January 2016 – Page 2 – The Work of Byron Katie with Grace

January 14, 2016

They have more than me

moneyquote I’m doing lots of questioning about money again.

I guess this comes up at least once a year when the Year of Inquiry group starts inquiring for a month on money AND the eight week teleclass is running, too.

Yesterday, in Year of Inquiry we looked at such a simple and powerful thought:

They have more money than me.

You know those people?

The ones who have more?

I remember vividly a moment.

I am standing in the foyer of a huge home, some would call it a mansion. My daughter is playing here on an after-school play date with a new friend. This foyer is marble, imported from Italy (I am told, when I exclaim at the beauty of the house). I look up to see a wide, expansive view of the lake. With a dock. And two boats.

Suddenly…..I am somehow less than these people who live in this house. Like, not as good. Not as successful.

They have more money than me, certainly. They have done something right, I have done something wrong.

Sick stomach.

That’s my situation. I stare at it while I inquire. I don’t let my mind move from that moment, the way it likes to shift to something else, like another memory.

I don’t let myself move into trying to make myself feel better, now.

I stay right there in the situation.

Can you see them in your mind, wearing jewels, living in gigantic houses, frolicking about the world on jets, owning islands, going to every kind of retreat or workshop or spa they want?

What we’re questioning in this is the stress. The pain of comparison.

We’re just sooooo sure they have more.

More opportunity, more freedom, more fun, more power, more security, more creativity, more independence, more health, more support.

There’s moral value placed on what Those People are doing (or not doing).

They should….they shouldn’t….I need…..other people need…..it shouldn’t be like this.

Wow, it’s a gigantic system of Right and Wrong. Have and Not Have.

Let’s investigate.

Who would you be right now, without the belief that those people have more? More than you, more than others, more than they deserve, more than they can use?

Who would you be without the belief in judging YOU in the middle of this (which is also critical-mind, the vicious attacking mind that makes you wrong)?

Even if the ones you look at with all the money are very lovely people doing wonderful things in their communities…..

…..who are you without the belief they have MORE of anything?

I notice how I’ve had this thought about more than just money.

I’ve had this thought about other things I value deeply….like enlightenment, peace, joy.

Those gurus have more of it than me.

Those authors and actors have more influence than me.

Who would I be without this belief, if I couldn’t even have this thought run through my mind as I look at them, as I hang out with them?

What if I had no awareness of More or Less?

It’s almost so weird and counter to the way the mind normally works, it’s strange to even contemplate.

“Ego mind is so upsetting. You think you have choice, but you don’t. You’re submerged in the waters of active thinking. Only when you become aware of your attention is there choice, is there an option. ‘Oh. I can put my attention on my ego/reactive mind, or I can put my attention on silence!’ Now that I’m aware of my attention, I can choose where it goes….And you don’t need a self to do the choosing. You don’t need a self to breath, you don’t need a self to walk down the street. You don’t need a self to choose either. Consciousness itself is highly intelligent.” ~ Adyashanti

Who would I be without the belief that someone has more than me?

Feeling the peace of this moment, here now. Trusting.

Dropping down into silence, watching, feeling.

In harmony in the presence of money and whatever money is doing.

Turning the thought around…..and this is so fun and mind-boggling:

They do not have more money (or anything) than me. I have more money than them. I have more of myself, here now, than anyone else has.

I notice money is flowing around in constant motion, like air and energy. In any given moment, I can freeze it like a picture and maybe say “more is here!” or “less is here!” but then…..

…..there is another in-breath, and out-breath, another purchase of a bag of groceries, another gift coming to me, another opportunity to enjoy, another day of sun rising and setting, another paycheck received, another withdrawal from savings, another kind word, another conversation, another beautiful Ah-Ha inquiry, another person registering for something.

There’s hunger, then fullness.

Everything moving and changing and flowing.

I am not in charge.

What I have is actually…..nothing I can hold on to with my two fists.

What I have is an attitude willing to question my own thinking. What I have is awareness. What I have is silence in this moment.

I have curiosity, I have wondering.

I have the ability to expand my conditioned stories. I have the capacity to step out of this stressful story line, with money.

In my situation standing in the front entrance of the magnificent house, without the belief that these people have more money than me….

….I marvel at the gorgeousness of what is walking distance from where I sleep. I feel so lucky to be seeing it, and how amazing that humans build and invent such incredible stuff.

Without the beliefs (after doing The Work)…..a few weeks later, picking up my daughter again, I ask the owner all about what it was like to plan, build and move into this place, and where the money came from.

I learn a ton. It’s super fun.

I feel very connected. He tells me about how bored he is and that he’d prefer to be working again, rather than retired.

Ha ha!

You can stop blaming money for how you feel.

You can stop insisting, judging, condemning.

Yes, you have sooooo much more than “you” in this moment.

You have the mystery of the universe available.

You have peace, quiet, life…..right here now.

Wow. It’s priceless.

And free.

Much love, Grace

P.S. Join me at Breitenbush this summer! To get all the information and learn how to register, click HERE.

January 13, 2016

Money left me….is that true?

money left me, and it's a crying shame....is that true? — money left me, and it’s a crying shame….is that true?

As I get ready for a full new beautiful telecourse of people gathering for eight weeks starting this afternoon on MONEY, I’m already feeling the freedom of who I would be without my current beliefs about it.

(Sorry the class is indeed all the way full, but you can join it again in the future–maybe even this spring if I can–write me with your favorite times or days).

If you’ve read Grace Notes for awhile, you’ll know where I came from (having $10.16 left in the bank and a $2000 mortgage bill due in 3 days).

It sucked.

Or so I thought.

I still have the feelings sometimes that it should never be like that again….when I get scared.

If I really go back and sit on my couch in my mind, stressing about having no money left, agony about not having enough money to put gas in my car, or buy groceries….

….it seems the same as looking back on the time I was in the war.

No, I wasn’t really ever in an actual “war” in history.

But I’ve heard people talk about being in the war, whether my grandpa in World War II, or my dad in the Korean War, or guys who were a little bit older and cooler than me who were in the Vietnam War (which horrified me as a kid).

These are all wars associated with the United States where I mostly grew up.

Well….I look on that time without money as The War. The money war.

Watching money fly away from me and feeling like I was the Titanic, sinking.

In my head, it was a war zone.

My own private war, with money.

With the universe.

At that time, in that situation sitting on my couch looking at my bank statement, with no current job and nowhere else to borrow from….

….I felt so ashamed.

I was volleying shots directly at myself, kicking myself.

When I look back, I can see that even though it was pretty straightforward when it came to money….

….I Would Not Stop Kicking.

I would not stop kicking MYSELF.

I screamed and demanded that money show itself to me, come to me, be with me, stay with me, not abandon me, rescue me.

Jeez, get a grip woman! Stand on your own two feet!

Nope, wouldn’t do it.

I insisted that I was too small, lost, incapable, and unworthy.

Until I lost all of it.

Fine.

I noticed I was still breathing, even as I said “fine” with total surrender and defeat and anger.

And I wasn’t dead.

Actually….I had a fridge with food in it, a car in the driveway, and clothes in my tiny closet. I had a mom saying she’d take me in if I needed it.

If I had had no mother, I know a friend would probably have volunteered or invited me to stay for awhile.

Just because you have debt, even colossal debt….

….just because you have spent addictively, or felt you MUST HAVE some item….

….just because you’ve been weird with money (and I mean this with people who have tons, and people who have none)….

….doesn’t mean it’s over.

Have you noticed?

If you’re alive, you have the capability of standing on your feet and being cared for.

In the Year of Inquiry group we’re in Month Five.

Money Month!

Yesterday, we looked at the most basic and very stressful belief about money…..

…..when you see it walkin’ away (pull out the strings, this is the basis of a good sad heart-break song).

Money Is Leaving!!!! Oh no!!!!

It doesn’t seem so funny in the moment, though, right?

How do you react when you see money flying AWAY from you, moving to other people, debts you owe, bills?

One inquirer in YOI noticed how vulnerable she felt. Total exposure.

I have to ask for help, I have to connect with people. I have to call and ask why a check hasn’t arrived yet, or call and tell someone I can’t pay my bill this month.

So embarrassing.

But what if you didn’t believe it’s wrong to be vulnerable, or dangerous to not have money? What if you didn’t think you were guilty, or a sinner, for being without money?

What if you just got here from another planet, today. And you never heard of money before. You were here for an adventure, for joy, for excitement, for learning, for riding a rollercoaster (that’s life, right?)

Who would you be without the belief that money is leaving you, when it moves from your pocket or bank account or hand or debit card…..

…..to somewhere else?

Turning the thought around: money is arriving, money is staying, my thinking is the one that’s leaving (wandering off after the money), I am leaving myself….in the name of money.

Some people become super poor and never go to work because of fear about money. Some people become super rich and work all the time because of money.

Who would YOU be if money didn’t matter? Just for today?

What would happen if you stayed with you, your own best friend, knowing how worthy and awesome you are?

Best of all, for me in my “disaster-lose-everything” situation, was being without money and realizing…..

…..wow oh wow…..

…..the inner center juicy peaceful glorious place within has never been absent, has never left, will never leave.

This present moment is alive, and pulsing and rich with creativity, rest, and No War.

Astonishing.

I thought I needed money to be happy, in that moment on the couch with $10.16 left in my bank account.

After I did The Work that day, a little over 7 years ago, I picked up the phone and called my mom.

We had the best conversation we had had in years, about me moving in with her and bringing my two kids with me and all the worries and anger I had about her trying to run my life and order me around if I moved in.

It was a truce conversation, in my own heart.

I knew it might be hard if I moved in with her, but it would be an incredible adventure and I could trust the universe to have brought me into it.

Except, right after THAT like the next day…..I got a job offer and a secret donation from friends and family for my birthday which covered a whole month of expenses, including that mortgage payment.

Who would you be without your war stories with money?

Could they actually be peace stories underway?

And I don’t care how much money you have.

It really doesn’t matter.

Much love, Grace

P.P.S. Join me at Breitenbush! To get all the information and learn how to register, click HERE.

January 12, 2016

OMG!! They really think this is true about me??

You know those situations (we’ve all had them) where someone thinks you said something, or did something, or heard something, or saw something….

….and it’s completely and entirely wrong?

We’ve all seen in the movies a moment when two people are accidentally smacked into each other because one person trips on the carpet edge while carrying a load of papers and the other person was just rounding the corner into the room….

….BAM! They’re on the floor wondering what just happened, maybe even physically hurt.

….And the romantic partner of one of these people walks into the room a moment later and is completely mistaken about what’s going on.

“This is not what you think!!!” shouts the couple sprawled on the floor after the crash.

But the one who saw the scene has run away already, stabbed in the heart with jealousy and betrayal.

Yesterday, I had two different communications with people where they revealed something thought about me that isn’t true.

But I had two very different reactions.

Hmmmm…..I wonder why?

Ha ha! I know exactly why.

Because one of them feels threatening to the mind.

But I can question it, thank goodness.

The first funny thing that was a little error in perception about me came from a quick and friendly email. A new friend I just met in Los Angeles who also does The Work of Byron Katie shared with me that he had been assuming I was married to another facilitator of The Work.

He wrote me at the end of his email….”By the way, I just learned that you’re NOT married to your co-group-leader!”

I chuckled, thinking about how someone could make this assumption: I live in the same city with my co-leader, we’re about the same age, we were sitting together at lunch in the restaurant.

No idea what else he might have seen, but don’t you love how the mind works to put together puzzle pieces without really knowing?

The second “mistake” of the day got me laughing louder, and a little disturbed.

I received an email from someone who just registered for the annual summer Breitenbush Retreat at the end of June, which is already filling up (exciting).

Guess what the email said?

(The writer brilliantly shared her thoughts in the format of a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet–so ingenious because it makes the stressful beliefs very clear, and very simple, with no apologies for having them).

Here’s the beginning of what she wrote:

“I am upset with Grace because the hot springs is clothing optional. I feel pressured to go without clothing. I am not comfortable with nudity.”

OMG!!!

It’s not what you think!!!

Only the pools themselves are clothing optional. The hotsprings are in a hushed, quiet area, accessed by trails set away from the lodge, and they are all quite a distance from almost all the cabins and camping. No one can see any nudity from most of the grounds.

And we never hold our workshop sessions in or near the pools. And we certainly are not naked in the workshop.

The pools are recreational, for people with medical conditions, or anyone there to savor the warm natural waters. They are cleaned and emptied three times a day, and some people travel for miles to heal and soak, and receive body work massage or do yoga at Breitenbush. They are used by participants in workshops on break, for fun.

Our retreat in diving deeply into The Work is held in a beautiful large circular building called the River Yurt. It has stained glass ceiling window and sits near the rapidly flowing river.

There is no nakedness, no clothing-option, and actually it is completely unnecessary to ever use the hotsprings while staying at Breitenbush (I never do).

When I read the email, I noticed a little stress-reaction happening.

Again.

But on a much lower scale than years ago, when it completely freaked me out.

In 2012, I wrote a joking Grace Note about the fear of nudity. I wrote about my Breitenbush retreat with a lot of humor and kidding around.

In the Grace Note I imagined the craziness of doing a workshop….naked!

I jested and laughed and said how I could never, ever do that, but that it was weird that there were naked people close by, on the property of the retreat center.

I then went on in the Grace Note to do The Work on the naked body, or nudist colonies, or nude beaches…..not that there’s anything wrong with them. But they’ve never been my thing, personally.

Someone….a dear friend….read that 2012 Grace Note blog post and thought I was teaching my workshop in the nude.

She reported me to the state of Washington, which prompted an investigation, which was quickly dismissed since it was not true.

It was some of the most fantastic work I’ve ever done for my personal stressful thinking.

First, The Work on nakedness. Second, The Work on my job being threatened. I believed at the time it was a really dangerous situation, like being called to the principle’s office.

Instead, it turned out to make my private practice even better and bigger than before. I discovered I was eligible for offering CEUs professionally to those in the field of mental health. I learned about how well the state protects people and clients from wacky practitioners.

I delightedly discovered the extra benefit that I had supervisory, and training experience far beyond what was required for my credential. It boosted my confidence tremendously. I had been doing everything exactly right ever since graduating with my master’s degree in 1997.

The investigators even had to check to see if I graduated, because the friend who sent in the complaint suggested I may not have ever gotten my degree since I didn’t finish on time in 1994 with many of my classmates. Weird.

What I found was an incredible turnaround to the entire experience of someone reacting with fear to what I (apparently) was doing.

Yesterday, I got to remember that whole thing. There it was again in bright shining memory.

Gasp!

They shouldn’t see me that way. (It’s the wrong way).

Is that true?

No.

First of all, it’s the way they see me. Period.

Second of all, there were more benefits than pains that came out of that misunderstanding in 2012.

How do you react when you believe someone sees you wrong, and they should see you a better way, or a “correct” way?

Scared. Sick to my stomach. Wanting to explain. Wanting to fix it. Self-centered. Not reaching out and connecting. Focused on the image of me, not on a more loving expansive image for all.

Who would you be without the belief they shouldn’t see you that way?

If you couldn’t be against how they see?

What if you even took into gentle consideration how they are seeing, took note of it with respect and kindness?

Woah.

Like, you mean….they SHOULD see me as teaching in the nude? They SHOULD see me as married to someone other than who I’m actually married to? They SHOULD see me as a liar? Or someone who didn’t graduate?

But! Those things aren’t true!!!

Who would you be without that thought, that the Truth needs to be straightened out…..by YOU?

All I know is…..without the belief that I need to be perceived “correctly” I am laughing, and having a wonderful time noticing what people see and think.

I notice people have amazing discoveries learning their own perceptions were wrong. Or right.

Turning it around: They SHOULD see me that way. I shouldn’t see THEM that way. I shouldn’t see MYSELF that way.

I shouldn’t see them as wrong. That friend who reported me enhanced my livelihood, she didn’t ruin it. Seriously.

The person who wrote to me about Breitenbush today reminded me that I’ve been offered another location for a one-week retreat in Hawaii that may be more exciting and a next step and new adventure in The Work.

I shouldn’t see myself incompletely, incorrectly–like someone who is a liar, or who makes mistakes and is condemned, or someone doing it wrong. I shouldn’t see myself as so important, or so small either.

And they SHOULD see me exactly as they see me.

It offers them learning on their own path, it makes me human (which, it turns out, I am) and it’s an awesome invitation to do The Work.

It’s a fabulous sledge hammer to my personal identity.

Wait.

Didn’t I want to lose my personal identity in the first place, and expand my awareness into the beautiful, brilliant, open, thrilling and holy place of This Moment Now?

Isn’t this all so very exciting…..to notice how none of those details even matter?

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” ~ Winston Churchill

Yes, I’d say it’s been pretty unhealthy to be soooooo concerned with what other people think of me.

Ha ha.

Thank you to everyone who thought whatever they thought of me, and dared to speak it out loud so I could hear it.

Without you, I couldn’t wake up.

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you have any fears, concerns, or questions you’d like to share with me about my writing, my programs, my offerings, I so welcome them. Bring it on. I love hearing what you really think. It helps improve everything I offer and be of greater service in the world. I love your honesty. Just hit reply, and share.

January 11, 2016

Not speaking up? Worse than you think!

Not speaking what's true might be hurting just as much as what you fear about speaking up — Not speaking what’s true might be hurting just as much as what you fear about speaking up

Have you ever felt “stuck” talking with someone? Like, trapped in a conversation and you can’t get off the phone or excuse yourself easily?

Trouble saying “no” to someone?

Awkward about breaking up, making a change, or confronting someone?

Ew.

Yah, I hate this dilemma.

You know they’re going to be upset, or worried, or angry, or hurt, or take it personally…..

…..so you just say…..

…..nothing.

Trouble is, you’re looking at that kind of situation as if there’s only a few options, and you’re picking the Least Difficult.

In other words, both or all of the options are rough.

There is no “good” or “happy” or “easy” or cotton-ball puffy sweet candy-corn option.

It seems the Truth will hurt.

Awwwww, can’t we have just one little tiny good sweet option? A nice escape hatch? An option where no one gets upset at all and we all wind up happier than ever?

Uh, No.

But here’s the thing. Why do you want it to be easy, smooth, saccharin, or simple?

I’ve only dreamed of “better options” when the direct route feels very dangerous. When what I imagine about saying “no” or telling the truth is pretty dismal and hard because of disappointment and separation.

So for example.

I had a really wonderful friend once. She was intelligent, articulate, funny and a sharp red head. We loved the same topics about psychology, human behavior, spirituality, God and relationships.

We would start talking over a meal, which appeared to happen maybe every 6 weeks or 2 months.

And then I’d look at my watch after a couple of hours.

It was soooooo great for a couple of hours. Then I’d want to do something else. I’d want to stop perseverating over the same issue or problem in human behavior, or in our lives, that we had already discussed before.

Don’t get me wrong. A deep and intimate conversation is one of my favorite things in the whole world. I love to listen, I love to open my mind to I-Don’t-Know with everyone and see what happens.

But what happened when I got the message from within that it was now bedtime? Time to hug goodnight and move to what was next? Time to say “I’m done”?

People agonize over this when considering leaving a long-term partnership.

Here’s one of the best exercises to do, if you’re wondering how to stop making lists of Pro and Con and stop humming Should I Stay or Should I Go Now by the Clash.

Imagine the worst case scenario.

In my mind, I see me interrupting my red-haired friend mid-stream saying, “I have to call time out right now. I’m not comfortable interrupting, and I’m very tired and need to head home to sleep. I love talking with you and am worried about you taking this personally….and it’s beddy-bye for me.”

And standing up and leaving.

Or any of these possible variations.

I used to think I needed to say it so brilliantly well, it wouldn’t hurt her feelings.

But in this vision of the worst case, she was very hurt.

And I already knew she was sensing my withdrawal sometimes.

She would be careful, and try not to overwhelm me with too-soon dinner date appointments.

I would hear her say “I don’t want to bug you, but it’s been 2 months and I’d love to catch up” and I’d have a little clutch in my gut that didn’t really want to…..wanted to, but not too much.

Time for a worksheet, imagining the worse case scenario, so I can really get down on paper what I’m most concerned about.

I start to write.

I am upset because she’s too big, convincing, charismatic, excitable, charming, verbal. I’m troubled because if I say no to her, she’ll get wounded. I’ll hurt her feelings very deeply. Then, she’ll hurt me back.

I had a vivid picture in my head of her feeling angry.

I was also frightened of her turning her hurt towards herself, not just me. I was afraid she’d get depressed and snap at her kids and husband. I was afraid she would blame me and call me a bitch.

Boy. I sure was assuming a lot about what would happen.

I was also assuming a lot about what was good or not good for her, rather than remembering to simply stay connected to my own inner voice of awareness, with love and trust.

What if, knowing her pretty well, it was actually fairly predictable?

Except, I didn’t even give her the benefit of the doubt. I just assumed, without questioning. I didn’t say anything. I avoided if possible. So I silently stayed longer than I wanted to.

And get this….I even assured her, if she vaguely questioned if I wanted to go, that it was OK and maybe in twenty minutes and thanks for paying attention to the time I almost forgot myself (what a liar).

I waited for a clear sign….the kind where it was obvious she was a) screwed up or b) able to hear me.

Never. Going. To. Happen.

You may wait forever if you’re waiting for the Other Person to bring up this important thing on the inside of YOU.

So let’s look today, at the worse case scenario.

I said no. I hurt her when I told the truth.

She’s mad, very sad, and howling.

My truth hurt her.

Is that true?

Yes.

What a mean person I am. I’m kind of cold. I’m so detached. How did I get like this? I should be nicer. I should care about her more.

See…..already went flying into how I react internally when I believe this thought.

But first, is it absolutely true? For sure 100% all time true that I hurt her with the truth?

No. I really do not know.

I NEVER TOLD THE WHOLE TRUTH! So how would I know if it hurt?

Now…..how do you react when you believe you hurt someone? (Or, you could?)

CAREFUL.

Slow, deliberate, not peaceful. Kinda like I’m backing out of the room slowly. Ready to feel a knife stab me from behind.

It’s like it’s super dangerous. I’m seeing her as very needy, and trigger hot. She has few friends. She’s ditched people before. I need to be the good friend, the close one, the loyal one.

Yikes.

Who would I be without the belief I could hurt her if I tell the truth?

Noticing how much I’m the very same as her.

Noticing how I perceive her, and her qualities, as dangerous.

Because why?

Because I don’t face them, feel them myself, accept them as a part of me, too.

Wow.

Who would I be without my story that the truth, hurts?

Connected. In contact. Speaking the truth, and not running the minute I say it. Not ducking like I’ll be hit.

Willing to get yelled at. Open to anything that’s real.

Turning the thought around: She won’t get hurt when I tell the truth. Not ultimately. Not really. She’ll believe her thoughts, or she won’t. That’s it.

Another turnaround: I’ll get hurt when I tell the truth. Well, yeah.

Especially if I think getting hurt means having strong feelings. (Which I don’t anymore).

I could cry, or get scared, or feel exposed and broken open. I might feel sad that she’s sad, or angry that she’s angry.

(Been there, done that).

How about another turnaround?

We’ll both get healed when I tell the truth.

This will go where it needs to go. It will unfold the way that’s best for everyone. The outcome is not up to me.

And guess what happened in that relationship?

She ditched me….and I never told the truth.

So yeah, the final turnaround: if I do NOT tell the truth, she’ll get hurt.

Oh.

“It is not easy to keep silent, when silence is a lie.” ~ Victor Hugo

Much love,

Grace

January 10, 2016

At war with a technological breakdown

frustration — This isn’t good! This is terrible! This shouldn’t be going like this! How would you like to question these thoughts?

So yesterday morning I scheduled a live free Master Class on how to start doing The Work of Byron Katie on compulsion around food and eating.

I thought I was doing something easy to have people sign up so they could get the link to the webinar page with a slideshow and then click that link at the appointed start time.

But.

One person said she never got the link so she could connect (it should have showed up in an email your Inbox).

Then.

I wrote January 8th for the date it was being offered. Yesterday was January 10th.

Yah, it appears I am one of Those Dingbats who writes the wrong date. This has increased in the past 3 years. Seriously.

There’s more.

At the beginning of the class, several people sent messages saying they couldn’t see any slides. Since I’ve never participated rather than leading the class, you’d think I would test all these things out or learn why sometimes this happens.

Other people could see everything.

I am not a tech expert kinda girl, although I love cruisin’ around the internet and learning and dabbling in all kinds of stuff (you may have noticed).

But I have no idea why some people couldn’t see the slide show.

My beautiful slides. Arrrrgggggg.

You may have had technical difficulties on something in your life, too. Like a computer breaking down. Losing everything on your hard drive. Falling on and off a video call with someone. The internet dropping. Your phone running out of battery in the middle of a good conversation (also happened recently for me).

I love considering, just like we did in the Master Class yesterday, WHY I want it to work smoothly?

I mean…..so what, the slide show doesn’t appear for some.

Why is this bad, in my opinion?

I don’t want to disappoint. I want to help. I want people to come to my retreat in two weeks, if it’s right for them.

I want to help people end this suffering, and learn more than ever about the human condition and therefor myself, and how we heal and grow and discover the miraculous presence of peace and the way humans tend to get very lost in their painful stories.

I like finding freedom from mine.

So let’s look at this idea that something technically should be going like “x” and it’s not.

If it doesn’t go well (I see the imagined version of what going well looks like) then it will be a failure. People won’t get support. They’ll think I’m a ditz (note the date problem, after all).

To really get to the heart of the trouble….I can sit and consider more deeply why something I think went wrong could be called WRONG.

it rained on my wedding day
someone broke up with me
someone broke into my car
no one showed up (this could be anything you’re putting on)
I lost money
he didn’t understand me

Let’s question our beliefs!

My stressful thought: they should see the slides (it should go well)!

Is that true?

Am I sure it’s required they see my slides in order to understand what I mean? Am I sure you need to get what I’m talking about?

Does it really mean something’s gone badly, if the way it goes was not what I wanted, or preferred?

No.

I have no idea.

I know how I react when I believe the thought something should go as planned. Something should be seen. Something should be heard. Technology shouldn’t “fail”.

Stomach upset. Frustrated.

Do you notice what you’re like when you need the internet to work, and it doesn’t?

I know…..it may not be pretty.

But who would you be without this belief? Without the thought that it really does need to go the way you think it should?

Without the belief it needs to be sunny, heard, seen, understood?

It’s pretty hilarious how serious we get when we think it’s a disaster for the thing to “fail”…..

…..and pretty amazing to notice what it’s like to not know this is “failing”.

What if you didn’t miss anything?

What if it was just right? The right dose, in the right amount, at the right time?

How would you feel without the thought running through your mind At All that it should be different than it was?

WOW!!!!

I am so excited without the thought!

Turning the thought around: they shouldn’t see the slides.

Why not?

Well, I have learned tons of things in my life without seeing it visually with slides or pictures. It’s not the only way to take in what’s interesting.

And what do I know? Those who didn’t see the slides might then search for more information, they may continue in their investigation of their own peaceful life, they might go somewhere else more perfect for them.

Everything sifting and unfolding just right, without me running the show.

I turn it around again: I should see the slides (not them).

Duh.

Yes, this work is really mine. All mine. This is my own healing. I’m learning how to support others, and connect with all the universe. I love the joy I feel when my story inspires someone else’s healing, if it ever does.

The way it went was just right. It went brilliantly. I

t was fabulous, the best, the way of it!

Well….OK. You don’t have to go THAT far.

But you’ve survived, right? It’s OK right now, right?

Can you find your own examples of how that’s true for you?

“When you realize that in actuality this moment has no opposite, you stop trying to escape it. Since this moment has no opposite, it is not opposed by any other moment. It has no opposition, no enemy. It is a true original, unique in all of time and space, free to be itself, never at war.” ~ Jeff Foster in Falling In Love With Where You Are

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you missed the Eating Peace Master Class this morning: How to do The Work on eating issues…..I’ll be sending out the replay tomorrow. Meanwhile, if you have question on the upcoming 3 day immersion retreat in Seattle, there are still some spots left. Write grace@workwithgrace.com to ask and questions.

January 8, 2016

Eating Peace Free Master Class: How to question your thinking on eating troubles

News Flash: Join me for a completely free Eating Peace Master Class Online on Sunday morning 8:30 am Pacific Time. You participate from the comfort of your home with any computer. You’ll receive a link to the webinar in your Inbox if you register. To sign up, click HERE.

Watch my little two minute video about it here:

You can find peace with compulsive eating (thinking). Join me on Sunday!

Why am I offering such a class?

Because I’m committed to supporting people end their misery around food, eating and body image.

To end all misery, in every area, really.

You probably know by now, my worst nightmare was living with terrible thoughts and feelings about eating, food, and how my body looked and performed athletically.

Always falling short, never good enough.

Unable to stop binge-eating and then swinging to total restriction and freaking out on heavy exercise.

You don’t have to have this experience with eating to know the pain of compulsive or “addictive” behavior.

Reaching to grab something.…

….seeking, pushing, striving, wanting, feeling desperate, bored, upset, angry….

….this state of grabbing can precede the urge to smoke, spend money, buy stuff, clean, surf the internet for hours, watch TV, drink, smoke, gamble, obsess, be sexual, think.

Addicts Anonymous….you know what I mean?

Yikes.

It’s really not a happy life in this cycle.

But if we knew what else to do, we’d do it.

The interesting trick I’ve found (and the only one that seems to hold up over time)?

Questioning Thoughts.

Wondering who I would be without them.

Noticing what’s right here, now, in front of my face and in my environment.

What I’m surrounded by that is Not Thinking.

At first, it was just puzzling.

Then….wondering who I was without thought became quite interesting.

Then….fascinating.

And then….just a feeling, a being.

Here. Present. Accounted For.

But don’t worry about all that.

We all think, we all believe, we all take ourselves very seriously, we’ve all fallen into fantasy worlds.

All it takes is practice to relax, just like walking.

As you use your imagination to experience what it’s like to be without your stressful thoughts….

….you get a glimpse of freedom.

If you’re not sure how and you’re especially interested in questioning thoughts about food and eating….

….come join me on Sunday morning for The Work of Byron Katie on food and eating.

We’ll take at least one deeply stressful core belief to inquiry, so you’ll know what to do the next time you’re suffering.

And the next.

You can do this.

Right now….who would you be without your thoughts? What’s going on around you, in you, through you?

Are you laughing yet?

And if you aren’t, there’s nothing wrong with you.

Just do The Work.

Much love, Grace

January 7, 2016

Full of longing? Good.

Longing.

I wish…..

If only…..

The floating images through the mind that dream, sometimes with great angst, of a different future.

We’ve all been there.

I wish I had a soul mate
I wish I was back with that Other life partner
I wish I had a million dollars
I wish I could lose weight
I wish I had a nice place to live
I wish I could win
I wish I could create that awesome thing (book, song, movie, Ted Talk, organization, law, new world order)

I love looking more deeply at wishes.

The passion of desire, especially the kind where you can’t help yourself, you just keep pursuing it…..

…..can be a Great Adventure.

And yes, sometimes quite infuriating and disappointing.

But what if you stopped, and considered what you really want that thing, that event, that experience, that person…..for?

What would it give you, if you had it?

For example, a million bucks.

What would I have, if I had a million dollars.

OK, here’s something hilarious that just happened–my mind immediately said make it 10 million and now we’re talking.

So, let’s multiply it by ten.

What would I have?

Wow Wee, I would have security, freedom, independence, fun, adventure, excitement. I would be able to give generously. I’d feel completely secure for life. I’d feel genius about taking care of my kids and offering the best possible opportunities.

I would finally be able to be fully creative and figure out the best most genius program ever for helping people end compulsive or addictive or dependent trances…..food or otherwise.

Honestly?

I’d probably move into a bigger house and get a nicer car that’s not about to break down. And new hard wood floors….in the current house. Which I’d keep.

Sigh.

My lifestyle is so much lower than when I grew up.

Fume.

Notice the comparison that happens, when I believe I want that other thing (visions of the past, or images from movies, magazines, friends, family, neighbors).

Over there it looks like THAT. (Lots of good, sparkly stuff).

Over here it looks like THIS. (Lots of run down, old, ugly stuff).

Wait.

Did she say something about ending “dependent trances”?

Hmmmmm. Right.

Let’s keep going.

Who would you be without the belief that ten million dollars would offer safety, fun, independence….and that I don’t already have contact with all of those things?

Am I safe? Check. Having fun? Check. Independent? Very. Enjoying myself? Weeee! Adventure? Amazing.

And the thing is….

….if I didn’t feel any of these things a whole lot, or I wanted to feel them more….

….I could turn the volume up on the sensations, and find examples of how true they are, and bask in them RIGHT NOW.

In the Work of Byron Katie we speak of “living turnarounds”.

The way to live the opposite of your stressful thinking, and celebrate peaceful, joyful thinking instead.

What would it look like?

What would you do, if you lived it?

What would it feel like, if you felt it?

Now that’s a fun exercise.

And I don’t have to wish, or wait, to enjoy what I really wanted to enjoy in the first place.

Awesome.

Longing, felt fully, carries us to belonging.

~ Tara Brach, in Radical Acceptance

Much love, Grace

P.S. If you want to enter the feeling of being someone who lives with Eating Peace….only two weeks from today we’ll be practicing and feeling it for three full days in Seattle. It can stop the discouraged pattern of overeating, comfort eating, boredom eating…and allow you to enter what it’s like to feel peace instead. Hit reply with questions about signing up.

January 6, 2016

Believing there’s a reason to suffer? Join me in inquiry!

Join me in the gift of inquiry....nothing compares to freedom from stressful thinking! Attend a class or retreat, and celebrate peace — Join me in the gift of inquiry….nothing compares to freedom from stressful thinking! Attend a class or retreat, and celebrate peace

Wow, there’s a lot happening! Can’t wait to spend time with you in this gift of inquiry, if it’s right for you this new year.

In Person Cancer Support Group Seattle starts up again January 13th 5:30-7:00 pm. Limited to 8 participants. Join for a minimum of 4 consecutive sessions.
Eating Peace In Person 3 Day Retreat January 22-24, 2016 9:30 am-9:00 pm Friday and Sat, 9:30 am-5:00 pm Sunday
Money: Loving This Story 8 week telecourse January 14th 2:00-3:30 pm Pacific Time (room for one more only)
Money, Work and Business: In Person Retreat March 25-27, 2016 Seattle $295 Question money+work, change your world
Meetup: January 17th 2:00-4:00 pm $10 everyone welcome
May Retreat: Three Days to Freedom–The Work of Byron Katie May 13-15, 2016 Seattle $395
Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Summer Retreat, Oregon: June 22-26, 2016 Early Bird Now $395

*********

It’s funny when the calendar year changes, it makes many of us think about the Whole Year ahead.

That other year, the one we just had, is now over.

We’re using a different number now when we write out the date, and we’ll keep doing this for 365 days in a row, all over the world.

I see and hear people saying things like “let’s have a great 2016!” or “make 2016 your best year ever!” or “set your 2016 goals NOW, no time to lose!”

Now, don’t get me wrong.

Those are sweet ideas, and can be encouraging, good ideas.

Except….we have absolutely no control, no way to really truly assert this “great” year we’d like to have. No way to predict the actual outcome.

And it doesn’t take special goal-setting or drive or discipline to have a great year.

It’s even better that that.

Right now, today, you can live, feel and be what you hope to have by the end of this year.

That’s it.

I know it sounds weird.

But why wait?

I’ll explain.

OK, so let’s say you’re single and you want a partner. Or, let’s say you have a business and you’d like to double your income (or multiply it by ten–I crack up with all the 10x this and 10x that). Or, let’s say you want a new job. Or, how about finishing that book (my thought) or getting into tip top physical condition or reconciling with your dad or moving to a more compatible home, or serving your community in a bigger way, or repaying your debts, or speaking on a stage to 1000 people.

All valid, beautiful, positive visions.

And I love bringing attention to this moment, NOW.

In fact, it’s the only way any of these visions for a future ever actually come into reality.

Today.

It’s a lot easier than picturing the whole entire year and all those days and all that work.

When we consider huge projects and pushing and effort and persistence….

….you can get really exhausted, just thinking about it.

You can start out super crazy strict, and hyper-alert or disciplined, and pretty soon you’re burned out, and unhappy, and your thoughts are that it’s not worth it.

Too hard.

Instead, I love questioning the thought (because it can be very stressful) that this year I must accomplish x, y, z.

So like I said…..

….how about looking at today, instead?

Here’s what I mean, or how you can work with your visions and thoughts about a great future.

Let’s say I like the idea of making more money.

First, I explore my beliefs about why on earth I would want more money.

What would more money give me, if I had it?

Security, breathing-easy, more empty down time to relax.

I could share more money and experiences with my children and family or others in need, I could travel to more meditation retreats, or exotic places like Istanbul or Europe or Vietnam. I could fix all the broken things in my house. I could buy an electric car.

Life would surely be more fun, exciting and learning-filled.

With money.

Yep, that’s what I need more of.

Is it true?

(See how I snuck self-inquiry in there? I know, it was clever).

Well….it sure seems like with more money I could do all those things and therefore have happiness, relaxation, freedom and joy.

But is it absolutely true I need money to have these things?

No.

How do you react when you believe more money is better for you in the upcoming year?

Wow, I focus on it like crazy. I stay up late working. I get frantic creating new programs and packing in as much as possible to my daily schedule. I don’t even care about my daily quality of life, or spending much time with my children or family. I feel jealous if my friends are leaving for Thailand. I feel awkward when I get invited to someone’s house for dinner and they live in a palace. I’m assessing how much money I “think” people have when I really don’t know. I get resentful of paying taxes.

Now for the wonderful question.

Who would you be without the thought you need to focus, push, reach this goal during this upcoming year?

Who would you be without this belief that more money is required, right here in this moment, looking around at your life?

I notice right now, I’m sitting on an airplane traveling from Los Angeles to Seattle where I live. I have a lap top. I have a tray table holding the lap top. I’m wearing a really beautiful and warm pink wool sweater. The sky out the airplane window is a ribbon of brilliant robin’s egg blue, then orange, then black at the edge of the earth.

My body feels warm and soooo relaxed.

I’m full of joy.

I think of my kids and family and husband and smile. Even my father, who has been gone for nearly 25 years I think of right now and feel a warm joy of “thank you”.

I have pictures flashing of an electric car, or a perfect house, or hiring an employee, or having adventures or going on meditation retreats or having the perfect body, and without the belief any of those are required for happiness or peace….

….I feel incredible freedom.

More money will bring security, ease, fun, safety, joy, success….

….could these qualities already be here, no matter what money is doing or not doing?

Wow. Yes.

I find examples of how what I think “more money” would bring, is actually already here.

You can do this with the thing or achievement you dream of, too.

As Byron Katie says….

….skip the middle man!

(In my case, skip the money–and this doesn’t mean reject the money, not at all).

Do you think you’ll be closer to what you envision for yourself by feeling joy, love, contentment, ease, relaxation, peace, gentleness, kindness, safety, security, calm right now in this very moment, today?

Or do you think you’ll be closer to what you envision for yourself by feeling angst, worry, upset, nervousness, anger, frustration, intensity, disappointment, fury, scarcity, or fear?

Ha ha, kind of hilarious, right?

Try the first way.

Even if you don’t reach your goals….

….you’ll have fun on your way down.

“You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to suffer.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

P.S. If you’re anxious or frustrated with money, join me in the teleclass starting next Thursday afternoon PT, or come to retreat March 25-27. What if you had a wonderful money story and career story, rather than a terrible one? Now that’s exciting.

January 6, 2016

Eating Peace: Who would you be without your thoughts?

Eating Peace January 22-24, 2016 right here in north Seattle in a gorgeous lodge is about to happen. Still room for more. Click HERE for details. Repeaters receive a reduced rate. Come have three days of discovering peace when it comes to food and eating.

********

Reducing and dissolving your stress is a golden key to ending compulsive or emotional eating.

You may think “I already know that! But I can’t stop feeling stressed out!!”

Doing The Work of Byron Katie, the powerful inquiry-based stress reduction, is the most lazer, brilliant way to work with your stress I’ve ever found.

And I spent a long time looking for answers.

It’s not a little thing to work with your own belief system, and alter it.

Questioning your thoughts brings new ideas, feelings, possibilities….

….And with new feelings and possibilities, you are more likely to actually behave differently.

At least, this has always been my own experience.

You may have thoughts like these:

I can’t stop eating
I’ll never change
there is something wrong with me
I’m just too sick (or greedy) when it comes to food
nothing works that I’ve ever tried

They are big thoughts, and very stressful, but they can all be questioned and taken to inquiry.

The fourth question in The Work is: who would you be without your thought?

What would it be like to not have the thought that you can’t stop eating, you’ll never change, or there’s something wrong with you?

Don’t just say….I have no idea. It’s too hard. I can’t see it. I don’t know what I’d be like.

You have an amazing imagination, you aren’t missing anything as a human being, you are capable of slowing down and making discoveries about this dynamic with eating.

Watch here today to get a taste of peace with food and eating, and wondering who you would be, how you’d feel, what it would be like to not think your stressful thoughts?

Try it right now.

Eating Peace: Who are you without your beliefs about You and Eating?

Big Peace,

Grace

January 4, 2016

Ever had the jitters? Question these thoughts to dissolve stage fright.

Question your fearful thoughts about presenting, performing, a difficult conversation....and feel your heart open to the whole wide world — Question your fearful thoughts about presenting, performing, a difficult conversation….and feel your heart open to the whole wide world

Have you ever had butterflies in your stomach in anticipation of being up on stage or in front of people?

Most of us can remember this kind of buzzing excitement within for the first time when they were just a kid.

Maybe in school, maybe standing up in front of a crowd of peers to speak out, maybe being in an end-of-year dance performance for all the parents.

Yesterday, around an hour before I was to go on stage to present on Eating Peace I felt a flutter of excitement race up my chest, and in my quiet hotel room I opened up the slides on my laptop that I’d be sharing with everyone. I sat still and ran through the talk again mentally, cutting out two slides since I learned I’d have ten minutes less time than expected.

I used to feel crazy nervous when going up on stage.

I will never forget having Bach sheet music opened on my lap, tapping the page silently with my fingers in the green room as the other piano students went out on stage, one after the other, and performed their pieces for recital.

I could hear the applause and picture the students taking a bow. I would count, 3 more to go then me, 2 more to go then me, 1 more to go then me, OK you’re next.

It’s funny how the mind gives a blow-by-blow report like a sportscaster.

Thanks for sharing, brain, I can see what’s happening here without you commenting every step of the way! Jeez!

But there’s something simple and wonderful about rehearsing and going over something you anticipate, when it’s very important.

People plan for emergencies, after all.

We practice.

Even though it never, ever could go the exact way we anticipate.

Even though it’s truly unknown, until it’s over.

And yet, with repetitive practice….

….it’s more likely you’ll feel alive, clear, focused and joyful as you make your presentation.

Even if your hands are shaking, and you feel like volcanic steam is exploding in your torso.

The Convention I’m attending here in Los Angeles is a gathering of Facilitators of The Work, inspiring people who move The Work in the world as teachers, lawyers, business owners, doctors and researchers, and Byron Katie of course, and her husband Stephen Mitchell the beautiful writer and translator.

Some of the attendees are candidates here to graduate from a rigorous program of training in self-inquiry. They’re all making presentations to small groups who evaluate them (I went through this in 2008).

I had the honor of being one of the professional presenters to the whole conference (there were about ten of us).

It’s truly a think-tank kind of scene. Super inspiring.

And yes….adrenaline appears to be present in many awesome people who are making presentations and being evaluated.

What’s one of the best ways to handle nerves?

Why……The Work, of course!

So right now, think of something you feel a little anxious about doing.

If it’s not leading a meeting or being on stage, it may be an honest conversation you need to have with someone in your life, maybe even someone close.

What do you think they might think of you, if you speak it, do it, say it, take action?

Here’s my list of what they could think about me:

yawn–this is so boring
nothing she has to say is helpful or applies to me
she’s blabbing on and on with too many words
she’s not intelligent
she’s too soft and gentle in her demeanor–where’s the spunk?
how about a joke?

As I make my list, I am reminded of how deeply interested I am in entertainment.

Presentations need to be exciting, zesty, juicy, thrilling (according to me, I guess).

So of course, I’m worried other people might have the same thoughts about mine.

Let’s inquire.

Is it true that if someone thinks you’re boring, you are?

is it true that if someone thinks anything negative about you, it’s bad news?

Is it true if someone gets upset in response to what you say, it means everyone is upset, or you’re a bad rotten tomato?

No.

How do you react when you believe that other peoples’ thoughts need to be worried about? When other peoples’ thoughts can cause you to be rejected, or hated?

Oh so very, very careful.

Insanely careful.

I hold back, I’m sweating, I try to be pleasing, I’m not my true self.

I don’t bring up important things. I just try to “get through” and survive something where I’m on stage, or in the spot light. I don’t risk anything new or different.

I’m definitely Not Funny.

I also avoid what’s truly serious for me, too.

So who would you be without the belief you’ve got to hold it together, do a good job, make sure you’re not boring, make sure you’re funny, appear intelligent, or any of the other things that come through your mind about what other people might want?

This is a big question.

This is a super, wonderful, exciting question.

If you really can hold very, very still and relax so deeply, without concern for how people perceive you and consider your answer and really wonder what it would be like to not have any concern for other peoples’ thoughts…..

…..then wow.

It’s actually quite thrilling.

For me, it feels like an astonishing willingness to collapse into connection with everyone, rather than be concerned for this image, this person called “me”, this “I” using lots of energy to look perfect, or funny, or intelligent.

Without the thoughts of fear about what other people think?

A great laughter bubbles up from somewhere deep within, and tears of gratitude and sharing. Pure joy. Excitement, heart-beating, aliveness.

Truth telling!

Love!

All it takes is imagining who you are without knowing what anyone thinks of you.

Hilarious, right?

Because you actually don’t.

When I went on stage, all nervousness just dropped away. I spoke, I clicked my slides, I kept it simple, I ended at basically the exact amount of time allotted.

People lined up to ask for a copy of the slides I used, to say how inspired they were, to say how much they learned, to say how connected they felt to me now that they knew more of my personal story of recovering from an eating disorder.

One woman had tears and the sweetest eyes, sharing some of her difficult journey with addiction. I gave her such a long hug. My heart was bursting.

All I know is I love recovery, healing, and clarity.

All I could do was to share what it looks like in me.

As it turned out, that was enough.

“The Master never reaches for the great; thus she achieves greatness. When she runs into a difficulty, she stops and gives herself to it. She doesn’t cling to her own comfort; thus problems are no problem for her.” ~ Tao Te Ching #63

Much love, Grace

P.S. A lot of people feel shame when it comes to compulsions. Someone asked if they could attend the Eating Peace Retreat even though they’re working on why they over-drink sometimes. Sure. This deep inner work will still work on whatever consuming-type behavior disturbs your peace.