Author: Grace

Grace Bell is author of Grace Notes and facilitates individuals, groups, retreats and courses in The Work of Byron Katie. She supports people with eating issues, divorce, difficult feelings and relationship trouble to find peace.
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Eating Peace: Honor hunger, honor fullness. The way to end suffering.

Here at Family Camp where we eat dining room family style, with big servings of food on the tables…
…I heard a woman share about how upset she is with all the overeating she’s done during camp.
She said she kept telling herself she’d be OK later, once she returned home.
I remember feeling horrible that way….or even mildly uncomfortable.
We don’t have to experience this lack of peace. 
The mind just can’t have what it wants, if it wants to believe a bunch of opposing thoughts about meals, food, unusual types of food (“I’ll never get to eat this again”), or not listening to the body for the cue called “FULL”.
In the end, the peaceful way is listening to the body FIRST.
Full and hungry get immediate response. We take action gently responding to these two states of the body.
Eat with joy anything you want (and aren’t allergic to), go slow, relax, stop when full. The hunger scale can be useful, but you don’t need to think about numbers at all really.
Only stopping the minute you feel satisfied.

Then move on. No tug of war. No fighting. Just acceptance.

Move on.

You will get to eat again–in fact, in only a few hours most likely. Your body will be open to it. So can you wait?

If you are suffering around this, you’re telling yourself a lie.

Let’s get honest about how this all works: the body is the one that says eat, the body is the one that says stop. NOT THE MIND. (And even this may not be true).

The mind can’t have what it wants if it wants to go outside the parameters of responding to the sensation of naturally full and naturally hungry.
And here’s the thing: the mind will be relieved and happy if you let the body lead the way. It really wants something else to take charge.

Much love,

Grace

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When a story goes years and becomes quite the saga….divorce, emotions, presence with The Work

I’m absolutely thrilled to say that Tom Compton will join me again in December at Breitenbush this winter: Dec 5-8, 2019. Arrive Thursday evening, end Sunday lunch. Mark your calendar and call Breitenbush to reserve your spot tuition $295. Lodging and meals are separate (Breitenbush will explain it all when you call them). Read more and get the Breitenbush phone number here.

If you still want to join Summer Camp we have a month ahead of teleconference inquiry and a lively online forum where you can write your work and receive feedback, or answers to your questions about this powerful method called The Work. July 22-August 19 and it’s sliding scale. Daily inquiry for a whole month, a great experiment.

And oh so happy for autumn east coast retreat! We have a magnificent vacation house in the Poconos Mountains of Pennsylvania. Private rooms available, along with many beds in lofts and open spaces. Sign up here to reserve your spot and write grace@workwithgrace.com to choose your sleeping space. We’ll share meals.

Oh so much stuff happening, right?

I love meeting everyone I get to share time with both online and in person. Both these ways of sharing The Work offer different benefits, and I’m so grateful for it all.

This week, I’m at a “family summer camp” in Seabeck, Washington on Hood Canal. There are about 250 people who have been coming together annually for years. The camp started in 1947, a part of the Unitarian church.

My children haven’t missed one single summer since they were 1 and 4 years old. They are now 22 and 25.

On the way here, my son said he was unable to go to sleep for awhile the night before, he was so excited about arriving at Seabeck and reconnecting, as he’s used to, every July with all his dear friends, and this beautiful place: lagoon, forest, trails, field.
But for me?
I had an inner sense of mixed emotion as we got closer and closer to the old wooden bridge where when our car drives across into the camp over the lagoon, the clunk-clunk-clunk sound announcing we’re arriving at the great lodge, about to see many old familiar faces.
I have NOT been to 22 camps in a row.
There was a year when I wasn’t here.
And then another.
And another.
Why?
Divorce.
A wash of memories came through once again as we arrived here, as if an old familiar sad song started playing in the background along with the clunk-clunk of the bridge.
I was aware of loving it at this camp historically, then at the time of my first marriage falling apart, opting out because of heart-break and confusion and thinking “I don’t know how I can attend when my husband has just moved out!”
All the shame, imagining I would need to explain myself to everyone, or that people might be whispering about us or wondering what happened? And how could I sit at the family-style dining tables with my then-husband in the great dining hall? Would we sit at the same tables, or not? Could I handle it if he avoided me or sat at another table? Could I be friendly? How could this possibly work?
It seemed like it couldn’t. I just knew at the time during divorce not to come.
I had felt like the abandoned. 
The father of my children, my former husband, kept coming to this camp with our kids, without me. I was sometimes so sad at hearing the stories my kids told after they attended camp.
I felt like I was missing so much.
I tried to find incredibly fun alternatives for myself during this week in July. I often did.
One year, my former husband suggested I attend camp with the kids instead of him the following summer so he could do something else.
I was STILL uncertain about going (although I did). What will everyone think? I’m the mom from the broken family, the family no one ever expected to break up. My former husband and I were once the Deans of the camp together, the volunteer staff leaders for Camp 2004.
My first year back in “divorce mode” I was so lonely and awkward at the camp. It seemed people weren’t engaging with me that much. I went on many long solo walks. I thought “I won’t ever come back. He can be the one who gets to attend camp, I’ll leave forever.” Sob.
As we parked and got out of the car just this past Saturday, there was a sad-ish uncomfortable nervous feeling within. Other people were running towards each other with huge screams and feet-off-the-ground hugs, but not me. In my mind I had the thought “I don’t belong” yet again. 
 
I even had the words form in my mind “why did I come?”
EXCEPT.
I now have the question “is it true?”
Who would I be without this entire long drawn-out saga of a story?
Who would I be without my story of broken, divorce, can’t, don’t belong, shame, failure, abandonment?
Without this epic story, I notice peoples’ eyes saying hello. I notice smiling faces, and kind hands reaching for a hand shake. I hear someone ask “how has your year been?” and another person say “so good to see you”.
I watch my son and daughter joyfully meet their good friends.
I take in the days here going to lectures, small discussion group, walks, underneath a tree having a heart-to-heart talk with a very dear woman, attending evening performances. I even enter one night and sing a song. I observe faces I remember, and sit with others during meals to share conversation about meditation, housing in Seattle, how much sleep we’re getting, and changing life.
Who would I be without my story?
No longer complaining.
Not upset, sad, piteous, or abandoned.
Sure, I remember what a hard time it was to shift from one way of imagining life to a different way, but a thread of life ran through the entire switch from regular camp attendee and married woman, to unmarried woman who sometimes isn’t at camp, and now back to married woman again who has been at camp for 3 years in a row again.
And is any of that even who I am?
Haha. No.
Today, noticing a soft cool night, noticing I’m not attending the concert and the internet might just remain connected in this remote place so that this writing can be shared, noticing a deep, deep relaxation and the support of gravity, bed, quiet, humans, rain-fresh air coming through the open screened window, and inquiry.
Who would we be without our stories of those committed relationships, or un-committed relationships, or other people and what they think?
Present.
If you’ve got divorcing stories or divorced stories or what-other-people-think divorce stories…you may love joining the upcoming Sunday online live course Divorce Is Hell: Is It True?
“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” ~ Pema Chodron
 
The basic realization that other people can’t possibly be your problem, that it’s your thoughts about them that are the problem-this realization is huge. This one insight will shake your whole world, from top to bottom.” ~ Byron Katie 
Much love,Grace
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I’m anxious!

Autumn Retreat starts the evening of Thursday, October 17th and ends Sunday Oct 20th at noon near the beautiful little town called White Haven, Pennsylvania. Read about it or sign up here. Early bird rate until August 15th. Small group, profound opportunity to share self-inquiry and connected time together.

So speaking of a small group….Summer Camp is underway. We had our first “regular” session together just yesterday.

What I love about summer camp, is all of the sudden in an hour of time, all these thoughts get presented to my inner life for inquiry, through this amazing contact with other people.

Technology is quite incredible. A gathering of minds, not bodies.

In one of the longer 2-hour opening day session, someone brought up a wonderful concept to look at closely:

“this anxiety I’m experiencing is coming from x (something in the future that’s about to happen)” 

In this case, it was the gathering of Summer Camp itself.

How often have you experienced anxiety in life? And immediately scanned the environment for where it’s coming from?

That mean-looking person, the foreboding weather, the audience all staring up at me, the expectations from others.

We almost don’t have words for articulating the concepts, but in the most simple form, we’re attaching our anxiety to something on its way.

Winter is coming.

(Notice the music is a little scary for the soundtrack accompanying this thought).

Let’s take a look together.

Can you find something you believe is coming in the future that produces anxiety?

Losing money, failing at something, not hitting it out of the ballpark, being mediocre, doing it wrong, saying something embarrassing, getting divorced, being rejected by other people.

It may even be death. Right?

Because eventually, it will be here for me or for another one I love. (For everyone I love).

What happens when you picture those thoughts, when you have those images float through your head?

YIKES!

Fear in this moment. Reviewing the “best” way to do it. Not feeling very present.

HATING the anxiety. I’m against it. I just want it to go away, and I isolate and shut down, shut my door, and I don’t show up.

If you’re like I’ve been in my life, when you believe “this anxiety is coming from the future (or the past for that matter)” then I would eat! Or avoid going to sleep at night. I might also say “yes” when I meant “no”. Or “no” when I really meant “yes”.

What people in summer camp call noticed is that with this thought, they berated themselves with ideas about how they shouldn’t be anxious, and they should be done worrying about the future by now.

YIKES AGAIN!

Who would you be without the belief that anxiety is connected to something that’s coming?

Weird, right?

What else would this anxiety be attached to? Why would I be having it, if its not about something that’s happening soon?

And who would I be without the underlying belief that this anxiety is bad, wrong, should go away, or that it means something about me?

Wait….what??

You mean having anxiety isn’t wrong?

All I know is I can question my thinking. I ask “is it true” I shouldn’t be anticipating the future? Is it true that the images in my brain are real? Is it true that having anxiety means I’m a less-than-perfect person, or something’s deficient about me, or I won’t succeed or be safe?

No.

Without the belief that my anxiety is attached to an upcoming event that I imagine could go “wrong” or “hurt” then I notice this fiery energy in the body, boiling or like lightening or a storm….

….and I turn towards it and say “oh, hello anxiety, how are you today?”

Without the belief its attached to the future (or the past) I see its singing a song that’s connected to images I’m conjuring in the present moment about something I believe will be happening, something I feel in this body right now about loving life, wanting to be alive, wanting to remain alive.

I have no idea of what will happen in the future.

Could that be a wonderful, exciting thing that I do not know?

Ooohhh, yes.

Turning the thought around: this thing I’m feeling, called “anxiety” is NOT attached to events in the future (or the past)! It’s attached to imaginings in my head, to my mind doing its busy job. It’s attached to the dream that I could potentially not be safe or protected. It’s attached to memories of feeling unsafe or unprotected in the past.

The way of it.

Turning it around: this feeling is excitement. It’s welcome here.

Anxiety is coming through, but it’s not all of me.

YAHOO! This anxiety is attached to the future! It has nothing to do with what’s happening right now (oh, good news)!

That’s soooo true!

I’m a woman in a little cottage listening to voices on a teleconference together, people sharing inquiry.

Right now, person walking towards the stage and seeing the curtain open. Right now, very much alive even though I’ll be dying one day. Right now, completely safe, breathing, sitting, typing, noticing.

Who would you be without your belief that you’re anxious?

“Hurt feelings or discomfort of any kind cannot be caused by another person. No one outside me can hurt me. That’s not a possibility. It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get hurt. And I’m the one who’s hurting me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means that I don’t have to get someone else to stop hurting me. I’m the one who can stop hurting me. It’s within my power.” ~ Byron Katie

Anxious feelings cannot be caused by a future event…It’s only when I believe a stressful thought that I get anxious. And I’m the one who’s scaring me by believing what I think. This is very good news, because it means I don’t have to get the future event to be different. I’m the one who can stop scaring me. It’s within my power.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you still want to join Summer Camp we have many days ahead of inquiry. Next week is an “off” week anyway while I travel, so you could participate July 22-August 19 and it’s sliding scale. Daily inquiry for a whole month, a great experiment.

 

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Are you acting like you won’t survive?!

 

Many of us have been places where there are scheduled eating times and eating hours for large groups of people: conferences, cruises, workshops, courses, schools.

There are eating halls, cafeterias with limited hours, dining time and blocks where the kitchen is off limits.

Sometimes people notice when they participate in gatherings like this, or structured programs that include meals….

….they’ll say “I gain ten pounds every time I go on a cruise!” or “I eat too much when I’m at a workshop or on vacation!”

What are your thoughts?

  • this is soooo good, I might never get it again
  • I can’t stop eating this delicious meal
  • I have to eat more than enough, because it’s so rare that I have this available to me
  • I need to eat a lot because there’s a break until the next eating hour

Let’s look at one of these beliefs that sometimes permeates them all: I might not survive! I must take care of myself (like it’s an emergency)!

If you think you don’t have this kind of survival worry about eating and food….notice how you’re acting!

Who would you be without your story?Mu

Much love,

Grace

 

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You’re behind–is it true?

Reminder: First Friday is actually Second Friday for July. No good internet for me for this past Friday means no way to connect well with you. I look forward to being with those of you who can attend July 12th at the same bat time 7:45 am Pacific.

It’s a little strange and also wonderful to be without the internet.

I used to dislike it.

All those piled up emails waiting in my Inbox once I reconnected.

Ugh.

I believed I was falling behind.

Have you thought of yourself as “behind” when it comes to something in your life?

It doesn’t have to be about checking emails or doing creative work for business. People feel behind when they take classes, or read books for a book club. People feel behind with their life plans, development, goals. They feel behind with projects, dreams, organizing their closet.

When you run a business, you always have tasks you could be doing: bookkeeping, website updates, outline for upcoming classes, a gazillion things to manage.

In these past days of travel for me (being at my cousin’s wedding and celebrating for 4 days) the internet is very intermittent and very slow.

But sometimes….emails came through and downloaded like they did just today. The signal grew strong.

How did I always react when I believed it was critical to be connected virtually?

I’d get in my car and drive to places where the internet worked, even though I was on vacation. Seriously.

My belief for several years was I had to be working on my business, diligent, responsive, Grace Notes blog daily, updates, follow-ups.

Something happened (including carpel tunnel on my thumbs from daily writing)…

…and the intensity simply slowed down and no longer felt “critical” or “important”.

In fact the last time I was at Breitenbush where they have absolutely zero cell phone or internet, I didn’t bother to come out of the woods even once to “catch up”.

I couldn’t perceive it as “catching up” anymore.

With what? What was behind?

Who would I be without the story I need to work, be on top of my emails, check messages, do the next thing?

Relaxed.

Noticing what’s around me and enjoying it. Connecting with people.

Not having a concern about the future, or what I needed to be doing in it.

Turning the thought around: I do not need to do what I think I need to do, I do not need to connect to the internet, I am NOT behind….and I can if I want.

Today, apparently it’s the way of it to write this inquiry today, and let you know I’m thinking of you.

Without the belief something MUST happen, it happens or not, and both are OK

Much love,

Grace

Summer Camp For The Mind starts on Monday, July 8th.

For all of you who’d appreciate trying it out first, without committing, the first two sessions will be open to anyone and everyone,
  • Monday 7/8 from 4:00-6:00 pm PT Click HERE to join.
  • Tuesday 7/9 from 8:00-10:00 am PT. Click HERE to join.
  • after you’re connected on either day, enter the password “summerpeace”

Autumn Retreat starts the evening of Thursday, October 17th and ends Sunday at noon. Near White Haven, Pennsylvania. Read about it or sign up here.

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Enlightenment (independence) is standing on your own two feet, answering the questions YOUR way.

The other day, an inquirer shared a passage from a book by a well-known author and spiritual teacher.

The writing from the book included a sentence or two that began with “we” and it was a positive statement about human goodness and our innate abilities to awaken or be peaceful.

The sentences sounded something like this, so wildly paraphrased they aren’t correct at all, but you’ll get the feel of it: “We” all can find that inner peaceful place inside. “We” all have the ability to settle down and find freedom. “We” are all ultimately good, or doing the best we can.

You may have read lots of sentences like this from many authors, teachers, religious texts, lecturers, leaders, explorers of human nature and those interested in peace.

There’s so much written out there, right?

You could never read it in a lifetime, or even three. Endless quantities of information really. Byron Katie alone has said so much about the experience of being human, thinking, feeling, changing, questioning thought.

It all sounds very nice and everything, but is what you learn, read, take in, hear….actually true, for you?

What struck me about what this inquirer was sharing, was something I found very exciting.

She said she couldn’t assume this positive, favorable paragraph written about people and their access to peace to be true.

Neither can I.

(Even though I often experience people, life, circumstances and how things unfold as absolutely magical, quite honestly, it is all so strange and also wonderful….AND I also experience fear, worry and discomfort and see images that never come true, which is also strange and wonderful).

But back to this issue of believing what others say, think, do or write….and questioning it for ourselves.

Even if it seems “positive”.

I recently watched the brilliant Brene Brown in an interview. She said in her research studies on compassion with over 400 subjects, they had asked a particular question: “Do you think people are fundamentally doing the best they can?”

Brene’s own original answer to this question?

Hell to the no!

I loved her honesty around this.

What I notice is, assuming something is or is not true and taking someone else’s word for it, is not really “inquiry”.

It’s an assumption.

And this work is not about feeling good, assuming it’s all good, sweet, lovely and sugary syrup, and flashing the peace sign.

LOL.

So when you look inside yourself, or look at what you’ve decided about humanity and our capacity for peace, what do you actually see? Are we fundamentally “good” or “bad” or “foolish” or “wise”?

People are like x. People are like y.

Is it true?

You may find, if you sit with it like I did, you don’t really know. So much variety, potential, chaos, joy, despair. I don’t know what’s going on with people.

For me, this was an absolutely wonderful awareness.

It’s also why it’s so, so helpful to look at one situation at a time.

With the steps of inquiry known as The Work, we can focus very distinctly on one group of people, or one person, or one experience we’ve had, to see if our assumptions are true, or not?

With grand statements about all of humanity, or the universe, or the meaning of life?

I Do Not Know.

(This is probably the case with all the unique little situations I’ve experienced, too).

Here’s something interesting to notice in the midst of all this;

How do I react when I believe people are NOT doing the best they can or things here on planet earth aren’t OK?

Resentful. Irritated. Cautious. Isolated. I want nothing to do with people, and sometimes, nothing to do with this life I’m living.

Get it over with. Who cares?

When I look at the world with these glasses on, I cut the world into those who are succeeding or helpful, and those who aren’t. I usually consider myself to be one of those who also isn’t doing the best they can. In and out of peace, unwilling, compulsive, always worrying about something. I’m definitely arguing, on the inside. I’m against.

So what’s it like when I think people ARE doing the best they can and the world is OK? (Or that people CAN find peace within, or discover freedom, and access their inner wisdom or all that nice sounding stuff)?

I feel more open, curious. Even simply willing. Noticing I’m here and so are they, and I’ve had every experience under the sun from horrible to wonderful and here am, being here, still alive.

Except I notice I can be curious, willing and more peaceful even if I’m not so sure about what people are by nature.

I think “we are all good, life is good”….I’m here.

I think “we are all falling short or bad, life is hard”….I’m here.

I notice my thoughts don’t really know anything and my mind can’t possibly be the thing with the final answer. As if an answer is required.

The honest answer in the mind is “I don’t know”.

And  I should know. Wait, is it true?

I need to know. Is it true?

Uh, No.

Turning these thoughts around we can always find the opposites about humanity and life: good, bad, bad, good. Lots of examples and proof.

My thinking is perceiving this as good, my thinking is perceiving this as bad, my thinking is fearful, angry, unhappy….or calm, delighted, loving.

I have to believe what someone else writes or says, or I should, in order to feel good…is that true?

I should believe it’s a friendly universe….really?

The freedom here to think whatever we think is infinite, wild, astonishing.

I love what Brene Brown reported her husband said when she asked him “do you think people are doing the best they can?”

He went to think about it for awhile, and came back and said “I have no idea. But I notice when I imagine they are, it works better, I enjoy life more.”

Does this mean we should assume goodness or friendliness or that people are doing their best, or that we’re all able to find ultimate peace?

No.

And.

Without any set assumption, being for or against what is, I’m here in this moment right now without needing to know the future, or needing to be against the past.

I’m here. Aware. Awake. Seeing, feeling, sensing, wondering.

Not one single answer confirmed, and apparently, that’s OK. Because that’s the way of it.

Look, and it can’t be seen.

Listen, and it can’t be heard.
Reach, and it can’t be grasped.
Above, it isn’t bright.
Below, it isn’t dark.
Seamless, unnamable,It returns to the realm of nothing.
Form that includes all forms,
Image without an image,
Subtle, beyond all conception.
Approach it and there is no beginning,
Follow it and there is no end.
You can’t know it, but you can be it,
At ease in your own life.Just realize where you come from.
This is the essence of wisdom.
~Tao Te Ching #14

If you want to take a close look at beliefs causing you angst, upset, fear, or depression whether they’re “positive” ideas or “negative” ideas about the world….

….come join Summer Camp For The Mind.

There are four questions, and finding turnarounds.

But far, far, far more important?

Our own answers.

“Enlightenment is standing on your own two feet.” ~ Adyashanti

A most wonderful independence to celebrate today, the kind where we’re aware there’s no one but us, and it’s OK….more than OK.

We start Summer Camp for The Mind on Monday, July 8th.

For all of you who’d appreciate trying it out first, without committing, the first two sessions will be open to anyone and everyone,

  • Monday 7/8 from 4:00-6:00 pm PT Click HERE to join.
  • Tuesday 7/9 from 8:00-10:00 am PT. Click HERE to join.
  • after you’re connected enter the password “summerpeace”

Also, I know I’m announcing 865 things lately that are upcoming, but I literally just drove by the gorgeous lodge we’re renting for October retreat in Pennsylvania!!  It’s so beautiful, I had to tell you about it. (I’m far from home right now for a cousin’s wedding)!

Wow, east coast folks….you never mentioned how amazing the terrain is, the beauty. Truly amazing.

Autumn Retreat starts the evening of Thursday, October 17th and ends Sunday at noon. The closest little town about 5 miles away is called White Haven, PA (adorable).

This will be a retreat surrounded by beautiful country (fall colors) in the northeastern USA. Everyone can stay onsite (3 private bedrooms, and many more comfortable beds) and we’ll share some meals and do The Work. Check your calendar, read about it or sign up here. (A few photos on the information page).

And happy independence, happy interdependence, happy dependence and everything in between and beyond….for isn’t the full range of it all what life is all about.

Much love,

Grace

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From rage to humor–what a difference The Work makes with parenting (+Peace Talk Episode 151: A mom talks about finding The Work, joining Summer Camp and Y.O.I. and finding joy).

I recently got the chance to interview a lovely woman who first learned about The Work from her enrollment in Jacqueline Green’s parenting programs (www.greatparentingshow.com). Jacqueline herself has been a brilliant member of Year of Inquiry and teaches The Work to moms as a core tool for becoming a clearer and more peaceful parent.

Listen to Peace Talk Episode 151 here where Mary shares about writing her first Judge Your Neighbor worksheet, and began to do The Work in earnest….and how it changed life for her.

And in case you haven’t registered yet: Sign Up Here for Ten Barriers That Derail The Work, and How To Dissolve Them, a free workshop open to anyone and everyone online on Sunday, June 30th at 11:00 am Pacific Time/ 7:00 pm UK.

I’ll send out the link for joining the workshop to everyone registered several hours before we begin, so watch your Inbox and bring a pen and paper.

So speaking of parenting and doing The Work….yesterday, a crazy thing happened.

And what’s even more crazy, is I reacted differently than I ever used to act in similar situations.

In fact, the whole thing is completely hilarious.

My husband and I were helping our 22-year old daughter move.

A few big pieces of furniture needed to go from one apartment to the new apartment, along with final boxes and reassembling the bed in the new place.

Boxes were moved, a dump run was made to throw out an ancient mattress and chairs with mould on them (don’t ask me why chairs got set out on the balcony where it rains), a Goodwill donation run was completed, some scrubbing and cleaning was completed, and there was one final item to move: my daughter’s bicycle.

It was on the balcony, chained to the railing.

As my daughter unlocked the chain and rolled the bike from porch through the sliding glass doors into the empty apartment living room she was saying goodbye to….she knocked a can of paint off the railing.

A gallon can of black paint she had been using to paint her bookshelf a few days before.

The lid was loose.

KABLLOOOOOSSSHHHH!

Almost an entire gallon of paint oozing across the porch, and a big huge splash of black paint on the white apartment building wall, on the glass doors, on the bicycle, on all the railings of the porch, and all over my daughter’s news sandals and legs.

OK then.

I’d love to show you a photo of it for dramatic emphasis.

LOL.

Guess what we were doing for the next hour?

Yah, that would be scrubbing the walls, carpet, porch, glass windows, railings with towels, hot water, soap, chemical cleaners and sponges. And throwing paint and rags full of paint away.

Now, in the past, I might have been FURIOUS.

I’m not saying there wasn’t a reaction. It was like….GASP.

But I don’t know if it’s the amount of times I’ve questioned “this shouldn’t be happening” or “this is a mistake” (hundreds) but something almost found it funny in the very moment in happened.

Humor? Instead of being angry?

Wow.

Who are we without the belief “this is a huge horrible mess! OMG!”

We’re rolling up our sleeves, cleaning and chuckling.

How could it be an interesting predicament that the paint can went toppling onto the porch and wall and bicycle?

Well, I certainly have an entertaining story to tell, for one thing.

I also learned by googling how to use hot water and soap to get paint out of a carpet. My daughter learned why it’s a good thing to hammer the paint can lids back on tight. We had all the time we needed to clean it up. We didn’t have to take the paint to the hazardous waste center–it was spilled.

But mostly, for me, I got to notice how the inner fireworks just didn’t happen by comparison to the way they used to.

In the past, I might have banged my fist on the counter and said DAMNIT! And huffed around while cleaning.

Sure, there were some thoughts about how long this would take and if we could get it cleaned up and how this was going to turn out….

….but they didn’t go anywhere much.

We were laughing later.

I said “this might be the best moving story yet!”

If there’s any reason I ever could find to do The Work, this situation and how I responded was an example.

How wonderful to not react to the world as if it’s a horrible moment, a pain-in-the-ass, a huge drag, or to shout “jeez, why didn’t you put the paint lid on correctly?!” at someone I love.

I’d rather do The Work, and laugh.

Much love,

Grace

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Online Free Workshop: Ten Barriers That Derail The Work…And How To Dissolve Them

 

As Summer Camp for The Mind approaches and people are joining, I’m suddenly in a flurry of getting my entire 2019-2020 calendar year organized.

I have an invitation for you to a free online workshop I love offering about what comes between us and finding freedom in doing The Work, plus–at the end–I’ll answer your questions about Summer Camp and Year of Inquiry.

The webinar topic? Ten Barriers That Derail “Getting” The Work…and How to Dissolve Them. 

Ten Barriers Workshop is online Sunday, June 30th at 11:00 am Pacific Time/ 2:00 pm ET/ 7:00 pm UK.  This is open to everyone, no fee, and will be recorded.

Register Here for the Free Online Workshop and I’ll be sure you get all the info on how to join, listen, and follow along in our work. No one has to share.

These ten barriers include tricky subtleties the mind comes up with when it comes to self-inquiry that I’ve experienced over time, and they may help you to recognize them, too.

Summer Camp for The Mind then starts July 8th (and Year of Inquiry is starting again in September, for the 11th time–wow).

So here we go….questioning our thoughts together virtually.

A good way to experiment with group live online inquiry (how amazing we can even do this) is to join Summer Camp! It’s a virtual audio-only telesession blitz of daily inquiry this summer.

Here’s how Summer Camp works:

Using your phone, tablet, gizmo, laptop (anything that dials a phone number or connects to the internet) you’ll either dial the simple old-fashioned phone-number way OR you’ll connect by clicking an internet link.

Yes, people participate in Summer Camp while sitting on the beach, while driving their car to work, while walking home from the office or on their way to pick up the kids.

You can be there any time the calls are live, and drop in or leave at any point. There are no requirements or demands for you to be there from start to finish of the call. You can listen to recordings if you wish, instead of participating live.

Being a part of our calls offers a fabulous time for coming and going in your life as you need. The group creates a circle, and it’s here for you from wherever you are physically on the planet.

One of my favorite things about our live calls is when someone calls in and says “I’m ducked inside an empty office. I have a meeting with my boss in an hour and I’m soooo nervous. Can I do The Work?” 

Yes.

“She’s going to fire me.” Is it true?

Once, someone who attended Summer Camp and then Year of Inquiry called while in the car on her way to her nephew’s trial. “He needs to NOT go to jail.”

Is it true?

Or the time when one of us found herself headed to Rome for a weekend unexpectedly without the boyfriend after a last-minute break up. She got on the plane for her romantic destination anyway, and did The Work with us.

“I’m all alone. I’ve been abandoned.” Is it true?

We’re all there together, doing The Work with the ones who are frightened, navigating something tough in life. We’re finding our own similar situations where we might feel the same way, just a little.

It’s so exciting to learn, to listen, to notice how with anything, in any situation, we can find peace.

Doing The Work with others, we address our own inner life.

We can’t change what’s happening out there, but we can respond differently from in here when we do The Work and see other options.

So when are the Summer Camp calls?

We meet July 8-August 16 Monday through Friday, with a different time each day (not July 15-19 though). You find which times work for you and mark your calendar. (see them all below).

I email everyone daily with the link and phone number so you’ve got it easily accessible. We share a forum together for posting, writing worksheets, asking questions….writing out your own work in the middle of the night when you’re worried and can’t sleep.

I love the community that gets created, and that you can use it any way you want. Nothing is required.

The calls meet at the following times. If you need to figure out your time zone, this is my favorite simple time zone converter link: click here.

Calls are all an hour +, but I like to leave a little wiggle room on the end to finish out an inquiry if we need to, or feedback and insights people might want to share. Schedule 75 mins if you can, and nothing’s required. Come for five.

  • Mondays July 8-August 12 4:00-5:15 pm PT
  • Tuesdays July 9-August 13 8:00-9:15 am PT
  • Wednesdays July 10-August 14 Noon-1:15 pm PT
  • Thursdays July 11-August 15 5:30-6:45 pm PT
  • Fridays July 12-August 16 7:45-9:15 am PT (90 mins)

No Summer Camp July 15-19 this year–I’ll be camping where the internet isn’t connected

So if you’re wondering what’s good about dialing in and doing The Work….like….why would anybody want to?
Four powerful reasons:
  • If you’re super shy like me (very introverted) and you like the idea of being in your own space, and listening only for awhile
  • if you find it difficult to stop daily life responsibilities to travel to learn and do The Work in a retreat space or a class
  • if you normally can’t afford the smaller in-depth group classes or events.
  • if you simply do not question your thinking when you’re on your own and busy, even though you know it’s a good idea
….then Summer Camp for The Mind may be just the ticket.
The Work is a sort of meditation. It’s a practice to return to, over and over again.
For example, I notice about meditation, we don’t meditate for an hour and say “WOW! BINGO! I am now completely peaceful with silence and life for All Time!”
Meditation is connecting to an energy. We’re tapping into the wisdom of being. We’re practicing relating to silence and spaciousness.
With The Work, we’re answering the same four questions, but finding over and over again new layers of insight, new glimmers of freedom.
We wake up, sometimes slowly, sometimes suddenly, out of the huge variety of stories we have from all our life experiences.
Sharing together via teleconference also has a powerful affect and benefit for us. Even if we listen only, It’s remarkable what listening to someone else is like, learning we’re not alone.
We don’t say a word, and yet we’re riveted by someone else’s personal work….because it’s just like ours. The circumstance doesn’t really matter. We show each other the way by simply answering the questions, honestly, out loud.
I find, joining together in this remarkable way by the technology we live with in our times….it’s like we’re a think-tank of brilliant wise people (with a few glitches here and there), pooling our minds together to create One Mind in awareness.
And this awareness brings so much peace, clarity and joy. It’s strangely simple, and strangely profound.
No “teacher” is required for The Work. You are your own teacher. All you really need is a willingness to be open, to write, to contemplate without expectations. The answers appear and they are your answers, just right for you.
Meditation is like that. We don’t know what will happen in a meditation session, but our great intention is to make friends with silence.
With The Work, we get to make friends with our chattering and nervous minds, and even make peace with events from the past.

I hope you’ll join me on this sweet journey. The Work has changed my life and I do this work because it’s one of the most profoundly peace-giving tools I’ve ever discovered. Life changing for me. I love questioning my thoughts and I love doing this with you.

“Peace doesn’t require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” ~ Byron Katie

Sign up for Summer Camp here. Yes, it’s sliding scale. You get to decide how many calls you’ll make or listen to via recording, what you can afford, what works for you. Come for one week only, come for every call, come weekly on the time/day that works for you. You’ll click the pay button, and fill in whatever amount you choose.

And come to the workshop on Sunday. Register for it here so I can send you the details for attending.

Much love,

Grace

 

P.S. If in-person is your favorite thing and telesessions just do not sound fun, here’s the scoop on autumn retreat (exciting)!

 

We’ll all stay in a gorgeous lodge near White Haven, Pennsylvania I’ve not been to, but been told it’s fabulous. A stunning area in the fall, sharing time and space in The Work away from all things distracting, taking time to share meals, inquire, rest and be in silence and connection together. Three private rooms and the rest of us will stay in the many semi-private beds, bunks and loft spaces (or cots and mattresses) available. October 17-20, 2019. For more information, read here. Can’t wait to join you this year for autumn retreat on the east coast.

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I need to get rid of my feelings (+ Seattle peeps, come out to East West Books tomorrow)!

Tomorrow evening, June 27th 7-9 pm at East West Books at 65th and Roosevelt in Seattle, come learn and do The Work of Byron Katie from start to finish. Register with East West Books right here (and OK to register at the door).

We’ll use the doorway of addictive or compulsive behavior to enter our inner work, if it applies: urges to escape, watch TV, eat, drink, smoke, clean, buy, acquire, hunt, seek, push.

Ay yi yi. 

Those sensations of tumultuous behavior are so troubling, aren’t they?

Can’t we just get rid of those feelings altogether?

(What’s wrong with me)?

One of the first places to pause and notice, as we become open-minded inquirers once again, is our thoughts about feelings themselves.

Feelings. Emotions. Moods.

WHY??!! 

I remember having mixed beliefs about feelings from a very, very young age. If you asked me when I was only about six what I thought about feelings, I might have said people who are super emotional or who cry are babies and people should “rise above” their feelings.

In other words, “feelings” are not good. Seriously. They’re not for grown ups, not easy, not acceptable.

Even overjoyed jubilation or happiness is a bit over the top. Let’s just keep an even-keel. No tipping over in the sail boat. Calm waters all the time. Poker face.

Right?

Late June where I live in the Pacific Northwest there’s light in the sky until 10 pm, some glorious bright days and lush green everywhere.

Then there are dark days, misty rain and chill. People refer to these as June-uary. Last Saturday and Sunday? June-uary. We got our jackets back out of the closet.

This is a bit like the way feelings move, our inner landscape.

Sunny, light and brilliant….dark, chilly, quiet.

Nothing wrong with that, in fact it seems to be a deeply human response, to have feelings, awareness, noticing.

And we wouldn’t say to nature: it must be sunny and bright with long days–all the time, never-ending.

But we often expect it of ourselves.

How do I react when I believe feelings are volatile, unacceptable and too moody, cold or unpredictable? How do I react when I want to get rid of them?

I hide away at home. I feel even more compulsive than ever, in an attempt to eliminate the feelings. I believe I should be able to control my feelings, and maybe even my own thoughts.

(Have you had the idea you’re in charge of your mind)?

Who would you be without the belief that strong feelings are dangerous, and you need to control yourself, your feelings, your mood, your thinking?

I noticed for myself, without the belief I need to control or even change what I’m thinking or feeling….I’m so much more open to what I feel, and think. I’m kinder.

I’m more compassionate.

I even get to wonder if it’s “my” feeling, “my” mood, or “my” thought?

Wow.

Turning the thought around: I don’t want to get rid of my feelings.They are acceptable, curious, wonderful, messengers.

I can let them be here.

Can I just let them be here?

Sigh.

Yes.

My feelings are brilliant, sharing, doing what they do. I am human. No need to change or alter or switch or fix the feelings.

Turning the thought around again: feelings want to get rid of me. 

Are these feelings showing me a simple thought pattern? A stressful story?

Are they coursing through me and allowing me to notice a “me” that isn’t real, and also noticing there’s part of me just here, without concern (no matter what the weather)?

Are my feelings pointing to thoughts I might love to question?

In the moment of brilliant sun, OK. In the moment of cold chilly rain, OK. Snow, all is well. Fire, something carries on. Pain, something happens. Something continues.

Feelings, I notice, don’t stay at volume 10 forever. They come and go, and live and die. So do thoughts.

“When we look inside, we see that whatever we are is prior to thought. You were there before thought, you were there during the thought, and you are going to be there after thought….Start with what you feel….” ~ Adyashanti

What I notice is when I open up to my feelings and thoughts being just fine as they are, even *cough cough* good or OK, something within calms down.

I’m just here. Noticing what it could be like without believing a thought, or a feeling. Noticing, noticing, being.

I notice I experience peace, and the awareness that freedom is here–nothing is required.

Summer Camp for the Mind–a wonderful telesession program online for anyone in the world–starts soon, the week of July 8th. Read about the schedule and how Summer Camp works here. Join by sliding scale (suggested offering $150-$400 but you decide how many sessions you’ll be listening to whether live or on recording). No one turned away for lack of funds.

Let’s do The Work together, and find our enlightenment.

Much love,

Grace

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When you binge after a long period of binge-free eating

Falling down hard (binge-eating) after a long period of being binge-free can be terribly discouraging. Almost suicidally full of despair for some.

You can question this thought.

You’ve just “lost” the battle, you’ve just “lost” your abstinence, you’ve just “lost” your year of supposed freedom.

Is it true?

Who would you be without the past? (Which I notice is gone, and only a memory now).

A few ideas that may help, if you’re having this experience of “on” then “off” a plan:

1) Recovering from eating begins with cultivating willingness to learn from where we stumble.

2) When we keep believing our thoughts that we should be thin, thin, thin…then no amount of time being binge-free will bring us freedom.

3) If we decide we’ve failed miserably, or that this “stumble” is a disaster, we’ll most likely eat more, eat again. Being open to learn from what happened is the easiest way. Like learning how to walk, it’s not done immediately. We fall down sometimes.

4) When you believe your thoughts about food, eating and your body…with stress, mistrust, and the urge to manage, your mind will be filled with Jibber-Jabber. Everyone talking at once, screaming.

Do you have to believe any of this jibber-jabber? Is it just noise?

What I notice is everyone’s mind has noise in it, and what a wonderful experience to look at this noise and all this thinking as white noise, or jibber-jabber. Babbling brook.

Uninteresting. Untrue.

Can I simply NOT be alarmed by what’s happened in the past?

Can I stand up again, stepping into another day?

This is a new moment, right now. This is an experience of the “Don’t Know” mind. The place of No Control.

In this place is a slowness, a feeling of the body, I don’t know what to do and I don’t have to do anything.

You lost your abstinence, you “lost” a year of freedom from binge eating…is that true? Can you absolutely know you lost it?

No.

How do you react when you believe that thought?

Listening to the jibber-jabber and screaming thoughts and freaking out and intense emotions about disaster and control.

Who would you be without the thought? Who would you be without the belief there’s a future to plan for and control is required, and something is missing?

Turning the thought around: I’m OK. I’m safe in this moment. I didn’t lose anything. Today, now, can be relaxed. Only my thinking fell over. My thoughts went off, not “me”. Not the inner me, not the inner “I.

Much love,

Grace