OMG!! They really think this is true about me??

You know those situations (we’ve all had them) where someone thinks you said something, or did something, or heard something, or saw something….

….and it’s completely and entirely wrong?

We’ve all seen in the movies a moment when two people are accidentally smacked into each other because one person trips on the carpet edge while carrying a load of papers and the other person was just rounding the corner into the room….

….BAM! They’re on the floor wondering what just happened, maybe even physically hurt.

….And the romantic partner of one of these people walks into the room a moment later and is completely mistaken about what’s going on.

“This is not what you think!!!” shouts the couple sprawled on the floor after the crash.

But the one who saw the scene has run away already, stabbed in the heart with jealousy and betrayal.

Yesterday, I had two different communications with people where they revealed something thought about me that isn’t true.

But I had two very different reactions.

Hmmmm…..I wonder why?

Ha ha! I know exactly why.

Because one of them feels threatening to the mind.

But I can question it, thank goodness.

The first funny thing that was a little error in perception about me came from a quick and friendly email. A new friend I just met in Los Angeles who also does The Work of Byron Katie shared with me that he had been assuming I was married to another facilitator of The Work.

He wrote me at the end of his email….”By the way, I just learned that you’re NOT married to your co-group-leader!”

I chuckled, thinking about how someone could make this assumption: I live in the same city with my co-leader, we’re about the same age, we were sitting together at lunch in the restaurant.

No idea what else he might have seen, but don’t you love how the mind works to put together puzzle pieces without really knowing?

The second “mistake” of the day got me laughing louder, and a little disturbed.

I received an email from someone who just registered for the annual summer Breitenbush Retreat at the end of June, which is already filling up (exciting).

Guess what the email said?

(The writer brilliantly shared her thoughts in the format of a Judge Your Neighbor worksheet–so ingenious because it makes the stressful beliefs very clear, and very simple, with no apologies for having them).

Here’s the beginning of what she wrote:

OMG!!!

It’s not what you think!!!

Only the pools themselves are clothing optional. The hotsprings are in a hushed, quiet area, accessed by trails set away from the lodge, and they are all quite a distance from almost all the cabins and camping. No one can see any nudity from most of the grounds.

And we never hold our workshop sessions in or near the pools. And we certainly are not naked in the workshop.

The pools are recreational, for people with medical conditions, or anyone there to savor the warm natural waters. They are cleaned and emptied three times a day, and some people travel for miles to heal and soak, and receive body work massage or do yoga at Breitenbush. They are used by participants in workshops on break, for fun.

Our retreat in diving deeply into The Work is held in a beautiful large circular building called the River Yurt. It has stained glass ceiling window and sits near the rapidly flowing river.

There is no nakedness, no clothing-option, and actually it is completely unnecessary to ever use the hotsprings while staying at Breitenbush (I never do).

When I read the email, I noticed a little stress-reaction happening.

Again.

But on a much lower scale than years ago, when it completely freaked me out.

In 2012, I wrote a joking Grace Note about the fear of nudity. I wrote about my Breitenbush retreat with a lot of humor and kidding around.

In the Grace Note I imagined the craziness of doing a workshop….naked!

I jested and laughed and said how I could never, ever do that, but that it was weird that there were naked people close by, on the property of the retreat center.

I then went on in the Grace Note to do The Work on the naked body, or nudist colonies, or nude beaches…..not that there’s anything wrong with them. But they’ve never been my thing, personally.

Someone….a dear friend….read that 2012 Grace Note blog post and thought I was teaching my workshop in the nude.

She reported me to the state of Washington, which prompted an investigation, which was quickly dismissed since it was not true.

It was some of the most fantastic work I’ve ever done for my personal stressful thinking.

First, The Work on nakedness. Second, The Work on my job being threatened. I believed at the time it was a really dangerous situation, like being called to the principle’s office.

Instead, it turned out to make my private practice even better and bigger than before. I discovered I was eligible for offering CEUs professionally to those in the field of mental health. I learned about how well the state protects people and clients from wacky practitioners.

I delightedly discovered the extra benefit that I had supervisory, and training experience far beyond what was required for my credential. It boosted my confidence tremendously. I had been doing everything exactly right ever since graduating with my master’s degree in 1997.

The investigators even had to check to see if I graduated, because the friend who sent in the complaint suggested I may not have ever gotten my degree since I didn’t finish on time in 1994 with many of my classmates. Weird.

What I found was an incredible turnaround to the entire experience of someone reacting with fear to what I (apparently) was doing.

Yesterday, I got to remember that whole thing. There it was again in bright shining memory.

Gasp!

They shouldn’t see me that way. (It’s the wrong way).

Is that true?

No.

First of all, it’s the way they see me. Period.

Second of all, there were more benefits than pains that came out of that misunderstanding in 2012.

How do you react when you believe someone sees you wrong, and they should see you a better way, or a “correct” way?

Scared. Sick to my stomach. Wanting to explain. Wanting to fix it. Self-centered. Not reaching out and connecting. Focused on the image of me, not on a more loving expansive image for all.

Who would you be without the belief they shouldn’t see you that way?

If you couldn’t be against how they see?

What if you even took into gentle consideration how they are seeing, took note of it with respect and kindness?

Woah.

Like, you mean….they SHOULD see me as teaching in the nude? They SHOULD see me as married to someone other than who I’m actually married to? They SHOULD see me as a liar? Or someone who didn’t graduate?

But! Those things aren’t true!!!

Who would you be without that thought, that the Truth needs to be straightened out…..by YOU?

All I know is…..without the belief that I need to be perceived “correctly” I am laughing, and having a wonderful time noticing what people see and think.

I notice people have amazing discoveries learning their own perceptions were wrong. Or right.

Turning it around: They SHOULD see me that way. I shouldn’t see THEM that way. I shouldn’t see MYSELF that way.

I shouldn’t see them as wrong. That friend who reported me enhanced my livelihood, she didn’t ruin it. Seriously.

The person who wrote to me about Breitenbush today reminded me that I’ve been offered another location for a one-week retreat in Hawaii that may be more exciting and a next step and new adventure in The Work.

I shouldn’t see myself incompletely, incorrectly–like someone who is a liar, or who makes mistakes and is condemned, or someone doing it wrong. I shouldn’t see myself as so important, or so small either.

And they SHOULD see me exactly as they see me.

It offers them learning on their own path, it makes me human (which, it turns out, I am) and it’s an awesome invitation to do The Work.

It’s a fabulous sledge hammer to my personal identity.

Wait.

Didn’t I want to lose my personal identity in the first place, and expand my awareness into the beautiful, brilliant, open, thrilling and holy place of This Moment Now?

Isn’t this all so very exciting…..to notice how none of those details even matter?

Ha ha.

Thank you to everyone who thought whatever they thought of me, and dared to speak it out loud so I could hear it.

Without you, I couldn’t wake up.

Much love, Grace