of having desires! I want to STOP all feelings of desire! And while we’re at it….I want those disgusting other people to stop THEIR feelings of desire! Someone could get hurt!”

DESIRE. There is either too much or not enough of it. Plus it’s dangerous to even mention.

We think bad things happen when there is too much desire, like overeating. Like there is a phantom or ghost who wants to eat and eat and doesn’t get satiated. It’s obsessive, over-heated, crazed, powerful.

Bad things happen when there is too little desire, like numbness, lack of feeling, lack of fun, like loss of appetite, carefulness, fear, solitude.

Socrates said, “Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.”

This study of desire and attraction grows the awareness of the flashlight beam pointing towards THAT THING OVER THERE. The feelings surrounding it all can be incredibly fascinating when we look, without so much judgment.

The first time I wrote a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet on someone with whom I was in a love relationship including physical contact, I edited myself the whole way through. I skipped the specific moments that brought out the most rage because those moments happened in intimate situations.

Then I realized that I had done this, and I wrote it freely, with all my petty, mean, vicious, angry judgments pouring forth. I thought to myself, I will just keep this to myself and do The Work on these thoughts ALL BY MYSELF. I will NEVER get facilitated on this.

But then I heard Byron Katie working with people on moments of physical or sexual contact with other people that were very troubling, and I remembered that when I first read Loving What Is, I almost gasped out loud when reading about a woman who was sexually abused as a child with an adult.

I thought, “Wait….you mean Katie is talking about even looking at THIS when it comes to our relationship with reality? But this IS terrible and horrifying and damaging for life, I could NEVER accept it!”

I wrote down my most foul, caustic, violent thoughts about those terrible abusers that mixed sexuality up with power and fear. I wanted to know the truth, for myself.

One day, I was driving by the strip club that is about a mile from my little cottage. I wrote down my thoughts later on this horrible place, that I hoped my children didn’t notice, even though there is a gigantic pair of women’s legs flashing in neon light 24 hours a day.

Then it occurred to me that I had never actually been inside the place, or any place like it, and I was scared of it. My ideas were all based on movies, hearsay and fear. I was mad at the sign…but what was that about?

A couple of weeks later, I went inside.

I looked, with open eyes, and had a very wide range of thoughts and feelings about all of it. I noted my most stressful thoughts. I had thoughts about the dancers, the men, the people who worked there, the person taking tickets…I mean, everyone there had so many problems!

Wow. I also saw beauty, and I saw that I didn’t really know what was going on.

By doing The Work this experience, I got the opportunity to ask more people about their experiences of attraction, romance, lust, and the differences between all of them. I asked people, if I could find them, why they liked going to such places, what they got out of it. It was so fascinating.

I got to facilitate many people through their beliefs about situations they felt disturbed by in their own lives that were similar.

I went for it and got facilitated by actual people on my own interests, attractions, lust, desires…by questioning awkward moments, scary moments, uncomfortable weird moments with other humans, I have grown beyond any boundaries I ever had around this topic.

To get that everyone is doing the best they can, is truly amazing. To get how fear brings on this huge wall of resistance and pain is such a relief.

I’ve never been interested in returning to the strip club, but I also notice, I’ve never thought the sign shouldn’t be there flashing itself anymore. Right now in this moment as I write, I discover I forgot all about it.

Next week there is still space in the teleclass Our Wonderful Sexuality class starting on Tuesday evenings 1/22 Pacific time (6:30-8:00 pm). If you’ve had the thought that you would never want to expose, or write about, or do the work “publicly” on this topic relating to sexuality or anything like it….this is a super safe, open container for questioning your most painful beliefs about it.

We have eight sessions and eight different exercises designed to help you write about those uncomfortable or disturbing situations that you want to investigate. Then we take the stressful thoughts to inquiry!

“We do not know what is outside the walls of the prison of our mind, because we have never ventured there. While our fear projects what is there, it cannot know. Fear cannot leave the prison because it must always guard its inmates. But, if the self collapses, if the walls come down, is it fear that remains, or is it freedom?” ~ Steven Harrison in Doing Nothing.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

January 16, 2013

The Path of Least Resistance Is For Losers

Many of us have heard of the phrase to take or avoid the path of least resistance. I think my father used it when I was quite young, reading it out of a book. He seemed thoughtful about it, and that it was good news.

It sounds easy. It sounds comfortable.

But some people think it’s a dangerous way to live.

H.G. Wells said “the path of least resistance is the path of the loser!”

Henry David Thoreau said “the path of least resistance leads to crooked roads and crooked men.”

GOSH! Those lazy, crooked, lying, LOSERS! I better go for the path with the MOST resistance, to be on the safe side. If it’s too easy, it could be bad news!

The other day I worked with a client on her young adult son who is expressing new defiance towards her in his life.

Often, people will say “if I do The Work, if I question all my beliefs…I’ll just accept and love everything and lie down on the floor like a bump and express nothing, do nothing, offer nothing, resist nothing.”

Truly allowing what is? NEVER! I need to resist, I need to push, I need to force, I need to BAM-POW-WHAM like Batman!

In physics, the path of least resistance is a natural phenomena. It’s the law, actually. Water always takes this path. All objects take the easiest path when they move through a system.

I love the martial arts directive “mind like water”. It’s written on my car steering wheel.

I notice thoughts appear. Thoughts within us rise. Here they are. You can’t stop them. They have energy. You can’t stop “thinking”.

I figure The Work, or the capacity to slow down and be with something and not know precisely and with hell-bent opinion that it’s true, is like the hill, the landscape, the way of it.

Yes, the thinking starts to run in grooves when you repeat them over and over and over again, starting at a very early age perhaps. The grooves, when unquestioned, can become as big as the Grand Canyon.

At the bottom of the Grand Canyon, you might have thoughts like:

it will take years to get out of here
I made a mistake
this sucks
this is hopeless, boring, frustrating, agonizing
I should have been questioning my thinking before this, then I wouldn’t be HERE
I should have resisted more
I didn’t resist, and now I’m a loser

Is this actually true? Can you know there is no next step, nothing now, and now, and change, and now?

Can we know that if we don’t resist something or someone, like our defiant son, that he will be lost, ruined, at the bottom of the canyon too?

Can we really know that the path of MOST resistance is the best path, the winner path, the successful path?

The mind loves to warn you about the bad stuff and bad people that could start appearing, have you noticed?

Who would you be without the thought that right now, in this moment, it will take years to get out of here, to change, that you made a mistake, that this sucks and is frustrating, that you should have gotten this earlier, you should have been more resistant, that you shouldn’t be here now?

Free. Excited. Joyful!

I might even do a little dance, I might jump for joy, I might feel like running up a hill! I might notice something new. I might have a wild, creative idea.

I might hug that defiant child of mine and tell him how amazing he is! I might ask him for more of his opinions, to tell me EVERYTHING he’s thinking about me.

Without resistance.

You might scan the landscape of your life with new eyes:

it will take less than a second to get out of here, it will certainly not take years
I did not make a mistake
this is exciting, awesome, fun, fascinating, an interesting predicament
I am here at just the right moment, just the right time
I should have resisted less
I didn’t resist, and now I’m a winner

“Whoever relies on the Tao in governing men doesn’t try to force issues or defeat enemies by force of arms. For every force there is a counterforce. Violence, even well intentioned, always rebounds upon oneself. The Master does his job and then stops. He understands that the universe is forever out of control, and that trying to dominate events goes against the current of the Tao. Because he believes in himself, he doesn’t try to convince others. Because he is content with himself, he doesn’t need others’ approval. Because he accepts himself, the whole world accepts him.”~ Tao Te Ching # 30

Feeling the need to force myself, to resist something, to resist someone else, I notice I am not believing in myself. I am not believing in the other.

I do not lie down, in my acceptance, for that would not really be fun, or easy.

I notice the path of least resistance is relaxing, waiting, sweet, non-violent, open, courageous, willing, peaceful. I notice the path of least resistance is full of love, like a little kid running towards its mom or dad.

I notice the path of least resistance accepts that the universe is out of control….like thinking.

Love, Grace

P.S. Last call, a spot left for Friday’s teleclass Horrible Food Wonderful Food, Noon – 1:30 Pacific time. Click below to register or send email with questions to grace@workwithgrace.com.

My Relationship With Food Changed After Your Class

“Dear Grace, I wanted to tell you that after I took your class for two months, I have never had the same difficult relationship with food again. That is a miracle. It’s been six months now, and I still can hardly believe it. I am simply not worried any more about my food, and this changed everything. I recommend it to anyone I know with eating troubles.”~EK Horrible Food Wonderful Food class participant

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

January 15, 2013

I Wish That Person Was Happy

Wow, there is nothing like doing The Work with a kind, interested, curious group of inquirers for hours together during a weekend.

I absolutely loved the group that assembled these past two days in Seattle.

I noticed a little mosquito-sized thought entering my mind by the end of the second day: I want everyone to find relief, inspiration, happiness, or hope during this weekend.

I want them to have an AH-HA moment! I want them to be AMAZED by their own power to ask themselves if what they are believing is true! I want them to be EXCITED! I want them to be CHANGED after this weekend and go off into the sunset Renewed!

Good lord. Have you ever wanted someone close to you to be happy? It just seems like such a benign little thought, such a good-hearted little happy positive thought, such a nice thought.

Wait….what? Did you say co-dependent? That I might be over there in Other Peoples’ Business?

Ooopsie Daisy! Heh Heh.

It is actually quite stressful to wish that someone else is happy, or “gets” something, or feels better.

And it is entirely hopeless.

This past weekend was for me, no one else. It was a practice in being of service, which is incredibly powerful and joyful. It was a practice in being honest, authentic, real, open.

This past weekend was my practice at telling the truth of my story, and the truth of how it changed, knowing that for some people, it seems to be very inspiring to learn about.

I happen to be a human being that once was insane around food.

I could not be in the presence of food without becoming afraid, angry, or condemned. I hated vegetables because they were the only thing I was supposed to be eating without guilt. I hated sugary sweet things because to even imagine eating them meant I was a terrible, greedy, disgusting person.

How incredible to have FOOD, a thing which we apparently need to live in these bodies, be something of such danger. I could slip at any minute into the You Are Bad category. Or be pure in the You Are Good category based on what I chose to eat.

I feel so grateful not to be there anymore. To see all food with equal joy and gratitude. All food as my friend, whether chocolate chips or broccoli.

But how did I get here? It seems like a long and winding road. Learning just a little bit more all the time. Sometimes learning something big, that felt like a leap forward.

I wish I could give it to the people who suffer around food. But everyone seems to have their own path, their own journey.

Now, my work is to allow those people who are suffering to be as they are.

So I want that person or those people to feel better, to feel relief, inspiration, joy, hope, excitement, change or peace….is that absolutely 100% true?

YES!!

Who in your life do you wish would feel better?

How do you react when you believe that thought?

Fretful, hand-wringing, I keep thinking about them, images of them come to mind, I worry. I call them up, I send them emails, I think of ways they could find relief, I offer suggestions.

I might clench my jaws, I might feel concern, and spend time thinking about them. Their image keeps coming into my mind like a broken movie clip flashing over and over. It’s rather mad.

Eeewwww. Yuck. It is not that fun to be in other peoples’ business this way.

Who would you be without the thought that someone else, or a whole group of other people, should feel better than they do?

“Thinking that people are supposed to do or be anything other than what they are is like saying that the tree over there should be the sky. I investigated that and found freedom.”~Byron Katie

Without the thought that anyone should learn, get, or find anything, in my presence or out of my presence, I am so mysteriously open. I am shaking my head in the strangeness and beauty of them all. I am fascinated by whatever state I see anyone in. I am trusting.

I am allowing everything to be as it is. I am letting go.

“You just act sometimes as if you’re God, as if you need to make things happen. I noticed that things happen with or without me, people approve of me or they don’t. It has nothing to do with me. This is really good news, since it leaves me responsible for my own happiness. It leaves me to do nothing but live my life as kindly and intelligently as I can. If you don’t notice and aren’t grateful, I understand. It’s only me I’m dealing with, and that is enough for a lifetime.”~Byron Katie

The turnarounds are actually truer than my original beliefs about other people. In fact, they are the only true beliefs…and maybe not even those, actually:

I want ME to have an AH-HA moment! I want ME to be AMAZED by my own power to ask myself if what I am believing is true! I want me to be EXCITED! I want me to be CHANGED after this weekend and go off into the sunset Renewed!

Done.

Love, Grace

P.S. Last call, a spot left for Friday’s teleclass Horrible Food Wonderful Food, Noon – 1:30 Pacific time. Click below to register or send email with questions to grace@workwithgrace.com.

My Relationship With Food Changed After Your Class

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy.Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Fridays, January 18 – March 15, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks. No class 2/22.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

January 13, 2013

Welcoming and Entertaining Pain, Sickness and Death

I don’t always email on Sundays, but I know many of you have been waiting very patiently for the new tele course Pain, Sickness and Death…

Yes, you read that correctly, if this is new to you. This will be looking in depth at some of our greatest, most frightening, terrified observations and thoughts about being here on this planet.

Our relationship to death, dying, disease, and pain of any form.

If you are interested and have hopes that the class is offered in a certain time zone that works for you, let me know. Since I live in Pacific time, it’ll have to be during my waking hours.

I have to admit, part of me is solidly and defiantly interested in NOT thinking about pain, sickness or death.

Gosh..can’t we just look at the fun parts of life? I mean, do I HAVE to look in-depth at death, trauma, accidents, cancer, pain, losing people, wars, destruction? JEEZ.

I’d rather go to the beach.

In fact, I’ve spent a fair amount of time kicking and screaming and doing everything possible (eat, drink, smoke, distract) to NOT look at these subjects.

But what I notice, and I bet you do too, is that most of us are very, very interested in these topics. And actually, making peace with them, even just a little, is astonishing in how it makes life look more beautiful somehow.

Everyone has had contact with death, sudden change, or pain. Nobody escapes it.

In the past year I have done the work several times on a terrible and intense stomach pain I occasionally experience. I have gone to the doctor to have it checked and had the colonoscopy (I had some beliefs about that all by itself).

It’s a pain that has come and gone for about 10 years, sometimes being so strong in the beginning that I was doubled over and writhing, not able to walk, and breaking out in a sweat.

Over time, I actually one day when having this pain had the thought “is this true?” in the middle of the wave of experiencing it. How odd to even remember the question. It just came into my mind!

And then the thought “I can’t relax, this is horrible”. And seeing that maybe that was not true either. Could I actually relax in the middle of this pain?

I could. Weird. Hard to describe. And then it vanished.

It has come back since then, and I feel open to it. Like “oh…here YOU are, whatever you are, hows it going?”

This feels very different, certainly a completely unusual way of feeling the sensation of pain than I ever felt before. The feeling was still there, but I also thought I was OK at the very same time.

“This being human is a guest house, every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, becasue each has been sent as a guide form beyond.”~Rumi The Guest House

The Work is about welcoming and entertaining them ALL. When the monsters and sorrows and physical agony are allowed here…who knows what can happen.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy. Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food: Healing the Love/Hate Relationship with Eating, Food, and Our Bodies. Fridays, January 18 – March 15, 2013 Noon – 1:30 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks. No class 2/22.
Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.

January 12, 2013

I Won’t Change Unless I Loathe Myself

This week I’ve talked with three wonderful people of very different ages and walks of life, all of whom wanted to do a session around their food, eating and body image troubles.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve had one year of unhappy eating, or a lifetime of unhappy eating…it’s painful, and that word “painful” doesn’t really sum it up.

I remember my battle with food. It was violent, crushing, despairing. I wanted to kill myself rather than live with such agony about what was “right” or “wrong” or “good” or “bad” about food.

One angel that I found to help me was author Geneen Roth. She had experienced similar violence and despair in this basic necessity of life: eating. She had been an 80 pound anorexic and a very heavy compulsive over-eater.

To the “normal” eater, being compulsive about food and eating can look extremely strange. Heck, it even looks strange to those of us with so-called abnormal relationships with food.

One of my favorite beliefs to question, way back when I first read Geneen’s book on recovering from emotional eating in the 1980s, was that I needed to control what I ate.

She wrote that if she continued to believe that she needed to control her weight, control her eating, control the content of her food…that she would, in fact, kill herself.

She said “Give up dieting. Period.”

I knew what she was saying was right for me. Because I hated with a passion all the diets anyway. I hated the fear and anxiety, the hunger, the attempt at perfection, and I hated weighing myself. I hated caring so much about what I weighed.

I knew that being thin did not offer happiness. I held onto that for a couple of years, almost anorexic, running cross-country competitively in college (briefly). I KNEW that forcing or controlling the food I ate was not joy. Over-eating was not joy, under-eating was not joy.

Recently I was remembering with a very good friend a time within the last decade when I threw myself more passionately into exercise, dance, biking, moving. My clothes got loose. I got compliments from people.

It was a kind of giddy, changing time. Divorce, rapid change, awareness, opening mind. I could eat snacks all day long and never cook and do whatever I wanted. I got extra light and airy.

But anything out of balance does not last. That body was not perfectly at peace at that time. It didn’t breathe deeply. And the energy shifted and slowly my clothes fit just right again. Who knows what the weight difference was, I don’t really know.

This kind of freedom to be whatever I am in the moment was unheard of in my past. Oh no. Always Something Wrong. Always Something To Improve. Always Thinner Is Better.

But I got a little whiff of freedom when reading Geneen Roth so many years ago. I knew this whole entire eating business was deeper than I thought.

I knew I could question “there is something WRONG with me” because I go on these frantic binges.

With a binge, I would believe: I loathe myself, I am worthless, I am immature, I am ridiculous, I am sick, I am pointless, I’m a freak.

I imagined that if I really believed I was OK, then I would keep binge-eating like a maniac out of control forever. All that self-hate was necessary for me to CHANGE.

If I didn’t hate myself, I wouldn’t even TRY to change, right?

Love myself? Impossible!

“Not wanting to change what is becomes a state of mind that is literally unimaginable. There’s no sacrifice in it, no deprivation–quite the opposite, in fact. It means to gain everything, the everything that is already yours, and the effect is peace. People who use The Work at home as a practice tell me that they find their own freedom. There is such joy in that, such peace, and it’s a story that can’t be told.”~Byron Katie

Can you imagine NOT wanting to change anything about food? Just let it be there?

Can you imagine closing your eyes and asking yourself, as if you are a little beautiful gorgeous precious being, if you are hungry or not, and exactly what you feel like eating?

Can you imagine waiting, taking a deep breath, slowing everything down, and giving up the idea that you better control yourself, or else?

Can you imagine not being surrounded by rules about food, or thinness, or fatness, and just seeing what is actually true for you only?

“The infinite is not somewhere else waiting for us to become worthy”. ~Tony Parsons

If you want to come explore your beliefs that you’ve repeated to yourself about foods, eating, your weight, thinness, and fatness, hunger and fullness….then join the teleclass Horrible Food Wonderful Food that starts next Friday Jan. 18th at noon Pacific time. 8 weeks (no class 2/22).

I Haven’t Enjoyed A Meal For Twenty Years, Until Now: Dear Grace, I had nice Thai food yesterday and caught myself thinking afterwards: I REALLY enjoyed this meal. Nothing more, nothing less. I can’t recall any time in the past 20 years when I had a thought like that. Thank you.~LP, teleclass participant

Opening Up By Looking At Food: So grateful for this whole process…the group…other people’s stories, friends, experiences, learning, so curious, relieved as I see food/eating opening up before my very eyes…~JB teleclass participant

Love, Grace

January 11, 2013

Money Is None Of Your Business

Last May after writing these Grace Notes for about 6 months, I received a paypal donation of $10. A month later someone sent $100. A couple months after that I got $25 and then another $10. And then $100 again.

Now that is a weird thing, when your beliefs about money and how you get it is supposed to be hard work, and you’re supposed to be selling something or doing something that feels work-ish.

When it first happened, I thought “what is this? is there some mistake?”

This person out in the world who had sent me that first $10 also sent me an email saying she was tithing to what supports her in her personal inner journey. And that would be these posts.

You mean, just by being myself and having this practice of writing…which actually feels like it’s for me, people express their appreciation by sending money?

Holy Moly. I was so moved. And I saw with more clarity some of my own assumptions about money, because receiving these donations turned some of my beliefs upside down.

This is what I thought before:

People pay you if you work very hard and give them a lot of energy, relief, attention, or time
You have to push, drive, be disciplined to make money
Money is NOT easy to get
I have to hide my true feelings if I’m going to get paid
The harder I work and the more time I work, the more money I will get
If I am enjoying myself or doing what I would do right now anyway, for fun, then it’s weird to get paid for it
If I wasn’t getting paid for something, I wouldn’t do it
If I had all the money in the world that I needed, I would do NOTHING and I would be FREE to go the SPA

Really?

One of the most fascinating insights I ever had around money was when I did The Work with Katie on those rich people out there. Those greedy, jet-ski-using consumers who cared about nothing but themselves and their money!

Those people who went to fancy restaurants, spas, tropical islands, and who drove big ridiculous cars.

I think someone called them the 1%. Like they are Someone Different, in a different category, living in a different world, than me.

Mother Teresa was OK, because she was putting all her millions towards suffering people, but that guy who bought himself a 2 hour massage, a Four Seasons Buffet lunch, and a fancy suit from Nordstroms…now THAT guy was a selfish, greedy prick.

When you have all these rules about what is good or bad or selfish or generous about money, then you have to be so careful all the time. You have to watch out for your own inner greedy self that wants to win the lottery and go to the spa.

Who would I be without the thought that if I had a lot of money I would turn into the hoarding, sneaking-to-the-spa rich person who offered nothing of value to the world?

I mean really….it’s like my evaluation of human nature (when having these thoughts of money), including my own, is that everyone would prefer to have fun and do nothing and never exchange energy for money in the form of “work”.

Is it true? Can I absolutely KNOW that this is TRUE?

No. I see tons of people with great amounts of money flowing through their hands who are very involved and interested in giving, changing, making a difference, creating.

No. I notice that I myself don’t really like to sit around. I like writing and creating. I love teaching. I love working with people. I’ve done it a lot for free. I’ve PAID for workshops myself!

What if the turnarounds are just as true or truer?

Money is easy to get, it is easy to receive, it just shows up, like air
People pay me if I work very easy and give myself a lot of energy, relief, attention and time
I have to relax, wait, and be undisciplined to make money–I have to allow my wild, chaotic, creative self to come forward and play
I have to expose my true feelings to get paid
The easier I play and the more time I play, the more money I will get
If I am enjoying myself and doing what I would do for fun, why not get paid for it
I do many things all day, every day, which don’t involved getting paid for it but I do it anyway….do I really have to get paid to do something?
Have you ever been in a spa all day? It gets boring. I would want to do more, very soon, beyond this.

I found out, too, that when I had only $10 left in my bank account, and a mortgage due, and a first late payment which is the first step on the road to foreclosure, and not enough money to get gas to drive my car somewhere….I was still breathing and thinking and warm, and comfortable.

Who would you be without the thought that you are greedy or that going to the spa is a waste of resources, or that luxury is not cool?

What if even all this was not true? What if money was not my business? What if I didn’t believe the thought that there is not enough money somewhere?

Free to find out who I really am. Free to relax. Free to have or not have and enjoy both states and question what fears present themselves.

“Abundance has nothing to do with money. Money is not your business; truth is your business. I am not going to get wealth on the other side of the truth; I am going to get something much more important than that, something so powerful that everything else looks like nothing. But as long as I think it should look like money, I am cheating myself.”~Byron Katie

How is it the most fun ever, the most wonderful, the most interesting, the most perfect that you have exactly as much money as you have….and those other people have the amount of money they apparently have?

Who would you be without your story of money?

Someone who is sent money by strangers, out of the “blue”.

Love, Grace

Learn About Teleclasses Here

Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.

Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.