You’ll notice I didn’t use the words, “sexuality class” in the subject line. That’s because the spam filters will sometimes block e-mails with those kinds of “bad” titles and nasty words. The word “intimate” is more innocuous and acceptable.
And speaking of THAT CLASS…here’s a note from a guy who’s taken it before. It sums up what I like so much about this amazing class (which is starting on Tuesday at 6:30 Pacific time).
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Hi Grace,
Here’s why I’m taking your sexuality teleclasses again.
For one thing, I just like being in a class that I’ve committed to, because I know how sneaky my mind can be.
By being in the class, I’m doing what I really WANT, instead of believing it when my mind says, “I don’t have time,” or, “I don’t want to bother with this today…another day would definitely be better.”
And I’m amazed how often I think these thoughts just before doing The Work…as my mind looks for an escape hatch…but afterward I’m so grateful…and this happens time after time after time.
Another reason is that doing The Work in a group continues to diffuse the charge on ALL the sexual topics…hearing “the words” said out loud and hearing other people saying my exact same thoughts.
I feel my body relax when I hear other talk about how they react (Question 3) and it reminds me of places in me I hadn’t thought of, or that I was trying to keep at bay and under wraps.
Actually, I’ve thought about it a lot…that what we share and drop into in just a few minutes on these teleclasses, is what used to take me years…of getting to know someone…and then sending out feelers for a while to see if it’s safe…and only THEN getting to the stuff I protect and keep in the deep dark recesses of my hidden mind.
And during the classes, I continue to progressively relax and it seems to get even better as the weeks go by and we “break the ice”…the people become friends after we’ve all had the guts to actually SAY what (awful, horrible, despicable) things really go on in our heads instead of trying to look good or hide.
It’s such a relief.
And I see myself just being more open and hiding less in my daily life with “ordinary” people (who seem to be getting nicer, more open, smarter, friendlier, and more receptive).
Also, I have two friends from a teleclass about 2 years ago, and we’ve continued to do The Work almost every week since then. Our trust level has deepened and we’ve learned about each other’s lives and offer quick e-mails of support and sharing during the week. That was another gift I never planned on.
But it isn’t just sexuality issues that have changed. I feel better about my body, the way it works, the way it responds, and have dropped judgments that I wasn’t aware of until I realize they’re just not there anymore…harsh judgments of both others and myself.
I also notice how the “sexuality issues” are almost never really about sexuality…it’s about expectations, needing and wanting approval, anxiety relief, believing how other people
SHOULD be, how I should feel…the usual suspects!
One specific example I loved seeing during the last session was thinking back to being with my partner and wanting her to initiate sex…but of course, I didn’t say anything that night, I was just lying in bed, facing the other direction, arms crossed, pissed, resentful, pouting, and stubborn as a mule.
And when she unexpectedly started moving toward me, both emotionally and sexually, I was so far down the road of resentment that I said I didn’t want to! Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.
But now, I can just laugh and be kind to myself in seeing how I was innocent and didn’t have the tools at the time…instead of bringing out the hair shirt and whip to punish myself for yet ANOTHER emotionally stunted response.
Day by day, I’m gentler with myself.
Another thing I’m grateful for is a great friend who’s a straight guy who DOESN’T do The Work…yet our relationship has deepened so much since doing the first sexuality class.
Now I tell him all about what I’m noticing and we talk about all sorts of sexuality issues. I’ve never had another man to talk to on this level of intimacy.
Frankly, we’re both astonished, yet it seems so normal and ordinary…another unexpected, precious gift.
Sometimes I try to figure out what it is that makes The Work, actually work. My best “analysis” is it’s a combination of opening and shining light on our hidden world, catharsis, intellectual understanding, sharing in the presence of another, honesty, truth, actually feeling our bodies and emotions, seeing our thoughts and images as just thoughts and images, educating our minds, learning to love each other and ourselves.
In other words, all of the above and a bunch of other things I’m sure I don’t notice. But really, I don’t really know or need to know I just keep doing it and noticing.
So thanks for doing what you’re doing with these classes…and how you share yourself too, just like the example in your “Grace-Notes” e-mail about the strip club a couple days ago. That was revealing and pretty funny!
We’re ALL so funny…weird and wonderful.
Much love,
Jack
I loved this letter, so thorough, so thoughtful. If you’re wanting to join a group, we’ve got the Sexuality class starting on Tuesday…then All About Earning Money–Money, Work, and Business starting Feb. 4th, and Relationships starting at the end of March.
We’ve got a fantastic co-facilitated in-person workshop at the end of June, only 4 months away, on the body. Food, eating, embarrassment, aging, our appearance, aches and pains. All of these are pathways to awareness! Come do The Work!
Love, Grace
Click here to register for any of these classes online. You can also send an email to grace@workwithgrace.com if you’d prefer to mail a check or want to ask questions.
- Our Wonderful Sexuality: Untangling the Passion, Attraction, Love, Past Terrors, Future Worries, Fear, Confusion, Tenderness, and Joyful Intimacy. Tuesdays, January 22 – March 12, 2013, 6:30 – 8:00 pm Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
- Earning Money: What’s Your Problem? Questioning Your Beliefs About Money, Work and Business. Mondays, February 4-April 1, 2013, 7:30 – 9:00 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395. No class March 4th.
- Turning Relationship Hell To Heaven: Working With Painful Hate, Anger, Fury, Despair, Grief, or Disappointment With Someone You Know; Spouse, Mother, Sibling, Father, Daughter, Son, Boss, Neighbor, Friend. Fridays, March 29-May 17, 2013 8:00 am – 9:30 am Pacific time. 8 weeks $395.
In Person workshops:
Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June 2013! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.
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