My kids are driving me bonkers!
A mom in Summer Camp Telecalls recently reminded me of my own early mom days. She wanted them to quiet down, so she could do The Work.
Kind of hilarious, the energy that wells up….“Be Quiet! I’m trying to question my thinking over here! JEEZ!”
When I had two very young ones, I was beyond thrilled to have these two amazing kids in my life. In fact, I was pretty blown away by the miraculous and bizarre way we all arrive here on planet earth.
But their presence in my world was also like a match that lit up whole entire inner buildings full of belief-systems about parenting, what “good” moms do, what “good” kids do, what “good” dads do, how kids should turn out.
I need to make sure these two kids feel safe, secure, happy, heard, important and valuable.
Right?
That means I should never be driven bonkers by them. I should be patient, kind, gentle and wise at all times.
24/7
In case you haven’t noticed…..it’s impossible.
But if you do The Work and question your thinking, you may be way more “sane” than you could ever dream of when it comes to your kids.
So let’s go.
Is it true that you should be a perfect mom, that it’s your job to support their confidence, success, and happiness in life?
If they aren’t happy….or if they bug you….do you really think it means that there’s something wrong with your parenting?
Well, no. I know there aren’t any perfect moms.
How do you react when you think you need to be the one who inspires and creates success and happiness in your kids’ lives….and they sometimes look pretty upset?
I feel anxious, sad, worried. Wondering how their future will turn out. Playing out future possibilities.
Not staying right here in the present.
But who would you be without the thought? Without the belief that you need to help them, support them, make sure they know they are valuable, happy, safe, comfortable?
Whew. Now that is a relief.
Lots of moms and dads will think that if they let go of the belief that they are responsible for their kids, they won’t even care.
They’ll be neglectful, and wrong.
But can you know that this is even true?
“How do you react when you believe the thought that you need to protect your children, and in reality they’re perfectly fine without your protection?….You got through your difficulties, so what leads you to believe that they aren’t at least as capable and courageous as you are? What leads you to believe that they have fewer survival skills than you do?” ~ Byron Katie
Turning the thoughts around: I’m driving myself bonkers! I need to make sure I myself feel safe, secure, happy, heard, important and valuable.
Because I am, and so are you.
Every human is worthy, safe, secure, happy, heard, important and valuable.
We can feel this for ourselves. We don’t need a mother or father to tell us…..not really.
“A mother’s grip on reality is a wonderful thing.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love, Grace